#I’m not ready for summer to be over
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The way it was over 30 degrees every day until two days ago, but today’s high is only 16, and it doesn’t seem like it’ll improve much in the coming days
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How in the world is it pumpkin season already?!
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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Good morning beautifuls
#rowan’s art#acotar#nesta archeron#nesta acotar#pro nesta#pro nesta archeron#colored sketch#she’s ready for a fall equinox party#and I’m ready for summer to already be done and over with
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I’M ALREADY OVER SUMMER…. I NEED IT TO BE AUTUMN AND SPOOKY SEASON!!!!
#I’m so over summer#I need it to spooky season#I need it to be fall#I need it to be autumn#I’m over summer#I’m ready for autumn#autumn#fall#Halloween#spooky season#I need it to be my comfort season#over the heat#pumpkins#leaves
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It is officially September 1st.
Lets get Autumnal bitches.
#autumn my beloved#gonna get out the hot chocolate and watch practical magic#it is time#overheated girls summer is over#time for witch bitch autumn#i sprayed some lost cherry#i’m ready to wear my heavier perfumes again
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06.05.17
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Oh. My. God.
#please don’t head back to Munich just yet…I’m not ready for hot girl summer to be over#you know what they say tho: when sexy summer ends slutty season begins#no one says that actually it’s just me#leon goretzka
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Look at this lil cutie patootie I got today
What shall we name him
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I know his whole thing is Lonely Orphaned Chosen One but I think we need more Summer Birthday Complex!Harry. He’s not the spoiled baby of the family but he is the youngest in his year or very close to it.
#also neville!!!#babies of their year#where is the ‘my best friend is a whole year older than I am’ angst?#the developmental milestone struggles?#the ‘am I a late bloomer or just six months behind?’#the panic of ‘oh my god everyone else is doing things i’m never gonna be ready— oh wait nevermind I got there eventually’#also— bonding with ginny over being the babies of the year (and the weasleys)#hp#do i have a summer birthday complex? don’t worry about it
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last night was the first night in about week where I had absolutely peace so I hope it continues 💗🫶
#ladies I have been absolutely miserable this past week because my new neighbors have been causing so many problems and they have only been#here a week#it’s been so stressful to navigate and it got bad to the point where I couldn’t even be comfortable in my own home and space . I genuinely#don’t understand how you can be so inconsiderate of other people.#something else happened yesterday and my landlord ask spoke to them and I just really hope the issues don’t continue#like I was not handling any of this well at all. literally cried every day since Monday to yesterday because of the stress#and I haven’t been eating. it’s just awful when you have no where to go .#there’s another issue on my mind in regards to them and I’m trying not to make myself sick over it and just react accordingly to when I#find out more because right now it’s just the what ifs in my brain that are not facts yet#anyway I’m ready for this lease to end in the summer lol#I am appreciative of my landlord talking to them but I do not want these issues to continue :(#one day at a time!!#my job is another thing altogether skdjsjjd but literally whatever que sera que sera
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I’M DONE. Well I’ve been done for like 30 mins now but I’ve been rehearsing my recital piece
#and now I need to get ready to actually drive to my rehearsal lol#idk what I’m gonna wear tonight.. my most like…. motherly dress#but idk if I have one 😭#I’ll figure it out#I have lots of scarves I could go for like… babushka#which would work actually bc the opera is set in eastern Europe.. hmm#musicposting#ANYWAY YAY MY SEMESTER IS OVER! IT’S SUMMER!!!!! 😁😁😁❤️❤️❤️#haven’t processed it yet lol#🤓posting
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I can’t believe I just had the worst day imaginable on Lewis’ birthday of all days 😭
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I WANNA BE HAPPT IM READY TO WALK INTO MY ROOM WITHOUT LOOKING FOR YOU GO IP TO THE TOP OF MY BUILDINF AND REMEMBER MY DOG WHEN I SEE THE FULL MOON
#really sad tonight#i miss justice and iris and king#something is hitting me really hard about not having a dog rn#i think it’s that this weekend we’re visiting our parent org and the last i was there was to drop off king#and also im planning on starting to clear his stuff out of my room#i haven’t been able to bring myself to do it yet#and i know all three of my pups are doing awesome#but one of them any of them should still me with me rn#also i’m stressed that the president of the puppy raising club will fuck me over for getting an 8 week old this summer#bc i’m living in a student apartment so dog stuff goes through the student accessibility services#and we’re not sure if they will ok an 8 week old but i don’t think they actually need to know the age of the dog#so we can simply not tell them that it’s a baby bc i doubt it’ll cause any big issues#and i have to pay a pet fee anyway for my apartment so like#but i’m concerned her rule following will somehow fuck it over for me#even tho she’s graduating before i’d even be getting the dog#and if she fucks it over and i have to wait even longer for a dog i’m gonna end up in a shit place mentally#bc rn im just taking time to recover from the hard time i’ve hard raising so far#but by this summer i think i’ll be ready and start hitting a point where not having a dog will be worse mentally than having one#anyway rant over#but yeah this bit of the song is hitting#bc yeah i walk into my room and see the dog kennel#and king should be in it#but he’s not bc he flunked out#and i just am constantly thinking about him or justice or iris#i just feel like shit rn#i also ate too many cadbury mini eggs so my stomach hurts#i think i’m mostly past the point of blaming myself for my dogs’ issues tho so#that’s progress
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when he writes you an entire letter to provide closure (the closure is vaguely mentioning that he messed up a little in the middle of three pages just accusing you of being a manipulative lovebomber): 😨
#Sorry I just needed to rant a little because HELLO ??? WHAT THE FUCK????#Who the fuck does he think he is? It’s so poorly written too#I would excuse it if it was hand written—but this was TYPED AND PRINTED OUT#Not to mention he quite literally blames me for everything. Blames me for making him “loose his ability to be kind”#And for making him “never love again”#I’m sorry? If you think that I changed in a bad way? Because if you do you definitely need help#For the first time in MONTHS I felt confident without worrying about what he’d say about what I was wearing or how I looked#And how uncomfortable it made me every damn time#And I’m not even going to get into the endless amount of harassment and pressure to do the things he wanted to do because it’s gross#Cuz I’m not fully ready to face all that just yet. I’m literally still getting over spoken things and implications#Back to my point—subconsciously I started associating happiness with that feeling I had in the summer rather than with him#I grew as a person. I realized how fucked everything all was. If he can’t see that he might be right about being too far to fix himself#In conclusion: fuck Eloise and fuck his bullshit letter and fuck everything he did to me#S.K thinks#Vent#again….sorry
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i am so beyond tired beyond burnout, i went out for coffee this morning and when i placed my order, the barista so gently asked “would you like an extra shot of espresso in that? it’s on the house” and i almost cried. people good sometimes
#that extra shot did me good too#this whole internship has been a race between me finishing and my chronic illness getting more and more severe and#it’s down to the wire and they’re neck and neck#i started my last week of my last rotation by fainting for the first time in over five years since before i resumed school before my surgery#it’s real bad over here 🥹#BUT me n books had a good conversation about how to better support each other and they’ve been here for me which has been nice#but i don’t LIKE asking for help and relying on other people like this so i’m gonna have to make Getting Better my summer project this year#which will be hard bc the summer depression hits harder at this lower latitude but#i’m gonna do my best. and i won’t have school! for the first time in so long i won’t have school 😶#i’m so excited to get back into RECREATIONAL learning. just for me. because i like it and i’m curious and that’s good for me#me n Books are planning to move in together around the end of the summer and i was like#Every few months i’ll have to tell you what i’m thinking about studying next so you can pick what you’d most want to hear me infodump about😂#it’ll be fun! i already have a rabies lesson plan ready to go (downloaded the most recent textbook on it for free from the uni library 😎)#but i also have good resources to learn about the chemistry and oropharyngeal physiology of taste/flavor AND#i found a great book on ancient meso/american cuisine#plus i’ve flagged so many MOOCs for later. about all kinds of stuff#ANYWAY. it’s been a rough couple weeks/months/years but the end is like. right here. i just have to finish
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