#V unir gnxra nyy fvqrf ba gur vffhr naq gurersber unir gur vffhr fheebhaqrq

[tilde-he]

There are some propositions which I don’t truly hold as “beliefs” or “opinions”, but which I do e.g. repeatedly work on composing arguments in favor of them, and, not exactly in a “devil’s advocate” kind of way either. Not just a testing of my ability to argue, or checking for reasons that I could be wrong about things. Rather, it is like, I imagine a fictional version of myself who does believe these things or hold these beliefs/opinions, which are often kind of nonsense or absurd beliefs/opinions , but which are like, narratively compelling to me.

I don’t know what to call these things. They are recurring, and they are *mine* in a way like my opinions and beliefs are mine, but I don’t really endorse them as one generally endorses one’s opinions and beliefs.

Usually I end up thinking these things when I am upset about society / about my opinions being bad. 

The arguments I compose for these kinds of propositions include things like “Because reality-as-a-whole is not a moral patient, and as such is not a valid recipient of mercy, if reality-as-a-whole is unworthy of existence, then, unlike people, [...]”

Maybe this could all be traced back to when in high-school I dreamt that I accidentally brought about a logical contradiction (and therefore broke everything).

(I know that in highschool, one day I was thinking about what the simplest universe worthy of existence would be. At the time I did not think to put aside the assumption that such a world would be three dimensional, but my thought was that the minimal requirement was that there be sapient persons who have preferences which they cannot individually entirely satisfy for themselves, and which they satisfy for each-other, while communicating with each-other, and so I imagined an infinite lattice of touching spherical agents equipped with a sense of self, touch. and proprioception, and the ability to stretch/shrink a little along any chosen axis, while keeping essentially the same volume (which would serve as both the means of communication and of satisfying preferences of others). Though I also considered whether a universe with a single sphere of iron, and no agents, would be better than nothing.)

In undergrad, one day on the bus on the way to campus, I saw a building (which I later learned to be a hair salon), while had a sign that said “Come beautiful, leave sexy”, and my mental response was the sentence “I am going to destroy the universe.” (possibly with “ am going to” replaced with “ will” or “‘m going to” or something like that. I don’t remember the exact phrasing I thought.)