#Vanessa and Elizabeth’s stories make me sob

[chloesimaginationthings]

The tragedy of being William Afton’s daughter in FNAF..

[allforyoumylovely]

Hi Emma, do you read books? Do you have any recommendations? What are your favorite books or just books that made you feel?

Hii 💗 sorry for taking ages to reply! Yes, I read a lot of books, it’s one of my favourite pastimes. I’m a big writing-over-plot person and I’ll basically read anything if it has good writing (except fantasy tho i just can't do it).

So, some of my favourites:

A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara – has every trigger warning under the sun and is heartbreak in book form, but the writing is devastatingly stunning, and the broken characters really get under your skin. Sobbed myself to sleep after finishing it.

Anything by Sally Rooney – I feel like she just gets life to the core and fully understands the complexities of being a human being. I recently read and really enjoyed Conversations with Friends, and I love her wit and her poignant writing style. And I’d highly recommend the tv adaptation of Normal People.

Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey Mcquiston – just a really easy, fluffy read. It basically felt like a very well-written fic and it gave me all the butterflies 💕

When Death Takes Something from You Give It Back: Carl's Book by Naja Marie Aidt – the book I did my thesis on last year. In 2015 the Danish/Greenlandic author loses her 25-year-old son Carl in a tragic accident and with him her ability to write. She ploughs through all the bereavement literature she can find, letting it speak for her when she can’t. Her writing is fragmented, furious, and painful, just like her grief. But also very beautiful and poetic. A few tears might have slipped into my keyboard while typing in quotes.

I’m currently about halfway through The Secret History by Donna Tartt and there’s just something about her books - the lingering on details, her characters, the brilliant execution – that leaves me in awe. So far, I think this one might be my favourite. It has murder, dark academia vibes, elitist outsiders who form a Greek cult – what more could you want?

And now that we’re at it, I’ll let you know a few of the books on my tbr list as well <3

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell - I literally just got this today and only really know it by title, but it’s supposedly dark and has good writing, so I’m in.

The All for the Game series by Nora Sakavic – read the first book this summer but was put off by the overflow of characters, the very action-driven writing, and how every sentence has the same subject + predicator beginning. I had to drag myself through it, basically. But I’ve been told the story picks up in the next books, and all the fanart makes me really curious about it, so I'll have to pull myself together and put my writing snobbery aside for just a little while lolol 🙃

Thank you for your ask, anon! Hope your day is lovely 🧡✨

[piratekane]

missing scene: june 1 (vanessa/charity)

Picking up where Vanessa and Charity left off, with Vanessa heading into work (and Charity definitely babysitting Johnny)...

“Nothing else matters,” she says, looking across the table. The words feel sticky in her mouth, the lie lukewarm against the back of her teeth. Everything has tasted like tar since DI Simmons told her the truth. Her son - Ryan - is alive. She takes another sip of her brew and swallows, wincing. The tea has cooled and gone bitter.

Vanessa pauses, half in and half out of her jacket. “Are you sure you don’t mind-”

“‘Ness,” she says wearily. She rubs at her forehead. “I said I don’t mind, yeah? Anyway, Johnny’s down now and I was just going to catch up on some light reading.”

Vanessa snorts. She picks up the book Charity brought over with her, tucked under her arm as she nervously slipped through the door, hoping no one would be watching. She’d told Debs and Noah she was going to work and they’d take the mickey if they knew she was sneaking into Tug Ghyll instead.

Skiving work for a fumble, Debs would say, rolling her eyes.

“I wouldn’t call Pride & Prejudice ‘light reading’,” Vanessa says.

Charity blinks, frowning slightly. “Think it’s above my levels?”

“Above mine, more like,” Vanessa says. She frowns and reads the back cover. “Never liked Jane Austen much.”

Charity softens. She knows she’s looking for a fight; looking for something to spark through her and make her feel like herself again. But she also knows that Vanessa isn’t the person to pick on. Maybe if Vanessa meant less; maybe if they were just a ‘bit of fun’ instead of ‘girlfriends’; maybe if there wasn’t an undercurrent of something like love rippling through Charity every time Vanessa smiled at her.

But she doesn’t and they aren’t and there is.

So Charity takes a deep breath instead and stands up, crossing the space between them and sliding her hands under Vanessa’s jacket. “I don’t mind,” she says carefully, meeting Vanessa’s eyes so she understands. She glances away as she speaks again. “Don’t know why you trust me with ‘im, though. I’m not-”

“Stop it,” Vanessa says sharply.

Charity’s heart skips hard in her chest. There’s something about an assertive Vanessa that makes Charity’s knees weaken enough so they’re at the same height.

“You’re a good mum,” Vanessa says. Charity looks away and Vanessa clicks her tongue, her hand at Charity’s chin. “You are,” she says, softer. “And I trust ya. More importantly, Johnny does. It’s not often he doesn’t want me to read him a story before naptime, but you’ve outranked me, yeah? He thinks you’ve hung the moon just for him.”

Charity scoffs. “I’m new. Just because he wanted me to put him down this time doesn’t mean he likes me. He’ll get bored of me.”

Vanessa shakes her head. “You are anything but boring, Charity Dingle.”

Charity leans in, resting her forehead against Vanessa’s. “Are you sure you have to go in?”

She’d much rather stay here, with Vanessa, trapped inside Tug Ghyll where reality has to come to them, and they can decide if they open or the door or not. With Vanessa around, the weight on her shoulders gets a little easier to carry. And when she’s gone, the rooms are just a little dimmer.

That’s love, a voice in her head says.

She tampers the voice down for now.

“I have to now, I’m sorry,” Vanessa says, her shoulders sagging.

Charity sighs and pushes out her bottom lip. “Well, you better get on so you can get back, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Vanessa echoes, leaning in for a kiss. Charity’s grip tightens on Vanessa’s hips, holding her close for a moment before she lets her go. “I’ll be back before you know it,” she promises.

“I won’t wither away,” Charity grumbles.

“Like your Elizabeth Bennet?”

Charity frowns. “Have you even read Pride & Prejudice?”

Vanessa shrugs a shoulder. “I saw the movie. Colin Firth is fit.”

Charity wrinkles her nose. “And you didn’t know you liked men, yeah?”

Vanessa makes a face her, rolling her eyes. “Oi, he’s a fox.”

Charity lifts an eyebrow slowly. “Sure he is, babe.”

Vanessa pinches her side gently. “You’re lucky I like you.”

“As blessed as the Queen, I am.” Charity kisses Vanessa one more time, and pulls away reluctantly.

The house is quiet as the door shuts behind Vanessa. She stands in the middle of the living room, soaking it in. At the Woolpack, there’s never a moment of peace. There’s punters in the pub and a hundred people in the living room. They leave her well enough alone; been giving her extra space, since the news about Bails broke. But it’s not like this: absolute stillness, absolute quiet.

Quiet is different than silence, Moira had said. Charity never had the words to put to that feeling before. Living in that apartment Bails paid for, the hospital room after she delivered her baby - Ryan - and he didn’t cry - that was silence. But Tug Ghyll is quiet. Charity likes it here; she did even when she lived with Cain and Debbie, too. But something about it being Vanessa’s now, about her being in Vanessa’s space, makes the quiet easier to manage; easier to sink into and wrap around herself and still feel safe.

Safe, she thinks. What all these children deserve to be.

She’s on the stairs before she knows she’s moving, down the small hallway to the door of Johnny’s room. She hesitates there, leaning against the doorframe.

Johnny is exactly where she left him, snuggled up under the Paw Patrol duvet Vanessa got him a few weeks ago, when he moved from a cot to a bed with rails. He sleeps like Vanessa sleeps, curled up one side with enough fluff under his head that she almost doesn’t see his face. He’s got an overstuffed pillow and his Johnny stuffed toy and he looks so content that Charity wishes he would never get older than this moment right here.

She used to think her son - Ryan - would never get older than the moment he was born.

She watches the rise and fall of his chest and wonders what it might have been like to do this in a different room, in a different town, with a different boy. He had a small tuft of hair, just like Johnny’s mohawk. He had been so little, too; so small that she was sure he would break if she had touched him.

She would gotten him a big duvet like Johnny’s, and all the stuffed toys he wanted. She would have scraped together the money and given up wine gums and she would have boughten him pillows so he felt like he was sleeping on clouds.

She watches Johnny breathe: up and down and up and down and she wonders what it would have been like to watch her son - Ryan - breathe, sleep, dream.

She would have been a good mum.

She would have tried.

*

Vanessa slips through the front door, an apology on her lips. She frowns as she takes in the empty living room, Charity’s mug still on the kitchen table. A ripple of fear runs through her, but Charity isn’t Adam; there’s no reason she would take Johnny and run. He must have fussed, Vanessa thinks. Or he’s awake and Charity is scooping him up. It’s been about an hour since she left for work after her lunch and his naps are getting shorter these days.

She’ll just grab the file she left on the table and be off.

But when she waits a minute, to maybe sneak in one quick kiss before she hurries back to the surgery, she doesn’t hear Charity moving around upstairs. She doesn’t hear Johnny babbling or the sound of footsteps coming. She frowns and moves to the stairs, peering up to the empty landing.

She climbs them slowly, listening closely for something - anything.

Vanessa gets to the top of the stairs and pauses again, eyes narrowing as she takes in the figure at the end of the hall, just inside Johnny’s room. Charity comes into focus as she gets closer and Vanessa’s frown deepens.

“Charity, what’re you-” She stops herself, clapping a hand down over her mouth.

Charity is asleep, sitting on the floor in Johnny’s room with her back against the frame. Her mascara is dried on her cheeks and she’s clutching the Marshall stuffed toy that Johnny demanded but never prefers.

She came up here, Vanessa thinks. She came up here to… She...

Vanessa sobs once, the noise echoing in the quiet room. She backs up out of door and into the hallway, her body heaving as she cries. She covers her mouth with her hand, biting down on her fingers to stifle the cry building in her chest and bubbling up through her mouth. Her cheeks are wet and hot as she slides down to her knees, one hand on the wall.

She came up here to watch him sleep, Vanessa thinks. She fell asleep watching over him.

Her lungs ache and her chest burns and her stomach is in knots, but she can’t stop looking at Charity’s profile; at the dip of her head and her chin against her chest; at the grip she has on Marshall. She can’t stop looking at the woman she loves watching over the only thing she’s done right in this world and she cries.

She cries for the years Charity lost to Bails. She cries for the years Charity lost with Ryan, and with Debs, and Noah, and Moses. She cries for the people who took and took and took from Charity, giving her nothing back in return. She cries for all the times Charity didn’t; all the times she couldn’t.

Vanessa hears Charity hum sleepily and she hurries to her feet, wiping at her face as she creeps down the stairs and back into the living room. She collapses onto the couch, her body folding in half as she tries to catch her breath. It comes back to her slowly and she sits up, swallowing down a fresh wave of tears.

Be strong, she scolds herself. Be strong for her.

Not that Charity needs strength; she has it in spades.

Vanessa takes a deep breath, wiping her hand across her face once more for any remaining tears, and grabs the door handle. She opens and closes the door, slamming it loud.

“Hiya!” she shouts.

She hears something thump upstairs and the sound of heavy footfalls on the stairs. She buises herself with shuffling through the file she’s come back for as Charity hurries into the living room.

“Is it tea time already?” Charity asks, her voice hoarse. She clears her throat quietly.

Vanessa turns, a bright smile on her face. “Not quite. I forgot something,” she says. She holds up the file. “Got it.”

Charity looks past her, distracted. “Okay,” she says absently. She runs a hand through her hair and shakes her head, clearing the sleep in her eyes. “Uh, Johnny’s fine.”

“I didn’t worry he wouldn’t be,” Vanessa says.

“Right,” Charity says.

Vanessa aches to go over to her, to wipe the mascara off her cheeks and hold her. Instead, she gives her a wider smile. “Alright?”

“Yeah, babe,” Charity breathes. She smiles back and Vanessa almost believes it to be real. She takes a deep breath and tries again, her smile a little more believable. “Come ‘ere.”

Vanessa meets Charity halfway, kissing her hard. Charity moans softly, tensing for a moment before kissing her back.

“What was that for?” Charity asks, her smile pressed against Vanessa’s.

For everything, Vanessa thinks.

“No reason. Missed you,” Vanessa says.

Charity husks a laugh that Vanessa feels warm the pit of her stomach, pushing away the knots. “You’ve been gone an hour, babe.”

“I can miss you,” Vanessa says defensively.

Charity leans forward, her head resting against Vanessa’s shoulder. Her hands slide to the small of Vanessa’s back, her fingers kneading into the tension there. “‘Course you can. Just… people don’t usually.”

“I’m not most people,” Vanessa whispers.

“No, you’re not,” Charity mouths against her neck.

Vanessa strokes her hands through Charity’s hair, letting her eyes close as she breathes in Charity’s shampoo. She winds the long strands of Charity’s hair around her fingers and tugs gently, humming Charity’s name.

“We might take that walk,” Charity murmurs back.

Vanessa smiles against Charity’s temple. “Johnny loves the ducks.”

“Wonder where he gets that from.” Charity lifts her head. “A little you, isn’t he?”

Vanessa smiles proudly. “Poor him,” she teases.

Charity thumbs Vanessa’s hip, one corner of her mouth turned up as she looks down where her hand rests over Vanessa’s trousers. “I reckon he’s lucky, yeah? You’re alright, you know.”

“Just alright?” Vanessa asks, fighting a smile.

Charity shrugs a shoulder. “I won’t be taking out an advert, mind you.”

Vanessa laughs. “What would it say? Vanessa Woodfield. She’s alright.”

Charity smiles properly now, wide and bright. “Get you a proper nametag and everything.”

Vanessa rolls her eyes. “What a romantic.”

“That’s something I’ve never been accused of before.” Charity leans in, nipping at Vanessa’s lower lip. “And I’ve been accused of quite a bit in my day.”

“Like amazing,” Vanessa breathes.

“That was a first,” Charity admits.

“Won’t be the last,” Vanessa promises.

Charity looks down at her hand again, curling it over the waistband of Vanessa’s pants. “What are you like?”

Vanessa shrugs a shoulder and kisses Charity again before she unwinds from Charity’s hold, smiling regretfully. “I’ve got to get back before Paddy thinks I’m skiving off to have a snog.”

Charity arches an eyebrow slowly, reaching out to wind a hand through Vanessa’s hair. “Well, if he already thinks it…”

Vanessa dances away from Charity’s hand, holding the file between them like a shield. “Don’t you dare.”

Charity follows after her, eyes dark and her smile wicked. “Just a quick one, yeah?”

“Charity,” Vanessa warns. She backs up towards the door, feeling behind her for the knob. She laughs loudly as Charity pins her to the wall, kissing her neck, nipping at the spot she knows drives Vanessa crazy. “Charity,” Vanessa says, the name stretching.

“To give you something to think about,” Charity rasps. Her teeth scrape over Vanessa’s neck and up behind her ear.

“I think about you all the time,” Vanessa admits, tipping her head back.

Charity’s mouth finds hers, two fingers pulling Vanessa’s chin down. “”Ditto, kid.” She kisses Vanessa again. “Ditto.”

[diaryofanobsessivefangirl]

Masterlist of Ships Subtropes

Dynamic tropes

Puppy love

Romance between children.

Examples: Gendry x Arya, Arnold x Helga, Mike x Eleven, Shaoran x Sakura

Childhood Acquaintance

They meet when they were children, regardless of the frequency or how close they were. They may have been raised together, may have saw each other every now and then, or even just once.

Used to be Friends

Examples: Petyr x Catelyn; Erik x Christine; Mina x Lucy

Used to be Lovers

Couples that were officially together (At least had sex) before everything went to hell. Ships that only flirted, such as Anna/David (The Guest) and Jackson/Lisa (Red Eye) are not included.

Examples: Athos x Milady; Tom x Elizabeth (The Blacklist); Dolores x William

Love Makes You Evil

A character who was originally good but did things for love that turn him to the dark side.

Examples: Anakin, Petyr Baelish and Claude Frollo

Love Makes You Crazy

A character driven to the brick of sanity because of love.

Example: Claude Frollo from Notre Dame de Paris and Ram from Princess Daisy

Not So Different After All

Opposites/rivals/enemies that actually have many hidden similarities. They are canonically each other’s shadow and are compared as two sides of the same coin.

Example: Anne x Vincent, Steerpike x Fuchsia, Kylo x Rey, Jackson x Lisa

Love Beyond Death

Meeting in the after-life, meeting reincarnation or person coming back from the dead.

Example: Catherine x Heathcliff, Petyr x Catelyn, Dracula x Mina, Naraku x Kikyo

Dragging You to the Gutter with Me

A villain turns a heroine into a brutal lonely broken thing only he can understand what it’s like to be, and still she won’t come to him. So what keeps them together is also what keeps them apart. Read more.

Example: Naraku and Kikyo; Alina and Darkling; Petyr and Catelyn; Dolores and William

In Love with the Mark

A man who works for some really big, bad guys. He may or not believe in their ideology; that is not the point. He is there for the money and he prides himself of his professionalism. For some reason, this organization working on the shadows have “business” to deal with this ordinary everyday woman. So he is hired to stalk, threaten, or even kill her. Turns out, Stalking is Love, and he develops feelings for his target. That doesn’t stop him from keeping up with the job, thought. He had to be undercover to get closer, so cases of Used to be Lovers/Friends are probably included. You will likely hear from a character In Love With the Mark the quote “It wasn’t personal.”

Example: Jack/Angela; Jackson/Lisa; Vincent/Anne; Tom/Lizzie (Jacob/Masha); Skye/Ward

The Queen and her Champion

Woman occupies traditionally feminine roles of power and the man is an example of masculinity for others. She uses clever words, social understanding and schemes. He is her sword and her armor, but nothing more. Because of their different stances, he is bound to be close to her he protects, but never with her.

Examples: Maly and Alina; Zelda and Link; Lancelot and Guinevere; Rhaenyra Targaryen and Criston Cole; Daenerys and Ser Jorah; Every Elizabeth Tudor romance, Queen Anne and Aramis; Lucrezia and Cesare; Cersei and Jaime.

Art Inspires Love

When character A realizes or falls (more) in love with character B after watching him dance, sing, or doing something artistic.

Examples: Frollo/Esmeralda, Christine/Erik, Hap/Prairie, Isaura/Leôncio, Anne/Vincent, Sandor/Sansa and Babydoll/Blue Jones.

Supernatural Connection

The characters have a psychic or physical connection. Maybe they can communicate through telepathy or can feel each other’s presence and emotions when they are nearby. There might be a spell connecting their hearts in a way one can only die when the other one does. Maybe they are twins. Whatever the reason, these characters are bonded in a way no one else could be.

Examples: Kylo x Rey, Nuada x Nuala, Darkling x Alina and Cersei x Jaime.

The Frollo Effect

A guy falls in love with a girl he is suppose to reject, repulse or dehumanize, and fights against it. By trying to suppress it, her converts love into hatred against her and himself, and probably punishes both hoping it will make the feeling go away. It does not work and the guy starts doing things he never thought he was capable of in order to deal with this unbearable need. He is usually proud, rational and very in control of himself until she comes along. Her initial dismissal as a suitor commonly starts out as social expectation - in which the characters are from divergent social segments and ideologically separated -, but it’s always a expectation the guy has over himself, regardless if anyone else imposes this on him.

Examples: Esmeralda x Frollo (Gypsy and priest), Amon x Helen (Jew and nazi), Isaura x Leôncio (Slave and master), Daisy x Ram (Sister and brother), William x Dolores (Host and guest) and Hap x Prairie (Subject and scientist)

Bonding undercover

When the bad guy pretends to be a normal person long enough to befriend the good girl and make her fall in love with him. This is usually how tragically two-sided vxh happens, because she gets to know his other side before the bad one gets in the way, but they can still have a happy ending because it also establishes they could have the base for a healthy relationship if only he could abandon his malicious quest. This only happens when the girl develops deeply romantic feelings for him; if it's only a crush or devilish attraction (Red Eye, The OA and Agents of SHIELD) than it doesn't count. She must be sobbing on the floor when this is done. May also involve an amnesia period in which the antagonist approaches the hero as an old friend or a lover.

Examples: Steerpike and Fuchsia, Christine and Erik, Kiara and Kovu, Elizabeth and Tom, Dracula and Vanessa

Generation Parallel

A love story doesn’t end up well. Years later another generation repeats the first one in a slightly different manner. Most of the time, the parallel between the two affairs means the characters from the first one have the chance to develop as we wished they would, and that their love might have grown roots under a different field. Sometimes it just means shit happens no matter the circumstances, and that people will make the same mistakes of their elderlies despite that they should have known better by now. If we are talking about the first generation’s offspring (Incest not necessarily included), it might mean their love is on their DNA and they would fall over and over again under different names and places. In any case, this trope is the romantic side of History Repeats Itself.

Very common theme in incest, because their birth requires a previous affair between their parents, but it only counts if it is a story on its own, full of ups and downs, and people talk about it. If it’s not mentioned or important to the plot, there is no point in calling it Generation Parallel.

Examples: Jaime and Cersei (Joana and Tywin), Arya and Gendry/Jon (Lyanna and Robert/Rhaegar), Catherine and Hareton (Cathy and Heathcliff), Abby and Henry (Wakefield and Sarah), Rey and Kylo (Padme and Anakin), Isaura and Leôncio (Almeida and Juliana), Leonardo e Marina (Pilar e Murilo).

Roaring Rampage of Romance

Love that starts a war and the main plot. Characters that destroy cities and galaxies because Love Made Them Evil, because they are trying to be with whom they love or to secure their safety and happiness. It might be on purpose, in which they have foreseen the consequences but choose to take them anyway as a means to an end, or it was accidental. There may be decades of conflict and the count of a hundred corpses, or maybe a famous massacre with a handful dead extras. Maybe a murderer is hunting down everyone on an Island so that he can be alone with his beloved. Anyway, innocent people that had nothing to do with them nor interfered with the couple’s happiness will suffer the collateral damage.

Common trope among royalty, since marrying or bearing the children of someone you were not supposed to could have disastrous consequences to the State, still people would do it for love.

If the character is causing the rampage in search for something else, like power, and to secure his beloved is an incidental bonus, it isn’t considered Roaring Rampage of Romance, unless he is doing it because Love Has Made Him Evil. Alina/Darkling and Nuada/Nuala, for instance, don’t fit this category.

Examples: Penny Dreadful, Inuyasha, ASoIaF (Rhaegar x Lyanna, Jaime x Cersei, Petyr x Catelyn), Harper’s Island, Westworld, Notre Dame de Paris, Wuthering Heights, The Phantom of the Opera, Bram Stroker’s Dracula, Apollo and Cassandra, Star Wars (Anakin and Padmé)

Taboo Tropes

Incest

Self-explanatory. Cousins will not be considered incest in here. I’m brazilian.

Subtrope: Decadent Aristocrats

Ho Yay

Homosexual couples

Age gap

Ships with age gap between then, 10 years at least. Supernatural/immortal beings won’t be taken into account unless the other part is a child or coming of age.

Wife Husbandry

A man adopts or temporarily takes care of a little girl. She may or not develop a precocious crush on him. Little girl grows up into a extraordinary and desirable woman. She had him on a pedestal all these years and has been saving herself for him. Man is distressed bc he can’t reconcile the image of the child he cherished as a father and the provoking woman she turned out to be. He mostly resists her advances, but they work that out by the end.

Example: Older!Mathilda/Leon AU, Nancy/Hartigan (Sin City), Veronica/William (Final Girl)

Development Tropes

End game ship

Is not everyday an OTP becomes end game

AU ship

A.k.a. “Canon? Who needs canon?” ships. OTPs that had a lot of potential but were ruined by canon. So either I ignore the end they were given, either some parts in the middle. Unlike Not Canon ships, these were meant to be romantically involved, but the way it was executed ruined it.

Secondary Interest ship

That One Scene ships are the ones with nothing shippable except for one or two scenes. Sometimes is not even canon and are more anti-recs than anything, but it’s still about villain x heroine, so it’s relevant to this blog.

Not canon

Word of God stayed silent and, according to my best judgment, the subtext was not enough. If something sexual or romantic happens between the characters but isn’t based on desire, such as the villain seducing the heroine for his advantage, it’s not canon.

Example: Scream (Billy/Sidney), Kim Possible (Kim/Shego), Mulan (Mulan x Shan Yu), World Without End (Carys x Edward), Sky High (Layla x Warren), Star Wars (Obi-Wan x Padmé), Richard III (Anne x Richard), Tesis (Angela x Bosco)

[viralhottopics]

An In-Depth Discussion About How Psychotic All The Girls On This Season Of The Bachelor Are

This episode of opens with all the girls talking about how they can’t even sleep because they are so excited to be dating Nick. He’s a slutty nerd with a weird speaking affect who seems terrible at being in a relationship, but okay, he’s got a hot body now (thanks crossfit), so I’m tracking.

This week Chris Harrison greets the girls and tells them it’s “physically impossible” for all the girls to go on a date, even though Chris Harrison invents how many days inhabit the “weeks” and how much time there is for the dates to exist. But, sure, let’s create scarcity for content because we all know whatever Chris says the girls are going to react like this:

Bye Bye bitch

Liz

OMG lol. Liz is such a tragic psycho and I don’t even feel bad for her. If she genuinely believes she’s a victim here she deserves her own reality show because she is on another plane of existence. She manipulates Nick by turning him down after they have a seemingly awesome night of sex and then shows up NINE MONTHS LATER on his reality show to yell at him for not pursuing her. 0_0

ranking the girls this week

Jaimie

Not really sure why she’s here.

Kristina

At the beginning of every season you can kind of tell who is there as filler and who is getting a low key edit so the producers don’t blow their load before the drama driven finale. Kristina is the former, not the latter.

Jasmine

Jasmine is crazy and going to get crazier and I am HERE FOR IT. She’s a former Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader which you might know if you watch the best show on television . She sticks through this episode and there’s absolutely no way she makes it to the end — BUT — she’s going to be really fun to watch.

Corinne

Corinne is my absolute idol. Corinne takes a situation in which everyone is wearing disgusting wedding dresses while she wears a bikini and feels threatened because other girl is wearing only bikini bottoms and mermaid hair and makes it into an obstacle she’s overcome. “I didn’t just go into this photo shoot with no clothes, I actually was daring enough to take them off.”

For the LOLs, here’s Jasmine’s reaction to Corinne taking her top off:

Unfortunately Corinne says in her on camera interview “no one has ever held my boobs like that” of Nick during her photoshoot. This is unfortunate because he was scared and awkward and not good. Corinne! You can do better! Go on Tinder!

Alexis

Alexis is the shotgun wedding so she gets to play dress up again, which is perfect for her. Nick seems intrigued that she’s so adventurous, but I think with anyone who knows someone like Alexis, eventually you just want to know if they’re capable of having an attention span longer than a fruit fly. We’ll see how long she sticks around.

Hailey

‘

Hailey bitches and moans about how her family would “kill her” if she took her top off in a swimming pool but literally yesterday she was telling Nick (and America!) that she wasn’t wearing any panties, which is way skankier because there’s no element of fun.

Josephine

Josephine belongs in a mental institution but she’s nice and fun to watch so I’ll allow it.

Dominique

Dominique is left out of this weeks dates. Maybe she had THAT great of a connection with Nick on night one, or maybe he’s biding his time to eliminate her.

Whitney

Whitney also didn’t get a date but if it’s between her and Dominique, one is a pilates instructor and the other is a server…

Lacey

I have a feeling Lacey is totally filler here and she’s going to regret wasting compliments like “Nick could wear a paper bag and look good” on his corny ass. She’s featured a lot in this episode because she gives good recaps to producers. When she kissed Nick she says “tastes like Danielle”.

Taylor

I think going to school and getting a bunch of degrees used to ensure you were a smart person but Taylor is the most recent in a long line of people who seem to use degrees to claim that they are smart… while proving otherwise. Like, I’m sure she could recite some social work textbook verbatim but… does she actually know anything? He social skills are shocking for a therapist, she has no clue how to make people comfortable or what an appropriate thing to say is.

Raven

Raven “left a lot at home” to come here and “find love” so she’s sad that Nick’s time is being monopolized by Corinne and her braless ways. Again, I really don’t think Nick is going to be into her vibe. Wrong place wrong time to be on cause any other guy would eat it up.

Astrid

Astrid goes on Nick’s bizarro breakup museum date and we don’t see a lot from her, but she doesn’t feel like the kind of filler that’s not showcased because she’s going to be promptly eliminated.

Vanessa

Somehow I feel like this 80’s white trash wedding look actually Vanessa. Like, her angular face was just for this episode to air.

Elizabeth

Elizabeth is just her sweet self while other girls do things like make her crush feel their boobs. I have high hopes that she’s a dark horse who will do better as the season goes on, but for now she’s a total wallflower.

Sarah

Sarah literally looks like this all the time. I can’t take her seriously. I feel like someone would punch her in the face and she’d be super psyched about it.

Brittany

Can. We. Talk. About. How. Incredible. Brittany. Looks. This. Episode ????

Wow. This is my dream vacation outfit.

Just hope Nick isn’t as disappointed as I am when he remembers in real life she has short hair.

Danielle L

“I’ve never been a bridesmaid before” which is perfect because “Nick’s never been a groom before”. Ummm. Does this person know how weddings/life works? That doesn’t even make sense.

But anyways Danielle L doesn’t get a lot of air time this episode but she’s safe because of her amazing cleavage on night one and because this episode is devote to how much of a psycho Liz is.

Christen

I think Christen is the most beautiful girl left on this show. She seems level-headed and cool. I’m not convinced she has any spark with Nick, but I hope she goes far.

Danielle M

My mom told me a rumor that Danielle M was in a music video for a country singer back in Nashville, so we definitely don’t think she’s there “for the right reasons”. HOWEVER, she definitely has the right kind of charm to fool Nick, so I’m not convinced she isn’t going to be around for a long time.

Also she tells a weird sob story about how her fiance died of a drug overdose. Like legit, I love people who talk about their addiction stories and try to get better. I’m super sorry someone died but it’s also weird to be engaged to someone who is addicted to drugs??? Is that rude to mention??? How is it normal/forever person material to be engaged to someone who is addicted to drugs???

Rachel Lindsey

Rachel didn’t go on a date this week, but I assume that’s because she got the first impression rose — meaning Nick wants to take a time out to get to know some of the more iffy girls before he circles back to see how strong his connection is with his main girl.

Burning Question for next week’s episode

Will anyone be able to get over Nick’s gross face after he says ‘Liz and I had sex’ ???

Will Nick regret driving up to the house in a convertible like a douchebag to begin his apology tour???

Will Vanessa continue to be confused about the morals of a guy she watched fucked two other girls on television before uprooting her life to pursue (also on television) ???

Will we FINALLY get a rose ceremony????

Read more: http://tcat.tc/2jFUd4Q

from An In-Depth Discussion About How Psychotic All The Girls On This Season Of The Bachelor Are