#Supervisor I have issue with in short order made the situation at work a nightmare. Including apparently trying to uh

[eclipsecrowned]

oh today was a shitshow. for real.

[cruzctrl]

So, i've been gone for quite sometime. And alot has happened, it being me becoming director of respiratory at my facility, hating every minute of it, stepping down after 5 months, and picking up a full time job at a former facility. There were quite a few things that made me step down- actually alot of things:

1. Short staffing

The issue with short staffing and trying to approve peoples vacation times was a nightmare. I catered to these people thinking yeah its gonna be fine. Ill figure something out. Then when i get call ins, no one is willing to work. Im not about to run 20 hours working at this place when 8 hours is already dreadful. And guess what, i still did it. I tried. But the consistency of how bad no one wanted to work was more than enough of a problem for me to step down. And i low key hated people to begin with and it didnt make the job any easier.

2. Supply shortage

This was probably the worst one. Id do my daily tuesday routines of ordering supplies, and yet i seem to never get the main supplies i need. Trachs. Bacteria filters for suction machines. Pulse oximeter probes and cables. And its out of my control. I get it. Ever since covid cane around it hasnt been any easier for anyone. But again, being blamed for something i cant control was already daunting and i hated

3. Inheriting a staff i've worked with for 7 years

It sucked. They know my work ethic. And they see me as one of them. Not as a supervisor. Only when they need my signature to sign off on their overtime. Or their vacations. Or their bullshit sick days. And when i needed the help only a few were able to pull through. The fact that im somewhat salty about this whole situation makes me think: what could i have done differently? Why dont they look at me as someone who can take over a department? But then again. It is what it is. The lack of respect was already more than enough for me to leave. Aside from that, another guy who didnt even work more than 8 days a month became the director and they seem to give him more respect than me. But, like i said i could of done things differently, but i wouldnt know what to do anyways ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

4. Taking work home

This was one thing i told myself- never take work home. Thats what i did. I took work home. I think about when the next time im gonna have to come in to cover a shift, why no one responds to my group me texts, or whatever shit that i needed to come in for. The stress and anxiety of coming home really fucked up my sleep. So bad to the point where id stay up super late just to enjoy what little time i had to myself. Thats bad on my part and probably affected me to the point where i dreaded work.

BUT

Ill admit, i low key miss goin to work whenever i want, but i dont miss goin to work when i shouldnt even be there. The amount of stress that has been lifted from my shoulders is so nice, i forgot how it was to just go to work, get things done, and leave with no worry about anything more or less. Im pretty content with what happened, how i did, and i appreciate the few support of people who really had my back. Funny thing is, they didnt even decrease my pay rate, so although i stepped down as director, im still getting director pay! I guess if theres a way to cheat the system, that was definitely it.

So, in hindsight, Im on call / per diem at my old facility, and got hired as full time at.. another old facility. BUT my pay has definitely increased in both places. Ever since i left, everything has looked alot brighter. i bought a new car, im back to working noc shift again, im happier as a whole, and i just think everything that ive dealt with was a lesson and that not all things at the top is so mint. The new guys i met at work seem pretty chill, and we have a few hobbies that we have in common so it was really easy to get a long with them. Plus i think this whole subacute dept as a whole is just good for myself and patient care. Its really nice to be able to go back to work and feel like im making a difference with what i do. I couldnt help but feel useless as a director. I guess one of the perks is the amount of overtime im gettin here, it is so absurd that im probably gonna be making more than my other places i worked at. Anyways, im happy and thats all that really matters. Ill probably post some pics of my new whip soon, just gotta find the time to take some decent pics. Hope you guys have been well, and this was just me ranting.

[the-canary]

Starlight - B.B (3/6)

Summary: Mysterious, but life changing things always happen if you just let life take its course – you decided to try it for once. (Modern AU!Reader/Bucky Barnes).

Prompt: Emily Dickinson: XXI

Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 

A/N: This is for @abovethesmokestacks ‘s Summer Writing Challenge.  At the end, I am not trying to make the main character seem vain or greedy, as shown with the constellation’s background story, but the beauty and other things that she holds from Bucky’s POV. Just wanted to point that out. 

Feedback is always welcomed.

As much as Bucky loves traveling and seeing the stars from all types of different scenery while enjoying the type nature that you just can’t get in New York, he still has his bad days. There are days were he shuts himself in his hotel for days, where the screams and darkness living within his mind suffocate him. There are other days where he is completely numb, ignoring the red in his eyes and the red from where he scratches too hard -- but, he thinks he deserves it after all he has done.

It’s one of those times when he slowly makes his way way into central Arizona after spending some time in Utah. From the very beginning, Bucky felt like something was off -- he was too hot, the desert reminded him too much of his time back in the Army, and the coldness that settled over the desert dug too deeply into the scar tissue of his left arm and the invisible wounds that ran up and down his body.  

“ Hey Sam ,” he calls his sometimes friend after being woken up by the hotel staff -- his neighbors had given numerous complaints throughout the night of his screaming.

They threaten to kick him out without remorse, worst case scenario they call the police, but Bucky leaves to another hotel closer to the road  before they can.

“ Hey Stevie ,” he cries to his sleepy best friend, as the unfriendly darkness (the one without stars) causes him to cry all night, though he tries to muffle the sound until he gets two hours of fitful sleep.

He’s no good, is all Bucky can think to himself, as tears stains run down his cheeks and there’s a heavy feeling in his chest. He turns over and reaches out for his little journal. Blue eyes stare that the picture tapped in the beginning for a long time, as he wishes a certain someone was here with him but at the same time, wishes (and is happy) she is so far from him -- probably has already forgotten about him. He lets out another choked sob at the thought.

He’s no good for anybody.  

 Arizona has to be the worst state you have ever been to, though it wasn’t you’re doing -- everything just seems against from the beginning. You had felt a sense of renewal after coming back from New Mexico and it showed in both your professional and personal life, as you finished projects with stellar praise from your superiors and you had even gone out a couple of times with your friends and had even started talking to Wanda every once and awhile. Things were going great and then your supervisor, Mrs. Hill, had decided to send you to a week long seminar in Arizona, and while you had been excited in the beginning -- the traveling details, extra work hours, and general disregard for your health slowly changed your mood. It also didn’t help that it was the fucking middle of summer and your mother had been in the same area, through her own work was well, causing you to meet up as a result for a quick family dinner. However you should know by now those never ended well.

This what you do, what a disappointment. No romantic life either, what good are you  for anyways?

By midweek, you were tired from the lack of sleep and anxiety running through your veins leading to you  sitting in the middle of your room with your notebook, hoping that writing might calm you down like it usually did -- it wasn’t doing a good job. You wanted to go home, you wanted someone to tell you it was going to be all right, but even with all the small changes that you had been making… you didn’t have any of that. Why didn’t you? Weren’t you good enough? Was your mother right about the choices you had made since leaving her home all those years ago?

The anxiety and suffocating loneliness becomes too much, as you walk out of your hotel room in shorts and a old t-shirt to look for a vending machine, just to get out of your head and focus on something else -- that’s when you see him standing next to your destination, red-eyed with shaggy clothing and hair as you stop breathing for a moment.

The universe always knows what you need, as your grandmother used to say.  

 Flagstaff, AZ

“Bucky?” a soft voice drags Bucky from his endless tasks of counting the stars from his current viewpoint. It wasn’t enough, but it was better than staying in his room by his lonesome, but the sound of that voice makes him think he’s finally lost it. Why would she be here of all places?

He wipes away the sleep from his eyes, to make sure he isn’t dreaming, “Doll, what ya doing here?”

You smile as the sound of his voice, as you step a bit closer to him. You both look like individual wrecks in the middle of the night, but seeing him just lifts your spirits like they haven’t been in a long while. He straightens himself up, as you look at the machine trying to pick what to choose, as you explain that you are here for work purposes and he tells you that he’s still traveling, actually on his way to see the Grand Canyon. With the trade of plenseteries over, there is only one other ignored issue  to bring up between the two of you -- the elephant in the room, and you ask first.

“Can’t sleep?” you ask timidly as red-rimmed blue eyes look at you before turning to look at the dark canopy he knows like the back of his hand, but sometimes it can feel disorentiening, like he’s a little kid afraid of the dark. He shakes his head and tries to stay nonchalant about the whole situation, he doesn’t need to burden you with his problems.

“Can’t sleep. Nightmares,” he explains with a shrug, as your brittle smile takes him by surprise. Your next words do even more so.  

“Ah, insomnia,” you tell him you own problems with a light laugh that cracks in the end. You put a dollar and some change into the machine only to pick up a small candy bar afterwards, but it isn’t enough as your stomach growls even harder after you finish said morsole, the lack of food and general sickness you have been avoiding is finally catching up with you, as you look away from Bucky in embarrassment for a moment -- only for his stomach to return your stomach’s call.  

“Do you wanna get something to eat?” you laugh, loud and sweetly, as Bucky feels his face get hotter for a moment. He is ready to deny your invitation --he doesn’t want you to be wasting your time or money on him more than you have to-- until you add with a smile, “I’ve got a company card.”  

“Well, I can’t say no to that,” Bucky lets out with a chuckle, as he watches your face light up like a Christmas light, though he doesn’t exactly understand why. You tell him to wait and run down the hall to where your room is, as Bucky shakes his head unsure of what he got himself into but appreciating whatever had brought you to him for the night.

You run back outside with your keys and wallet, as you motion for Bucky to follow you to the white rental car that was parked not that far away from your room’s location. He can’t help but shake his head at your sudden enthusiasm, but he can’t feel like it’s warming up his bones and chasing all the voices in his head for a moment. As he gets into the car and you head down a little ways to find a diner that caught your interest earlier in the week, you are both happy to not be spending another night alone.

 Once you enter the 24-hour diner,  the two of you realized that you were both hungrier than you had originally thought, since you end up ordering a big breakfast with hash browns, Bucky does the same but with an additional side of pancakes. Though it was silent as you stuffed your faces, you started to talk about anything that comes to mind as he tells you about Steve and Sam, while you talk about work and Wanda. Once you have talked about all of them, you get down to the real business at hand -- stars.

“I graduated not that long ago and I wanted to celebrate,” Bucky explains bashfully on how he got the idea for his star journey after finally getting his Bachelor’s degree, but instead of being met with disbelief or apprehension, all he can see is pure amazement on your face, “Wanted to see what I fought so hard for.”

“That’s amazing, Bucky,” your smile dazzles him completely, as you stop to tell the waitress that you need two chocolate cakes with scoop of vanilla ice cream, much to his embarrassment.   

“What about you? What made you go to New Mexico?” he questions as he leans a bit more, his blue eyes meeting yours and waiting for an answer because since the very beginning --with you coming into Inwood Park wearing a business suit but with all the curiosity in the world in your bright eyes-- he wondered why you were so into stars.

“I think I’m trying to look for something,” you start explaining softly while having Bucky’s undivided attention, “My grandma died a while back and left me a lot of her art, all of which was stars. It wasn’t until recently I finally got to take a good look at them, I didn’t know a single constellation nor its meaning. I just feel like I need to know now, like I owe it too her, ya know?”

You give him a watery smile before wiping a stray tear from you eye, as he grasps your hand for moment, “I’m sure she would be proud of you, doll. Taking the first step is never easy.”

You give him a nod, unsure of whether your voice is going to crack or not if you try thanking him. However, the mood quickly passes as the waitress comes back with your desserts. You hum in appreciation at the sight of the chocolate cake before taking your spoon in celebration.

“To you, Bucky, for graduating and taking this journey!” you declare before taking a bite, as Bucky just shakes his head in embarrassment.  

“To you and your grandma,” he says, though not as loud as you. And you stay there for awhile, simply enjoying each other’s company.

 The drive back to the hotel is quieter as the lack of sleep and heavy food begins to hit both of you, and you’re thankful that the diner wasn’t that far since your eyelids are dropping as you park in the hotel once more. You stay there, in a hazy sort of happiness and ready to go to sleep only to feel someone opening the driver side door and picking you up. You turn your head only slightly to see Bucky with the same haze taking over his eyes, though there is a satisfied smile on his face.

“Time for bed, Sleeping Beauty,” he states and you briefly wonder if this was how Bucky usually acted with all the ladies or if it was the sleep deprivation talking, but you don’t say anything as he carries to your room and opens the door. He sets you down as softly as he can. A soft touch to your forehead before he gets up to leave, though he is apprehensive to be left alone in his room once more, especially after spending all this time with you. However, a light touch to his right hand causes him to look down once more.

“Stay,” you whimper out, as blue eyes widen for a moment at the thought that you don’t want to be alone either. He wants to say no, scared of what might happen if he falls asleep, of how he could hurt, but your hold on his hand tightens and you drag him down a bit, “ Please. ”   

The sound of your voice and the shimmer of your sleepy eyes break Bucky very easily, as he lays down as you move to the other side a bit more. Due to you holding his hand, he is facing you in the center of the bed, as he tries his hardest to keep his left arm from you, just to protect you a bit -- as best as he can. You give him one last smile while holding his hand, but leaving a gap between the two of you.

“Goodnight Bucky,” you sigh before closing your eyes and letting slumber drag you away for the first time in a week, blue eyes watch as your breathing begins to slow down and light snoring escapes your parted lips. Bucky yawns and the soft warmth next to him slowly begins to drag him to sleep as well, though he does try to fight it here and there.

“Goodnight,” he whispers out your name before setting down into a dreamless sleep.

You end up missing those morning workshops for the seminar, though you can’t help but agree that it is the best sleep you had gotten in some time, though it is a little embarrassing to have woken up to tangled limbs and a soft caress of your name on his lips -- but, you would never tell him that.

 The few remaining days you have in Arizona are spent with Bucky as much as you can. In the mornings, you go to all the workshops and network the best you can, but the afternoon and evening are spent eating, exchanging stories, or simply driving aways out to the desert and talking (and by extension taking pictures or writing down things) about all the stars he knows and you want to learn of. Though for tonight, you were simply lying down on your bed together, trading stories after ordering some hotel food.    

“I don’t know, I like Andromeda better,” you laugh from your side of the bed while staring at the star map that he usually carried around, as Bucky shakes his head, “Okay, so who do you like?”

“Cassiopeia,” he remarks as you get up a little and give him a look of disbelief  since you knew her story well enough, but before you can ask he already bets you to the explaining his reasoning, “She was beautiful and knew what she wanted, I like that in a gal.”

You laugh before pushing your elbow into his rib cage just slightly,”You’re ridiculous, Bucky.”

He laughs along with you, never saying anything of how her story reminds him more of you than Andromeda ever could.

 However, just like in New Mexico, good things have to come to end as you wrap up everything and get ready to head back to Pulliam Airport to head back home. Bucky is standing in front of your rental car a sad smile on his face, but looking better than he was a few nights back, and his own backpack placed near him as he continued his journey towards the Grand Canyon. You’re standing a bit closer than the last time you left each other, as his right hand sweeps over your knuckles for a moment. You give him a small smile, encouraging him to tell you what is on your mind before you have to go.   

“Could I have your phone number?” he asks shyly, as your smile grows at his request, “I mean if it isn’t too much to ask.”

“Of course, you can,” you state before he takes out his phone, which you had seen here and there throughout the days you spent together, and punch in your number as a new contact, “So, don’t hesitate to call me.”

“Okay,” is all he manages to say.

You take a step forward and though you hadn’t talked about the nightmares or insecurity that haunted the both of you. You knew that you needed to tell Bucky one more thing before you left tim, “Bucky, you’re more than enough. Got it?”

“I know,” he breathes out, understanding what you are trying to tell him. His hand tightens around yours just a bit as you smile and he swears than he can see the stars shining in your eyes, even though it is the middle of the afternoon, and he knows he has to say it as well, “You are too, doll.”

“Okay,” you smile, taking a step back and heading towards the front of the car, though you’re already missing him, “But don’t forget to send me some star pics on your adventures, or just call me!”

“I will!” He smiles and watches you enter the rented car and drive off, his heart lighter than before since he had entered the desert, but also aching at the loss of you, wondering if he was going to see you again but knows he had you a bit closer than before as he stares at the number on his phone  -- a new, cozier picture of you, of when the two of you had been lying about and your hair was a mess, but there was a huge smile on your face. He couldn't get rid of the smile on his face for a couple of days, as he keeps moving forward.

Hey, doll...was thinking of you when I took this.

It’s a picture of the dark sky over a mountainous backdrop, but if you looked hard enough you could see the vague outline of Cassiopeia, and maybe that’s what was he was starting to feel for you.  

Part 4

[goodluckkatie]

Arrested Development

                                                       Total Time Lapse: Too Damn LONG

Part 1

Once upon a time......

Just kidding, my stories should start out more like…

On a dark stormy night, far out in the middle of nowhere, where no one could hear my cries…..

Because lets be real.. these recaps of my dating life are more like nightmares and this one is no exception.

This guy is a little different from the others. I actually made the mistake of him not once……  but twice!

Now I started talking to this guy originally through an app called Bumble where the women have to make the first move. We talked for a couple of weeks, but I found him to always be SO moody. I could say the littlest thing and he would flip out and throw a huge fit. I could never understand his outburst and after a short time it started getting annoying to say the least.

After a few weeks of talking and me blowing him off a few times on dates (because I was clearly annoyed with his behavior) he sent me a snap late one night.

“Who in the world is hitting me up this late at night? Its almost 3AM!”

Upon opening my phone I see I have a snap from the man himself. I open it and to my surprise I am staring at a selfie of him and a woman! They have their arms draped around each other and are smiling. They appear to be sitting in the back seat of a car and each of them have a beer in their hands. At the bottom of the picture it reads, “I found me a good woman now…..Jealous? HAHAHA”

ME? At this point I had compared his behavior to my 13 year old daughter during the week of her period. So jealousy was the farthest thing from my mind! I was almost relieved that he finally would just be gone!

I sent him back a smiley face and go back to sleep, not missing a beat. 

 Now, months go by, I am talking… close to a year. I never heard back from him after that night and he hadn’t crossed my mind…not once.

But then…. All of a sudden he was popping back up in my life again.

He found my profile on POF (should have known) and decided he was brave enough to message me!

His message was simple. “Do you remember me?”

Dumbass….

I didn’t feel the need to respond. I wasn’t interested in his childish games and was completely content not speaking to him. Over the next couple of days he continued messaging me though. He was insisting how sorry he was for his behavior and pleading for me to talk to him.

I finally gave in. If anything.. maybe he would get his apology out of the way and just be gone.

After a few days of him apologizing and saying he was just in a bad place at the time I started to feel bad for him. He appeared to be genuinely sorry so against my better judgement, I decided to just forget the past.

A fresh start between us… I mean if all else failed.. I could go back to ignoring him again!

Right?

A few weeks pass, and his behavior had been tip top. No outburst, kept up conversation and no couple selfies.

We were getting somewhere.

Now after talking and catching up he informed me he had moved and taken a new job. He now lived about 45 minutes away. Not necessarily a problem for me. I have dated long distance before. He was working as a maintenance supervisor for a company in the town he currently lived in. Or at least that what I was told. He didn’t give a lot of details.

Something I now know I need to ask for!

One night as we were talking he asked me to go to dinner with him. At first I declined considering all the past issues and the fact we hadn’t been talking long again but he was persistent.  After finally agreeing, he apologized and asked if I was willing to come to his town for the date, as he was on call with work 24/7 and was unable to leave the area.

I understood his “situation” and agreed.

HUGE MISTAKE!

The weekend comes and after getting ready I start to head towards his town. At this point we had not discussed any plans on what we were doing. I didn’t find it odd necessarily because that was just the type of person he seemed to be.

Spontaneous.

I called him as soon as I arrived in town and he tells me to meet him in a parking lot not far from the highway. As I pull up and look around I see it is basically a shopping mall with a bunch of stores, a movie theater and a few places to eat. People were everywhere, and it was still day light, so I felt comfortable.

As I sit there waiting for him, I noticed this old blue Chevy truck hauling ass through the FULL parking lot. The truck is bouncing around in the bed as it is hitting bumps and swerving in and out of vehicles. 

“This guy is an idiot driving like that.”

Then I notice the guy behind the wheel starts honking. I start looking around confused because I notice this truck is heading straight towards me. I knew this because I was parked in the back of the parking lot and there were several spaces between me and the other cars. This truck was FOR SURE heading straight towards me.

For a second, I get concerned that maybe this guy is telling me to get out of the way… maybe his breaks aren’t working.

But then, like something straight out of Fast and Furious, this guy slides into the spot beside me all while honking with one hand and waving at me with the other. I’m not even sure what hand he was driving with now that I am thinking back!

Holy shit….. this was my idiot! 

So here I am again, questioning all my life choices and wondering how in the world I get in these positions every damn time!

Well... lets gets this over with...

We both exit our cars and next thing I know this 6 foot 3 inch man comes barreling at me like a bear that just found his dinner. He wraps his arms around me and picks me up in the air and spins me around.

Now you can imagine how awkward of a moment this was, he was much taller than me, his energy level was that of my 13 year old daughter who has ADHD who hadn’t taken her meds in a week and the all too obvious fact, I hardly knew him. It all happened so fast that I hadn’t even been able to move my arms, so they were hanging by my waist during this ordeal, so I looked like a limp seal.

After our weird bear and seal moment and some even more awkward introductions, he decides we are going to a little café not far from where we were to grab a bite to eat.

(Might I add, he debated the all to popular question of where to eat all on his own. And by that I mean… he had an entire conversation with himself on what sounded good, what did not sound good, places he liked and places he did not like. I never even got to provide my own input.) 

Given his possibility of multiple personalities at this point and the overall concern of his hyper-ness, I insisted we take separate cars and I followed him to the restaurant.

As we sit down at a table I find myself just watching him. I could not get over the energy this man had. Not only did he talk 90 to nothing where I could hardly get a word in, but he would not stop moving. Everything was expressed with his hands and he touched EVERYTHING! And as I looked around the café I realized I was not the only one noticing his behavior because at this point… everyone was watching him.

We order our food and I start asking some questions trying to learn more.

This is when things started going from bad to worse.

I decided to ask about his job. He hadn’t told me much and I wanted to know more. I started off asking what kind of company he did maintenance for. “Well its kind of confusing but it’s basically a rehab facility.” Now that could mean drug rehab, nursing home, PT rehab, I mean there are a few possibilities, so I continued with my questions since there was still a lot of unknown answers.

Not really confusing but okay?

“Are you on call all the time, do you ever get like weekends off that you aren’t on call.” He replies, “Well not exactly.”

Okay maybe it is confusing?

About this time the food arrives. I am still unsure as to exactly what he does for work, but I am momentarily distracted by the huge plate of fries the waitress sits in from of me. It was like a small mountain and on top of that mountain was a burger that looked delicious!

I could not wait to taste it! I was starving.

I still had lots of questions regarding his employer, but I decided to put that conversation on pause and enjoy my food.

I was about half way done with my burger when I sat it down to pick up some fries.

The next thing I know……

This man slides his hand across the table and grabs the side of my plate. I am watching him thinking to myself, what in the world is he doing? Then he slides MY PLATE over to him as I was mid bite of my fry and sits it on top of his empty plate. Confused, I am still watching him like, what just happened? The next thing I know, he picks up MY burger and begins eating it. I sit there in shock thinking to myself, “WTF I wasn’t even done with that.”

In utter and complete confusion, I say “Um what are you doing, I am not done.”

He responded with something but for the life of me I don’t know what! I could not understand him with the muffled sounds coming from his mouth as he shoved the rest of my burger down his throat.

“Well I guess I AM done then!”

I sit and watch as he finishes up my dinner. I mean what else was I supposed to do at that point?

(I know what you are probably thinking… “Why not just leave?” Well that wouldn’t really make for a good story for you guys now would it? And like we have already determined from previous stories…. I am challenged when it comes to dating.)

Despite the lingering food issues, I decide to continue my conversation about his job.

Anything at this point to take my mind off what just happened.

“Do you live close to work?” 

“Well…. Technically I live there at the rehab.”

And just when I think this shit show couldn’t go any further south….