#Sasuke who suffered with this unrequited love wondering if he would ever have anything like what he used to have again

[justsasuke]

There's this thought that's been festering in the back of my head growing independently like an unwanted fungus and it needs to breathe for a second so I'm sharing it.

(This is is another me thinking out loud post so please think of it as an exploration of an idea rather than a presentation.) what if, what if, what if. What if Naruto was Sasuke's first love. What if he liked him. like liked him. And when he realized it it made him frustrated. Because he's supposed to be focused on so many other things but this stupid obnoxious useless team mate of his has forced his way under his skin and won't leave him alone. And it's completely one-sided. Naruto doesn't feel the same way. yes he's obsessed with Sasuke but he really does mean friends. Naruto wants to be the greatest ninja, he wants to be Hokage and somehow he's so focused on those things that he doesn't.notice. that Sasuke is suffering. Meanwhile Sasuke is in agony because everyday it just gets worse. he cares too much. The desire for connection starts overshadowing his entire reason for existence. He's losing grip on the loneliness that was fueling his goals. And his heart is starting to ache with something completely opposite of darkness whenever he sees stupid Naruto connecting with so many people in the way only Naruto knows how. and it begins to not matter anymore if he can avenge his clan or not. All he wants is to be with Naruto in that world. He would die for Naruto. he did once. But Naruto doesn't feel the same way. And the unhealed wound in Sasuke's heart is festering too much and he's hurting in too many ways that can't disappear on their own. And then he starts realizing that Naruto doesn't understand him. That the village they were both born in isn't his home but it is Naruto's. That Naruto loves it and wants to belong to it and is actually starting to. And Sasuke realizes how far he is from this world that Naruto is living in because Naruto was born with nothing but is getting everything and he expects it to be the same for Sasuke too. He expects it to be the same for everyone. That's how it was for him. And he tells Sasuke so. And it ruins Sasuke because he realizes that if he stayed he would be ripped apart entirely by Naruto's world view, that whatever love Naruto was giving him was only burning him and suffocating him.

So he walks away. because the love Naruto can give him is not the love that will heal him or help him. It's the kind of love that will kill him.