#Sardonic Sexymen - DT and Alastor

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DT, Alastor, hear me out...

Your babies in one of these bad boys

"O-oh."

Alastor is completely gone. He's laughing his ass off over something so small---yet admittedly clever and funny. To be fair, he hasn't slept in...two days. However, DT seems to genuinely enjoy this.

"It's...a lovely thought, thank you for sharing."

They were struggling not to laugh, but they were damn close to failing.

"..."

"..."

"What-"

"-the-"

"-fuck-"

"-language."

"Sorry."

"...though your swearing is somewhat understandable. Are they both unwell?"

"Hell if I know. But I do know that dad hasn't slept in two days."

"Isn't he normally able to go on for weeks without sleeping?"

"He can, but there is something off about him. Like he's internally freaking out."

"Perhaps it's the weight of being a father settling in?"

"Maybe."

"...guess we got an audience now."

"What are you-oh."

Immediately, Mordecai's pupils dilated much more upon noticing that Bella was watching him. It was a sweet sentiment, and Sam just smiled down when Castiel looked up at her.

"Mhm. These lil guys...buncha cuties."

"Hm...Alastor and Double Trouble should get some rest, though. Specifically Alastor. I haven't seen Double Trouble fatigued as of late, which is good I suppose. Alastor..."

"He really should get rest: but first I wanna know what's going on with him."

"Be my guest: you are his eldest daughter after all."

"...yeah..."

[ask-the-sexyman-squad-archive]

OMG THE BABIES THEY'RE SO CUTE CONGRATS YOU TWO T0T

Oh Mordy, it's time to say hello~ ;)

She's so...tiny.

Belladonna and Castiel were their names now. While holding Castiel he didn't feel as close. However, with Belladonna...there was a newfound warmth in him. He couldn't quite place it, but it was so sweet feeling...almost like when he held his little sister Rose at the time. Or better yet, Hannah...but those were past memories.

"How're you feeling my feline fellow?"

"...Morde?"

"Oh fuck he's crying---"

"Can I have my daughter, Morde?"

"Mordecai, my dear, come on---"

"Aww...softie~"

They might have to pry her out of his arms after this... <3

[ask-the-sexyman-squad-archive]

How often does Alastor remind Double Trouble that they're the most beautiful creature in all of creation?

No this isn't me wanting you to draw DT again what are you talking about why would I do that it's not like I'm OBSESSED or anything--

--@call-me-double-trouble

"Oh, quite often...~ How can one not notice their stunning self?"

His eyes trailed down to watch the questioner. His grin broadened, and he took Double Trouble's hand into his own, his eyes lighting up with almost a sweet, tender look under the usual chaotic and manipulative gaze.

"Their beauty is not my main focus: it's their wit, their type of entertainment and that oh-so appealing flair...because of that, I have fallen hard. Even now, after years of being together, there are still many things I would do for them,"

"As I would for him~ how could I not? He's been the utmost faithful, and I couldn't ask for more. That charming smile makes me weak at the knees~"

He brought them into a dip, bowing lowly. They brought their leg up a bit, bending the other in a comfortable position. Their hands went up to his head and the side of his face, while his hand remained on their back.

"Oh, the amount of lines I would cross for only him...the crimes I would commit~"

"I would die for them...I would kill for them."

"I have killed for them, a̸̪̎̈́́̅̒̀̃͜n̴̝͌́́̚ḑ̸̩̼͎̞̹̤́ ̸̡̢̦͔̝̗̳̦͂̀̓̚̕͝͝ŵ̵̼̰̣̰̥̮͊͂̚͝į̸̡̰̺̺̙̏͘͝͝l̵̬̏̈́̅̌͘l̴̯͛̍̀̊̚ ̵̻̒́͂̀d̵̢̨͈̤̝̥̮͂̋͐̾̈͝͠o̴̝͓͖̲̮̝͖͚̓̈́̂̓͘ ̷̖̀i��̛̛̝̙̩̜̮̻̙͂̿͛̔͠͝t̸̝̥̩̥̣͋̒̈́̈̈́̃̾ ̵̖̙̿̄̋̑̏͐à̴̢̲̩̗̝̼̉́̓̊͗̚ͅg̵̣̒͐̃̊̓̍̌͂ā̶̞̓͂͝ị̴̲̥̣͍͉͔͝n̸̢̛̛͍̯̬̙̳̔͒̊̊͝.̶̲̻͇̣̻͖͑͊͘͜."

(NORMAL: and will do it again.)

[ask-the-sexyman-squad-archive]

so what's the manor gonna do for easter, maybe go on a little sexyman easter egg hunt, the eggs can have little tophats too X3

"MIGHT DO SOME EGG HUNTING, BUT WHO KNOWS! IT MIGHT JUST BE A NORMAL DAY FOR US...WE COULD HIDE SOME EGGS FOR SAM, THOUGH..."

"Bill suggested I'd be the Easter Bunny...he later regretted his choice. Good riddance: the triangle-coded bastard had the nerve to tell me that...I do not look fat...not sure if he was trying to imply that, and I know that he probably wasn't, but still."

"The tidbit with Bill and Double Trouble was certainly interesting! Oh, how mad my beloved got...it was quite entertaining, but I had to make sure Bill's other eye was safe."

"Dad suggested photos. Photos. Of me in a Easter dress. Honestly, I'd rather jump into Weirdmageddon than that shit."

"Samantha..."

"I'm not taking a picture with a creepy mascot! EVER!"

"I already got an egg here! Top hat and all... :)"

"Honestly, we're not doing anything special. But with this bit, I get to see how flustered Mordecai really gets~"

"...rather."

"Good~"

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Hmmm...who could she have talked to in order to claim him as her "Papa"? And why are Double Trouble and Alastor so horrified at this revelation...?

[FEEL FREE TO GUESS WHO THIS MYSTERY SEXYMEN IS...]

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so guys, how are yall gonna plan the baby shower?

“Honestly, it probably should be private…but I dunno! It’s up to DT and Dad Alastor. Though I have a suggestion! We should get a ring bear for the ceremony! It’ll lighten things up.”

“A WHAT??”

“Little Miss Sunshine, that’s a wrong type of celebration for a ring bearer!”

“She said bear, Alastor…”

“….Oh.”

“OH INDEED!”

“We aren’t getting a bear period.”

“…why is she like this.”

"A sweet little suggestion, but I'm afraid we're going to have to decline it, my dear. As for it being a private get together, I absolutely agree on it!"

"Especially with how easy things could get out to the public...not that I hate the spotlight! I just don't want this being known...aside from just doing the spell and turning out to be successful, we don't have a solid plan yet."

"How about we make a solid plan tonight? That way we'll be prepared and ready for the birth in three months: demonic pregnancies are much shorter than average, thanks to magic. As to you folks, stay tuned for that!"

"THREE MONTHS????"

[ask-the-sexyman-squad-archive]

Honestly, how would a certain green lizard (Double Trouble) react if they were told that they are the

only thought

i have now

They are my muse

i dream about them every night

they are the only thing i draw everyday

(I have multiple completely fill sketch books with them oopies)

I daydream about then

I am madly in love with them

I have drawn our wedding evil laughter

Should i be scared of how alstor would react 👁👁

"Oh, cute..."

They did NOT find it cute, only creepy. They appreciated the sentiment! Kinda...they were eased over the fact that this COULD be possible in another verse...nah, they're just kinda creeped out. Not horribly, but this just made them heavily uncomfortable.

"Well, I appreciate the, uh...forwardness of your...ask. It's nice to know some people enjoy my presence..."

They're trying so hard to form a response. That...scrambled their brain a bit. Their eyes flitted up see Alastor next to them, and their nerves---albeit low---were eased. They smiled instead, turning to face the anon.

"Even so...let's keep it a daydream, shall we?"

"That would be m̸͙̐̑̈́̌͊ő̵̧͗̈́̎̆̈́͜͝s̴̡̹̭̯͒̆̃̽͗͑̎̌̔̚͜͠ţ̴̲̭̲͖̈͗̏̈́̏̑̑͘͝ ̸̝͙̟̫͙̾̇̅͌̕ͅp̴̦̞͖͇͈̾̒͆̎ͅl̸̨̧̛͈͔͈̙̮̮̲̀̓͝ě̷̛͇̯͙̦͂̀̋̌̈́̑̊͝á̸̢̢͔̩̘̘̰͈́̂̚s̶̠̿̉å̴̡̲̱͎͙̪̩̤̬̄͘n̵̛͕̩̳̲͎̉͒͋̇̐͝ẗ̴͉̰͈̏̂͆̍̄͒̑̈́͝."

(normal: most pleasant).

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When are the babies due?

Al did say they'll arrive in three months and it has been a while

"In around two months, based on Alastor's tracking. No exact date yet, so it's a bit nervewracking for me...so far, everything has been surprisingly smooth! If you exclude the horrible migraines and sickness. No odd cravings, thankfully...but I have been wanting his jambalaya quite often. No matter how much it goes to my hips and thighs."

"...mhh...I'm going to need to wear something else from now on. This is getting too tight for me...meaning that I'm getting closer and closer to actually being a parent."

"ᴵ ˡᵒᵛᵉᵈ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᵒᵘᵗᶠᶦᵗ ᵗʰᵒᵘᵍʰ. :⁽"

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@hazbmymhotel here

Alastor, Double Trouble

I'm having such a horrible night too

But it gets better, guys

Just lean on your little family

You have so much joy and warmth available to you

"Thank you for those words, darling. It's very uplifting for us...I'm sorry about your night, though. I hope that things get better for you as well. You're stronger than you know, alright? Keep on going. I know you can."

"...thank you."

He's still in a bit of a shell shock state. That doesn't mean he won't offer encouraging words.

"...as they said, keep pushing forward. And remember about smiles...they're...they're a tool to use. And in a way, they light up a room. Do smile for me when you have the chance. Keep on going, my dear."

[ask-the-sexyman-squad-archive]

DT!

My friend!

It sounds like you might use a nanny

“I mean…it would be helpful. But I think we have enough help from the others…what’s with the sudden—"

“DAD!!!!!”

“—offer. Well, I might need to have someone watch the twins, considering Samantha’s reaction…I’ll be back.”

[ask-the-sexyman-squad-archive]

ooh I've got a feeling the twins are gonna be rivals from birth XD always fighting for attention

"Oh, what a show that would be! Haha!"

"It feels like they're fighting for attention now."

"Oh my love..."

"They get this from you, you know this right—"

"...I know."

"Regardless, we'll love them no matter what."

"Precisely! No matter the rivalry, the twins will be loved endlessly!"

"Mhm...hey, hon?"

"Yes, my love?"

"...do we still have some jambalaya?"

"Ah, spicy cravings?~ I'll get that for you. Anything else?"

"That's all...thank you, hon."

"Anytime."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

[ask-the-sexyman-squad-archive]

wow, this month is certainly going fast, DT you feeling nervous at all?

"Surprisingly not as nervous as I should be...Al is more than supportive, Sam has been helping out a bit more, and the Sexymen are there for the ride. I think everything's alright...so I don't feel nervous. Not one bit. Mhm..."

...when they changed their answer, it was a blatant lie: they were beyond nervous...they just didn't want to show that weakness. They're still getting used to domestic life. And this demonic pregnancy wasn't keeping them as calm as they wanted to...

...!!!

Well, the movement was back...again. When they had just gotten the twins to stop, too. This was going to get annoying real quick.

"...of course they're up...they get this energy from their father."

They growled out the last bit in frustration, but out of pure love. They loved Alastor and their soon-to-be-born twins...but this energy reminded them of their husband on an excellent day, and that was draining them a bit...once more: the love remained there...and they wouldn't want to change this for the world.

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*prepares Sam's favorite treat and has it waiting for her for when she wakes up*

--@call-me-double-trouble

After that, she felt so much better. A treat, followed by her Papa letting her sleep? He looked content, too...she appreciated the gesture and sweetness. Congrats, you made her feel happy, along with Papa not being able to kill you!

"Nailed it."

"Without dying, too."

"Oh, that's just a bonus, my love."

"...I love you."

"I love you too, dear: I love you too."

They're still new parents...they'll get used to this. Maybe. After all, an adopted teenager with twins on the way might be a handful...but whose to say they won't get help? They will...and it'll be okay. :)

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*grabs Black Hat by the coat* Okay mister, I don't give a fuck if you don't have "emotions" and what not

Make this litlle girl happy again or else she'll be forever be depressed you sadistic son of a bitch or else we'll make you do so

BE! HER! PAPA! >:(

Begrudgingly and hastily, DT and Alastor had taken her to Black Hat. It was past twenty minutes and the tears still ran. So, out of desperation, they were now, well...directly in front of Black Hat. While holding Sam in his arms.

"..."

"...mhh...Papa?"

She's too tired to react strongly. She just knew she was being held by him without dying. And that was enough for her to pass out fully: the comfort was enough.

...oh he is judging them HARD. The look of pure disapproval, and the look of "Don't ever do this again.". It was frightening and threatening, but he was still holding her...had he cared just a smidge?

They're new parents...trying to calm their adoptive daughter. They're trying! That's what counts! ...right?

[ask-the-sexyman-squad-archive]

sam, since you called alastor dad, does that mean you'll be a big sister to the twins?

"I mean, if he and DT let me!"

"Oh ho ho, how endearing! I suppose I wouldn't mind you being a big sister to the twins."

"It would be rather sweet...so yes: she will."

Holy shit. She's absolutely hyped now. She never had any siblings, and while she didn't mind it, this was absolutely new and exciting.

"I'M GONNA BE A BIG SISTER!!! :D"

....we think she's happy now.

[ask-the-sexyman-squad-archive]

*gives DT a blanket, some soothing tea, a hug, a fluffy pillow, $1000 in cash, comfy slippers with bats on them, puts on their favorite movie for them, and gives them a comfy+oversized pullover that I sewed a handmade felt applique of theatre drama masks onto to fit their style and give them a little breathing room*

And if Alastor has a problem with me comforting DT, then he'd better know this-- *the lights get dim and dramatic, my face becomes serious, my tone threatening* I can comfort him, too. *cracks knuckles and pulls another blanket and some seasoned deer jerky out from behind my back*

--@call-me-double-trouble

Alastor doesn't care: he just wants the deer jerky. DT doesn't mind the comfort (but really they're okay now, Alastor made a mistake and that's okay!). Sam is meanwhile just annoyed and confused.

"How bad do you have to fuck up to make them cry?"

"Young lady, watch your mouth!"

"Ughhh..."

"...it's fine, really,"

"You sure? Because Alastor has never fucked up so badly that you broke down in tears because of having shithead twins growing in you."

"SAMANTHA! LANGUAGE!"

"I'm being honest, jeez! Sorry for being brutal honest, dad!"

"...dad?"

"....BYE."

She bolted out of the room, no questions asked...but definitely thought about.