#Someone get this borb a therapist

[itshomobirb]

cw abuse, vent

why is talking irl about abuse so difficult. litcherally telling someone (like a doctor, a therapist, any sort of professional) about my mother's behavior has me 🥴

"oh so she's abusing you." yes. no. i don't know. "she's not abusing you, she's just showing she cares/she's traumatized too/you haven't asked her to stop enough" no she's abusing me. is it abuse. is it frequent enough to qualify as abuse. yeah i had to start anti-anxiety medication bc the stress of being around her put me in 24/7 fight/flight/freeze, and when she's around i stay locked in my room and keep my head down every time i go to the kitchen/bathroom/laundry room, and i try to only keep one headphone in bc if i dont respond she will touch me to get my attention & that touch is so uncomfortable (on my shoulder). does it count. is my suffering enough.

one of the preferences housing authorities give for giving out vouchers is domestic violence, and the idea of saying, multiple times, "yeah my mother is abusing me" has me freaked. i wanted to disappear quietly from my family, move out and just slowly cut contact. if they catch wind of this... oh god if they try to do an "intervention" ... "why are you so mean, borb? don't you know how much she's done for you? all that she's sacrificed? you're so ungrateful, i feel like im walking on eggshells around you, stop being mean to your mother."

[thewinterraven]

Oh gosh I hope you feel better soon, especially with those meds. That makes me question: Did Meta have to also undergo treatment/meds when he was found ??? (or is that "spoilers" to ask?)

Puffballs heal best when sleeping, and when they did get him back he was in such bad shape that he took a while to wake back up. He had his injuries treated, but he wouldn't let most people come near him to give him any medication

Considering he got jabbed by a needle to get captured, I think he would be super wary of anything for a long time. He would struggle to talk about what he went through, too.

Only his closer friends would know some of it. There's no question he would have needed a professionals help, but I don't think he would have sought it out. He was Sir Trust Issues before he got taken, he was worse when he came back

[ionlylikemycat]

i’m just tired y’all. i’m so damn tired. i’ve been tired since i was 8. and like nothing is going to get better?

my physical health will only decline as i age, slowly corroding my body until i’m 6 spinal surgeries deep with more on the horizon. i went swimming yesterday for maybe 40 minutes and my body is still screaming. i couldn’t even actually swim! i just sat waist deep in the water so i wouldn’t hurt myself- and still ended up hurting myself

my mental health is a fucking joke. i’ve been this unhappy as long as i can remember, i don’t know what it feels like to not hate yourself so much it makes you physically ill. i’m not going to get better at making friends, the parts of my personality people find off putting aren’t going to go away no matter how hard i try to make myself palatable. the idea of someone loving me is laughable and ridiculous and unimaginable- i mean that literally, i cannot imagine a world in which someone loves me, it is just blank. if i really do have bpd, which me and my multiple therapists think i do, antidepressants and mood stabilizers are never going to work the way they should. i just get to continue feeling this way. forever

i’m stuck, physically and emotionally, and none of the nice people i pay to help me solve problems can come up with a solution. everything is a dead end, everything is out of my reach. all i do, all day every day, is this. i sit. and i refresh the same five tabs. and i hope someone posted something that will hold my interest for more than fifteen seconds. and i smoke. and smoke. and smoke. and sometimes it makes the day pass quicker. and sometimes it’s like walking through molasses and every minute is a lifetime

i’m not gonna kill my self, mostly because the cosmic nothingness and lack of nothingness within death has been giving me existential panic attacks since the third grade. so i get to keep doing this for the next how ever many decades, and hope i die before my sisters (i made borb promise i could go first)