I NEED YOU ALIVE
Steve Rogers x F! Avenger! Reader
Incl. Sam, Tony, and Bucky x Natasha
Summary: Steve can't wait to propose, but when a mission goes south, he's not sure he'll get the chance after all
Warnings: Angst to fluff! Some cursing. Some blood and injuries. 2.5k words.
Steve carefully opened the blue velvet box in his hand, revealing a simple yet beautiful engagement ring. Light reflected onto the golden material, a small diamond on top. Steve knew his girl liked it simple, so that was what he got. A warming smile grew on his lips as he imagined the ring perfectly fit on her finger.
Bucky gently nudged at his pal’s side, a smirk present on his face. Steve chuckled as a response, speaking in a low voice, “This is it Buck. I’m proposing tonight after the mission.” It was Y/N and Steve’s two-year anniversary after all, but unfortunately they had to go on a last-minute mission before celebrating.
“M’ happy for you pal. She’s gonna love it.”
Steve had been carrying the ring in his picket ever since he bought it, looking at it every now and then - even at the risk of Y/N spotting him. Bucky had reminded it of such many times before, “Might put it away before your girl sees it.”
The whole team were gathered inside the jet, but luckily Y/N was sat opposite of the super soldiers, occupied in a conversation with Natasha. Steve let out a happy sigh and closed the box, “You know how it is Buck…”
Bucky did indeed understand; he understood the excitement Steve was feeling, the thought of spending the rest of a lifetime with the love of his life. The former Winter Solider had proposed to Natasha just a few months earlier anyways.
Bucky patted the blonde’s shoulder, “One more mission, and she’s all yours.”
“Right.” The Captain put the box back in his most secure pocket and got up. Time to get over with the mission. Walking into the middle of the jet, he spoke up, “Okay team. One last recall on the mission plan.”
Y/N gave him her immediate attention, admiring Steve in his Captain America stance. Steve gave her a small smile before he continued talking, “Y/N and Nat will get the files. Buck, Sam and I will go for the hostages, while Tony-” Steve turned to the billionaire, “You work as a shield around the base. This is a last-minute mission, which means we gotta be prepared for anything. Sam will back you up if needed.”
“Dream team,” Y/N commented from beside Natasha, giving her a pound, “Let’s go.”
Tony turned in his seat and prepared the jet for arrival, just outside the Hydra base, “Check your gear everyone! We land in three.”
As the they landed, Steve guided for Y/N to come over, which se gladly did. The Captain put his shield on his back, before caressing his girlfriend’s face, his brows softening as they made eye contact, “Be careful, okay? You know I hate separating from you on missions. So please, don’t take any unnecessary risks. I need you back in one piece.”
Unbeknownst to Y/N, Steve was referring to the upcoming secret proposal, thinking of the ring hidden in his pocket. He needed his future bride to make it back from the mission alive.
“That goes both ways,” Y/N raised a brow and smiled, “But yes, I promise.” With a quick kiss, they bid each other good luck before Y/N jogged off to join Natasha.
“Come on pal, let’s go.” Bucky said form beside the Captain. Steve couldn’t help feeling a little uneasy though, watching his girl disappear out of sight. Shrugging it off, he nodded at Bucky before leading the way.
Y/N and Natasha snuck up to the first entrance where four Hydra agents were guarding the door. Y/N looked over at the redhead mouthing, “Element of surprise?”, gaining a nod in response. On three, Y/N launched forward and kicked one man to the ground, before ducking as another tried to shoot her.
Natasha was already slamming the shooter into a third Hydra agent, while Y/N knocked out the guy beneath her. Finishing off, she shot the fourth and last guy running at Natasha. The girls gave each other a pound before continuing further into the base.
“Y/N look!”
Y/N turned to face Natasha, her eyes following whatever the redhead was pointing at. A staircase, leading up to a glass covered room holding what seemed like computers.
“Just what we were searching for,” Y/N winked and ran towards the stairs, stopping when a pair of Hydra agents suddenly appeared at the top. Y/N was a quick and precise shooter when it came to guns, not arrows, that was Barton’s specialty.
Fast, she brought out her gun and shot both agents in their head before they got the chance to react. Natasha came up beside her, impressed, “Not bad, but save some for me, will you?”
“Then you gotta keep up,” Y/N teased. Natassha rolled her eyes and followed her friend up the stairs. As they reached the computer-room, the coast seemed to be clear, with no booby-traps in sight.
“Awesome. Go do your thing,” Y/N winked at Natasha who entered the room, before she spoke into the comms, “Mission report. We found the computer-room.”
“Good. Get those files and stay on guard,” Steve reported back, “We just found the hostages. Getting them out now.”
Natasha was skilled when it came to hacking, so downloading the files were like a baby’s work. It was when they thought they were safe to leave the base, things started to heat up.
“We got the files, heading out now!” Natasha spoke into the comms, following Y/N out of the room.
“Copy that.” The Captain sounded satisfied, “And the hostages are brought to safety. Everyone return to the jet.”
While Tony gave his own report into the comms, the ladies of the team faced a sudden surprise outside the computer-room. Out of nowhere, a gunshot sounded through the hall, followed by the sound of Natasha’s agonizing scream.
She had been hit.
Y/N was quick to react and shot the Hydra agent who had fired and felt a knot in her stomach as she watched her friend fall to the floor. “Nat, shit!” Y/N rushed over and fell to her knees, “Hold still.”
Natasha had been shot through the leg, thick blood flowing out of her wound. Y/N ripped a piece of clothing of her own suit and wrapped it around the redhead’s leg. Bringing a hand up to her comm, her shaking voice spoke up, “Nat’s been hit! We need backup asap!”
“What!?” The frantic voice of Bucky sounded through the comms, “Where are you? I’m coming!”
“We’re just outside the computer room. West part of the base. Please, hurry!” Y/N’s worried voice responded back, before she shifted her attention back to Natasha, “Hold on Nat. Bucky’s coming.”
Natasha was weak, the wound being dangerously deep. The redhead brought out her hand for Y/N to hold, which she instantly accepted. Y/N felt scared, she couldn’t carry Natasha out of there herself, nor would she leave her behind. The last thing she needed was more Hydra agents approaching them in such a vulnerable state.
As if the universe hated them, the voices of more Hydra agents could be heard from downstairs, “They’re up there! Let’s go!”
Shit.
“Guys, hurry! There’s more agents and I can’t deal with them alone with Nat like this!” Y/N yelled into the comms, readying her gun for anything. Right now, protecting Natasha was the only thing she cared about.
“On my way!” Tony said though the comms, his voice stern with a hint of concern.
Steve felt his heart twist and turn, the sickening feeling in his stomach not helping. If he knew his girl correctly, she would do anything in her power to protect Natasha. Even if it meant putting her own life at risk. “Don’t do anything stupid Y/N! We’re on our way!”
“Hold on baby, I’m on my way!” Was Bucky’s words trough the comms. Natasha let out a shaky breath at his voice, clearly getting a bit of relief from it.
As the first Hydra agent made his way up the stairs, Y/N shot him in the head, making him fall into the one coming up right behind him. Y/N got up on her feet and saw at least six more agents running up to get them, “What the fuck?”
“Y/N you need to-” Natasha spoke thought a cough, “Get your ass out of here.”
“Forget it. I’m not leaving you.” Y/N’s voice was stern, so was her stance. As more agents ran towards her, she shot them. One, two and-
Her gun was out of bullets.
In the moment of panic, she took a step back before throwing her gun at the floor. Reaching for her knife, she spoke through the comms again, “My gun’s out, and these bitches keep on coming. Hurry!”
“Fuck, we’re almost there doll!” Steve was panicking. He could run fast alright, but coming from the other side of the base was quite the long way, “Tony!”
“Almost there Cap!”
Taking advantage of Y/N’s moment of distraction, the next Hydra agent tackled her to the floor. She usually managed to take out a guy alone, but as another agent joined in to hold her down, she struggled.
Natasha noticed and couldn’t just lay and watch. The redhead gritted her teeth together and lifted herself slightly off the floor, pointing her gun at one of the agents. Trough her blurred vision, she shot him in the arm. The man screamed in pain and let go of Y/N.
Unfortunately, the Hydra agent realised Natasha was still a threat, even in such a state, and went forward to grab her instead. The man lifted Natasha by the collar and dragged her towards the stairs, pointing his gun at her, “This is what you get little bitch!”
His words grabbed Y/N attention, her eyes widening, “No!”
Everything from there happened so fast. One second she was pushing Natasha out of the way, and the next, she was falling down the stairs with a fresh bullet-wound to her side.
In the moment of tragedy, Iron Man came flying in, catching Y/N only seconds away from having her head slammed on the cold hard ground. Holding her with one hand, he blasted the last remaining agents dead, before finally landing. Tony gently put her down, his mask revealing the distressed features on his face, “My god-”
“Natasha!” The yell and sight of Bucky came in view. He spotted his fiancé at the top of the stairs, not hesitating to get to her side. Right behind came Steve and Sam, having no idea what would meet their eyes.
The exact moment Steve spotted Y/N lying beside Tony, he felt his stomach drop. The Captain rushed to her side, falling onto his knees as dust flew in the air, “Oh my god--”
As Tony put pressure on her wound, Steve brought his hand up to caress her cheek, “Oh my god Y/N, you-”
“M’sorry Stevie…”
“No, don’t you say that!” Steve was panicking, his eyes going up to meet Tony’s, “What do we do?!”
Composing himself, Tony got up from the ground, “She don’t have much time. We need to get her help, asap! I’ll get the jet ready, you bring her.”
Steve felt his breath quickening at Tony’s words. As he watched Iron Man fly off, Steve shifted his attention back to his girl. Fresh tears streamed down his cheeks as he spoke, “I’m sorry doll, but this is gonna hurt.” Steve, as gently as he could, lifted her up in his arms, shutting out her agonizing scream to concentrate.
“Hold on doll, I’m bringing you home,” Steve promised as he ran the fastest he ever had. He watched as his girl grew heavier in his arms, her eyelids trying to fall shut. “Don’t you dare close your eyes!” Fuck he was worried.
“I’m not losing you today doll, just keep your eyes open, please.” Steve begged as he noticed how quickly his girl faded.
“M’sleepy…” Y/N wasn’t thinking clearly anymore, not feeling much either. She was just happy her last moments would be in the hands of the man she loved.
“No, I can’t let you to that. You need to stay awake, sweetheart. Please.” Steve cried as Y/N’s eyes closed, knowing there was nothing else he could do but run. “No, no, no, Y/N! Stay with me, please!”
As Y/N went completely numb in his hands, the solider screamed out in frustration. The jet was right in front of him, and as soon as he got to lay her body down, he fell to his knees, silent sobs shaking his broad shoulders.
His hand reached into his pocket, fingers tightening around the blue velvet box. She couldn’t die on him, not like this. He still had an important question to ask her.
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
Just like he had been doing for the last few days, Steve sat by her bedside, listening to the monitor telling him she was still alive.
Steve refused to leave her side. Sam had tried to at least make him take a shower after the mission, but he still wouldn't budge. Steve had to be present the exact moment Y/N woke up.
“Hey, pal,” Bucky entered the room, “How’s she doing?”
Steve let out a sigh, letting his eyes leave Y/N for just a moment to look at his friend, “You know… the same.”
“Hey, I could watch her for a while if you need some rest,” Bucky suggested, but the Captain only shoot his head, “You know she’s gonna be mad when she wake up and realises you didn’t take care of yourself.”
“So be it,” Steve stoke his thumb over the soft skin of her hand, “I just can’t leave her side. I thought she was gone Buck. You saw it! Her heart stopped, twice!” Fresh tears streamed down Steve’s face at the memory playing in his head.
The day on the injury, Y/N’s heart stopped twice if not more, and it scared the hell out of Steve. He had to see the world crumbling down before his eyes, only for the universe to prank him. It made him angry. Oh, how he hated Hydra, for almost taking away his future.
Bucky didn’t comment Steve’s words. It could easily have been Natasha in that situation, but Y/N had saved her without hesitation. He would be forever grateful – he just couldn’t bear the thought of his best friend losing the love of his life instead.
Luckily, Y/N was recovering.
“You look like shit…” A crocked voice came from the room. Steve’s head shot up in surprise, eyes landing on her beautiful ones looking back at him. Bucky smiled and rushed out of the room, going to get a doctor.
“Y/N? Oh my-” Steve gasped, rapid breaths escaping him, “Fuck, Y/N, I thought I lost you.” Steve reached forward and cupped her cheek, not even bothering to hold back the sobs that followed.
“M’sorry…” Y/N let out a shaky breath, still adjusting to the light and pain in her stomach, “And uh- how long was I out for?”
“Five days,” Steve responded, still in disbelief his girl was finally awake, “Thank god you’re okay, doll. I love you so damn much.”
Y/N was a little taken back by the number of days but shook it off as she watched Steve’s broken expression. She tapped at the empty spot beside her, guiding for Steve to lay down. He hesitated for a moment, scared of hurting her, but accepted when she looked at him with pleading eyes.
“How’s Natasha doing?” Y/N asked as she remembered the redhead.
“She’s okay,” Steve sounded a bit hesitant, “Thanks to you I’ve heard.”
“Steve… I’m sorry for being reckless, I just-”
Steve sighed and reassured her, “It’s okay, I’m just glad to have you back alive. We’ve been at this one before; I’d do the same for Bucky and so on.”
Y/N chuckled and rested her head against his shoulder, hearing his rapid heartbeat.
Letting out a shaky breath, Steve turned to face her properly, his eyes softening as he looked at her smile. He reached into his pocket to grab the blue velvet box he had so patiently waited to give her.
“Y/N, this is not how I imagined doing this, but-” Steve brought the box forwards. Y/N’s eyes widened at the sight, her hand coming up to cover her gasping mouth, “Steve…”
Steve opened the box to reveal the beautiful ring, his eyes plastered on her the whole time. Her widening smile and teary eyes made his heart melt, “After almost loosing you, I can’t wait any longer. Please, will you do me the biggest honour of becoming my wife?”
“Oh my gosh! Yes!” Y/N cheered with the little energy she had and let Steve put the perfectly fit ring on her finger, “It’s beautiful Steve!”
Steve let out a soft chuckle, “I know this isn’t an ideal way to propose but-”
“It’s perfect!” Y/N assured him and reached forward to press a kiss on his lips. Though as she moved, a sudden pain overwhelmd her stomach, “Fuck!”
“Shit, are you okay?” Steve went straight into being protective, watching his fiancé shut her eyes in pain. As she didn’t respond, he grew worried, at least, until she started giggling. “Fuck that hurt.”
“You scared me doll,” Steve let out a sigh and reached forward to plant a kiss on top of her head, “You sure know how to pain an old man’s heart.”
Before Y/N got the chance to respond, a doctor came into the room, Bucky following suit, “Sorry for ruining the moment, but we need to check if everything is okay.”
“That’s fine, I know you’ll take care of my fiancé.” Steve kissed the top of her head and left the bed, going to stand beside Bucky.
The brunette punched Steve in the arm, “Now you can finally stop the obsessive ring gazing. I’m happy for you pal.”
“Thanks Buck.” Steve's eyes didn’t leave her figure as he stood there. He watched as she laughed with the doctor, a smile plastered on her face, even though she just woke up from a fay day long coma. She was such a ray of sunshine – she warmed his heart.
Oh, and to believe she would be his for ever.
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Degrowth basics
"The word degrowth stands for a family of political-economic approaches that, in the face of today’s accelerating planetary ecological crisis, reject unlimited, exponential economic growth as the definition of human progress."
What is Degrowth? | Caracol DSA
Why degrowth is the only responsible way forward | OpenDemocracy
Degrowth and MMT: A thought experiment
We Need A Fair Way To End Infinite Growth | Current Affairs
Degrowth: A Call for Radical Abundance | Common Dreams
Can degrowth save us and the planet? | Nottingham Trent
Defending limits is not Malthusian | Undisciplined Environments
Can We Have Prosperity Without Growth? | New Yorker
The Urgent Case for Shrinking the Economy | The New Republic
Giving Up on Economic Growth Could Make Us Cooler and Happier | The New Republic
A guide to degrowth: The movement prioritizing wellbeing in a bid to avoid climate cataclysm | CNBC
What is ‘degrowth’ and how can it fight climate change? | Popular Science
Enough for Everyone | Yes! Magazine
Toward a Post-Capitalist Future: On the Growth of “Degrowth” | Lit Hub
All we are saying is give degrowth a chance | The RSA
A pathway out of environmental collapse | newsroom
On Technology and Degrowth | Monthly Review
What is degrowth (and more importantly, what is it not)? | META
Green growth
"There is no empirical evidence that absolute decoupling from resource use can be achieved on a global scale against a background of continued economic growth."
Is Green Growth Possible? | Jason Hickel & Giorgos Kallis
The Myth of America’s Green Growth | Foreign Policy
The decoupling delusion: rethinking growth and sustainability | The Conversation
Is green growth happening? | Uneven Earth
Green Growth | Uneven Earth
The Delusion of Infinite Economic Growth | Scientific American
Degrowth is not austerity – it is actually just the opposite | Al Jazeera
A response to Paul Krugman: Growth is not as green as you might think | Timothée Parrique
Deceitful Decoupling: Misconceptions of a Persistent Myth | Alevgul H. Sorman
Degrowth isn’t the same as a recession – it’s an alternative to growing the economy forever | The Conversation
Degrowth and the left
"In the middle of an ecological emergency, should we be producing sport utility vehicles and mansions? Should we be diverting energy to support the obscene consumption and accumulation of the ruling class?"
The Left should embrace degrowth | New Internationalist
Ecosocialism is the Horizon, Degrowth is the Way | The Trouble
Degrowth: Socialism without Growth | Brave New Europe
Toward an Ecosocialist Degrowth: From the Materially Inevitable to the Socially Desirable | Monthly Review
For an Ecosocialist Degrowth | Monthly Review
Degrowth and Revolutionary Organizing | Rosa Luxemburg NYC
The necessity of ecosocialist degrowth | Rupture
Degrowth is Anti-Capitalist | Protean Mag
Degrowth Communism | PPPR (Part one | Part two | Part three)
Economic Planning and Degrowth: How Socialism Survives the 21st Century | New Socialist
Degrowth and the South
"Southern countries should be free to organize their resources and labor around meeting human needs rather than around servicing Northern growth."
Who is afraid of degrowth? A Global South economic perspective | IBON Foundation
The anti-colonial politics of degrowth | Jason Hickel
Unlearning: From Degrowth to Decolonization | Rosa Luxemburg NYC
Degrowth requires the Global South to default on its foreign debts | Resilience
Journals/Reports
Degrowth: a theory of radical abundance | Jason Hickel
A systematic review of the evidence on decoupling of GDP, resource use and GHG emissions, part II: synthesizing the insights
What does degrowth mean? A few points of clarification | Jason Hickel
Providing decent living with minimum energy: A global scenario | Global Environmental Change
Urgent need for post-growth climate mitigation scenarios | Nature Energy
Degrowth and critical agrarian studies | Julien-François Gerber
Decoupling debunked – Evidence and arguments against green growth as a sole strategy for sustainability | European Environmental Bureau
Incrementum ad Absurdum: Global Growth, Inequality and Poverty Eradication in a Carbon-Constrained World | David Woodward
Degrowth can work — here’s how science can help | Nature
A New Political Economy for a Healthy Planet | Jason Hickel
Planning beyond growth. The case for economic democracy within limits
Millionaire spending incompatible with 1.5 °C ambitions | Cleaner Production Letters
Is green growth happening? An empirical analysis of achieved versus Paris-compliant CO2–GDP decoupling in high-income countries | The Lancet
Books
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A People's Green New Deal | Max Ajl
Less is More: How Degrowth Will Save the World | Jason Hickel
Breaking Things at Work: The Luddites Are Right About Why You Hate Your Job | Verso Books
The Future is Degrowth: A Guide to a World Beyond Capitalism | Verso Books
The Imperial Mode of Living: Everyday Life and the Ecological Crisis of Capitalism | Verso Books
Marx in the Anthropocene: Towards the Idea of Degrowth Communism | Kohei Saito
Degrowth & Strategy: how to bring about social-ecological transformation
27 Essays and Thoughts on Degrowth | Giorgos Kallis
Videos
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How Degrowth Can Save the World | Andrewism
How We End Consumerism | Our Changing Climate
Demystifying Degrowth | Rosa Luxemburg NYC
Degrowth is not Austerity | John the Duncan
Degrowth and Ecosocialism | Planet: Critical
Degrowth in 7 minutes: Fighting for climate by living better | Think That Through
The Future is Degrowth (w/ Aaron Vansintjan) || SRSLY WRONG
"Degrowth means power to the working class!"with Jason Hickel | GND Media
Others
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