#Tripping On a Two-Way Ticket Down a One-Way Street (Bonkers)

[muckduckgoose]

@bonkersdbobcat​ (source)

Honker watched the officer as the latter read over the mayor’s note. Despite the feline’s confident assessment of himself, he seemed to give off a rather ‘new guy’ aura to him. Not helping was the fact that Honker couldn’t seem to recall seeing this particular officer outside of the occasional appearance in W.A.N.D.A.’s city surveillance footage, none of which exactly showed him having a good time.

Of course, someone at least deemed him fit to be his official escort, and Honker usually gave most people he met the benefit of the doubt regardless, so he nodded along respectfully before responding. “Oh, most of it’s just analyzing the layout based on building schematics Mayor Owlson let me download to my tablet,” he reached around to pat his backpack, indicating where the tablet in question currently rested, “and calculating the most cost-effective renovation plans to convert the existing structures into living spaces for the homeless community.”

The homeless situation had, unfortunately, worsened since the catastrophe select few called ‘the Ramrod Incident’. Honker could’ve asked that Darkwing Duck have been allowed to be his escort for this, but the masked mallard had been a bit too busy as of late dealing with supervillain copycats that’d begun to spring up not long after the fictional Fearsome Four were flushed back to their home reality.

“I’m told City Hall is already looking into a building firm to take on the actual architectural work once I put together a concrete proof of concept.”

[arcanadotcom]

𝕄𝕒𝕚𝕟 𝟞 𝕒𝕤 𝔻𝕣𝕚𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕤

⊱ ────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────── ⊰

(Hi everyone! I came up with these when me and my sister went out for a quick little drive after feeling sick of staying home 😘✌🏻 my driving skills got rusty. smh!)

(This is my first time writing so i’m sorry if they’re all over the place!)

⊱ ────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────── ⊰

☆ Asra

owns an old used car from the 90’s that makes you feel nostalgic

it kinda reeks of weed sometimes...

has random shit laying around the back including a blanket because he totally takes naps in the car between his classes

he’s a pretty slow driver (goes 23mph slower than the rest of traffic)

but as soon as he sees a yellow light he FLOORS IT

this lil shit never uses his blinkers...smh!

giggles when people cuss him out. he don’t give a fuck!

will always give you the aux cord because he vibes with whatever. any tunes you like, he likes too 🥰

often misses freeway exits because he’s too busy chatting with you (“wha..? oh haha...anyways!”)

he easily gets distracted with anything really, so you have to remind him to keep his eyes on the road all the time (it’s cute at first...but after a while it’s just annoying)

always offers to pick you up but never asks for gas money (pretends to forget but he just doesn’t care because it’s you and he care you <3)

overall he’s a cautious driver, he just has very erratic speed patterns and takes really shitty turns

★ Julian

has had the same old black car for about 8 years (hates that it’s a stick shift, but he got over it already)

he’s actually quite a responsible driver. doesn’t break transit rules

never got his license though, but it doesn’t really matter (u gotta do what u gotta do)

he never arrives on time, always late (super apologetic about it)

loses parking tickets and misplaces his keys all. the damn. time. so you usually end up carrying them instead

makes a HUGE fuss over your safety. please wear your seatbelt or else he will go bonkers

but at the same time will not hesitate to be your designated getaway driver (if you need to gtfo of somewhere, he will get you the fuck out of there)

he actually has to use glasses because his vision sucks and can’t read road signs. he looks so cute

his car doesn’t have an aux cord outlet, so he has a bunch of cassettes of different kinds of music ( 70’s rock, jazz, some obscure russian band, etc ) lying around. he can’t drive without music!

has a bit of road rage; if he’s with you he’ll mutter curses under his breath trying to keep composure

but when alone he will absolutely yell at people, but his way of doing it is somewhat.....endearing?

will occasionally bump into things, but has never caused any serious damage

has never been pulled over and only gets tickets due to expired parking meters in downtown (somehow manages to talk his way out of them all the time)

he’s had enough experience around the city so he talks to you about places no one really knows about

he will literally take you a random phone booth that is actually the entrance to a secret undergroung café that looks like a place where academics would hang out and conspire new literary movements

☆ Nadia

doesn’t drive, she has a chauffeur

but if she did, she would own one of those beautiful, modern, pearly off-white cars.

it’s perfectly clean, well kept and smells great

no food or drinks allowed inside. periodt

you’d probably be afraid of ruining the seat when you first get in. she assures you everything is okay

totally drives around wearing a pair of gloves, headscarf, and gorgeous sunglasses to protect herself from the sun. also because she’s so classy <3

she excels at everything in driving

flawless breaking and parking, but thinks that going around looking for a spot is a waste of time so she’d rather just pay extra for valet parking

her only flaw is that she gets super impatient with how long it takes for a red light to turn green

and she almost never stops for pedestrians

would usually call you to see if you’d like to go shopping with her or just accompany her for some errands (pls go with her she adores having you around 🥺)

doesn’t have a problem with giving you rides, but she’s always busy with a tight schedule, so rides from her are very rare

probably feels bad about it so she’ll send you an uber black instead

★ Muriel

hates going out because it means he has to drive ://

he just wants to get from point A to point B without any issues really

you’ll notice that his car always has a layer of dirt on it since he never really uses it (he doesn’t bother to give it a little wipe before hoping in)

would probably own a normal, practical car that gets the job done and doesn’t need much maintenance. nothing too fancy

.......but i really want to see him with a jeep so i’ll make him own a jeep ☺️

highkey anxious and hyperaware of his surrounding drivers

he looks too tense and grips the wheel hard....tell him to relax pls

if someone tries to pass him, he will absolutely give them a Look through the rear mirror

not one to listen to music (will sometimes turn on the radio but slams it off eventually because it’s annoying)

used to be terribly afraid of highways

mumbles and grumbles about how dangerous and stupid it is to carelessly swerve lanes just to go fast and look cool

☆ Portia

drives all the time so she’s definitely the most experienced on the road

owns a cute convertible beetle that she takes care of and loves very much ❤️ (has so many cute ass bumper stickers)

will not hesitate to change the tires on her own if needed

music is always loud and top is down most of the time

she’s got anything you might need in her glove box (hand cream? tissues? sanitizer? pocket knife? she has it yes ma’am)

when she’s by herself, laws simply do not exist

lowkey a threat to society. get her off

she goes so fucking fast like she zooms💨 down the road (mainly because she’s always on a hurry)

basically breaks whatever law she wants but once she spots a cop, citizen of the year

ohh but if you and/or anyone else is with her, it’s a whole different story

she drives carefully and slows down, would hate to put your safety at risk (same as julian)

road trips with her are THE BEST. going on drives with her always feel like a scene from a coming of age film 💕✨🧚‍♀️

★ Lucio

not necessarily an irresponsible driver, he’s just reckless and obnoxious

owns a restored, fancy vintage car that’s either red or white (his license plate is personalized, bedazzled and borderline opulent). genuinely proud of it

revs the engine just to piss people off

is always willing and able to be there for you if you need him

when he’s there to pick you up, he will absolutely make a scene for you to notice him. simply giving you a call is out of the equation!

the backseats are full of white hair...you know he brings his adored babies everywhere he goes

blasts music at an ASTRONOMICAL VOLUME and he just sits there like 🤪✌🏻🎶🕺🏼

but believe it or not, his music taste is actually really good....it slaps. so it’s okay

likes to drive fast (“oh you want to see some speed? i’ll show you some real speed”)

cannot stand traffic and slow drivers make him go batshit crazy

honks at everyone for everything but gets offended if they honk back >:(

you’ll still see him at the red light despite him doing 84 lane changes

tells you he LOVES the attention he gets because of the car, but then feels super self conscious if people stare too much or too long......although he will never admit it

this guy loves to gossip with you and likes to make fun of random pedestrians... you gotta admit he makes you snicker quite a bit. who am i kidding he’s funny as fuck of course you’re gonna laugh

doesn’t slow down for speed bumps, will blow quick kisses at the little fake cameras on top of the traffic lights, and has definitely scratched the lower sides of his car on curves more than once (*frantic wheel stirring* “not my fault not my fault!!”)

this man’s biggest struggle is parking. he cannot park for shit (secretly embarrassed about it)

it takes FOREVER for him to parallel park. might as well snooze while he’s at it

genuinely tries his best, going as far as to do the “arm behind the seat to look back” move (he wants to impress you dammit!!), but gets frustrated and gives up

so most of the time he ends up taking two spots despite trying so hard not to

gets tickets all the time (“now they’re ganging up against me! and for what?? what the fuck did i do!!”)

cannot comprehend street signs (“lucio you will get a $650 fine” “darling wdym?? it costs $650 to park here”)

going on a drive with him can be stressful and a bit crazy, but it’s always entertaining and you get the best stories to tell

[simontalbot]

Tokyo & Seoul Trip - Day 3 (22 February ‘20)

I woke up this morning still reeling a bit from the teamLab Borderless experience. If I thought I had had enough sound and light to last a lifetime, then this afternoon was only going to fry my brain even more. More on that later.

After having a bit of breakfast in our room, we headed over to Shinjuku to visit the Hanazono-jinja Shrine. It might make me sound a bit philistine, but my attitude to shrines, temples and other places of worship is that seeing one or two is quite enough thanks. I wouldn’t recommend to visitors to Britain to go to every church in an entire city, though I would possibly recommend one or two at a push. As we had been to Tokyo before and visited the more famous shrines (which were impressive), we thought we would drop by this one as it was on our way to our afternoon activity. In amongst the hustle and bustle of Shinjuku, the shrine was like an oasis of calm. It was very quiet both in terms of the number of people there and the noise. We strolled around its quite compact grounds and gardens and headed to the little shop to buy an ‘O-mikuji‘ which is a slip of paper which tells your fortune. Mine read:

‘Your motivation to succeed will be rapidly enhanced. Say to yourself, “I want to be more competent, intelligent and successful.” Advance in accordance with your profound motivation. Set ambitious goals and you will achieve them immediately’.

Interesting. After tying it to a tree (for good luck) we headed for lunch. We weren’t massively hungry so we opted to share a Katsu curry with some Chinese Dumplings and a Miso Soup. It was pretty damn good and more than enough for the both of us. We washed it down with a cocktail each, which also acted as dutch courage in preparation for the afternoon activity which was a visit to the ‘Robot Restaurant’ for its (in)famous show. While it says its restaurant and food is available, actually it is an entertainment show which is utterly wacky and bonkers. I mean, who has heard the words wacky and bonkers since the days of Timmy Mallet, but seriously these adjectives are incredibly appropriate. It is one of the top rated attractions and it showcases the more unusual aspects of Japanese culture. I’m sure you’ve seen the weird Japanese TV game shows like Takeshi’s castle, well this is that on steroids.

If Walt Disney had moved to Tokyo and taken loads of psychoactive drugs, this is what his Disney parade would have looked like. I can’t begin to describe it without sounding like a nutjob, but basically shove 200 tourists in a room facing into a central area. Send out Taiko drummers on wheels, then dancers in neon/costumes armed with lasers, then add 7ft robots, dragons and other characters on parade floats, then create some bizarre story line about Robots vs Humans vs Divine Beings all played out in a room with flashing lights and pumping music. Then pause for a break. Then send out parade floats and dancers decked out with flags from all over the world, add in a dash of the ‘It’s a small world after all’ happy vibes and then say its all over.

It. Was. Intense.

When Kirstie and I left the venue and returned to the street, we looked at each other and wondered what the hell we had just experienced for the last 2 hours. Whatever it was we LOVED it and would recommend it to anyone.

We headed back to Harajuku to have a mooch around and for Kirstie to visit her beloved Daiso shop. It was early evening and so the place was much busier and lively than yesterday. We had a cheeky dessert each. Kirstie had a crepe and I had an ice that looked like a cute pig.

After a browse of the stalls and the shops we headed back to the hotel for an early-ish night. We are up in the morning to head to Mount Fuji - we are committed now as we have bought the train tickets!

Hanazono-jinja shrine, nestled in amongst the commercial buildings of Shinjuku. Very serene.

A Torii tunnel leading to another shrine.

Chicken Katsu, Miso, Dumplings. LOVELY STUFF.

Washing our Katsu down with a smirnoff cocktail. 乾杯 (Cheers!).

Me sat in a Robot’s lap. On our way in.

Taiko drummers way up high.

LOOK AT THIS CARNAGE.

Drummer girl having a great time...

Kirstie and I post blown minds on our way out.

A piggy about to eat a pig. Kawaiiiiii.

[vileart]

The Recovery Dramaturgy: Ilona Munro @ Edfringe 2017

Bright Productions 

The Recovery Version

Hogmanay in the Highlands.  Three generations of men.  Traditions, banter, song.  The whisky should probably stay in the cupboard. 

Out of Glencoe comes a lovingly, dysfunctional, all-male tale of lost dreams, long held hurts and father-son ties, told with a very Scottish voice and new songs.  The kind of songs sung at a New Year’s party.

The Recovery Version by Bright Productions

Venue:  Sweet Grassmarket (2)                       Tickets: £8 (£6)

Dates:   4th-20th August                                  Box Office:  0131 243 3596

Time: 13:40 (ends 15:00)                                  Venue website: www.sweetvenues.com

What was the inspiration for this performance?

I became a single parent when my kids were only age one and five.  I stayed single and worked full time for several years and during that time I fretted about my son having no good male role models.  Although we maintained what we could with his father, it was unfortunate that his grampa wasn't around ( though he has an amazing granny)  I needn't have worried, lots of male friends, family and teachers were in his life, as well as good women.   Alongside this is an ongoing joy of living in a Highland community (after time in London and Russia) and of the characters that make living here so good.  I was also often wondering about men, and where they were at in the Highlands.  Alcohol and lack of decent jobs with decent pay can take it's toll, but creativity, kindness and an incredible thing - split up families that still talk exist too - hec sometimes they even go their ex partners weddings! 

Is performance still a good space for the public discussion of ideas? 

Absolutely!  Although Lochaber is 2000 sq miles, it doesn't have a dedicated arts centre or cinema, so performance has to be in village halls, schools and found spaces.  With the demise of promoters budgets and small scale touring it can be hard to access professional performance without going 200 miles round trip, but when professional companies come here, they are greatly appreciated.  Community, youth and school theatre are well attended.  We also find that it is a myth that young people need everything crash bang wallop now ( she says as her son who is now 14 plays his Xbox)  We have been part of many educational theatre projects and they can really reach out, where other projects can't.  EG our last tour of "Stigma" and "HomeBrew" resulted in self referrals to help ( we always work in partnerships)  Interestingly enough, it was a Lochaber Common Weel who hosted "Faslane".  This is a social-political group, not a promoter or venue, and they had new audience engaging because of Scottish issues in the content.

How did you become interested in making performance?

Cliche alert!  I loved theatre and ballet from totdom.  Went to wee Co-op drama clubs in manky crumbling halls in Perth.  For some reason I studied Russian at uni -but this then took me to Siberia where I saw children's drama in summer camps.  And the Kirov for £4.  I studied Drama for a year in London and the college were so supportive that they gave me £150 quid and said "go do Edinburgh" So I wrote a play in 1994 and did.  I carried on doing this.  As I neared my thirties I became Eden Court's Drama Worker in Lochaber - and that taught me so very much.  Then came writing commissions, and three years ago I set up Bright Productions ( alongside a not for profit group called Dramafish to support arts in Lochaber) and continued teaching, writing, directing, stapling, packing cars, pitching, scrabbling for cash....  We got into Luminate Festival and started working in Abbeyfield Care Home too.

Is there any particular approach to the making of the show?

Not a particular approach as such, but we are very keen on Generations Working Together projects.  Population is so tiny in the Highlands that it often makes sense to include all ages.  The Recovery Version has a young lad in it, so we have cast three teenagers, two girls and a boy ( my son!) alongside the professional adults.  We also have young men helping build the set with Graeme Martin, our set designer, and a few more interested in theatre process, street performance/marketing.  We will make opportunities for these young people to come to Edinburgh and experience the sheer wonderful, lively, bonkers thing that is the fringe.

We have also had development days and meals together to make sure that in advance of rehearsals ( which don't start til Monday 17th July - eek!) that we all start to feel a team bond.  Parents are included and are brilliantly supportive.  As I said, community is great here, as is Kinlochleven High School.  Add to this our two musicians from Ballachulish working on our sound and songs.  Working with Chaz Stewart (ex Guitarist with the Donnie Munro Band, and our Photographer) and Paul Hornby Battrick, is often a crucial part of our development.

Does the show fit with your usual productions?

I am not sure that we have a "usual" production.  Our performances often depend on who commissions us, or who wants to work in partnership with us.  That said, I guess there is always a rather Scottish heart to it all and since I have been living in Kinlochleven for nearly twenty years now, a specifically Highland one.  

It doesn't preclude us looking around the globe for inspiration - one of our favourite shows is about the Russian Revolution, and we are very interested in learning more puppetry.  We are also working on shows for cafes along the west coast railway line and on a loch boat.  I suppose we are quite Highland in outlook..."acht will see what happens, mibbes aye and mibbes naw!"  It's really about relationships and partnerships for us.  But The Recovery Version is just because we wanted to - and because I haven't taken a show to Edinburgh for 17 years.  Oh and humour, we love a good laugh.  Even in the serious issues.

What do you hope that the audience will experience?

Firstly, we simply hope folk enjoy it!  Above that, we hope that the audience will connect with the characters, and that they will recognise that build to Hogmanay, and the slide down the others side into the new year.  It would make our wee hearts sing if folk laughed and tapped their toes to the Hogmanay party.  I think we also feel that there is something to be said for men, about men, while a huge focus is currently on women.  Lastly, we would like the audience to come away going  "ocht that's great that theatre can come out a wee village near Glencoe"

What strategies did you consider towards shaping this audience experience?

We did toy with having it interactive - ie the audience drank with us, ate cheesy pineapples on a stick with us, sang with us. They can sing, and we may have nibbles out, but in the end we felt it was about taking folks into that period after Christmas before the New Year, and we thought for this show that allowing the audience to sit back and enjoy and to choose whether they tap toes was best. It's the Highland way "acht whatever!" 

But we will be having mini Hogmanay parties on the Mile, and around Edinburgh, so folks can get wee treats and learn Gaelic singing (Hogmanay style) and be as interactive as they like. We will also be performing previews in Ballachulish Village Hall and The Ben Nevis Distillery, where we will have post show discussions, and this will inform any changes needed to improve things.

Jonny had a minor hit once, but no one would know.  Especially since those five homogenised wee bams have covered his song and made it a major Christmas hit.   John is Jonny’s son.  John blames his Dad a lot for his failing life.   And then there is Jack.  John’s wee lad who is suddenly coming to stay for New Year.  John hasn’t seen Jack for some time.  Just as well Fisher is around to keep spirits bright.  But then strong spirits were always the problem.

Although this is Bright Production’s first time at the fringe, writer/director Ilona Munro is well known in Lochaber for her highly varied theatre projects and thoughtful mental health TIE work across Highland.  Working with local professionals and up and coming young theatre makers, Bright has a great reputation in Lochaber for making people laugh and engaging the community in “generations working together” workshops and plays.

17 Hogmanays have passed since Ilona last took a show to the fringe. 

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