#Tbhc

[tedioepica]

'i dont think not quite although like its just the i think it still to me its like a collec- it's it's more there's like a its a c- tsch wha- eleven.. eleven tracks in there eleven ehhh y-you know.. short stories'

[applysome]

Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino - 11th May 2018

Happy 7th Birthday to this masterpiece ✨

[gh4uls]

this is hardcore ✧ mark x fem. reader

★ mature content. unprotected p in v, fingering, you’re getting eaten out, don’t know how else i can put it. office sex. age gap but never mentioned. you’re a secretary. i recommend listening to ‘this is hardcore’ by pulp while reading. this is NOT proof read

i’m never writing a smut ever again.

alex ‘mark’ turner x fem. reader

She has been working at the Tranquility Base Hotel (and Casino) for nearly two years now. Her job wasn’t exactly thrilling, bringing coffee to your boss every morning was not exactly phenomenal, but how could she complain?

As well as waking up earlier than she should, just to buy him a coffee, she also recorded everything in every meeting, in her little black notebook, what things were said, and if they were important, she’d highlight them, or she’ll end up drawing a little star beside it if she had lost her highlighter. again. Though, her boss would’ve just bought her more, and if she refused, she’ll never hear the end of it. She’d end up in the filing room for hours if he asked, if he needed numbers on something specific, or just needed another double-check on something, she’d do it.

The job took up her life, but sometimes she didn’t mind. Even when he’d ask her to stay after work, she never refused. He was a different man when it was just the two alone.

Mark was a strict man, ethical, and straight-forward. He didn’t give a fuck if he behaved like a complete asshole. If you were shit at your job, you’re fired, end of story. She’d overhear the other workers bad-mouth him, calling him a tyrant, but she said nothing, because she knew how he truly was—how he was when he was around her. If he thought she stayed too long after work, he’d send her home in a cab that was on his tab. He refused to let her pay for anything. He was a good man, but his ego was too big to ever let it show around anyone that wasn’t her. He thought he’d look weak, and he definitely did not want the people that worked below him to think he was.

He usually works long hours, even when the office emptied, he’d still be rooted to the chair by the next morning; when he did get up, he’d usually leave the office for an hour or two, to check on the hotel.

It was Friday night when she was still in the office during after hours, sitting on his floor, correcting every mistake she could possibly find. He sat by his desk, his legs spread as his fingers twirled his pen, staring at the bright screen of his computer.

She eventually looked up at him, and she clears her throat, which makes him turn his head almost immediately. They had slept together nearly a week ago. He invited her over to his apartment, and one thing led to another, and now things were tense, and she didn’t like that.

“Do you have a problem with me?” She questions, her lips curving into a small frown. He tilts his head to the side, before placing the pen down onto his desk. When he doesn’t speak, she continues. “You barely uttered a word to me the past week.”

He sighs, before he rubs his face, and he stands up, which makes her instinctively stand up as well. “Just had a rough week, darlin’. It’s not you.” He hums as he gently wrapped his fingers around her wrist, twirling her slightly before pushing her against the edge of his desk, “I could never have a problem with you.” He murmurs, his fingers brushing back strand a of hair behind her ear. She could smell the alcohol on his breath, and she sighs. “Mark—“

“Shh, shh..” He sighs, before he leans in, pressing his lips against her jaw, “Do you know how hard it’s been, not being able to touch you like this?” He utters against her skin, his breath hot as he trails down to the first button of her blouse. “I can’t think of anything else but you.”

His fingers trailed up to her blouse, unbuttoning the white shirt achingly slow. She lets out a hitched breath, her eyes fluttering at the feel of his lips on her skin. “Tell me to stop.” He mutters as he eventually unbuttons her blouse, sliding it off her shoulders, which makes her shudder.

She wanted to, but at the same time, she couldn’t. She felt the same way. When she didn’t speak a word, he presses his lips against her collarbone, til it traced down her sternum. “You’re so gorgeous.” He breathes out. Her fingers gripped the desk tightly, and she gulps. His hand moved up to palm her bra, and his lips moved to the top of her breast, kissing and mouthing her sweet skin.

“I want to make you feel good.” He whispers, “Can I?” He looks up at her, and she quickly nods, and it didn’t take him even a second until he was on his knees. His fingers meticulously unzip the sides of her pencil skirt, letting it fall to the floor. He presses soft kisses against her hip, his finger hooking into the waistband of her black, lace panties, pulling it down slightly as he continued to kiss down her leg, and her fingers move into his hair, her grip tight.

His fingers fidget with her panties, and a whimper escapes her, and he smiles, looking up at her. “Never sought you to be such a needy little girl, sweetheart.” He hums, before he eventually slides them down, “Come on, be a good girl and sit down on the chair.” He nods, before he eventually stands up, watching her as she carefully moved to sit down, and he smiles. “Atta’ girl..” He whispers, before kneeling back down, noticing how wet she was, already dripping onto the leather seat. “I haven’t even touched you yet.” He chuckles, his hands moving up to her thighs, pulling them up until they were resting on her shoulders.

His hands find their way to the sides of her stomach, and his head dips down without warning, his nose grazing against her swollen clit, and her thighs squeeze around his head, rolling her head back. “I got you, baby.” He murmurs, before he presses her mouth against her pulsing folds, and she lets out a moan, her grip tightening in his hair. He sucks her labia, his fingers moving to cup her breast underneath her bra, as his tongue twirls around it. His tongue works side to side, before it delves between her folds, and her moans grow louder, her body writhing underneath his mouth. Everytime her thighs clench around his head, her fingers tightening in his hair, or the moan of his name, it strives him to continue.

“Mark, I’m going to cum..” She gasps out.

He continues his semi-aggressive movements, until he pulls away, switching to his fingers as one digit delves between her folds, and she cries out, his thumb moving in circular motions around her clit, and that warm feeling starts to pool in her stomach, and she knew she was getting close.

His finger pumps deep inside of her, curling into that sweet spot of hers, and suddenly she was a goner. She lets out a soft cry as her body shakes as she cums, and his finger slows its thrusts, guiding her through her orgasm, before he eventually pulls out. He licks his fingers clean, before leaning over her as he presses his lips against hers, swallowing her small whimpers. “You want more, don’t you?” He whispers, and she whimpers in response, nodding, before he deepens the kiss, his fingers moving to unbuckle his belt, slipping it off and letting it fall to the floor, already forgotten as he unzips his pants, pulling his pants down. His aching cock was soaking with pre-cum, already staining his boxers, and he pulls her up, guiding her towards the desk, pushing her down until her stomach pressed against his cold desk. “You’re so beautiful.” He whispers, “Especially like this.” He hums, before he slips off his boxers, his girthy, veiny, hardened length springing out. He pumps his dick, letting the pre-cum leak out, and he gently presses the tip against her pulsing hole, “I’ll take it easy on you..” He murmurs, and she can only shake her head, “Mark, please..”

He couldn’t even keep in his lust and desire as he plunges deep inside her, his fingers holding onto her hips, his words long forgotten. He pulls out, teasing her with his tip, before he sinks in again, his thrusts were slow, but eventually sped up. Her moans grew louder as relentlessly assaulted her insides, he could feel her clenching around him and he groans, his thrusts growing deeper. He could feel her molding around him, as if she was made for him, and him only. “Look at you, baby..” He groans, “So tight.. made for me, aren’t you..?” He murmurs, until his fingers moved towards her clit, rubbing circles with her thumb, and her eyes water, the overwhelming sensation hitting her all at once, and she could feel herself chasing her second orgasm. “You’re.. taking.. me.. so.. well..” He pants. “Going to fill you up, sweetheart..”

“If you’ll let me..” And she moans in response, “Yes!” She cried out eagerly.

He eventually hits that sweet spot of hers as he shifts his body, and soon enough, she was coming apart, yet he continued his deep thrusts, bruising her insides as he soon eventually came after her, groaning as he fills her up; her thrusts going sluggish as he continued, trying to keep all of it to stay in.

The room is eventually silent, except for their heavy pants, and he eventually pulls out, his length softening.

“Are you okay?” He breathes out as he cups her cheek, making her look at him, and she nods, “I’m okay.” She smiles tiredly, and his lips curve into a small smile in return.

“I’ll take you home this time.”

[bacusdraculacape]

[flothunderstorms]

WHY’D YOU ONLY CALL ME WHEN YOU’RE HIGH?

𝑫𝒊𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝒎𝒆?

PART 2. 𝙎𝙀𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙎 𝙈𝘼𝙎𝙏𝙀𝙍𝙇𝙄𝙎𝙏. 𝐌𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓.

Warning: Mature Content.

Word Count: 8.6k

Sheffield, United Kingdom.

I cannot sleep.

It is too hot when I lay under these thick comforters the hotel has provided, but if I lay on top of it and without any blanket on, it has become too cold now.

What is happening with my body temperature?

I groan in dissatisfaction and put half of my body under the blanket whilst my other half is outside, letting the cool breeze of the air-conditioning hit my skin. I groan once more when I can feel my sleepiness slowly fading away, leaving me fully recharged, waking up at every ticking second of the clock.

I need to be up in the morning, that is why I purposely had an early night as I have a flight to catch, not wake up at this hour, when the sun has not even risen yet.

I whine to myself as I twist on this hotel bed I am currently sleeping on, finding the best position my body is craving, and try to fall back to sleep. Maybe if I count sheep in my head it could work?

But the universe has other plans for me as my mobile phone from the nightstand starts to ring loudly, filling the room with the shrilling sound of my ringtone which I barely hear nowadays…

I barely hear, because I do not have people to talk to…

That thought made me sit up on my bed and reach blindly for my phone, wincing as I fully opened my eyes. Someone is calling me in the middle of the night and it could be an emergency. That thought further made my heart race, as I panic to get a hold of that pesky little cellular device that is continuously ringing, that being still half-asleep, I did not realise I have made the end of my bed, and my last turn got me tumbling down of the carpeted floor of this hotel room.

“For God’s sake!” I cry out, rubbing the sore spot on my hips that took the fall, still lying helplessly on the floor. I exhaled a sigh, standing up and angrily snatching my phone that suddenly stopped ringing as soon as I retrieved it, and cursing to myself and to no one particularly in my room.

Really?

The bright screen of my phone startled my tired eyes, making me rub off the sleepiness residue that has formed on my lashes. My phone has informed me that now it is 3 in the morning and that I have multiple missed calls from one number not programmed in my contacts.

5 missed calls from the same number.

0114.

These 4 numbers representing the area code of the caller made me scratch my head in confusion and scramble my brain as to where I have seen these glaringly familiar 4 numbers as a city’s area dial code. I squint my eyes in confusion and try to recall anyone who would call me multiple times at this hour. My family and friends are well informed of my whereabouts and they would usually not call me, unless there’s an emergency…

Oh, God. What if someone has been kidnapped? Or in an accident? Or has committed a crime?

My thumb was about to press the ‘call back’ button when the same number had called once again. I immediately accepted the call, bringing the speaker to my ear, and biting my nail at the same time.

“Hello?” I choked out, my heart beating out of my chest as my mind raced hundred miles per second thinking of every worst scenario that could have happened.

“Oh, hello there! Sorry, did we wake you up?” A deep voice from the other line answers. My confusion doubles and my heart races faster when the person says my name, confirming my identity.

“Uh yes, sorry, do I know you?” I shakily reply.

This has certainly never happened to me before.

“Oh yeah sorry! God, where's my manners? I’m Matt. Matt Helders? From the Arctic Monkeys?”

If I was half-asleep before the call, now all the sleepiness has been flushed away from my system as I became hyper awake, if that is even a word, like someone just poured a bucket of ice cold water over my head. The confusion is still there, because why is Matt Helders calling me? How does he know who I am? How did he even get my number?

I must have been too silent for so long that the person from the other line decides to break the silence once more.

“I’m Alex’s friend?” Matt Helders, from the Arctic Monkeys, says unsurely.

“Hi sorry, yes! Of course I know you. What’s up?” I replied. I face palmed myself and closed my eyes as I cringe at my response.

Really, what’s up? What are you two, long time pals?

“I hate to have called multiple times, but are you by any chance in Sheffield? Or near Sheffield?”

I nodded my head at his question, then remembered I’m on a call and he cannot visibly see me. “Yeah! I’m actually in Sheffield.”

Hopefully he does not ask why I am here, because the answer is just utterly pathetic and embarrassing.

“Good! Oh well that sounds wrong sorry, well it’s just it’s Alex you know,” Matt sighs through the phone, making my starting to calm heart rapidly beat out of my chest once more.

“Alex? What happened to him?” I whisper anxiously, anticipating once again the worst of the worst.

“He’s been calling your name.”

That felt like a stab in the chest. Hearing his name is one thing, but saying his name out loud after that night, just hits different.

We have not seen each other ever since that night in Munich where I just hastily left, and it has been a month. A whole month of me avoiding his calls. A whole month of going to different cities where they are playing yet never attending any of his shows. A whole month of never even saying his name out loud as I feel like a complete idiot for literally ghosting him and how do I even reconnect? Do I even want to? How do I even when he was the one who told me something from the very start that lead me to this situation where I am missing someone I never had yet with just one call of his name my heart is automatically constricting on its own, hurting me to remind me of the distance and days we have been apart together when all I could do is call him up and owe up how I am such an idiot.

“Well Matt, I don’t know how I can help. Are you sure it’s me?” I say, still in denial. I thought after a month, he would have moved on by now and find someone else as he could easily replace me if he wants to.

“I have memorised your name, the syllables, all its letters, and how it can be pronounced as Alex here have been saying, yelling, whispering, and demanding your name for over 2 hours now,” Matt says in amusement.

“I just want to ask if you can come here at the pub and try to convince him to finally go back to his hotel room,” Matt adds. My eyes started to widen at the revelation.

He has been reaching out for me.

My heart speaks and moves on its own as I am hurriedly agreeing. “Yes, I’ll be there. Please send me the address.”

I booked a taxi as fast as I could the moment Matt sent me the name of the pub they are in. It says on the screen how it will be here in 15 minutes, giving me time to at least make myself presentable. I quickly changed my clothes while brushing my teeth and being careful not to spill any toothpaste on my garments. I splash some water on my face, before hurriedly drying it off to apply some make up. I run around the room like a maniac, searching for my trusty bag, and put my wallet, phone, power bank, and some chewing gum inside of it as I finish applying some lipstick on.

After applying some perfume on, I stumble my way out of my hotel room and rapidly press the elevator button that would lead me down. Before I know it, I am sitting anxiously at the back of a taxi, on the way to the pub to see the man I have been avoiding in the past few weeks.

What am I doing?

I try to preoccupy my mind with anything else other than the thought of him. Otherwise, I’d have a panic attack and ask my taxi driver to drive me back to my hotel. As I clutch my black bag, I play with the horse keychain it has on. Alex gifted this cute little horse to me when he won in a game after trying a couple of times, when we visited a carnival in Amsterdam. I smile faintly at the memory, a blush creeping on my cheek when I remember the quickie we had on the Ferris Wheel.

There is no moon to shine down on the street and it was only the lamp posts that guided the streets of Sheffield into visibility. My heart starts to race as we are near our destination, the nerves settling on my veins heavily. I try to wipe my clammy hands on my trousers, clearing the lump on my throat.

I glance outside the window and see the figure of the person who just called me at 3 in the morning, and the taxi just rightly stopped in front of him. I scramble to get the bills in my pocket and hand it to the driver, wishing him a good night and safe trip as I step outside his vehicle.

“Hi,” I start the conversation upon reaching my favourite drummer of my favourite band. I still cannot believe this is happening.

“Hello! Thank you for coming down here, and I’m so sorry for bothering you it’s just we all just want to go home and Al’s just a stubborn drunk that won’t leave and God I’m so exhausted,” Matt immediately explains as if he is a student who broke a something and I am his teacher and he is trying to explain in hopes I will not get angry in turn.

“Don’t worry about it,” I smile reassuringly, making him feel that it is really no big deal.

“I’m so sorry as well that we haven’t properly met nor have been properly introduced by Al, he’s an idiot,” Matt jokes, and I laugh at his humour. “I’m Matt. Nice to properly meet you.”

I shake his hand that he has offered to me, re-introducing myself to him.

“Ready?” He asks which even if I am not, I am already here. I have no other choice than to enter this pub and help his friend for all of them to be able to go home.

The smell of alcohol immediately greets my senses upon entering the establishment. Warm lights hit my face as I follow Matt to where they are situated. I try to move past the sweaty bodies of already drunk people who should not even be having more drinks. I look up at the ceiling and see my reflection, to which the mirror’s image tells me it is home time, but I am not finished as Alex is not yet on my side.

We pass more tables and more sweaty people either on the dance floor or standing on the bar counter shouting their drinks at the bartender, until it feels like people have decreased in number slowly as we walk further away from the crowd.

Picture frames line on the wall decoratively, wooden tables and stools are now empty of human presence, and all that is left are the unfinished pint of beer and empty shot glasses on its wake.

I finally spot their place, some of their crew members dozing off on one corner. The other members of the band are standing next to one another, one of them rubbing their eyes must be trying to stay awake. They spot Matt and next my figure, both the guitarist and bassist of the band exhaling loudly in relief. A sheepish grin forms in their face before their hands raise to give me a wave.

I smile in acknowledgment and wave back at Jamie and Nick. This is what our interaction usually goes as we have never been properly introduced to one another. Alex’s arm wrapped around my shoulder as he guided me hastily to his dressing room, passing his band mates who I would usually avoid eye contact with shyly, but we would nod at each other as a silent greeting to one another.

Now that 3 members of the Arctic Monkeys are within my sight, I look around to find the final member, and the main reason why my presence is needed. My eyes scanned the area, squinting at the harsh warm lights, and finally my eyes landed on a lone figure on the floor.

And there you are.

Sitting on the wooden floor of the bar, hiding under the table. Legs gathered in front of your chest, arms hugging it securely as you rested your cheeks on top of your knees. Long strands of hair covering your face gently, eyes are shut closed to the chaos of the world that is unfolding around you. Unbeknownst to me, you are hugging the leg of the wooden table in between your legs, so tight as if never wanting it to let go.

I turn to look at the rest of the band once again to search for answers as to why Alex is under a table and hugging the wooden leg of it, but I am met with a couple of shrugs and the same look of confusion as mine etched on my features. I wait for a couple of beats to observe any signs if he is awake, but he remains perfectly still, unmoving.

“I don’t think I’m needed here anymore. He’s asleep,” I whisper, eyes widening and giving the slouched figure a pointed look.

“Oh he’s not, he’s just resting until he finally has the energy to call out your name again,” Jamie says in amusement.

We all stood there, just watching Alex’s figure like hawks, waiting for any signs of him being awake. We all shared looks to one another, and for a couple of minutes, we came to a silent agreement that this man had really fallen asleep.

“Okay maybe he has finally—“

It was a faint noise, a sound that contrasts the slightly chaotic atmosphere of this pub. Nonetheless, it was heard by everyone who was watching the lone figure slumped on the ground.

“Hello You.”

Alex keeps saying those two words like a prayer, in between those two words is my name slipping from his lips.

Everyone stopped moving, and slowly, like clockwork, turned their body to face me. They all looked at me, begging to do something.

I usually have a book for every situation, but this, what do I even do?

I bite my lip as I rack my brain on what my next move would be. I do not even know if he wants to see me that is why he is calling out for me or what if he hates me and he is cursing my name out loud for people to hear? Do I just say ‘hi’ casually as if we have not stopped seeing each other for a month?

I decided to shut down those thoughts and let my body move on its own naturally and have my instincts guide it. I crouched down, kneeling in front of Alex. He still has his eyes closed, completely unaware of a presence right in front of him. I sit back and use my legs to sit on, my clammy hands resting on my thighs.

“Hello you,” I whisper, loud enough to make my voice heard, but not at the level that would startle him.

The next sequence of events completely backfired my intention on keeping my voice down so as not to startle him. Alex must have not have expected that the person he keeps calling out their name would appear right in front of him. I watch helplessly as his head moves fast upward to look at me, his forehead hitting the wooden table with a loud bang, and going back down to his knees to cover his face just as fast as he lifted his head up.

Snickers and failed suppressed laughters echo through the air, and I am too completely frozen to even have an expression. Concern and guilt starts to flow inside of me, reaching out to touch his head, the spot that took a hit and starts to rub it soothingly, hoping to ease the pain it must have been produced on his body.

I bite my lip to stop myself from laughing when Alex groans like a child helplessly in between his legs. He starts to slowly lift his head up again, cautiously this time. He stares right back at me, eyes slowly widening as he blinks multiple times.

“You are here,” he says with a crack in his voice. I smiled widely at him, nodding my head as a confirmation that I am indeed here.

Seems like I am in surprise for the night as the next thing that happened completely takes me out of my breath literally when Alex lunges forward to wrap his arms on my figure for an embrace, almost tackling me to the ground with his strength that I squealed and grabbed his black shirt for support. I closed my eyes and brought my face to his neck, holding on to him for dear life as I almost fell backwards, but he caught himself and steadied us, sitting on our legs instead of hitting the wooden floor.

“Alex!” I say with a laugh, bringing my face now in his level to get a good look at him. I raise my hands to take a hold of his cheeks, bringing it forward as I examine his features.

I am met with Alex’s eyes and his infectious smile. It is the same warm brown eyes that stirs the heat inside the confines of my heart. The same damn soft pink lips that could kiss you and ease all your problems away or make you feel what heaven could be like. He has grown quite a beard and it feels ticklish against my palms, and it is my first time seeing it as long as this is, the same with his hair that reaches his shoulder. There are dark bags of circles around his eyes, indicating a new level of exhaustion that could also be gleaned with how pale his face was. I look back to his eyes and frown when I notice the redness on it and how his pupils are dilated.

“Are you high, Al?”

Alex just looks at me and blinks as a response. He finally scrunched his nose before shaking his head, still being held by my palms.

“No, darling. There’s just weed in the air. You know I’m past all that,” he explains and I nod. It is honestly not my business what he does, but I would be more concerned if ever he is under anything else other than alcohol.

“You okay?”

With that, he once again groans when he remembers how he had hit his head a few minutes ago hard on the wooden table, even effectively knocking it off a couple of inches from the impact. I could not hold my laugh any further and let it out of my mouth, to which Alex exaggeratedly pouts his lips and glares at me.

“It’s not funny! It hurts!” He cries out. I continue to chuckle while rubbing the sore spot on top of his head.

“What are you doing under a table, Al?”

“I don’t know,” he pouts and it tugs at my heart strings the way his lower lip juts out cutely. “Did you miss me?”

Now my heart aches fully for this man. I can feel all the guilt I have been repressing comes in full force for avoiding his calls and messages and completely ghosting him without a reason nor an explanation.

Maybe I could redeem myself tonight?

“I did. A lot,” I answered truthfully, tucking a hair strand behind his ear. He swallows before opening his mouth again to a plea.

“Can you not leave me again, please? Or if you will, can you let me know so I can prepare myself? I’m hoping you won’t leave again, I don’t think I can manage a day without being able to talk to you.”

Oh, that guilt just tripled. He is looking at me all hopeful and all innocent, unaware of the emotional turbulence within me.

I wish I could, but isn’t this what you wanted?

I shake away my thoughts and proceed to give Alex a peck on his cheekbones instead. Maybe the silence as an answer could be enough tonight and this conversation can be done tomorrow day.

Or never.

“You ready to go home, yeah?” I say, rubbing his cheeks with my thumb. He once again closes his eyes and leans on my touch, like a cat when someone is petting them adoringly.

“Will you come home with me?”

“Of course.”

I can hear another round of sighs of relief coming from the people who are clearly eavesdropping our conversation. I remove my hands on Alex’s face, but he reaches for my hand, interlocking it together. I stand up and he follows, thanking my lucky stars that he is not putting up a fight with me like he did with his friends about not wanting to leave the pub.

Alex swings an arm on my shoulder, my arm snaking on his waist in turn to support his weight. His legs are wobbly, and with each step he is making, I can feel his weight more and more on me to carry. Thankfully, his bandmates are ready to help me without me even asking.

“There we go, Al,” Matt says, helping me carry Alex by pulling him on his side, but Alex still stubbornly won’t remove his arm on my shoulder. We finally make our way out of the pub where there is a black tinted van waiting for everyone.

“You go in first,” Alex speaks out when me and Matt are making him enter the vehicle.

“Alex, you get in first,” I counter.

“Nope. You first,” he refuses to move, standing on his ground. I shoot Matt an incredulous look and Matt just rolls his eyes while snorting back a laugh.

“Alexander, this is not the time to be all gentleman. You’re the intoxicated one here, now get your arse in the car,” I hiss, pushing him forward.

Alex stumbles in the car and has no chance to argue further. I turn to Matt who cannot keep his laugh now, silently throwing his head back as he chuckles about his drunk friend. His other mates shaking their heads at the event, a smile cannot be wiped on their faces. Matt extended his arm for me to go inside first to which I accepted, settling myself beside the drunk rockstar.

“This won’t do,” the drunk rockstar complains as soon as the last person enters the vehicle. I turned to look at him in confusion, opening my mouth to ask what he meant by that, when he took me by surprise once again for the night. It was his turn to snake an arm on my waist, lifting me off completely from my seat which earned a squeal from me, and settling my figure seated in between his thighs.

“Alex!” I whisper pointedly, squirming in between his legs. He soon wraps his arms to lock me in an embrace, making my back pressed steadily in his chest. His chin resting on my left shoulder, his beard tickling my cheeks in the process.

“Hmm, better. You’re so warm, darling. So soft for me,” he lowly says, burying his face on my neck. I shivered at his action, the familiar warmth pooling automatically on my stomach.

“We’re still with your friends, Al,” I warn him when I feel his arm start to rest on top of my thighs, slowly dipping to part my legs lightly. I can feel him smiling on my shoulder, rubbing his nose endearingly. He hums as a reply and places both his hands now on my stomach.

I hope he cannot feel the way my stomach is doing flips and how my heart is beating out of my chest.

I thought he had finally behaved himself, but I was proven wrong when I felt his innocent pecks at the base of my neck turn into open mouthed kisses. I gasped when I felt his tongue darting out to lick my collarbone, the familiar wetness starting to form in my lower region. I try not to move and grind back on his front when he bites down on my sweet spot, opening my mouth for a silent whimper, and I have to remind myself where we currently are and not in the confines of a private room.

I slap his knee quite hard, that earned a whimper from Alex from the unexpected pain before a groan follows as soon as he detaches his mouth on my throat.

“That hurts!” Alex complains like a child, earning chuckles from everyone.

“Behave yourself!” I reprimanded him. I feel his head nod, settling back to rest on my shoulder. Seconds later, he is back to kissing my neck softly and innocently, making me sigh at his antics.

This will be a long ride.

Soon enough, we reached the hotel where they must be probably staying. It is from the other side of the town from where I have checked in myself. The van door’s opened. I climbed out of Alex’s lap to get outside, Matt joining me in an instant.

“Come on, Al,” Matt instructs Alex who wobbles out of the vehicle, stumbling upon reaching the ground. He did not stop in front of us, instead, went ahead to enter the hotel by himself. I could hear Matt’s exhausted sigh as he turned to look at me with an apologising look.

“I’m so sorry for that man child,” he starts to say, making me laugh.

“You don’t have to worry about it. I can take him back to his room and you can go to yours,” I inform him, trying to ease his burden of taking care of his drunk band mate.

Matt scratches the back of his head and I furrow my eyebrows at him as it looks like he wants to say something but is holding himself back.

“He’s the only one who has chosen to stay in a hotel. We’re all going back home.”

My eyes widen at the revelation, confusion instantly kicking in from the information.

“Why would he want to be alone?”

Matt shifts his feet before speaking up. “I don’t want you to be burdened with this, but he’s hoping every night you’ll still show up. Every show in every city, he’d be looking out for you in the crowd, and wait in his dressing room afterwards in the chance you’ll come and see him,” he says carefully, concern written all over his face.

I was paralysed, not knowing how to react nor what to reply in turn. I know Matt is saying this not to make me feel guilty and put the blame on me, but it’s hard not to let the guilt creep on my insides and let it consume me. Did I make the right decision? I thought it was for the best to avoid it— but how could I avoid the inevitable?

“I’m sorry,” I voice out, not knowing which particularly I am sorry for but just because I think it’s the only reply I could say right now.

Matt shakes his head quickly. “You don’t have to apologise for anything. I know how Alex could be. He’s a quiet person when it comes to talking about his feelings and talking about things because his outlet is through song writing, that’s where he can explain himself best.”

“I don’t know what happened between you two or what’s happening between you two, but I am certain that Alex cares about you. He’s a ‘good’ different after you have seen him or when he’s talking to you through the phone. He cares for you deeply,” Matt softly smiles, touching my arm in a comforting way.

I swallow the lump in my throat as I try to hold back the tears that have formed in my eyes. I nod at him, looking at him to let him know that I care more than I let it show too to Alex.

“I better make sure he’s all settled,” I bid Matt a goodbye and what I was not expecting was a hug from him.

“Thank you.”

After waving a final goodbye at last, I walk inside the hotel. The fancy interior design intimidating me the least, the shiny lights reflecting and bouncing off on the neatly polished floor of the hotel lobby. I try to navigate my way to the lift, hoping to catch the sight of the drunk man I am supposed to babysit for the night.

I saw Alex leaning by the elevator buttons, eyes closed as he crossed his arms around himself. My footsteps draw his attention, hazily opening his eyes. He blinked multiple times at my approaching figure and did not start to speak until I pushed the ‘up’ button of the lift.

“Long time,” Alex complains, pouting like a child.

I roll my eyes playfully at him, extending my arm with my palm turned upwards at him. “Hotel key room?”

He smiles cheekily, turning around and popping his arse at me. I huff a laugh when I realise what he is insinuating for me to do.

“Jean pocket, love.”

“One of these days, you’re just begging to be pegged.,” I joke, reaching out to playfully smack his arse to which he yelps, dipping my hand to retrieve his key card on his back pocket.

“Only by you,” he jokes back.

It should not stir something inside of me when he replied, but it did. Every time I am in the presence of this man, the unholy thoughts just follow and I have to physically bite the inside of my cheeks to snap me out of it.

Must have been the wind.

The lift dings loudly, indicating it’s our turn to hop in. I grab his arm to which I lead him inside, him silently whining like a child in the process. It finally led us to his floor, Alex walking out straight right to in front of his hotel room, seemingly sober now.

I squinted my eyes in suspicion to which he just gave only an innocent smile, scanning his key card to open the door. He walks in first and I follow him, still being suspicious now with his silence.

“Why are you—”

My back effectively shuts the door closed when I was pushed unexpectedly on it, a gasp slipping out from my mouth. A pair of lips landing on mine, swallowing the gasp I just let out. The familiar feeling of Alex’s lips is shutting down my brain, making me move voluntarily and chase the familiarity of the warmth he brings in my body. Our lips move in sync, noses rubbing together, as I instinctively wrap my legs around his waist when he slaps my arse lightly and carries me off the ground.

“Please let me feel you,” he mumbles against my lips before biting my lower lip, and slipping his tongue on my mouth. I moan at the sensation, his words not registering on my brain as I let his hot tongue claim me. The warm feeling simmering down on my belly from want starts to reach its boiling point, wetness starting to be released from where I need Alex the most.

“Alex,” I say his name breathlessly, my hands moving upwards to grab his hair and remove his soft mouth from giving me the pleasure I have not had for weeks. He unwillingly detaches from me, his eyes are glazed with an emotion I cannot pinpoint.

“Please, let me have you,” he pleads in a whisper, giving me that puppy eyed look to which I cannot resist.

“You’re drunk, Al,” I try to reason out.

He shakes his head immediately, hair falling in front of his face. His lips start to pepper kisses on my face, his hold tightening on me as he presses me further on the door and leaving no space between us. I can feel his cock hardening inside my thigh as he proceeds to give me kisses in every inch of my face, a silent plea of his request.

“I need you, darling. Just one night, please. I’m not drunk anymore, I promise. I have sobered up. Please just please, baby. Let me feel you tonight. I need it. I need you so bad. I want you, love,” Alex pleads again, groaning lowly with so much want lacing his voice.

With how hard he is pressing on me on the door, there is no use of his two hands supporting me to carry me off the ground. He removes his hands on my thighs, trembling as it roams on sides, his rough hands touching every inch of my body, memorising it once again and once more.

“I have been waiting for you every night in the past month. I have missed you so damn much, please I need to have you right now,” he mumbles shakily, hips starting to move involuntarily and press it more prominently on my core. The pleasure instantly struck me like a lightning, my legs tightening on his waist as he continued to rub himself on me.

Alex proceeds to cradle my cheeks on his large hands, angling my head as he places open mouthed kisses on my cheek, my temple, and my forehead.

“Please. Please. Please,” he murmurs, planting a kiss after every ‘please’ he voices out.

My heart is beating out of my chest and my head is swirling with different thoughts and emotions and it is not helping how Alex begs right now and his actions on me, effectively short-circuiting my brain and shutting down my line of reasoning.

“Okay,” I plainly replied, licking my lips as his face lit up for a second at my one word answer.

He wasted no time and led us right to his bed. He lays me down on top of the soft thick duvet cover of the bed and continues to kiss tenderly and hotly from top to bottom, every space and every inch of my body. All I could do is to surrender to the feeling, moaning out to voice out how much all of these are affecting me.

“I need to feel you,” Alex repeats, looking down on me with his arms on both sides of my head, and I know what he is asking for.

We have never done it raw, always with a condom as doing it without a barrier seems to be extra intimate.

Maybe we are ready for it tonight?

“Just give it to me tonight, please. Just for tonight. I can’t stop thinking about you and how you would feel on me, baby,” Alex’s voice is trembling with need and want, pinching my heart through my chest with how good he sounds and feels right now.

“All yours, Al.”

With those three words, Alex snaps out from his control and reconnects our lips together. The intensity of his kiss is dizzying, the way he bites my lips lightly over and over again and his tongue trying to get past behind my lips is rendering me completely paralysed from the weight of pleasure he is giving. As soon as I let him in, our teeth collided messily, his kisses sucking the breath out of me that I physically have to hold onto him for dear life to supply me with oxygen.

I did not dare to move or pull away from him and instead, urged him to lose his control and lay it out all on me. His hands moving on its own, heat leaving a trail on its wake as it moves all around— my body, my waist, my side, my tits— taking off my clothes and throwing it somewhere around the room. My shaky hands proceed to do the same, unbuttoning his shirt one by one, slowly as I am moving blindly, still with my eyes shut from the magnitude of Alex’s kisses.

He finally pulls away reluctantly, making me gasp for fresh air. He trails kisses down to my body, lowering himself until he reaches my core. One finger hooking down on my panties, removing it off my body completely.

“Please,” I say as my breath hitches when I felt his own warm exhale on my wet cunt.

“How could I say no to that?”

The first lick of his tongue on my core sends electricity up to my body, making me reflexively grasp Alex’s long hair to push him further down where I ache the most. Two rough hands holding my hips to remain down as his skilful tongue coaxes waves and waves of pleasure on my system. The obscene sound of licking paired with wetness gushing out of me is criminal, a little bit embarrassed on how turned on I am right now and he just started eating me out. His beard is scratching the insides of my thigh lightly, igniting a small burn every time Alex moves his head to continuously taste me.

And what a fucking sight he is right now.

Eyes closed with a long strand of hair escaping from my hold and resting on his face, his pink tongue darting out to eat me out like he is starving and I am his last meal on this world, slurping all the wetness my cunt is giving and not letting a drop become a waste. His nose nudges my clit often, becoming red as he purposely rubs it and rubs my sensitive spot, bringing me closer and closer to my sweet release. His grip on my thigh tightens to lock me in my place as his tongue continues to assault my core, moaning every once in a while and the vibrations sending shock waves in my veins.

His eyes open, eyelashes fluttering right up at me, connecting our gaze as he eats me out like his mouth on my cunt is like a normal Sunday meal he has. Big brown eyes staring right at me and I could not hold our gazes connected, as the pleasure overtook my senses. The strong climax near within the reach making me shut my eyes tightly, seeing dots of white with how hard I threw my head back, tightening my hold on Alex’s hair and the pain must burn his scalp but he only moaned loudly on my wet cunt, continuing to urge me to my most long awaited orgasm for the night.

“Come on, darling. Give it to me, my good girl.”

Alex’s sweet praises sent me over the edge, mouth opening to gasp and scream his name at the same time, choking as tears of satisfaction rolled down my face. My legs are shaking as Alex does not stop until he coaxes out all of my release from my first orgasm of the night. My thighs try to clench together which traps his head in between, hands trembling as I weakly hold his hair to pull him away from my sensitive core.

I inhale and exhale through my mouth to try and catch my breath and intake fresh oxygen in my system. His soft lips start to plant kisses along the insides of my thighs, his fingers rubbing it soothingly as he helps me come down from my high. He slowly makes his way back to my face, murmuring every after kiss sweet terms of endearment.

I look at him once he’s back right at my face. His pupils are full blown wide in lust, the tip of the nose is achingly red. His pink lips are glistening from my cum, and so does his beard covered with my release.

“Can I have you?” Alex once again begs and I whine at him in want.

I bring his face down on me, our lips meeting once again. I could taste myself in his mouth and the need to have him inside me grows only further. He hastily removes his last piece of clothing, his boxers, and a moan tears out of my mouth when I feel his cock rubbing my pussy without any protection that serves as a barrier this time. Alex grinds down on me, his hand collecting both my wrist in one single go and pinning them above my head. He buries his face on my neck, nipping and sucking as his hips uncontrollably move between my thighs, my slick from my release gliding his cock perfectly on my core.

“Did you miss me?” Alex whispers in my ear, his hot breath adding a sensation of pleasure that I am feeling as he grinds his dick on my cunt.

I swallow with a dry throat and nod at him, hands grabbing his shoulder. It seems like he was not satisfied with my answer and proceeded to halt his actions, making me whine in complaint.

“Use your words, darling or I won’t fuck you at all,” he threatens. He brings a hand down and pinch my clit, making me yelp at the feeling.

“You’re crazy, Al! You were begging to fuck me not long ago and now you’re threatening me?” I say in disbelief, lifting my hips to continue rubbing, but his other arm that is not trapping my wrists in captivity holds me down on my stomach, making me not able to move further.

“I need to hear you say it. Did you miss me?”

I opened my eyes to lock stare with Alex. There is vulnerability and seriousness painted on his face, his warm eyes scanning my face for any expression. It seems like— he needs it, he craves it— my answer, and…

How could I say no to that?

“I missed you so much, Al. Every night. I touched myself thinking it was you, but I couldn’t reach my orgasm, because my fingers are never enough. I need you please, just fuck me and make me remember only you,” I say in all honesty.

Each word coming from my mouth melts the seriousness and vulnerability on his face, and now it is replaced with determination and an emotion I cannot point out. Relief? It looks like he is relieved to hear me admit those things out loud. He finally frees an arm on my waist and adjusts his hips, nudging the tip of his cock to where I need him the most. I can feel him slowly entering and stretching me out, every inch is being swallowed by my wetness, to which we both sigh a moan in relief and pleasure. I can feel him raw and deep, and I instinctively clench around him, evoking a groan out from Alex’s already swollen pink lips.

“God, this is way better than I imagined. To finally feel you like this,” he whimpers, slowly moving inside of me, bringing my leg to wrap on his waist.

“I missed you,” I say once more, holding onto his shoulders as he rocks his hips roughly this time.

Something must have been activated on Alex by my three words, as he rolls his hips more deeply and plunges his cock deeper inside of me, almost feeling him on my stomach. Our uneven gasps echoes in the air, the obscene loud wet sounds intertwining with our moans of pleasure together.

“Fuck yes, so fucking tight,” he curses out, biting on my sensitive spot on my neck that made me clench once more at the feeling. His palm lands on my left tit, squeezing it just hard enough that it feels good and doubles the pleasure.

“Alex,” I gasp in pleasure, not being able to think of anything else other than his name that I chant like a prayer. The room starts to spin as another orgasm starts to build at the pit of my stomach. My hands search for something to hold on, and all I could tightly clutch on my palm is the duvet cover which must look the opposite from the neat and tidy look the hotel offers upon checking in.

“God, my hand doesn’t feel the same as you,” Alex admits as well, his ragged breaths fanning my face as he thrusts more deeper and uncontrollably inside of me. I momentarily open my eyes just to see him looking down to where we connected, where his cock is being swallowed by my wet cunt, to which he cannot look away how perfectly fit he is inside of me, how good I am taking his dick and only him.

Alex looks up at me, his face drunk on pleasure. “Did you miss me? Tell me you have missed me, baby.”

I clutch on him tightly, feelings swirling between us. The air shifted into something more intimate than ever before. It was different. That call of endearment feels different.

I choked out a ‘yes’ in between me calling out Alex’s name as he pounds more erratically and seemingly lost in the pleasure we both are currently in. His control has completely dissolved and his body is naturally taking over, chasing his own high, but not forgetting about me as he makes sure I cross the line first by bringing a hand down and rubbing my sensitive clit to add to the intoxicating sensations of being raw fucked by him.

“Please tell me you have missed me the way I have yearned for you every day since that night in Germany,” Alex rasps, trying to keep his eyes on me to witness me becoming undone beneath him by him, but the overwhelming sensation of his own orgasm is overpowering that he cannot help but throw back his head and open his mouth to silently moan, eye rolling back to his head, as different sensations hit him brick by brick. My hands on his shoulder, my cries and whimpers entering his ears, my raw pussy choking his own cock as he thrusts in and out and after every thrust, it is getting too wet and hard for him to stay inside and fuck me deeply.

“C-close. Al, please, so-so close. Let me come, don’t stop,” I cry out loud, my leg being stretched to rest on his shoulders, making me feel Alex’s thrust deeper and harder this way.

Alex complies and angles his hips to hit something sensitive within me. His hips snaps into a rougher thrusts, his guttural moan filling my ear deliciously, completely drunk and lost at the moment we currently share.

The pleasure inside of me grew until it was not possible for me to hold for much longer. I let out a scream that tears right through the room, my second orgasm rippling inside of me with so much force. I grip his shoulder as tight as my strength would allow me, crying as the waves of pleasure of my orgasm course through my body.

“Fuck— baby. Oh, God,” Alex moans out loud, keeping his face buried on my neck. After a few hard thrusts, I feel Alex biting my shoulders hard to keep himself from screaming like I did, finally reaching his own release and emptying his cock inside of me. Thick ropes of warm cum start to paint my insides, making me bite my lip at the sensitivity. I scratch his back and help him thrust more, riding the last bits of his orgasm. I could feel his warm release being pushed on my cunt more and more as he finished off, and collapsed on my chest.

I bring my hand to rake it through his hair, rubbing it soothingly as we both come down from the highs of our pleasure. I could feel Al still twitching, him still loudly gasping for air. I look down to see his eyes closed, face on top of my tits, with a content smile etched on his lips. As if sensing my gaze, his eyes flutter open and proceed to look up at me.

He gives me a big cheeky smile.

“Enjoying your pillow?” I say in amusement, still playing with his hair.

He closes his eyes once again, burying his nose further on my tits. “The best pillow. Only mine, I hope.”

That brings a chuckle out of my chest to which he joins. He carefully removes himself from me, slowly pulling out his dick. He hums in satisfaction when he sees his own release mixed with mine, dripping out of my pussy. He brings his two fingers to scoop and collect it to stop it from dripping on the duvet cover. The same fingers unexpectedly enter me and push our orgasm back into me, making me let out a choked moan, pain and pleasure mixing together with no fine line between the two.

“Alex,” I say, not knowing if I want him to stop or continue his movements.

“Sorry, sorry. Couldn’t help it, baby.”

I stare at him to which he gives me an innocent smirk, which I know he is not even sorry at all. His back collapsed beside me and joined me to stare at the crème coloured ceiling of the hotel room we both forgot we were in. I just hope there are no other people besides this room, more favourably, no other people on this floor.

“Give me a minute to recover and I’ll be out of your hair soon,” I say once I have mildly recovered. However, sleepiness from exhaustion and from two mind blowing orgasms starts to take over me wholly.

Alex instantly shifts on the bed to face me. “You can stay over, you always know that, baby,” he says in a small voice.

There it is again.

“You know I can’t do that,” I sigh, avoiding his eyes. He became silent after that, which made me feel guilty for keeping something from him.

“But I’ll rest here for a while. You just gave me the best orgasm of my life,” I jokingly said, but really giving the truth that it was the best orgasm of my life.

That lifted Alex’s spirits as he sports another smug smirk at me. I roll my eyes playfully as I lay on his bed, still not being able to move and have control of my body.

Alex reaches out to lay his palm on my stomach, rubbing it gently that makes a yawn come out of my lips. My eyes start to flutter shut as I hear him hum an unfamiliar yet a comforting tune, slowly lulling me into a needed deep sleep I have not had in weeks.

My limbs start to relax and before I know it, all I remember was Alex’s soft kisses on my forehead as I let the darkness win this time and make me deal with them tomorrow day.

Public Service Announcement:

Don’t be silly, wrap your willy!

For this one, she’s on the birth control and they are both clean so, yeah. All is well!

This took so long to write because I still find myself awkward when it comes to writing out smut parts, but the next part is already finished! If someone is still reading this note and this work specifically, thank you so much!

If you have something to say or ask or request— just reach out, please! 🤎

[annasfantasies]

Sugar 2

/alex turner x fem!reader

Credits to the owners of the photos

PART ONE

Pairing: the car!alex turner x fem!reader

Summery: the cute evening with Al turned into something more

Warnings: age gap (Alex 37 and reader 25), soft!dom Alex, clit play, spanking, praising kink, fingering (f receiving), p in w, fem nicknames (sugar, darling, pretty girl, baby, good girl) choking, ruined orgasm, blow job, unprotected sex, cream pie, aftercare

Word count: 2.2k

masterlist

ENGLISH ISN’T MY FIRST LANGUAGE

"Couldn't stop thinking about you all day, darling."

I yelped as he smacked my ass, the burning sensation swiftly smoothed by the hand. "Alex!"

He chuckled not even bothered by my weight on his shoulder and continued caressing my ass. I huffed at his cockiness but that was quickly replaced by another yelp as his hand landed on me again.

I rolled my eyes and realised we were almost in our bedroom. In that moment I got an idea. I giggled and outstretched my hand. "What-" I interrupted him by my hand landing on his ass. He gasped but suddenly I was thrown on our bed. I looked up at Alex with a smirk on my lips. "What?" I asked innocently and fluttered my lashes on him.  He raised his eyebrows and put his hands on his hips. I didn't even realise I was biting my bottom lip until he broke the tension in the room.

"Playing innocent?" He titled his head slightly and shifted his weight to one leg.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I smiled at him. I'm playing with fire, he will teach me how to behave later and I can't wait for the lesson.

I raised my leg and rested it right above the tent of his trousers. He looked down and then back at me, few brown locks of his hair fell into his face. Slowly I moved the leg lower and started rubbing against him while holding eye contact with him the whole time.

The fire in his eyes grew and I continued my teasing game. I could feel him harden below my foot but before I could say something about it, he slapped the leg away, bend down and turned my body on the bed. All I could do is gasp. He had already lifted my, well his white button up to reveal my ass covered in baby pink lace panties.

"So naughty, hm?" I could hear the smirk in his husky voice, he stroked my cheeks, kneading them with his big hands. I sucked in a sharp breath, my right asscheek was starting to hurt from the earliest slaps. "I asked you a question, love." He said with another smack against the skin. I made a noise which sounded like something between whine, moan and yelp and nodded. He chuckled and caressed me again. "Words, sugar."

I received another one. "Yes!" I moaned out the so wanted answer.

"Good girl." He praised me causing my walls to clench around nothing, I could feel my panties getting soaked. He leaned down and kissed the red and burning spots. I buried my face into the mattress and sucked a sharp breath in my lungs. "Sensitive, hm?"

"Yes." I whispered and bit my bottom lip. Suddenly he touched the wet spot between my legs with his thumb. I gasped but pushed against his finger. “Please."

He chuckled. "You think you deserve it?" He started slowly rubbing the wetness, moving lower to my clit. That made me whine loudly.

"Please, Alex." I whined again when he added more pressure and started rubbing quick cycles on it.

"Answer." He said firmly. I arched my back and pushed into his hand more.

"I do. I've been waiting for you all day and I made you cookies." I said, every now and then whimpering. I gathered the white sheets beneath me with my hands. "Please."

He chuckled and smacked my left cheek with his free hand. "Well, when you're asking so nicely."

Before I could beg more he pulled my ass in the air and slid my panties down my thighs just above my knees.

I could feel his stare on my bare pussy, the juices leaking down my lags. "Such a pretty view." He whispered lowly. His voice full of lust making me shiver and clench around nothing.

"Alex please." I rub my thighs against each other trying to get some relief.

He chuckled behind me and placed his palms on my asscheeks, squeezing them. I bucked back into his hands and whined.

His fingers slowly slid lower and lower until he was where I wanted and needed him. He spread my fold and I gasped when he blew air onto me. "Alex!"

He laughed again before sliding two finger between my fold, gathering the wetness and pulling away.

I sighted in frustration but was interrupted by a licking sound and Alex humming. "What-" I looked over my shoulder and saw Alex's fingers in his mouth. The walls of my insides clenched around nothing and the wetness ran down my lags yet again.

He looked angelic. His hair messy, eyes closed, lashes touching his rosy cheeks, lips wrapped around the fingers. Pure pleasure written all over his face.

I moaned which made him open his eyes. The eye contact was so intense and full of lust I bit into my bottom lip, Alex's dark eyes drifted to it and before I could say anything he grabbed me by my jaw and kissed me.

It wasn't sweet and cute like when he came home. No. It was want and neediness. I deepened it and opened my mouth, touching his lips by my tongue as a request for him to open his. He did and slid his tongue into my mouth, we fought for dominance, even though we both knew he is going to win.

He pulled away too soon, touching my forehead with his and panting. I closed my eyes and tried to catch my breath as well but was surprised by the now wet fingers quickly sliding into me.

I gasped and he pulled away, his hand sliding to the back of my head and burring me into the sheets. Alex slowly pulled almost all the way out before shoving into me again and deeper. I moaned his name loudly but was muffled by the sheets as he punched me more into it.

He continued to slide in and out, drawing loud moans and needy whines out of me. He occasionally slowed down to almost stoping making me beg. The room was full of wet sounds, my whines and Alex's praising. The pleasure I was feeling in my whole body started to be too much, the knot in my stomach tightening. "Aly! I'm gonna cum!" I screamed.

He moved his hand and wrapped it around my neck, squeezing me just right. I was almost there but just as I was about to finish he stoped everything and pulled away. My body shook as I groaned, sniffled and screamed, babbling things that weren't making sense. "No, no, no! Alex, please- I-"

He chuckled and smacked my red cheek again.

"You- you said that-"

"That was for the slap you gave me." I heard him stand up rustling with something. "Sit up." He ordered. I pulled my self up onto my knees before turning around and sitting on the edge of our bed. I looked up at him with my best puppy eyes I could do, my cheeks probably red as apples and glossed with tears.

He put a lock of my hair behind my ear and stroked my cheek, wiping the tears away. "So pretty." He smiled at me. He pulled down his already unzipped trousers, I helped him pull them down past his knees before sliding my palms back up to his black boxers. I bit my lip when I saw the outline of his cock. I took him out and almost moaned. He was big and thick with a vein going all the way up from the bottom to the pinky head. Even though I saw and took him multiple times it will always make me nervous.

I looked him in the eyes asking for permission. "Go on, pretty girl."

That was all I needed before taking him in my hand. He twitched and the pre cum dripped down his length. I started to stroke him and spreading the wetness, brushing my thumb agains his tip and squeezing him every time nearing it.

Alex was releasing breath groans and small moans. He put his hands at the back of my head and pulled me to him. "Need your mouth." Was all he said.

I smiled at him while holding eye contact and opened my mouth, slowly lowering my head until he was touching me. I took the tip in and sucked onto him. He groaned and pushed ma head until he hit the back of my throat causing me to gag. "So warm, baby." He threw his head back moaning out loud my name. "So good."

I started moving my mead, slowly speeding up. I stroke the rest of him that didn’t fit into my mouth, squeezing him and playing with his balls. He pulled onto my hair which made me moan. He started bucking his hips back into me, hitting the back of my throat. He let out more whimpers and praises. There was starting to form a wet patch underneath me and saliva running down my chin.

"Fuck! You're so good, such a good girl." He rasped out, the end of the sentence turned into another high pitched moan. I clenched my thighs trying to get some kind of release.

I felt him twitch agains my tongue meaning he is close. I bumped my head faster and took him even deeper. I don't care I can barely breath, I want him to cum, I want to taste him.

Without another warning the hot drops of his cum shoot into me. The taste and sounds of his the only thing I can focus on. I continued my movements until he stoped me. I released him from my warmth with a pop and saliva connecting us.

He sighed and took my jaw. "Open up." I obeyed and sticked out my tongue covered in the liquid. He smirked and stroked my red cheek. "Swallow." Were his next commands. I did as he said, looking into his eyes the whole time. I opened again to show him, hoping he will reward me. “Good girl.” He nodded and squeezed my cheeks.

“I think you deserve it now.”

I nodded, desperately wanting him inside me already, needing him. “Please.” My voice was hoarse from earlier activities.

He bend down to be face to face with me and took my neck into his hand again. His lips crushed into mine, both of us moaning, our tongues fighting yet again. He pushed me onto my back and got on top of me. My hand flew into his brown locks, pulling onto them.

We moved back until I was resting on the fluffy pillows. Alex squeezed the sides of my neck, drawing a whine out of me. Unfortunately he pulled away and moved to my neck, sucking and nibbling on the skin, trying to leave new mark. The last ones were already fading.

I gasped when his teeth sank into me. The sensation becoming overpowering but in a pleasing way.

Another gasp left me when I felt the head of his cock sliding between me folds, gathering wetness before going to the entrance. He looked at me silently asking me, I nodded and he finally slid in.

His thickness stretching me out even after I took him countless times. I will never get used to him and I’m loving it. When he was finally in I was feeling full and completed. He waited a minute before pulling almost all the way out and then pushing back in and even deeper.

As he was moving and letting his beautiful sounds out into the crook of my neck, I was releasing my on. The room was full of cries of pleasure and wet noises.

“Taking me so well, sugar. So good for me, as always.” He rasped out and kissed me hard, pouring his love into it and I tried my best to return it. He pulled away and rested his forehead against mine, holding me close.

I started feeling the familiar feeling and pressed him by my legs just above his ass, trying to make him go faster and deeper. He understood and did as I desired, moved his hand between our bodies and touching my center. He started massaging me and before I knew it was tripping over the edge. “I’m cummin-“

“Me too, baby. Me too.” Was all he said before filling me up with loud groan.

He laid on top of me as we panted, trying to catch our breathes and holding each other in our arms.

“You did so good, my love.” He broke the silence and kissed my cheeks and forehead. “I love you.”

I smiled at him and stroked his cheek. “I love you too, handsome.”

He placed a soft kiss on his on my lips before pulling out and getting up. His cum dripping out of me and on the sheets. He disappeared into a bathroom that is connected to the bedroom. I undressed myself completely and when he came back he was holding a wet towel. He got between my legs and cleaned me and then tucked me in the bed, placing another kiss on my face.

He left to clean himself too and came back in new pair of underwear before sliding into the bed with me. He wrapped his arms around me, bringing me as close as possible and burring his face in my hair.

I hid myself in his chest, letting his warmth and scent swallow me.

A/N: first time writing smut in English so I hope it’s readable😐 please let me know if you find any mistakes or anything!

Feedback is always welcome💗 don’t forget to leave a comment or I you are shy you can send an anonymous text‼️

[lalaballa]

*and is there any relation of the Crying Lightning stone cold manipulator to his public persona?*

[mrschwartz]

[misskattylashes]

Alex post 2018 – some ruminations

I have been doing some thinking about the change in Alex from pre TBHC to post TBHC and I have come up with the following ruminations;

Yesterday (1 October) two things happened. The audiobook of The Unfinished Harauld Hughes by Richard Ayoade was released, and Louise posted a very awkward photo of herself and Alex, with some weird reference to an anniversary that makes no sense (but I’m not going to speculate about that). Alex provided the music for the audiobook of Harauld Hughes, and yet I don’t know one person who has listened to it, instead what are we all talking about? (me included) The photo of him and Louise.

I was there from the beginning when little Alex was being hailed as this wonderkid, a little Yorkshire tyke who wrote like Alan Bennet or Jarvis Cocker. The word ‘genius’ was banded about often. Even in the subsequent years, with all the high profile ‘romances’, the speculation about Milex, and all his image changes, people still spoke about what a great musical talent he was, but it all seemed to stop at AM5.

I’m not going to talk about TLSP because that is an equal endeavour with Miles, this is focusing purely on AM.

It was as though Tranquillity Base Hotel and Casino was like Alex finally dropping all the pretence and revealing to the world exactly what kind of genius he was….and no one liked it. From then on something in him changed. We get dramas in the press about him being a love cheat, whereas up until then he had been portrayed as a romantic who went from monogamous relationship to monogamous relationship. Suddenly he becomes this lothario, breaking hearts and causing lots of fans to become more invested in his love life than his musical output.

By the time of The Car, he had practically given up. We get a handful of studio interviews and some written pieces, and that was it. Until it has got to the point that nowadays Matt is the group’s mouthpiece. Alex can’t be bothered at all. He seems more interested in taking part in awkward pap walks and photoshoots with Louise, than he does promoting his own music. How lovely it would have been when AM was voted one of the greatest albums of all time, to hear him reflecting on it. He didn’t have to give away his secrets about subject matter, but he could have spoken about the recording process and what was happening with the other boys at the time. But nada. Matt had to do it.

It is like Alex has become his own self-fulfilling prophecy. The fans didn’t like TBHC (‘puncturing your bubble of relatability with your horrible new sound’) and it wounded him deeply, so he’s giving them little in return except things to gossip about. Let’s face facts, lots of stars have messy love-lives, but they also have high court injunctions in place that stop anyone talking about it. Even Taylor, if she’d had the threat of the law coming down on her, wouldn’t be able talk about Alex. But she’s allowed to and fuels the flames of interest in his love-life rather than his talent. Then of course we have Louise and her strange behaviour, and their weird relationship, which once again fuels speculation. Again, she could be instructed not to interact with fans, but she is allowed to come after them, creating controversy, which Alex becomes involved in without saying a word, but he gets tainted with her brush.

I always thought his troubled 2018 was down to problems with his relationship with Miles, but after a little digging around and finding stuff out, him and Miles were perfectly okay by 2018. I think their troubles were in 2017 after the intensity of EYCTE, but those two can’t stay apart for long, and that wasn’t the problem. The problem was that TBHC was the first album where Alex finally bared his soul, his ‘this is me’ moment and when people rejected it, he was hurt. Let’s not forget that Alex doesn’t know anything but being famous. AM is his world, and it’s like he loses perspective. Yes, people don’t like the new material and the direction the band is going in, and yes, probably half of the people who went to see them on tour went to scream at him, but none of that matters. Time is going to move and so are the AM fanbase. I am sure both TBHC and The Car got them new, different fans who aren’t interested in heartthrob Alex and his messed up life, but instead the beautiful music he makes and his genius with words, which is still the same as it was when he was 19.

I have a sneaky feeling AM8 will be AM5 mark ii, purely to please the fans, which is a shame because AM5 suited the time and space it was in, but not now. He should be able to make the sort of music he wants to, either solo, with Miles or AM.

Anyway, they are just the ruminations from my flu-riddled brain. In a nutshell, after TBHC Alex lost sight of himself and to quote his own lyrics, I would quite like to grab both shoulders and shake him and tell him to snap out of it.

[nicoscheer]

Why did my brain only just now make the goddamn connection 🫠

In “The World’s First Ever Monster Truck Front Flip” Alex literally just oh so casually references one of Miles’ all time favorite movies “in the mood for love”

He’s got a poster of the movie in his living room since like forever (couldn’t find any other pic of it on the fly)

[homoirrealis]

"What a death I died writing that song Start to finish, with you looking on It stays between us, Steinway and his sons"

The Ultracheese by Arctic Monkeys [x]

[steinwayandhissons]

god i miss alex’s cunty little tbhc mv outfits

he had no right to slay this hard

[damsel-in-mistress]

thinking about the time Alex wrote the lyrics "I have a feeling that this whole thing might just turn out too clever for its own good" in a song on an album that quite literally turned out to be too clever for its own good - just think of all the hate it got for being different bc ppl were stuck on the puzzle (pun fully intended), unaware they were missing the precious piece of Al's writing evolution that is Everything You've Come to Expect and The Last Shadow Puppets

TBH+C is a fucking masterpiece

[blurryshades24]

I’ll be by the batphone, if you need to get ahold.

..

Pumped this out in a full day I’m unstoppable 😭

Anyways here’s Mark in color, featuring his glowing eye and all its glory :3

Once more this AU is a collaboration with these lovely people! Check them out!

[flothunderstorms]

AREN’T YOU GOING TO LEAVE ME?

𝑰𝒔𝒏’𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒆𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒆?

𝐌𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

Warning: Angst

Word count: 8k

You visit me every single night.

Breathing in deeply, closing my eyes for now

And perhaps I'm just daydreaming

There is no single second of my waking day without you occupying my mind. It’s you. Always you. You were here last night and as soon as I woke up this morning… you’re still here?

Will I ever be at peace?

I open my eyes and groan at the glaring afternoon sunlight that escaped through my what is supposed to be some black-out blinds. I must have opened a window to let in some fresh air in the room because I was so sure to be suffocating, no, I was drowning, and you were just there staring at my hopeless attempt to sleep.

You used to soothe the tangles out of my hair and that lulls me to sleep. At the same time, that is how you also wake me up from my deep slumber. It is your hands that calms me, and it was the drink and my wandering hands to be blamed as to why I am currently not feeling your gentle hands on me.

I miss it. I miss you. I miss us.

It’s you. God, nothing will ever be like you.

Why am I worried? Aren't I alone?

I think I will be alone for the rest of my life because of that damn stupid mistake that one night in Paris while on tour. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know why I did it. It was stupid. I was stupid. If I could just fucking go back in time, I would ban myself from ever entering that city, maybe, just maybe, that will make you be here with me, right back in my bed, where you should be.

I must have been awake for an hour now as I can feel my brain sending different signals in my body. The need to relieve my bladder, the growl of hunger of my stomach, and the buzzing pain in my temples from the whiskey I have drowned to finally push myself to sleep. I feel serene. Finally, calm. It’s a new day, maybe this day would be the day to move forward. The day where I will be seeing the world in colour and whe���

“Alex! I said a decaf!”

I snapped my head towards the sound of your voice. The once white wall is now not empty as you are there standing, laughing at me as your arm reaches out to emphasise the cup of coffee you are holding.

I thought it was calm, but your voice is still calling

Just around the corner of our flat, there’s this your favourite coffee shop that at the same time is a mini bookstore plus sells flowers. It’s your dream to have a 3-in-1 establishment like this, and we were planning on it. I always get your coffee wrong because their menu is in French, and your coffee order is always different every day as you choose your drink of the day based on how you feel, and to hell I know French words, but you love French. You love Paris. You want to stay in the City of Love, but I broke your heart in that very same city we were supposed to build our home one day.

You were destroyed as soon as I confessed that I had slept with someone else. It was the after show in Paris and I, well I had a couple of drinks. Okay, I think I had more than a whole bottle and when I saw her, I don’t know what came over to me to even think it was you. You were in Asia, backpacking with your friends and I have been on tour for months now and we haven’t seen each other that long and I missed you so much my brain was not thinking properly I don’t know, I really don’t know.

And I know it was not an excuse, will it ever be an excuse.

What I know clearly is the next thing that ensued. She went up to me and I can vaguely remember her praising me for the show. It’s a lapse of judgement. It’s an irrevocable mistake. It’s a guilt that would haunt me with your ghost forever.

I kissed her.

I imagined it was you, and when I did, it was the most abominable and the worst thing that ever happened. I slept with her thinking she was you. I saw your face when I pushed my cock into her. I kissed her in the places I know you are sensitive with. I pleasured her just the way you’d plead me to. I called your name when I reached my end.

It was abominable, because at that moment all I was thinking was how it was great to be with you again and was imagining you as I pound into her, and at the same time it was the worst because she did not feel the same as how you would feel, and that brought me back to reality.

What have I done?

Everything has been buried

My wounds have been covered, but why are you still here?

You were not angry at me. Fuck, why weren’t you angry at me, baby? Why didn’t you slap me? Punch me? Shouted at me? Why didn’t you hurt me back the way I have hurt you when I uttered my pathetic stuttering confession to you.

You should feel disgusted by my abominable act. You should feel that deep and burning hatred in your bones. You should be cursing my name to all saints by now.

Instead, you stood there nodding, tears freely flowing down your angelic face as if completely accepting and understanding what I have done. You shouldn’t. You should not have forgiven me so quickly. I was down on my knees and saying the words “I’m sorry” over and over again like a broken record. I don’t know what to do to erase it, but what I know is I will be at your complete mercy for the rest of my life, double it, because even before I am complete already yours to begin with.

You shouldn’t have fallen down on your knees to hug me. You shouldn’t have comforted me as I descended to a breakdown. You shouldn’t be wasting your precious tears on me and cradling my face with your little hands and wiping the tears below my eyes. You shouldn’t have peppered my face with kisses to calm me down from a near panic attack that was about to happen. You shouldn’t be here, be with someone who’s a pathetic excuse for a boyfriend.

And you need to be free from me.

So I broke once more your already broken heart that night.

I broke up with you. I’m someone who is falling back to that chasm of old habits. I’m someone you don’t want to talk about to your family and friends. I’m someone who is unworthy of you: of your attention, of your presence, of your love. I’m falling, baby, and you don’t deserve to fall with me.

And I can’t take it back.

A month later, we met at your favourite coffee shop. I was to give you the last box of your things that you have left from the apartment that we won’t share anymore. You look breathtaking, as always. You look tired, but nonetheless, angelic. You smiled as soon as you spotted me in the corner, immediately making your way over the table. I was at a loss of words, but as always, you always know how to start the conversation.

You asked me how I was and you, you…

You said you’d always care for me, and that you missed me too, because the very first thing that came out of my mouth was those three words floating in my mind for every day in the past month:

I miss you.

Our coffee cup is empty, and it pains me, because this is about to end. It kills me now because we have run out of things to say, and that is an indicator that this has come to an end.

And with one lingering kiss on the cheek from you, we bid each other goodbye, and you walked out of the coffee shop, carrying the box I have prepared, effectively, walking out of my life.

That was the day where it all started. How ironic that your presence has left me yet that was the day I’d be forever haunted by the ghost of you and you will be permanently settling in my heart where there is a hotel suite specifically made for you.

So I went back to my old ways to bury it all. To bury everything. I embraced despair.

I have a tour. We were supposed to do the last leg of the tour and I cannot do it. I cannot pretend that I am one song away from crumbling and breaking down on stage. I cannot act around my bandmates that you were just a momentary fling and I was not affected by our separation. I cannot sing without dedicating every show to you. I’m well aware I have made a lot of songs about you. May it be not the typical love song, but every song that is now on the setlist, there’s a memory I have attached it with you. You dancing to ‘The View From The Afternoon’, you doing air guitar riffs to ‘R U Mine’, you rocking it with me to ‘Body Paint’, you tearing up and pointing at me back to ‘Suck It and See’, and I could honestly go on to my whole discography.

Because I may have made the other songs about other people, but ever since you came to my life, all of my songs have been crafted and made for me to only think about you.

So I covered my wounds to get through this last leg of the tour. I might be the living embodiment of ‘Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll’ plus the booze.

What am I now? Certainly, someone I don’t want to be around.

It's so hard for me to understand

With just this prayer, please let it go, because everywhere

I look, your face is what I see

It’s torture, but maybe I like pain that’s why I let it happen or maybe I deserve to be tormented and be in anguish.

It’s been months.

A successful tour and party and drugs every night. I’m such a lucky man. So what I don’t understand is why do I feel numb? Why do I feel irritated whenever I see couples who are publicly displaying their love to one another? Why do I fuck girls with their face down on the pillow because I can’t bear to see their faces? Why don’t I like the thought of kissing another person on the lips?

Why have I stopped having sex one night because I started to imagine it was you who I’m fucking with and I felt like I was cheating on you?

Why do I prefer going back now as soon as I can to my hotel room alone after a show where I know you will be there with me and visiting me with your shadow?

Why have I started praying at night?

At night I do not even know what I’m praying for. Do I want you gone? Do I want you to stay? Do I pray you will be erased in my memory, because I know there’s no way I’ll be able to live a life in this world without you being mine? Do I wish the universe to align or some sort of miracle to happen for you to fall right back into my arms?

It’s been a year.

What have I been praying for every time I see your beautiful face?

No matter where I go, your shadow clings to my hand

I am slowly being buried alive

I need to get out.

Go out? Get out? I just need to be outside. I must have been on my bed for hours now, because the sun is starting to set by now. I need to stop rotting in this bed, because I feel like I am slowly being buried alive the longer I lay motionless on top of this duvet cover.

These duvet covers you specifically picked.

I went to the bathroom and placed the shower at the max setting, making the water heavily pour down from the shower head and it drowns your giggles effectively my ears are picking up.

I quickly made my shower routine as this time, I feel physically drowning the longer I stand in under the pouring water. It feels so hard to breathe… maybe it was the water or maybe because of the chamomile scent from the body wash that you have chosen for us before.

Yes, I kept buying back the same body wash that you love.

Right now, it smells like you are here in the room. I can smell you on my skin.

You are here. Your shadow darkens where I am standing right now.

Wait, aren’t you really here?

I pat myself with a towel and sigh heavily as I leave the bathroom, the cold air hitting my damp body, consequently making me shiver in response. I hurriedly dressed myself and proceeded to dry my hair. It is getting long now, longer than I have ever had in my life, and maybe I should cut it off? Or maybe I should go bald.

Or maybe I should let you decide?

How would you like my hair styled, baby?

I grabbed my wallet and keys and proceeded to wear my boots, stumbling in the process. I head for the front door and as I open it, I finally exhale a breath I was not aware I was holding in as the fresh air from the outside greets me in the face. The sun has finally set, the surroundings are starting to darken with only traces of a bit of sunlight seeping from the sky. The moon is present, it’s a full moon, effectively shining and making its presence known for tonight.

I start to make my way to the familiar pathway that would lead me to a familiar establishment. I keep my head down and carefully walk so as to not trip on my own feet.

“Alex, dear!”

The familiar soft voice of the coffee shop owner greets me as soon as I enter your favourite coffee shop, and where I have last seen you.

“Hey Barbara,” I put on a smile, something you would have given to this old woman whom you have loved dearly.

“How are you feeling? You good?” She asks as always.

No. I feel worse than yesterday, Barbara.

“Good. Getting better, getting there,” I lie, widening my smile to cover up the deception.

She seems to buy it as she reciprocated the mile and proceeded to make me my usual order. Tea and some croissant, my usual meal before getting blackout drunk.

I truly wish it wasn't torture to go about my day, because everywhere I go, I swear, I still see your face.

Like right now.

My eyes widen at the figure sitting at the back of the shop, I swear it’s you. My heart jumped at my throat as my legs were moving on its own without my brain’s permission, and I swear…

Oh my, it’s you? You are wearing my favourite brown Celine leather jacket, the jacket that you kept of mine and that I gladly gave you, because everything I have and own is all yours.

I am completely yours.

My feet stopped in front of the figure and the figure looked up.

Oh, it’s not you. They were eyes I didn't recognise.

How could I have mistaken you for another person once again?

Am I going insane? Am I forgetting about you? Am I losing it?

“Sorry,” I apologise and sheepishly smile, turning my back and hurriedly going back to the counter where my order is now waiting for me.

I swear that I saw you there.

I looked up at the moon as I sip my tea while my legs absentmindedly made its way to the pub, where I spent most of my nights now. I cannot help but wonder if this is how my life will be forever?

I threw my cup on the rubbish bin and lit a cigarette before going inside.

You loved me smoking.

“Give me a shotgun kiss, Al!”

I looked over my shoulder to look at the source of the voice, the sound of you.

And there you are, in your white baby doll dress and knee socks, pointing at your lips mischievously.

I blinked a couple of times and shook my head to ascertain if I’m dreaming. I rubbed my eyes and soon, you are gone.

“Fuck,” I muttered to myself. I finally went inside the pub to ground myself on reality.

Shots after shots as appetisers. Glass after glass as the main course meal. I cannot believe I’m getting cheap drunk from these bottles at the corner pub, a few meters away from the flat.

How did holding your hand turn to holding an empty cup?

The drinks are not doing it for me. I need something stronger. Something that will make me forget about you even for one night.

The question is, do I even want to forget about you even for just a couple of hours?

No, I want to see you just for tonight. Please, baby. Come back to me.

I let my forehead hit the marble countertop of the bar and close my eyes as the noises in my head do not quieten even with all the drinks I have consumed for tonight. If anything, the noise seems to be amplified. I clutch the glass on my hand and press it on my temple, the coolness soothing it lightly.

Maybe it’s time to go home?

I open my eyes and finally lift my head and pay the bartender. At this point, he knows me well enough not to talk to me and just gives me that sympathetic look as he serves me drinks after drinks.

As he swipes my card, I twist my body so now I am facing the crowd and suddenly, my heart starts to race. The hair on my arms starts to raise and seems like the butterflies on my stomach have been set free from its cage, a feeling I usually get before going on stage.

Or whenever I’m with you.

And there you are.

There seems to be a spotlight focused on you as you walk in the room. Every head is turned to you, in awe and admiration that you are gracing us with your presence. You walk effortlessly and throw your head back in soft laughter about the person beside you who has whispered in your ear. Those lips of yours are etched into the biggest smile that would always make my heart flutter and how I would make it my mission to have that happiness painted on your lips every day and vowed to myself to do it for the rest of my life. My body still remembers and knows how to react whenever you are near me.

Have I hit my head too hard?

However the warm feeling that blossomed in my heart is substituted with hot flashes of anger and jealousy as I notice the guy beside you, his arm wrapped around your waist and keeps tugging you on his side, and that made me scowl in dissatisfaction.

Because that should be me. It should be you and me. It should be us who walked in together in this pub for everyone to know that we are together.

And just like before, you always know how I feel. Even the slightest change in my mood, you would know. I never outwardly show my emotions, but you, you always get me.

Because I just met your eyes from across the room for the first time in real life. Those eyes that held me captive, but I have surrendered to be yours completely willingly. Those eyes that have seen me at my best and worst moments, yet never judge me even for one instance. Those eyes that would bring peace and calm in my heart that a storm was previously brewing and waging to happen. Those eyes that cried a river because of my doing yet fought to be with me.

That last thought made me frown in embarrassment. How dare I look at you? I have no right to ever even breathe near you, because I was the one who broke it off. I was the one who broke your heart that in turn I have broken my promise to myself that I will never ever hurt you intentionally. I was the one to tell myself that I did it because you deserve someone else who is far better than me and what I can give you.

However, I cannot take my gaze off of you, because you are finally here in front of me. How have I longed for a moment like this to happen again?

I bite my lip to feel pain and to ground myself once more but this time, I ground myself to sanity, and as I start to break our stare from each other…

You smiled.

Baby, you smiled at me.

And I must be dreaming, this cannot be real. Moreover, it can’t be real that you are making your way over where I am at.

“Alex? It’s been so long!”

I watch as you excitedly jump in front of me, reaching out to touch my shoulder, and your touch brought me back to reality and made me realise I am indeed not dreaming and you are truly right in front of me.

Finally.

“Hey love,” I croak out, cheeks instantly warming up. I could not help my lips from smiling widely and to breathe a sigh of relief from the warmth and familiarity that you bring to me.

You start to open your arms and pull me in for a hug. Arms around my shoulder, and I could not help but instinctively wrap my arms on your waist, rest my cheek on your shoulders, and just like before, everything fits perfectly.

Right now, it’s us and nothing else. In a third person’s point of view, it’s just a guy and a girl, turnеd strangers, nothing more. For me, I see us as just a guy and a girl standing in front of each other, and a couple strangers in this room.

And baby, It's still you, it's still me, everything's just like before.

“How have you been? I missed you!” Your eyes lit up as you scan my face, as if memorising me once again.

I could tell you the truth and everything that has happened to me, but that would be unfair on you. So instead…

“Doing great, love. Just finished the tour and now just having some time off before heading back to the studio,” I answer.

You know it was a lie because you always can call on my bluff, but you accepted my response and pretended that was the truth.

Or maybe you do not know me at all anymore the way you used to?

I shake the creeping negative feelings starting to make their way out of my system and instead focus on you.

“How about you? I haven’t seen you here for a long time. Tell me, what have you been doing, love?”

And just like before, you proceeded with your animated story telling. I love it. I enjoy it. I longed for this. I love how your eyes light up at every happy moment and widen at important key facts, the way your soft hands come into action to support your narration, your inviting lips stretching to enunciate every word for my ears to listen beautifully.

You’re talking to me right now, and as you continue to talk, catching me up on what has happened in your life, there is this demon in my ear creeping and whispering, making me get the feeling that you will never need me again.

That probably is true, and probably for the best.

Suddenly a figure appears behind, situating himself just right beside you, where I should be.

You stop with your chatter and turn to give the person beside you that ‘look of love’, our friends always tell me how you used to stare at me before. You introduced him to me and this guy had the audacity… to smile? Not a sarcastic nor arrogant smile, but a genuine and kind smile, offering his hand for me to shake that it would make me look like a jerk not to take.

“Big fan of yours man! Since the debut album!”

It would be better if he is a dickhead, but God, he may be the nicest man I have ever met.

“Need you back at our table, baby. We’re about to sing Carolina a happy birthday,” he informs you, smiling sheepishly at me for interrupting our moment of conversation.

Yes, be sorry. Not because you interrupted us, but because you called her ‘baby.’

I should be the only one who should be calling you that, baby.

“I’ll be there in a moment,” you softly reply to your fiancé. He gives you a peck on your cheek before giving me a pat on the shoulder and finally returning from where he even came from.

“You look happy. I’m happy for you two. Congratulations on your engagement,” I swallow the bile that has risen at the back of my throat and plastered the biggest grin I could muster to hide the lie I just uttered.

I want you to be happy, but with me, not him.

Your lips widen into a smile at my words, accepting those words like a genuine compliment. We fell into a comfortable silence despite the loud chatter of the people in this bar. You are gazing at me and I cannot for the life of me remember the last time you used to stare at me like this. I took this time to scan your face, every detail, every freckle, every curve, every colour. Every part of your face, memorising you and having the image of you burn in my brain permanently. Every detail that has changed ever since you walked out of our favourite coffee shop a long time ago.

God, it’s still you.

It’s still me.

But it’s not us anymore.

“Thank you, Al. It means a lot to me, especially coming from you,” you touch my arm, keeping it there. The warmth of your touch starts to seep in through the fabric of my shirt, burning me in a good way. Your hand moves from where it is resting and starts to rise, at the same time walking a step forward and closing the distance between us, and resting your hand on my cheek. You tiptoed to reach my height, like you always do before, and I watched you as I stood here frozen, bringing your lips at the shell of my ear. Hot breath fans my ear as I feel your mouth presses on it delicately, as if you are about to tell me your deepest intimate secret.

“You know my number, Al. Call me whenever, alright?”

And as quickly as I have felt your warmth filling up my body, how fast was it as well the burn was replaced with the gritting cold as you step back, increasing our distance. Our eyes have met and I do not want to look at anything else other than what is in front of me. I nod at your request, wanting it to be a command for me to fulfil. Your hand leaves my cheek, rising further to tuck a strand of my long hair out of my face, behind my ear, then it goes back to cup my cheek once more, your thumb rubbing it for a second, and all of this without our eyes being disconnected to one another.

You start to nod and we both know it was a bid of farewell.

You should stay.

But you didn’t.

Or did you?

You finally turn your back and proceed to walk back to your table. Oh, everyone was staring at us. As they should be. However, instead of him giving me a death glare, what I might be hoping for, he gives me a smile from the distance, and welcomes you back to your group, finally joining in and starting to sing the birthday tune to your friend.

I break my focus on what is happening in your area and shift it to my surroundings.

It’s the same faces. It’s the same place. Baby, the only thing that changed is… you still feel like mine but, I'm not yours. Even if I want to, even if I keep telling the whole world I’m yours…

But, it's not us anymore

It’s time to truly go home.

I walk out of the bar, not daring to turn my back just to catch a glimpse of you, because if I do, I don’t know what I would have done just to make you stay with me.

The long way back home, no, not a home anymore, back to the apartment is an arduous journey. I don’t know why it is, maybe it’s because every step I take further away from you, my body is literally resisting and my mind is against me leaving you.

Flashes of moments of you start to play in my mind from tonight, every single detail seems to be saved in my brain from our one encounter. Just one encounter. The only real encounter I had with you since that one afternoon where I gave back your box full of your belongings.

Hot tears start to cloud my eyes as my fingers shake, not being able to open the door. I grit my teeth in frustration and bang my fist at the front door of my apartment, the apartment that we do not share anymore. I start to calm myself down and slowly unlock it, finally succeeding. I closed it shut and rested my back on it, tears now streaming down freely on my cheeks. I proceed to remove my boots and walk towards the bedroom, stripping off my clothes in the process and leaving myself down to boxers only before reaching my room. I opened the room and met with the familiar sight of my messy bedroom, just how I left it a couple of hours ago, but what has only changed this time is I can feel you even stronger this time with me.

I hurriedly shut the window and pulled the black out blinds so that no trace of light would even dare to seep in the room. I turned off all the lights before I blindly made my way to bed, putting myself under the thick duvet, as if hiding myself away from the world.

But then there’s you.

I can't be freed

You visit me every night

And so it begins.

Carousel of memories starts to play before my eyes, as if someone pressed the play button and the roll of films starts to project right in front of me.

The first time I ever laid my eyes on you.

The first date.

The first birthday of yours we celebrated.

The first time you went to my show.

The first fight over time zones.

The first anniversary.

Second anniversary.

Third anniversary.

Fourth anniversary.

The last time I saw you before I embarked on tour and you went backpacking.

The time I confessed and the guilt I had when I saw you that night.

Your face as you cry.

The sound of your heart breaking as I end it.

The smile you left at the coffee shop.

And tonight with the way you look so happy, so alive, so in love.

Not with me, but with another man.

No, stop. Stop it, Alex…

I can't see anything

But I can still feel your touch in the dark

I can feel you. All of you. Your heart beating as you press your front on my chest, the way your warm breath fans my neck just right, your soft cheeks resting on my shoulder. The way you play with my hair results in some electricity shooting up my body.

The way you touch my skin right now raises goosebumps on its trail as it glides on my body. The way your soft palm descends and makes its way from my chest down to my abdomen, subsequently playing with my belly before dipping down further to play with my happy trail. The way you rub oh so soothingly and so familiar, stirring something deep in my loins, being translated into something pathetically, as I feel my dick coming alive.

God, no. No, no, enough!

What is happening? Sleep, Alex.

Sleep. Close your eyes, maybe it will work.

No longer dreaming

Can't even wake up

I thought I could get away with you when I close my eyes, but God, you haunt me even more so.

It was the morning after. The way all of the blood on my body seems to have left and all I am is a cold corpse as my heart stopped beating simultaneously. I did not realise the way I had stopped breathing as my hand shakily removed the hair covering the face of the person I had found beside me the moment I woke up.

I know it’s not you. I know you like the back of my hand, baby. The way you sleep, how you feel, how you look as the sunlight slips in between the blinds and shines on you perfectly, how my heart would come alive with just one look at you in the morning.

And right now, all I feel is dread and coldness. The feeling multiplied when I confirmed that the face does not belong to you.

Oh my God. What have I done?

I swallowed dryly as my brain further made me realise not only was it bad enough there is a stranger’s face on my bed, but the fact as to how it came to this position.

I had sex with her.

And I imagined it was you last night.

How could I do that to you?

How dare you, Alexander.

The guilt followed me for days. The way it became routinary as I perform every night on stage when all I want is to finish this God damn leg of tour and see you and confess everything and beg for your forgiveness.

Every ticking second, the guilt becomes heavier and heavier that it is physically weighing me down.

And finally, I went home. Our home. Where our field of dreams have been planted and grown.

“It can’t be that bad, Alex.” You giggled as I stood frozen in front of you, feet cemented on the ground. I looked at you and you knew it was serious, but showing none of that and still trying to calm me down.

“I’m sorry.”

Was the first thing that came out of my mouth, and your face morphs into confusion, eyes blinking up at me innocently and I could not further keep it inside me as the dam I have built inside of me that carries all the guilt I have had since that morning after breaks open and there’s nothing left to be done but let it flow freely, drowning me and you in the first place.

You cried. I cried. We wailed, but mine seems to be louder. I could still remember the way the light on your eyes leaving and being replaced with dark and emptiness. The way I have extinguished the look of love reflecting on your eyes, the fire of your love that keeps me grounded and alive.

But you were trying. You were trying to hold both of us together as we fell apart and keep ourselves from being on the brink of tripping down the chasm. The way your face turns into understanding, into accepting. The way the love you have for me starts to bloom full once again as you are preparing to surrender, the way you kiss all of my sorrows away, and, and…

Your face is something I would never forget and would haunt me forever.

You look so broken yet still angelic beautifully. Tears won’t stop flowing freely from your cheeks, but your mouth is painted into a reassuring smile, making me feel that everything will be alright, as you peck my cheeks, as much as the tears fall from my own.

It hurts to see you this way, and that I am the cause of it.

I didn’t realise I’m no longer dreaming and the tears I was revisiting from that night are happening in real time. Hot tears flowing continuously down my face, seems like acid as it painfully burns as it trickles down the pillow I have buried my face into. I burrow my face further in the pillow, suffocating myself in turn as I heave a breath at the same time, contradicting the two actions. The carousel of memories starts to replay, faster this time. Each memory is a stab on the chest, over and over again.

Over and over and over again. The tears. The pain. The guilt. The love. The laughter. The hardships. The guilt again. The stranger. The guilt again. The pain again. The pain all over again. The pain over and over again electrocuting my body right now and having me shake like a pathetic little boy in his bed and I cannot… I can’t do this anymore.

Hot tears are literally burning my cheeks, and my nose is clogged from sobbing so hard that I did not realise I was crying heavily in the first place and clutching on my pillow for dear life.

Just like any other night.

But this time, it’s worse. The worst. This might be the worst breakdown I have ever had since that night I have broken up with you.

I can’t… I can’t breathe, please.

Please what?

Turn on the light

I'm haunted by my feelings

Of my feelings

“Open the lights please, please, please,” I say out loud, not even realising that I am speaking to myself.

I hurriedly strip off the duvet that is trapping down my body and jump out of the bed. I blindly make my way to the light switch, tripping down on every object that lays haphazardly on the floor. The bright lights made me groan as it hit my eyes, making my way now to my dresser where I am face to face with the mirror.

This might be the first time I have stopped to look at my own reflection. First thing that stared right back at me was my bloodshot eyes, dark bags of circles underneath them. My long greasy hair that stops at my shoulder is framing my head and covering my pale as a ghost face. My beard has gotten longer than I have ever had before, hairs poking at my dry-cracked lips. Cheeks are sporting a natural blush and stained with tears, and my nose is red from, same way it would be from the snow, but it’s from sniffing and trying to breathe through my clogged nose.

Bloody hell, this is what I looked like earlier this evening? This is how you have seen me, darling?

God, what a pathetic old sad man.

In one swift motion, I swing my arm and sweep all the contents placed on the top of my drawer. Several items clash and fall through the ground, glass bottles breaking from the action. I bang my fist on the wooden closet, screaming not in agony of the punch, but from the emotional anguish I have set myself for tonight. The physical pain feels lighter than the heavy suffering I am feeling inside of me.

And there you are with me right now.

Standing in front of me, wearing the red dress you wore on our first date. Your hair is falling effortlessly on your back, hands on your hips as you giggle shyly at me. Your eyes hold me captive, as you gravitate towards me, closing our distance and I could almost feel you, your warmth in front of me.

“So where are you taking me out for the night, rockstar?”

I open my mouth to respond, but you start to fade… everything starts to get blurry and hazy and you are suddenly not in front of me.

“What? No, no! Baby, come back!” I reach out to where you were standing and fall to my knees. I look up and there you are once again, but it was the night I confessed everything to you.

You are staring down at me, with your distraught face.

“Why? Al? How— how can you do this?”

“I’m sorry, please forgive me, baby. I-I’m sorry please I do-don’t know I’m sorry. I’m sorry p-please forgive me baby, take me back. I am so-sorry,” I stammer out, saying apologies like a broken prayer.

“You have broken my heart, Alex.”

I whimper out a while, clutching the carpet floor as the pain throbs inside me, seemingly pinching me from head to toe. I gasp for air, heave for a breath, and collect myself as I stand up and go back to the mirror, grounding myself to reality. I am once again having trouble reminding myself that this isn’t real and this is just all in my head.

Or is it, Alex?

“Please stop,” I beg out loud, covering my face with my hands and rubbing my eyes harshly as white spots start to dance around my vision.

Are you not going to leave me?

Isn't this enough torture for me? (My feelings)

MERCY.

I continue to stare at the mirror but instead of my own reflection, I am met by your eyes.

It was you who was staring right back at me and all I could do was cry.

“Are you not going to leave me…” I plead to particularly no one in the room, but at the reflection of my eyes in front of me.

But I know I am imploring it to you.

Your eyes seem to be mocking me right now, and all I could do is to hit my palm against the mirror, slightly breaking a part of it. Small shards of glasses impaling my wrist and blood starts to flow from the site.

“Please” I sob pathetically.

I don’t know what I am even begging for. Please. Please what? Please get out of my head? Please never leave me? Please come back to me?

Mercy, please?

Can I ever be at peace?

Can I ever be at peace?

I hate you.

I love you.

“I hate that I love you,” I croak out dryly, wincing at the pain from saying the words out loud. The pain of my sand dry throat begging to be hydrated, making me reach out the unfinished bottle of whiskey on the floor.

Your voice starts to echo in the room. Your laughter bouncing off the walls. Your cries haunt me even when the lights are on.

I scream out loud, a hand gripping my hair tightly, before facing the doorway and absentmindedly throwing the bottle of whiskey I am holding in the direction of where I have seen the last shadow of you.

“MERCY, PLEASE!” I grit out my teeth harshly, pacing the room like a madman.

You were gone when I threw the bottle, because I would never ever even attempt to throw something at you even if it is just the ghost of you.

But now, you are here once again. Staring disappointedly at me. I could not bear seeing your disappointed look at me so I pinched my eyes shut and turned around to face the dresser back again.

“Mercy. Mercy. Mercy. Mercy. Mercy,” I repeat the word as if it would work like wonders instantly.

I could feel the urge, signifying I am close to the final moments of my breakdown. As this happens every single night, I have already memorised all the stages I go through. The urge is the last step I need to fight through, before I know I will fall into deep sleep from the physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion I just survived.

The final stage is the urge to call you.

I have always successfully not pressed the dial button on my phone sitting beside your number and called you. I have memorised your phone number from constantly looking at it every single night on the little cracked screen of my mobile phone that the numbers have been carved on my brain already.

But tonight is different. Different from most of the night. The best night I have had since I don't even remember when, because I have seen you for real, but simultaneously being also the worst night of them all.

I need to call you. You are the only one who can save me.

You are the only one I need. You are the only one I want. You are the only one that will keep me alive.

How can you look at me earlier as if we are back to being friends and pretend we have not shared a bed? How can I live a life knowing that one day there will be children of another man that will have your eyes, the eyes of the girl I have fallen in love with and will not ever forget even in the afterlife.

You are in it for me. You are my heaven. You are my forever. You are my eternity.

Even when I die, you are who I will reach and long for. You will always be who I will go back to as I become reincarnated.

Most especially, you are my peace.

I remember what you said earlier. My body starts to move around the room, my hands begin to blindly search for my phone.

When you call, this will be a never ending cycle, Alex.

But you… you are my peace.

Fuck it, I am tired of this. I am tired of telling myself I am doing this for you, that you deserve someone better, that what you need is someone not me, because baby…

You are made for me. I am made for you.

“Hey” I swallowed away the negative thoughts and finally caved in. All of the thoughts in my mind have suddenly disappeared, all the red warning blaring signs have been turned off.

It’s you.

“Finally, Alex. I have been waiting for you to call.”

And maybe… maybe everything will be alright.

Or maybe, he is just hallucinating or imagining the ghost of you.

Hello you!

So this one was inspired by 3 songs, but the main one is called ‘Multo by Cup of Joe.’ I translated it in English as it’s in another language and the bold italics on this one are the translated lyrics from the said song. I have been obsessed with this song when I saw the edits on Tiktok (yes, I’m not only down bad for Alex Turner, but also down bad using the Tiktok app) and when I learnt about the lyrics, I just can’t seem to get it out of my head until I made this, together with the 2 other songs, which is ‘Falling by Harry Styles’ and ‘Not Us Anymore’ by Bradley Simpson (you should go and give these songs a listen! What a tune).

If you have any comments or suggestions, feel free to tap me! I have a free month and aiming to write as much as I could! :)

If you are reading far enough on this, honestly, I’m grateful someone is reading a creation of my imagination.

[littlemissthunderstorms]

warp speed chic pt.1

“the shining city on the fritz”

a tranquility base hotel and casino alternate universe.

———

you were in awe.

warm, glimmering lights hung down from the ceiling, the soft glittering reflections painting the walls like a mirrorball. smooth jazz filled the reception area, muddled by various chitter chatter and conversations. the whole atmosphere was warm and welcoming, but you couldn’t help the shiver than ran down your spine when you caught a glance out of one of the big windows, vast space scattered with stars and nebulas stretching on and on above the spectacular intergalactic city lights.

you caught yourself staring, jaw agape.

“can i help you miss?” a man with a sleek suit holding a clipboard looked up at you through his thick rimmed glasses, waiting for an answer. “oh- um, yes! i’m actually supposed to meet um..” you glanced at your card, “alex turner?” the man raised his eyebrows. “mr. turner you say?”

you nodded, not really aware of his importance, or if he had any at all. you just knew you were supposed to meet with him first thing. the man glanced down at his clipboard, shaking his head and scurrying over to the phone at the desk, where he fumbled with the buttons, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose while he waited for someone to pick up.

you clacked your nails on the desk, looking around as you waited, still breath taken by the gorgeous architecture, the way design flowed so beautifully throughout the space. “good evening mr. turner! sorry to trouble you sir, i’ve got someone who’s apparently supposed to be meeting- oh! great, i’ll send her right up. thank you- you too sir.”

you smiled at the man, nervously biting your lip. another dude in a sleek suit came up to the desk, annoyed. “jeremy, i’m the phone guy. what are you doing?” the man with the thick glasses, presumably named jeremy, rolled his eyes. “mark, i don’t want to hear it. go take this young ladies luggage up to her room,” he snapped back, quickly clacking away on his keyboard. “room 505.” mark scoffed, mustering a fake smile for you as he took your luggage and scurried away.

“sorry about him. he’s got a knack for directing calls... anyway, mr. turner’s been expecting you, follow me.” you smile and nod awkwardly, following him as he treks down a long, red carpeted hallway.

———

turns out, it’s a little frightening riding the elevator up to the top floor. you’ve never been too afraid of heights, but this elevator is a round tube of pure glass, giving you a chill inducing view of all the buildings as the lift rises, just getting higher and higher, the tops of the neon buildings getting lower and lower.

it was frightening for sure, but interesting nonetheless. the booming metro city outside was a design of neon lights and intricate architecture. surely there were many lives and different storylines sprawling and networking throughout the city, as there was everywhere but it seemed so much more captivating on the moon. you wondered what it was like to live here.

once the elevator reached the peak of the building, dinging as the doors slid open, you happily slid out into the hallway. “go straight down the hall, through that big door. that’s his office.” you nodded, a little intimidated now. “thank you sir.” he smiled. “have a wonderful evening miss.”

and with that he was gone, the elevator dinging once more as it closed, followed by the low hum of the lift descending back down, leaving you on your own. the top floor was eerily quiet, the lights dim. you took a deep breath before walking towards the huge door at the end of the hall, noticing the shiny gold plaque in the middle that read alexander turner, founder of tranquility base hotel & casino.

great. you were set to be talking to the goddamn owner of this place. you seemed very mentally unprepared, all you knew is that you would be working on designing the new wing that was just built, along with a team of designers. of course you were qualified for the job, and it was an honor to design for a place this spectacular, you were just a bit intimidated.

you quickly fluffed up your hair and smoothed down your shirt before knocking, your stomach knotting up. a muffled shuffling sound followed by a few heavy footsteps were heard from behind the door before it swung open.

the man that greeted you on the other side was quite striking. you didn’t quite know who you were expecting, but he was much younger than you imagined, probably no more of an age gap of 3 years between you and him, you assumed. the man wore a crisp, perfectly tailored navy blue suit, the cream button up below equally sleek. his dark hair was slicked back, his vampire-esque hairline on display.

“hello, it’s lovely to have you, i’m alex,” he shook your hand and you smiled, trying not to show your nerves as you introduced yourself. “come, have a seat,” he moved your chair out from under the desk, sitting in his own across from you after you’d sat down.

his office was a bit of a contrast from the rest of the establishment. instead of sleek, polished furniture and vast space, the room inhabited more of a homey, lived in essence. you could tell he’d actually done work here. mahogany bookcases lined the whole wall behind his desk, sprawling with books and journals. various paintings scattered the walls, an occasional sticky note or reminder stuck to a golden frame. instead of overhead lighting, vintage lamps scattered the room, basking the space in a comforting warmth that soothed your nerves.

he ran a hand through his gelled hair, fidgeting with the fold of his sleeves. “we’re really excited to have you here. i’ve got to say, i’m a big fan of your work.” this comment surprised you. “thank you, it’s an honor, really.” you smiled, your cheeks starting to hurt. “i just wanted to see you so i could get you all set up. just before you arrived, i emailed you everything you need to know, so um- just be sure to go over that.”

you nodded attentively. “tomorrow you’ll have a meeting with the other designers in the conference hall, which shouldn’t be tricky to find, there’s a map of the place attached to the email as well,” the man rambled on a bit, telling you a bit about the place, sometimes starting sentences just to never finish them, getting lost in his own thoughts.

you liked the way he spoke, his accent, the dreamlike quality his tone held. “any questions?” he chimed after telling you about the library. you shook your head. you had a lot of questions for him, so many you couldn’t even pick, and plus, you didn’t want to worry him anymore, so you saved those questions for another time, storing them in your mind as if they were books on his shelves. alex sat up, smoothing a hand over his blazer.

“well then, i’ll walk you to your room,” he smiled. “oh, that’s alright it’s no worry,” you stood up. surely he was busy, you didn’t want to bother him. he tilted his head. “do you know where it is?” you were silent for a moment, thinking of the plethora of hallways this place had, your chance of finding the suite on your own was small. “no…” you shook your head, smiling awkwardly.

———

“here you are, room 505,” he smiled, holding out a keycard for you. the walk to the suite area had been silent for the most part. the hotel was starting to quiet down since it was getting late. every so often he’d look back and give you a gentle smile before turning back, his heeled boots clacking against the sleek wood flooring. he was so intriguing to you, unlike anyone you’d ever met. you wouldn’t be surprised if he melted into the shadows, seeping away into darkness, like some sort of creature. you couldn’t explain it.

“thank you, mr. turner,” you smiled, grabbing the keycard. “it’s no problem, and call me alex,” he added, stepping away slightly as he realized he might’ve been a bit too close for comfort. “it was nice to meet you, alex.” he grinned. “it’s been a pleasure, have a wonderful night.”

as his footsteps faded off into the darkness, you held your keycard up to the scanner, eyes widening when the door clicked and swung open.

the place was stunning. a large, circular bed sat in the middle of the room, adorned in plush maroon and silky red pillows, with a matching maroon comforter. a white sheer lace bed curtain was tied to each of the four wooden posts, making a gorgeous canopy. the room was tasteful, soft, consisting of intricately designed carpets, sleek 70’s style furniture, and a plasma tv that slid down from the ceiling with a click of a button.

you almost squealed at the sight of the bathroom. the rooms porcelain tiles were pink and cream, matching with the patchwork carpet that sat in front of the clawfoot tub, which was filled with expensive soaps. you opened another sliding door to find a nearly empty walk-in closet, a cherry red silk robe hung on one of the racks, a matching pair of slippers below.

once you were snug in bed, practically melting into the mattress, being engulfed by the soft pillows, your eyes began to feel heavy. you slowly turned your head over to the exterior wall, sleepily gazing out of the large window. most of the city lights were off now, leaving only the inky black void of stars to lull you to sleep.

———

stepping into the conference room, you felt a little underdressed in your button down and slacks. there were about six other designers, all clad in an array of vibrancy. shiny space-age metallic tops, dynamic head scarfs, eccentric glasses. they all looked like they were set to walk a runway show, clearly you missed the memo.

you were a teensy bit late, thanks to the warm, soft bed that didn’t fail to keep you asleep through your alarm. you gave an awkward smile when they all turned to look at you, the door slamming a little too loud. you flushed, quickly setting your laptop and purse down as you pushed yourself into the seat across from alex, who gave you a gentle smile.

settling in, you looked up at the designer who was giving a presentation on his ideas for the new stargazing room. you fought to not scrunch your nose. white curtains? white furniture? white walls with gold detailing? it was cute, maybe for a suburban mom but it didn’t match the energy of the hotel whatsoever.

once it was your turn to present ideas, you couldn’t help but feel a little nervous. some of the other designers had okay ideas, but some were also good, and although you loved your plan, these people seemed intimidating.

for the stargazing area, you’d envisioned a more cozy, dreamlike room. the furniture and carpeting would be warm toned, various soft lamps and fairy lights scattered across the room. while you were walking everyone through your presentation, your nerves seemed to ease. when you turned back around to sit down, everyone was quiet, unreadable. great.

after each presentation was done, it was time to discuss. everyones attention redirected to alex. being the owner, he got a big say in the final decision. your heart raced once you heard him murmur your name. “i liked yours. we’ll go with that,” he concluded. “meeting over, see you guys tomorrow.”

your jaw was agape. no discussion, no nothing, he chose yours immediately. the other designers didn’t take it well either, mumbling and grumbling a bit as they gathered their things and stumbled out of the conference room.

the following week, you were in the conference room once again. everyone was discussing plans for the day spa, and you found yourself falling quiet. someone had suggested sleek wood paneled walls, which alex had liked. others had suggested fluorescent lighting installments, to which alex said no. you sat there, observing until alex turned to you. “what about you? any ideas?”

your cheeks flushed a bit. “i was thinking dim, hanging lights, a bunch of different kinds, all warm toned, it makes it more calming.” he fiddled with his pen, nodding and scribbling something down. “i like that.”

a designer across the table from you rolled his eyes subtly. you shrunk in your seat, feeling gross. you didn’t want to be known as some sort of suck up. you couldn’t help the way alex singled you out, agreeing with all your ideas.

nevertheless, it didn’t stop. you’d suggest paintings for the wall, he would agree, you’d bring up an interesting wallpaper, he’d find somewhere to put it, you’d point out curtains that complemented the room well, he’d nod approvingly and scribble it down on his notepad.

eventually, you learned to be quieter, trying to let the other designers have the spot light but sure enough, alex would ask you to share again, his eyes narrowing at you as he dismissed the annoyance that stifled the room.

every single time, you’d receive a subtle scoff or an eye roll from one of the other petty designers. you understood, it was annoying that they’d worked hard to get here and the majority of their ideas were being turned down, but still, were their egos just so fucking big that they couldn’t be at least a little happy for you?

———

the next morning, you found a loup mask outside your door. it was adorned in black satin and lace, small gold detailing outlining the eyes. underneath was a small, metallic gold envelope with an invitation inside.

you have been invited to the tranquility base masquerade party,

tonight, 7pm, @ the information action ratio, live music and free drinks.

so now here you were, clad in a black, lace dress, which mysteriously had showed up at your door later that morning, along with a stunning pair of gold earrings and a dainty necklace that matched the detailing on your mask. the black satin hugged you perfectly, making you wonder how they managed to nail your size and proportions.

chandeliers with bulbs of stars hung down in clusters, emitting a gentle glow. people danced and chatted, jazz flowing through the room from the band on the stage, the martini police. tons of different people wandered around, all masked and dressed in a variety of colors and textures.

letting your eyes linger, you spotted the group of designers all chatting at a booth. instead, you headed towards the bar, figuring they already hated you enough, why annoy them now. the bar was beautiful, lights lit up the whole structure, and as you ordered your martini, you couldn’t help but notice how good looking some of the bartenders were.

as you sipped your drink, you felt someone’s presence directly behind you, a little too close for comfort. you turned, trying to distinguish who was under the sparkly white cat mask. “so, are you fucking him or something?”

your eyebrows raised “huh?” the girl scoffed, and immediately you recognized her as one of the other designers. she had a model figure, super tall with platinum blonde hair, and a menacing scoff. she’d be a really good bully. “are you fucking alex? is that how you get him to pick all your ideas?”

you shook your head, cheeks flushed. “no. i have no idea why he favors me,” you stated, turning back to your drink when you felt a cold liquid down your back, making you gasp. you turned again, the blonde pretending to be shocked as she held her empty glass. “i’m so sorry! i’m so clumsy.”

you rolled your eyes, getting up and deciding you’d had enough. you just wanted to go back to your suite, shower and lay in bed. since you’d arrived, the crowd almost doubled in size. you fought your way through, bumping into a few shoulders as you tried not to step on dresses. a lady in a swan mask turned and bumped you, her feathery dress catching on your shoes. you lost balance, stumbling over your heels, about to fall onto another group of people when you felt strong hands on your waist, and in a whirlwind you were upright.

it was alex. he pulled you close to him and swept you away onto the dancefloor, his hand on your waist, a hand interlocked with yours. you almost didn’t recognize him at first. he wore a black masquerade mask, with dark shimmery sequins adorning the sides. his hair was fluffier, much unlike his usual slicked back look.

you looked up at him, noticing how your hand gripped his shoulder. he’d swept you away so swiftly, leaving you speechless. his dark eyes shimmered under the mask as he peered down at you, waiting for you to speak first. “i- i was just leaving,” you stuttered, hyperfixating on the way the spill made the wet satin stick to your skin. he made no remark, keeping his languid gaze, his mouth twisted into a subtle grin.

“there’s vodka all over my dress,” you added. alex shuffled, taking off his blazer and wrapping it around your shoulders. it didn’t help much, but you didn’t say anything. it was a nice gesture.

the mystery lingered in the back of your mind, you wanted to question him about his decisions to constantly favor you but his position of authority made you bite your tongue.

his position of authority. you noticed how many people were staring all of a sudden. you could sense it in his sharp suit, the expensive, musky cologne he wore. it was entrancing, he was quite entrancing himself, you couldn’t ignore it but you couldn’t do this. you didn’t want the taboo boss employee type of perception cast upon you and him. you wanted to be taken seriously. the other designers were already perceiving you as some sort of teachers pet. the thought instilled momentary nausea.

“alex, i’ve got to go,” you whispered. he looked down at you again. “i’ll walk you back.” you shook your head. “no, no thank you, i’ll manage.” you slipped out of his arms before handing him his blazer, maneuvering your way through the tight packed crowd, slipping around torsos and arms until you finally made it out into the secluded hallway.

you took a deep breath, the chatter, music, and clinking of glasses now muddled. the hall was dark, not counting the floor to ceiling window that casted a murky blue into the space. you pressed your hand up against the window. staring out, you still didn’t comprehend it all was real, convincing yourself that it was a dream, and dreams were merely fragments of space cut out and glued together, playing like a glitched out film reel in your sleep.

you snapped back to reality, the smell of vodka on your dress pungent. quickly, you headed back to your suite, heels clacking on the marble, loud in the silence.

———

hii! let me know what you think so far. sorry if this part is a little uneventful, i mostly wanted to set up the environment but trust, better things are coming.

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