#This is for a tree growing in the End and I'm calling it eucalyptus. this is because I watched a series YEARS ago with a blue + little-

[fantasykiri5]

Chat which do we like more, with or without the extra little patches of colors (ignore that the bark edge on the top isn't finished- I'm gonna do it once I've figured put the rest of the bark)

[hummingbee-lievable]

Song of the Day #24:

'Mile Magnificent' by Molly OfGeography (released 2019).

An apartment when it's empty echoes lovely, bright and clean

Sing odes to green-blue water that we stole so it comes free

All things end, it's part of living; forest fires feed the trees

Lift your glasses full of sunshine, sing a toast to gasoline

Track #4 on 'Myths'.

Fun fact: Molly refers to this song as 'The Song My Producer Said I Was Not Allowed To Name “CHICAGO IS BETTER THAN NEW YORK”'.* Honestly, her descriptions for some of the songs on this album are hilarious:

'1) The Song That Made My Producer Go, “Wait, What Was That Bit About Worms?”

2) The Song My Producer Said I Had To Append A Parenthetical To So That People Would Be Able To Find It Because The Lyrics Never Mention The Title Once But I Was Raised On Fanfiction So Joke’s On You, Pal! I Love A Long Title With A Parenthetical In It!!!

3) The Song That Is Sad'

Pretty dang accurate, honestly. Also, I think she has a Tumblr!!! *Gasp.* What if I...tag her???

@ofgeography Hiiii and thank you, your music is amazing.

I did it bees and knees (yes, this is my hip modern way of including every kind of person, fight me or provide more hilarious options; I'm content with either option).

I have had a fun time perusing this flavourful dose of humanity's wild website and I think my fun fact today should be her story where she becomes a donut god:

You're welcome, singular entity that reads this blog (that entity being my sister and/or the rogue bots, doesn't matter, we're all friends here).

Personal blurb: Alright, full disclosure time: I discovered this artist because of the 'Good Omens' fandom. Someone said we were missing out on feelings and shared this song, and when I tell you I felt those feelings, I certainly don't mean that I danced to this on repeat for several months (and her 'Hanahaki (Bloom)'), often at 3 in the morning in the bathroom. Of course not.

Pro tip: dancing with your toothbrush in your mouth is a choking hazard, but in the spirit of Alanis Morissette, I recommend doing it anyway:

One of my favourite books in the world is 'The Overstory' by Richard Powers. In it, one of the themes that arises often is the concept of pyrophitic serotinous plants (it's okay, I won't remember it either). They are plants that need fire to open. (There are actually different types of pyrophitic plants, from passive to fire-activated but I probably shouldn't start talking about that because you'll need to pull out the duct tape.)

(Technically, 'serotinous' plants are a category in which plants release seeds over a longer period of time, and it doesn't matter how they are released, but the seeds that open by fire fit into this category.) The eucalyptus tree, the lodgehole pine, and other pyrophitic serotinous trees encase their seeds in resin that can only be melted by fire (thereby releasing the seeds).

The thing that I love about this concept is this: we need to burn to grow. I recently read this book called 'Life in Oil' about the Cofàn tribe in Ecuador who were drastically impacted by oil companies. And the thing was: Yes. They were impacted horribly (physically, psychologically, environmentally, the works). They also survived. They figured out, through tumult and trial and falling apart, how to keep going. And for every hard moment and loss, there was laughter and love to accompany it. The book was wonderful in that it confronted the concept of trauma on a large group of people. We are never just our trauma, but the balance of everything else as well. I think that gets lost, sometimes. Makes us seem less human.

This song screams to me of that same instinct. I mean, look at us. This is what we do, isn't it? We fight, we fall, we continue. We're just like every other aspect of nature in that we are born, and in our fight to continue, we impact everything around us. We're just a part of the cycle and eventually we will decay back to where we belong and serve as soil for our children. And all we'll be? A story. And after a while, not even that. Just a whisper of what was.

In a way? I find that freeing. We might as well live the life we want to live; how little it will matter. (This isn't absolution, please don't go murdering people.) I just mean that I don't have to put so much weight into every little thing. Not everything has to be joyful or depressing (and if we really think about it, everything is always a balance of both). It can just be what it is.

We are as we are. And we don't have to love ourselves for it, but we don't have to hate ourselves either.

I love the lyrics to this song. For a long time, I misheard 'We're animals of love/ the city never makes us beg' as 'the city never makes us pay' and I don't know why? But I kind of like that image.

We are animals of love. And that's okay.

We are the cogs in a continuous cycle and we always will be.

I think often of this monologue (content warning for the video, it's gory, but you don't need to watch it, you can just listen) from 'Midnight Mass', in regards to this:

(It sort of lives in my brain on a regular basis now; hope it takes up good residence in your brain, too.)

We just are. Everything just is.

[threeeyedharemp3]

sometime last year, in the summer, we were all just sitting at some on some average afternoon, and suddenly there's this cracking noise really really loud and a sound like gravel being tipped out or something, just loud and crunchy. and i look out the window just in time to see that this massive old eucalyptus tree that was just past the back fence of my backyard had fallen over. I just saw the ends of some of the branches waving around, much lower than usual. so naturally we all go out side, and the sky looks so much emptier. and i always loved that tree.

it would have taken to long to get the gate open, but i think i climbed up on it and stuck my head over? but i couldn't see properly, so i ran around the corner and down into the little park by the river the tree was (is) in. and this tree was really really massive, let me say, like at least three people would be needed to wrap your arms around it. there were two eucalyptus growing right beside each other, their roots all wrapped and intertwined, and people had formed a little path between the two trunks. it was the bigger tree, the one that was leaning over the river, that had fallen, had just cracked near the base, revealing that the inside was hollow and the sap was this bloody red colour. i'm not making that up, it was red as anything, i picked a bit up and still have it.

as it went down it had taken a gouge out of a tree on the other side of the river, and a branch had struck the shoulder of a guy who was just standing by his car, and hit his car pretty bad too, maybe. someone called an ambulance for him, i think he broke his shoulder but was probably mostly in shock. and there were people on both side of the river all standing around the fallen tree and this guy and his car just. looking. it wasn't like it was a windy day or anything, the tree just fell out of nowhere. the specific kind of eucalyptus it was dropped these little round hard seedcases that collected around it that people would always trip on. i've done it myself.

and later some people came and plastic taped off the area where the tree was laying, and eventually some people properly cut it down, leaving this big hollow stump with traces of hard red sap (i'm pretty sure it was red because of some kind of fungus. would be cool if it grew red mushrooms), and the little path between it and the other tree. and a gap in the skyline. looking out the window was disconcerting because it just felt so empty. the tree had always been there, i couldn't remember living anywhere else.

and it was just gone. out of nowhere. and it was just a tree but i was really upset.

[unluckyhoneybee]

The Handsome Artist. 19. (Daniel Ricciardo)

Perth. Abi is in love with Perth, the Ricciardos and the farm. But not everything is a fairytale.

MASTERLIST.

Previous part: Australia

Note: the beginning of this was supposed to be the end of last chapter. I had to rewrote it and it's just not the same. 😭

Warning: +18. Oral s*x (f receiving) at the end.

I was awake by a engine roaring. I brushed my eyes and turned to Danny's side of the bed. It was empty. I got up and got ready, walking downstairs and wondering were he would be this early. I found Grace on the kitchen setting the coffee machine.

"Good morning"

"Good morning, Abigail."

I bit my lip and walked closer to her.

"Call me Abi, please"

She looked at me and smiled.

"Okay"

"Where is Dan?"

"Joe and him had to go with some of the guys to check the cattle. Some fence broke and they found sheep on the road"

"Oh" It made me smile. I had gotten so used to seen him working on his sanitized studio that it was a bit hard to imagine him in the fields fixing some fence. "Farmer duties?"

She chuckled.

"He used to say he wanted to be a cowboy when he was a kid." Grace said trying not to laugh. "Also a race driver. Then he started drawing and... He is amazing at it. He saw a guy with tattoos and it started there." She smiled with melancholy.

I caressed her shoulder.

"And you? I suppose that growing up in a plants store helps"

I nodded.

"It's what I've always known. That shop is my whole life and I wouldn't change it for anything"

"It's a beautiful place, I understand."

The coffee hissed and we both sat to have breakfast together. After 4 days here, I already felt at home.

"You should go and..."

The door opened.

"Mum?"

"Here!"

"Grandma!"

The kids ran into the kitchen, followed by Michelle.

They hugged Grace first and then me.

"Look! We brought this eucalyptus for you because Mum say they smell good" Isaac said.

"Oh well, thank you very much, guys" I kissed their heads.

"And I found this for grandma" Izzy gave Grace a little star shaped rock.

"Thank you, it's beautiful"

"Where is Uncle Dan?"

"The fence broke" Grace said.

"Oh! The sheep! Can I go and help them fixing it?"

"You can't go alone. Let's call Grandpa and if he is free he can..."

"I can go with him"

Izzy's eyes lightened.

"I want to go too"

I smiled at her.

"Yeah?"

She nodded.

"Well, if Mum and Grandma are fine with it"

"Oh, it's easy to arrive. You can take the buggy."

"Yes! It's so cool. Uncle Dan drives it super fast"

"Well, vey much to your mum liking, I won't drive super fast, Isaac" I said chuckling.

Michelle laughed.

"I'm glad Danny found you"

We laughed.

"Let's go."Isaac said.

"Just follow the main road and then the first turn to the left."

I nodded. The kids and me went to the buggy and Isaac was the best teacher.

"Uncle Dan sometimes let's me drive"

I gasped and looked at him. We were already on the road.

"He does what?"

"He let's me seat on his lap and I use the wheel. But I can't reach the pedals."

"Oh"

The farm was beautiful, red lands, tall trees,... I loved the nature in there. It was so perfect. And after a while driving, we saw them.

"There!"

I saw Dan and Joe getting up and looking, some of the workers turned too. I bit my lip.

Daniel was wearing a flannel shirt and a hat. I remembered what Grace had said and I smiled to myself. He looked good and his smile was so big.

I stopped the car and the kids jumped.

"Can I help?" Isaac said when he was already hanging from his Grandpa's neck.

Daniel had walked to me and wrapped me in a big hug.

"How is Auntie Abi doing?"

"I slept like a baby" He kissed my nose.

"Sorry I left. They called pretty early"

"It's fine" I kissed his lips.

"Auntie!"

I looked at Izzy.

"Not shy anymore?" Danny whispered.

"Nop. She is here cute self again"

"Auntie! Looooook!"

"Go there or she'll start shouting"

I giggled.

While the boys worked on that fence, Isabella and I spent some time picking plants.

"So... This helps with sore heads?"

"Head aches. That's how it's called. And yes"

"Mum has headaches after work"

"Let's take some for hair"

She kept putting plants on her pockets.

"And this flower?"

"This flower is food for insects."

"Oh. What do we do?"

"We better leave it here so they can come and eat some"

I got up from the floor and she took my hand.

"Hey! Girls! Look!"

I followed Joe's finger. The sheep were there.

"Puaj" Izzy said. I laughed.

"They are cute" I said.

"They are smelly"

Daniel walked to us and touched her cheek.

"What are those plants?"

"This one for mummy head... Heaches! This other one is for food because is tasty. And this one..." She touched her lip while she was thinking. "Yes! It smells good and we can make oil with it"

"Wow, did Auntie Abi taught you all of it?"

"Mhm" She said smiling.

"Abi! Look! This one has a baby"

Isaac came and grabbed my hand. He was excited.

"It's a lamb"

"Oh look at this. It's so cute..." I said touching the baby's head. The mother was there looking.

"They are super nice because Sally and Hector take super good care of them and they are friends with humans."

"That's amazing, Isaac." I said pinching his cheek.

A little drop of water fell.

"Dan. It seems like it's gonna rain." Joe said. "Go back, we have almost finished."

Danny nodded.

He took the driver seat this time.

"A little bird told me you let a kid drive sometimes."

"He is good, I promise" He said lifting his hands. "And I'm careful. I'm a full grown man"

"Sure"

I sat and reach for Izzy, sitting her between us and putting my hand on her legs. She found my rings and bracelets so interesting. Isaac climbed on Danny's lap.

"Let's go buddy."

It was funny. Danny had his hands on the wheel too helping Isaac, but the boy truly know how to drive. Izzy was giggling and laughing.

"He is so silly" She said.

"He is" I touched her nose.

By the time we arrived to the house, it was already raining.

"Come here, sweetheart" Izzy wrapped herself around me and I ran with her to the porch. Obviously Danny wasn't that careful and him and Isaac stepped on a couple of puddles.

"Uncle Dan! Grandma will get angry for sure"

"You better not get inside like that!" We heard Grace.

The storm made us stay at home, but the kids were quickly with their paper and pencils. They sat in the living room and started drawing.

"I'm drawing flowers."

"Yes. And me."

Daniel looked at me and pulled me to his side. He hugged me and hid on my neck. I could feel his smile on my neck.

Danny had been a ball of happiness this days. Not even this big storm made him frown a little. There was nothing that could make him upset. He was so happy to be at home.

"Here. Some tea for your cold hands" Michelle passed us two cups and we pulled apart.

The three of us sat together observing the kids.

"Can I post some pics with them?" I asked her with pink cheeks.

"Sure. It's fine"

"Okay thanks"

"Auntie. Do you like Australia?" Isabella asked.

"I love it, honey"

"More than Los Angeles?"

"Sorry sweetie, but no. My shop and my aunt are there"

Daniel hugged my shoulders and I leaned on his side.

"And you mum?"

"Izzy..." Daniel started, but I put a hand on his chest.

"No. I don't have a mum"

She looked at me.

"Sorry. My friend from school doesn't have a mum."

Michelle looked at me.

"It's fine."

"And you live with you Aunt" Isaac said frowning.

"Yes"

"We could live with Uncle Dan and you" He suggested.

We laughed.

"When you are older you can come on summer, mate"

"Yes! Christmas!"

I giggled.

The morning was slow, the storm was strong and the thunder roared in the sky.

....................................

Liked by @.mollyalberts, @.scottyjames and 125 others.

@.hopper_abigail: Auntie and Uncle available even on holiday.

↪️@.danielricciardo: my heart is so full

↪️@.mollyalbets: can't wait to give you two a niece (it's a joke but if you want it's not a joke)

↪️@.michaelitaliano: the best kids

.................................

"Look what I found!" Grace appeared out of nowhere with a book on her hands and instantly Danny covered his face.

"Mum. I'm begging you"

Baby Ric. (link for inspo and cuteness overload, but also hot young Danny)

"Old photos?" I asked smiling. Grace nodded and sat next to me.

"Abi has to see this, son"

"No, she has not. Mum I was a mess"

I touched his leg.

"I'm sure you were the cutest. Don't worry" He crossed his arms on his chest and frowned, but a kiss on the cheek was enough.

"I want to see it!"

Isaac jumped and sat on my legs, making me huff a bit. Then Izzy ran too and sat between Grace and I.

We started watching the album, cute baby pics, toddler pics,... Daniel was the cutest boy.

"Just look at that. That smile" I said pointing at the photo and turning to look at him. "You were such a cute boy"

"Grandma! That's my car!" Isaac said pointing at the toy car Danny was driving in the photo.

"That's my car, buddy." He said tickling the boy.

"Look, this was Michelle's 10 birthday. Dan climbed a tree and what happens when you climb a tree?"

"You can fall" Izzy answered.

"Exactly. He fell."

Daniel laughed.

"My first bloody nose."

"Uncle Dan was so small" Izzy said.

"I grew a lot, right?"

"Mhm."

We kept watching photos, the kids were amazing to see their uncle so little and I was dying because he was the cutest. Then Grace passed a page and I gasped.

"OH no" Daniel leaned back on the sofa and covered his face. I could still see the blush on his neck though. "Mum, I'm gonna burn that thing."

It was Danny. Probably 16 or 17 years old. His hair was so much longer even covering his ears a bit, he had this crocked teeth and an earring. He was with friends.

"Oh. Look. This is Michael. He was in the rugby team." Grace told me. "He was already a big guy. Danny was skinny"

"Uncle Dan had chicken legs" Isaac said and made us all laughing.

"You want the tickles monster to attack, don't you?"

Isaac laughed and hid on me.

"Abi won't always be there to safe you... One of this days I will tickle her before and then I will go for you!"

"No!"

Isaac tried to hide.

"Auntie!"

"Danny!"

Daniel laughed and lifted his hands.

"Stop, please. We are watching your pics"

He rolled his eyes but leaned and kissed my shoulder.

Izzy passed the page again and I felt my checks warming.

"Why do you have those mum?"

"You were a handsome boy, Dan".

"I wasn't, look at that hair"

I bit my lip and looked at him.

"You looked good" I said and felt my cheeks burning.

He frowned and smiled.

"Did I?"

I nodded slowly.

"I would have thought you were a prick, I'm sure. But you were cute"

"A prick" He gasped.

I giggled and nodded.

"He was always on detention, paring and failed more exams than he did."

I laughed.

"I was the weird girl at the back who was always studying. I would have hated you because you were probably so noisy."

"But you would have secretly had a crush on me because I was noisy but charming"

I blushed and laughed.

"Maybe"

He smiled at me and pinched my cheek softly. I turned my face and kissed his hand.

"The afro was fine, really" I said. "I have my doubts with that earring though"

"It's ugly, Auntie"

"A bit, but Shh" I whispered to Izzy, who giggled.

"Hey!"

"This one was right before you gor the braces"

Daniel was blushing a lot. But it was cute.

"Danny, babe. There is no need to be embarrassed. You were a really handsome guy, I promise" I patted his leg.

"Oh! From when your friend's husband cut your hair!"

"Mum! I was a full grown man! I had beard! And pubes!"

I laughed. It was a photo of him with a mullet. And he looked handsome.

"I like the haircut."

"I like it too" Izzy said.

Daniel leaned and kissed Izzy's head.

"It's so embarrassing"

The day went like that, spent at home and playing with the kids. They were drawing something together, asking Danny for help but not letting me see it.

After lunch, when we were both laying on the sofa, cuddling under the blanket with the kids taking a nap on our side, he received a message.

Mike: hey, the guys want to go and have some beers.

Mike: are you guys coming.

Daniel looked down at me.

"Wanna meet my childhood friends?"

The nerves settled on my belly. I had met his friends from home. Why not his childhood friends?

"Um..."

"We can stay if you want. Or... I don't know. You can stay" He whispered the last part.

I turned and hug him, laying my cheek on his chest.

"I want to go..."

"But..." He hugged me tighter and kissed my forehead. "Where is the but?"

"I'm nervous. I... I'm not good with people"

I felt his smile on my skin.

"Love, you are. You are just a bit shy. But everyone adores you"

I sighed.

"Can you stay with me?"

"Of course. Plus... Blake and Michael will be there too."

I smiled.

"Okay"

He kissed my nose and then my lips. His fingers found their way on my hair, pulling softly and making me gasp on his mouth.

"I hope everyone is already asleep when we come back"

I bit my lip ran my fingers over his lower back.

.................................

"You look so perfect" Danny said and leaned to kiss my neck. I giggled and pushed him away. "Ready?"

I nodded. I was nervous, though.

"Give me a kiss"

I leaned and kissed him deeply.

I could do this. It was just a night out with some friends. I could do this.

Danny POV.

Abigail grabbed my hand hard and pressed herself against me right when we stepped in the bar. The music was loud and it looked exactly how it had looked when I was barely a kid.

"Oh fuck!"

I looked back when Abi squeaked. Michael was there giggling.

"Sorry! I thought you heard me"

"Mike, mate. Don't do that to my girl!"

Abi, without letting my hand go, hugged Michael with a smile.

"Don't scare me like that, idiot"

"Sorry, sorry."

We went where the guys were, all of them getting up to say hi.

"Mate, it's been ages!"

I hugged them all tight.

"I missed you fucker!"

"Guys! This is Abigail" I said hugging her to my side. I looked down at her and she was smiling. "Be nice to her, idiots. It's her first time in Australia"

She looked at me with big eyes.

"It'll be fine" I smiled and she nodded. "Come here. He is Connor. Jackson, or Jacky. Alan. And last but not less important, Gregory Arthur"

"Greg. Only Greg" He said.

"Nice to meet you guys."

We sat and Abi smiled at Blake.

The night was good. We were having fun and catching up. Abi seemed to be comfortable. Shy but comfortable. I think Blake helped a lot with that.

"How did you meet?" Connor asked.

"I got a tattoo." Abi said blushing.

"Oh! A classic"

I looked at him. What?

"A classic?" Abi asked.

"Well, I'm sure this one has met many many people on that studio" He said elbowing Greg.

I felt something on my chest. Something strange. Then Abi fixed her composture and I looked at her. She had a tight smile.

"What did you got? I hate to admit it, but Danny is good" Jacky asked curious.

"A plant. On my chest" As always, she blushed when she mentioned where the tattoo was. "And yes, he is good"

"On your chest? Wow" Connor add. I looked at him and he gave me a smile. "You know, Rose said she would come over. She got divorced a few weeks ago"

Michael looked at me and gave me his breathe deeply eyes. I tried to. I don't know who Connor was trying to do, but this wasn't was I was expecting.

"She said you haven't talked since you left" He kept taking.

I felt Abi's hand on my leg.

"We haven't, no." I drank from my beer and touched Abi's hand under the table. I felt as if she could know what he was talking about. "She didn't answer the first three calls. I stopped calling. Easy"

"Wow mate, everyone thought she was the one"

Abi tightened her fingers around mine and I felt all the eyes on us.

"Well. She obviously wasn't" I said. "I have Abigail now. And I'm more than happy with her. I couldn't ask for anything better"

Connor nodded slowly.

"Okay, mate"

"You know what? Cheers." Alan lifted his beer. "For Dan and Abigail."

I chuckled and looked at Abi. She gave me a small smile and lift her beer.

"Cheers"

But as soon as it was over, she appeared.

"Guys!"

She looked older. Her hair has pulled back in a bun and she had a different style. Rose had changed a lot since the last time.

"So... Your ex girlfriend?" I looked at Abi.

"Yeah. From high school." I said.

She nodded.

"Okay. She is beautiful"

I bit my lip.

"Abi"

"It's fine, Dan"

And then Rose came to the table and sat next to Connor and Michael and I saw how it wasn't. It wasn't fine. Abigail shit down and stopped participating in the conversations.

"You have changed a lot, Daniel!" Rose said. "And you? Are you Blake's girl?"

I felt the heat coming to my cheeks.

"No, Rose. She is Abigail. My girlfriend."

Abigail shifted on her seat uncomfortably.

"I'm going to the restroom"

"Abi..." I tried to stop her, but she looked into my eyes and I knew that the best would be letting her go there.

She left and we all stayed in silence.

Michael was looking at me. The others were in silence.

"Sorry. I didn't know. She is... Different. I always imagined you would end with someone different" Rose said.

"Yeah mare. She is not your type. She is all quite and awkward. Doesn't speak much huh?"

"Connor" Blake warned.

"Does she even have sex or is she waiting till marriage?" He said and started laughing.

I left my beer on the table and they all looked at me.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I don't know mate. She is so... Plain. She hasn't even spoken!"

"Plain? Abigail is nothing but plain, you fucking dick. She is the most amazing woman I've ever known. You don't know her. And you barely know me anymore. So you better shit that fucking mouth."

"Daniel, mate." Michael called for my attention and I looked at him. "Go and check her. Breathe a bit, okay?"

I got up and walked away. Who the fuck did he thought he was?

I found Abi at the door. It was raining and she couldn't go outside, but she was leaning against the wall.

"Abigail"

She lifted her head and looked at me. I sighed when I saw that at least, she wasn't crying.

"I'm sorry" She whispered.

I walked to her and hugged her.

"Don't be." I kissed her head. "I didn't know he was such a moron"

Abi hid her face on my neck and I caressed her hair.

"And Rose... I'm sorry for that."

She shook her head.

"It's not your fault, Dan" She whispered.

I leaned and kissed her cheek.

"Do you want to go home?" I cupped her chin and made her look at me.

"We can stay for a bit more if you want."

"I don't want you to..."

"Dan, honey" She grabbed me by the back of my head. "They are your friends. I can manage being there with Connor and Rose."

"We can leave anytime you want" I told her.

"I know. I'll tell you if I need to"

I leaned and pressed my lips to hers.

"I love you" I whispered.

She smiled and kissed me again, deeper this time.

Soon we were back inside. We sat and Abi threaded our fingers. I gave Connor a death glare. He would behave or I would punch him.

And then Blake made this stupid joke and Abigail laughed. Rose was looking at her. And then she looked at me. I moved my arm over Abigail and brought her closer. Rose looked away.

Abigail's POV.

"Bye, Abi" Rose hugged me and I just waited for it to be over. "It has been a pleasure"

"It's Abigail, actually" I told her.

She looked surprise.

"Sorry, I just thought that... Daniel calls you Abi"

"Yeah, but Danny is my boyfriend" I said smiling.

Blake, who was cassualy standing next to me, chuckled. We walked away, to where Daniel was talking with Michael and Jacky.

"Asserting dominance?" Blake asked with a smile.

I laughed.

"Maybe"

"Well done"

Daniel and I made the whole road to the farm in silence, only the music filling the car. His hand was on mine and I was playing with his fingers.

It had been awkward. The way they talked and looked at me had made me feel small. As of I didn't belong there.

Daniel stopped the car.

"Do you know what I want to do?"

I looked at him.

"What?"

"Go for a swim"

"Swimming?" I gasped.

"It's not raining anymore. The water is warm. Everyone is sleeping" He said with a tiny smile. "Keep me in company, please. Even if you don't swim. I promise I won't get you wet"

I bit my lip trying to not comment on that last one but he started laughing before I could.

"Won't get me wet?"

"With water. I can't control how you body reacts to this beautiful face"

"Dork" I rolled my eyes and opened the door.

I got into more comfortable clothes and went outside. He was already swimming on his underwear, his lean body moved on the water and I felt hypnotized. I took my trousers of and sat on the edge, dipping my legs on the water.

I was tired and wanted nothing more than to go bed, but this time of quietness and calm with him sound too nice.

Daniel came out of water and looked at me.

"That's my hoodie?"

I nodded. He smiled and swam to me.

"You look pretty"

"Thank you."

He gently grabbed my ankles to keep himself close to me.

"Can we talk about the bar? I... I need to know you are okay with it."

I sighed.

"Yes."

"Are you?"

"No" I said and felt the tears in my eyes.

"Okay, I supposed. Do you... Do you want to tell me what bothered you? I don't want this to happen again, I want you to come back to Perth and be happy here."

"I'm happy here, Daniel..."

I caressed his face and ran my finger over his cheek.

"Then?"

I took a deep breath.

"I'm not your type. I'm not the kind of girl you have dated, right?"

"No" He simply said.

I let a shaky breath out and ran my fingers over his hair.

"Are you sure it's me who you want?" I whispered.

His eyes opened like plates.

"Abigail" He gasped.

"Answer, Daniel. Just that. There is no problem"

"I'm sure it's you. I knew the moment I saw you"

I let my breath out.

"You are the only want I want. Ever. The best thing I've had." Danny kissed my thigh.

"I love you, Daniel. So so much"

He kissed the palm of my hand.

"Rose didn't want me to go" He said. "She almost made me chose. Never said that, but yeah. We were kids. It was my first relationship."

"Why did he said everyone thought she was the one?"

Danny sighed.

"We were the typical teen couple. Just that. Cute kids dating for longer than two months. It was kind of a serious relationship."

I nodded.

"I was just a kid. She was my first everything. But I wanted to grow and learn. And I wanted to leave. I wanted to make it work, but she didn't even try. She just ignored me."

I brushed a drop falling from this forehead and following his nose.

"I've been with many people, Abi. But you are the most special of them. I have never been so sure of something."

I smiled.

"Thank you"

"For what"

"this. Talking. Trying to help"

"It's nothing. You are my girl. I want you to be happy."

"Thank you very much"

He smiled and kissed my leg again.

"Can I try and make you feel better?"

"I'm already fee- oh." I blushed when I realized what he was talking about. "Okay"

"Good" He was so gentle while moving me to the edge of the pool and closer to his face. I gasped when he pulled my panties to the side and the cold air hit me.

He smiled.

He traced shapes on my lower belly, hips, belly button,...

"Open this legs for me"

"What if..."

"Stay quiet then"

I smiled and nodded, opening my legs wider for him. As he had already showed me many times, Daniel was an expert on this.

He hummed when he tasted me for the first time, closing his eyes and diving furder in me. I whimpered and grabbed his hair.

"Fuck, Danny" I whispered and let my head fall back. I closed my eyes ad focused on him, on the pleasure he was giving me.

Daniel was giving my clit long and slow strokes, he was messy and sloppy, but fuck... The way it felt.

"Oh Dan... You feel so good" I whimpered.

"Shh baby"

Short waves of water moved around him as he put his whole body on it. The sounds that left his mouth were more than unholy. He was humming and moaning, groaning as I pulled his black curls. He was eating me out as if it was the last thing he would do on his life. And boy, it was so perfect.

The blue lights of the pool made him looked even better. He was mine. Only mine. And somehow it was still difficult to believe it sometimes. But at the end he was here with me. He was here making me feel all this thing, my sking tingle and mind dizzy. He made me cover my mouth with my hand to not shout out loud. He made me forget we were here and his family was close. He made me forget about everything else because I could only think of him.

Then he made me see stars. Everything exploded and I felt like drowning. The hoodie was too much, my cheeks were burning.

"Fuck... Danny..."

He pulled back and I felt cold. His eyes were bright and his lips were swollen. I reached and ran my finger over his bottom lip.

"Are you feeling better?"

Having probably lost every last drop of self consciousness for the night, I reached for the hoodie and took it off. I laughed when the cold air hit me, but I let myself fall on his arms anyway. The warm water and Danny hugged me, my boyfriend pulling me close and pushing himself away from the wall and intk the middle of the pool.

I snaked my arms around his neck and kissed his lips, tasting myself on them and playing with his tongue.

"You, us... I haven been so sure of anything either. I just love you so much and I don't think I could be happier with anyone else"

He moved my hair out of my face and observed me quietly.

"It makes me incredibly happy to hear that"

Next part: Birthday.

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[jay-works]

Hi, I saw your comment about rayon and how it can be made from the by products of other processes, which is extremely cool… I was wondering if you have any advice you’re willing to give on finding the more sustainable rayon?I’ve been concerned about using bamboo because I read that it uses some very toxic chemicals during production and some factories that produce it have polluted rivers and communities nearby.

I have eucalyptus yarn which is apparently produced in a safer manner (a closed loop system iirc?) and feels amazing, but I’d love to hear if you’ve got any other tips or recommendations please!

Hi! Aw, thanks for reaching out. I think this is the first time I've had anything I've written get this much traction!

I'm gonna preface by saying that my formal professional experience around textile science is one course, so there's likely people who can speak on this better than me, but I did some digging and got you some sources for yourself.

So rayon is a class of fabrics with a number of different 'makes', and every different name represents a different process. Sometimes that difference is just the base material used (lyocell is made of eucalyptus trees and modal is made of beech trees for example, but both use the same method of manufacturing, which I'll touch on). Sometimes the difference is the method of manufacturing. Tencel brand rayons (the two I mentioned above) have a different manufacturing process to viscose or acetate. So if you know what 'type' of rayon your material is, that'll inform most of your buying decision.

Rayons are made by dissolving plant material in chemical solvents, and then extruding that plant goo through another chemical bath that restabilizes the goo into yarn filaments that can be worked with.

This basic process is universal for all rayons, but within those steps are a lot of things that manufacturers can tweak to change how the process works, or to change how the end material behaves. Generally speaking, the faster a rayon is produced, the less expensive it will be- but it'll also be a lower quality product and the chemical byproducts are harsh/need disposal.

But textile scientists have been working on this issue for a while, and every new iteration of rayon runs better than earlier ones. Chemicals that can be recycled and reused are more expensive, and tweaking stages of the process to make better fabrics adds time to the process. Rayon can definitely be sustainable- it just hasn't been considered popular to make it that way until these last couple decades.

This might all seem extraneous info, but the complexity of it is why it's hard to definitively call an entire class of fabrics 'sustainable' or not. So here is my guide on sustainable rayon purchasing!

-if the garment or fabric bolt shares the brand name of the rayon it is, that's a good sign. You can google the name of it for specifics, but also, if they have a tag advertising the brand of rayon it is, they usually have a blurb on a tag about why the brand is special.

-Anything made under the TENCEL brand is the best stuff on the market re: sustainable practices. Modal and Lyocell are both under the Tencel name. Exactly what you said- these ones operate on a closed loop system where the chemicals and water are re-used for their respective purposes. They also use crops that are fast growing without as much need for water to process.

-Avoid the bargains unless you can verify the source of the rayon. If the base price is excitingly cheap (garment or fabric), the rayon is definitely gonna be low quality.

-Shop from like-minded, small businesses. Fabric shops that have a smaller curated selection are more likely to carry more expensive but higher quality products. If they have spent money on the good stuff, they almost always let you know in the product description.

-if you want rayon but can't get the good stuff, a rayon blended with other natural fibres is a decent compromise from a mitigated harm perspective.

-TO AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE: Acetate, viscose, bemberg, 'vintage rayon'. The earliest makes of rayon are temperamental to water, heat, and friction (severly so- the earliest makes of rayon would dissolve in water!). They do not stand the test of time, and the older the method, the harsher its manufacturing process.

I'll say one last thing: although sustainable practices ask us to prioritize thrifting and reusing, remember to also consider the investment of your money. While it's ethical to thrift, it's not doing what it's supposed to if you're purchasing things that need frequent replacement. When it counts, buying one thing new that will stay with you for years will be more sustainable than buying x6 of it secondhand over the same span of time.

This got way longer than it needed to be, sorry! Too lazy to edit. Here's some sources:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rayon

The sources in the wikipedia article are also an excellent place to dig further. Hope this helps!

[lifesbetterasamermaid]

I'm so curious about what Niall was thinking during that breakup in the last chapter *eye emoji*

a fun fact: this story was born from my boredom back when the world kinda imploded in march and i wrote/shared this with two friends and it was all in niall’s pov....and then i got REALLY bored and decided to write a whole thing

anyways, below the cut is the end of part 4 (also known as the only break up i’ve ever written) from lost in the light set in niall’s pov. enjoy :)

Some people needed a reason for everything. Niall was one of those people. Sometimes it was just little things he was curious about; why did every sunset look different, why did mosquito bites itch so badly, why could he never understand maths while in school. Small, inconsequential things. But Niall always wanted to know. More often than not it got him in trouble. No one ever liked the kid always asking, why? Then he grew up. And the thing with growing up was life got even more confusing. 

All those small curiosities evolved. Taking on a life of their own. Like the night his mum had packed Niall and his brother, still in pajamas, in the back of the car and driven away -their home nothing more than a still life in the rearview mirror. Niall had babbled endlessly, asking his mum why they had left. Eventually, she had pulled the car over, face in her hands, and explained they would have two houses now. There was the time Niall had been sixteen and his first proper girlfriend Riya had broken up with him outside the pub. Shattered, Niall hadn’t been able to help but ask why? Turned out she had wanted someone with real goals -university, a degree a career. Not someone who wanted to play in pubs and try out for reality shows. 

Looking back on that one, there is a certain irony to it. 

Years when Niall’s life had made no sense and there had been no reason behind the success that he could put a finger on. Just a kid plucked out of the middle of fucking nowhere in Ireland playing stadiums. Dumb luck, he figured. 

That was a lie though. Maybe luck in the beginning, behind everything there was a reason though. Looking back on his life -the records he had made, the success he had now -what had started as a random stroke of luck had morphed. Days and months and years, Niall had run himself ragged. The reason behind his success was hard work. His life had reasons behind nearly every aspect of it. Niall understood why things had played out the way they did. It made sense to him. 

But now, with a small box of Charlie’s things packed neatly by his front door, Niall really couldn’t seem to figure out a reason for how they had ended. 

Sure, Niall had said some pretty shitty things that kept him awake and staring at the ceiling for the past few weeks. And hindsight, he should have called Charlie the second his publicists told him about the photos. But Niall hadn’t really expected her to say, I don’t want to do this anymore….I can’t do this anymore. 

Standing in his living room, Niall lifted the beer to his lips, offhandedly thinking he should stop drinking. 

One, single box. 

It seemed odd to him how Charlie fit into one box. The past year she had seemed like the biggest thing in Niall’s life. This larger than life presence who had imploded his world with her snark and random knowledge of plants and brown eyes. That was his Charlie. No -not his. Never had been. Because even now Niall could hear Charlie giving him an earful about how women were not things who belonged to men. 

None of that was in the box. 

The box was filled with such practicality it bored him. Her toothbrush that had fit in the spot next to his on the bathroom counter. A half empty bottle of shampoo Niall knew she would want back because it cost nearly fifty dollars. A random coffee mug she had left in his cabinets ages ago. Her favorite coffee, which Niall was pretty sure he had bought but he didn’t mind. A million little details of their relationship were scattered throughout this house. Evidence of how their lives had woven together seamlessly. 

And now it all fit into an old Amazon box. 

Outside was cruelly perfect. A warm breeze blowing through the open back doors, bringing with it the smell of eucalyptus and orange trees. And the sun was just arching over the Santa Monica mountains. 

Niall had loved this about this place. So different from how he had grown up. This city was always moving, always changing, the sun always shining. The city demanded people to do something. Because when the days were this perfect it seemed careless to waste it. 

Suddenly, Niall had a longing for home. Grey skies and misting rain, Nothing but small brick homes dotting the landscape and endless green hills stretching all the way to the cliffs. The air so cold your breath froze before it got all the way out. Puddles littering the narrow streets, smoke filling the pubs, and old wooden floors sticky with spilled beer.

Once, Niall had mentioned to Charlie the idea of showing her where he had grown up. While they had laid in hotel robes off some highway in Colorado. Even half asleep he had felt her tense beside him. Because Charlie always wanted to keep Niall at arms length. They could pretend all they wanted, but the moment anything got to real, Charlie would run. 

But Niall had wanted it all. To take Charlie home. Show her London and Dublin and all the tiny places in between. Have her meet his friends in the city and show her all his favorite spots. Then take her out to the country. Show her how the night sky should look. Watch her run through the fields. Introduce her to his mum. 

Maybe that was what really ate at him. All the things he and Charlie never got to do. 

Whatever it was, it had him stomping into his bedroom and throwing open the closet doors. Hands wrapping around an old denim jacket. Tossing it into the box, and then reaching down to fold it nicely and tuck it into the bottom. Even if he was pissed, Niall hated messy things. 

And if Charlie wanted to run. Hide away and pretend it had been nothing but casual sex between them. Niall wanted her to have something to remember what a massive lie that was. 

His thoughts were cut short as his phone lit up on the coffee table. He dragged his hands over his face. Christ mate pull it together, he thought. 

I’m out front, want to let me in? 

“Fuck,” Niall breathed out, falling down onto the couch. It sunk under his weight as he reached for his beer. Eight words. And all Niall wanted to do was scroll up through their messages to a couple weeks ago. Was this how it always happened? One week everything was fine, the next nothing more than polite strangers. 

Weeks ago, Charlie would have punched the code in, used her key, and walked in like she lived here. Because she practically had. Now? Now she asked to be let in even though she had a code. And Niall would bet she would even knock.

He sent back an equally polite reply and then opened up the gate. Did he sit here? Wait? Stand up? Wait awkwardly by the door? 

Quickly, he downed the rest of his beer and then ran over to the kitchen to throw it away. Couldn't have Charlie thinking he had done nothing all day but drink beer and be sad. Sure, that was exactly what he had done but she didn’t need to know that. 

As expected, a knock echoed through the house. Freezing Niall halfway between the living room and front hall. He wiped his palms over his jeans and closed the distance to the door, reaching for the handle. 

She still looked the same. 

Niall wasn’t exactly sure what he had been expecting. Something different maybe. Something to physically show there had been a shift between them. But Charlie looked just like the girl who had laid around in his bed wearing his old shirts and who had danced around in his kitchen making omelettes. Only now she was the girl with a key in her outstretched hand. 

But on a second look, there were the subtle differences in the Charlie in front of him and the Charlie he had seen four weeks ago. Lilac colored bags under defiant eyes. Back ramrod straight, daring anyone to bother her. Her lips were chapped and pressed tightly together. And she seemed smaller than the last time Niall had seen her. Always had been small, but the edge of her jaw looked sharper and her clothes hung on her frame more than before. 

The end of a relationship was an odd thing. Because what was there left to do? Charlie had made up her mind. And Niall knew her, he knew there was nothing that could change this. Hurling insults or begging would achieve nothing. Charlie would still pick up the box and walk away. That’s who she was. 

So, they wove through the intricate parts. Small talk between two people who had held each other in the middle of the night. Both, eyes darting around and hesitancy on their lips. Polite nothings and the exchange of keys and Niall rambling to keep Charlie standing at his front door a little longer. 

But then it came. 

Their end. 

Charlie turned on her heel and walked down the steps and Niall couldn’t breath. Because was he really about to just let her get in the car and drive through Laurel Canyon and not know?

“I love you.” Niall blurted out. Palms sweating and heart about to burst out of his chest. Three words. Surely if Charlie knew, they could fix the mess they had found themselves in. Niall briefly wondered if he should elaborate because while Charlie had stopped, she hadn’t turned around. Explain. Niall needed to tell Charlie how he wanted to know everything about her the moment he walked in on her in the men’s room. How he thought about sleeping with her the first time their hands brushed passing the sugar at the diner. How he wanted to love her when he combed out the tangles of her hair that one night when Charlie watched him in the bathroom mirror with fresh stitches above her left eye. How Niall knew he loved her when they had danced around his house back in the summer, laughing in each other’s mouths. 

But Niall didn’t. Because those words weren’t enough to make her stay. I love you, wasn’t enough to make Charlie change her mind. 

“That’s against the rules.”

And something in Niall cracked a little with those four words.