#Thank you for asking tho :333 (and no you can't find out where I live lmao we drove for over an hour)

[danyvhell-writes]

vere hcs? preferably for a sub reader but it's fine either way!! thx a lot :P

General Vere headcanons (Touchstarved)

GN reader - no warnings | Thanks for the ask <333 Took me more time than I planned but here it is ! (Sorry for the wait lil anon, I was quite busy this month :') Writing about him was so fun, he's just so malicious and silly ?? Hope you'll like it hehe >:)

• Anything becomes a reason to tease you ! A little smile you gave him ? A blush ? Stammering even just a bit ? He will tease you to death if he can.

• He sees everything. Think you can hide something from him ? Ah, how naive of you. If something bothers you he will know, don't try to put on a mask. "Oh someone seems upset hm..." "No I'm not !" "I just said someone, why do you think you were targeted MC ? Care to explain yourself ?" he says with his devious little smile. You don't even need to speak, he reads you like an open book :').

• Not one to talk about his feelings openly but definitely makes you know when he appreciates your company ! It might be by taking you to private operas, going to fancy teahouse, gifting you little paintings he did, inviting you for shopping and more...

• Want to know how he truly feels ? Pay attention to his ears. They tell a lot more than he does, depending on how they twitch, their angle and much more... reading him becomes way easier.

• Would 100% write you letters. Casual letters where he just writes about his life, spicy letters where he describes in various ways how he would devour you... Whenever he needs to express something, he writes to you and doesn't even expect an answer ! You'll open your enveloppe and see "I can't believe Vanessa, this absolute rotten bitch, stole my silver ring ! Can you believe it MC ? I should rip her finger off with the ring and keep it so she remembers her wrong..."

• If he can get any reaction from you, it's a win. Loves to see how you'll respond to his flirty proposition, especially if you get flustered 👀

• You know this type of people who hit furnitures/stuff when they laugh ? Well Vere does it but with his tail, tell a funny joke and you can be sure you'll get hit (gently...or not) with it !

• Would be thrilled to analyze your sketchbook if you're an artist. Trying to hide it from him ? Not an option, you will show him everything ! I just know he'll sneak it to look through every pages, taking notes of striking elements and how your artstyle translates with different techniques.

→ Drawing sessions with him omg ! At first he'd joke about needing a live model and why not try nude modeling but at the end you guys end up super concentrated in your respective art piece. Definitely wouldn't mind becoming your muse tho...

↑ Adding into this but, he'd leave little notes and cute doodles when you're not looking. You just open your sketchbook and see next to your recent stuff "The lines are timid I know you can do better ;)"or "I was there..." or even "Draw me next time ! I'll be the best piece."

• The both of you together can easily become absolute menace to society. The cheer chaos you can cause is too much for this city ! If Kuras ever finds out about your malicious plans, he'll be disappointed.

• Will let you brush his hair and tail if you're good enough. "Mess with my hair and you know what awaits you !" Please convince him to try new hairstyles, make him even prettier than he already is >:)

• As much as he is an expensive fox, he'll enjoy homemade gifts. He won't show it too much but he keeps everything you've made for him at his place. Bonus point if it's decorative pieces ! (The thought of you taking time to put effort into something for him makes him smile more than he can admit).

• This man likes to cook so don't hesitate giving him recipes you like. Not sure he'll succeed preparing them but the effort is always well put ! If you're good in a kitchen, he'll find an excuse to cook/bake with you.

• Enjoys showing you around the city, especially secret places. He doesn't just share his secret spots with anyone so you can feel privileged !

→ Talking about spots he likes, he will take you to his favourite restaurants. You'd expect fancy, luxurious place but no ! Most of them are little family business owned by the same people since decades. The food is straight up heavenly and you let him know. "I've been around this city long enough to know the best places ! You shouldn't be surprised."

• Grows really protective of you. Of course he knows you can defend yourself, but if anyone dares to hurt you, they'll have to face lethal consequences. Anyone threatening you "Do you want me to break their kneecaps ? I can also hit their sciatic nerve if you wish ! Or maybe-" "Vere no."

• If you enjoy some good gossip, you're gonna be fed just right with this guy ! We know he knows everything, he's the ears of the city. Juicy drama to shocking revelation, he's got every type of story in stock ! All you gotta do is ask and the conversation will last for hours.

• If you're in his presence, forget about personal space. Your space is his now ! His body will always be in contact with yours, even if it's not noticeable at first.

• Makeover ? Yes. You will be his personal doll. If he has to test outfits, color combinations or other stuff you'll be his subject ! He'll try a lot of different clothes on you until you look like the hottest person alive (after him). Dressing you up is one of his favourite activities and of course you guys would wear matching outfits. You two are just ✨fashion✨.

• Don't know why but I feel like he would love playing board/card games, especially if they involve money ! Think you can win against him ? Nope no chance, bluffing is too easy for him and he's an absolute beast (pun intended). Just picture him playing 'loup-garou' (The werewolves of miller's hollow in english I think ? My french ass can't remember), I know he'd kill it !

• Has a very distinctive laugh. You could hear him from miles away and recognize him instantly ! Also it's kinda infectious, if he starts bursting out laughing, you'll easily follow into it.

• This man growls. Like literally. It doesn't happen a lot but whenever he does it always surprises you.

• This is him :

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

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1. Hello! This is my first time doing this but do you happen to know a mdzs fic where yzy is jgs consort and the jiang sibs are his children? I just remembered it now and can't find it. This is jiang family bashing I think. Thank you very much!

FOUND? Could this one be “OOC!” by A_flower_in_the_snow that was reuploaded on Wattpad

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2. hello mods!! i am trying to find a fic that i know has been asked for before but i can't find any of those posts. dragon!wwx was courting lwj in both human and dragon form, lwj didn't realize they were the same and rejected human!wwx which wwx took as a rejection of both sides, and there was something about meddling elders. but wwx held onto a one-sided dragon bond so he knew when CR was attacked and flew there to protect it and got severely injured. please help!!

FOUND? flame and rust by cl410 (M, 34k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Happy ending, Dragon WWX, Fluff and Humor, Light angst)

FOUND? Of Skin and Scales by firesonic152 (E, 21k, WangXian, Dragon WWX, Pining, Slow Burn, Miscommunication, Explicit Sexual Content, Bottom LWJ, Interspecies Romance, Interspecies Sex, Size Difference)

FOUND? no other cloud compares to you by ectocosme (M, 125k, WangXian, ChengSong, Canon Divergence, Dragons, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Romance, Courtship, Slow Burn,Slow Build, Action, Identity Issues, Misunderstandings, Mistaken Identity, Kinda, Heartbreak, Getting Back Together, Angst with a Happy Ending, War, Violence, Mental Anguish) WWX courts LWJ in dragon form as also in his human form but LWJ mistakenly thinks the dragon (introduced as 'Mianlong') is a separate being and thinks human!WWX is not serious but only teasing so turns him down in "no other cloud compares to you" by ectocosme (must be signed into AO3 to read)

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3. hi again hehe<333 i would like to find a fic i read that i havent finished, the only things i remember are wangxian in an arranged marriage but live separately(not really sure), then lwj was forced to have a concubine which was wenqing, wei ying then leaves cloud recesses(not really sure if it happened) to live in yiling then he takes in xueyang and mo xuanyu and another lady who was pregnant. wenqing visits them to talk to wwx about lwj or something. amd then something like an ambush or war happens and wwx went to fight(?) when he returned to yiling he found out that the girl gave birth to twins but died. thats all i could remember sorry😅 oh and the reason why wq became lwj concubine was because of wrh pressuring gusu lan? i think? not really sure if its the same fic since ive read so many mdzs fics already hehe but anyways thank you for all the hard work!<333 enjoy your day!!!

FOUND? A Price To Pay by wangxianist (E, 116k, WangXian, XuanLi, Arranged Marriage, Prophecies and Curses, Angst with a Happy Ending, Accidental Baby Acquisition, warning for yzy’s f minus parenting, Cultivation Sect Politics, Family Drama, Canon Divergence, Explicit Smut)

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4. I’ve got another Fic Finder that, if answered, will fulfill a Mood/Compilation request—specifically Disabled Wangxian. This was a modern AU where we meet WWX as a young child with cerebral palsy; he had his canonical high intelligence and cheerful outgoing disposition; he signed, used a wheelchair, and loved Kirby.

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5. hi <3 i lost a fic that im pretty sure is quite popular, but i have no idea how to go about looking for it. all i remember is that a small thing changes, and then in the scene where teen lwj kneels beside wwx so they can both be punished, wwx jumps to cover him bodily, yelling something like 'no you wont hurt my lan zhan it wasnt his fault' (?) possibly maybe it was lxc pov?? it maaaay have had something to do with time travel?? (not wwx tho).. i really dont know :D thank you!! (Ugh, I swear I’ve read this fic at some point :’) ~Mod L)

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6. This one might be tricky because I don't remember if it was here on tumblr, on ao3, or a twitter fic. Basically, Lan Wangji snaps for Wei Wuxian to leave him alone during their studies at Cloud Recesses, and Wei Wuxian does, aware he's probably gone too far in his teasing. Naturally Wangji regrets this, but doesn't manage to patch things up before Wei Wuxian goes home. What there was was fairly short, but quite angsty.

FOUND? I believe 6 might be this twitter fic?

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7. Hello, I've been looking for a fic where cangse sanren was born as man and created a complex spell to change her body to that of a woman, and as a result from the this, wwx has a womb even though he has external reproductive organs of a male. I think jfm knew of the transformation csr did to her body.

FOUND? Until The End by abCEE (M, 365k, wangxian, LWJ & LSZ & WWX, established relationship, communication, mpreg, good uncle LQR, BAMF JYL, canon-typical violence, LSZ is wangxian’s son, WWX has new golden core, fix-it of sorts, canonical character death (WWX), happy ending)

FOUND? 🧡Like Rabbits by Setari (T, 41k, WangXian, Kid fic, Canon rewrite, Mpreg, Miscarriage scare, Crack treated seriously, Hopeful ending)

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8. Hello I'm just wondering if you can find this ao3 fic wherein wwx didn't died on the cliff but got saved and lived a life with another identity because he has amnesia also he and lwj has a son which is lan yuan and no one died in that fic jiang yanli is alived

FOUND? Until The End by abCEE (M, 365k, wangxian, LWJ & LSZ & WWX, established relationship, communication, mpreg, good uncle LQR, BAMF JYL, canon-typical violence, LSZ is wangxian’s son, WWX has new golden core, fix-it of sorts, canonical character death (WWX), happy ending) The amnesia bit comes somewhere around chapter 17ish

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9. Hi ! I was wondering if you guys could help me find a fic, it’s about lwj accidentally killing wwx in nightless city but then both of them get transported back into the past in cloud recesses arc. wwx avoids lwj all the time in the beginning. it’s a really angsty one but in the end they still end up together. tysm for your help !! @makkachiin​

FOUND! 💖 Regrets by antebunny (G, 37k, wangxian, canon divergence, temporary character death, miscommunication, misunderstanding, time travel fix-it, angst w/ happy ending, fluff, hurt/comfort)

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10. Hello pls help I’m looking for a fic I read and lost where Wwx is kept as a prisoner of war in the unclean realm after saving the wens and jgy threatens him so he’s like all by himself and falls into a real bad depression?? Thank u so much for all u do 💕💕💕💕💕💕 @bmgh-writing​

FOUND! Always walked a very thin line by tucuxi (T, 22k, NHS & WWX, JYL & WWX, wangxian, depression, anxiety, everyone lives au, except JZXun & JGS, self-worth issues, slow burn, oblivious WWX, golden core reveal, chronic pain & illness, pining)

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11. Hi! I'm looking for a fic that was like a video game tutorial. The game covered the events up to WWX's death, and there was some dating sim element. LWJ was obviously not an available target, but LXC and NHS were. The player could participate in killing WWX, and I think the tutorial said how this was super difficult.

Towards the end of the tutorial/fic, there was a part 2 published that covered the events after WWX's death, and if the player was close to/dating NHS he'd confide in her after his brother's death. If the player lived in Cloud Recesses because she bought a house there or was married to LXC, then she might meet A-Yuan, but only if she didn't participate in WWX's death, because otherwise LWJ would never let her see his son.

Hope someone can find it, and thank you! @pasmika

FOUND! Grandmaster of Cultivation: Walkthrough and Guide by athylia (Not rated, 4k, wangxian, social media, rpg au, dating sim au, romance)

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12. Hello! Im looking for a wangxian fic where lwj was married to yiling patriarch in exchange for help in the war by the lan clan. I dont remember if wwx was a god or just powerful, but he watched and cared for the wens. It was a multi chapter fic and slow burn. I remember they went to a festival at some point and wwx would give small gifts and theyd eat dinner together sometimes. The main thing i remember tho is that lwj was given his own home and in it was a koi pond that hed take care of and really liked. I think lwj also wrote his brother letters

FOUND? This sounds a lot like 💖 love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360k, wangxian, immortal WWX, slow burn, pining, arranged marriage, Mojo’s post)  

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13. Hi im trying to find a cute wx fic that takes place during lan student arc. The only thing i remember is one scene which is where i think lwj took the blame for something so he was being caned but wwx showed up, admitted his fault, then started to be caned too. Then both of them confessed to each in front of everyone watching while receiving punishment. I think it all occurred from a misunderstanding. I remember it being a funny fic and ive been trying to find it

FOUND! Pygmalion by syrus_jones (T, 18k, wangxian, crack treated seriously, fluff, humor, angst w/ happy ending, gremlin WWX, repressed LWJ, first kiss, confession, pining, misunderstandings, comedy of errors, WIP)

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14. Hey ! This request is for the ficfinder : I don't remember the title but WWX was a Wen and CSR was WRH's sister. WWX was also the heir to the Wen throne. LJY was LWJ's adopted son and after the burning of CL, when they were bring the Lans etc WWX took LWJ to Nightless City and married him. And at the end of the story it was revealed that LQR, YZY and maybe the Nie and Jin sect leader time travelled. And maybe CSR did too. And yes, WX became the boyfriend if NMJ. After everything was over WWX and LWJ ruled together as equals. I loved this story but i can't seem to find it again. Please help me here ! Thanks for your precious time :) @purhplet09

FOUND! To the Heavens and the Earth by IsilmeLasgalen (E, 77k, WangXian, NingSong, XuanLi, MingXu, ChengYu, WWX is a Wēn, Marriage of Convenience, Accidental Marriage, Implied Mpreg, Time Travel, Canon Divergence, CSSR and WCZ Live, Cultivation Sect Politics, Bottom LWJ, Top WWX, Good Person WRH, Immortal WangXian, POV LXC, Mpreg, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Emperor WWX, Emperor LWJ, Past WWX/Other(s), Everybody Lives, Fluff, Angst, Smut, LWJ is LJY's Parent)

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15. Hiya! First of all, thank you for all your hard work - I can't imagine how much organisation this blog takes!

I am looking for a very specific fic - wangxian, xuanli at the very least - takes place post-Sunshot. At one point (I believe during the Phoenix Mtn hunt) someone targets JXN but force-feeding his dog a magic core stone which causes it to grow into a massive dog yao and WWX and JXN have to fight it off together. Later one of JXN's other dogs is force-fed a core stone while a whole load of cultivators are trapped in a building and JXN has to stick his hand in its mouth to pull the stone out. Pretty sure JGY and SMS were behind all the plots/shenanigans.

(Sorry, I can't remember much more, but I just have this very specific scene stuck in my head.) @katonahottinroof​

FOUND! ❤️ a stone to break your soul, a song to save it by rikke (M, 180k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, arranged marriage)

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16. hello im looking for this fic it's a fix-it i think. the scene i remember is wwx is trying to get lwj to leave and he tries to say he doesn't love lwj but lwj gets angry and is like don't insult me by lying to me and telling me you don't love me. a big thank you for all that you do bc this is where i get old lost fics and new ones too!

FOUND! ❤️ Standing Engagement by x_los (M, 18k, wangxian, misunderstandings, accidental engagement, sunshot campaign, golden core reveal, accidental relationship, WQ lives, everyone lives au, Mojo’s post)

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17. Hiii sorry I don't know how this works. But I am looking for this one specific fic I believe it was more than a one-shot. From what I remember was that LWJ was obsessive and WWX was oblivious LWJ killed I think a friend of WWX at midnight at school and tried to cover up the body. A girl who WWX flirted with constantly and who LWJ threaten to stay away from WWX found him and the body at the bathroom of the school and LWJ threaten her to help him cover the body. The next thing I remember is he is stalking WWX and I believe WWX somehow ended up in LWJ's house there is banging from the basement and LWJ is acting suspicious then he cooks food for WWX then makes a joke about the food being JC and throughout WWX stay he hears banging in the basement and he tells LWJ and he lies about it and he goes to the basement to find out that I believe it was JC who was tied up and they tried to escape but WWX stayed behind that all I can remember. thank you @kawaiiskeletonlamphero

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18. Hello I don't know if this is where to post to find a fic but I'll try anyway.

I cant remember much plot wise but I'll give a brief run down of what I can recall.

It's a wangxian fic with wei ying being the bottom. There is mpreg but I'm not sure it's is omegaverse or not. There is a suprise reveal later after the pregnancy is announced that wei ying is pregnant with TRIPLETS. I think lan zhan or lan qiren faint when this is revealed. Pretty sure it's a happy ending fic.

Sorry it's not much to go on but it's all I can remember. @sumzie

FOUND? Littlest Miracles by Vrishchika (M, 5k, wangxian, dragon wangxian, established relationship, mpreg, tenderness, fluff, not JC friendly, noodle babies)

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19. Okay so I have another fic finder, whenever you're able to get to it! All I remember was that it was the beginning of the cloud recesses lectures and, instead of sneaking in and getting into a romantic sword fight under the moonlight with his soul mate, wwx is already a little drunk and instead ends up slipping while climbing the wall and falling on his head. Lwj finds him immediately and wwx has a very serious head injury and so has to spend some time in the infirmary. I think there was some stuff that happened after he healed, and he and lwj were together soon enough. I'm pretty sure it was an au that only took place in the lectures? At least I don't remember it delving into any of the war stuff. I know that it was complete though! I've tried a few different tags, but I've had no luck so far. Thank you in advance!! @suibian800 (I'm pretty sure I know what fic this is but I forgot the name, LWJ had to do an ancient technique to save WWX by connecting their qi and spent the rest of the fic trying to restrain himself from "side-effects" (horny thoughts), right? - Mod C)

Yes!!! I'm almost 100% sure the fic I'm looking for also had the mind connection thing. And wwx fully accepted that he'd fallen in love with lwj but lwj thought it was just the connection and was determined to break it. I think he avoided wwx even after that too maybe??? I don't really remember how it ended 😂 but I'm pretty sure it was happy ending!! (If it is indeed the fic I am thinking of, then I am pretty sure they "pretend" to be in love before LWJ gets the connection removed and then it ends with LWJ showing up in lotus pier and kissing WWX, wish I could also remember the name for you 🥲) - Mod C)

FOUND! All at Once It's You by tiptoe39 (E, 28k, WangXian, Accidental Bonding, Love Curse, AU: No Plot Happens, The Wens Are Not Evil, Gusu Lan Summer School, CQL Universe, But I Stole a Scene from the MDZS Novel, JC is a Supportive Brother????, There is One (1) Sex Scene, Like Nie Huaisang It Is Just There to Make Up the Numbers, Qi Does What I Want It to Do So There, Internalized Homophobia) (I'm pretty sure I found it! This is the one right? - Mod C)

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20. Hi Mods! Thank you so much for all the you are doing :)

I am trying to find this fic where Jiang Cheng does the soul summoning after Jin Ling is killed by JGY? or something. WWX is very angry and tears into all the sect leaders including NHS. Hope you can help me find it. Thanks!

FOUND! The Day's Relentless Light by donutsweeper ( T, 1k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Lots of People Die, Canon-Typical Violence, Revenge, Non-Mo Xuanyu Summoning Ritual, Worse Timeline, Character Death, Dark)

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[not-equippedforthis]

hullo! can i just ask, so i've been listening to your Kirk playlist and i'd like to ask, if you feel up to answering, your though process behing adding Club Tropicana and Can't Stop The Stars?

oh and what's your favourite from the list? you don't have to answer of course, i'm just curious, i hope it's not too much. and sorry for the trouble if you've answered to some of these already, i couldn't find anything :( well that's it from me, have a nice day!

ps. the whole playlist gives me fun fuzzy feels :)

pps. i think adding You Don't Mess Around With Jim was hilarious, 10/10.

skjfks thank you so much!!! i dont mind answering haha, ill take any excuse to rant about kirk

soo club tropicana is more of the laid back, 'it just has his vibe' ones i added (thats life by frank sinatra for example destroys me. like thats full character analysis i could launch into there. animatic in my head an all). kirk just seems like a wham! guy to me? also he has that ability to charm and smoothly handle debates and often uses that to his advantage - hes a heartthrob canonically! (in the best way possible, i hate the pop culture womanizer kirk). to me that song just screams easy charm and promise, and on the occasion that kirk is actually relaxed he utilises it on multiple occasions to his advantage !! ....and again im spreading my wham! agenda

cant stop the stars just gives me that chill space vibe. the enterprise with all its glowing lights!! also, 'cant stop the stars' - for a darker interpretation, although on the enterprise their goal is to explore and its a powerful ship and all, they really are at the mercy of the universe and what they find in it. their crew is the best around, theyre all more than capable, but the stars are the stars and in the end they are all just beings exploring the universe and the occasional supernatural oddities it harbours. 'i think our chance is coming' - kirk seeing this and only being more inflamed to explore the stars and live amongst them. also some of the lyrics have that previous charm iirc?

JSFBND YESS so proud of myself for dont mess around with jim LMAO. its actually the whole reason why i started the playlist dkgbd

ouhhh im not sure which one my fav would be, my fav songs are always changing. i gotta give a shout out to 'wheres captain kirk' and lake street dive tho, love those! (psssst lake street dive is so underrated go listen to them) thank you so much for asking :333

[mediawhorefics]

hiii marie i watched tsn last night and probably just spammed your notes with tsn rb's (sorry!) and i remembered you were writing the tsn fic! i'm super super excited to read it and i was wondering if there was a snippet you might be able to share with us? thank you <3

omg !! i just saw kjnvjkfds pls know you are welcome to spam my tsn tag whenever you want !!! i always feel like i'm annoying when i go on a tsn reblog spree or a tsn fic related reblog spree rip. (tho it's my blog i guess i can do whatever i want!) anyways i'm glad to know someone is enjoying that tag <333 (LOVED your 'i watch tsn like a queer drama' addition.... so true bestie)

and yes ofc i can share a snippet of the fic !!! no one has really asked before so thank you !! it's so nice to know some people are excited for it. idk how much you know about it? i've talked about it here and there, but basically, it's a you've got mail post canon au where mark gets signed up to a super exclusive mostly anonymous dating app for rich people against his will (dustin and his meddling, honestly!!) and he ends up falling head over heels in love with someone on there only to find out it was eduardo all along (she sings to the tune of agatha all along). anyways it's this very cheesy romcom trope-y story where mark basically has to realise that the only 2 times he's ever been in love were actually with the same person and if he wants to have peace of mind and true happiness he needs to earn eduardo's forgiveness and own up to his mistakes. it's gonna be so kitsch i can't wait to post it !!! it's this 100k monster rn and there's still a fair bit of plot to go on rip. i'm rambling now sorry, i've just been having soooo much fun with it and i don't get a lot of occasions to talk about it haha.

anyways here's a snippet that i thought wasn't tooo spoilery??? hope you'll like it !!! tw i gave them the world worst's usernames because i thought it would be funny af haha. apologies it's still unpolished and needs some edits but:

Mark never particularly liked the cold growing up, but there is always something eerie to him about December silently creeping in without much of a fuss in California. It always seems a little wrong to his New York State grown bones, his Harvard in winter thickened skin. Oh, the temperature drops, for sure, their equivalent of ‘cold’, but Mark recalls Massachusetts freezing winter days, him in his shorts in the snow and a disapproving Wardo staring after him, begging him to please put some clothes on, Mark’s skin prickling under the wind as he ignored him. Winter in Palo Alto is child’s play in comparison, which is the point of living there he supposes. It’s nice, but it’s strange. 

Feels off. 

It feels even more off when he knows he’s not gonna bother going back home for the break this year – like most years, let’s be honest – and get his fill of razor-sharp wind and bone-chilling cold. 

Winter always reminds him of the early days of Facebook; him glued to his laptop day and night in his freezing dorm room, pages and pages and pages of code that weren’t quite a website yet fighting to get out of his brain and onto the screen, and Dustin, Chris and Eduardo, a constant warm presence he was barely aware of hovering at his back. Especially Eduardo. 

And speaking of Eduardo, winter always reminds Mark of him too, despite his best efforts. 

Eduardo, who never liked the cold, not after spending his seminal years in Brazil, then Miami, who always struggled through the sunless, frozen, winter months he spent at Harvard, even though he never wanted to admit it. 

It reminds him of Eduardo’s shivering body that night he approached him with the idea for Facebook, cold cold cold cold, but listening to Mark about his idea outside in the January air all the same, the two of them alone on the cusp of something great. They could have been the only two people on Earth that night in the whipping wind. It’s what it felt like to Mark anyways, what it always felt like to Mark. Them against the world. Before The Phoenix, before Christy, before Sean… 

Wardo would have liked Palo Alto, Mark thinks that December morning as he makes his way to work and a slow melancholy takes hold of him, the way it always does what that kind of thoughts take root in his mind. 

He would have enjoyed the almost perpetual sunshine, the heat, the cool people he would have fit with so easily, the way Mark never could no matter how long he’s lived here… 

Mark sighs, taking a second in his assigned parking spot to compose himself. This stupid Gala he has to attend next week has been messing with his brain ever since Dustin discretely informed him that Eduardo Saverin has confirmed his presence to the event as well. 

And it’s fine. Eduardo can go wherever he likes. Especially when he’s invited. Mark isn’t his keeper or anything. And he’s proven many times in the past that they can be in the same room without yelling at each other. Well, most times anyways. 

But he’s always a little unsettled when he knows Wardo is stateside, the needle of his Eduardo inner compass all over the place, trying to reorient itself when it realizes that Far Far Away is no longer that far. Which is probably why he always feels like his heart is about to explode when they’re in the same room. 

It can’t be regrets, because Mark forbade himself from feeling those a long time ago. 

But it sure is something. 

He still feels a little itchy after a few minutes alone in his car so he gets his phone out, composing a quick text for eswag82. 

Winter always makes me melancholic, he types, something so incredibly soothing about the comfort of an ally, a friend, a confident, never further away than his pocket. Reflective. I start remembering things I never would normally think about. I don’t know if it’s seasonal depression or something, but… I’m always getting sad over nothing. Over stuff I should have been done with a long time ago. But I can’t help myself. It’s like December hits and suddenly… Do you know what I’m talking about? 

Mark sighs as he sends the text: time to face the music. 

The day passes quickly between meetings and coding and important phone calls… He doesn’t have the chance to check his personal texts until late in the afternoon but when he does, miraculously, warmth permeates through the cold of the approaching winter and spreads through him like a sip of burning hot coffee. 

I know exactly what you’re talking about, E writes. Everything slows down in winter, including us. We have the time to get reflective and melancholy. So many holidays in so many cultures too. A time of celebration, of togetherness. That can be challenging when you don’t feel particularly joyful. Or in my family’s case, together. Seeing what it should or could be highlights what it isn’t sometimes, yk? Or at least it’s like that for me.

I’m sorry, Mark writes back, feeling angry again on E’s behalf for that family that doesn’t make him feel welcome, doesn’t make him feel like he can be himself. 

It is what it is. I haven’t gone back home in a while now and this year won’t be any different. Sometimes taking care of yourself looks like neglecting others from an outsider’s perspective, but… I can’t worry about that. 

I’m not going home either this year. I’m busy, which is true, but it’s also… I don’t think I could stomach it. It’s been a while for me too and they’re great, but I still feel like I’m on the outside, yk? Like I’m looking at them through the windows and no matter how much I want to, I can’t go in. 

Mark swallows hard. He swallows back down more feelings of rejection and more fear that no matter what he does it’s never enough to belong. He swallows back down the fact that he created Facebook to be part of the club and he now fears he elevated himself so much higher that he can never fit in anymore. And he doesn’t even like people that much, he’s always said so, but the older he gets the more he feels they can be tedious and still part of his life anyway, that being alone at the top might not be the end goal he’s looking for anymore.

[miekasa]

MA'AM-

I wanna start this ask by saying that this comes from a place of love and I am trying in NO WAY to be rude or sound like I'm trying to tell you what to do, so I apologize if anything sounds that way cause it's really not my objective nor place to do that

If you wanna travel, go for it ! I'm realising it can be scary on your own, esp as a woman, but you shouldn't let only fear stop you ! (Ofc there are a lot of things to think through when you wanna travel, and I personnaly never did that on my own, but I've seen a lot of women ~on the internet~ do that and said they really enjoyed it and it did them good and stuff)

Treat yourself for your birthday !! I do realise it's always agreeable to have people show and tell you they care, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to love and care for yourself too ! Do that thing you've always wanted to try, or try out that new restaurant you heard about, or buy yourself that one thing you've been eyeing for a while ! (Well then there's the financial aspect, but as long as you know what you're doing and that it's safe then who cares ?????)

Your life doesn't end once you reach your thirties. Today's society really makes it seem like our twenties are the funniest years of our lives, but the majority of people in their twenties don't seem to be the happiest. People over thirty tho ? They've hade more time to figure things out, and they're over the limit society has imposed to "have fun", so who can stop them ? Your life isn't worth "less" just bc society claimed you HAD to have fun now if you ever wanted to have fun, that's bullshit. You wanna "have fun" when you're 50 and over ? You go do it if you want and if you can. Assuring yourself a future doesn't mean you can't enjoy things, and working a job in your "more adult" life doesn't mean you can't still do things that are enjoyable in your eyes.

There's a lot more I could say there, but all in all I just wanted to say that you shouldn't lose hope ❤ You'll get there, you'll get to enjoy things, and you'll meet people you'll love and who'll love you back just as much. And remember to take a break too. Whether it's from being productive in work or at home, or from just thinking of things that can get heavy to deal with for you, you deserve and you should take breaks and rest your body and mind from these things ❤

Sending you lots of love and hugs and support and early birthday wishes ❤❤❤

Thank you my dear :(( I know everything you said is true (I’m not necessarily stopping myself from traveling, but yeah the whole being a woman + other factors + my parents are for sure a deterrent, but hopefully I’ll be on my way soon). I’m 100% okay with being alone and I’ve found peace in being on my own, but I think I’m at the point where I wish I didn’t Have to do everything alone—and/or have something in the way of the things I /want/ to do alone. Idk man making friends and finding people worth your while is hard and I KNEW that I just wish it was easier 😭😭

It’s okay, I’m just having a Moment. I know I’m young and there’s so much time in life to figure things out, but things like work and school still trick me into thinking there’s a time limit for everything, you know? I’ll figure it out, but thank you thank you thank you for all the kind words <333