#USUAL. TYPICSL.

[moookar]

Just finished s3 of W359. Wrote an entire bullet point list on why I love Change of Mind so much

[keir-00-blog]

Her

I always liked doing things on my own, especially walks and hikes. I did a lot of those activities when I returned to high school. I started school later than everybody else because my first and second period was a home period (basically no school). Before and after school I would walk around my neighborhood and pictured myself back then. A couple of times I would see a girl walking around a park. I seen her before. She was in my period 3 and I sat behind her. Let us call her Sar. Sar saw me a couple of times and smiled occasionally. Sar knew of my past, a lot of people did in my high school. Words spread like wildfire. I hated this, but this is another topic. A few months into class, Sar gave me a letter saying she always liked me since middle school and gave me her social media and phone number. I texted her saying why she always walked around the park when there is school. Sar told me she sometimes ditches school for the heck of it. Sar was skinny. Skinnier than the typicsl teenager. She was Asian. She had dark eyes. She had cute vampire like teeth. Two cute moles on her neck, which I told her that it looked like a snake bite. Dark brownish hair, I think she dyed it. Her eyes were different. It always seemed like she was never in the present and is daydreaming. She drew good though. She drew anything varying from cats with fur and dicks with veins, which made me want to be her friend. Hold up, I wanted to be her friend because I think she felt comfortable with me and my past, not the pictures of veiny cumming penises. I am straight. As time passed, we got closer, but never to the point where I trusted her because I know humans are humans. I know she would never hurt me, so I was worry free. I took Sar to stargaze a lot during winter break. Not a good idea because it is freezing in the deserts. I liked the cold, but I know she hated it yet she still came. She was my second time. It did not feel as good as my first time (7th grade), but I loved it when she held me after. She would kiss my forehead before she slept too. One night she told me if it was okay to talk about my past to her. At the moment I was hesitant, but I did it anyways. I still do not regret it now. I told her a lot, but she was okay with it. She asked me how and why I was so manifestated with anger, hate, and evil. I did not know how to reply and said I guess I was stupid. She also asked me how I changed. I told her it is because some people shared their love with me. Which made me thought that they also believed in me, so I changed in order to preserve that goodness. She told me she still sees a little bit of hate and evil behind my eyes. Later that night she told me her story. She told me she had a rare blood disease that made her skinny and pale. She told me sometimes she has to go to the hospital to get medicine to prolong her life. She told me that if she were to be gone, I would have to promise her that I would never kill a person again. She told me I could accomplish great things. She told me I was smarter than a lot of our peers for scoring high on the standardized tests with very little educational background. She told me I was good enough for her. She wanted me to continue my dream for world peace. A world with no war or hate. She told me she loved me. This was the first time I felt a heavy heart. It was my first time crying. A few weeks after our birthday she passed. Her birthday was three days after mine. It was my second time celebrating my birthday and it was with her. My first was with the two who took me in. I went to the hospital to see her. I had trouble getting a visitor pass because of my past, but Sar's elder sister helped me get in. I brought flowers. Her favorite was tulips. Ironic. White flowers. Asians usually depict the color white to be death from what I hear. I saw her. Her parents, elder sister and younger brother cried. I lost her. I see why my friend beheaded another person. Losing someone you cared about was .... yeah that. I loved her. She was my panda bear and I was her grizzly bear. A few weeks later her sister invited me to her funeral. I went. I brought tulips again. Her sister gave me Sar's diary and a letter from her. After the funeral, they invited me to dinner. I left early and paid for their meals becausr I knew if I stayed then they would not allow me to pay. I read her diary. She wrote in it once a day. I read her letter too. One of the last things she wrote was "you promise?" That destroyed me. I skipped school for a few weeks to stay in bed. I promised. I loved her. I wish we could have done more. Travel like we dreamt to. Try stupid costumes like we talked about. Having picnics we always delayed. I would have given up my past for her. I wish I paid attention to people around me. I wish I knew her in middle school. I wish we met then. I wish I would have had more times to love her. I loved my panda bear. And I promised.