#There's also ppl who constantly like/rb stuff from me and idk if i follow their sideblog or somethin' & I'm too nervous to tag you all

[deesselouvre]

Tagged by @v-v-e-g-a !!! ♡♡♡♡♡

Tag #1

1. Icon: Beehunter from Arknights

2. My content: This is my main/personal blog so it's mostly just reblogs of funnyman jokes, Helpful References/Tips, and interests I'm either too lazy or not enough into to make a sideblog for (JJBA, Animal Crossing, Castlevania [debatable], etc.)

3. Letter colour: I'm assuming this is blog title color so--white.

4. Header: a screencap of Invader Zim saying "PHASE TWO" but instead it says "HOES MAD". I need to change it tbh but idk to what.

5. Url: I love vampires AND thigh high socks,,,,Could I Make It Anymore Obvious

6. Blog title: From one of those phrase/word generators I forgot why I used it, but I really liked the phrase even though I'm really bad at poetry...

Tag #2

Who were you named after?: I Vibed(tm) with Maid Marian from the Disney Furry Robin Hood Movie as a kid but I wanted it to be more gender neutral so now I'm Mr. Mosbey ☆ Ellis is similar enough to my deadname so I can get onto family and the like for "forgetting"

Last time you cried?: I don't have a concept of time so I don't remember so,,,,,maybe a week or two?

Do you like your handwriting?: I guess? It's pretty a looking blend of print and cursive but it can be hard to read if you're reading it for the first time :(

What is your favorite lunch meat?: FRIED BOLOGNA. If cooked doesn't count idk honey ham or turkey I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Longest relationship?: 2 years. Don't Ask.

Do you still have your tonsils?: Yup.

Do you bungee jump?: Nope!

What is your favorite kind of cereal?: Honeycomb, w/ French Toast Crunch as a close second. But tbh as long as its not bland like cheerios or corn pops/puffs I'll live.

Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?: I DESPISED tying my shoes as a kid idk why so I always slip mine off.

Do you think you’re strong willed?: Not particularly, I think? I'm a people pleaser but I'm also stubborn as hell so....

Favorite Ice Cream?: Birthday Cake!!! French Vanilla or Wedding Cake is good too--anything really REALLY vanilla-y is top notch.

What is the first thing you notice about a person?: Their smile and I guess like...idk how to put it....their Build? Like if they're lanky with broad shoulders or tall 'n buff or short 'n stocky, stuff like that.

Football or baseball?: I only attend football games for the Marching Band halftime shows

Favorite donut?: Anything filled with cream or custard tbh. Maple-flavored dunkin donuts donuts are good too, though.

What are you listening to?: A lot of Vouge Remixes/Music apparently? Like DJ Boyfriends and stuff. I like high-energy beats.

If you were a crayon, what color would you be?: A deep jewel tone that's labelled "peacock" but you can't really tell if its a green or blue until you use it.

What is your favorite smell?: Vanilla Bean Noel from Bath and Body Works, Honeycomb, and Harry's Pomegranate-Spice Blend Soap (really specific I Know). Hairspray always smells really sweet to me idk why people say they hate the smell???

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?: My D&D group (5 HOURS!)

Hair color?: Too dark to be blond, too light to be brown. I wanna dye it either that jewel toned blue again or black, but I don't feel like buying hair dye rn.

Eye color?: Brown brown brown! FUCK what anyone says brown eyes are the BOMB my entire family has either green or blue eyes so I've spent TOO LONG self-depreciating over that shit.

Favorite food to eat?: Lemon Cake w/ mascarpone is soooo good. Nothin tops Hoppin' John with Wild Rice though.

Scary movies or happy ending?: Happy Endings. I'm not (that) much of a sap but Scary Movies sometimes really work up my anxiety :(

Last movie you watched in a theater?: Once Again, time is an illusion but I think Frozen 2? NO it was Birds of Prey! Loved it.

What color shirt are you wearing?: A black State Marching Band Championship hoodie.

Favorite holiday?: Halloween by default since a good 80% of holidays are boring.

Beer or wine?: I've only had (dessert) wine but I didn't really like it so neither I guess. I don't see myself liking beer anyways.

Night owl or morning person?: Night Owl but God likes to punish me so I always wake up at 6/7/8 even when I don't need to anyways.

Favorite day of the week?: Tuesday or Friday? Time isn't real, dude.

Favorite animal?: BATS BATS BATS!!! I have a plushie of a Mariana Flying Fox I got from the zoo as a wee kid and I WUV THEM their name is Mango :3c. I also like peacocks because of their colors, & hummingbirds because they remind me of my grandmother and how they zip around!

Do you have a pet?: 3 cats (Meimei, Rico Suavé, and my dearest darlingist loudest witch cat Mina) and 3 dogs (Emmy, Jake, and Gucci "Chupi" Chupacabra).

Where would you like to travel?: Japan (b/c I'm a weeb and I've wanted to since middle school), but tbh visiting just about anywhere would be cool, especially in Europe just because I keep slacking on language learning. My family vacations for Food mainly so anyplace with good, different grub than Southern Landlocked USA is 👌👌👌👌.

♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡

I never know who to tag in these ddgdkddjkskabcksbals uhhhhhh @binch-im-stressed @screamingredpanda @6fangs @foolishrats @wondertainment & any mutuals or ppl who constantly interact because I'm writing this in my notes app and never use desktop tumblr so I can't really keep track of my mutuals like everyone else (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

[yibuo]

love your hot takes! was wondering if you could give your two cents on shipping/rpf in relation to idol culture, how more often than not these pairings are subtly if not overtly used as a marketing tool etc. I’m all for freedom of expression / fandom consumption as long as the fourth wall is respected but given recent developments in c-ent I feel like we’re treading on thinner and thinner ice....

EDIT you asked for my two cents and i gave u my entire bank account. nice

ok i wasn’t sure how to answer this tbh without possibly getting attacked but i have a pretty strong opinion of rpf/shipping and how people take it to the extremes and i talked to oomf who validated me so here i go

tldr i mean people can take part in shipping/rpf if they want to and if they keep it lowkey but there’s a boundary as to how far shipping/rpf can go and there are too many instances of where people insert rpf/shipping in places that are unacceptable and this goes for all real ppl pairings 

i’m not meaning to offend anyone, and in no way are my opinions discriminatory, but also, if you’re someone who’s gonna make HUGE stretches regarding to celebrities and push your favorite ships in totally unrelated things, maybe you should step back and think about how your actions can affect your favorite people

and i’m totally stealing this from oomf, but here’s a thought:  if you ask yourself  'if i met this person irl, would i feel embarassed if they looked me in the eyes and i read this out loud to them' and if the answer is 'i would look like a pervert stalker' then like........maybe don't do what you’re doing?  

pls respect ur faves is all n don’t make them uncomfortable ! ! and also pls don’t fetishize same sex relationships !

anyway

ok so let me start by saying i’m a seventeen stan and when i was 15-16 y/o i shipped svt members, read rpf, etc, but never really was into overanalyzing every touch or gaze. i obviously enjoyed my favorite pairings interact and i read romantic fics about them. i wasn’t really into reading smut because for me, personally, fics using the members’ names and personalities even in au kinda made smut feel like visualizing the members in a sexual context and i felt like i was crossing a fan boundary, like, would my idol be comfortable with me seeing them in a sexual context with another member they tell us they consider as friends/brothers/sisters? or just in general, would they be comfortable with me thinking of them sexually? but hey, if it was a good fic i would just skip over the smut because good fics are good fics. now idk if it’s because i’m older, or other changes? i don’t really do romantic shipping or read rpf, i stick to reading fics about fictional characters because that’s what makes me comfortable (like if i ever rb two members’ interactions on my main, i stick to just tagging the members instead of their ship name, same goes on here for real people) and i still very much am uncomfortable w/ real people smut literature and art, but that’s just me

ok you see shipping a lot in idol culture because idols are in groups and members spend a good 90% of their time together, so whatever cute interactions you see  kinda lead to people shipping two (or more ig) members. i never really thought about idol shipping culture from a marketing perspective, so i asked some of my friends, and one of them made a really good point about how some ships are more popular than others, and these interactions on shows and stuff might be a strategic/marketing tactic to lure in new fans because of the “ships” being cute. i don’t know how true this actually is, but it kinda made sense. for example, in svt, mingyu x wonwoo is a super popular ship, compared to ships like the8 x vernon which no one ever talks about, even though we know that all the members love each other equally and wholeheartedly. so yeah, there probably is a subtle pushing of certain ships in order to gain momentum in attracting more fans to the group

also i’m gonna be using wonwoo and mingyu as examples but i’m not targetting anyone or anything, just hypothetical situations w/ an idol ship that i noticed to affect the members because how out-of-control SOME stans are

so as i said in my tldr, i don’t really mind romantic shipping, as long as it’s 1) lowkey 2) not pushed in places that it doesn’t belong and 3) not mentioned among the members

keeping it lowkey- pushing ships in everyone’s faces gets annoying. sometimes fans just want to enjoy idols’ content as they give it to us and frankly, it’s a little offputting when you’re trying to watch something or enjoy something and hoards of fans are fangirling over a gaze or a touch between 2 members. keep it on your private acct, or in a group chat, not in the youtube comment section of the video. but still, men and women are allowed to touch each other and show affection without it being romantic, and i feel like shipping culture kinda invalidates the platonic relationship. like unless a pairing is confirmed to be dating, why even bother with overanalyzing these gazes or touches. and no, it’s not homophobic for non-rpf fans to be annoyed, because sometimes fans just want to see the members as they portray themselves to be rather than finding a deeper (and unconfirmed) meaning behind every small thing. fans being like “bro it’s just the touch of two hands it’s not that deep” is not the same thing as fans going “ewww i’m’ not supporting them if they’re not straight” . and sometimes i feel like people try to twist non-rpfers words and call them homophobic if they’re not for shipping when sometimes people don’t wanna romantically visualize 2 people if they’re an unconfirmed couple. how can you use lgbt struggles, which is an issue in society, to fight against people who simply don’t do rpf?? how are you use that as a weapon and for what ??? (also a good amount of people who do this are lgbt fetishizers who aren’t lgbt themselves bye i said it) why can’t we all jus be friends dudes

ok but if you’re against your idols dating someone of the same gender, that’s homophobic and you needa get that checked

but that’s different from treating two members as friends rather than bfs

but this being lowkey concept applies to any pairing, straight or gay, just keep it lowkey dudes. (like for ex we see yibo and meng meiqi shippers, which also doesn’t make sense to me because it’s based off of literal crumbs but ok) it’s ok to be rpfer or non-rpfer as long as you’re respecting the idols and keeping their best interests in mind

respect ur faves pls

not pushed in places that it doesn’t belong- people need to stop bringing up ships and pairings in randomass places. for example, if wonwoo is doing a interview, with mingyu being nowhere in sight, and he’s talking about his hobbies and interests without ever mentioning mingyu, what’s the need to bring up mingyu?? people do it and it’s so... weird? like wonwoo can do things without being constantly associated mingyu? one of my BIGGEST pet peeves is when shippers make these ships such a HUGE part of a members’ identitiy, when the members are doing so much w/ their lives? like no, not every move wonwoo makes, and every breath he takes is related to mingyu, but people still wanna have the audacity to mention mingyu in something completely unrelated? what’s your point?

RESPECT UR FAVES

not mentioned among the members in an uncomfy manner- like if you’re interacting with a real person, why are you gonna bring up a ship they’re included in when you have so many other things to talk about?? like ok it’s one thing to ask someone on a livestream “hey this event you guys did on xxxx show was funny, what’s the tea behind that” but it’s not okay to just mention a ship with no relation and no context to the situation. again, this counts as rpf-ers and shippers attributing a single ship to an idol’s identity much more than what it actually counts as. no, wonwoo is not 70% made of mingyu lover and vice versa. we actually saw this between mingyu and wonwoo as people kept pushing meanie (the ship) to their faces, and we saw (and  still see) a much more decreased amount of interaction between them compared to them predebut, because shippers couldn’t stay in their lane. so yes, out-of-control shipping DOES affect idols and can be harmful to their relationships if you don’t control it

^ so y’all see why i feel so strongly about this, because it literally can affect these idols’ relationships on screen

JUST RESPECT UR FAVES

again, this applies for any pairing of any sexuality, i’m just using wonwoo x mingyu as an example because it’s something i saw when i was into rpf. i love both mingyu and wonwoo and they are wholesome together. i have friends who ship them and i’m completely ok with that because they do it without posing any harm to the members, but some people just need to take a chill pill and a seat and calm down ????

so i completely understand that shipping/rpf serves as a creative outlet for lgbt+ folks and that’s completely fine, inspiration, love, cool cool cool. just don’t be so pushy about small interactions especially directly to idols. and as for rpf-ers, don’t let rpf give you a reason to start fetishizing same-sex relationships, that shits weird and problematic...pls

again, if you ask yourself  'if i met this person irl, would i feel embarassed if they looked me in the eyes and i read this out loud to them' and if the answer is 'i would look like a pervert stalker' then like........maybe don't do what you’re doing?  

lol so this is why i’m much more comfortable w/ fictional shipping, because these people don’t exist in the real world and don’t have actual lives and relationships to protect 

just respect ur faves omg and we’ll be fine

“given recent developments in c-ent” and me being a yibo stan and you sending me this strongly leads me to believe you’re referring to out of control bjyx cpf (yizhan shippers)  LOL

i don’t follow much c-ent besides xnine, uniq, r1se, and sometimes unine and the nine percent members, and honestly im not too into the fan culture so i dont follow ships there? so i’ll focus on. this ship

to be completely honest, shipping for idol groups makes some sense to me because idol group members are with each other most of the time, that’s literally their job

shipping actors who haven’t confirmed that they’re dating/no proof doesn’t really make sense to me at all--they work on one project together, and they’re off to their next., with or without each other . we don’t know if they keep in contact every day, much less if they’re into each other, but each to their own! my opinions and takes aren’t perfect and as long as you’re respecting your faves, it is ok~

ok so i’ll start of with saying: obviously, i love yibo. i love xiao zhan. they’re cute nd wholesome and evidently had good times together and learned a lot from each other regarding acting and being in the industry and just developing as people together. good for them, we love character development. amazing

is pushing bjyx a marketing tactic? most definitely yeah by tencent thanks tencent. i think you can see this through the amount of bts videos there are with just bjyx in comparison to other bts videos/interviews, even though there are many more important characters apart from wwx and lwj in cql, we don’t see as much side cast interactions as bjyx, and if we do, there aren’t that many w/ other cast members and yibo and xiao zhan?? relatively speaking

so yeah i think pushing this yibo x xiao zhan thing definitely was a tactic to further the momentum that wangxian was already having to attract stans, and it worked. like i LOVE watching yibo and xiao zhan bts videos because they are two goofs. love them. love my boys. love their camaraderie. and if people wanna ship, then go ship. cool! just be casual pls

i think where this becomes a problem is when people start projecting wangxian’s relationship onto yibo and xiao zhan because...the latter are real people. yibo and xiao zhan =/= wangxian !!!!!! (ok first of all yibo is a gremlin how can he be the wang in wangxian in real life)  what wyb and xz show us in videos is nowhere near what wangxian is hJKNDJNWD and i see so many people just equate the two pairings...nooo... and combining everything mxtx writes about wangxian in the novel and projecting that onto wyb and xz...i don’t think that’s the move dudes they have their own lives they’re not wangxian

my BIGGEST pet peeve is when people wholly credit wyb’s development as an actor and as a person to xz and vice versa. i cannot tell you how many times i see posts saying “wyb brought xz out of his shell” and vice versa and things like “xz looks like he’s having much more fun than he is when he’s with xnine, they’re soulmates” and etc

both wyb and xz have had years of industry experience before getting to know each other. they’ve gone through some of the lowest points of their careers before even getting to know each other well, and they’ve both found Their People in the industry before finding each other. to say that wyb brought xz out of his shell in a summer’s worth of filming based on some bts videos is just so unfair to the bonds xz has made with his other colleagues and xnine  members and the accomplishments he’s had before cql. same with wyb and his career prior to cql. and his uniq members, his ttxs bros, and all his other colleagues. these 2 have gone through some shit with their idol groups and it’s just not fair for cpfs to erase the significance of their career prior to cql to support and find a leverage for their shipping. i’m not saying all cpfs do this, but there is  a Good Amount That Do and it pisses fans like me off

they are not each others saviours bye

also  “xz looks like he’s having much more fun than he is when he’s with xnine, they’re soulmates”, if you guys ever watch xnine videos, you’ll know that xnine is Loud. with members like wu jiacheng and peng chuyue being so loud and extroverted, it kinda makes xiao zhan relatively quieter. but he’s still a gremlin and troublemaker and it’s not like he isn’t having fun. he’s just louder w/ yibo because yibo is more introverted than xz. relationship dynamics are relative to the relationship cmon people !!!! this is basic knowledge !!!! anyway that was a side tangent but ya

but ya my point is, wyb and xz have their own careers and they’re doing their own things now, and it’s unnecessary to bring up xz in an unrelated wyb post/article and vice versa, and it’s just so so unnecessary to link them in everything??? like i heard that cpfs prevented xz from keeping his nomination for an award because yibo wasn’t nominated so xz lost the nomination ./rolls eyes

anyway my point being, if you wanna ship them then go ahead! just do it normally and don’t bring up the ship in unrelated places (like other dramas, tv shows, etc where they’re not together), don’t spam them with bjyx related things, don’t make weird stretches/connections?? the other day on twt i saw a twt about uniq wenhan’s drama, where he was being referred to as xiao zhan (little zhan) in the drama (different  “xiao” and “zhan” characters than actor xz’s name) and i saw cpfs go “omg theYRE CALLING HIM XIAO ZHAN??? IS THIS FATE OR” like no it isnt maam it’s just a name stop reaching

ANYWAY UNNECESSARY SIDE RANTS BUT MY MAIN POINT is that people are allowed to be shippers and take part in rpf, but don’t make their identities “____’s lover”, don’t look past their current and past achievements for the sake of your ship, don’t erase their relationships with other people for the sake of your ship, stop bringing your ship into things that are only related to one person/aren’t related to your ship, stop saying creepy things about your ship (if you think the ship people would be uncomfrotable with what you say about them you probably shouldn’t be saying it)

just. respect ur faves pls no matter who they’re with ...just respect them ty

stan yibo stan xiao zhan stan uniq stan xnine

comment ur fav yibo and xiao zhan moment below

like comment subscibe

ok bye mic drop 

[pepprs]

[DONT RB] ok so there’s no way for me to talk abt this that isn’t gonna make me look like an absolute dumbass but im in the middle of a creative existential crisis and i rly need help figuring it out :•( this is gonna get SUPER LONG so im putting it under a readmore. thank u to anyone who reads this!!! and double thank u to anyone who can give some input / advice, i rly rly appreciate it. im sorry abt the length!

aight so for some background.... ive been drawing n writing poetry for abt 5 yrs now and both of those things r rly important to me. in school im an english major w a creative writing minor (for the poetry) and i work as a graphic designer (for the art) so ive been growing a lot as an artist and writer esp in the past 2 yrs and im kinda workin towards one or the other (or ideally both somehow!) as a career. one of the biggest dreams ive had since i started seriously pursuing both of these hobbies 5 yrs ago is to publish a book of poetry that i design / illustrate myself, and also to have a portfolio online where ppl can read all of my poetry and see all of my artwork (both professional / work stuff but also archives of all of my sketchbooks since those r rly important to me!!!) and maybe even make some sort of online shop where ppl can buy my art (stickers, keychains, etc!) and my poetry books!

that sounds pretty simple right? WRONG!!!!!! why? bc im a fucking idiot! and there are several dumb things i do that make this dream completely impossible for me to achieve! love that for me!

so for starters... ive been posting (almost) all of my art and ALL of my poetry online for all 5 yrs ive been creating it. that’s bad because:

ive hardly ever used my real name (which i would want to use for the book / shop / portfolio), it’s been under my usernames / aliases that go along w them (p*pe, pep, pea, etc and related usernames that shall not be mentioned) and i started going by my real first name only abt a yr ago, but still maintain those usernames for the most part in conjunction w my real name

my work has been primarily been posted to d*viantart and tumblr which aren’t exactly the most uh... professional places to do that. not that there rly are many i guess lmao but still

my online persona on these platforms is rly like. lax and loose which is Cool And Quirky when brought into a professional setting if it’s done right i guess.... but im just immature and unprofessional. i swear all the time, i shitpost constantly, im incessantly tmi? and that’s not even it like it’s just a whole mess!

SO there’s that whole set of problems and like im just concerned because... i stopped posting art online last yr for the most part and a lot of the old stuff that’s on dA (since that was rly where i did it most) is bad and not worth sharing like that anyways, so im not as worried abt that. but my poetry.... i still actively post that online in all my messiness and candidness here and like. it’s rly not that hard to find me? like if u copy a poem of mine and put it in google it’ll pull up my dA right away! and that’s like.... GOD i just am embarrassed for anyone irl to see that or for that to be connected with my irl / professional self in the future, but i don’t want to stop posting my work there (or here!!!!!) bc the community is so supportive and ive made some rly good connections / built a lot of traction over the 5 yrs ive been doing it. (PLUS for the online portfolio i wanna do specifically... i kinda want to post all of my art and poetry there, like everything ive ever done (specifically poetry, ive written almost 500 poems over the 5 yrs ive been doing it!), but i feel like that’s not rly the most professional thing to do and idk how to even gauge whether it is or not :-/)

but that’s not all!!!! because there’s another part to this and that is: the very nature of the content i produce is Not Good! for my art it’s not as much of a problem bc since I work as an artist rn a lot of what i make is professional, but for my personal art... a lot of that is either self portraits or my characters and a lot of my characters are like. animals. like specifically pepe (who is basically Me As A Cat).... i draw her constantly and so much of my best work is of her but it’s just like? embarrassing i guess for my ocs to take up so much of my portfolio and sketchbooks and stuff and share that. like i know everyone has characters and it’s not bad to do that and share that but i feel like ppl will judge me :-( so it’s made me rly hesitant to post stuff to my art ig for example bc i just don’t fucking know how to act, like it’s bad enough that i can’t type the way i want to and i have to type in proper caps n whatever instead bc irls i don’t know / trust as well follow me (including some ppl from work? Yikes?)....... but i feel like i can’t share my sketchbook stuff for example bc it’s all cats and my characters and visual shitposts and im uncomfy to share that bc like... im almost 20 and i don’t want ppl to think im immature or whatever? i kno i should feel like it’s my account and i can post wot i want but like. i fucking can’t bro i just can’t!!

and THEN.... my poetry. that’s the biggie bc like for my art? even tho im uncomfortable i don’t mind sharing that w ppl i know irl but for my POETRY.... it’s very easy to find like where i share that i guess? (the google thing i mentioned earlier but also its linked to my art on here and dA too... f) but i literally never actively share my writing w irl ppl unless im performing @ an open mic or workshopping in class bc im fucking terrified of the possibility of irl ppl finding my poetry. it’s almost ironic how public ive been w it online but how private i am abt it irl... it’s like im living a double life and it’s fucking terrible but it’s the only way i feel safe. bc like art is what i do for other ppl and also to destress and vent when i need a quick fix on my own time. but poetry.... that’s personal, it’s where i feel most like myself, it’s how i talk abt my life and ppl in it and make meaning of things and talk abt things authentically and Get Deep. and my literal worst nightmare is for ppl (who have the explicit ability to by virtue of Knowing Me) to read into it and Understand what im talking abt and have that power over me and see me differently for feeling the way i do or doing what i do. ive actually already been burned by this before after my mom read some work of mine that had been published irl (i don’t want to get too into it but basically i retroactively outed myself thru her reading that poem for what it was and it was Very Very Bad) and as paranoid abt it as i was before, it’s even worse now that it’s actually happened to me and could happen again at any time, esp if i decide to take my work further.

that manifests in a few ways too, like my writing is so cryptic and vague and very heavy on metaphors / symbolism and shit partially out of that deep fear and need to shield myself and my work. sometimes in spaces where i do feel comfy sharing, ppl have a hard time understanding my poetry unless i give context. online and on stage and in workshop ppl don’t rly know me outside of a context where the only thing we have in common is self expression thru poetry, so i don’t rly mind sharing more when it’s appropriate. but if i were to share my work as a book or w/e, ppl im close to (who maybe don’t always think like a poet / artist does bc they aren’t that) would want to buy it and read it and might ask abt what it means and i don’t even know what i would do in that situation. and if ppl were to read my work and see themselves / others in it, whether it is abt them or not, im scared it could genuinely damage relationships like it did with my mom.

SO UH.... idk where im going w this rly, i kno it’s long and rambly and melodramatic and im probably overthinking it and making a mountain out of a molehill and nobody even knows / cares abt me AND my work @ the same time enough to read That Deep into it. but it just fucking sucks that im so uncomfortable and insecure that i can’t comfortably fulfill literally the one single long term goal / life dream that i have. andthe thing that sucks is i can’t talk to Anybody abt this except like... my sister and brother bc they’re the only ppl i genuinely tell everything to, but they don’t have the knowledge and expertise abt art / poetry that like... my poetry prof does, for example. and my poetry prof is one of the best ppl ive ever met and the Only person ive ever met irl who respects and understands my poetry in the exact way i need someone to. she and i have been talking and she rly wants to help me publish my poetry bc she sees merit in my work and knows how bad i want to / how successful it’s been already, but i don’t know how to talk abt this to her bc im embarrassed to tell her abt posting online and being ashamed abt my muses and all that and it just!!! sucks so much bc i kinda want to publish my work @ least once before i graduate and do it semi regularly for the rest of my life? but there’s so much in my way and it’s just! FGGFHDGJGGGG

[jadecringecomp]

jade is most definitely transmed and they refuse to even talk abt this because they know what they said and done is wrong.

jade has tried calling my friend out for being transmed and since ive come out abt these screenshots, theyve stopped calling him transmed and hasnt even talked abt the screenshots.

“[gideon] I dislike/hate most truscum and what most of them tend to believe, thought I personally do think some form/amount of dysphoria is needed even if it’s pretty much only social dysphoria or very minimal of any type of dysphoria.

[gideon] I don’t think there’s anything wrong with holding the belief that dysphoria is necessary so long as you aren’t policing, harassing, misgendering, etc.

[jade] oh yeah that makes sense. i can kind of see both sides? idk yeah

[gideon] I think both sides actively involved in ‘the discourse’ are fucking nuts, just to be clear lol”

they had even agreed with his statement. so its kind of weird for jade to call my friend gideon transmed over smth... they agreed with. it only gets worse with them.

“[jade] basically lainey like. claims to be trans but constantly does shirtless pictures and like borderline nsfw stuff, flip flops on who gets to call her what pronouns

[jade] claims to be a boy but then like.. claims to be agender

[jade] but then says they ARENT agender and like...

[jade] but like. just because they dont want labels?

[jade] idk what were u gonna say abt tearzah

[me] ok i can see that other stuff as faking it but like. i dont see how you cant be trans if you post shirtless pics or whatever

[jade] oh i mean

[me] also idk?? what i was gonna say

[jade] thats more the fact that she claims to have dysphoria but then like. does this”

jade straight up policing how dysphoria should work for others. and no it doesnt end there. i mean its jade we’re talking abt here. theyre really weird abt dysphoria not only from this, but asking me this question out of nowhere.

“[bot] Disconnected.

[jade] yo rae im just wondering but do u have dysphoria

[me] sometimes yes

[jade] vawid”

which is.. such an odd question to ask out of nowhere.

“[jade] do they claim

[jade] to have dysphoria”

jade talking abt tearzah and asking if they ‘claim’ to have dysphoria. and only to top the cake...

“[jade] dysphoria my fat ass cmon (picture of tearzah and their gf shirtless)”

so theres a good chance jade is transmed and they probablyare with how badly they try to avoid talking abt these screenshots. i think that alone says a lot.

update 3/31/19:

its been brought to my attention jade is claiming i made this all up. but really how could i be making this up when i have these screenshots. especially this one of jade blatantly using the term “transtrender”.

“Anonymous asked: in the call outs it shows u doubting people’s dysphoria and posting their pics to say the must not? why do this if not tr//scum? im confused and i do not want to follow tr//scum ideology thank u for answer

laineys whole transtrender or like. honestly whatever u wanna call it idk thing is like. a big topic for anti onision shit (which i follow like? kinda loosely but not rlly) so like. if literally just explaining it makes me transmed and pointing out how lainey fucking sucks (she does and if you are literally going to defend onisions wife in my inbox i’ll vomit blood all over my keyboard) makes me transmed and pointing out the Same shit with TEARZAH (god Help Me i can’t believe my abuser is so fuckign,dfkjdshfkjs she’ll defend tearzah to lie and victimize herself)”

first of all, nobody is defending lainey. i merely pointed out jade polices how ppl should experience dysphoria. and neither is the anon, as theyre implying in this ask. they simply agree jade displays the same ideologies as transmeds do. and apparently me pointing out how they even policed how tearzah should experience dysphoria means im defending them and trying to victimize myself...? way to gaslight jade. especially when all i did was show it to show more proof jade is transmed.

after someone pointing the ask out to me, i make a post on my blog calling them out on it.

“like dont get me wrong i fucking hate tearzah but me just showing proof of you being a freak and policing how ppl should experience dysphoria……. isnt………………. me defending anyone. nor is it even me trying to victimize myself. like what. crack are you on. its just proof you have transmed ideology. like i. really dont know what else to tell you. you just exposed yourself even more by using “transtrender” btw. what transmed doesnt say that honestly.

so im gonna have to ask you again to pull your head out of your ass and act human for once.“

and only minutes later does jade rb that same ask, to say this and try and backpedal.

“LIKE my point wasnt to call lainey a transtrender bc its fucking stupid but like basically thts what the whole subject is abt?? but like then again. cant speak for everyone so”

and they make yet another post right after, practically digging their own grave.

“claiming dysphoria and then posting topless selfies is sus and contradictory so shoot me i guess

#look up body dysphoria perhaps”

i think we can all conclude at this point that jade is definitely transmed.

[herefortheace]

Hey, so I read your FAQ & the question that reads “Can I follow you if I’m not an inclusionist, yes, as long as you don’t condone any anti-ace/aro stuffs” I don’t think this is safe for you cuz even if some exclusionists are following you genuinely, there’s some chance that they might argue with any aspec person or they reblog anti-ace/aro posts on their blog. I don’t want exclusionists to attack you because you’re aspec

hey thanks for your concern!! I’m not personally overly worried about this though because if someone starts shit I can (and WILL) still hit that block button so they’d no longer be able to follow.

Most of what I post about is extremely vile, blatant anti-ace/aro shit and I know there are people who aren’t inclusionists who’re hurt by that stuff. And I mean, if someone’s inclined to be nasty to aces/aros, the chances of them wanting to follow this blog for non-bullshit reasons are extremely low, because that’s exactly the sort of thing I constantly call out? People like that tend to loathe me and “having” to come across my posts at all lol (even though for some reason they frequently choose not to block me and instead complain about what a hysterical screeching menace - who has the audacity to make posts - I am).

And I mean there’s always a chance ppl will follow me who’re scum. I don’t think there’s much to do about that except making it clear when I can that I don’t tolerate vile crap. If they start shit/I somehow notice they are scum they won’t be following for much longer though.

If someone who’s not an inclusionist wants to follow me (which I don’t think even happens often at all though idk since I don’t check. but at least I don’t think a lot of exclusionists want anything to do with me) for sincere reasons I’m gonna assume they’re good reasons to me. And maybe there are also ppl who’ll learn sth from my posts or those of others I rb. So far I’ve not had any problem with this approach (I mean let’s be real most shitty ppl in this mess can barely be bothered to read my blog description let alone my FAQ which is also the reason they’d constantly pretend I don’t have receipts for shit when I didn’t immediately link them somewhere for the 100000th time lol)

(Also when I say “not an inclusionist” I don’t just mean exclusionists)

I hope this makes sense I’m a bit tired. And yeah thank you for your concern