#THIS- REPLY HAS BEEN FERMENTING IN MY DRAFTS FOR SOOO LONG OMG SMOLIE HI

[nulltune]

"I want to....Understand you more"

      ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ❝⠀ what ? ‎   ‎❞      

          she must've looked ridiculous like this,    looking so lost and taken aback by a simple string of words.    words that weren't foreign to her,    having been the one to say it aloud time and time again;    for kishinami hakuno is a girl with a bleeding heart   —   how lonesome:    it's a thing reserved solely for others,    never herself.    to be on the receiving end of such a statement felt   —-    unnatural  /  wrong.    there's an urge to simply let it wither,    to allow this topic to die down so that she could change it to what really mattered.    is he hungry ?    has he been resting properly ?    (   hakuno pays no mind to the days she went by without food,    to all the sleepless nights she's had,    the way her slumber had always been plagued by unpleasant dreams   ) .    her lips remain parted open,    but the words just won't seem to come.

      ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ perhaps she's realized it already :    how she yearns to be loved,    to be understood;    just by hearing those words,    it feels as though a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders.    a weight she never even knew was there.    how selfish these desires of her are,    how wrong it is for her to crave something so beyond her reach,    something she is so undeserving of.    brows knitting together,    she finds it hard to resist the urge to look away.      ❝⠀ there isn't   . . . ‎   ‎❞      there isn't anything.    there's nothing.    and despite a voice laced with slow uncertainty,    her words are firm and resolute.      ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ❝⠀ there isn't much to say about myself   .. ‎   ‎❞      what is there to understand ?    she's nothing.    hobbies,    interests,    a favorite color,    little quirks and habits   ——    were he to ask her of any of that,    her mind would come to blank.    she wouldn't know how or what to answer,    but here is someone who wants to know more about her,    someone who wants to understand her.      ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ❝⠀ i   . . .    i'm sorry.    i'm   —- ‎   ‎❞      empty inside,    is an almost instinctive response that comes to mind,    hakuno's hands clench and unclench.

          always so concerned over the well - being of others.    are they warm enough,    she wonders,    all while ignoring  /  refusing to acknowledge how her own person trembles and shudders.    cold,    smothered in a unique sort of isolation;    is it one that came from knowing that you are in a world you do not belong ?    knowing that you are an insignificant,    useless thing ?

‎ ‎ ‎      ‎ ‎ she's used to it though.    she's used to it.    and maybe that's why,    when faced with a pure and heartfelt sentiment like this   .. ‎ ‎ ‎it feels wrong.      ❝⠀ there isn't anything ‎ ‎. ‎. ‎.   ‎❞      she doesn't know what to make of it. ‎ ‎ ‎no reason to say anything about herself, ‎ ‎ ‎ no reason to focus on such a thing as herself ‎ ‎/ ‎ ‎ no way to understand such a lonely being like herself. ‎ ‎ ‎

          ❝ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎..   sorry,    xiao.    i'm awfully boring,    huh ? ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎❞     

unprompted,    always accepting !    @jiejigui