#Timmies had psl

[wtfuckevenknows]

How in the world is it pumpkin season already?!

[darveyfics]

anon: office party, before the kiss so they don't know about each other's feelings, he's with paula? idc just lots of angst plz

A/N: another prompt fill for this request. This one definitely got away from me... enjoy!

“Just Maybe...”

Donna Paulsen was a social butterfly by nature, enjoying the time she got to spend with an array of people she met on the daily. She loved getting to know them, analyzing their every move and gesture, simply trying to get a read on them. And in doing so, she either impressed or terrified them whenever they got to know her in all her Donna-ness.

“I’m Donna, I know everything.”

She always prided herself for being who she was, and not once did she ever apologize for it. It was no mystery or surprise that she enjoyed attending any and all forms of social events, and the annual Pearson Specter Litt parties were no exception, even way back when it was still Pearson Hardman. She would waltz around in some fabulous new dress, posture and confidence high as she greeted everyone, usually with Harvey by her side.

They carried a bond with them everywhere, talking and mingling, and mostly just making fun of the weirdest and stuffiest of the bunch that joined their office parties. Even after they would drift apart, they’d find each other again, sharing drinks and sarcastic remarks. If either of them had more than a couple of drinks, they’d even find themselves venturing into dangerous territory, playfully flirting with each other. It was always a time and event she looked forward to.

Except this year.

This year she had to face the one thing she wasn’t ready for, the one thing she kept telling herself meant nothing, but the denial didn’t do anything to cure the constant ache she felt in her heart.

Donna sighed as she walked into the large room the firm usually utilized for parties, her form fitting black dress suddenly feeling too tight against her skin, her matching black heels already bruising her feet.

Surveying the room, she quickly recognized some of the PSL employees, a mixture of lawyers and associates of all years. Louis was off to one side, seeming to be in some kind of heated argument with a client, either that or he was telling them all about his passion for ballet, she wasn’t sure.

She spotted Mike and Rachel in one corner, arms around each other and twin smiles on their faces as they quietly made conversation with each other. A pang hit her suddenly, seeing them so happy and in love, completely immersed in each other, their best friend and love of their life.

Shaking her head, Donna chastised herself for letting herself get into those thoughts. She was happy for them, she really was, but she’d be lying if she said didn’t crave what they had, and she almost thought she would have that one day with someone, with-

“Harvey!” Her own voice surprised her, having been shaken out of her thoughts by the man in question when he suddenly appeared in front of her.

“Hey, Donna.” His smile was almost amusing, seeing her reaction to his presence. “Surprised to see me here?” He joked.

She laughed. “No, no, I just- I didn’t see you approaching, is all.” She mentally cursed herself for sounding so off and awkward. This was Harvey for crying out loud, she’s only known him for fourteen years. He was her best friend. And yet… everything just seemed so different now, and she hated knowing that it was due to her own feelings on the matter.

Everything seemed fine between them, felt fine between them, normal. Except it wasn’t, and she still berates herself for not noticing earlier, she’s Donna, she knows everything.

But you didn’t see this one coming, a voice would tell her. It’s only been a few weeks since he had told her about him and Paula, his ex-therapist. Dating. She hated how she felt the tears brimming her eyes when he had told her, the weight of pretending she knew and was okay with it hitting her at top speed as soon as he walked out of her office.

She wanted him to be happy, she does, but she couldn’t help the way her heart cracked a little more each time she thought about him with her.

Donna cleared her throat, forcing her lips to curve upward. “So, uh, where’s-”

“There you are, Harvey. I’ve been getting to know your friends from work, they’re quite lovely.” The unmistakable voice of Paula Agard met her ears. The smaller blonde woman made her way to Harvey, seemingly ignoring or not noticing her presence all together.

Harvey gave her a short smile, eyes then glancing up at Donna. Paula followed his gaze, finally acknowledging her. Straightening as much as she could in her short heels and full length and long sleeve dark blue dress, Paula gave Donna a tight smile.

“Oh, hello Donna. I almost didn’t see you there.” Her hand then made its way around Harvey, holding him close to her.

Donna didn’t miss the way Harvey’s step almost faltered from Paula’s pull, before recovering quickly and tentatively putting his own arm around her.

“Hi… Paula. How are you?” Donna tried her best to keep her voice even, a weak smile on her lips.

“I’m great, thank you. Actually loving this little party.” She smiled, glancing around the room before meeting her eyes once again. “It’s funny, Harvey here was complaining about it ever since we got up from bed this morning.” The laugh falling from her lips practiced and flat.

Donna felt her chest constricting, a sudden sharp pain she tried to tamper down with the smile she kept at play.

“Uh, yeah, well, these things are usually pretty boring.” Harvey shrugged nonchalantly.

“Well of course you think that, Harvey, you’re here everyday at all odd hours. But I, for one, am quite enjoying the energy around here.”

Donna and Harvey shared momentary looks of confusion. “Really?” They said in unison.

For a second, Paula’s face faltered, looking between them. “So, Donna, are you here with anyone?”

The sudden change in subject caught Donna off guard as much as the question itself. “Uh- I uh- no, I’m here by myself.” She felt her cheeks hurting from the amount of forced smiling she had to put on.

“Oh, what a shame I’m so sorry.” Paula eyed her with wide eyes, her other hand coming around to place on Harvey’s chest.

An uncomfortable silence settled between them. “You know what? I just realized I don’t have a drink yet. Harvey, could please get me something? You know what I like.” Paula smiled at Harvey, an almost playful chuckle on her lips.

“Um, yeah of course, I’ll be right back.” He smiled at Paula, untangling himself from her before he turned to Donna. “Donna, you need anything?”

She shook her head. “No, I’m fine, Harvey, thanks.”

With one last smile and a tentative glance between them, Harvey walked away, leaving Donna and Paula to themselves.

“Listen, Donna, I just wanted to thank you.” Paula’s words startled her, eyebrows creasing at her statement.

“Thank me?” Donna asked, skeptically.

Paula laughed. “For being there for Harvey. I know you two share a- special bond. You have history, you see each other everyday. You’re like his sister, practically.”

“I’m- sister?” Donna felt like her heart was going to come out her chest, her throat constricting all the while.

Paula nodded. “Of course.”

“He- said that, Harvey said I was like his sister?”

Paula laughed. “Well, he didn’t exactly use those words, he isn’t the most verbal person, as you’d know. But that is definitely the vibe I got between you two. It must be nice.”

“I have to go.” Donna said suddenly. Was this woman being serious right now? She felt like she had to get away from her as soon as possible. Away from this room, everyone, everything.

“Is something wrong?” Paula asked, brows furrowed.

“No, no, I just remembered I had to be somewhere.” Donna smiled at her sweetly. “It was- nice seeing you, Paula.”

“I need a drink. Now.” Donna mumbled to herself, stalking off to the far end of the room, hoping to find the open bar.

“Hey, Timmy, I’ll have another.” Donna waved over the bartender currently mending the open bar at the PSL party, her empty champagne glass in her hand.

“It’s uh, Joe, actually,” the semi-nerdy looking bartender responded, reaching to take her empty glass.

“Really? You look more like a Timmy.” Donna’s voice was teasing and playful, her eyes twinkling in mirth seeing the young man squirming under her gaze.

Joe gave her a nervous laugh, handing her a fresh drink before walking away to tend to someone else.

Donna squinted her eyes as she surveyed the room once again, her vision becoming foggier by the second. She noticed Paula and Harvey in the far right corner of the room, talking to some people she didn’t recognize, or couldn’t in her current state. She noticed them laughing at something some older man in a suit said, her arms still wrapped around him like a little girl holding a teddy bear for comfort. She smirked at her own analogy, taking a swing from her champagne flute, barely wincing as the drink burned her throat.

“Donna?” Rachel’s voice shook her out of her reverie at once.

“Rachel! Hey!” Donna reached out her hand excitedly, face gleaming upon seeing her best friend.

“Donna are you… okay?” Rachel asked skeptically, eyeing her friend and the now empty glass of champagne in her hand.

“I’ve never felt better, why?” She quirked her eyebrows in amusement.

“You just- you seem… I don’t know, drunk.” Rachel whispered the last part, looking at her friend in concern.

Donna scoffed. “Three drinks does not equate to Donna being drunk, trust me.” She snapped her fingers then, bringing Joe’s attention back.

“Is everything okay?” Rachel asked again, her eyes trailing her every move, worry dripping from her voice as she saw her friend accepting another drink.

“Rachel, it’s sweet that you’re worried but-” Donna stopped mid-sentence, smile dropping and champagne flute half way to her lips as she stared off in the distance.

“Donna, what-” Rachel turned around in the direction of her friend’s gaze, quickly noticing what had caught her attention.

In a corner of the room, secluded from the rest of the party, was Harvey and Paula… kissing.

Rachel turned to look at Donna again, watching as her eyes glazed over, a look so unmistakably full of hurt.

“Donna…” Rachel began gently.

“I- I have to go.” Donna’s voice was shaken, swallowing against the tears that were prickling against her eyes. Setting the full glass down, she stood up, speed walking her way out of the room.

It took Rachel less than a second to recover, quickly walking off after her friend.

She followed Donna into the ladies room, worry pulling at her seams the entire way there.

“Donna...” She began gently when they were both inside.

“I- I can’t do this.” Rachel’s heart broke when she saw her friend’s tears trailing down her cheeks. She quickly surveyed the room, grateful that there was no one else inside.

“Donna, talk to me.” Rachel’s voice was pleading but gentle as she stepped closer to her.

“I thought I was okay with it, you know? I mean, ok, maybe I was never okay with it, but still, I was happy for him. I want him to be happy.” Donna was pacing the room now, heels gliding across the tiled floor of the bathroom.

“Harvey?” Rachel asks tentatively, their previous conversation about them still fresh in her memory.

“I mean, he’s my best friend, you know? We’ve known each other for what? Fourteen years now?” She lets out a humorless laugh.

Rachel feels herself rooted to the spot, a frown on her face as she watches the woman that she loves like a sister being completely torn apart.

“And I know him better than anyone too. Do you think she knows him like that? Do you think she knows he’s allergic to pine nuts and hates clams? Do you think she knows what his favorite movie is or his favorite record album?”

“I-” Rachel tries to interject, though not quite knowing what to say.

“God, look at me, I sound like a jealous ex-girlfriend or something.” Donna shakes her head, stopping to look at herself in the mirror before her. “But I was never his girlfriend,” she finishes softly, eyeing her reflection. “We slept together once, but we never talk about it because we don’t talk about the other time because I made up this rule. I don’t get involved with men I work with. But he gets involved with his ex-therapist so what the hell, right?” She looks over at Rachel, a laugh leaving her lips.

“Donna, do you want me to take you home?” Rachel asks softly.

Donna shakes her head. “No, I’m fine.” She pauses, looking from the mirror to her friend. “I’m fine.” Her vision clouds over, fresh tears falling from her face. “I’m in love with a man who loves someone else, but I’m fine.”

“Donna…” Rachel takes a step forward, her voice heartbroken for her friend, feeling helpless to do anything.

“I’m an idiot for thinking we could ever be anything else, anything more.” She shakes her head.

“No, you’re not,” Rachel insists, stepping even closer to take hold of Donna’s hands.

“I am.” She laughs. “For thinking for just one second that maybe just maybe he could love me that way. I mean, what was I supposed to think when he told me he loved me?”

“He did what?” Rachel asks, voice laden with surprise.

Donna nods. “But you know, turns out he just loves me like a sister so…”

“Who told you that? Harvey?”

“No, his girlfriend.” She shakes her head. “And she just had the nerve to use him like that. I went to her, when he was seeing her as a therapist and she must’ve known, right? About us? I mean, she just sat there, smiling, looking like she understood and then-” a bitter laugh escapes her, “then he went to her and now they’re a them and she’s coming here and thanking me for being his sister and she’s groping him right in front of me. But you know? It’s not her fault, it’s mine, because I let myself fall for that jackass and he doesn’t even-”

“Donna, you can’t blame yourself for this.” Rachel’s voice was full of concern, eyes wide and desperate to make her feel better in any way.

“I’m just- so tired, you know? Tired of feeling like this, like I’ve wasted years of my life putting him first.” Her eyes were glassy, voice shaking as she spoke. “I need to move on.”

Rachel sighed. “If that’s what you want…?”

Donna nodded, smiling now. “It is. I want to, I need to. I mean, he clearly won’t ever see me as more than-” She shook her head, voice caught in her throat as the emotions came crashing through her again.

“I hate that I love him, you know?” Her words were tight, voice low as more tears escaped her, a sob escaping her suddenly.

Rachel felt her own eyes prickling with tears, her heart aching as she watched her friend in so much pain. Not being able to stand her ground anymore, she stepped forward, meeting Donna in an embrace, holding her close as she cried.

“You deserve to be happy, Donna,” she whispered into her. “You deserve to be so happy, and I know you will be.”

Donna let out a watery laugh. “I thought I was the one that was supposed to know everything.”

Rachel smiled. “Anyone who doesn’t see how lucky they’d be to have you is an idiot.” She finished strongly, anger now coursing through her, anger at Harvey for putting her through this. Was this man seriously that blind? Did he not know the pain he was causing her? And did he honest to God not love her as more than a friend? Rachel didn’t buy it.

“Thank you,” Donna said softly, feeling her eyes closing against her will, her legs suddenly feeling like jello.

Rachel furrowed her eyebrows, feeling her friend going limp in her arms. “Donna, Donna you okay?”

“Mmm,” came her weak reply.

Pulling back from their hug, Rachel looked at her in concern, noticing the way her eyes were half-lidded. “Donna…?”

“Okay, so maybe I had more than three drinks.” Her poor attempt of a smile was accompanied by her face paling even more.

Rachel quickly looked around the room, finding the lounge-like chairs at the entrance of the bathroom. “Here, why don’t you sit down, okay?” She led her friend to one of the seats, mentally thanking PSL for its high standards. Donna followed her friend, her feet wobbly and a migraine forming as the adrenaline from her earlier outburst started to dissipate, being replaced by the effects of five plus glasses of Champagne coursing through her veins.

“Will you be okay here for a bit while I go get Mike? We’ll take you home.” Rachel was leaning in front of her, eyes gazing up at her, double checking to make sure she was situated comfortably.

Donna shook her head. “No, no you don’t have to-”

“Donna,” Rachel started, her voice firmer now. “I am not leaving you here. Let me get Mike and we’ll take you home.”

Her friend nodded, too weak to argue with her.

Rachel stood up, giving her a glance-over, noticing how she settled herself deeper into the cushioned chair, eyes closing. She hesitated for a moment at the door, before walking out, determination set in her stride as she made her way around PSL, looking for Mike.

She spotted him mere seconds later, talking to Harvey. Rachel gave a quick survey of the area, thankful that Paula seemed to be elsewhere at the moment.

“Mike.” She tried her best to keep her voice steady as she approached him. “Can I talk to you for a second?” She made a quick glance at Harvey, noticing his look of confusion.

“Uh, sure, is everything okay?” Her fiancé gave her a once-over, blue eyes wide with concern.

“Yeah, I just, I need your help with something, please.” She tried to put on a fake smile, hoping it would mask some of the worry she was sure was seeping through.

“Rachel, are you alright?” Harvey’s voice cut through, words slow and uncertain.

She gave him a tight smile. “Yeah, I just really need Mike to come with me.”

“Okay, Rachel, what’s going on?” Mike prodded, knowing something was off with his fiancée.

“It’s Donna, okay? I just need you to come with me so we can take her home, now.” Rachel’s patience was running thin, not caring anymore if Harvey overheard.

“Donna? What’s going on? Where is she? What happened?” The questions fall out of Harvey rapidly, distress and panic written all over his face.

Rachel sighs. “She’s- just not feeling very well at the moment.”

“Where is she?” Harvey insisted again, eyes squandering all over the place, almost expecting to see her.

“Harvey, Mike and I can handle it. We’ll take her home, and you can-” She noticed Paula starting to walk in their direction. “You can continue enjoying the party.” She didn’t care if she sounded agitated. Her best friend was hurting, physically and otherwise and the man responsible for it was making it impossible for her to keep any semblance of civility.

“Rachel. Where. Is Donna.” His words were clipped and impatient.

“She’s in the bathroom, but-” Rachel tried before Harvey started stalking off, only stopping short when he heard his name being called. Paula.

“Harvey, where are you running off too in such a hurry?” Her voice was almost amused.

He sighed. “Paula, I can’t- I-”

“Harvey, what’s going on?” Paula pressed, arms crossed as she made her way closer to him.

Rachel felt her eyes rolling, frustration and impatience sinking into her. “Mike, let’s go.” She didn’t wait for him to respond, stalking off in the direction of the bathroom, knowing he’d be right behind her, if he knows what’s good for him, she thought.

“Harvey, what’s going on?” Paula asked again.

“It’s- Mike and Rachel, they need my help.” It wasn’t a lie, he told himself.

Paula didn’t look convinced. “They seemed fine to me.” She shrugged.

Harvey sighed. “It’s Donna, she’s not feeling well- and-” He looks behind him, catching Mike and Rachel disappearing down the hallway.

Paula’s body stiffened for a moment. “Oh, well, that’s too bad. But, I’m sure Mike and Rachel have it covered.”

“I just want to check on her, Paula,” Harvey told her, trying his best to keep his cool.

“Is that all?” She gave him an accusatory look.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Harvey’s voice rose a bit, catching the attention of some of the people around them.

“I just mean that you always seem to be running off when she calls or needs you.” She shrugged.

Harvey clenched his jaw, approaching her, trying his best to keep their conversation away from prying eyes and ears. “Paula, she’s my friend, I care about her, and right now she needs me.”

Paula scoffed. “Listen, Harvey, I admire your loyalty to always wanting to play the hero, but do you really think I don’t see what’s going on here?”

“Why don’t you tell me what you want to hear?”

“Tell me that you’re not going to run off after her.”

“She’s not feeling well. What the hell do you want me to do?” His eyes are slits as he looks at her, anger coursing through him.

“Don’t go to her. Let Mike and Rachel take care of her, and then in the morning, you can call too see how she’s feeling,” Paula told him simply, her words curt and final.

Harvey shook his head. “I can’t do that,” he said softly.

“Harvey, you can’t have it both ways,” she tells him then, eyes boring into his.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying- you have to choose. Right now. It’s me or her.”

Rachel still doesn’t know how they managed to get Donna out of the bathroom and firm without too many people noticing. The last thing she wanted was for her friend to be at the forefront of the firm’s gossip mill when they returned to work on Monday.

It was a struggle at first, trying to get Donna to become conscious enough for them to easily help her maneuver her way out of the bathroom. But with the help and patience of Mike, they were able to hold her up and guide her out. Luckily, the ladies room had been out of the view from the main party floor, reaching the secondary elevators from that level with few people in sight.

Donna wasn’t a complete light weight, albeit she barely had managed to keep herself upright for too long without needing Mike and Rachel to lean on.

They hailed a cab with a semi-conscious Donna at their side, her eyes starting to droop out of her own volition.

It was ten fifteen when they finally reached her apartment, Rachel using the spare keys Donna had given her to open the door, letting Mike inside with a quiet Donna leaning on him.

Rachel watched her friend release her hold on Mike, walking as swiftly as she could in her current state to her couch, crashing into it with a sigh.

“Donna, wouldn’t you be more comfortable in your bed?” Rachel asked her quietly, reaching over to part the hair that had fallen in front of her eyes.

Donna only shook her head, her eyes closed and head resting on the armrest.

“Don’t you want to change at least?” Rachel pressed.

“‘m fine.” Donna mumbled, a crease on her forehead as the light from the room protruded her eyes.

Rachel sighed, looking over at Mike almost in question. He only shrugged in turn.

“I think I’m going to stay, keep an eye on-” Her voice was suddenly interrupted by three hard knocks.

They stayed quiet for a moment in slight confusion before the knocks continued, more incessant this time.  

“Rachel?” Harvey’s muffled voice came through the thickness of the door. “Rachel, it’s me. I know you’re in there.”

Mike started toward the door, before Rachel caught his arm. “What are you doing?”

“I’m- going to let Harvey in.” Mike stated, blue eyes quizzical.

Rachel shook her head. “He doesn’t need to be here right now.” She didn’t want him to see Donna like this, didn’t want to have to tell Donna after the night she had that Harvey had come over, possibly with Paula in tow. Plus, she wasn’t exactly Harvey’s biggest fan at the moment.

“Rachel what-” Mike’s question was left hanging when Harvey knocked again.

“Rachel, please. I just want to see her. I need to see her. Please.” His voice sounded defeated, worry exuding in his words and Rachel closed her eyes, sighing as she made her way to the door.

She found him on the other side, still wearing his gray suit, except his tie was loser now, like he had been fidgeting with it. His eyes were tired but wide all the same, voice tight as he spoke. “Is she okay?”

Rachel sighed. “She’s fine, Harvey.” She glanced behind him and noticed he was alone. “Where’s Paula?” She managed not to hide the annoyance in her tone, but Harvey ignored her.

“What happened?” Harvey asked, voice tight and jaw set.

“She-” Rachel didn’t know how to approach the subject without revealing too much.

“Where is she?” He looked behind Rachel, eyes scanning the inside of Donna’s apartment, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. He only saw Mike standing there awkwardly.

It took Mike only two seconds before responding. “She’s over here.” He spoke softly, gesturing in the direction of her couch.

Harvey barely gave Rachel a chance to move out of the way before he sped walk his way inside, his impatience running incredibly thin.

When his eyes caught site of red hair and slim body against the cream color of her couch, his breath hitched. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen her look so small, so vulnerable.

“Rachel… what happened?” Harvey asked again, this time his voice low and eyes never leaving Donna.

He could hear her sigh as she crossed her arms, walking toward him in measured steps. “She- had a bit too much to drink.”

Harvey’s head shot up, his brows furrowed. “She what?” Harvey knew from experience that Donna could easily drink him under a table. She never had more than she could handle, and she certainly would never risk getting drunk at an office party.

Rachel shrugged, hoping Harvey wouldn’t prod more. “She just had a little too much, I guess. We were talking and- she just got pale didn’t look well, so I thought I, we,” she pointed at Mike, “would take her home.”

Harvey continued to stare at her quizzically, before glancing down at a sleeping Donna again, his chest feeling tight at the sight of his best friend. He felt a wave of guilt rush over him then, for not being for her earlier, for not being able to help her now….

“I’m sorry I couldn’t help you guys earlier.” He spoke softly.

“You were with Paula.” Rachel’s reply was short and sharp.

Harvey shook his head. “She just-”

“You know, we have it covered here, Harvey, so you can go home if you want.”

Harvey tilted his head, a puzzled expression on his face. “Is there something you want to tell me, Rachel?” He never had any problems with her, she was Donna’s best friend and cared for her like a sister, he had nothing but respect for her, but the way she was acting with him tonight….

“I’m just not sure how your girlfriend would feel about you being here right now, is all.” Her voice was curt an icy, brown eyes challenging.

Harvey’s lips tightened into a thin line. “She’s not my girlfriend anymore.”

“What?” Came Mike and Rachel’s twin surprise.

Harvey shrugged. “We broke up.”

“But… why?” Rachel found herself asking.

“Um, Rach…” Mike warned her.

“I mean you guys just seemed pretty close at the party.” Rachel spat out in near disgust.

“Because she asked me to choose, okay?” Harvey’s voice was defeated, exhaustion laced in his words as he sat down on Donna’s coffee table, eyes never leaving her.

Rachel found herself silent for a moment, her thoughts spinning as she exchanged glances with Mike, who still looked just about as confused as when she asked him to help her with Donna earlier that night. He had only asked what happened, to which Rachel responded with the half truth- that her friend had had too much to drink and needed to be taken home. He hadn’t asked any more questions.

“Uh, thank you guys, for taking care of her, but you can go ahead and go home if you want, I’ll stay with her.”

Harvey’s words shook Rachel out of her thoughts. “What? No, I’m not leaving her, and you’re not staying.” Her voice was final and made no room for argument.

“Rachel, I know you’re pissed at me for some reason, and I’m too tired to wrack my brain over it, but I am not leaving her.” He finished with his gaze now set on Rachel.

“Mike, can you stay with Donna for a second? I need to have a little talk with Harvey.”

“Um…sure.” Once again Mike didn’t question her and she made a mental note to thank him later for his support tonight.

“Harvey, can I have a word with you? Please.” Rachel was standing next to the door now, hand on the handle as she waited for Harvey, not planning on taking no for an answer.

Harvey sighed, frustration trickling through him as he stood up, taking one last quick glance at Donna before making his way toward Rachel.

“Okay, Rachel, what-”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Rachel’s voice was an octave higher now, gone was any semblance of patience she was trying to render in.

“Excuse me?”

Rachel let out a grave laugh. “I mean, I know you care about her, but do you really think you’re being fair to her?”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Harvey was looking at her with a mix of confusion and agitation.

“Donna, Harvey, the woman who’s currently inside, intoxicated and passed out because she had a crappy night.”

“And you’re blaming me… is that what I’m getting?”

Rachel shook her head, the words suddenly spilling out of her mouth without conscious thought. “You told her you love her, and then you date Paula, and then you two break up and you come here-”

“How the hell do know you that?” Harvey questioned, brows furrowed.

“-and if you think I’m about to leave my best friend alone with the man who hurt her, who’s been playing with her feelings like it’s some sort of game, then you have another thing coming. I respect you as my boss, but as the man who made my best friend cry….” Rachel stopped short, realizing what she had just said.

Harvey looked like a dear caught in the head lights, her words replaying in his mind.

“The man who hurt her.” “The man who made my best friend cry.”

“Rachel… what happened?” His voice was softer now, heart constricting against his chest, eyes pleading.

Rachel sighed. “I- I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Rachel, you need to tell me what happened tonight. What the hell did I do?” His brown eyes were now glazed over, guilt and hurt for her drowning him.

Shaking her head, Rachel tried to come up with an answer that wouldn’t expose of her friend’s nightly confessions. Realizing she couldn’t hold in the words anymore, she began to speak. “She was upset.” She started softly. “She- saw you two tonight, just- being close, kissing...”

“Me and- Paula?”

Rachel scoffed. “Well unless you were kissing anyone else at that party…”

“Rachel-” Harvey pleaded for her to continue.

She took a breath, bracing herself before continuing. “She told me about you guys- I mean I already knew some things, and I know it’s none of my business, but she just looked and sounded so hurt-” She noticed Harvey’s eyes completely clouded over, jaw set and hands at his sides. “Look, I can’t tell you what to do or how to feel, but if you feel anything for her, at all, tell her.”

“Rachel…”

“And if you don’t, if you see her as nothing more than a friend, a sister, colleague, whatever, then tell her. Because God, Harvey, you weren’t in that room tonight with her, but she was so upset, and I know she had been drinking, but still, I know her, I know this has been building in her for a while.”

“I- I don’t- she was crying?” His words were almost hushed, recalling her earlier statement.

Rachel nodded, looking down sadly for a moment. “Yeah.”

“But why-”

“Because she loves you!” Her voice rose suddenly, watching as the words sunk in for him. “Wow, you really had no idea, did you?” Rachel shook her head, a sad smile playing on her lips.

“I can’t tell you what to feel, but whatever it is you do? You need to tell her. Because I will not watch her break down again like that. If you love her, you need to man the hell up and tell her before you two lose what could potentially be the greatest thing either of you have ever had or,” She paused for a moment, taking in his still jaw-slacked expression. “You need to tell her there’s never a chance for you to be together, so she can finally move on. She deserves to be happy, Harvey. And it’s time you realize that too.”

Harvey continued to stare at her for a moment, watching as she turned to open the door and head back inside.

He grabbed hold of her arm suddenly, words spilling from his lips tangled and terrified.

“I- I don’t want to mess things up with her, Rachel.”

Rachel gave him a small smile. “I’d say you’re way past, that Harvey.”

Her gave her a wordless nod, his throat and chest too tight, making it harder for him to breathe properly. Clearing his throat, he spoke. “I uh, I need to stay with her, tonight.” When Rachel didn’t respond he continued. “Please, Rachel, I need to stay with her, make sure she’s okay, make sure- I need to tell her,” he finished softly, the words barely making their way out.

“Tell her what?”

Harvey’s lips curved just slightly. “How I feel.”

Rachel gave him a matching smile, reaching behind her to open the door, letting them both inside.

“Uh, so, Mike, I think we should get going.” She walked over to her fiancé, almost laughing at his confused expression.

“I thought- I’m so lost.” He shook his head, standing up from the coffee table all the same.

“Harvey has it covered from here, right?” She gave her boss a smile, eyes still questioning if only because she doesn’t think she’ll never not be protective of her best friend.

He nodded in response. “I won’t leave her side.” His words carried more weight within them, she thought, his eyes almost twinkling and voice pointed.

“Call me if she needs anything.” Rachel told him firmly, walking over to Donna one last time, kissing her cheek before she made her way over to Mike at the door.

“Hey, Rachel?” She turned around when she heard Harvey’s voice. “Thank you.” She mirrored his smile, nodding in his direction before heading out, Mike right behind her.

“So… you ever going to tell me what show I just walked into tonight?” Mike asked as soon as they were in the hallway.

His fiancée laughed, looping her arm around his as they headed out. “I’ll tell you on the way home….”

Harvey suddenly found himself feeling lost. He looked around the familiar apartment, recalling all the times he had been there. He remembers that godawful dinner party, when he came to her in a panic when Mike was about to be taken to prison, the time he told her he loves her, and of course… the other time.

Sighing, he made his way over to the couch, finding his recent spot on the coffee table, facing the woman that plagued his every thought. He was finally able to take her all in. The black dress she wore tonight was now obscured by a beige blanket, one he guessed Mike threw over her when he had been outside with Rachel. Her hair was in waves, tangled and partially concealing her face. He reached a tentative hand over, gently moving her copper hair away from her eyes. She looked so peaceful, sleeping, yet her forehead was creased, either in pain or worry, and her lips were turned downward just slightly.

He felt his throat constricting painfully, tears welling up in his eyes as he watched the woman he cared about more than anything looking so fragile.

“I’m so sorry.” His words were so low, he wasn’t even sure he had spoken them out loud. He felt like an absolute idiot. Had I been so damn blind? No, you just didn’t want to see it because you’re such a fucking coward, a voice inside accused him.

“She loves you!” Rachel’s words kept replaying in his mind, heart leaping every time they did.

The last and only time he ever heard her telling him that was right before she left him. For Louis. There was no way he thought she could love him that way. She would’ve specified, right? What, like you specified with her?

He sat there watching her for a couple more minutes, contemplating what he should do. He didn’t want to wake her, but he didn’t want to leave her on the couch all night long either.

With a final sigh, he stood up before he could overthink his next move. He gently uncovered the blanket from her, tossing it off to the side of the couch, before reaching under her back with one arm, and the other reaching under her legs, picking her up with surprised ease.

She curled into him automatically, and he held his breath, hoping she wouldn’t wake up. After a couple of seconds, he began to take measured steps toward her bedroom, quite conscious of the fact that she could very well kill him in the morning once she realized he picked her up and took her to bed.

Walking into her master, he waited until his eyes adjusted to the dark, quickly finding the bed and gently setting her on it. A sense of deja vu suddenly washed over him, remembering the last time he had been in here with her. Mental pictures flashed before him then, like a lost picture show.

Images of them making their way to her bedroom, a tangle of hands and lips fused as they giggled and teased each other, a bottle of whipped cream between them.

He makes sure to grab another blanket from the linen closet, not wanting to jostle her further by trying to get her under her comforter. He sheathes her body in the soft material, hand involuntarily reaching out to gently caress her cheek.

More images seep into his memory, the feel of her laughter against him as she sprayed him with cold whipped cream before cleaning it off with her tongue….

He carries the chair that was situated across her bed, placing it next to her side. He takes off his coat then, tie following, before he kicks his shoes out of the way. Placing his clothes over the large chair, he finally sits down, a sigh escaping his lips as he watches her sleep.

He remembers the feel of her, skin silky smooth against his calloused hands, the taste of her lips, the feel of her writhing beneath him….

Harvey shakes his head, suddenly second guessing himself for situating himself in her room, staring at her while she slept. I feel like a goddamn creep. But then he remembers what Rachel had told him, how she had cried tonight, trying to drink away the pain after seeing him kissing Paula.

He doesn’t think he’s ever felt more like scum. In all honestly, he didn’t know it was bothering her this much. He knew she had been bothered by it at first, but then she had handed him her keys, telling him she did want him to be happy… He didn’t think there was any chance in hell for them to be anything more than what they were. They always skirted around the subject, and for years it worked without a hitch. But then-

She told him she wanted more, and he just felt lost, confused, didn’t know what she meant and before he knew it he was running off after Paula, the only other person who knew so much about him. Because she was your therapist. You went to her with your problems, that’s why she knew. But he also knew deep down she wasn’t Donna. No one else could measure up to her. And he was an idiot for trying to make it so.

He was just so goddamned scared to lose her. Didn’t want to screw things up like he inevitably felt he could just by being him.

“She deserves to be happy.”

There was nothing in the world that Harvey Specter wanted more, and he was going to do what he should’ve done a long time ago. He was going to grow a pair and tell her.

A thought suddenly hits him, and he makes his way to the kitchen. He grabs a bottle of water from the fridge before opening up her medicine cabinet, grabbing a bottle of aspirin before returning to her bedroom, carefully setting both objects on her night stand.

He settles into the cushioned seat again, feeling his eyes beginning to droop, the mental and emotional exhaustion from the night finally catching up with him.

That night he dreams of red hair against white satin sheets, sweet kisses and long-over due confessions….

The first thing he notices when his wakes is how uncomfortable he is. His legs are at a ninety degree angle, the pain in his knees incomparable to the one he feels on his lower back. He winces as he cranes his neck, hand coming up to massage the knots away. Taking a moment as sleeplessness slowly dissipates, his eyes begin to open, straining against the light that protrudes through the blinds of her room.

He quickly glances away, eyes landing on the bed…

“Geez!” Holding his hand over his rapidly beating heart, Harvey closes his eyes for a moment, trying to collect himself before setting his eyes on Donna again.

“How long have you been sitting there watching me?” He asks once his breathing is in check. Donna was currently sitting on the bed, black dress from the night before still hugging hers skin. He notices the bags under eyes, her hair a tangled mess, hands clasped together as her gaze never falters from his.

He feels himself squirming under her fixated stare.

“Funny, I was about to ask you the same thing,” she replies calmly, voice low and even.

“I-”

“You make it a habit out of sneaking into people’s homes to watch them sleep?” She raises an eyebrow at him.

Harvey shakes his head. “You don’t remember what happened last night?”

Donna sighs, hand coming up to massage her temples. He glances toward the night table, noticing the aspirin bottle open and water more than half empty. “I remember the party, and… drinking. A lot.” She lets out a bitter laugh, eyes closed as she tries to will her headache away.

“Do you remember anything else?” Harvey prods gently.

She shakes her head. “I-” Her mind suddenly fills with short clips from the night before. Talking to Rachel in the bathroom, crying… Seeing Harvey and Paula kissing….

“How did I get here?” She quizzes him then, voice shaken.

“Mike and Rachel brought you,” he tells her softly.

“And you-?”

“I came by later, you were already passed out on the couch.”

Donna nods, cursing herself as she feels tears prickling her eyes. The last thing she wanted was for him to see like this. If it were any other night, any other time, she wouldn’t have minded. But last night- after everything she told Rachel kept coming back to her in pieces, she felt so humiliated. How much did he know?

“Why?” She asks then.

“What?” Harvey asks, confused.

“Why did you come here?”

Harvey opens his mouth before closing it again, words escaping him as he tries to come up with an answer.

“I was worried,” he says simply.

“And you knew about my moment of glory how…?”

Harvey sighed. “Rachel came by looking for Mike, she wanted his help to take you home. I happened to be there with him, and I asked what was wrong, and she told me you weren’t feeling well.” He filled out the blanks for her.

“But you didn’t go with them?” Her question was posed more as a statement.

He shook his head. “I, uh, wanted to but,” he paused, trying to find the best course for his next words. “But Paula stopped me before I went, and by the time I went looking for you, you guys were gone.”

Donna could only nod, her heart in her throat. “So shouldn’t you get going then?”

Harvey looked at her in confusion. “Why? Do you not want me to be here?”

“I’m not sure your girlfriend would want you to be.” She states, a flat smile on her lips.

“We broke up.” He watches as her smile falters, eyes growing just a tad wider as she stares at him.

“You-”

Harvey nods. “And you’re right, she probably wouldn’t want me to be here. Which was exactly why I broke up with her.”

“Why I broke up with her.” His words are a mantra in her ears, replaying as she tries to wrap her mind around them.

“I told her you weren’t feeling well, that I was going to help Mike and Rachel take you home, and she just-” Got jealous, he finished mentally. “She told me to choose. So I did.” He looked at her pointedly, warm brown eyes boring into her own.

“Choose?” She found herself saying, voice so low she wasn’t sure he heard her.

Harvey nodded. “It was a pretty damn easy choice,” he tells her softly.

Donna broke her eye contact with him, the intensity of his gaze and words making her feel things she was chastising herself for.

“I’m sorry,” she tells him softly, her hands suddenly becoming the focus her attention.

“I’m not,” he states simply.

Her head shoots up at him.

“You come first.” Donna feels herself growing dizzy by the second, the aspirin she took earlier might as well have been a sugar pill. She brings her hands to her head, trying to massage away the pain as well as the thoughts that kept subconsciously seeping into her, giving her dangerous expectations as his words rehash in her mind.

“Are you okay?” Suddenly, he’s standing near the bed, forehead creased as concern overtakes him.

“Yeah, I’m just- I’m fine.” She gives him a weak smile.

“I’m sorry.” He sighs, guilt washing over him again.

“It’s not your fault, Harvey.”

“It is!” She gives him a quizzical look, expression surprised at his sudden outburst. “I’m a goddamn idiot.”

“Harvey, what-”

“I talked to Rachel last night.” He tells her quietly now.

Donna felt her heart quicken, the palms on her hands becoming sweaty.

“About what?” She finally finds her voice, the question thick between them.

“She told me what happened.” His words are possibly softer now. “About what you told her-”

Donna straightens up in a flourish, hands tossing the blanket off to the side as quickly as she stands up.

“I can’t do this,” she tells him, eyes anywhere but on him. She tries to walk past him when she feels his hand gently grabbing her own.

“Donna-”

“Harvey, don’t. I think I’ve already had my share of humiliation for the week.” Her voice shakes as she tries her best to steady the words.

“Donna, listen-”

She shakes her head, determination setting in her. “I don’t think you understand, Harvey, I can’t do this now.” Her watery eyes meet his, lip trembling against her own will.

“Goddammit, Donna can you just listen to what I have to say for one second?” His raised voice startles her for a second, enough to make him take a breath, stepping closer to her. “Please.” He finishes softly.

She only nods curtly, waiting for him to continue.

“I- I don’t how to do this.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Do what?”

His hands gesture between them. “This- us.”

“Harvey, there is no us.” The finality in her voice brings back the guilt he keeps trying to tamper down.

“What if I want there to be?” He tells her softly.

His words weigh on her, making it suddenly harder to breathe. “Excuse me?” She manages.

Harvey shifts his footing, taking a step closer to her, hesitating for one moment before reaching out to grab her hands.

“I know there’s a very good chance I could screw this up for us, but I’m not sure I can go on pretending anymore.”

“Pretending what?” Her voice is low, the rapid rate of her heart making her dizzy.

He lifts a hand, tentatively guiding it toward her cheek, holding her gaze to him. “That I don’t love you.”

Donna closes her eyes, a lump forming in her throat, memories of the first and only time he had spoken those words washing over her.

“You know I love you, Donna.”

She shakes her head. “Harvey-”

“I meant it, when I had told you, before.” He starts, his eyes piercing her own and she wonders if he could read her mind. “But I’m not sure I knew in what way, or at least I wouldn’t admit it to myself.”

Her eyes gloss over, head pounding as the events from the night before clash with his own words that morning. I feel like I just crossed over into a parallel universe.

“And- now?” She finds herself saying.

Harvey smiles for a fleeting second. “When Rachel told me you weren’t feeling well last night, when I saw how worried she was about you…” He takes a moment to breath out, not used to being at the forefront of emotional conversations and confessions. “And when she told me you had been crying….” He shakes his head, lips tight and jaw clenched to render in any last ounce of stability.

“I don’t want to find out what kind of man I can be without having you by my side.” She feels a sense of deja vu, his words echoing a similar conversation they had fourteen years ago.

“Harvey… what the hell are you saying?” She presses again, impatience settling in, needing to know what he means, needing him to say the goddamn words already.

“I’m saying… I’m in love with you.”

Her whole body goes rigid, ears buzzing and hands going numb against his own.

“And if you let me, if you want this as much as I do, we can dive right into this and never look back.”

“That must’ve been a hell of a conversation you had with Rachel.” Donna mumbles, eyes still glued to his.

Harvey chuckles. “Well, she made some good points, made me realize what an idiot I’ve been.”

“Took you long enough.” She playfully utters, the double meaning in her words not lost on him.

“Look, Donna,” She feels him shift even closer against her, his breath almost mingling with her own. “I don’t expect you to jump into this, with me, completely blind, forgetting every shitty thing I’ve done in the last year, but, I just wanted you to know, I only want you to be happy.” He finishes softly, thumb caressing her cheek.

Donna studies him for a moment, taking in his serious expression, his features calm and voice even. She could always read him easily, could know what he was thinking by the mere crease in his forehead, the way he stood and even how he had dressed himself for the day. She didn’t seem to catch any ounce of doubt in him now, but still, after the last couple of weeks, she just didn’t want to put her heart at risk of getting hurt again.

She sighs. “Are you sure? I mean, the last time I said I wanted more, you all but fled the country, scared shitless.”

“That’s because I didn’t know what you meant when you said you wanted more. I didn’t think I fit into that equation and I just-” he shrugs, shame washing over his features. “I got scared again.”

“And now you’re- not scared?” She asks to clarify.

Harvey chuckles, his forehead meeting hers. “I’m terrified half to death,” he confesses.

She fights against the fog in her mind, his skin against hers sending her senses into override.

“Harvey-”

“I just want you to be happy.” He repeats softly.

“What about you?” She whispers, eyes subconsciously glancing between his eyes and lips.

His lips twitch. “I just need you.”

“Need?” She quirks an eyebrow, their conversation from years before replaying in her mind.

“Need.” He confirms, leaning in to kiss her left cheek. “Want.” he moves to kiss her other cheek.

Her eyes flutter at the feel of his soft lips lingering against her skin, heart running a mile a minute.

He takes both of her hands in his then, kissing where her thumbs meet, eyes locked on hers.

Donna feels herself smirking, not used to him being so open and smitten over her.

“I am not a rebound, Specter.” She warns him, a finality in her words.

Harvey shakes his head. “You could never be. We can take this as slow or fast as you want. If you want.”

She observes him for a moment, eyes set on hers, patiently waiting for any kind of confirmation or slap across the face that may come.

She takes a tentative step closer, her shoulders shrugging as she tries to appear nonchalant under his watchful gaze. “Depends.”

Harvey looks at her quizzically. “On what?”

“On how long it’ll take you to shut up so you can finally grow a pair and kiss me.” Her blatant answer has him grinning, eyes twinkling in delight. He grabs hold of her waist with his right hand then, pulling her toward him as his left cradles her cheek. Their noses touch for a mere second, parted lips grazing before he finally closes the distance, swallowing the gasp that leaves her lips.

It’s slow at first, tentative and unsure, just testing the waters. When he feels her tongue against his, he loses any last pretense of control, pulling her closer against him, his head angling hers just so, kissing her deeper still. The faint taste of champagne meets his senses, the significance of it alighting something within him, remembering how fragile she looked the night before, all because he had hurt her. He feels himself growing bolder, lips and tongue bruising her own, meeting her in a dance fourteen years in the making. She tasted like home.

Their lungs protest against the lack of oxygen, and they reluctantly start to pull apart, lips still lightly brushing. His forehead meets hers again, twin sighs escaping them as they try to catch their breath.

“I hope you know this doesn’t mean I give you permission to carry me to bed without me knowing.” She mumbles against him.

“I thought that was exactly what it means.” He wiggles his eyebrows, a teasing grin on his lips.

Donna shakes her head, her own lips quirking up. “Well then, next time you can forego that godawful chair and join me in bed.” She counters playfully.

Harvey beams a her, the reality of what they were doing now, what they were, hitting him in full. “I think that can be arranged.” He whispers, their lips clashing again, feeling her smile widening against his own.