#The History Of Caffs Food Induced Mental Breakdown

[caffeinelemur]

ur tag about being picky ruining vacations rings so true. i remember going on a trip with my best friend and he took me to an italian restaurant (pasta is my safe food) and because i couldnt make it myself i had to sit there with his whole family eating and me with nothing and they all questioned it so fucking awkward 😭

Yeah my stepdad has this crusade against my “eating habits” that’s grown in intensity and stupidity since I was like eight. At first it was something between eating with the family/making me eat healthy/vegetables? (Was forced to eat food I didn’t like for several years + has a strong gag reflex + literally cannot eat things I don’t like, why would you do that) Or something, but then it also became fights during trips bc I just wanted my safety/favorite and he wanted to eat at some random fucking place in a different state that doesn’t serve food I eat anyway, and then I got Diagnoses™️ and he decided I made all of them up and lied to my doctor to get idk what attention and meds? and when we told him my doctor diagnosed most of that without me prompting it he was like it’s bc nutrition like bitch I don’t think my samefood gave me bipolar.

Anyway, we barely go anywhere and whenever we do I can’t even get excited bc I’m just like. We’re gonna fight about food the entire time and eventually I’ll just tell them to go do whatever they want and I’ll not eat anything for lunch and stay in the car bc I’m tired and overwhelmed and take a car nap with my noise cancelling headphones on loud music playing all I wanted was to spend like seven to eleven dollars to eat a decent amount of food and get a big ass drink but no now we’re doing this. You can still go you your fucking choice I’m not making you eat my food leave me in the car with a ridiculous fast food order a huge soda and music and fuck off to your own food adventure I’ll be dandy, but no. (My spectrum in a different flavor mother tries her best to get me fed somehow and is probably the only one between the three of us keeping me alive, and all she gets is anxiety. Sorry mom.)

Also somewhere right before high school I gained a fun new eating disorder and between that and my always reliable forgetting-to-eat I kept dipping below into underweight, so my doctor told me not to worry about healthy vs junk or anything right then just try to focus on eating something even if it’s chips or whatever. I had a timer on my phone to remind me it was like 11 or 2 or smth maybe try a snack?? I brought a snack size bag of chips for lunch every day it’s all I could figure out. And mom heard this and was like ok, nightly McDonald’s runs aren’t a battle anymore bc she knew my cardinal rule of food is no matter what I can and will eat McDonald’s. Like even at my most ill can’t look at a cracker I can and will eat that hamburger and be fine. I got back up to barely technically but still healthy weight for a little while bc of it. Eat your samefood your doctor says it’s fine if anyone says otherwise throw a nearby object at them and run this is the moral of the story I think

In college I survived off fast food someone helped me get and vending machine payday bars. Like I can’t drive and I lost half my silverware in that move when I was seven so now I’m running on like three spoons max. I’m like a scrungly raccoon with opinions. Little garbage rat only takes pizza from that one place’s trash. Alley cat that is too tired to try anymore and keeps coming to your porch bc you gave me something out of pity once.

My things with my foods is I will have I Can Have This Specific Thing From This Specific Place, or I Like This Sort Of Food Generally But I Have Extreme Opinions About It. Sometimes they overlap. Examples: I mention McDonald’s. I only ever order the same thing. Very specific. It’s a Hamburger (I won’t go into detail). I can eat other hamburgers but Generally I don’t want to and have opinions about them. If you do it Correctly at home it’s fine. Other places I don’t really like. On the other hand, I Have Extreme Pizza Opinions but I have several places I’ll eat at that qualify. It’s one of the easiest of my samefoods probably to find in a pinch, we just do research and try. I really love pizza so maybe I’m more open to figuring it out than I am w hamburgers bc I’m not like I love hamburgers it’s I love specifically McDonald’s lol. I also have a samedrink and it’s Dr. Pepper, which sadly is bad for my long term health and I’ve had fights and lectures about this for eons as well, but it’s far too late now and I don’t give a shit.