#Taz:ba

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TAZ:BA thoughts

The mind-wipe changed Taako the worst because he forgot Lup.

During the stolen century, they were always the closest of the crew, and Lucretia can remember the exact moment that the twins accepted her because that was the year that Taako started stealing her clothes and mangling her name on purpose.

The few times that Taako died in those years, it was after that. Hand in hand with Lup, and making sure the ship got away because he knew he’d just pop back to that reset point.

He was always at his bravest when he had Lup’s hand to hold.

He was the last one Lucretia dropped off after the mind wipe. The one she was most concerned about. He was the one she watched carefully after setting him up with everything he needed for the travelling show. Watched him prepare a meal for a dozen people that she would never taste.

She’d wait a decade or more to taste those elderflower macaroons he made as a dessert.

Lucretia had thought he would be all right. She hadn’t counted on the drastic changes she’d made having a long-lasting impact.

Now there was no longer the twin with the reckless philosophy against her enemies, Taako was aloof and craven. His kleptomaniac side, always the chief source of his asshole moments, came to the fore. Because the only person Taako could rely on was Taako.

After the wipe, he NEVER used anyone’s name. He’d mangle their name if he trusted them enough (but there was no real trust there. Taako without Lup at his side never had anyone he could trust), but otherwise, it’s a constant stream of synonyms for ally or lover that mean nothing when they come spilling out of his lips.

So when Lucretia sees him again after a decade, there’s a heart-wrenching change from the Taako she knew. She lost track of him after the forty deaths at Glamour Springs. Nobody could find him after that. Authorities wanted to talk to him, but he just couldn’t be found. He never stayed in the same place for more than a day. Sometimes more than an hour. Sightings were brief and contradictory. He went off the grid so hard that he might as well have cast Blink and maintained it for four terrifying years. And yet, there he was.

The twins had had a hard youth and it left its mark. They’re short, for elves, and during the stolen century, it didn’t much matter. But here and now, Taako perpetually wears four-inch heels and a two-foot hat. But instead of the slight ‘puppy fat’ that marked the twins’ love of food and quality merchandise (they never had nice things when they were on the run), he’s now gaunt. Four years of thin rations and staying out of notice have stripped every ounce of fat off of him and the results horrify Lucretia.

But not more than the drastic change in his personality. When he enters her chambers, he’s the last through the door. His personal bubble is wider than anyone else’s and she can almost see it. His eyes are cold. HE is cold. Aloof and deliberately distant. His humour is cruel and tainted with acid.

Her fault. She removed Lup from his memories. And now there’s walls around his heart that would take supreme effort to get through.

And he steals a paperweight off her desk, right under her nose. Not for its monetary value, because it’s just an interesting rock she found one day (on a world none of the THB remember any more), but because stealing has become an essential survival habit. A reflex action. Of course she notices in a cold second and makes him put it back.

And when he says the words, “simple idiot wizard” it breaks her heart. Something happened to him, very likely in Glamour Springs, that took away all the faith he had in himself.

When she took Lup from his memories, she replaced him with a changeling. Taako isn’t Taako any more. And the only thing that broke him worse was when he remembered, and he didn’t have one atom of himself to care with.

All that self-sabotage. All that self-depreciation. Even the literal flirting with Death. It all made sense because Lup wasn’t there.

[cmweller]

Challenge #01754-D293: Caught!

"I can explain! I swear!"

"Let's hear it."

"Aw hell. Just skip to the beating." -- Anon Guest

It was one of those situations. Stealth mission. Retrieve the Macguffin of Wherever, and do so in such a way that there are minimum fireworks, thank you, Taako. Taako automatically gave Madam Director his usual forged picture of innocence and Who Sweet Little Me routine.

She wasn't fooled for an instant. Neither was the boy. Angus McDonald, world's greatest boy detective.

And now, several failed dexterity throws later, it was a Scene. They had collectively set off every trap in the mansion. Most of which involved splashes of technicolour potions against the wall. Twenty dogs were trailing after Taako like loving little ducklings and they all wanted to lick him in the face. Several noisy and expensive things had shattered on the ground, and they had knocked down the library shelves like dominos. And, unfortunately, into a fireplace, so now the entire mansion was on fire.

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Taako haircannon

Elf twins are just a little bit more magical than regular Elves. Most often, this comes out in the form of a physical trait. In the case of Lup and Taako, it’s their hair.

Lup has a little more control over it than Taako does, but when they’re not paying attention, their hair can tell you how stressed they are.

Relaxed and at ease, the twins have long, loose, flowing locks straight out of a shampoo commercial. The more agitated they are, the curlier it gets.

During the years of the mind-wipe, Taako’s hair sort of defaults to a wooly wave unless he’s very happy, but it has visibly tightened into ringlets and gone beyond that and into ‘fro’ territory during a few adventures.

And on at least one date with Kravitz, there was definitely a Farrah Fawcett vibe going on.

Taako remains aware of this ‘tell’ and tries to hide it with braids and the odd fancy hairstyle. Of course he tells Magnus and Merle nothing and lets them assume whatever they like.

And he never asks why the Director keeps staring at his hair after adventures and biting her lip.

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Completely random TAZ:BA thought

Pre the IPRE launch, Lucretia didn���t know that Lup and Taako were twins for like five months. They worked in different labs on the Light and whatnot. Lup was using more incendiary shit and Taako was working on transmutation. Lucretia was getting reports with nearly identical scribbled signatures [the twins have fucking sloppy sigs].

And then one day she asks either of the twins how they can get such a fuckload of work done and they’re like...

“What?”

“You do literally twice the work of anyone else on the team. How can you study two different disciplines at once?”

And after that twin is done laughing their arse off, they get Lucretia to sit perfectly still in one spot like, “Trust me, this is going to be fucking GOLD.” And then they piss-bolt straight to their sib and are all, “Come on ya gotta come with me right now, you will fucking SCREAM.”

And then they both arrive and Lucretia’s staring at nearly fucking identical elves like, “What. The. Shit.” And the twins are laughing so hard they’re crying and DROOLING and nearly collapsing in a heap.

The rest of the crew doesn’t let her forget that for like twenty worlds, either.

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@karfuckingstrider - thanks for the shiny idea :D

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New TAZ headcannon!

I just listened to episode three of Commitment so... spoiler protection:

The Starblaster will fucking turn up in this universe, and five seconds after Taako is introduced to Richard, the King of the USA, he starts maliciously renaming him Dick.

Like, “Normally, I like a good Dick, but you’re the exception to the rule.”

Or, “Tell you what, Dick...”

And all of Our Heroes have to recapture the Light and Save The World. Or at least, most of it. Richard is an absolute dick and becomes the foil for this particular goal because he wants the power.

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And then there’s this AU where Taako becomes a super-protective mum to Ango...

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Completely Random TAZ:BA Thought #3

Taako listens patiently to Angus reading him the Caleb Cleveland series, because he’s usually cooking and doesn’t have time to read. He’s heard every book all the way through except one.

It’s called Caleb Cleveland and the Sinister Chef. And it’s based, very loosely, on the tragic event in Glamour Springs.

On the first reading, Angus got as far as the bodies in the fairgrounds before Taako had a full-on panic attack and actually drops and ruins the dish he’d been working on.

Angus realises why in seconds, and puts the book away. Hides it from Taako so that he should never find it. That book used to be his favourite because it was based on a real live unsolved murder. He never thought he’d be reading it to the chief suspect who still, despite everything, felt guilty about it all.

It’s years before Taako asks, “Did Caleb catch the chef? In your book?”

Angus lies for the first time in his life. “No. He deduces that someone else used the chef as a pawn in a complicated land grab ploy. And that’s the guy that Caleb gets, sir.”

His ruse isn’t discovered for centuries.

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My fingers slipped

And I actually wrote and finished an entire Ango/Taako found family fic.

Boom.

Share and Enjoy.

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Hurt/comfort sickfic with Taako as the centre. Where he believes he rightfully belongs.

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I burp, a short fic comes out :D ;)

Another found family thing. Ango has more parents than he believes.

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Hey fanartists

Consider this:

Baby Taako and Lup, or Lup and Taako since we all fucking KNOW she’s the alpha twin. Runaways and exiles, etc.

BUT

With matching

Shirley firkin Temple

god

damned

RINGLETS

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Yet another TAZ:BA shitpost

I’m all into Taako being touch starved but like...

Consider:

Taako finds out one of the facilities on the lunar base for BoB is a spa/massage parlour. Because finding relics is a tough job and the agents need to relax and recuperate. Some masseuses specialise in therapies for sports-like injuries etc.

And ever after that, the first thing Taako does after the formalities are observed, is just... go there. Gets himself pampered. Steam bath. Deep tissue massage. Mani-pedi. The fucking _works_. Everything that could plausibly involve warmth and another person touching him for whatever reason.

And he never tells anyone else why he’s into all of that. It’s just part and parcel of being a fancy elf.

And Lucretia never tells him that she arranged to get it installed the instant she realised how fucking lonely he was [like five seconds after he walked into her office FFS] because she knows she ruined him and will literally do anything to try and make it up to him. Giving Taako a chance to enjoy himself won’t even partially pay it back, but seeing him smiling after a spa day is totally worth the world.

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Hope y’all are ready for some grimdark Stolen Century fic.

Taako suffers watching Lup die for the first time. He doesn’t take it well.

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My fingers slipped again :D

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All ten of my fingers slipped again.

This time, it’s Taako’s process of making the Candlenights’ Elderflower Macaroons.