#She's also always Canadian tho lmfao

[bubblegum-snowdrop]

OMG YOURE INTO YAN VNS WHICH ONES DO YOU LIKE

LMAO;;;;; YES I HAVE A HUGE PROBLEM XD

Something's Wrong With Sunny Day Jack is probably my favourite so far, Jack [who I call Jackie so much it's invaded my vocab for him] is a man who is too soft for me to cope with. Well;;; with the MC anyway XD I love him!!!

But the other ones I also really enjoy are [not exhaustive rip];

-YOU and HIM I'm gonna punch Adam and then kiss him and punch him again

-14 Days With You

-My Dear Hatchet Man

-Br0kenColors, which I keep trying to spell as Br0kenColours because we spell it as "colours" in Canada hjbfdvbhjkbhjvfbjhdbjdfbjfbjhvdfj

-Where Winter Crows Go

-Camp Willow Peak [excited vibrating as I wait for it hjbfvjhbfdbhjfdv]

-See Thru Need a Friend

-Duality I got the ending where you like them both and realized it too late lnjbgbnbjnbfjn

They are all in pre-release stages [some don't have demos yet] but 0^0 I am watching like a hawk and waiting for them. Anything that can be wishlisted is wishlisted. Anything I can wishlist later will be there the moment I know of it. In the meantime, I draw my MC girl and cry.

[ladyimaginarium]

NAME: Angel / אנג'ל / Aanzhenii / ᐋᓐᔐᓃ.

PRONOUNS: any pronouns ; preferably he/him, she/her, they/them, it/its ( unless if you're white or I& will destroy you ), fae/faer, wiiya/wiiyawow & indigenous & plural pronouns & neopronouns.

AGE: 22 / XXII ( Biological & Chronological Age ) ; 4-8 ( Little Age ) ; 19 ( Traumastuck Chronosian Age ) ; True Age varies from infancy to infinity.

BIRTHDAY: july 13th.

ETHNICITY: indigenous "canadian" / mixed white, native ( mi'kmaq, wolastoqiyik, abenaki, metis & huron-wendat ) & ashkenazi jewish. ( however due to staying inside so much & my& white seeming appearance, i’ve been assumed / mistaken as white or a vampire - person. lmao )

TIME ZONE: EST.

STAR SIGN: cancer sun ; sagittarius moon ; libra rising ; leo venus.

MBTI: INFP.

MORAL ALIGNMENT: a bit of a neutral good & true neutral ( dont test me& bitch )

HOGWARTS HOUSE: ravenpuff. not that it matters bc fuck jkr.

[ EXPERIENCE ]

HOW LONG (MONTHS/YEARS?): 14 yrs. ( considering last year & this one, usually on discord, will soon be 15 years by the end of the year & into 2023 )

PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED: used to rp back in forums. also used to rp in-game on impressive title servers like royal skies & last moon & feralheart then moved into tumblr & here i& am, usually on discord these days.

BEST EXPERIENCE:  meeting peeps i& would always gush & pterodactyl screeching about various fandoms we’re both into ; also making friends that’ll last a lifetime <3

[ WRITING PREFERENCES ]

FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT?: fluff & angst. smut? i& can definitely do but that comes w/ chemistry & not to mention im& arospec & acespec so its like. not smth i& do all the time at all.

PLOTS OR MEMES: BOTH!!!!

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: it depends on my writing mood, i& don’t mind both tho.

BEST TIME TO WRITE: mostly night in my& case. sometimes morning. depends on writing mood again or if im& not easily distracted.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): it depends on the muses but understand that my& muses are my& introjects now & are part of our& system & for the most part quite frankly always have been before my& syscovery; they were either just pretending to be muses or they developed a mind of their own. they're& all living, breathing individuals who all have their own goals, dreams, passions, ambitions, hobbies & fears & are dynamic individuals capable of reasoning & thought process, they tend to experience ideas & qualities of myself& from time to time, intentionally or not because when you share a brain that's what tends to happen, so basically don't be surprised if you see repeating behaviors in many of them or they stray from their personalities somewhat. all of them are dynamic, not stagnant, and they will not always remain the same, just like you & me&.

tagged by: nobody lmfao

tagging: @dethqveen @phantasmagcrical & whoever else wants to :V

[inkykeiji]

hellooooo clari bear !!!!!!! it’s so nice to your back again!!! i cant believe ur from canada,, i’m from australia and oddly enuf americans have always told me australians are the hot version of canadians, temperature wise at least i think eheheheh..... i also hate the summer bc i have a personal deep rooted hatred for sweating,, how can i look cute 24/7 if i’m drenched in my own sweat that isn’t even dabi’s???? also do you imagine the bmb and touya-nii series to be based in japan or somewhere else? do you think that reader would ever be jealous that she wasn’t touya-nii’s first??? and i noticed that for your picrew pictures always have cat ears, is there a reason why or is it just cute? cat ears seem so fitting for u bc u seem so cute and precious bby!! much like an adorable kitten! :3 i’m awfully sorry if i’m asking too many questions along with how long dis whole thing is, i really hope i don’t overwhelm u!! i’m currently writing this whilst watching a boring movie in cinemas and i’m so thankful i have u to focus on instead!!!!!! as always, this made my whole week so much brighter !!!!!!!!! <33333333 thank u for being ur amazingly magical self clari bby !!!!!!!!!!!! have a lovely week too, stay healthy and have fun with w ur boyfren b!!!!! :*))))

ps: dear god i have u to distract me this movie is making me want to gauge out my eyeballs oml :/

lots n lots n lots of love,

🧸

hi teddy!!!! <33

yes ehehe born n raised!! LMFAO i love that ahahahaha but i too really dislike the heat >.> although tbh i’m looking forward to summer just to be able to go outside and go on hikes again!!

yes, all of my fics are based in japan!! hmm that’s a good question!!! tbh not really; she’s extremely submissive and passive and thrives on others taking control and making decisions for her; if anything she’d just be possessive and jealous over the fact that other people HAVE gotten to fuck him before, if that makes sense??? but not necessarily over the concept of virginity itself and definitely nowhere NEAR how jealous he is that he wasn’t HERS ahahahaha.

EHEHEHEHEHE it’s because i am a kitty girl of course!!! aw thank you so much 🥺🥺 yes yes yes i am a lil babie kitty (^･ｪ･^) & no no omg don’t apologize at all!! i love answering them, it’s so much fun just to chat with you!!! i don’t mind at all ehehe 🥰 LMAOOOOO nooooo naughty teddy don’t text during movies!!! ahahaha i’m so sorry it was boring tho, what movie was it??? i’m a massive cinephile so i’m just v curious ehehe <3 m’sorry i’m just getting to this now, tho!!!

aw pls teddy you’re so so soooooo sweet ilysm 🥺🥺 thank YOU for such beautiful n kind messages, i appreciate them so much!!! i will bb thank you <33333

[dizzydancingdreamer]

74,61,3,+1 because I’m invasive and I like this concept

For you I would answer every single one of these questions don’t even test me

74. What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

My favourite song in this universe is Drops of Jupiter by Train. When I was younger I used to think it was written about me. Someone really special to me once said “one day you’re going to look back and realize that this was you and I’ll ask you what it was like to touch the stars. Make sure you don’t leave any details out.”

Honorable mentions: If You’re the Coffee - The Arcadian Wild, I’m Still Here - John Rzeznik (my fave movie is Treasure Planet), Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls (the same person I mentioned above covered this song for me), You And Me - Lifehouse (I’m going to get married to this one)

61. Are you wearing socks right now?

No ;)

3. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23. Give me line 17.

“What can they do to me? I’m an old man,” he repeated, nonchalantly surveying the circle that had formed around him. - Leo Tolstoy, The Raid

1. 6 of the songs you listen to the most. 

I will not be using my spotify wrapped ones because those are all from depressive episodes and do not count lmfao. Also I was waiting for this question omg!

I’m going to exclude the ones I just said bc it’s more fun that way

1. I Think I’m OKAY | MGK, YUNGBLUD, Travis Barker

(I can’t put into words what this song makes me feel but look up the video where MGK explains what he felt while writing it and you’ll want to cry. This is my go to fuck everything song.)

2. the lakes | Taylor Swift

(In a word; ethreal. “I want to watch wisteria grow right over my bare feet 'Cause I haven't moved in years.” I have loved Taylor since a little girl. She was my first CD. She documented my life and this song is the epitome of my year. I love it. I love her.)

3. WHAT YOU GONNA DO??? | Bastille, Graham Coxon

(This is a bang your head masterpiece and that’s all I have to say about it. It’s a Kol Mikaelson “I’m going to burn your house down” anthem)

4. Thnks fr th mmrs | Fall Out Boy 

(This one’s special, once again connected to the boy I spoke about above, but me and my best friend used to jam out to this in her jeep every time we were together, it was the only CD in her car and her car didn’t have an aux, we actually go in a car accident while listening to this song lmfao, nasty concussion, we’re both okay now, good times)

5. Oil On Water | Bastille

(This song sends me to a different planet. Bastille is one of, if not my favourite, artists. This song makes me feel everything on this earth. It’s exactly how I feel on a daily, it’s how I am, floating through life and picking up things here and there but never really sinking into the life itself. I’m an artist and this song takes everything that it means to be an artist and magnifies it. This song is art.)

6. Mr Red White and Blue | Coffey Anderson

(I can’t even explain this one, I’m a Canadian and I don’t really usually like country music but this one hit hard. Someone I’m really close to serves in the US Army and when I hear this song I think about him, I think that’s why it’s so special to me. It’s honestly a banger tho lmao)

[cithaerons]

sasshomaru

nobody gives a fuck about americans we're all just tools for other countries' nationalism smh

it makes me so upset seeing posts from people from other countries when americans are like "my family has to pay for their medical bills on gofundme" and instead of giving a fuck nonamericans will be like "lmfao stupid americans that's what you get for being racist :)" (even tho minorities are mainly affected by that kind of thing!)

also when blm was really trending in may/june/july and there were a bunch of people online like "wow just goes to show how racist america is" as if anti-blackness isn't worldwide

it gets me heated bc I've been afraid of going inside malls and large public spaces even before covid bc I'm afraid of being in a mass shooting, I've had friends tell me not to take them to a hospital bc they'll never be able to afford the cost... hell me and my friend (who is Black) were stopped by a police officer and she and i talked afterwards abt how we both wondered if that would be the end for us bc we're both minorities. but we're just "stupid Americans" and

everyone else can use us for their excuses of "well our healthcare is bad but at least it's not America's! our racism is bad but not as bad as America's!"

anyway thanks for coming to my tedtalk

^^^^^

literally!!!!

and i can 100% verify your first point. in canada, this crap is almost never any kind of genuine critique about the united states & the imperialist shit that it’s done or even ever-present america-centrism, which is definitely a problem. it’s almost always framed as “unlike the shitty US, we don’t [major flaw we absolutely, 100% have]” - like, i’m fairly certain “unlike the US, we don’t have colonialist baggage” is a direct quote from PM justin trudeau like two years ago. (you can literally buy cutesy swag saying “the world needs more canada” & this goes basically unquestioned by the canadian left & center. the US sucks but i’m fairly certain only the most hardcore neo-con would feel comfortable wearing a shoulder bag saying “the world needs more united states of america.”) & i can you from my experience growing up in 92% white christian everyone-is-related rural canada, where racism & anti-blackness & anti-indigenous bigotry is real & intrinsic & largely unchallenged, this rhetoric is used as a tool to excuse the most toxic, horrifying shit.

it also makes me very uncomfortable that so much of the “dumb americans who are so racist, at least we’re not like that” is coming from former colonialist powers & their descendants. tbqh, many of the problems in the USA (& in Canada) stem directly from its colonialist history. also: 90% of my middle school & highschool history classes in canada were focused solely on western europe. almost no discussion of indigenous history - the history of the land we were actually on. virtually no discussion at all of latin american, asian, middle eastern, eastern europe, or african history - all of which are important to canada’s history & culture (& like. the world). to my understanding, american history classes are extremely similar in this regard (correct me if i’m wrong). this is the fault of the US & canada & our culture that views western europe as superior to all other cultures, and not the fault of modern day british & europeans. but when people from former colonialist powers in western europe say “ugh, shut up, we’ve been indoctrinated into thinking that the world revolves around you :(” anytime someone (ahem, me, living in not the US) mentions an issue in north america --- to be quite frank, it goes both ways! and i’m truly not trying to diss anyone here - i think mutual empathy & understanding are really important.

[winsmoke]

Hi 😊 Let me start off by saying I read the doyoung fic at 2 am and nearly cried myself to sleep it was so beautifully written. I find it incredibly impressive how you’re able to channel past experiences and felt emotions into your work so accurately and maturely. I’m like a million times more excited for my rq after reading it and for your quality of work I’d literally wait years just to read it lmfao and! yes just the diploma, I’m doing biology! I’ve always been interested in science. Language isn’t forced in my school (I’m ����🇦 btw), but I’ve voluntarily been taking French since I was v young (still can’t speak it tho 😅). Exams in 9 days and I won’t lie, I’ve been stressing. But I’ve been getting through it. also also happy mother’s day LMAO sending ❤️ and all good things to u!!!

- lumi 🦁

2AM READS ARE THE BEST. I’m vulnerable when I’m tired so I’m glad you read it so late 😅 this sounds mean but thank you for crying 🙏🏼 channeling emotions and my experiences are admittedly my strongest points but there’s so much that I need to work on. either way thank you! My accuracy and maturity is definitely questionable but I’d like to think there’s a some authenticity in my writing. Thank you for always reading and reviewing 💞💞

Girl I feel so bad saying this but your request is definitely going to take a while 😭 i have to write for winwin, jaemin, and jaehyun first. but yes, lucas is someone I’m really really looking forward to writing. Wow we’re complete opposites! I’m really hopeless at STEM stuff, I thrive in social sciences 100%. Oh wow Canada! I have a few Canadian friends on here but almost everyone is from the states. I may have to learn french soon ah I’m not happy about it 😤 I bet you’re v proficient though!! at least at comprehension since you’re used to listening to it!

This semester was my most stressful semester ever but I still forced myself to get at least 5 hours of sleep and eat 2 meals a day. I doubt you’re pushing yourself to those extremes since you’re not in college yet but please treat your body with care! You won’t remember anything if you’re sleep or nutrition deprived. oh lol thanks I made my mom some artwork so she was really happy. Wishing you the best as always!

[piplupod]

the wolf is so pretty wow!!!!!! where did u get her from?? :0 ive rlly wanted some pelts myself too but ive always been worried abt the source and if its ethical

HELLO SHE IS GORGEOUS ISN’T SHE!!! AAAA I LOVE HER AND IM SO EXCITED FOR HER TO ARRIVE!!!!!!!

i got her from a seller on instagram!!! they needed to pay off a bill so they were selling her to help w the bill payment ;o; north_wolf_taxidermy is their handle if ur interested in looking!! they’re canadian tho so i dont think they can sell outside of canada (esp wolves) bc of laws :(

omg yea thats a really good worry to have and consider!!! pls excuse me if i dump a bunch of thoughts on you but i wanted to do a small Tedward Speaks moment abt this bc i have MANY thoughts abt it shdgdjkl

SO. FIRST THING. anyone who knows me well will know that i love love love animals (i think its kinda funny that im the one of six of my family that LOVES animals the most and yet im also the only one who got into taxidermy and vulture culture and preservation SHDGHSFJKL), and also that in everything i do the environment is like,,, my priority a lot of the time LOL. Im the person who will pick up litter on their days off (i do this and i actually carry around gloves and bags in my backpack in case i feel like picking up trash or see a bunch of it while im walking home from work or while im on a hike or smth sdhgsfjkl) SO BASICALLY WHAT IM GETTING AT IS THAT I TRY AND DO THINGS AS ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY (not just friendly but BENEFICIAL) AS POSSIBLE!!

that said: pelt preservation often uses a bunch of chemicals that Are Not Great for the earth. (i still believe that real fur is better for the environment than faux fur but thats another convo LOL) there’s also the danger of the sketchy ethics around fur farms that crop up because of demand on fur and pelts.

ANYHOWDY. trapping and hunting are the main sources of fur (though there are a few fur farms out there, and i’m still trying to decide how i feel about more ethical fur farms tbh, its really complicated) that you see on the market! roadkill can be a source, but oftentimes roadkill is quite damaged, so if you see someone claiming that this perfect fur is sourced from roadkill i’d be VERY skeptical!!!

trapping and hunting are quite ethical though if done right! its often done for population control so that the predator/prey balance and ecosystem doesn’t fall out of wack (i’m researching this today LOL bc i was curious abt WHY it gets out of wack). trapping and hunting are also often done in ways that try to cause the animal the LEAST amount of suffering and pain as possible. there are traps that only catch the animal, without hurting it at all!! those huge clunky painful leg traps are a thing of the past for most trappers (the good ones at least)!!

basically u gotta do ur research and make sure ur seller is GoodTM!! there’s issues w lying (”i source everything from roadkill, everything was found dead :)” when in reality they’re probably buying some stuff from trappers(BUT SOME PPL ARE GENUINELY TRUTHFUL)). of course it is LOVELY when we can take things that are already dead, but there’s issues surrounding that as well (the bones are actually important for the ecosystem, as many animals will gnaw on the bones and get nutrients from that, as well as the bones degrading into the soil and fueling future plants), so it’s like.... we are just trying to do the least amount of harm and the most harm displacement as we can while admiring and respecting nature and animals.

i like to also have a good reason for getting into this for myself personally since i struggle a lot with guilt and shame (hashtag trauma am i right LMFAO). for me, the reason I’m doing this is to honour and respect animals in death. I like to give them a respectful home where they will be appreciated, and not just hung on a wall like a trophy (trophy hunters make me SO ANGRY DHGSJLKL). i like to learn about anatomy, life and death, and nature through my work with animal remains. it is also meditative and spiritual for me! my work with my furbits and bones is very centered around respect for the natural world. ALSO BE AWARE THAT IF YOU TALK ABT THIS OR SHARE ANYTHING ONLINE OR OUT IN THE WORLD AT ALL, UR GONNA RUN INTO PPL WHO ARE JUST DETERMINED TO BE ANGRY AND DISGUSTED W YOU NO MATTER WHAT LOL. they just don’t understand and that’s not ur fault or ur job to help them to understand!! i try to explain a bit, when i see this ignorance, because it’s part of my spiritual work w the dead, but some people just aren’t worth anyone’s time.

YEA ANYWAYS WOW TEDWARD SPOKETH LOL, if you have any questions or wanna talk abt it OR have me take a look at a seller and suss them out for you, i’d be happy to help you out!!! im super passionate about this stuff and i think it might be a special interest of mine actually shgdshfjkl

[vvnm]

he thinks about taking a selfie for just a split second, but decides against it. it’ll be more fun this way, plus, he really doesn’t know how to take good pictures of himself. bertholdt always used to do it for him back in germany.

who knows, maybe i have three eyes, too? you can either believe me on this or not. people tell me my eyes are hazel? we don’t really use this word in german so take this with a grain of salt. in german i just say ich hab hellbraune augen. hazel does sound cooler than that.

i don’t know about the wrinkles on the brain when i’m the one getting lost at every corner (even tho i’ve lived here for about 2 months now). i think moving from a small village by the sea to this huge city does that. 😩

oh no, you found me out. i’m actually 76, thank you for making me older than i already am. 💀 (jk, i’m 27, how old are you? for all i know you’re the 80 y/o one) would be cool tho, an 80 year old granny who plays animal crossing??

rn? i’m just trying to figure out how to work my way around your subway. i’ve managed to get lost today, i wasn’t even supposed to be on the train where you wrote your number down. maybe we were destined to meet? who knows. i’m finally back home now, i ordered some poutine? is that how you spell it?? we don’t have it in germany but on the picture it looked amazing. i will let you know if i liked it.

it’s not even all that bad. i do miss my best friend, but we facetime. at least sometimes.

tschö mit ö!! 🖖 you’re a quick learner, huh? maybe you have the wrinkly brain and not me??

5 minutes later

[image of poutine with cheese AND bacon]

it’s delicious?? why isn’t this a thing in germany?

- german reiner

(mod: yeah i just noticed i never even signed off as reiner so. i'm definitely not the one with a wrinkly brain.)

Are you an alien??? 👽👽👽 spoooooky. Hmm, you've been told they're hazel by Canadians then? Don't take anything Canadians say seriously. I think most of us are colourblind. So maybe your eyes really are hellbraune augen 💀 I guessed that thats what the colour was. I did some deductive shit, and I deduce that was the colour part of what you just said.

Two months and you're still on your own? 😩 have you tried plenty of fish?? I'm sure a nice lil canadian guy or gal would show you around

I'm 53. Aw you're a strapping young lad, aren't you! I do play animal crossing with my grandkids

wait is 53 too young for grandkids??? 😳 okay FINE. I'm not a milf or a gilf 😩 i'm 25 and don't even have a pet to mother.

ouiiiii. c'est de la poutine. lmfao jk i can't speak french 😩 also stop. not ur best friend :(((( its ok if it makes u feel any better mine lives in germany, so we have the same problem, huh?? they live hours ahead of us 🧍🏻‍♀️ she's out here waking up smetimes when it's like midnight for me 🤡🤡 the audacity cause then i cant go to sleep i gotta stay up and talk

tschö mit ö!! yea i got tons of wrinkes wanna see????

[5 min later cos of poutine]

stop im so hungry 😳 did u go to a poutinery?? u gotta hit up the ma and pa places ok?? otherwise ur not getting the full experience here.

ah maybe the germans just don't know what they're missing 😩

[whyldkratts]

for the ask meme: all of them, but if thats too much maybe just the last 10?

Sorry for the long post aaaa1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? [I bought lottery tickets bc I was in texas and they’re not legal where I live and the cashier at the gas station didn’t even ask for my id. I tried to show him and he just shook his head and let me go???? He didnt even care wtf]2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? [Nah]3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? [Yea a little bit. I mean if it was just occasionally that’s probably fine? But a lot of my family has fucked up their entire lives with drugs so anything like that is iffy for me. It depends on how often they smoke ultimately]4: Do you find it easy to trust others? [I’d say yeah, probably. As long as you don’t fuck me over or guilt me within the first few weeks of knowing me id probably feel comfortable messaging you if I needed someone to talk to]5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? [Scrolling Tumblr]6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? [Probably my irl bffs lindy and raven!]7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? [Dump them. Adios fucker. I hope they’re happy with whoever they cheated on me with]8: Are you close with your dad? [Yeah I’d say so? I love him and he usually let’s me do my thing]9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? [Nah]10: What are you listening to? [Run by hozier]11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? [Sweet tea!!!! I’m from the south baby]12: Do you like hickeys? [Never has one so I don’t know!]13: What time do you go to bed? [Uhhhhhh 5am?]14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? [My siblings.]15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? [Nope I fuck up spelling a lot and have to go back and fix it no matter how many hands I’m typing with]16: Do you always answer your texts? [I try!! Unless I’m emotionally tired or forget]17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? [No. She’s my best friend now, actually]18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? [LIKE 3 MINUTES AGO I was complaining about how long it car ride home is]19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? [My irlbest friends, the cars discord chat I’m in, and a lot of my wk friends]20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? [I was writing ducktales fanfiction in my head]21: Is anyone else in the room with you? [I’m in a car with my mom for the next uhhh 7 hours?]22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? [Karmas a bitch]23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? [I was visiting family in Indiana, so yea probably? Tho I am pretty happy now too]24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? [Sometimes, with my old pal cat. She did some bad things so I stopped talking to her, but sometimes I want to catch up and see how she’s doing.]25: In the past week, have you cried? [YEAH over a darkwing duck episode]26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? [Grey. It has Mickey mouse on it!]27: Do people ever call you by your last name? [Noooope]28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? [I wouldn’t know]29: Do you have a best friend? [YEAH everyone in the cars discord and raven and lindy]30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? [No it was my great grandma lol]31: Who was your last call/text message from? [Call: red cross asking for my blood. Text: raven saying “dang”]32: Are you mad at anyone? [Not really? I don’t get angry very easily at all]33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? [When I was a freshman I was dating a junior]34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? [My great grandma! 88 I think]35: How many more days until your birthday? [LIKE a whole entire year. August 2nd]36: Do you have any summer plans yet? [Help my friend after her spine surgery p much. Visit family around the 4th of july]37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? [I have tons of girl friends!! All my best friends are girls (except em but they’re a good friend still!!!)]38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? [Lindy doesn’t know I’m trans]39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? [Uhhhhhhhhhhh next question]40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? [I try not to regret things like that]41: Do you think age matters in relationships? [UH YEAH?? An adult dating a minor ain’t my deallll]42: Are you available? [Lmfao yeah but don’t hold your breath I’m awful at relationships]43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? [My ex and bff dksdkdiajsai kill Me. I’ve had small crushes but I don’t rly let them grow too much if I realize they’re poppin up]44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? [Septum]45: Do you believe exes can be friends? [Yeah!!!!! I just reconnected with my ex from freshmen year and he’s cool]46: Do you regret anything? [Times where my mouth moved before my head could think and I hurt someone I cared about. Times where I didn’t listen. Times where I hesitated. But the past is a different country, and I try not to waste the present lamenting what I could’ve done.]47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? [Home. And the mistakes I’ve made.]48: Did you ever lose a best friend? [Yeah. She moved away and we just… talked less, and less, and less.]49: Was your last kiss a mistake? [Nah it was my great grandma]50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? [They have a bf and also dont like me plus im unlovable and bad at relationships and feelings *shrug emoji* the other person I’m interested in lives too far away and also doesn’t like me like that]51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? [Twas my gg and probably when I was a baby]52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? [All these last kiss ones are so angsty and sad and it was literally my grandma 5 hours ago I’m laughing]53: What was the last thing you ate? [McDonald’s French fries!!!!!]54: Did you get any compliments today? [Nah I’m in my road trip attire so I look like a mess]55: Where are you going on your next vacation? [New Orleans in October for voodoo fest!! Gonna see the foo fighters B)]56: Do you own anything from other countries?[I think I have Canadian money somewhere…]57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?[girls!!]58: Where have you lived most of your life?[Sweet Home Alabama]59: When was the last time you took a long drive?[DOING IT RN!!!!! 13 HOURS]60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?[yea but it was like, mashed up with truth or dare. Instead of kissing we asked them truth or dare]61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?[nah I’m pretty mild]62: Who do you text the most?[raven probably? Or max]63: What was the last movie you saw?[spirited away I think??? First time I ever saw it]64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?[I’m single, don’t remind me :P]65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?[I was 12 and right smack dab in the middle of my ugly awkward phase (thays still going on today!) So I had none lmao]66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?[nah]67: Do you curse around your parents?[GOOD LORD NO]68: Are you happy with where you live?[I? Hate Alabama. My city is okay but I want to move somewhere nicer]69: Picture of yourself? [I have a selfie tag. I would upload but I’m lazy. Maybe if I find a pic I like later I will]70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?[polyamory All the wayy!!!!! But monogamy is cool too]71: Have you ever been dumped?[probably in elementary school but I don’t remember? I usually am the one to end it bc I get freaked out and skittish around people genuinely caring about me so I break it up before they’re disappointed]72: What do you most like about making out?[being comfortable and close enough with someone to do it.]73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?[yup!]74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?[depends? I’ve asked to kiss someone and I’ve been asked equal amounts.]75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?[eyes? Idk there’s a lot that goes into finding someone attractive it’s hard to narrow it down]76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?[my mom]77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?[virgin]78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?[virgin]79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?[Any cartoon character I’m currently hyperfixated on]80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?[yes. But i would go slow and I wouldn’t want to meet their child until we were both sure this was something we wanted long term.]81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?[no its usually me? Wait i take that back!! One girl did while I was in hs but I’m pretty sure she only did it bc she just figured out her sexuality and I was queer and there.]82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?[nope I bottle that shit up!!!! But if it’s a long standing crush I’ll tell a few people eventually]83: Do you miss your last sweetie?[No.]84: Last time you slow danced with someone?[my friend Franklin at prom. We pretended to be spies on a mission forced to act casual as we scoped out potential enemies]85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?[??? Don’t like the skeptical quote marks. I’ve been in long distance relationships before, yes.]86: How can I win your heart?[just like…… be nice to me, ever, and I’m into it. Talk about things you like, ask me about things I like, try and get into/understand my interests and I’ll do the same?? Don’t make fun of me and don’t belittle my interests. The bar is low]87: What is your astrological sign?[leo]88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?[sleeping]89: Do you cook?[pasta!!!!!!!]90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?[yeah!!! 3 years of no talking and I reconnected with max recently]91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?[uh it’s complicated. Yes but idk if I’m in a good place for a relationship. I haven’t even begun to transition at all.]92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?[you say that like I could get multiple people to date me]93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?[nice dress style?? Glasses are good too. Idk questions like this are hard augh]94: Name four things that you wish you had![money, a job, plush darkwing duck toy, a car]95: Are you a player?[no]96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?[nooooope]97: Are you a tease?[hahahahaha no]98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?[nope!!! Not yet]99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?[maybe. But I don’t think you can love someone too deeply who doesn’t love you back]100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?[sure, plenty]101: Hugs or Kisses?[both??? Both is good]102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?[It’s Not shyness, it’s rejection I have a problem with]103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?[girls are pretty]104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?[Yeah I guess]105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?[If it was an open relationship and everyone knew the situation, then yea prob?? If not, then no.]106: Do you flirt a lot?[not really]107: Your last kiss?[my grandmaaaaa]108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?[not in a romantic way]109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?[not in a romantic way]110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?[next question]111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?[nope!! It’s a hopefully nice surprise for future me]112: Does someone like you currently?[probably not lol but ive got no idea!!]113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?[sure]114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?[I want to fall in love.]115: Ever made out with just a friend?[yeah]116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?[in a relationship I think?]117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.[just send me an ask and ill answer it]

This got a bit of self hatred dashed in there whoops sorry!!!

[scrawlingskribbles]

*wakes up from a dead sleep at 2AM because guess who had another Dream*

not from the AltCanon!verse this time tho because it was Darradmond instead this time and also it was framed really different & also transitioned pretty swiftly into basically a nightmare that’s got me kinda teary rn but I wanna immortalize these moments bc they were HECKA CUTE & I’M ALREADY FORGETTING PIECES AAAAA

okay so like I said this one was different from the Prophetic ones because it’s like… I wasn’t watching pieces of the show this time, the characters were just kinda running around in my same plane of existence like that’s Totally Normal.

so the first one was me going around like a Wal-Mart kinda store looking for (*snorts*) my friend’s wedding reception???????? w h a t why was she having it in Wal-mArt(?)??????? but anyways that’s what I was looking for, and as I’m going up & down the aisles searching I just casually see Rad & Raymond holding hands in one of the food aisles & talking about something about the foods that had them both looking kinda confused lmfao but that wasn’t what I was looking for so I like slowly circle-meandered around the store and then I found them again later in another part (it had like…. vehicle tires & parts on the right and like pet toys & accessories on the left?????) & they were looking at the pet toys & then Darrel ran up like an excited puppy ((unrelated to the pet supplies)) and they both just kinda smiled & laughed at whatever he’d said & Rad waved for him to crouch down with him to help pick one of the pet toys but then everythingg got hecking interrupted by the GOTDANG WEDDING PROCESAION APPARENTLY DECIDING TO PARADE THROUGH THIS AISLE so they all just kinda stared at that whole train[wreck] with the kind of amused befuddlement that I’m now feeling for it and just looked at each other & shook their heads & walked away a la Joff & Nick Army in the bg of Plaza Prom

so then I went off & did wedding stuff for a bit BUT THEN the second one happened later where they were sitting in like. a school lunch room or a mall food court or something (that kinda vibe yanno) that I think might’ve still been in the Wal-Mart(?) because I was watching them from like a little ways away in my wedding-involved group (I was completely ignoring my bride friend just to gawk at these losers (sorry Ashley ;w;)) but it was like all 3 heroes & all 3 bots sitting at a table eating food & stuff in this crowded public place but everything was fine (like no one cared that they were Boxmore bots) & Rad & Raymond were sitting next to each other all cute & idk WHY but Darrell was sitting in Rad’s lap like facing him but leaning back/around so he could still see everybody else & be in the conversation bc they’re all just talking & occasionally laughing & Rad was just casually holding him like that like it was nothing and it was the most adorable hecking gd background-like scene ai’ve ever seen & I wanna cry???? WHY WASN’T DARRELL IN HIS OWN SEAT I’M SO CONFUSED LMFAO but then I was like fumbling with my phone trying to get a picture or something because I was freaking out because *OMFG I’M HERE WHERE THEY’RE ACTUALLY FILMING THE EPISODE THIS IS A LEAKED CONTENT LIKE NO ONE’S EVER SEEN BEFORE* because THAT makes total sense for a cartoon show x,D but I like kept fumbling with it too long & missed it bc I had to leave with the wedding group :,( (still leaking it to y'all now tho as best I can remember lmfao)

but anyways then I got swept up in wedding stuff again & it eventually melded into a nightmare-type thing that involved me having to drive alone to Cincinnati to meet my mom (even tho I can’t drive), apparently somehow thinking it was okay to play this like mobile minecraft-Stardew-abomination-bootleg that had these really unnerving clown sprites WHILE I was driving, subsequently stops looking where I’m going because I’m too busy playing the game & almost crashing the car for like 2 full minutes of pure anxiety that Imm still feeling in my chest, getting offered help from some Canadian geoscientists who were on their way to South America(?????? they made sure to tell me this) who couldn’t actually tell me where I was because they weren’t from the area, me then driving back home because I somehow knew how to do that but not get to Cincinnati, and thrn had to (first of all FIGHT so friggin hard & frustration-inducingly with the menus on my phone to) call Mama & tell her why I wasn’t gonna make it & I was like crying because it was SCARY & her voice was like so hard & judgey the entire time (unlike my real mom who’s always super sympathetic) and then she yelled at me & told me she had probably-breast-cancer bc the reason she was in Cinci was for a doc's appt & they had told her that they found something in her chest that meant That and????

and then I woke up. almost crying. and immediately messaged my mom telling her I love her bc we haven't talked in like a week.

ssssooooooooo yeah lmao other than the devolution into nightmare land those shippy scenes were???? the Cutest gotdang things???? :,3

[junkcrs]

GIMMIE ALL THE ANSWERS MY DUDE

Oh fuck off LMAO

1. Who is your defense main?Mei?? Junkrat??? I definitely have more hours on Junkrat lmao, but if we’re playing comp y’know I’m all about that gold gun Mei

2. Who is your support main?Imma go with Lucio, even though I play every healers at least decently, he’s my top played boy at what... 110 hours? from a flex players that’s a lot yknow

3. Who is your offense main?No thanks, I don’t have that much fun with DPS man, Pharah or Soldier are my best ones bc ez tbh LMAO

4. Who is your tank main?Trick question, all of them. I have the gold hammer but who doesn’t. Playing a shit ton of Winston too, have an impressive amount of hours on DVA and I am (was?? lmao) a solid hog. I play Zarya out of necessity in comp sometimes. Only one I don’t play is Orisa

5. Who is you MAIN main?Uh. IDK. Depends on if it’s QP or Comp. Like... Junkrat is in my top 3 most played and yet I never touched him in comp, etc. I just call myself a tank main ngl.... who has the most hours on Lucio I guess LMAO

6. Which character have you played the least?Orisa, then I think it’s Bastion, both under an hour

7. Which character do you want to learn how to play?Idk I’m pretty satisfied with my character pool, I GUESS a real decent dps but that’s lame

8. Which character do you dislike the most?Tracer whenever she talks tbh... Or Zarya but that’s just because I really don’t give a shit about Zarya

9. Which character’s background story do you like the most?Everyone knows it’s Hog lmfao, it’s so good dude like very little is said about it but at the same time there’s just so much and then so much more when you decide to really stop and think about it. Honorable mention @ winston too

10. Which character’s background story do you like the least?Hmmm there are quite a lot I just straight up find not interesting, Zarya, once again. Or like Pharah I’m so just...  lukewarm about it lmfao. I know literally 96% of the fandom disagrees but idc

11. Which map is your favorite?King’s Row, Numbani, Eichenwalde... Hybrids maps my dude. Lijiang except control point. Also in QP, Anubis defense is the stupidest shit

12. Which map is your least favorite?Oasis & Route 66

13. What Arcade game type is your favorite?Mystery heroes lmaaaao

14. What Arcade game type is your least favorite?Total Mayhem is.... not fun

15. Do you prefer quick play, competitive, arcade mode, or custom games?QP is my go to, but I love comp, especially since I stopped caring

16. Which map type is your favorite? Assault, escort, assault & escort, control, or arena?Hybrids, ez. Then KOTH, 

17. Which map type is your least favorite? Assault, escort, assault & escort, control, or arena?2CP tends to be pretty stale sometimes

18. Which event map was your favorite?Uprising is such an easy win. Fun PvE without getting repetitive  like Halloween

19. Which event map reskin was your favorite?Christmas King’s Row, it was so pretty man. I also really really liked spooky Hollywoods. Holiday themed maps are just fun

20. Which event was your favorite?I think Halloween was the one I had the most fun honestly, not so much the event but the winposes matching and it was the first time a map got reskinned and I remember just going through the map with my friends while we were all freaking out about it

21. Which event legendary skin was your favorite?Cruiser D.Va, Bajie Hog, Ironclad Torb, Witch Mercy.

22. Which event was your least favorite?Summer Games was pretty.... ok? Idk the lucioball was fun but beside that it was aight at best. Or maybe the anniversary event but then again nah... cuz the emotes and skins were on point.

23. Which event legendary skin was your least favorite?I GUESS Null Sector Orisa because it takes away her face and expressions like... pls.... give the ^ ^ back

24. Which event non-legendary skin was your favorite?Mako Hog, Junker DVa, Sunyatta Zen, Deadlock Torb, Daredevil 76 :^)

25. Which event non-legendary skin was your least favorite?Goth Zarya probably LMAO even though I sometimes use them just because theyre so laughably bad. Young shimada bros ain’t great either IMO, but I use young Hanzo because I only play Hanzo as a joke and I like getting the potg with the highlight intro where his hair is just blocking his entire face

26. Which event item do you most regret not getting?Junkrat’s intro 8( and all the voicelines i forgot to buy. 

27. Did you beat the Uprising event on Normal, Hard, Expert, and Legendary?Hard definitely, maybe expert? IDK I didnt especially try to get the achievements so idk

28. Do you have Sombra’s “Power Outage” achievement?Doubt it I don’t really play her

29. Do you have Widowmaker’s “Smooth as Silk” achievement?Yeah I remember I jumped off a roof while being chased by a reaper and just headshot him on the way down

30. Do you have Lucio’s “The Floor is Lava” achievement?Yeah, got it in comp on LiJiang it was great

31. Do you have Zenyatta’s “Rapid Discord” achievement?Yeah, Overtime Gibraltar is pretty fun

32. What was the first achievement you got? how the fuck do u expect me to remember this. The only achievement I clearly remember getting in the beta was junkrat one with the mine into trap thing but I know thats not the first

33. Did you get the “Not A Scratch,” achievement on Junkenstein’s Revenge?I dont think so

34. What has been the hardest achievement to get for you?Reaper solo kills lmfao

35. What’s your current SR score in Competitive Mode?Uuuh something around 2600? Idk I’ve been pretty bad LMAO especially since I get disconnects a lot :/ and also dont grind comp

36. What the highest you’ve been in Competitive?Diamond something like 3150 or so

37. What’s the most amount of placement matches you’ve won?7? Maybe?

38. How many gold guns do you have?Two, Rein and Mei

39. Which was the first gold gun you got?Big Hammer, bc it’s so obvious and I like smacking people with it

40. Whose gold gun do you currently want?I kind of always wanted the gold hook(tm) but now I’m not too sure with the nerfs :/ Maybe Winston LMAO

41. What role do you usually play in Competitive?Tank, or heals especially if its a KOTH map because of all these boops potentials

42. If you don’t play Competitive, why not?I do tho

43. What kind of theme event would you like to see in the future?Horrible beach party where no one has an actual revealing swimsuit save for roadhog

44. What type of character would you like to see in the future?More healers tbh, I’ve seen a lot of people ask for an evil healer and yea that sounds great

45. Who needs more (or better) skins in the future?See the logical answer would be widow or zarya yknow but no i mostly just want more junkrat even skins

46. What country would you like a new character to come from?Give us a french canadian hero

47. Favorite voice line?Junkrat’s multikills voicelines are what fuels me, Come out and play is a fave, and the ouverture singing. And Road and Rein just laughing at multikills too man

48. Favorite player icon?Have fish masterrace

49. Favorite emote?Lucio’s dance, Roadhog’s sit, Junkrat’s sit, Roadhog’s headbanging, Winston’s PB, Ana’s Candy

50. Favorite spray?PUNCH KID MASTERRACE

51.Favorite victory pose?I like when everyone is just squatting

52. Favorite highlight intro?I like all the ones where they shove their guns in your face so you can see how gold it is

53. Characters you ship the most?No I, don’t care............ I only ship Winston and happiness y’know it. I’m ok with some ships but I truly do not actively ship anything nor care about it

54. Characters you ship the least?Junkrat x anything makes me uncomfortable as all hell, I’ve never been so attached to another character not being interested in romance before, it just rubs me the wrong way. a lot

55. Characters you wish had more in-game interactions?Roadhog and anyone, don’t get me wrong, I love how he just doesn’t talk to anyone except junkrat (and mccree once to threaten him) and just talks to himself, but pls lmao. Also more torb and rein pls, their interactions are so fucking good lmao

56. Character you wish had a comic about?Lucio

57. Favorite comic released?Going Legit or the Bastion one

58. Favorite short released?Last Bastion

59. Favorite new character released?Grandma’s pretty tight

60. Overwatch, Blackwatch, or Talon?Uh Talon, I guess? Probs overwatch tho because at least we know what’s their goal beside ‘lmao we’re bad guys’

61. Pro-Omnic or anti-Omnic?I’m pro omnic yall know it

62. Favorite character that isn’t a playable one? (Ex: Emily, Brigitte, Gerard, Efi, etc.)Athena

63. Character change (nerf, boost, work around) that you liked the most?No more Junkrat self damage is fucking hilarious, and the whole Lucio changes are fucking incredibly fun

64. Character change (nerf, boost, work around) you liked the least?Roadhog 8( FeelsBadMan

65. Best ultimate?Rein is easily my fave one. It can be absolutely useless or you can get a team wipe with it if you use it well. It’s so satisfying

66. Worst ultimate?I would’ve said McCree but now it’s actually pretty good. Gotta say Hanzo’s pretty fucking horrid lmao

67. Most kills in game?shit lemme go see... In QP it’s 41 with Hog, in comp it’s 58 with D.Va ( I once got 50 with Lucio?? lmao )

68. Most heals in game?In QP, 16.8K with Lucio and in comp 37K with... also Lucio

69. What character do you think needs a nerf? D.Va’s DM probably...... lmao or a slight rework at least

70. What character do you think needs a buff?I’d really like if the hook cooldown for hog went back to 6 seconds, or listen... I’d love for torb to be actually decent, could you imagine... 

71. Have you ever rage quit in the middle of a game?Nope lmao

72. What’s the fastest you’ve won a game?Like a minute and a half on Volkskaya or something

73. What’s the fastest you’ve lost a game?Probably the same thing

74. Your best Overwatch-related story?I met some of my best friends through it, yes yes im looking at you, rayan :^)

75. Weirdest thing that happened to you on Overwatch?One night I got matched against all of my irl friends it was great and completely random

76. Platform you play on?PC, I own it on ps4 as a joke but it’s awful, I’m awful. lmao

77. Do you stream?If people asks 

78. Do you normally play solo or with friends?Friends usually, I don’t mind playing alone tho

79. Have you made any friends because of Overwatch?So many

80. Have you cosplayed a character from Overwatch?Nope, I’d make a nice mei tho i have the same glasses and i also happen to be evil

81. Have you ever wrote fan fiction about Overwatch?I never wrote fanfiction lmao but my blog... lmao

82. What’s the lowest you’ve been in Competitive?2400? 2300? we don’t talk about the end of season 4

83. In “All Brawls,” if you get “Charge!” do you play Reinhardt or do you pick the Lucio role?I don’t think I’ve ever played that, but I’d play lucio just for the boops

84. In “All Brawls,” if you get “One Shot, One ,” do you play Ana, Hanzo, or Widowmaker?Havent played either, id be fine with anyone tho 

85. In “All Brawls,” if you get “This is Ilios,” do you pick Lucio or Roadhog?i dont play brawls idk.......... lucio bc i can just jump on roadhogs heads and be safe

86. Team Genji or Team Hanzo?Team idc about shimada bros im so sorry

87. Be honest! Do you usually get on the payload?Im top 1% objective time lucio baby

88. Does your team?yeah cuz i dont play with morons lmao, even randoms im usually pretty lucky

89. What’s the longest session of Overwatch you’ve played?I dont think I want to know

90. No Limits, Mystery Heroes, or Total Mayhem?Mystery Heroes, ez

91.Most cosmetics you have for one character?I have most of cosmetics for everyone

92. Least cosmetics you have for one character?Orisa, she’s new

93. Have you ever made your own custom game?Nope

94. Best D.Va skin?Bruiser

95. Best Mercy skin?Witch? I think

96. Best Tracer skin?How about.... none........ jk the latest one was decent

97. Zarya’s Industrial and Cybergoth skins: yes, no, or HELL NO?all day everyday

98. Do you want more animal character, robot characters, or human characters?JET PACK CAT. id be down for... one more animal character, otherwise thatd be too much. another robot eventually, though we just got one. im fine with humans

99. Is there are character you’d get rid of completely?widow tbh, i dont care for her much lorewise, she’s french and also either 1. they’re mostly useless in a match or 2. good and simply unfun to play against

100. What do you think Sombra’s real name is?idk lmao ive never really bothered to think about that

[rhapsody-in-heaven]

An Open Letter about Racism and the Term Banana

Context

First Incident sometime last month i referred to myself as a banana and was told it was subtly racist. i *thought* i had adequately explained why it was not and why i identified as such. i had also explained that i would never actively call someone else a banana unless they also referred to themselves as such.

Second Incident it happened last night. to her defence, before i start, she was a bit drunk and i also know shes super passionate about this topic. however, i do have to say i think shes too “politically correct” sometimes to the point where she would be offended by how i view myself - but well get to that later. anyways, she was a bit drunk and we somehow came to the topic of xenophobia vs racism and that somehow spiraled into “reverse racism” and how it, in her opinion, doesnt exist, but i didnt agree. i mostly was content with letting the topic go but she really wanted to convince me otherwise. she got frustrated w me enough tho that she said something along the lines of “this is like how u call urself a banana and think its not racist and that its okay, but it is racist and its not okay” to which i yelled back “i talked to my asian american friends about this and they all tell me that you dont understand my experiences”

Open Letter

Part One - Our Conversation About Xenophobia, Racism and “Reverse Racism”

First, I want to say about the whole issue of xenophobia and “reverse racism”, maybe youre right. And certainly you believe so. Maybe white people cant experience racism. And i certainly understood your point about how its only the oppressed class or classes who could experience it. 

But I also believe that they can be oppressed in non-white dominated countries. Maybe you see it as discrimination and not racism. And that’s fine. But I do not claim to know everything that happens in the world, and so I cannot say for 100% certainty that they do not. 

Even if in a societal scale they “cannot” experience racism. Can you then say it doesnt happen on a personal level? If my moms telling me she rather me marry Chinese>Asian>White>Black, to me, that is racism not just “discrimination” or “xenophobia” (which was by ur definition a rejection of anyone whos different) why isnt it just “i rather u marry a chinese guy”? why are there tiers? 

Maybe you have a sound explaination for this. Maybe i still dont fully understand the subtle differences between the term racist, or xenophobic. Again, im more than willing to play with the idea im wrong. But its not something youre going to convince me of in a 15 minute half drunken conversation. 

Side Note: Did you know white europeans used to be enslaved by muslims? these are the stories we never hear about because being a victim at any point in time doesnt fit the narrative of white people always being on top or the narrative of whites being the “evil colonialists”.

Part Two - The Term Banana

I thought you understood me the last time we talked but I guess not because you called me racist last night. I want to preface this by saying at the time I read what articles I could find, written by asian americans about how they either accepted or rejected this term. I also went to ask my asian american friends what they thought as well.

All my friends and I identify with the term banana. There are some, in the articles I read who do reject this term. And i will reiterate that I would never call someone a banana unless they themselves do and it comes up in conversation like “im such a banana.” “lmfao its fine we can be bananas together”. 

I remember you thought it wasnt a term I should use because “i will always be asian” and i cant “make myself white”. I have never wanted to be white. I was a pretty weird kid, and I always knew i was different from others, I was always very aware of the fact that I was Asian and I was always proud of it.  My Experiences from Canada

I know for some of my friends it was a shock learning that they were different from their peers. One example i can give is the comedian Joe Wang tells this story about how his son thinks hes white and was shocked to learn he was actually “yellow”.  But for me, anytime someone asked me where i was from, I would say “China” (at this point i didnt know the difference status Hong Kong held). Now, part of this I attribute to actually being born in Hong Kong and therefore saying i was from “China” was true to me. The other part is that I never really experienced racism. Then again, maybe i did and i was just too dense to realize.  But i never had the thing where kids would go “ewww whats that stuff ur eating”. Certainly i would get weird looks sometimes, but, to me it was just like i like eating broccoli but hate carrots, u think broccoli is gross but u love carrots. I never took it as a racial thing. I even remember i brought mooncakes once for my class to try and almost no one took me up on it but the teacher. The ones who did expressed they really didnt like like w their face. But i didnt feel bad. I remember carrying the box of mooncakes back to the car and telling my mom they didnt wanna try and immediately both of us said “oh well, more for us”.  I will say when I was young, I really wanted to have blond hair and blue eyes, curly hair even. I saw a friend and thought it was so pretty. But even as i imagined myself with blond hair and blue eyes, i still saw myself w asian features not white features. A little later I started watching anime and wanted purple eyes so i can say with certainty it wasnt a me wanting to me white thing. My Experiences in Hong Kong and with My Family in General 

Growing up my parents and my family back in Hong Kong, would always call me a “gwei mui”. From wikipedia, “Gwei [xxx] is a common Cantonese slang term for Westerners. In the absence of modifiers, it refers to white people and has a history of racially deprecatory and pejorative use, although it has been argued that it has since acquired a more neutral connotation. Cantonese speakers frequently use gwailou to refer to Westerners in general use, in a non-derogatory context, although whether this type of usage is offensive (i.e., an ethnic slur) is disputed by both Cantonese and Westerners alike”. Yes, in the past this word was racially charged, but in the present, its just another way to refer to westerners. I don’t really wanna get into it right now because theres a lot more to break down, but just know that its just a common way to refer to foreigners and the term “gwei mui” specifically refers to white girls. 

I grew up like this. And I grew up knowing that it was a very neutral term for people to call westerners and I also grew up being called such. Just as it was a fact that I was a girl, or that my moms name was Elsa, I was a gwei mui. 

Hong Kong is an international city. And there are foreigners everywhere. I remember walking into a store and before I even said anything, the shop assistants would ask “oh, youre from overseas right?” “yeah, how did you know?” “oh i can just tell by the way u carry yourself”. I had a friend tell me that she could tell i grew up overseas from the way i stood waiting in line, have ppl tell me they could tell by my make up or by how i dressed.  My “Thesis” on the Matter

In Hong Kong, and in my family and my extended family I was always the “white girl”. You once said that I couldnt be white no matter what, that i would always be asian. Can you tell my family that? Can you erase the fact that I was heavily influenced by western culture? I will say again, i never wanted to be white. And to be quite honest, when you said that I couldnt be white, and that i would always be asian, I felt angry. Angry that you could even imply I would want to be white, that i would want to be anything other than asian, that you assumed to know how i was feeling. 

But you need to understand, its not about “wanting to be white”, its about “not being asian enough”. You need to understand, that it never came from white communities, it came from my parents and my family back home. 

It was never racially motivated. It was just a fact. I’m currently 25 years old, I’m 5ft5(ish), I weigh about 117lbs, I was born a girl and identiy as such, I’m from Hong Kong, I grew up in Canada and i’m a banana. 

If we were to go back to what u were trying to explain about racism and xenophobia then you could make the argument that “gwei mui” and “banana” had xenophobic roots - but to tell me its racist? because im itching to be white? i thoroughly reject that and i find it offensive.  If we were to take this stance tho, that it had xenophobic roots, and is therefore xenophobic, I would say “yes, maybe. but if im reclaiming it and seeing it as acknowledgement that I am a mesh of two different cultures, who are you to tell me its wrong?” Furthermore, i would make the argument that the n-word most definitely had racial undertones. but black ppl proudly call themselves the n-word. Why cant I call myself a banana without people telling me im being racist.  The final reason on why that statement about how i will always be asian and never white disturbs me to the core is the way that statement lumps all asians together. And maybe you didnt mean it like this or didnt even notice. But my experiences are vastly different from my cousins who grew up in Hong Kong. And yes, by the colour of my skin i will always be asian. But the experiences that make up who I am and my personality are very Canadian, very western based. And to basically overlook that, is to overlook my existence and the existence of Asian Americans.  I know you would never do this, but to basically put all Asians in one category is the same mind that would white supremacists' would tell us to “go back to our country” not acknowledging that most of us were born or at least grew up here. 

Thoughts from My Asian American Friends. Like I said, I talked to this with a lot of my asian american friends. Most of which identified w the term banana and actively call themselves one. Others who don’t, but are not offended when others identify themselves as such.  They reiterated that the term banana was never about “wanting to be white” that it was never an issue of “want”. That it never came from white communities. It came from their families back in asia. That they were “too white” or “not asian enough”. As one friend put it, “i mean in honesty we say it cause we feel like we don't totally belong to our culture, it's not saying it in means to erase our race.” another friend added “ This is true. I’ve seen posts about struggles of other Asian Americans who feel like they’re too Asian to be accepted as an American but too American to be accepted as an Asian lol”. They also said that to deny us of calling ourselves bananas is to invalidate our experiences and our existence as asian americans. That we are not the same as our counterparts who grew up in asia. That we were heavily influenced by western culture. “ Lmao did they just forget that as much as Asian blood runs in you, your whole life has been in CA? For that person to say that to you feels like she’s already making you feel invalidated for being Asian AND Canadian”. Who are others, who are not asian americans, to tell us, asian americans, how we can or cannot identify ourselves. Who are non asian americans to tell us this is racist, to say that we “want” to be white when they dont understand how we feel at all. my one friend said and i quote, “yeah I don’t think calling myself a banana is racist, like dude I’m talking about myself and how I see myself, who tf are you to say anything”.

one friend said it played into the white savior narrative. that we dont know better and that not specifically you, but that in general white ppl are getting angry for us, trying to educate us and inform us because we dont know better.  Another friend agreed that it probably started off as a negative but then ppl accepted it cuz it made sense - similar to how gweilo started off as having negative connotations but is now just neutral. She said, “banana imo is one of those words that started off as something bad but gradually (some) people accepted it and started referring themselves as banana because it makes sense lol”.  Closing Statements

I’m not trying to make you feel bad and i honestly hope i dont. But I remember you telling me it was important to have these conversations so I hope this isnt too  uncomfortable. honestly tho, i dont even know if im ever going to send this to you or if youll read it.

But I really need you to understand where this comes from and where I’m coming from. If you dont agree, I can’t really change that. But to essentially call me racist for how identify myself with the things i struggle with, is 100% not okay. To tell me I’ll always be asian and to imply i shouldnt want to be white is 110% offensive. and to lump asian americans with asians is 100% denying our experiences. to tell me how i can and cannot see myself, is also 100% not your call, its mine. And it really hurt to know after our conversation last time you still thought i was ‘wrong’ that you thought I was being racist instead of truly respecting where it comes from.  At some point you might be able to gradually convince me ‘reverse racism’ doesnt exist. but there is no way in hell, you will convince me that how I or other asian americans see ourselves is the “wrong” way to see ourselves.