#Venus sent this to me a while ago and I can’t stop thinkin about it

[peterkayscarshare]

Life in the Slow Lane Chapter 4 by OvertheRainbow2

Life In The Slow Lane Part 4: A New Direction

 Thirty minutes after his declaration, John and Kayleigh were seated on the side of her single bed, arms wrapped around each other, while Kayleigh continued to intermittently sob, sniff and ruin the sleeve of John’s shirt. She’d also made her way through half a box of Kleenex Ultra Soft and John was becoming increasingly concerned that at this rate, she was at significant risk of dehydration. “Seriously Kayleigh. You’ve got to stop cryin’” “I know! I just can’t! Every time I look at you. No one’s ever said anything like that to me before. It was so beautiful.” With that she started crying yet again. “Yeah, well I meant every word. I love ya. I’m also really hoping you’ll stop blubbin long enough for me to a) get the feeling back in me right arm, b) avoid the necessity to dry clean this shirt, c) prevent flood damage to the carpet and d) let me kiss ya. That finally made her smile, “I like the sound of option d”. “I thought you might.” The kiss started out as a tentative and tender effort to reacquaint their lips but as was often the case between them, it didn’t take long for it to become more of a heated exchange. Soon they were reclining on the bed, their limbs desperately trying to find the optimum position, like a highly competitive game of Twister. Forgetting that the scope of his performance was somewhat limited by the venue, John attempted to roll onto his back, bringing Kayleigh with him, only to crash unceremoniously into the tiny bedside table, upending the alarm clock and bedside lamp. “Christ! Me elbow! Mother of God woman! You should come with a health warning.” “Never mind your elbow! What about me lamp!? Anyway, you were the one attempting gymnastics.” Moment lost, Kayleigh clambered over John to survey the damage and pick up the scattered items from the floor. 

 Having narrowly avoided catastrophe, John was now comfortably reclining on the bed with a somewhat smug expression on his face. He couldn’t help but grin as he admired Kayleigh’s pert posterior as she bent over in front of him. “I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you this but you’ve got one hell of acute little ass Miss Kitson.” “John!” “What!? You do. It’s a statement of fact. The idea of that sleazy get Rick puttin’ his hands anywhere near you, pisses me off in ways you can’t imagine. How I’m gonna get through this wedding without lampin’ him, I’ve no idea.” Kayleigh found herself blushing at his cheeky compliment. He noticed, “You’re also very sexy when you blush.” Sensing this was heading for, as yet, uncharted territory and curious to discover the exact destination, she decided to play along. “Am I now?” “Yeah. You are.” “You know, one of these days you’re going to have to put your money where your mouth is John Redmond.” “What the Hell does that mean?” “It means you’re all talk and no action. All mouth and no trousers.” “Oh Really.” “Yeah really.” “You talkin’ about Rick because if you are, let me tell you, no one touches my woman. If he wants to keep his wedding tackle intact, he’ll keep his hands to himself from now on.”  “Ooh, here comes the caveman. Your woman?” “Well, Yeah. That’s what you are...aren’t ya?” Kayleigh drew herself up to the entirety of her 5ft 2 ins, “I am a woman John.” “I know you are”. “And even though I can stand up for myself, I do love it that you get all, protective of me. I just think it’s also important that you understand that a woman has needs. This woman has needs.”

 John began to look sheepish. “Yeah but I’m guessin’ they don’t include some lecherous bastard takin’ liberties!” “No. They do not.” “Listen, I know how you feel and I’m not averse to fulfilling those “needs”. Honest I’m not.” Kayleigh scoffed, “Yeah right! I’ll believe that when I see it. If I made a serious move on you right now, you’d run a mile. You’d be off down those stairs faster than Usain Bolt.“ “What makes you so sure?” “Experience. With you, it’s so far and no further. I’ve heard every excuse in the book. “Let’s not rush things”, “Oh heck, is that the time? We’ve got an early start in the morning”. My personal favourite is, “Pat next door’s bringing back me orbital sander”. You’re hot and cold more often than a dodgy boiler John Redmond. It’s like that Victoria Wood song. I’m saying “Let’s do it!” and I half expect you to say “Me mother’s sent a note to say you must excuse me.” John was smiling, “D’ya want me to beat you on the bottom with a Woman’s Weekly then?” Kayleigh couldn’t help but chuckle, “You’re missing the point!” “I’m not. Believe me, I understand. You’re frustrated that we haven’t....you know...” “Oh I know! The word is sex John and frankly if you can’t even say it, I’m more than a bit concerned about you’re ability to actually do it!” “Hey! I can do it. Trust me. I’ve had no complaints” “Well I wouldn’t know, would I? Should I check the reviews on TripAdvisor?” “Don’t be smart”. “I’m not bein’ “smart”. That’s exactly what I’ve got to do, trust ya. I’ve got to trust that I’m not completely wasting my time here. That it isn’t the case that you love me but you’re just not “in love” with me.” The turn of phrase immediately caused him to sit up in bed. The atmosphere changing almost immediately. “Is this about Charlotte?” “No. It’s not about Charlotte, it’s about us.” “Then why are you digging up the past?” “I’m not!” “You are! I told you months ago that was one of the reasons why I broke up with her. You seriously think that’s how I feel about you just because we haven’t slept together yet!?” “I don’t know what to think John.” “Mother of Pearl! I tell you I love you. More than anyone I’ve ever known and you translate that to mean I love you like a mate but otherwise I’m not that fussed!? How about when we’re together? It’s not exactly as though there’s no passion there. I’ve got the bruises to prove it! In case you somehow missed it, I fancy you like mad!” “That’s the point!” “Oh, there’s a point to this? Thank Fuck!” “Now you’re just being a shit!” “Oh, I’m a shit now, am I!?” With that John got up and headed to the door, “Where are you goin’!?” “To wait for you to cool down and to be a shit in the comfort of my own home.” “Fine. Sod off then. All you ever do is avoid the issue.” “What bloody issue!?” “Why you don’t want to have sex with me?!” “I do want to have sex with you!” “So why do you keep fobbin’ me off?!” “TED2!”

 It hung in the air between them for several seconds. Kayleigh looked both confused and aghast and John looked mortified. After what felt like an eternity, the silence was interrupted by a knock at the door, followed by Mandy’s voice, unfamiliar and a strange combination of 1940’s telephonist and vaguely patronising flight attendant, “Eh, sorry to disturb but could I suggest lowering the volume slightly? If I could avoid the necessity for Sex Education with two primary schoolers over the Sunday roast that would be very much appreciated. Thank you.” As they heard her footsteps retreat back down the stairs, Kayleigh tentatively re-opened the conversation, “Ted 2? What the hell does he have to do with our sex life?” “You really fancied him.” Kayleigh was bewildered by this random statement of the blatantly obvious, “Eh, Yeah. I’m not sure you’d find a heterosexual woman with a pulse, who wouldn’t. I also really fancy Jake Gyllenhaal and Bradley Cooper and if I was ever going to reassess my sexuality, you know that Beyoncé would definitely get it.  I’ve got about as much chance with them John, as I do with Ted 2. It’s a fantasy. If I’d wanted to talk to him, unleash my inner cougar and probably make an absolute bloody fool of myself, I would have done it. I didn’t. That’s because sometimes it’s just nice to dream but know that dream will never be a reality. The truth is, you don’t really want it to be. Especially when reality is so much better. I’ve never had much luck when it comes to romance, you know that. I was beginning to think that it wasn’t going to happen for me. That happiness was something I’d always dream about but I’d never know. Then I put my name down for a bloody company car sharing scheme, checked the notice board and Cath Hilton had just helped me win the lottery of life. You came along. You. With all your quirks and imperfections, with all your wonderful and infuriating. You’re my dream come true John Redmond”. Despite himself, he felt teary. As was his habit, he desperately tried to pass it off, “If I’m your dream come true, you mustn’t have much of an imagination.” “Oh you’d be amazed.” She gave him a wicked grin and winked. Despite her reassurances though, John still looked subdued. “Let me tell you exactly what my dream always was. It was to meet a man who made me laugh until I cried. Who didn’t bore me to death. Who listened to my stories, treated me with respect and made me feel valued and special. Who didn’t just see me as some ditsy girl. Someone who was kind and made me feel safe. A man I could love so much it made my heart ache and who I knew loved me too. One that I could actually see myself building a life with. Throw in beautiful, twinkly blue eyes and the loveliest smile, a cuddle and a takeaway on a Sunday night and there it is. My idea of perfection.” “What about a six pack and a tight ass?” “What about them?” “Isn’t that what you want too?” “That’s what all this is about isn’t it? You feel self-conscious.” His sudden fascination with the bedroom carpet said it all. “John. Look at me.” Tentatively he looked up. “I feel nervous too. I keep thinkin’ about me muffin top and Cagney and Lacey aren’t quite the formidable crime fighting duo they once were.” John smiled, “Why do you think I started going to boot camp? I wanted you to see me at my best.” “You’re always at your best and you always will be. You’re the loveliest, most beautiful woman I’ve ever known and every day you’re more gorgeous than the next.” “See that? Right there? That’s better than any six pack and that’s why I love you. You’re not looking for me to change, or be something I’m not and never will be and I’m not looking for you to do that either. I’m not interested in some buffed up gym bunny. I don’t want Ted 2, I want John 1.” “Do ya, really?” She moved seductively towards him, “Yes I do. I Really, really, really do.” With that she kissed him. This time it felt so much less desperate and urgent and so much more relaxed, yet with an intensity that was overwhelming. Within minutes their hands were touching and exploring, with a renewed confidence and the lure of the tiny single bed was immense. 

 This time it was Kayleigh who called time on their passion. “John?” She gasped. “Hmm?” Came a distracted reply from the region of her neck. “Don’t hate me but I think we should stop.” He did, immediately but for a moment he didn’t move. Slowly he lifted his head. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” She began to panic at his frustrated expression, “I know. It’s just...” Suddenly, he broke into a reassuring smile, “Don’t worry. I’m just winding you up. I know what you mean. I don’t want our first time to be in your sister’s box room with walls like paper, a bed designed for a ten year old and the prospect of your niece and nephew walkin in on us at any moment. Not to mention your brother in law and my best mate just outside the window and your sister cookin a roast dinner in the kitchen downstairs. I mean, a little bit of distraction can sometimes be useful in these situations but there’s distraction and then there’s bloody off putting.” She whispered in his ear, “We’ll have our moment....soon. I promise”. “Too damn right we will! Do you have plans for next weekend?” “Nope, nothing in the diary.” “Well, how about when I pick you up on Friday morning, you bring some clothes and whatever other bits you need and stay with me for a few days? We’ll do whatever you want to do. Go out for dinner, or stay in and grab a takeaway, watch a DVD, or go to the cinema. Whatever you feel like you wanna do. No pressure. Just you and me....and if during that time Cagney and Lacey decide they want to let me help them with their inquiries, I’d definitely be up for that.” Kayleigh grinned, “Oh you’d be up for that would you?” John chuckled, “I absolutely would. Those two still know how to get their man and I can tell ya, I’d be more than happy to be detained at their pleasure.” Kayleigh laughed long and hard, “You’re such an idiot but I love ya to bits.” “Right back at ya gorgeous. I take it that’s a yes.” “Of course it is!” The heart shaped lamp on the windowsill suddenly caught John’s attention. “Still up there I see.” “Yep and it’s goin’ nowhere. I’m keepin’ that lamp always. Even when it doesn’t work anymore, it’s stayin’ with me.” “You really did like it eh?” “You don’t get it do ya? That’s when I knew.” “Knew what?” “That I loved you.” “When I bought you a plastic novelty lamp!?” “It wasn’t so much the lamp. It was what it meant. You could have bought me anything. A gift voucher, some flowers, or a bottle of Prosecco but you didn’t. You remembered something I said to you weeks before, in passing, about a heart shaped lamp that I liked and instead of forgetting about it, or just ignoring me, like most blokes would have done, you actually listened to me, you heard me and you cared. You held on to what I said and you chased it down to Preston and you bought it for me, just to make me happy.” By now they both had tears in their eyes. “And that is why that lamp is staying with me.” John instantly replied, “With us. It’s stayin’ with us. Forever.”