#Tiny Zuko and tiny Azula shall be the death of me

[wiseabsol]

WA Reviews “Dominion” by Aurelia le, Chapter 15: Lost

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6383825/15/Dominion

Summary: For the Fire Nation royal siblings, love has always warred with hate. But neither the outward accomplishment of peace nor Azula’s defeat have brought the respite Zuko expected. Will his sister’s plans answer this, or only destroy them both?

Content Warnings: This story contains discussions and depictions of child abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, and incest. This story also explores the idea that Zuko’s redemption arc (and his unlearning of abuse) is not as complete as the show suggested, and that Azula is not a sociopath (with the story having a lot of sympathy for her). If that doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, I would strongly recommend steering clear of this story and my reviews of it.

Note: Because these were originally posted as chapter reviews/commentaries, I will often be talking to the author in them (though sometimes I will also snarkily address the characters). While I’ve also tried not to spoil later events in the story in these reviews, I would strongly recommend reading through chapter 28 before reading these, just to be safe.

Now on to chapter 15!

CHAPTER 15: LOST

 Alright, I’m a little late on this one, so let’s just dive into the ugly sadness of “Chapter 15: Lost,” shall we?

 The A/N mentions that Toph, Suki, and Sokka will be back in five or six chapters, and a part of me can’t help but think, “Good, you three are distracting us from the Surround Sound Stereo Angst for the Royal Fire Family.” Joking aside, I am looking forward to Toph’s character development later on, because even though I know some of what is going to happen in future chapters of “Dominion,” I legitimately don’t think that Aurelia and I have discussed Toph’s arc yet. It’s a blind spot for me, but I’m okay with that, since I want to have some surprises in the wings, rather than just enjoying how X and Y parts are executed. Both ways of reading this story are fun, but the former is more enjoyable for reader in me, rather than the editor.

 If the outline mentioned in chapter fifteen is still accurate, then that means that we have seven chapters left of “Dominion” at present, before we move on to “Thrones.” That number might be off, though, because Aurelia tends to be more verbose than she expects and has to split the chapters into multiple parts.

 On to the chapter itself. Ty Lee and Mai are meeting in a sitting room. Ty Lee is nervous and Mai wonders if Ty Lee thinks that she’s mad at her, but Ty Lee hastens to reassure her. Mai’s aura indicates that she’s anxious and struggling to maintain control during this conversation. Mai is upset about “Zuko’s mistake,” but she doesn’t blame Ty Lee for it—she knows who to blame (Azula, probably, but maybe both her and Zuko). Mai doesn’t think that it was a bad idea for Zuko to team up with June, because the bounty hunter will track Azula down in short order and have her back in custody.

 Ty Lee is not enthused about this idea. Despite knowing that Mai isn’t going to like it, she tells Mai that Azula shouldn’t be put back into the asylum. As trash of a human being as J. K. Rowling is, I can’t help but think of the quote, “It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends.” Ty Lee, you are the overlooked and unsung hero of this story. There should be shrines in your honor.

 Mai never likes it when Ty Lee brings up Azula, and usually deflects the conversation. Ty Lee also sees Mai less than she sees Azula, so they don’t get much of a chance to talk anyway. “Ty Lee still felt a little guilty about that, but Mai was always so busy, and Mai and Zuko would never even talk about Azula when she was the one who brought them all together in the first place….”

 A few things here. Ty Lee and Mai are maybe a little like Ty Lee and Zuko, in that they call each other friends, but it doesn’t seem like anyone is putting in the effort to be friends. Mai could be making more time for Ty Lee. Mai could be trying to empathize with Ty Lee over the Azula issue. At the same time, I think Mai has been trying to set a boundary with Ty Lee about Azula, but either Mai hasn’t made it clear enough to Ty Lee that this is a boundary, or Ty Lee isn’t able to respect it because Azula is so important to her. It seems like there are competing needs at work here, and the feelings on both sides are valid.

 At the same time, this situation has been festering for years. It’s clear that Mai has never been at peace with her feelings towards Azula, and that this is hurting her as much as it’s going to hurt Azula. I think Mai’s hatred for Azula is founded on the love she once had for her. While a large part of her might think that Azula deserved her fate, and even found it satisfying to see Azula brought low, there might also be a small part of her that wonders if that fall was partially her fault (it was, since Mai accidentally slammed down on Azula’s triggers), and feels guilty for it and for feeling that satisfaction. Also, from the way she’s been behaving, Mai might very well have been just as toxic and false a friend to Azula as she accuses Azula of being to her. She didn’t communicate her needs or desires to Azula, but instead let herself boil alive with resentment. She might blame Azula for how things went down, but she’s ignoring the role she played in it.

 As the conversation continues, Ty Lee dances around why it would be bad to send Azula back to the asylum (because Azula is pregnant), and Mai says, “‘She tell you they abused her? And here I thought it was her dad.’”

 Which brings another layer into this. I’m going to discuss this in more detail later, but Mai has now been confronted with the idea that Azula was an abused child—just as abused as Zuko was. And besides this recontextualizing Azula’s behavior, now Mai is left to wonder, “How did I never notice?” I think there’s a tiny part of her, one that she denies, that is appalled over what happened to Azula.

 Ty Lee, who loves Azula whole-heartedly, is HORRIFIED by this revelation. She feels like the ground is “rushing up to hit her” and remembers how Ozai treated her, the last night she spent in the castle as a kid. And then she…well: “But Azula was so strong, she wouldn’t let anyone do that to her, would she? At least she would have told Ty Lee, they were best friends!” Oh Ty Lee, honey. That’s not how abuse works. Azula wouldn’t have told anyone, both because she was ordered not to by her abuser, but also because that would have meant being vulnerable around someone else. Does that sound like something Azula would do?

 Mai says that Azula must have been lying about the abuse, but the thing is, Azula didn’t tell Mai about it. Zuko did. And even Mai doesn’t really believe it is a lie, if Ty Lee’s aura-reading is accurate. Mai’s just trying really hard to believe in her own lie. Mai argues that Ty Lee only ever sees the good in people—which isn’t true, since Ty Lee can see the flaws in people, but is more forgiving of them than the other characters are (except for Aang). Mai wonders if Ty Lee has convinced herself that there’s goodness in Azula where there is none.

 And that’s…a lot. Because there’s a mix of good and bad in everyone. Some people lean more towards one end of the spectrum than the other, but if you look hard enough, you’ll always find something that humanizes even the most saintly or heinous of people. My stepmother, who was emotionally and psychologically abusive, wasn’t pure evil. She made my father happy. She was fiercely protective of those she loved. She made the best oatmeal cookies in the world and shared my passion for sappy romances. I’ve progressed enough in my healing that I can see these things, and see her as a troubled person who made mistakes and never got the help she needed. But Mai…she hasn’t healed the way I have. She hasn’t forgiven Azula. She might never be able to do that, either, given recent events (and she doesn’t have to—that’s her choice to make). And as long as that’s the case, it’s so much easier for her to demonize Azula, because if Azula is a demon, then Mai doesn’t have to grapple with the messy reality of Azula as a person, or grapple with how Ozai’s, Zuko’s, and Mai’s own choices damaged her.

 Then we get this passage, which I’m going to quote in full, because it’s a slap in the face to absolutist thinking where Azula is concerned:

 “‘I know she did some bad things, some awful things even, but that was four years ago and she was just a kid! We all were!’ [Ty Lee] argued [ . . . ] ‘And most of that stuff she did on her dad’s orders, and who knows what he would’ve done if she refused—’

 ‘Oh yes, poor helpless little victim,’ Mai interrupted coldly, rising to her feet with more grace than Ty Lee. ‘It’s not like she ever had a choice.’

 ‘She had a choice, but this stuff makes a difference, Mai!’ Ty Lee insisted, desperate to make her see it. ‘It makes a difference how we judge what she did! And we know now she was crazy!’ Ty Lee seized on the horrible truth with more enthusiasm than she would ever have guessed, spreading her hands to offer explanation. ‘Doesn’t that make a difference to you?’”

 Context. Matters. It matters so much when you’re judging someone’s behavior. If someone is under duress, or isn’t fully in their right mind, or if they have no good choices, can we really blame them from making bad ones? And in Azula’s case, she was a child. Should she really have been written off by anyone, let alone our heroes?

 Mai doesn’t believe that Azula was mentally ill, though. That was just a part of Azula’s scheme, you see. Ty Lee is rightly appalled by this. “‘Even if—you thought she just made it up—to avoid prison or something,’ she grasped at the logic only loosely, because it was disgusting, ‘you can’t deny what it did to her! She starved herself almost to death, she almost died!’” I really appreciate that Ty Lee is disgusted by Mai’s reasoning here. You go, Ty Lee! Four for you, Ty Lee! You’re the only reasonable person from the Fire Nation in this cast, I swear.

 Ty Lee reminds Mai that there were witnesses to Azula’s deteriorating mental state, but realizes that Mai is in denial about this: “Realization leaked through cold and creeping as the egg Ty Lin broke over her head that one time. ‘Or maybe you can deny it,’ she whispered, horrified, and took a swift step back with hands raised before her when Mai lifted her head.” Yeah, I’m fully in agreement with Ty Lee’s horror. She’s looking at a friend who is so twisted up by resentment that she has lost sight of reality, in favor of believing a comfortable lie—namely, that Azula is irredeemable and so Mai doesn’t need to care about what happens to her. Even though Mai does need to care about this, because Zuko and Ty Lee will be gutted if Azula dies, and the Fire Nation will probably go to war over it.

 “‘I didn’t see her because she treated me like shit,’ Mai spoke deliberately.” Mai is right that she doesn’t have to have Azula in her life if she doesn’t want Azula there. You don’t have to have anyone in your life who has hurt you. But that isn’t all that’s going on here. Mai is still smoldering with anger four years later, and her inability to let that anger go has been eating her alive. It’s making her lash out at Zuko and Ty Lee when they try to broach the subject of Azula. This isn’t healthy for her or anyone else. This is just a continuation of the behavior that plagued her as a teenager—suppressing all of her negative emotions until they explode outwards, rather than allowing herself to feel them, accept them, learn from them, and move on.

 When Mai points out that she doesn’t owe Azula anything, Ty Lee replies that she wouldn’t have met or fallen in love with Zuko if she hadn’t been Azula’s friend. This stings for Mai, given that the siblings have had sex: “‘She gives, and she takes away….’”

 Ty Lee, being more perceptive than anyone gives her credit for, figures out that something must have happened. She’s very sympathetic, asking if Mai wants to talk about it. Mai panics and has another angry outburst, thinking that Azula must have told Ty Lee about what Zuko did. “[Ty Lee] was reminded uncannily of how Azula reacted to Mai’s rejection at the Boiling Rock, and found it hard to fathom how Mai hadn’t run for the hills on receiving such a look.” This is interesting, because it suggests that part of the reason why Mai loathes Azula so much is because of the similarities between them. There is nothing more unsettling than seeing a dark mirror of yourself in someone else.

 Ty Lee doesn’t know what Mai is talking about, and then kicks herself for revealing that to Mai: “Azula would have known enough to pretend she already knew, so Mai would tell her.” Mai shuts down at this point and tells Captain Tadao to take Ty Lee to her rooms, because they’ve “embarrassed each other enough for one day” and that they’ll talk later.

 Ty Lee knows that’s bullshit. “They wouldn’t because Mai never wanted to talk about Azula, and was extra unlikely to want to talk about Azula when she had problems of her own with Zuko.” I’m sure that Mai was reluctant to talk about Azula with Ty Lee because she didn’t think that Ty Lee would let her vent about her anger towards Azula, or understand it and not make excuses for Azula. Which is fair, but Mai should have found someone else to vent to to get the poison out, and then circled back to seeing Azula as a human being who fucked up.

 Actually, you know what Mai probably needs? She needs to confront Azula about what happened between them, because she hasn’t seen Azula since the Boiling Rock. Yeah, Mai had a cool line about loving Zuko more than fearing Azula, but that didn’t get into her specific grievances, or allow Azula to address or apologize for them to give Mai closure. And we know that Azula feels bad about what she did, because it was what haunted her the most when she was having her breakdown. If Azula really was a monster, then she wouldn’t feel that remorse.

 “Ty Lee felt bad about that, and she wanted to help Mai, she really did”—Ty Lee is too good for this sinful Earth—“but Mai wouldn’t tell her anything, and even though her problems seemed bad, Azula’s could get her killed—” Yeah, the most reasonable one of the bunch, our Ty Lee.

 Ty Lee begs Mai to do something to help Azula, because she’ll die if the Earth Kingdom catches her. Ty Lee has this heart-wrenching speech: “‘I know you guys had problems, and—maybe you think she was never your friend [ . . . ] But she thought of you as a friend, Mai, she told me so! She fought so hard to get better, she’s a better person now, and she deserves a second chance! But she’ll never get that chance unless we help her.’” Carve my heart out and eat it, why don’t you?

 And Mai…is unmoved by this. And condescending about it. “‘I hoped your actions might prove you were ready to cut ties with her too. But clearly you can’t be trusted to know what’s best for you” She’s referring here to Ty Lee seemingly choosing the Kyoshi Warriors over Azula. But also, it’s gross that Mai assumes that she knows what is best for Ty Lee. Fuck off with that, Mai.

 Mai doubles down on the whole, “Azula’s awful, I don’t owe her anything, and don’t come crying to me when she hurts you” schtick. If she’d met the adult version of Azula and seen that version of her hurt someone, such as Ty Lee, then this reaction would make sense. What this is instead is Mai holding onto a grudge that is years old and using it as a weapon. She’s clinging to the idea that Azula can never change…even though that’s not how people work. Especially not people in the formative years of their lives, which they all still qualify as.

 Aaaand Ty Lee, panicking now, reveals that Azula is pregnant as a last-ditch effort to get Mai to get her head out of her black-clad butt and see reason. Mai goes into despairing shock at this news and accidentally cuts herself with her own knife, much to Ty Lee’s and Captain Tadao’s alarm. One of the guards tries to grab Ty Lee, but Ty Lee chi-blocks him and he collapses. The next one manages to grab her. Mai orders them to remove Ty Lee from the room, and instead of putting Ty Lee in her guest bedroom, they stick her in a study.

 We learn that Ty Lee actually likes Tadao, because he works hard and doesn’t dismiss Ty Lee’s suggestions on how to improve palace security. He’s the one who comes to see Ty Lee instead of Mai. He tells her that Mai is going to be fine. She might have a scar on her hand, but she’ll still be able to use it. When Ty Lee wonders why she got so upset, Tadao points out that since Mai and Azula are sisters-in-law, Azula’s condition will have an impact on Mai. This is also “the latest in a recent line of insults.” To put it another way, Mai is bitter at Azula for having sex with Zuko and throwing that wrench into her marriage (namely, by revealing that Zuko is not the person she thought he was). Then there are the political considerations, given that Azula’s kid could have a place in the line of succession, if the kid gets legitimized someday. Which then puts little Lu Ten’s claim at risk.

 This also reveals that Captain Tadao knows what happened between Azula and Zuko. For a second, I thought that he was Mai’s uncle, and so the ugly secret was just between them and the Fire siblings. But no, more people know about it, and that is NOT GOOD. But Captain Tadao seems like a good guy (sidebar, but was he the guy who escorted baby Ty Lee out of the palace during the abortion episode? It would be a sweet connection if so), and when Ty Lee asks why Mai won’t confide in her about what is going on between her and Zuko, Tadao is gentle when he tells her, “‘I think you know the answer to that question.’” Ty Lee’s love for Azula and Mai’s hatred of her is something they cannot reconcile, and given how important Azula is in their lives, it’s a potential dealbreaker for them, at least as far as having a close emotional, trusting relationship goes. A casual friendship is still possible, but probably not if Mai or Ty Lee keep pushing each other.

 Mai has decided to pack Ty Lee off to Kyoshi Island, and has gotten her a ticket and an escort to the harbor. Ty Lee has written Mai a letter to continue their conversation. I’m struck by how fast Mai is pushing Ty Lee out of the Fire Nation. What if Ty Lee wanted to visit her family? What if she wanted to enjoy some spicy homecooked Fire Nation food? What if she, god forbid, decided to visit Ozai for a nice shouting match (well, shouting at his comatose body, more like)? Alas, the plot beckons us forward!

 We find ourselves back with Zuko and June. Hooray? I put a question mark there because Zuko doesn’t appearing to be having a good time with the bounty hunter. He is, in fact, puking his guts out. Traveling with June has the feeling of a boot camp to Zuko, because she keeps trying to “toughen him up”: “It reminded Zuko uncomfortably of his father’s early tutelage, before Ozai gave up shaping him into an unfeeling weapon of war, and turned his sights to Azula instead.” Oh Zuko, if you knew what Ozai was trying to shape YOU into, then why blame Azula for—at least in your eyes—becoming it?

 June puts all of the gross chores of their journey onto him, and tries to steal his food to see if he’s cunning enough to get it back. I’m sure she finds this amusing, but I remember how hard Zuko’s journey apart from Iroh was, and I think she might have an overly inflated opinion of her teaching skills.

 In any case, they find the Dai Li agent hiding in a cave and June forces Zuko to interrogate him. It sounds like June is doing the heavy-lifting where torturing the man is concerned, though. June keeps telling Zuko to burn the man, and reminds him that Azula will be tortured if she’s captured. Eventually, the man begs Zuko to kill him, and Zuko has a flashback to when he was burned by Ozai: “he could only think of a hand wreathed in flame, reaching for him.” It’s at this point that Zuko throws up. He tries to argue that the man deserves this: “He would have blackmailed me, hunted my sister down like an animal. He wouldn’t flinch from torturing her, even killing her if he was ordered.” This line of reasoning doesn’t give him any comfort, though.

 I do want to point out that torture, despite what fiction would like us to believe, is an ineffective tool for getting reliable information out of someone. Oftentimes it’s bribery that works better, such as, “You know we can’t let you go, but if you tell us what we want to know, we can make sure that no harm comes to your loved ones.” People in pain will say anything to make it stop, so gentler methods are more effective. However, it’s become ingrained in our cultural consciousness that torture works, despite what studies have shown. And since hurting the villain can be cathartic to an audience, and a hero hurting the villain can tell us something about them as a person, it comes up a LOT in action stories. And while I am exhausted by it being used in this way (torture as a tool of the villains tracks better, since there is no shortage of people who find satisfaction in making other people feel pain), I do see why it is used here. It’s only recently that the ineffectiveness of torture has become more generally known, whereas Zuko lives in a time period analogous to…probably the late 1800s?

 I do wish that the torture here hadn’t yielded the information that it had, or that this information turned out to be bunk upon investigating it. As if it, the Dai Li agent is mostly filling in non-vital information: that he worked as an orderly at the asylum and had a partner there, hence how he got to the beach house on Ember Island so fast. So the partner needs to be taken care of at some point soon. Zuko better remember to send that letter!

 Then we get this chilling thought from Zuko: “Zuko considered for the first time what might have happened, if she had not run from the asylum. If the Earth Kingdom grew impatient [ . . . ] it would have been appallingly easy to make her death look like a suicide, an accident overdose, a bad reaction to her medication….” Yeah, she was definitely a sitting duck there.

 “He wondered if Azula knew, or suspected, that she was in the care of her enemies when she decided to run [ . . . ] She had an instinct for these things. The only time she hadn’t seen it coming was when her friend betrayed her. And when Zuko left to join Aang in ending the war, if her converse [sic] with absent fathers was to be believed—" I don’t know if Azula ever knew that there were Dai Li agents lurking about, but even Zuko is starting to see why Azula has such bad trust issues.

 It looks like June continued with the torture and got the location of her dad out of her victim. I really wish she’d gotten a fake location, but I understand that the plot necessitates a swift end to this subplot. June hopes that Zuko is less squeamish about violence when someone is out to kill him, but I’m sure he would be fine in that situation, because that would be a fair fight, rather than causing someone who is helpless and incapacitated a useless amount of pain. June killed the agent in the end, and when Zuko argues that torturing him wasn’t right, and she replies with, “‘It was necessary. You head one of the most powerful nations in the world, don’t you know what that is?’”

 And…(sigh)…yes, leaders need to make tough calls sometimes. But if they choose to do something this ugly, they really shouldn’t be fine with it afterwards. They should acknowledge that it was evil, but that they couldn’t see another way to accomplish their goal. That route accepts more responsibility than hiding behind the idea that it was for “the greater good” and that no one else could have thought of a better path forward. When June says that the torture was necessary, that doesn’t make it not evil. It just means that she didn’t see another way to get what she needed.

 June then points out that Ozai was a helpless prisoner when Zuko burned him, which stings Zuko. I would argue that Zuko is right about it being different—his crime was one of passion, whereas June’s was coldly calculated. But both ultimately led to human suffering, so both of them were wrong to do it.

 Zuko takes a deep breath to keep from lashing out at June, which tells us that he CAN manage his anger when he wants to. He’s struggling, though, because he’s tempted to tell June what Ozai did to Azula to justify burning his dad. He decides not to: “It didn’t feel right somehow, telling anyone else about the abuse. He wondered if this was how Uncle felt when he found out, and why he didn’t say anything. He still should have said something….” Zuko is right—Azula’s trauma isn’t his to share. He also goes from having empathy for Iroh to being angry with him in a split second, which makes sense. He’s conflicted about how his uncle handled the discovery. At the very least, Iroh should have told her doctors, so she could get the care she needed.

 “How many more of [June’s] cruelties would he have to witness or take part in, before this was over?” This is rough and why I am not a fan of characters like June. Azula’s actions in this fic are calculated to minimize harm; June has no such scruples. She’s too much in “the ends justify the means” frame of mind.

 Zuko has two thoughts that suggest that Azula is the devil on his shoulder, as far as his brain is concerned. “You would [burn Ozai] again” and “You could kill [June . . . ] Remove the threat.” He describes the latter thought as being “so alien and disturbing Azula might have suggested it herself.” No, my dude. Just like hallucination!Ursa is a reflection of Azula’s doubts, whispering!Azula is a reflection of Zuko’s darker thoughts and impulses, which he deflects onto her because that is easier for him to do than face the darkness within himself.

 He then has some off-color thoughts about June, besides the idea of murdering her. “Sometimes Zuko thought she was more animal than woman”—Gross!—“and didn’t know whether to be turned on or disgusted by her antics. He had even wondered once in the long hours he spent riding behind her how Mai would look dressed all in black leather like that.” This would be a much lighter story if Zuko and Mai had just embraced his leather kink, rather than him embracing his toxic desire to possess Azula.

 As June taunts him about how he wouldn’t win if he tried to kill her, he figures out that she knows that he slept with Azula. She confirms it: “‘Your secret’s out. I might have forgot to mention our mutual friend let that slip, before the end. He got a message to the others. Looks like we should’ve moved faster.’” This means that Zuko, Azula, Mai, Mai’s uncle, Tadao, June, and now some unnamed Dai Li agents—who will probably pass this information along to their superiors—are in the know. That is very bad! Zuko had better hope that they’ll be able to spin this information as slander against him and his family, because if people believe it, his family is going to have a tough time holding onto the throne.

 June throws in that now she knows why he has problems with women, which Zuko denies. I feel like he’s better about women than Iroh and Ozai, but his treatment of Azula is definitely skeevy. June, in any case, isn’t bothered by this information, because she doesn’t have siblings as far as she knows. She also doesn’t have the same cultural teachings as Zuko, so she doesn’t have the same taboos that he does.

 We switch over to Mai, who is sulking in Zuko’s study. She’s read Ty Lee’s letter a few times by now and is not impressed. She thinks that she’s entitled to be upset, given the situation, and I can’t fault her for that. “That a man so endearingly awkward and painfully sincere would betray her with anyone, let alone his manipulative bitch of a sister, was a permissible source of surprise.” While I don’t like how she describes Azula, I agree with the rest of her sentiment.

 “That Azula would take fullest advantage of his lapse was not.” This is ridiculous, though. What, did Azula plan to escape while she was ovulating so that she would become pregnant when she seduced her brother? Is that how the story is going in your brain, Mai? Why would Azula do something like that? She’d be disgraced if anyone found out, just as much as Zuko (unless she spun it as rape, which IT WAS. But Mai seems to be thinking that Azula would make a false accusation). Azula certainly will be disgraced if she has a bastard. Also, her being pregnant is going to slow her down and make her more vulnerable. That’s such a stupid plan, and when have Azula’s plans ever been stupid?

 “Mai bent her head and gripped her bandaged hand, to draw a deep breath against the grief that welled inside her like an aching void. A void that demanded how he could do this, how he could still defend her, how he could think she didn’t plan this, why—” Mai is struggling because she knows that she was mostly betrayed by Zuko (she no longer trusted Azula, so how could Azula betray her?), but she can’t help but think that Azula had an evil plan. Probably because if Azula did have an evil plan, then maybe Mai could someday forgive Zuko for falling for it.

 Her uncle arrives and she tells him the news. “And Mai felt a rush of ruthless satisfaction, upon seeing the warden back into the desk adjacent to her, revulsion etched in every line of his aging face. It wasn’t just her. Zuko tried to act like this was a terrible but legitimate mistake, like it was at all comparable to anything he’d done wrong before. But her uncle knew. He knew it was an abomination.” Yeah, Zuko and Azula committed a big cultural taboo. It’s unsurprising that other people are reacting this way. Also, I’m sure some of Mai’s satisfaction is that finally, someone is on her side, rather than on Zuko’s or Azula’s.

 Her uncle voices the idea that maybe the child isn’t Zuko’s at all—that Azula is trying to trap him with a lie—but Mai responds that whether it is or isn’t, Zuko will think it is, and that’s what will matter. She then reflects on her own sexual history with Zuko. They were sleeping together before he defected, and they continued to carry on without protection when he returned. It took two years before she became pregnant with Lu Ten, long enough that she’d wondered if Zuko was waiting to marry her until he was sure she could get pregnant. Which even she knows is a silly idea. He probably just didn’t think to make their union official until she got pregnant and he realized that he should do the “honorable” thing and wed her.

 Mai is salty about Azula getting pregnant from one night with him, when it took so much longer for her. When her uncle asks her what she plans to do, she comments that Azula’s medical records have gone missing. Zuko might have them?

 “‘Supposedly she almost died in the asylum,’ Mai explained, her words ringing strangely hollow to her own ears. ‘Her doctors said she would never fully recover. I wanted to know if I could reasonably expect this to kill her.’ She tried to imagine the princess bleeding out, that she might die screaming in the same agony Mai endured when Lu Ten was born—and couldn’t. But there would be time enough to consider why later.” Mai can’t imagine her ex-friend dying. As much as she hates Azula, I don’t think she genuinely wants Azula dead, as convenient as that would be for her.

 She then subtly suggests to her uncle that they could make it look like Azula just bled out like that—a tragic turn of events, but not anyone’s fault. Mai then accuses Zuko of being irrationally protective of Azula and that he’ll set Mai aside if she moves against Azula openly. I’m not sure Zuko would really do that, since he loves Mai deeply, but I don’t think their marriage would ever recover if Mai killed Azula.

 Her uncle notices her hand, and we get this sweet moment: “Mai put her hand in his offered palm without hesitation. A reflex born of the first months she spent training with knives under his tutelage, when he had often [sic] to tend nicks and cuts gained in her practice. When Mai showed no signs of firebending by her fifth birthday, it was her Uncle Tom who first put a blade in her hand, and offered his home for the summer, so she might learn to use it.” When Mai mentioned that her current injury was an accident, her uncle adds, “‘A man like that isn’t worth hurting yourself over.’”

 This is a genuinely sweet relationship, and it makes me wish that he had been the one who raised Mai, instead of her parents. She probably would have learned how to express her emotions in a healthy way, rather than bottling them up. He also doesn’t seem to care that she was a girl and had gender roles to conform to. Really, I’m glad that he’s in her corner. She needs someone to be, because this situation is legitimately awful for her.

 Mai gets a hug from her uncle, which I think she’s needed for a while. She thanks him for being there for her and not saying, “I told you so,” because her uncle never approved of Zuko. They even make a joke about the situation, about how neither of them thought Zuko would cheat on her with his sister, which is some very dark humor.

 Things take a turn when her uncle comments that the Royal family has been corrupt since Sozin, to which Mai replies that he should be careful, because her son is one of them. Tsutomu then suggests that he doesn’t have to be—that if something happened to Zuko, Lu Ten could be raised away from the toxicity of the paternal side of his family. Mai doesn’t like this idea, but her uncle keeps pushing, suggesting that if Zuko has cheated once, maybe he’s done so before and will do so again. Mai shoots this line of reasoning down, because she’s questioned their household about it and knows better, and doesn’t think that Zuko will stray again. Tsutomu keeps suggesting that they could have Zuko killed, and Mai tells him to stop thinking about it. He insists that he would never do anything without her consent. I want to trust him on this, but given later events, I worry that he might have some involvement there. If he does, it will be a case of him thinking that he knows what’s best for her, rather than respecting her wishes.

 We then shift back to Azula, who was being pursued by Fong’s men, but managed to shake them when she entered the swamp. Unfortunately, her mount broke its leg when they were running down the mountain, so Azula had to put it down. What a waste! It would have been cruel to let it suffer, though. Azula wanted to trade her ostrich horse for a different mount, but the sandbenders never showed up. She travelled in the desert for a while, keeping the mountains in sight to avoid getting lost, but she needed more water before long. That was when she was discovered by Fong’s men, and she has a couple of sardonic thoughts about how her “famous luck” hadn’t helped her out.

 She then starts trekking through the standing water in the marsh, and I’m already shuddering at the thought of all of the mosquitos there. Though they’re probably crossed with something like a wasp to make them extra horrible. Azula climbs up a tree to see if she can spot her pursuers, and thinks about how stupid they were to advertise their intentions in a fight. Fair! We also get the interesting tidbit that benders and nonbenders in the Earth Kingdom tend to work together in squads, whereas this team was specifically all earthbenders and was patrolling during peace time. Azula takes this to mean that they were searching for her. We also learn that Azula is heading to an avatar shrine.

 Azula’s pack is waterlogged at this point, and she sighs in a way that reminds her of Mai. This thought leads her to reflect on her ex-friend, much like Mai was doing earlier in the chapter. There is a humous moment where Azula thinks that Mai would have given herself up to avoid stepping into the swamp, and then a bitter one as she thinks, “You never minded getting your hands dirty except in the most literal sense. Yet it was you and not Ty Lee who finally suffered a crisis of conscience—” Meaning that Mai’s betrayal really did come out of nowhere for Azula.

 At this, Azula starts hallucinating Mai. She nearly falls out of the tree in surprise, with her pack opening up and her supplies tumbling into the water. Hallucination!Mai is offended by Azula’s thoughts, reminding Azula that she loved Zuko and didn’t want his blood on her hands. Azula, after a moment, reminds herself that she’s not in the asylum anymore, so what she’s seeing could just be a trick of the light or her imagination…except the Gaang ran into visions in this swamp, so it might be magic at work.

 Azula tries to get herself back onto the branch properly, but can’t manage a full crunch. Oh buddy, I feel you. She then does the way more impressive thing by swinging backwards, releasing the branch, and grabbing the vines to stop her fall on the way down. She notices that her pursuers are spreading out around the edge of the swamp, probably to intercept her when she emerges. She figures they’ll wait for reinforcements and might try to flush her out when they have better numbers.

 Azula considers that there might be dangers in the swamp that she’ll have to deal with, such as “deadly beasts or hostile primitives.” (Sigh.) Sometimes, her being from an imperialist society rears its ugly head. She figures that she needs to make her way to the far end of the swamp before her pursuers do. She takes some time to regather her supplies and then starts the wet trek, while being swarmed by mosquitos. She decides to heat the air around her to try to drive them off. I wish I could do that on summer evenings!

 We shift over to Zuko, who is fighting with a team of Dai Li. Looks like he and June have arrived at the hideout! June has coated her whip in shirsu weapon, which works well and makes her match with Nyla. Zuko notes that the Dai Li are trying to use lethal force on him and June, since they aren’t there on official Fire Lord business, so no one will know who killed them. June at one point does a handspring that would have impressed Ty Lee, which is a fun detail, and then Zuko pulls a leaf out of June’s book and makes some fire whips. Once they’ve taken care of the team, they go through the cave and pass by the crystal cells, which June doesn’t bother to check because there are no guards around. Zuko has a sinking feeling that some of the guards must have smuggled June’s dad out and they’ll have to start the search all over again, which means that one of the unconscious men they left behind might get a spot of torture. BUT Nyla knocked out the guards before they could flee on ostrich-horseback, so June’s dad is fine and trying to get his cuffs off.

 June’s father is a balding man with a squarish face and glasses. He teases June for taking so long, and then notices Zuko. There’s an argument about the logistics of the fight, the point of it being that June wasn’t sure if Zuko was going to hold his own, and that if he got caught, she was worried that he would have told them which way June and her father ran. Zuko is insulted at the idea that he would have ratted them out, and asks if they would have left him behind. June says that they wouldn’t have, mostly because it would have come back to bite them if they had. Zuko reminds her that now that her father is free, it’s time for her to fulfill her part of the deal and track down Azula. June asks him if he has a scent sample from Azula on him, because the last one they had is ashes now, and led Nyla to him anyway.

 He thinks there are still things in the house on Ember Island that they could use, and remembers some of what happened that night: “Her lips moved silently, forming the same word over and over again. He knew what word she spoke now, two months too late…. I used her no more kindly than him.” Yikes! That word is father and just…ugh. This twisted family. I was trying to explain the appeal of this fic to a friend last night, and I kept saying, “It’s really dark and heavy, but it’s fascinating from a psychological standpoint!”

 The trio decide to head to Ember Island. If nothing there works as a sample, they’ll go to the palace. I don’t think there would be fresh enough scents there, so the beach house will have to work. Zuko thinks that after they find Azula, he’ll “make amends, the only way he had left.” Presumably he means to Azula, but he could also be talking about Mai, since Mai also wants Azula caught, though his sister’s fate afterwards would probably be darker than what Zuko wants.

 We switch back to Azula, who is being badgered by Hallucination!Mai. I am a little amused about the joke she makes about Azula never lacking direction, though the direction was sometimes the wrong one. If this is Azula’s self-doubt talking, then that’s an acknowledgement that she’s made mistakes and hasn’t always gone down the right path, which flies in the face of her usual self-confidence. There is a suggestion that this hallucination is actually a swamp vision, rather than a symptom of Azula’s mental illness. Unlike her normal hallucinations, this image of Mai vanishes as soon as she looks too closely at it. “Strange that the hallucinations at the asylum never did that.”

 This Mai talks more than the hallucinated version of her did. “‘You ever think maybe I didn’t say much, ‘cause I knew you didn’t care what I had to say?’” this Mai says. Azula, tired and bitter, snaps back sarcastically, pointing out that she asked for Mai’s council many times and trusted her as much as she allowed herself to trust anyone. I suspect part of what’s going on here is that Azula is grappling with her fear about how other people—specifically the people she loved—view her. She fears that they see her as a monster and that they’re right to do so, because of the choices she’s made. It’s one thing to have your family by blood betray you, but another thing to have your chosen family do so.

 Azula admits that she used Mai’s “infatuation” with Zuko for her own self-gain (clearly not realizing the depth of Mai’s love for Zuko), but that she “still expected Mai to be smart enough to act in her own self-interest.” She was secure in that belief, otherwise she wouldn’t have brought Mai to the Boiling Rock or let Mai have the “first crack at Zuko.” From the sound of it, Azula thought that she was giving Mai a chance for revenge over being left behind by Zuko. Except that Mai couldn’t stand by as he was killed….

 Which Azula doesn’t understand. “‘He was a traitor!’ Azula screeched in disbelief, her fist clenched so hard she could feel every bone in her hand. ‘He betrayed you just as much as me! And you still chose him!’ Her voice broke. I was your friend first. He wasn’t anything to you anymore. He ended it in a letter, too much of a coward to tell you to your face. He hadn’t even left her a letter, or any warning of what to expect, the next time she was called before their father….”

 While it was a good thing for the world that Zuko chose to help Aang, these are all solid points. Zuko did betray his Fire Lord and nation, so from their perspective, he is a traitor (who, in addition to defecting, then took the throne from Ozai’s appointed heir). He didn’t break up with Mai in person. He didn’t think about what Ozai might do to Azula afterwards. Zuko could certainly have handled the latter situations better.

 Vision!Mai devalues Azula’s friendship next, saying that it didn’t compare to his love, and that Zuko was the love of Mai’s life, whereas Azula was a monster. It’s playing right into Azula’s deeply held belief that the reason no one loves and chooses her is because there’s something inherently wrong with her—something that isn’t wrong with Zuko (even though Zuko has fucked up in this story real bad).  

 Azula punches a tree in anger and thinks that the hallucinations have said worse to her than this, which is super sad. What’s even sadder is that Azula thinks the same things about herself, even without them around: “didn’t Azula think that about herself every day?” She needs some real therapy, not whatever she was getting in the asylum.

 Azula is lost by this point, and decides that she needs to find a dry place to sleep and recover, rather than continuing to drain herself by wandering around. Once she gets into the hollow of an old tree trunk, she takes off her socks and boots to avoid trench foot. Good plan! Though couldn’t she also dry out both with her bending? Probably for the best to let her feet air out, though. She then tries to eat, but her food has bog-water in it, and the rice apparently looks like maggots. Gross! She gets sicks, which could be from her morning sickness, from a blood-borne disease from the mosquitos, from the contaminated food, or from a combination of the above. After throwing up a second time—the Fire siblings both have delicate stomachs this chapter!—she decides to stick to drinking water instead.

 Azula is getting chills now, which suggests that she’s genuinely sick. She then sees Vision!Mai again, who gives her a nasty Reason You Suck Speech. She accuses Azula of not knowing what love or trust is—excuse me, Ty Lee is proof that that’s not true!—and then adds, “‘You never respected me, or my boundaries, or anything that was mine.’” I’m trying to remember if there was evidence for this in the show, or if this is Azula trying to come up with reasons for why Mai turned on her, and wondering if it was these things? That Azula feels guilty about this, though, shows that she is capable of seeing what she did wrong and learning from it. She can grow as a person…though she needs to be allowed to do so by the people around her. Ty Lee gave her that chance and now their relationship is much healthier. But it’s hard to grow when the people around you keep punishing you for what you did, and never believe that the growth you’ve made is genuine.

 Mai then asks, “‘Why else would you seduce [Zuko]?’” which Azula denies, saying she didn’t mean for it to go that far. Apparently, Azula hoped that the kiss would distract him, and then she’d be able to chi-block him so he couldn’t move. Unfortunately, he reacted by throwing her into a nightstand, and after she twisted her ankle, there was no running away.

 Mai accuses her of lying—that she did it because she saw Zuko’s weakness and was exploiting it. She asks, “‘How did it feel when he did that to you?’” and Azula doesn’t respond. I think this is where, if she’d felt any pleasure or satisfaction from the sex, it would sneak in and provide an extra layer of shame. That it doesn’t suggests that all Azula felt was violation and pain in the act.

 Mai says that this must be why Azula hates her—not because of the betrayal of their friendship, but because she “played the game better than [Azula]. And [Azula] lost.” If I’m parsing this right, Azula thinks that Mai believes that Azula wanted Zuko, and that because Mai won Zuko, Mai got more political power than Azula, beating Azula at the political game. It’s an ugly take, and while I don’t think Mai’s accusations are fair—because we’ve seen from Azula’s perspective what her motives were—this does show that Azula knows Mai quite well, because the real Mai’s thoughts run along similar lines as the vision’s. Real Mai believes that Azula seduced Zuko to blackmail him and continue playing the political game, when in reality, it was a terrible mistake. Azula might have “started it,” thanks to Ozai’s training, but she never would have considered kissing Zuko if Ozai hadn’t done what he did.

 Azula asserts that she hasn’t lost until she’s dead. I don’t think she means “winning Zuko” when she says this. She then puts out the fire and goes to sleep, dreaming about her father. After Zuko was banished, her training went into high gear, with more lessons on statecraft and the like. She was so busy that she didn’t have time to miss Zuko—which is definitely a lie—and he would have spoiled her happiness anyway by sulking and trying to get their dad’s attention. “It had been a source of amusement one, but they were not children anymore.” Oh honey, you both were children during canon. Maybe Zuko and the water siblings came of age during the show, but that age was still below what we would currently consider the age of majority.

 Azula wondered what Zuko would have thought about the sexual training Ozai inflicted on her. Not that she would ever have told Zuko. We then get a series of thoughts that were almost certainly things Ozai told her: “[Azula and Ozai were] willing to do whatever it took to succeed, to survive. [Zuko] would never realize that people will use anything against you, unless they are too afraid of your doing the same.” This is a paranoid way of looking at the world and the people around you, and also self-defeating. If people are afraid of you, they will turn on you the moment they think they can get away with it (and sometimes even before then—Mai knew that she was throwing her life away when she saved Zuko, but she did it regardless). Love and trust, on the other hand, are what makes people will stick by you, even if you’re a walking disaster.

 “[Zuko] never saw his own peril, until it was too late. Sometimes Azula thought he still didn’t see it.”—Foreshadowing!

 Azula then thinks about the training itself. “Her father said it would hurt the first time”—that’s a myth. If you have a vagina and are aroused and lubricated enough, even the first time shouldn’t hurt. “—but it didn’t only hurt the first time. Sometimes it was hard to know what he wanted, and he was as intolerant of failure in this as in her firebending.” This is awful, but also, Ozai sounds like a terrible sexual partner. You’re supposed to communicate what you want and don’t want during sex. You can’t expect your partner to intuitively know that. They’re not psychic!

 “As he should. It made her strong.” Azula, that training didn’t make you strong. It destroyed your boundaries and your ability to approach sex in a healthy way.

 “It wasn’t always—Sometimes he would stay with her after, and just talk. She liked those times. It made her feel important. It made her feel loved.” She’s shying away from thinking of it as awful, even though she clearly felt that it was. The implication is also that she didn’t feel important or loved during their other interactions. Ozai, you are a TERRIBLE parent!

 Which I think some part of Azula knows, because when she starts to feel the vines from the swamp wrapping around her, she imagines her dad molesting her. Still half-asleep, she lashes out with fire knives to free herself from the vines and runs out of her shelter. It’s daytime—Azula missed rising with the sun—and Azula is sicker now than she was the night before: “Her head pounded, her heart hammered, her joints ached like she took a beating. Her skin burned so hot that steam rose from her body when she hit the water.” This could suggest that she was beaten by Ozai at some point, but then again, all of these characters have been in combat, so that might be what this comparison is referring to.

 The plants keep trying to grab her, which I think indicates that the waterbenders in the swamp are trying to catch her. I seem to remember them being the ones in control of the vines, rather than the vines themselves being predatory. Azula manages to escape, but is winded from it, which means that she won’t be able to bend. She’s also dizzy, nauseous, and shivering uncontrollably. Plus, it’s actually evening now, so she slept through most of the day. Azula realizes that she has no idea where her old shelter is, so her supplies are lost to her. She’s experienced abdominal cramps, too, and wonders if she’s miscarrying.

 “This was what you wanted, she reminded herself pointlessly, though she knew very well what her mother would say. That she deserved this, for wishing her baby dead. Her tears fell on the water when Azula bent forward to hug herself, head bowed as if she could hold the pain inside anymore—” This might be the first time that Azula thinks of the fetus as her baby, which indicates that she might not want to lose it as much as she thinks she does.

 She then hallucinates child!Zuko, which is heartbreaking. He tells her not to cry, “his round face scrunched in the look of unstudied concern their mother loved so well, and which Azula could never recall him directing at her.” Ouch! The dysfunction in their relationship went back really far, didn’t it?

 “Didn’t he know the world would beat him down over and over again so long as he kept that way? That not just Father and Azula, but every person with an ounce of cunning would take advantage of him when he wore his heart on his sleeve like that? She told him so many times, but he never listened until it was too late.” So she acknowledges that she and Ozai took advantage of his naivety. She certainly did when she tried to trick Zuko into coming home early in season two. But also, Azula has a point. There are people in the world who take advantage of emotionally open and giving people. I don’t think that the solution to this is to harden your heart, though. Instead, you need to surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you. Zuko did that with the Gaang, which is part of why he succeeded and Azula failed. I’ll also note that Zuko would have done better with Azula as his ally, since she would have been more discerning about who was allowed in his court, and could have told Zuko about their ulterior motives and told him the unpleasant truths he wouldn’t want to hear. As it is, Mai has taken on that role.

 “Yet in the end, he prevailed. The world bent to him. He got to be himself without condition, but not her. Never her. She didn’t understand….” Zuko allied himself with what wound up being the winning side, due to Aang defeating Ozai. If Aang had fallen, Zuko’s fate would have been much grimmer.

 Zuko made a better choice than Azula did, but it’s important to note that he knew he had a choice. I don’t think Azula realized that leaving was an option for her. Why would she, when she believed that her nation was the best in the world, that their cause was right, and that if she stayed loyal, she would be the ruler of it all in the end? She would have lost everything if she’d left, and gained…what? The Gaang, Iroh, and Zuko hated her, so she couldn’t go to them. Mai and Ty Lee hadn’t defected yet, so she would have been abandoning them. And while she would have escaped Ozai’s abuse, she also saw Ozai as the only person who valued her and loved her for who she was. Even if being around him hurt, it was better than being alone.

 No one except Ozai, at any point, held out their hand to Azula and asked her to join them. So while she is responsible for her own choices, how much can we blame her for what she chose, when none of her alternatives seemed viable?

 Child!Zuko says that they are playing a game of hide-and-seek, which is true in the grand scheme of this story. He claims that he’ll always find her, which Azula says she no longer wants. He’s disappointed, but insists that it’s getting dark out, so he’ll help her find her way. He then lights the tiniest flame in his hand. “Azula’s stomach clenched painfully at the sight, plucked out from her earliest memories and brought freshly to life. How desperately she wanted to bend when Zuko made his first flame, and she saw how their parents explained over him….” This suggests that neither of Azula’s parents paid much attention to her before she first firebent. No wonder she came to believe that their love was conditional, and that she had to excel at what she did to earn it.

 Child!Zuko, seeing her sadness, assures her that she’ll learn how to firebend when she gets older. I think it was mentioned already that she learned when she was three, which is mind-boggling to think about, since she would have been a toddler. He adds that she’ll pick it up in no time, since she’s “smart for a girl.” Ah, that sexism. He could have left it at “you’re smart,” but he had to add that qualifier. While the Fire Nation is less overtly sexist than the EK and the NWT, it’s clear that sexism is still a problem there. That baby Zuko is saying things like this is symptomatic of that.

 “Half of what he said might be condescending bullshit, but this was still more supportive than Azula could ever remember him being.” This is very sad, since it means that Zuko started treating her as an adversary very early on in their childhood, once she proved better at something than him. He was jealous of her for earning their father’s interest, for all the good that did her. He was “resentful” when she survived her fall at the Western Air Temple, which is so ugly. He should have been relieved. She thinks of other moments where his hatred for her was apparent, like during the Agni Kai, at the asylum, aaaaand….

 “The night he raped her.” And there it is. She can’t bring herself to see what Ozai did to her as rape, but she views what Zuko did as such.

 “And she couldn’t reconcile it. How the little boy who stood before her could do—” This is a fascinating parallel to Mai’s thoughts about Zuko earlier in the chapter. Neither of them can understand how he did this. I’m reminded of how shocking it is to find out that someone that you know and care about sexually assaulted someone. What do you do afterwards? The safest option is to cut ties with them, but that doesn’t address the difficulty in doing so when they’re your family, or the grief of doing so when you’ve loved them for so long, only to find out that they weren’t who you thought they were.

 Azula starts to ask him why he did what he did, but I think she knows the answer to that—because Zuko hated her and wanted to punish her that night. So instead, Azula asks where this good, caring version of her brother was when she wanted him—which, in the context of this fic, was from the time she was a toddler until now.

 “‘Dad killed me,’ the hallucination said forlornly. ‘And you laughed.’” Ozai destroyed Zuko’s innocence just as much as he destroyed Azula’s.

 I thought this was a reference to Zuko and Ozai’s Agni Kai, but this seems to actually be referring to when Azulon told Ozai to kill Zuko, and Azula’s teasing about it: “Her chest clutched painfully when she remembered that night, the night her mother left. And Azula thought it was cruelly appropriate that it was not Ursa here with her, at the end.” Ouch!

 “She whispered, ‘I didn’t mean it.’”—I believe her, but unfortunately, the real Zuko never realized that.

 The vision version of him does, though. “Azula felt his presence as clearly as if he sat on the edge of her bed, when she pulled the covers over her head.” At some point, Azula was just a little girl who hid under the covers. “‘I know,’ she dimly heard him speak. And the last thing she felt was him hugging her shoulders, his head laid against hers.” This is heartbreaking. It’s an exchange they should have had in reality years ago, but one that they might never be able to have, now they’ve hurt each other so badly. This is one of the scenes that sticks with me the most, because of how tragic it is and how poignant the imagery is: of the tiny, kind version of Zuko hugging the adult version of his sister, who is being eaten away by sickness, grief, and remorse.

 And on that tearjerking note, we have reached the end of chapter fifteen. As always, thank you for the read, Aurelia. Thank you also to the folks on FFN and Tumblr who have been encouraging me to work on these reviews. Your support has been keeping me going!

 Until next time,

WiseAbsol

[zi-i-think]

14 | A Promise

Zuko x Ama (OC)

Word Count: 5500+

.☽☼☾.

~ Ama ☾ ~

          A long and deep sigh escaped my lips the moment I trudged back into my room after a long, hot bath. Last night was traumatizing, but today just sucked all the energy out of me. 

         Suh came back, eventually. She claimed that she just took a long walk and got lost in the city. But we all were suspicious of the claim. The thought of Suh just made my blood boil. For many reasons. Like insulting my culture and being involved with murder, just to name a few. But also because I hated seeing her with Zuko.

         I'd finally admitted to myself that I still had feelings for him and it was like I was diving head first into a jealous ex-girlfriend state. If you'd even call it that. The way she was able to wrap her arms around his waist and cuddle into him while he had to pretend to be madly in love with her made my stomach drop.

         Not like I'd ever express that it bothered me. Suh was still under the impression that Zuko loves her. Plus, can you imagine the embarrassment on my behalf. My friends have already been teasing me constantly about my jealousy since they got here and I wasn't about to let them be right about my dislike for her.

         In fact, I was still waiting for an apology from them. How I was right all along. 

         Running my fingers through my damp hair, I eyed the katanas over my bed. The two blades were crossed to make an 'X' shape with the dark green sheaths over them to protect the metal.

          I hadn't touched them since placing them in the spot over my bed. I was scared to ruin them or lose one. Mulan always took such good care of her blades. Almost like they were her own kids. They were her pride and joy. I kept them to keep her memory with me. Remind me about what I fight for. And in the moment of anxiety and stress, I needed the reminder.

          Kneeling on the bed, I reached up on the wall and removed just one of the katanas. I carefully slid the sheath off, revealing the reflecting and clean blade. I could vaguely recall the feel of Mulan's hand over mine while she tried to teach me how to wield it. But I could barely even picture it. Just like how I could barely recall her face. It's only been a year, but I've spent so much of that year trying so hard to move on that she was starting to disappear from my memory.

         "No, gorgeous, you slice with a katana. Not jab." I could still remember her voice though. "And your grip is all wrong. Move it closer to the guard." She could pick up anything I did wrong. Every movement and imperfection was called out and then fixed, until I'd mess up again.

         I examined my tired eyes through the reflection of the blade. And when I thought of what I was fighting for, I didn't see the blinding smile of Mulan like I would before. But instead I saw the golden eyes of Zuko.

          A soft tug pulled at my lips and my stomach fluttered. Something about falling back in love with the firebender made me dreamy. It was different than we were 18. We were trying to hold together a relationship that neither of us were ready for. Now it was different. We were adults who knew ourselves better and ready to complete another half.

         A tiny knock sounded at my door, getting my attention. My eyebrows furrowed curiously while I turned my head to the door. "Who is it?" I asked loud enough for whoever was on the other side to hear. I was far too exhausted to get up from my comfortable position.

          "It's me, Katara." My sister's soft voice was heard.

          I thought she'd have gone to bed by now. Like me, she barely got any sleep last night and looked mentally drained all day. "Come in."

          The door barely made a sound as Katara came in and locked the door behind her. "You need to lock your bedroom door." She told me tensely. I was about to ask what why but then realized that the palace was broken into and that Azula was out to get me. Katara's arms were wrapped tightly around herself while she walked over to me. "Whatcha looking at?" She sat beside me, her reflection coming into the katana's blade.

         "This was Mulan's signature weapon. She was very protective of it. Never let anyone touch it." A wistful chuckle left my lips, remembering how she'd shout at everyone to get their hands off the katana. "Except for me, of course. Just once, though, before she yelled at me because I almost dropped it."

          My sister giggled while I sheathed the blade. "She sounds like quite the perfectionist." Katara remarked as I crawled to the frame of my bed.

          "Oh, she was." I carefully placed the weapon with it's other half and then fell back into the bed, my head falling into my pillow. "She woke up the same time everyday, always had a plan for the day, always corrected people."

          Katara laid down on her side facing me. "Sounds like we would've gotten along."

         "I firmly believe that the two of you would have worked against me in arguments." I pointed a sardonic finger at her. I could just imagine Mulan and Katara instantly clicking and then being on my ass about little things like timing. There'd be no escaping it.

         "Maybe we'd help you with your little procrastination problem." Katara smirked, still a bit ticked off that I put off many of my bridesmaid duties. Really, I just put off the least important things. Not the fun things like making arrangements for Katara to try on wedding dresses or helping pick decorations. But those little things did eventually catch up to me and left me stressed for weeks.

         I rolled my eyes at her playfully. "So... are you going to tell me what really happened?" Of course Katara would be one to confront me about this. I was thankful for it really. I was never exactly the person to call out for help or to go to others to talk it out. But since we were kids, my sister always made sure that I could confide in her. Even if I didn't always believe it.

         I let out a soft exhale and moved to my side to face my sister, resting my head on my arm. "After 3 years of travelling and learning, there was just something missing, you know? I didn't know what that was until I met Mulan. She saved me from a group of bandits."

         "Oh, so you were the damsel in distress and she was your hero?" She teased, making me giggle and shake my head in humiliation.

         "Okay, yes. I was in distress, but it was like 5 of them against one of me. Two of which were earthbenders." I held up two fingers and then allowed my hand to flop back on the bed. "Anyways, she was a part of this group that protected villages and people from bandits and gangs."

         "Yeah, those have been on the rise lately." Katara frowned.

         "And that is why the Miraculous Bastards existed."

          A questioning snicker spilled out of Katara’s mouth at the name and she tilted her head with an amused expression. "The Miraculous Bastards? And I thought Sokka's nicknames were bad?"

         "Taon's idea. He was kinda like the ecstatic and reckless one." I told her, somehow feeling that there should be some sort of explanation for the odd name. "There was also Masha and Bono, they were siblings. We all had our own strengths and fighting styles. We were basically unstoppable."

         I could vaguely picture the nights after heroically saving a village. We'd sit around a campfire in our filthy clothing and our bodies feeling weak. Masha would prepare something to eat while Taon would sleepily shower her with compliments. Mulan's head would lay in my lap while she "rested her eyes" and Bono would write in his journal.

         My adoring smile for them fell. "I don't even know if they realized that they were going to be killed. The rock avalanche buried them all in moments. And Mulan was killed right in front of my eyes." My voice cracked and tears started to form in my eyes.

         Katara pulled me into her arms while she cradled me and I wrapped my arms around her. Her hugs were so comforting. "Katara I wanted to kill their murderers and I almost did in the most horrid way..."

         Katara was silent. I didn't need to say it, but she knew. Bloodbending was something neither of us took lightly. The way I reacted and the shame I felt, Katara could already understand it. While she used it to get almost revenge for Mom's death, I used it for Mulan.

         "And you didn't tell us because you didn't want to bring that part of yourself here." She put together like the people-reading person she was.

         "I guess it was going to come back to me no matter what." I somberly replied and shrugged to the extent that my shoulders allowed while I was in the cuddle.

          Katara shifted in the bed a bit, dragging one of the pillows down to rest her head. "I also need to apologise for not believing you about Suh."

         Finally, this was addressed. A light giggle left my lips. "I love being right." I felt my sister shake her head through the top of my head where her chin rested.

         "Can't you just accept the apology?" She complained and her shoulders tense up a bit.

         "Who said I didn't? I just needed to make it clear that I love being right. You guys should really listen to me more."

         "You know I would agree with you but listening to you has led to many bad situations." I moved away from the hug for a moment with a challenging look, ready to ask her to name some of these said 'bad situations'. But she was already one step ahead of me. "It was because of your crush on Jet that we trusted him, eating those berries that left us all sick for days, Sokka almost broke his arm once when you dared him to climb that one tree. Shall I go on?"

          Katara was right. I had my good moments, but thinking about it, there were also a lot of less than ideal ones that proved I wasn't to be followed blindly. At least, I shouldn’t have been trusted then. "Okay, but that was years ago.” I retorted. Still my sister chuckled at me with an unbelieving espression. "Shouldn't you be with your fiance?" I wondered since Katara isn't usually one to just come in to chit chat right before bed.

         "I felt stressed. Aang is great at cuddling, but I think I just needed some sister bonding time." She claimed, but it felt deeper than that. The fact that the first thing she did was lock the door, how her arms were wrapped tightly around herself, and now were locked around me. She was scared.

        No, not scared. Concerned. This was supposed to be her week. The one where she's nervous and just waiting to walk down the aisle to the person she'll be spending the rest of her life with. Not anticipating an attack to kill her sister. Not to mention, Azula threatened to burn Katara on the night of her bachelorette party.

        I tightly hugged Katara, rubbing her back. "I'm going to be fine, Katara." I assured her. "I beat Azula once before and I can do it again."

        Katara sucked in a breath and held it, like she was contemplating what she was going to say next. "Just promise me that you won't let your emotions get the best of you." She asked me quietly.

        "What do you mean" I wondered just as quietly.

        "Sis, Azula is the reason that Mulan is dead, she threatened me... She's playing some sort of sick game and you can't fall for it." She spoke in a hushed tone. Behind her plea, I could understand where her fear was coming from. She was scared I'd kill.

        The room fell silent in a thoughtful moment. I was positive that we would be able to beat Azula, I was just scared that she'd hurt someone. She had a list of people to choose from. There was also Zuko, Sokka, Toph, literally anyone close to me. I didn't want to think that I'd do something so evil, but if Azula even touched them, I don't know if I'd hold to that promise.

        "Ama." Katara pleaded after the quiet minute. "Promise me."

        A soft breath of air escaped my lips. I needed to restrain myself from anything I may regret. "I promise."

.☽☼☾.

        The days passed quickly. Sokka and dad spent the days barking orders. The amount of guards they placed around the palace was honestly a bit much. Every turn I'd make there was a Water Tribe warrior, in all their traditional furs and armor, posted at attention. I could only imagine how many of them would be at the wedding.

        Suh was indifferent. Everyone tried their best to stay nice to her so that she wouldn't catch on that we were on to her. And Zuko kept her as far away from the wedding planning as possible so that she wouldn't get a whiff of where the guards would be placed and also to keep her from sneaking off.

        Sucked for me. The firebender and I would only see each other at dinner. And even then, we couldn't really have our own conversation.

        I continued with my duties in helping Katara the best I could. Confirming the seating, the cake, the marriage officiant and quite literally everything else. Katara spent so much time second guessing everything she and Aang had previously decided, it was getting annoying. The pre-wedding jitters were getting to her. And it was bad.

        But when we weren't working on the wedding, the two of us would practice our waterbending. It killed two birds with one stone, because it both helped us calm down and prepared us for whatever Azula had planned.

        This morning, though, Katara didn't show up. Sitting on the bench in confusion, I just gave up on waiting for her. Maybe she's with Aang or slept in. I went to the middle of the training yard, and manipulated some water to my sides, moving it from side to side.

        Since it was just me, I was kind of limited with what I was able to do. I started with a water gimbal, two rotating rings of water around my body, and shot it at two practice dummies, the force of the water made the two fall back. I then spun my arm, taking more water from the snow and threw it at another dummy. The water turned to sharp ice at the end to strike it, but it missed and skimmed the neck of it.

        I stood there in surprise. I missed? I haven't missed in years. With a frustrated grunt, I took more water and did the same move. But throwing it with more force. The ice hit the dummy hard and it skidded back before it fell to the ground.

          A pair of fast and heavy footsteps coming in my direction caught my attention. My face twisted in confusion as I looked over seeing Sokka run towards me with his arms out beside him. "What are you doing?" He stressed the question.

        I took a second to observe what he was wearing. His formal dark blue Warrior getup that made him look more muscular and his hair was slicked back tightly into his wolf tail. I cocked an eyebrow at him and put my hand on my hip. "What am I doing? What are you wearing?"

        My brother's jaw dropped and he stopped in front of me. "Are you stupid woman!?" His arms flung out in front of him when he asked the question. I glared at him lightly and crossed my arms to give him a threatening look. "Uh, I mean. What are you wearing? We are supposed to be at the airship docks in literally thirty minutes."

        The color drained from my face and my arms fell at the realization. "This has to be some sick joke, Sokka." I denied, nervously laughing as I shook my head. He always played jokes. This had to be one of them. "The guests are arriving tomorrow."

        "The wedding is tomorrow!" Sokka grabbed my shoulders and shook me back and forth. "They're! Arriving! Today!"

        "Shit!" I threw Sokka's arms off me and spirited back inside.

        "Run! Run like the wind!" Sokka shouted in the background. My legs carried me through the halls. I almost ran into a few maids. I probably would have if all of them were actually working here in the palace instead of setting up for tomorrow.

        How did I forget this? I’m the fucking maid of honor!

        I swear the running from the training yard was probably more of a workout than I thought I was going to be getting.

        I turned one corner, and immediately jumped to my left to avoid crashing into the blur of a person. "Sorry!" I called the apology but didn't bother seeing who it was.

        "What the fuck, Ama!" Toph's annoyed voice shouted back.

        My hand gripped the head of the staircase pillar, my body swinging to turn and sprint up the stairs. I had to make another right turn at the top. This time I wasn’t so lucky and bumped right into a firm chest. Thanks to momentum, I started to fall back, but whoever I just crashed into grabbed my wrist and pulled me back up.

        Once I got my balance back, I looked up to see who I now had to apologise to now. Just my luck, it was Zuko. Not alone, however, because Suh was right there, sending me the deadliest of glares. Because how dare I bump into her boyfriend. His face was scrunched up in confusion and he opened his mouth to question me.

        As much as I wanted to hear his gorgeous, fruity voice, now was definitely not the time. "My bad!" I hopped around him and continued with my mission.

        Approaching my room, Suki luckily stepped out of her and Sokka's room in her Kyoshi uniform. "Suki." I gasped for air and realized that there was no way I'd be able to form a coherent sentence. "Help. No time. Clothes."

        She took one look at me, seeing that I was in old, workout clothing and got the idea. An amused laugh came from her lips. "Oh my Spirits, Ama. You have five minutes tops." She commented, the two of us hurrying into my room.

        I gave her a thumbs up and scurried to the bathroom for the quickest shower I've ever taken in my life. Suki was turned away from me when I stepped out of the bathroom naked. But she had my undergarments, dress, and everything else laid out on the bed for me.

        I threw the lavender dress on and then the long purple fur coat. "You decent?" Suki asked just as I pulled my hair out from under the layers.

        "Yep." I responded and scurried over to the end of my bed. She handed me the hair brush and waited til my hair was smoothened out to start putting my hair into a traditional style as I put on my fur boots, trying not to bother her.

        "You are a mess." She giggled at me, moving to the other side of me, grabbing another chunk of hair from the underside of my hair.

        "Tell me about it." I rolled my eyes with a deep sigh.

        "But you look good, despite taking four minutes to get ready." She wiggled her eyebrows in a teasing way. And here comes the taunting. "I don't think Zuko's going to be able to take his eyes off of you."

        I froze for a fraction of a second. The entire week, not one person taunted me about Zuko. Which was ironic. So I was kind of caught off guard. A nervous laugh left my lips. "What? No, that's false."

        "Oh please, Ama. Every chance he gets he takes a peak at your gorgeous self." Suki shook her head, finishing up the last tie in my hair. "And with Suh being, well evil, I think the two of you have a chance."

        I had to restrain myself from laughing out loud and telling her that she's on hundred percent right. Well, not saying that Zuko and I were going to fall back in love and then la-di-da we get married, just that there's a chance.

        "I'd make a comment, but we really need to get going." I reminded her. Suki nodded rapidly and we raced down to meet the rest of the group at the front of the palace.

        Everyone was already sitting in the two separate carriages, just waiting for us to get on so that we could head to the docks. "Finally!" Katara stood from her seat to shout at us.

        "Sorry!" I called back. Suki and I jumped into the carriage with Sokka, Toph and Haru. We let out a simultaneous breath of relief that we weren't late, which was a miracle.

        Sokka shook his head in disappointment at me. "Sis, you have a problem with time."

        “Shut up.” I grumbled and just let my body relax into the leather seats. The carriage lightly jolted forward as the buffalo yak started to move us away from the palace and to the docks.

        “Snowcone, don’t you have a schedule or something? I mean, you are the maid of honor.” Toph pestered me with her signature smirk.

        “We all make mistakes, people. Just give me a break.” My fingers pinched the bridge of my nose. I love my friends dearly. But sometimes, I’d prefer if they didn’t tease me so much.

        “I don’t think you’ll be getting a break anytime soon, girlie. Cause Suh is staring daggers straight at you.” Suki giggled and bumped her shoulder to mine. I kissed my lips, clearly annoyed, and straightened my posture in my seat. 

          The way the carriages were made was so that four people could sit in each of the seats and there were two long seats facing each other on both sides. Suh sat facing the back, and I sat facing forward. So she was able to stare right at me without even having to move her neck.

        Zuko sat next to her, engaged in a conversation with the others. The malicious woman was the only one who wasn’t even trying to interact with the others.

          The two of us made eye contact, and I couldn’t help but narrow my eyes hatefully back. Sending her an even sharper glare. A tiny and mischievous smirk played at her lips. She hand slithered up Zuko’s and rested it on his bicep. The firebendered paused in his conversation to give his clingy girlfriend attention. His soft smile turned into a grin, seeing her imploring eyes.

        I clenched my jaw and looked away from the couple and at the snowy landscape of the South. Despite being fully aware that his grin was fake, it still bothered me to see them together. Which was exactly why Suh felt the need to showcase that she was the one dating the Fire Lord.

        And sickening enough, I felt comfort knowing that Zuko was loathing her touch. That he was probably imagining that it was my arm wrapped in his. My lips curved ever so slightly at the thought.

        Before I knew it, the carriage came to a stop. I turned my head to the opposite side, realizing that we were already at the airship dock. I was the last person to step out of my group’s carriage and was already being approached by an irritated sister.

        Katara’s hands rested on her hips with an irked head shake. “How could you possibly forget that people were arriving today? Did you also forget that the wedding was tomorrow?” She fumed. I flinched a bit at her tone. “They’ll be here any minute, we were almost late!”

        “I thought today was thursday.” I gave her my pathetic excuse with a nervous smile and shrug.

        Katara sucked in a deep breath and her glare gave me the idea she was just about to strangle me. Aang came up behind her, rubbing his hands up and down her arms soothingly. “Sweetie, why don’t you go greet your dad.” He suggested quietly to calm her down a bit. His fiance nodded as she let out her breath slowly. Katara walked faster in front of us while Aang and I took a moderate pace to the greeting area.

        The airship dock was huge. The snow and ice was cleared away from the slabs of rock for a safe landing and so that everyone could walk without slipping. Since not everyone was as accustomed to the natural snowy ground of the Southern Water Tribe. A line of pine trees were planted on the sides and two large ice sculptures with the Water Tribe insignia on top stood off to the side.

        “She’s more anxious than I thought.” I worried for my sister out loud.

        Aang let out a deep chuckle while we both looked over at her, blabbering about something to dad while pointing in various spots. “Can’t blame her. I mean she has both a wedding tomorrow and Azula to worry about.”

        “Yeah, I’m sorry about that.” I apologised for probably the thousandth time in the past week.

        Aang kissed his lips and shook his head at me. “Can’t blame you for something Azula is doing.” He, yet again, assured me. “We’re going to be ready for whatever she has to throw at us.”

        I gave Aang a thankful smile. “I’m really glad that Katara is marrying you.” I meant that genuinely. Aang always treated my sister with respect and as an equal. Never looked down upon her. Instead, they always picked each other up and encouraged each other to be their best selves. They were perfect for each other.

        “But if you ever hurt her, not even the Avatar state will be able to save your ass.” Aang’s grateful grin fell as fast as he could run. His face flushed at my threat and he nodded rapidly. “Good talk!” My expression changed completely and I gave Aang a cheerful grin and firmly shook his shoulder.

        “The first ship is arriving, people!” Sokka’s commanding voice announced. “And by the looks of it, it’s Earth King Kuei!”

        At a fast pace, everyone got into formation. Aang and Katara stood up front and in the middle with their arms linked, Dad, being the Head Chieftain, stood close by with Malina. I stood on Katara’s side, along with Sokka, Suki and a couple others. On Aang’s side, stood Zuko and the rest of the group.

        I smoothened out my dress and fixed my posture. Shoulders back, head up, a welcoming smile. My excitement grew each second. I hadn’t seen my old friends in so long. I wondered how much of their lives had changed.

        I glanced to my side, seeing Zuko glancing back. I bounced my eyebrows in an attempt to communicate my excitement. His chest rose in his quick chuckle at me before we focused our attention back onto the dock.

        The first Earth Kingdom airship landed delicately. The gold insignia on the green material of the blimp already screamed Earth King. The ramp lowered and King Kuei happily walked down, but shivered at the sudden cold air. Beside him walked everyone's favorite bear, Bosco. And someone new was at his side as well, with her arm locked onto his. The woman was dressed in regal clothing and a heap of jewelry.

        “Welcome, King Kuei.” Hakoda bowed his head and the Earth King bowed as well. “A pleasure to have you here. Earth Queen Lina.” He bowed to the woman.

        “Oh course!” The king exclaimed. “Wouldn’t miss the Avatar’s wedding for the world!” He turned to Katara and Aang and bowed to them. “Congratulations, you two.”

        And the greetings went on. More Earth Kingdom blimps brought Haru’s mother, the Kyoshi warriors, Bumi. Overall, everything was pretty formal. More bowing and congratulations. Katara and Aang looked so happy seeing all their friends arriving and being in one place.

        Then the Fire Nation ship arrived. Iroh stepped out first, followed by Ursa, Noren and Kiyi. The next family to exit the ship was Mai’s mother and little brother. Iroh wore a large grin of his face and had a skip in his step while he approached us.

        “Welcome to the Southern Water Tribe. It is a pleasure to have the rest of the Fire Nation royal family joining us.” My dad bowed.

        “The pleasure is all ours.” Iroh responded with a rumbling chuckle. “After all, it would be a terrible mistake to pass up the chance of witnessing such a beautiful marriage.” He, and the others, bowed to Aang and Katara.

        “Ama!” Kiyi’s bubbly voice exclaimed and she ran towards me.

        “Woah.” I chuckled in surprise at her sudden hug. “Hey, kiddo.” I had to bend down a little in order to hug the girl back, but she was still significantly taller than 6 years ago. “Look at you, you’re so tall!” She kept her hair short, cut at shoulder length, and still had those inspiring, innocent brown eyes.

        Kiyi stepped back with a bright, childlike smile. “I know I’m twelve now! You missed so much! Zuko’s been teaching me firebending and I started school like a while back, obviously-!”

        “What, you won’t say hi to your older brother first?” Zuko interrupted the pre-teen with an amused smirk.

        Kiyi’s hand went up to block her brother. “You’re insignificant to me right now.” She rolled her eyes. Zuko and I’s jaws dropped and he faked a scoff. His mother stepped forward to him with a loving smile to hug her son. “Anyways, Zuko was writing to me about the polar bear dogs and that there's a whole stable of them?”

         “Oh yeah.” I nodded. “I’d be more than happy to take you to see them before you guys leave, if your mother allows it.”

          Kiyi turned to look at Ursa with a pleading look. Her hands were placed under her chin and she pulled out the most impressive puppy eyes I’ve ever seen. “Please mom. I promise I’ll be good.”

          Ursa let out a morthly sigh and glanced at Mai’s mother. “Take Tom-Tom with.” She concluded. Both Kiyi and Tom-Tom jumped up in excitement with a loud ‘yes’.

          “And I’ll go with.” Zuko joined in. Suh furrowed her eyebrows, being slightly taken aback by his volunteering. He turned to his girlfriend. “You can spend an hour or two with Mai, right?” As soon as he said that Mai’s head fell into her hand.

         “Perfect.” Ursa gave me a pleased smile.

         My stomach exploded in butterflies. Finally. A moment with Zuko. Even if we were technically babysitting and he was probably offering because he needed to protect his sister if Azula showed up. It was a moment nonetheless. We just had to hope that Azula didn’t try anything before then.

.☽☼☾.

~ Azula ϟ ~

         I sat on the highest chair in the unpleasant cavern. It was no throne, but it did well to get me the respect I deserved. One leg was crossed over the other and my fingers intertwined dominantly. A satisfied smirk grew on my painted lips as I looked over yet another piece of my puzzle. 

         A group of perhaps 30 men and women sat in the old ice cavern, gobbling up their food like the greedy, yet desperate people they were. Some spun small knives, while others swung a sword side to side. Then there were other who’d rotate small chunks of rock in their hands or manipulating fire or water.

         “I must say, Bohan, Puha. I didn’t know you two could pull it off so well. I’m impressed.” I hummed with pride. With just a cocked eyebrow and a tilted head that screamed my curiosity the two glowed in self-satisfaction. “How did you do it?”

         Bohan’s chest rumbled in a boastful chuckle. “You have any idea how many people are out there who hate the Avatar?” He questioned me. I knew that there was definitely a large number, but for them to find so many in such little time, it baffled me. 

         I looked out at them all again. Benders and nonbenders all in one place with a hate for the Avatar. Here to serve me in my quest. Just for the pleasure of ruining a wedding.

.☽☼☾.

Lowkey though. I wrote some of this while tipsy and the part with Ama and Suki I wanted to write "Ama and Suki kiss and left Sokka and Zuko to live in a cottage with tons of flowers and baked everyday." Lmao.

If you liked the chapter please consider giving it a like, it always brightens my day. I love you all liked it! I loved writing it!

Hang Loose, amigos 🤙🏼

[firenationskydominion]

Chapter 14: The Dawn of Ozai

Ozai was woken by his servants. They had prepared and heated the bath chamber and when he emerged refreshed and tidied up they clad him in his ceremonial robes. He was weary of his situation. The temptation was strong to fall back into old patterns and Mya wasn’t there by his side. The thought of her deserting him pained him and his loneliness crippled him even more. He had had little sleep and even the strongest tea did not help. He saw the rings under his eyes. He was 46, divorced with two nervewrecking teenage kids and becoming the Phoenix king had been his midlife crisis. He was over it now, or was he?

His scribe brought him the protocol of the day:

 War meeting

AgniKai between two enemy senior officers

Finding Zuko

He sighed and stepped out to decide. His first decision was to move two Batallions towards Omashu. He would personally lead them, as Zuko was likely there and he was the heir to the fire throne. He needed to talk to his son - if he had survived the ordeal of being a statue.

The Agni Kai he witnessed was well fought and left the younger loser scarred on his back. Ozai prided himself that he who had fought hundreds of these fights and yet had no bad scars to show. He healed fast and he fought even faster.

He left the arena and boarded his war zeppeline and set course towards Omashu.

At dawn both battalions had reached Omashu and so had the Earth Kingdom army.

Ozai heard the voices of Aang and Klaus in his mind and Mya. He meditated to soften his heart. He sent a bird to Bumi with a note:

“Honorable King Bumi, I understand that you are holding my son and my generals. I kindly ask you to free them to avoid any conflict. Eternally grateful, yours Firelord Ozai”

A tad bit passive aggressive, but he was proud of himself.

Ozai was drinking Myas favourite tea, when a bird arrived.

 “Esteemed Firelord Ozai! I, Bumi, King of Omashu, am tired of your aggressions - and of those of Earth King Kuei. Therefore I suggest we meet for tea in the neutral zone. I have decided to define Myas ship as said zone. Mya and her ship are in the skies over Omashu. Zuko and your generals are safe and well looked after. They will depart to the ship momentarily. In eternal admiration, King Bumi”

Ozai had mixed feelings. His people would go berserk if he agreed to peace under any terms. Yet Myas ship was present. Azula had planned to use them for the Fire Nation. Now the ship might be the leverage for peace. Under Firenation terms.

From the window of the Zeppeline he saw how a pod pod ascended to the sky. Shortly after he received a transmission from Mya: Zuko and the Generals were safe.

He penned an answer:

 “Dearest King Bumi, thank you for freeing my son and my cabinet. As you may understand, any action from the Fire Nation needs to be carefully drafted. I will meet my advisors first on the Eternity. Please extend my greetings to Earth King Kuei and that I am always open for dialogue, but I must also represent the will of my people and the future of our nation and its industry. Yours faithfully, Firelord Ozai.”

Bumi scratched his head.

B:         He writes such sweet words, but does he mean them?

Eternity had sent down a pod to get Ozai and he felt at home when he stepped out into the vast entrance hall of the Eternity. Mya came and embraced him:

M:        You haven’t slept, my love...

O:        My biggest worry was not my kingdom, but you leaving me, my love.

M:        I always set duty first. I am here. Let us talk. We need a plan, now.

Mya led Ozai to a meeting room on the pod bay.

M:        So what’s your take on peace negotiations?

O:        Hundred years of aggression from our side will not be forgotten easily by the Earth Kingdom. We must find a way in which each side can save face.

M:        Hm... there are not two sides anymore but three. The fact that we’re together complicates everything. Also Amons involvement with Azula.

O:        I am ready to step down. This will be a strong sign. And your power will keep Earth Nation in check not to retaliate on Fire Nation once we have left Omashu.

When Ozai got up to leave I caressed his face.

M:        I missed you, my love.

O:        So did I.

M:        When all this is over, we will be free.

We kissed. I longed for his touch, but there was no time.

We went to the big meeting room where all Generals kotaued before Ozai. Zuko looked at his father with disgust.

O:        I haven’t come here to quarrel or to fight. Truth is, our treasury is depleted, we need to invest in research and the war costs us far more than it delivers. Zuko, I know you are angry that I have again taken the crown, but Aang reinstated me and gave me back my bending powers.

Everyone in the room gasped. Zuko went pale.

O:        You want my crown Zuko. You’ll get it back soon enough and will have the rest of your life to sort things out and enjoy the pleasures and pains of being a Fire Lord. I was burnt, but I rose again. Now I can really call myself Phoenix King. Son, you have hurt me, but then I have also hurt you. Violence creates counter violence. Just as trauma creates war and war creates trauma. Let us break the cycle. For the sake of our children, grandchildren and generations to come. Fire nation has always been the first in using new technology. Joining up with Mya and Amon will enable us to look beyond Earth Nation. Let the earth benders play with mud while we take on the stars. My wife, Timelord Mya commands this ship and these ten thousand men. You might ask, why not use them to take over Earth Nation? What did we want from Earth Nation? Ore. Space has a million times more ore and this is what we will get.

 Mya and I have set up trade deals between Fire Nation and the people of the planet Kepler 1765. They will give us ore in return for a team of firebenders to help them build railway tracks on a very volatile planet for four years. You Generals have sacrificed your livelong duty and even your sons and brothers for the siege and I will be eternally grateful to you. Fire Nation is big. Now it will be known on the planetary map. Mya will help us to transition into space age. Once the news is out that we exist the visitors will come. Most of them benevolent. But some of them hostile and technologically advanced. I will lead this transition of the Fire Nation to face these new threats. Until today fire meant destruction, but fire is also protection. Protection of this planet of ours. I order you to follow my command, but I kindly ask you to also unburden your hearts and follow my lead in this.”

The generals were doubtful, but then Amon entered the room. He was weak but he was shimmering again. He was followed by Eternity. Everyone gasped in awe as Eternity extended her arms and tiny rays of light reached out to touch the generals

A:         Generals, I am Amon. And this is Eternity, my mother and one of the powerful beings of Kepler 1765. I speak to you as a General myself who has the authority to sign trade negotiations on our planets behalf. I have twenty megatons of best quality iron ore as a gift of welcome to you stored in this ship. And a fleet of engineers ready to build space ships with you. If you promise not to use the technology against the other people on this planet.

 Amon accompanied the generals to the storage areas. They liked what they saw and promised Ozai their full support. Zuko was still angry, but he had to admit that his father surprised him. Ozai looked at him and smiled.

 O:        Zuko, remember for the future. No matter what you do think of your generals first. If they are happy, Fire Nation is happy.

We went for lunch. Word got around that Earth King Kuei had arrived. Both delegations ate separately.

After lunch we did tours of the ship. It was indispensible that both delegations were in awe of our technology.

Once we had finished the tour we went to the big meeting room.

Both delegations entered simultaneously. King Kuei had brought his bear. Ozai had to smile when he saw the bear and Kuei seemed irritated by it.

O:        Earth King Kuei, I have heard so much about you and your bear, it is an honor to finally meet you. So you are no myth but a real man - and the bear is a real bear!

K:         So are you. Not a demon or a monster, just a mere mortal man.

Once everyone was seated Bumi introduced both parties and participants. Earth Nation was represented by King Kuei, King Bumi and Toph Beifong and a delegation of Kueis Ministers of the Dai Li.

Aang, Amon and I were the third party impartials. I was supposed to lead the negociations.

M:        Thank you all for being here under these circumstances. Please be seated. I have negociated a few peace treaties and we will start with some ground rules. Before we start let me stress that everything said in this meeting shall remain confidential. Any breach of secrecy will be seen as an act of aggression. No bending. Choose your words carefully, concisely and with the utmost sincerity. Everything said is binding, any breech is breech of trust.

At first I would like to kindly ask the Avatar to open this meeting by telling this round what he told me about Avatar Rokus advice.

Aa:       I saw Avatar Roku in a vision when I was in the avatar state. He said that Ozai is the rightful Fire Lord.

M:        Ozai has an announcement to make on this.

O:        Yes. According to traditional thinking I would become Firelord again, or as I have risen from my own ashes as Phoenix king. Yet the times have changed. Mya here showed me that there are vast worlds outside our own and we as Fire Nation have decided to become an active part on this planetary map. We have decided to take up trade with a friendly system. Our interest in Earth Kingdom was an economic one which we wanted to exploit by war. This reason has now become futile.

So far our culture only allows succession in death which creates an atmosphere steering towards patricide which in turn creates totalitarism. It is time to change this. I am ready to step down as Fire Lord and invest my future in finding new trade partners and preparing FireNation to withstand any planetary threats. As my daughter will join me, I am ready to hand over my reign to my son Zuko.

Our proposal is a ceasefire. Fire Nation will retreat beyond Omashu river and Earth Nation will not retaliate. In case of retaliation Myas troops will intervene and enforce peace.

Zuko seemed distrustful. He didn’t believe in what he heard. Earth King Kuei weighed in.

EKK:    My spies have told me that parts of your troops are preparing to retreat and that a new big building site is being excavated in the heartland of your country... how can I be sure that you are true to your word and are not building new weapons to annihilate us? 

O:        I see that you are a wise and cunning man. Your spies did good work. We are in deed building something gigantic: a space dock for Myas ship.

EKK:    So you are building a space port...

O:        If you say so. I expect more visitors to come soon and Fire Nation wants to be prepared. We don‘t know yet how friendly they will be. Our focus is now the sky and foreign aggressors. If we ever have such an incident, we will need every ally that we get. Be assured that Fire Nation will always put the interests of this world first.

EKK:    Great words...but how true do they ring in my ears, Bosco?

The bear roared and lay down to sleep.

The talks went on for hours until Earth Kingdom finally gave in and agreed to work on a peace treaty. The following days and nights both delegations worked feverishly to get a draft of the peace treaty worked out. Ozai was leading the negociations on the Fire side. The Earth King had appointed his General of the Dai Li to deal with the details and had left to teach his bear new tricks.

I did not see much of Ozai in these days. His entourage kept him secluded and I was leading the negociations and had to be impartial. He didn’t even visit me at night and I missed him. A great emptiness filled my heart, a void expanding like a soap bubble. Had politics just laid all my love and hopes to rest? Finally on the fourth day the treaty was ready to sign, but the Earth King was nowhere to be found. It took another two days until he was brought forward by the Dai Li and able to sign the document.

Both parties, as well as the avatar and Mya received a copy. There were no peace celebrations, but just quiet goodbyes. Firelord Ozai, his son and his generals joined Mya in one of the larger transport pods to take them back to Fire Nation. There was no chance to be alone with Ozai. Not even at night. Mya sought Ozais presence but he was elusive or shielded off by his cabinet.

Mya was woken by Elua. “It’s morning, Firelady Mya!” Elua and a few maids dressed her in traditional Fire Nation clothing as it was the day of Zukos formal coronation and Ozais formal abdiction as Fire Lord.

Mya descended the steps to the main street and climbed into the palanquin. The four carriers held it up and started walking. Mya hated this way of transportation, she would have preferred walking or riding a bike even...

I arrived at the palace and was escorted to the terrace overlooking the square. On the other side Ozai approached guided and guarded by his cabinet and followed by Zuko. I hadn’t seen him for days now. He looked at me with an expressionless face. I was chilled to my bones.

The square was full of people, thousands chanting Ozais name. Gruesome but popular among his folk. I felt like running away but there was no way out. They pushed me forward, I was to walk by Ozais side, when he would announce our alliance and betrothal (betrayal?). We walked forward side by side and stopped at the edge of the terrace. He did not even look at me. When we stood up front he closed his eyes to concentrate and bid his gods for favours. I held his hand. He looked at me with a puzzled face.

O:        So are you talking to me again?

M:        I never stopped. I missed you so much, my love. Why did you push me away? I even wrote you notes, without getting any replies.

O:        I didn’t get them. They told me that you had other business to attend to and that you were upset with me and would leave me. That you outright refused to talk to me.

I tried to look calm while I pressed out:

M:        Who told you such nonsense. I have tried since days to get to you, I waited every day and night and they found a thousand ways to hide you.

O:        We are here together. But we are in danger. They must know we are talking.

M:        Shall I send in troops?

O:        No, wait up. Why would they jeopardize our relationship?

M:        They want you to remain Firelord.

 O:        So they’ll kill you.

M:        If they kill me Eternity will blow Fire Nation to bits.

O:        Then they’ll kill Zuko. I have a new wife, new progeny. How sick are these people.

M:        We need to warn Zuko.

O:        But what if Zuko is trying to get rid of me after my speech?

M:        We need a plan, fast. Let me use our SIMs to create a fall-back plan. They will not attack us while we are out in plain sight. We need to exchange with our SIMS in this hallway. Is there a way out from this hallway?

O:        No idea. Let’s have a look.

The crowd outside was getting nervous and the generals in the palace were also getting anxious. I summoned Eternity to have a pod ready to pick us up immediately after the speech and another one as fallback. Ozai found a tiny door in the wall. It had an iron lock. Ozai wanted to use firebending, but I took out a tiny laser gun and cracked it out of its socket. The stairs went down to the courtyard.

O:        This is near the entry of one if my secret passageways.

We went up again und we embraced and kissed.

Ozai stepped forward out of the passageway and he looked carefully at the crowd, the rooftops and the soldiers. He started his speech around the cornerstones of honor, great Fire Nation, greater legacy of the Phoenix king, space, ore, gold... Then about the Phoenix Kingdom of Fire and Sky (which was the Eternity). His people seemed all taken in by this speech. Then he mentioned handing over the Fire Throne to his son. The crowd went silent. He once again emphasized the greatness of Fire Nation and the beginning of a new era. A shadow was cast over the square and a fine vibration went through everyone. Eternity flew in and stood still in the sky above us. The crowd was in awe. I meditated and Eternity took hold of me. I felt her seeing through me. I approached Ozai and I spoke for her, assuring Fire Nation of our friendly intent. The people were fascinated and terrified at once.

Now Zuko approached and the Fire Sages crowned him officially as the Firelord. The crowd cheered.

Ozai smiled at his son and wished him all the best. I gave orders to the Eternity to start fireworks.

The terrace started to fill with Fire Nation noblemen. Everyone was staring up. It was clear that any assassination attempt would be imminent. The Fire sages and Zuko were surrounded by wellwishers. Ozai and I retreated to the hallway. Amon was targeting any suspicious movements in the crowd from the ship. Once we reached the hallway Eternity produced our SIMs which went out to socialize again.

Ozai and I took the tiny door in the passage and ended up in the stables of the Comodorhinos.

O:        I have private secret tunnels we can use. Our SIMs will give us a headstart.

M:        Not in our clothing. We reek of expensive oil and everything on you screams Firelord! Your hair, beard, smell, dress, even the way you talk.

O:        So what do you suggest?

M:        Take off your clothes.

O:        This is not the right moment...

M:        At least your undergarments look like normal clothing of the smallfolk.

O:        These are hundreds of years old ceremonial robes.

M:        Hide them if you must under these loose floorboards then.

Very soon we stood there in our cotton and linen undergarments. Our hair was unkempt and bound back and we looked like peasants. We rubbed ourselves with earth and hay and jumped around in the comodo rhino manure. Now we even smelled like peasants. There was a cart full of cabbages. We emptied the cart and took it with us as a prop. When we went out to the courtyard nobody noticed us. But there was a lot of commotion in the crowd. There had been an assasination attempt on Ozai and Mya and they had been evacuated by the pod. Archers had hit them with poisoned arrows.

Ozai was white with rage and I had to remind him to stay under cover. We left the palace courtyard and reached the outer wall where the entrance to Ozais secret tunnel was. The key was hidden behind a loose brick. Ozai opened the door and we entered a narrow stairwell down which led to a very narrow tunnel. We walked for about an hour when we came out on a hill outside the city. I summoned a pod which approached in stealth mode. A ladder appeared and we climbed aboard.