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dackewins1 · 5 years ago

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Windsor Dacke Self Para #001 Crashing Down

It was times like this that everything came crashing down. When the fridge was full, homework was done, practice was over and no one was around. These were the moments' Win hated. The cup of ice had already started melting as he rubbed it up and down his shin. Practice had been hard. His shoulder and side should have felt numb and he knew that he had to take the ice off eventually. They didn’t feel numb. Everything about him ached. His body protested with every back and forth moment as his shin turned pink. He didn’t want to think. He didn’t want to remember. He should go find someone, he should have gone to the kitchens. He should have done something. Instead, the paper cup that once held ice crumpled in his hands.

Everything comes crashing down eventually.

Moving really wasn’t becoming all that special. Win had moved many times in the past that he really didn’t care. He was always ready to move at the drop of a hat. It would take him 3 minutes to grab everything he needed and leave. That was quicker than the average police response. He knew since he’d done it after all. But this time it was different. They told him they were moving to Texas. Texas isn’t bad, they told him. He’d make new friends, as if that wasn’t obvious. That he could still stay in touch with his old friends too. That everything would work out perfectly. Trust us, they said. Come with us, they said. We won’t leave without you. If you want to stay in New York it’s okay. We don’t have to move, we just think we are better suited to live in Texas. Come with us.

He really should have said no.

They didn’t tell him that when they meant they were moving to Texas it meant that week. That he had two days to tell his friends. All of them. That they had actually already told the school he was moving. That his choice wasn’t a choice, that they had already made it for him. They expected him to follow, they just wanted him to agree to move. It was better that way. If he thought he had a say. They always told him he had a say in things. That had never been farther from the truth. He told all of his friends at school. That was simple. The hard part was his true friends. The ones he’d been with for so long.

Kenzie and Fane.

He knew Kenzie would be okay. He’d have to tell her first and she’d cry but he’d promise her he’d stay in touch and everything would be okay. Her parents would give him their address, they’d hug, and everything would be okay. He would still be her friend. Even if they were one thousand five hundred and fifty-some miles apart. Win had done the math, he’d counted. Kenzie cried and he hugged her but it was okay it felt like a see you later not like a goodbye. This wasn’t a goodbye.

Fane would be different.

It would be much different. Win didn’t even know what to say. How did you tell your best friend you were leaving. That you were going one thousand five hundred and fifty-some miles away. How did you even explain the distance? He didn’t want to move, he didn’t want to move, he didn’t want to move- he’d already agreed.

“I’m leaving Fane.” Win twisted his hand behind his back. The nervous tick that so many people had commented on. Keep your back straight, puff out your chest. You're a boy, aren’t you? Act like one.

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Fane grinned at him. Fane didn’t know. He didn’t know that wasn't what Win meant. That Win wouldn’t see him tomorrow that was the problem. Win quickly shook his head.

“No, I mean I’m moving again.” Win tried to get his point across.

“Okay well, we’ve been friends even when you don’t live in Brooklyn.” Fane still was smiling at Win.

“I’m moving to Texas!” Win finally yelled feeling his heart clench. He couldn’t cry, this, it didn’t matter they were friends they’d always be friends. Boys didn’t cry.

“What?” Fane looked shocked, the grin dropping from his face.

“I’m moving. To Texas. Tomorrow. I, I didn’t know earlier or I would have told you.” Win kept his voice low, his hands behind his back twisting and tugging at his fingers nervously.

“Oh,” Fane nodded. “I, that's okay. We’ll still be friends and you can write to me.”

“Oh. Okay.” Win nodded and then looked behind him hearing a yell of his name. “I gotta. I gotta go. I’ll write.”

Boys didn’t cry. Win didn’t cry as he left quickly going to the car where he knew his name had been yelled. Even in the car answering meaningless questions, Win did not cry. He would write. He’d keep his word and they would still be friends and somehow Win would get back to New York. He’d do everything he could to get back to New York. Fane would be okay. Win told him he’d write. That was good, that was okay. Win didn’t need to say anything else. Right? This would be okay. Boys did not cry.

Win should have said something better.

Standing up that quickly made his head rush. Ice got pulled off his body plastic film tearing and being dropped to the floor as he leaned against the wall. Boys didn’t cry. Boys didn’t cry. He turned letting his body fall to the ground back against the wall, hands in his hair. Everything that had happened was his fault. He should have said no, he should have protested. Why the fuck did anyone want to go to Texas when they were living in the best city on earth. He left his home, he left his friends. He had spent years in Texas before he finally, finally made it back to New York.

Win hated times like this. When everything came crashing down.

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