#Total wanton crackpost

[windsweptinred]

If I was Alison, I'd totally get Humphrey a roomba. Thus Humphrey's head gets to travel the house on his little dust bunny munching chariot. Surveying his estate like the little lordling he is. Spreading sass as he goes...

[windsweptinred]

(Your honour. I humble request @glacademia takes some level of responsibility for this idea working it's way into my brain! 🙏😆)

Arguments that if Dream and Hob did actually manage to produce some unholy love spawn. It would not be an ethereal beauty emitting golden sunlight....It would be Bernard Black.

1.From Dream he's stubborn, childish, unrepentant and cynical. Alas he's also inherited Hobs impulsiveness, defiance and ability to run his mouth off.

2.He spends his life between a pub and his book shop (Note, his own little castle with library) because that's literally how he was raised. Aka, jumping between Ma and Pas.

3.And most of his relationships are defined by him telling people to piss off and let him be miserable, yet simultaneously managing to inspire unending loyalty cause... Well baby see, baby do.

4.He's an absolute disaster of a man and has no idea how to function properly as a human being, either socially or physically. Because he probably doesn't have to. But he lives with them, so he tries... Kinda tries. Tries with no effort attached to said trying.

5.I mean just look at him! The man's a mummy's boy So Much!

6.Don't ask me why he's Irish though. Probably just decided to be for the sh*ts and giggles. He's practically alchoholic cause... That's what happens when you let Crowley babysit. 🤣 I will now die believing Aziraphale set him up with his own little bookshop.