#Y'ALL ARE WAY TOO CUTE FOR THIS WORLD WE'RE BLESSED

[macaroni-rascal]

Now, let's start with the senior ladies because they deserve to headline. Halle-fucking-lujah, Isabeau got a new dress. It's not the most remarkable, but at least it's not a down jacked that exploded in the wash. It did the job, now let's hope the SP dress undergoes the same treatment. Good on her for bouncing back like that, but I still don't fully enjoy her skating because of the coaching failures. Rion did well to recover from that nasty pop but she's still not the most compelling and without the high tech she doesn't have much to fall back on. Hana is so cute but her programs are kinda weird. I think the red glove is supposed to be a bird's beak and those are not little leaves but I guess feathers? Either way, I'd like to see more direction in the program selection and more individuality shining through. Nina has some lovely qualities but they're counteracted by some glaring deficiencies. Her packaging and music are good but she looks like she's watched too much recent Russian skating. I don't know if they can do anything to fix it at this point. I'm much more charitable towards Loena's costume now that I know she designed it herself, but omg what I wouldn't give to never hear Vogue again. There was even a jr free dance that for some reason paired it with Frozen, but it was a Ukrainian team, so they get all the leeway. This, on the other hand, just doesn't work, most of the choreo isn't on beat and in the hands of an any less charming performer, it would be DOA. There are so many directions they could go in. I think the artist they're looking for is Ciara. If they want a Eurodance vibe, there's Inna, there's Cascada, there's all the Eurovision queens, the international pop girlies, the entire thriving LatAm music scene to pick from... Why this off-brand version of something that's been done before, twice, more successfully, when she's so unique and such a breath of fresh air? And the arms above the head on all the jumps feel like such a throwback. I don't know what to prescribe, a summer in Champery perhaps? Shae-lynn? Jeff Buttle? Jeff Buttle. Kaori is so sophisticated and so in her element at this point that although these are safer program choices than she's had before, I think she's earned her stripes and can clearly deliver on anything she sets her mind to. The packaging is mature, classy and suits her position in the sport as its reigning queen. We'll look back on this as a blessed time.

The men really said "we're gonna men so hard, y'all don't even know!" And so they did. The French men have more rights than ever, they low-key own my ass, especially Adam. There's a Patrick Chan-ness to his carriage that I can't quite describe, but so much more on top of it. He truly is a daredevil and although the jumping technique is wild, the risks he takes tend to pay off, he's really exciting to watch and always has artistically coherent material, it's not just cool tricks for tricks' sake. That Arabian could save the world. Even when he makes mistakes, I'm riveted. I think he learned an important lesson here about not peaking at the Shanghai fucking Trophy. Kevin did the Chris Knierim thing where he quit mid-program. But we know what we sign up for with him, I guess, and when it works, it's magic, but when it doesn't, it's just pain. He's one of few skaters I'd subject my eardrums to Bolero for so he better regroup. Kao was also a struggle but at least I figured out what bothers me about his skating - he skates like Russian Mark, where his weight isn't properly positioned over the blade, it's over his arches and not the balls of his feet. By contrast, watching Yuma is such a vacation. His technique is so sound and reliable that I can just kick back and relax. He's above all a well-managed skater, and he still has room to grow, which is exciting. I couldn't get a really good look at his shirt but it seems like it has two layers of sheer fabric over a fitted velour top and that's brilliant in such an understated way, because his skating speaks for itself anyway. I'd really like to see him do more original material, though. Carolina at the boards is such a soothing presence, more people should work with her. I didn't like Shoma's shirt as much because I feel like it doesn't know what it wants to be, was it the same one previously? Idk, but he's worn such stunning pieces before that I'm a little underwhelmed. Still, breathtaking skating, wild jump technique and air position notwithstanding. One of the skaters with the highest emotional ROI for me thus far. I wish he'd won. Okay, how on earth are Ilia's new costumes even worse!? He looked like Slenderman or the creatures from the Hush episode of Buffy. Why can't they figure out something as simple as the packaging when they can figure out a freaking 4A!? If he wasn't grown, I'd be calling CPS. It's an epidemic among the North American male skaters who have Soviet parents, it's honestly a meme at this point. It irks me because he has the tech and you can see the flexibility and the potential to be artistic, and it just isn't happening. He's regressed in that department, but fatigue probably played a part. For the love of god, take the prize money and fly to Montreal, I can't take this anymore! He has great hair, they should make it a feature.

The dance deserves its own post because Saucy was so valid in what she said.

Agreed on Isabeau's new dress, it looks so much better, she doesn't need to look like her grandma's curtains were bedazzled and gathered into a giant parachute of a dress. Amen amen amen. I'm with on Rion, Hana, and Nina, I haven't really felt much from any of them, and haven't had the urge to rewatch any of their skates. Nina especially, she is very Russian girl coded, it's all pumping up and down in cross overs, quick bad transitions, and eeked out jumps. I wish Leona would also ditch this free skate, that attempt at duck walking was cute the first time, and now makes me cringe. Bow down to Queen Kaori, she is finally getting her flowers and I love that for her. She IS the moment. Look at the material!

I'm still on the fence with Adam, those Benoit programs are a slog for me to get through, I just find them needlessly cerebral and overwrought; there's something arrogant about Benoit's programs that I can't put my finger on. Kevin, oh Kevin. Le sigh. That's all I got for him. Kao confuses me, cause there's moments that are good, and them even more moments where it looks like he's trying to fight off an imaginary bee, it's all off balance and twitchy. Yuma, I salute you. Love him to death, he's wonderful. Shoma is...god, I love Shoma. I also wish he'd won. Ilia should still not be getting above 7s in PCS, I'll die on that hill. His tech is amazing, everything else is meh, so his marks should be 'just okay.'

The single skaters, overall, had a nice GPF though, I enjoyed both disciplines here. Thanks for sharing your thoughts as always!

[mythvoiced]

MAKE YOUR MUSE & YOURSELF.

TAGGED BY:  @intergalacticxmisfits HERE SHE IS, TANUKI BBY IN ALL HER GLORY TAGGING: @busanbunnie @naturalheal @apearlwrites @enchcntd @liibertcs @ofdays @airxn @emberlied @theimpalpable @unearthlyxones @iinterminatis @ovcrdramatiic @delicatewiz @falling-for-a-fantasy @gigglcwatcrr @kodo-kai @viriditty @naivelost @mxgxnghwa & YKNOW U

[shera-dnd]

Good news, my dad just came back from surgery and he's doing fine. Recovery is gonna be a slow process, but the surgery seems to have gone pretty well for him and things are healing fine.

Bad news, that means that for the next 60 days it's all on me to keep this family afloat, so please I am asking for all the help I can get for what is gonna be this family's roughest couple of months.

I'd usually use my cute fursona and make a big deal about all the cool shit I can write for you guys, but right now I wanna have a more straightforward conversation.

I'll get back to making this a fun little fundraiser later, because I really don't like making things too bleak.

This blog has been my job for the past 3 years. It has paid the bills, paid for my meds, paid for my therapy, and for the past 3 years I've been a net 0 for my family. Sure I didn't bring much money to the table, but I wasn't costing them anything either.

And that was fine. My family was more than happy with that arrangement and so was I. I cannot express how grateful I am for all of you who have helped this be possible. I'm literally making my country's minimum wage by writing fanfiction on the internet, and that's a real blessing.

The thing is. My dad will spend the next 60 days recovering. He is self employed and he and my mom work together making furniture. Which means that if he can't work, she can't work, and if neither of them can work, then I am the only source of income for this household

For the next 2 months I'm gonna have to sustain four people all on my own. That means rent, bills, meds, therapy, all that stuff. We do have some money saved up, but I'm hoping we get to keep that and only use it for groceries or some emergency at the worst.

I did some math and that should add up to around a thousand dollars total (god bless dollar to reais conversion rates). But making a thousand dollars right at the end of those 2 months isn't gonna help anyone. Bills need to be paid and those have due times, and it would be very difficult for me to even access that money if my internet got cancelled by the end of those months.

So we're doing 250 dollars every two weeks. Seems pretty doable, right? Well today is the final day for the first 250 dollar goal, which will be used to pay for power, water, and internet bills this week, as well as the pain meds my dad has to take now that he's recovering.

We got 156 dollars down, which is pretty good actually, but it's not enough quite yet. I know it's a lot to ask for, but I really could use as much help as I can get right now.

I'm not expecting someone to swoop in heroically and drop 100 dollars on me right now. Honestly I don't want anyone to invest so much money on me on their own.

What I need is for a handful of people to throw some spare change my way. There are nearly three thousand people following this blog, so even if less than 1% of you guys see this message and toss me like 3 dollars at the most, it's still gonna add up FAST.

And if you can't do that then reblog this, boost it, send it to friends, give this enough reach that eventually someone will see it and will choose to help my family, even if it's with little more than pocket change.

Because when I say "any donation can make a world of difference" I MEAN IT WITH FULL HONESTY

The Emergency in the title of the "Weasel Den Emergency Fund" is not a joke, even if the cute little weasel makes it seem less urgent.

Her name is Snori btw. Blame @midnightechoes for that name.

Anyways. I think that's all I have to say in this little honest heart to heart.

I think tomorrow I'll get back to hyping up all the fics I can write and share the cute pics of Snori being adorable

Thank you all for your attention, as well as any reblogs and donations.

Hope y'all have a nice weekend

[rickys-crypt]

Bringing Your Girl to the Cookout: Class 1A Girls X Black!GN!Reader

I didn't have time to do a whole lot but I did want to do a little something! Hope your day was enjoyable! Happy Valentine's day AND Black History Month!

Yeah, you don't have to worry about Mina. She knows what to do.

She brings some yams and you spend half the night making sure no one slanders them.

Not that anyone would. They're delicious.

You in the kitchen? She's right by your side, helping you bring the food out.

Visiting with the grandparents? She's charming them effortlessly with her bubbly personality.

Dealing with your hatin-ass aunties? She's dishing it right back with a smile.

You love her so much.

She knows all the dances. The cupid shuffle. The electric slide. The wobble. She knows some you ain't even heard of!

Your cousins love her.

In fact, a few of them love her a little too much, and you gotta remind them who she came with.

"AHT! That's MY girl. The only one she backing that thang up on is ME. Get to stepping."

She laughs, more than a little happy to hear you call her yours.

Momo, bless her heart, did not understand potato salad.

"Why don't we just get some from the store?" "Baby my family will clown me until kingdom come if we bring store-bought potato salad."

She was excited to help you through!

"How's this?" "Mmm, needs a little more salt and pepper."

It was all worth it to see everyone watch her as if she was an angel when the two of you arrived.

Probably won't dance with you, but has a plate or something to drink waiting for when you sit down.

Everyone already treats her like she's part of the family.

Your grandma already told her she can use the family veil in the wedding.

"Granny we're not even engaged-" "Then get a move on! I don't have all the time in the world to wait!"

Ochako surprised you on how well she can throw down in the kitchen.

Your momma was so mad somebody made her signature greens until she got a bite.

Now she giving you the 'if-you-don't marry-her' look and you're low-key sweating.

She also loves the kids, and they love watching her use her Quirk.

She asks you to make her a plate bc she trusts you to know what's good and you almost swoon.

Everyone loves this absolute sweetheart.

She doesn't know any of the dances, but once she sees them she's got the moves down.

She has a great time, and you're so glad to see her so happy.

Everyone doesn't really know what to think about Tsuyu at first. She seems a little distant at first, mostly sticking to you.

But as the night goes on, she opens up and everyone loves her calm personality.

Your uncle's are impressed at how good she is at poker, and you don't have the heart to tell then that you taught her how to play like two weeks ago.

Always asks if anyone wants anything when she gets up, and always remembers to bring it back.

Also made the mac and cheese everyone's been raving about.

You helped, but the two of you were both so excited to see her do it herself.

She steals your jacket later on and snuggles into you bc she gets cold, and you think she looks absolutely adorable.

Kyouka, bless her heart, cannot cook to save her life.

However, her punch is the bomb.

You are so glad you convinced her to make two pitchers and bring the stuff she uses to make it bc everyone loved it.

She tends to stick to you all night, but she's still happy to say hello to everyone.

Your cousins start clowning you and you have to resist the urge to start swinging.

"It's the dating a girl who looks like a Japanese version of Hayley Williams for me." "It's about to be the broken ribs for me if you don't shut up."

She gets anxious and you have to explain that they don't mean anything bad by it, and that it's just how y'all communicate a little later to calm her down.

One of your little cousins started learning the guitar, and you convince them to let her borrow it.

The two of you end up doing a duet and it's super cute.

You try to give the guitar back but lil man won't take it.

"You want me to keep playing after that? Nah!"

She offers to give him a lesson, and you don't see her again until you make her a plate and go to give it to her.

The way she smiles up at you has you falling in love with her all over again.

The two of you made chicken. Toru had never had your chicken before, and after one bite she was in love.

She scared anyone who had the nerve to say it wasn't that good behind your back.

She also "accidentally" spilled her water on one of your cousins's friends who wouldn't stop trying to hit you up.

Hey, no means no amiright?

She always manages to get the last of your favorites right under people's noses.

Sits in your lap most of the night since people just tend to accidentally sit on her if she sits in a chair.

She also knows most of the dances, and the two of you dance the night away in each other's arms.

[mindswriters]

Family Meeting - jj maybank × reader {one shot}

Summary: for the first time you decide to take your pogue boyfriend at your family's annual meeting, and let's say that your relatives didn't have the best reactions in the world.

Pairing: jj maybank × kook!reader

Warnings: language, underage drinking, mentions of hook ups?, "drunk" driving [IF YOU DRINK DON'T DRIVE]

Word count: 3.3K (is this big? idk)

A/N: hell yeah, i'm a shitty writer. Y/f/n means "your full name" btw

not my gif, credits to the owner ;)

****

Your surname is pretty infamous at the Outer Banks, your dad owns one of the biggest parts of Tannyhill, what makes you full kook. That's why you always lived in that shitty bubble wrap, you understand that living in the Figure 8 gave you privileges that you wouldn't have if you lived on the south side, and you hate the fact that everyone around you always pretend that everything is perfect when there are people to miles from there surviving from water and bread. But, as a blessing, a while ago your friend Sarah Cameron started dating John B, a Pogue guy who worked for the Cameron's, and you also started to hang out with them, and that's where your life started. At first your parents didn't liked your "new life", but they also did nothing to stop you (probably because they knew you would find a way to sneak out). You found your real crew with the Pogues, they were very receptive with you, John B is really kind and fun (way better than Topper, Sarah's ex boyfriend); Kie became your third musketeer, she's smart and is always there for you; Pope is your favorite nerd eveeer, y'all would be screwed without him. And last but not least, JJ Maybank, at first you thought he was cute, at second that he was a stubborn dumbass, and third? Oh, third you've fallen in love with him.

That's what brings you here, getting dressed for the Y/l/n's annual meeting at the Country Club, while JJ, your actual boyfriend is sitting on your bed with a messy hair and a clumsy suit. This meeting is nothing but a bullshit that your parents "require" you to go every year, you actually don't like it a lot, but today you are especially excited, you can't wait to see all your old aunts and envious cousins staring at you, when you arrive holding hands with your Pogue boyfriend. The most handsome Pogue of this island.

"Hey, J, which one is better, this one or this one?" you asked showing him your hands, each one holding a different pair of earrings.

"Hmm, this one." he pointed to your left hand with a smirk after carefully observed both the jewels.

You whispered a "thanks" and turned back to the mirror, putting the bright jewels on your ears. You were giving a last check on your marine blue dress, when you heard a knock at your half opened door.

"We're waiting for you kids." your dad tried to disguise the complain with a smirk.

"Sorry for the delay, dad, you know how long it takes for me to get ready." you pouted leaning on the door "But you and mom can go ahead, JJ and I will go with my car in a little while." you looked at your boyfriend and smiled when he waved to your father.

"You sure?" you quickly nodded "Okay then, see you there." the gray haired man sighed and went down the stairs.

"Thank you, daddy." you murmured but he definitely didn't listened.

"Can you just don't call him daddy when I'm around? It's kinda awkward." he slyly said when stood up from your bed.

You giggled rolling your eyes and walked towards him, looking up to stare his blue eyes "I never thought I would live to see JJ Maybank wearing a suit." you joked.

He just looked away and gave a shy laugh, while you delicately straightened his tie and collar. As much as you are excited, you don't see the same in JJ's expression, let's say he is not extremely comfortable in the middle of the Lion's den, as the Pogues call places with many Kooks.

"Come on babe, spit it out, what's wrong?" you ask kindly wrapping arms around his neck.

He shook his head hesitating to speak, but only with your gaze he eventually convinced himself that you wouldn't let it go unnoticed.

"Are you sure you want me to go? I mean, it's a family thing and-" he was about to vent put you stopped him.

"You are part of my family, JJ." you smiled placing a small kiss on his lips.

"Say it to your father, at this time he must be bad-mouthing me for the rest of your family." he complained snorting.

"So what?" you intertwined each other's fingers on both hands "Look, JJ, I don't care about what my father thinks and says about you, I just want to show up there holding your hand and telling everyone that you are the guy by whom I fell in love, and fuck what those idiots will think! It'll always be you." you sighed relieved after you vent all that was in your throat.

"Wow, unexpected PDA from my little girl uh?" you felt the heat blushing your cheeks, but he immediately filled your face with plenty kisses.

"I meant it, J, I meant it!" you both laughed when you tried to escape from his lips "Let's just go there and enjoy us, eat those weird foods, drink expensive drinks and if it gets too boring we can leave, okay?"

"Fine, fine, I'll go." he rolled his eyes pretending to be angry with you.

You held the boy's cheeks joining his lips lovingly and jumped up to the chair where your purse was hanging.

"I can't wait to see the faces of my envious cousins when they see me coming with the hottest guy on the Outer Banks." you sent a wink and asked him to follow you downstairs.

You drove all the way to the Country Club and when you got there you already saw all the chic decor and the other cars that were in the parking lot. JJ seemed to be nervous again, dangling his legs and biting his nails, but holding your hand before entering the party was what helped him to be calm. As soon as you took the first step, you were surrounded by the looks of everyone, some from close relatives who looked disappointed, and others from people you didn't even know were family members. Soon in the entrance hall you met your parents, talking to one of your aunts, when you were a child you gave her a loving nickname, auntie witchie.

"Hi dad, hi mom! I didn't know that half of Outer Banks was now our family." you teased kissing your parents cheeks.

"Less, Y/n." your father whispered discretely.

"Oh, Auntie Mary! How long I haven't seen you!" you greeted your aunt with an exaggerated (and false) smile.

The lady returned the smile but soon frowned as she spotted the messy blonde hair right behind you, even in a suit JJ was still clearly a Pogue.

"Let me introduce you, this is JJ, my boyfriend!" the boy politely kissed the top of your aunt's hand "I don't think you will need to worry about my relationships anymore."

You smiled confidently exchanging looks at the boy as your aunt seemed to analyze and judge every inch of him with a disgust feature. She looked at your parents and they just sighed and shrug.

"Y/n, darling, can I talk to you for a second?" you nodded in response and your aunt pulled you 2 steps to the side, which did not help from anything if she wanted a conversation reserved.

"What happened?" you asked as if you didn't knew what was coming.

"Is this boy really your boyfriend?" you nodded again, always smiling "And is he a-"

"A Pogue? Yes, he is a Pogue." you cut her even before she could finish the question "Any problem?"

"No, dear, but I mean, don't you think you should look some more? I don't know, someone here in Figure 8, with a good surname, I always thought that you would make a beautiful couple with the Cameron's prodigal son." you sighed thinking about a polite answer for the lady.

"I'm sorry, auntie, but you are completely wrong. I don't need to look anymore, JJ is definitely my lobster." you smiled leaving her confused with your words.

You turned your back politely and pulled JJ by the hand, with the intention of literally walking with him around the room and telling as many people as possible that this handsome blonde, mop headed Pogue is your boyfriend. While walking around the space you drank a few drinks, teased some people and received many, many looks of judgment. In addition to some cousins of yours commenting things like "I heard he was that crazy guy who shouted a gun at the Boneyard". But you couldn't care less, even more after some doses of alcohol.

"I need to go to the bathroom, stay here, it'll only take a sec." you gave a kiss on JJ's cheek before leaving him near the bar counter.

You were on your way back from the bathrooms when bumped into someone. It was Amber, she is your cousin, but you two didn't always get along. One time when you were 7, she threw your plush turtle in the pool and as revenge you stuck chewing gum in her hair. There was also the time when you were in 8th grade and she told your mom that you and Sarah went to Topper's house at night to drink vodka with powdered juice. Well, after that you have distanced and now when you meet by chance you pretend to like each other.

"I'm sorry!" she said with that annoying voice "Oh my God, Y/n, is that you?"

"Yes, cousin, it's me!" you smiled pretending to be excited.

"Look at you! You mean you have boobs now?" yeah, and my boyfriend loves them! okay, that's what you thought, in fact you just smirked raising eyebrows.

"Yeah, I think so. But you remain the same! Just with a little more chemical in the hair." you teased in the same mocking tone of her.

"Y/n/n, always so funny." she let a fake laugh and looked away "Damn, since when did the waiters from the Cut get so hot?"

You turned around and soon realized that she was talking about JJ, who was still leaning against the counter. As much as you were a little jealous for hearing her call your boyfriend hot right in your face, you were also proud to be able to tell her that he is already yours.

"Oh, actually he's not a waiter, he's my boyfriend." you smiled confident biting your own lip.

"Shit, don't mock me Y/n, you and that guy?" she laughed trying to disguise the wide eyes, Amber always made a point of telling that you were too ugly to get a boyfriend.

"Yep, me and that guy." from a distance JJ realized you were staring and then waved at you, who responded with your most proud smile.

"Ugh, I can't really understand what you and Sarah see in those Pogues, they're disgusting." funny to see how she changed her mind just in a few seconds.

"Let's say they're like that song."

"Song? What song?" she asked confused moving her gaze to you.

"You know, harder, better, faster, stronger, oh and add 'bigger'." you slowly said containing your laughter by biting the inside of your cheek.

She stared at you with a shooked look, and speechless. You must admit that the situation was quite satisfactory, seeing your dear cousin unresponsive on learning that you are not the ugly duckling as she always liked to say. You couldn't help but let out a little laugh, and then you excused yourself to return to your boy's arms.

"Who was that?" he asked when you leaned beside him on the counter.

"It's my cousin Amber, I hate her." he giggled and you fake smiled looking over your shoulder to see the fake blonde girl staring at you two.

"So what were you talking about?" he fixed your hair behind your ear gazing you.

"Nothing much, I was just telling her how is to be dating a 'dirty Pogue'..." you teased bending to whisper on his ear.

"Dirty Pogue, huh? And how is it like?" he frowned with a mischievous smirk.

"Well, it can be so many things, and I would risk to say that "dirty" is one of them." you smiled biting you lower lip with your eyes fixated on his blue ones.

JJ smiled back and moved his gaze to your lips, quickly kissing them and moving his wet lips to your cheeks, until reach the sweet spot behind your ear. Fuck, this is pretty good but let's say that the middle of your family meeting isn't the right place for you guys do it.

"J, stop, not right now." you giggled raising your eyebrows and softly pushing him away.

"Why not?" he pouted with puppy eyes.

"Because all my family is seeing us?" you used an obvious tone, 'cause it was obvious.

"Maybe we could sneak out?" you narrowed your eyes thinking about his proposal.

"Soon, first we'll show that people how we move on the Cut." you answered when heard one of your favorite songs playing outside.

You dragged your boyfriend by the hand until you reach the middle of the dance floor, at first he was kinda shy, but being with you makes him feel more comfortable, and as soon you both were already moving your bodies like no one was around. Laughing, drinking and kissing, you were stealing the show, this until you feel someone tap your shoulder and when you turned, you faced a man who was probably the photographer, since he held a professional camera in his hands.

"Excuse me, are you Y/n Y/l/n?" he asked politely.

"Yes, why?" you frowned holding JJ behind you.

"Oh, they're looking for you to take the annual family picture, can you follow me, please?" he pointed to the entrance hall.

"Ah sure, come on baby." you nodded bringing JJ with you.

When you reached the hall everyone of your family was there posing and waiting for you, soon you found your parents on the left side and before joining them, you stopped to straight your hair and JJ's bow tie. When you had just finished fixing his suit, your dad stopped you by your shoulders.

"Y/n, sweetie, I know JJ is important to you, but I think it's best that he doesn't appear with you in the official photos." you frowned when your dad moved his gaze to the blonde right behind you.

"Wait, what are you talking about?" you snapped with a bit angry tone.

"It's nothing personal, honey, it's just 'cause you know, you’re still young and he’s just your boyfriend, we don’t know if it will last long." your father said making you chuckle shooking your head, that's unbelievable.

"Nothing personal, right? So why can Andrew's girlfriend appear in this stupid picture and JJ cannot?" you stormed pointing to your cousin and his girlfriend already posing to the camera.

"Y/n please, don't make a scene." you dad sighed when noticed that everyone looked at you.

"Is because he's a Pogue, isn't it?" you asked with anger burning your face.

"Y/n it's okay, it's just a photo." JJ tried to calm you down and leave it, but you didn't listen.

"You see, sweetie, it's not a big deal." and you're also sick of your dad pretending that everything is perfect.

"You know what? You guys can keep with this Kook bullshit and take this fucking picture, but I will not be part of it." you said confidently causing JJ to giggle behind you and your father give you a pissed gaze.

"What the hell you think you're doing, young lady?" your dad murmured holding your arm carefully.

"I'm throwing off my chains." you stepped back confronting him.

"Y/n, darling, stop it! You're embarrassing me and your father!" your mom shout out when she noticed that you were about to leave.

"Whatever! I'm already the family’s shame!" you shouted taking a few steps back until reaching JJ, who have a proud look in his face.

"Y/f/n! Come back here! You can't do it!" Y/m/n shouted one more time.

"Yeah, but I'm already doing." with a twist on your own feet you answered back while stealing a drink from the waiter's tray that passed by.

At this time everyone is looking at you with wide eyes, your parents flushing in anger and JJ, oh JJ is paralyzed with a huge smile on his face, he's so proud of seeing his badass girlfriend facing everyone to defend him. This was something you wanted to do a long time ago, and a family meeting seemed like the perfect time for you to throw everything up in the air. And that is what you did.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" you stopped making exaggerated expressions "Auntie Mary! You should find your own husband before give hunches on my boyfriends!" you said with a soft tone pointing to your old single aunt standing a few meters from you.

"Y/d/n, you should fix your daughter!" she yelled angry.

"And Amber!" the fake blonde jumped when she heard her name "Cousin, you should try to hook up with a Pogue anytime, they're so fucking hot!" you smiled biting your tongue and looked to JJ, who let out a big laugh and soon disguised because of your father's gaze to him.

Everyone was staring at you and your parents with jaw dropping, you always showed some personality differences compared to the rest of the family, but no one ever imagined you were that bold. Okay, the drinks helped you do that, but they say that when a person gets drunk is when she shows who she really is. And this is you for real. While hearing comments like "How absurd" or "This is a shame", you poured your entire drink in a single sip and dropped the glass on the floor, hurrying to leave that shit party.

"Come on, blondie, are you with me or what?" you raised your eyebrows calling JJ to follow you. He looked at your parents and they gave a serious look to him. But he didn't care right now.

"Sorry, Mr and Mrs Y/l/n," he laughed stepping backwards "your daughter is crazy!"

He shouted shooking his head and turning around to run towards you. You both laughed and you waited for him to embrace you at the big front door, you explicit kissed and left everyone behind, running hand in hand until you reached the parking lot. Inside of your car you two waited for the laughter to lose their strength to catch your breath.

"Oh my God this was insane!" you smiled heavy breathing and looking at the blonde on your passenger seat.

"My girl is a huge badass!" he pulled you for another kiss, this time it was longer and full of proud and desire.

"Okay, your place or the Chateau?" he said breathlessly, pulling away and looking at you.

"Definitely the Chateau. And hope John B isn't home." you gave a nasty smile and started your car.

You're gonna be dead when you see your parents again, but it's fine, still worth it.

[im-just-trying-to-get-bi]

Charming: Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away, the king and queen were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. And throughout the land, everyone was happy... until the sun went down and they saw that their daughter was cursed with a frightful enchantment that took hold each and every night. Desperate, they sought the help of a fairy godmother who had them lock the young princess away in a tower, there to await the kiss... of the handsome Prince Charming. It was he who would chance the perilous journey through blistering cold and scorching desert traveling for many days and nights, risking life and limb to reach the Dragon's keep. For he was the bravest, and most handsome... in all the land. And it was destiny that his kiss would break the dreaded curse. He alone would climb to the highest room of the tallest tower to enter the princess's chambers, cross the room to her sleeping silhouette, pull back the gossamer curtains to find her-- [gasps] Big Bad Wolf: What? Charming: Princess... Fiona? Big Bad Wolf: No! Charming: Oh, thank heavens. Where is she? Big Bad Wolf: She's on her honeymoon. Charming: Honeymoon? With whom? So she said what's the problem, baby? What's the problem? I don't know Well, maybe I'm in love Think about it every time I think 'bout it Can't stop thinking 'bout it How much longer will it take to cure this? Just to cure it, 'cause I can't ignore it If it's love, love Makes me wanna turn around and face me But I don't know nothing 'bout love Oh, come on, come on - Turn a little faster Come on, come on The world will follow after Come on, come on Everybody's after love So I said I'm a snowball running Running down into this spring that's coming all this love Melting under blue skies belting out sunlight Shimmering love Well, baby, I surrender To the strawberry ice cream Never ever end of all this love Well, I didn't mean to do it But there's no escaping your love These lines of lightning mean we're never alone Never alone, no, no Come on, come on Jump a little higher Come on, come on If you feel a little lighter Come on, come on We were once upon a time in love Hyah! We're accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love I'm in love, I'm in love Accidentally in love I'm in love I'm in love It's so good to be home. Just you and me and... - Two can be as bad as one... - Donkey? Shrek! Fiona! Aren't you two a sight for sore eyes! Give us a hug, Shrek, you old love machine. And look at you, Mrs. Shrek. How 'bout a side of sugar for the steed? Donkey, what are you doing here? Taking care of your love nest for you. Oh, you mean like... sorting the mail and watering the plants? - Yeah, and feeding the fish! - I don't have any fish. You do now. I call that one Shrek and the other Fiona. That Shrek is a rascally devil. Get your... Look at the time. I guess you'd better be going. Don't you want to tell me about your trip? Or how about a game of Parcheesi? Actually, Donkey? Shouldn't you be getting home to Dragon? Oh, yeah, that. I don't know. She's been all moody and stuff lately. I thought I'd move in with you. You know we're always happy to see you, Donkey. But Fiona and I are married now. We need a little time, you know, to be together. Just with each other. Alone. Say no more. You don't have to worry about a thing. I will always be here to make sure nobody bothers you. - Donkey. - Yes, roomie? You're bothering me. Oh, OK. All right, cool. I guess... Me and Pinocchio was going to catch a tournament, anyway, so... Maybe I'll see y'all Sunday for a barbecue or something. He'll be fine. Now, where were we? Oh. I think I remember. - Donkey! I know, I know! Alone! I'm going! I'm going. What do you want me to tell these other guys? Enough, Reggie. "Dearest Princess Fiona. You are hereby summoned to the Kingdom of Far, Far Away for a royal ball in celebration of your marriage at which time the King will bestow his royal blessing... upon you and

your...uh... Prince Charming. Love, the King and Queen of Far, Far Away. aka Mom and Dad." Mom and Dad? - Prince Charming? - Royal ball?! Can I come? - We're not going. - What?! I mean, don't you think they might be a bit... shocked to see you like this? Well, they might be a bit surprised. But they're my parents, Shrek. They love me. And don't worry. They'll love you, too. Yeah, right. Somehow I don't think I'll be welcome at the country club. Stop it. They're not like that. How do you explain Sergeant Pompous and the Fancy Pants Club Band? Oh, come on! You could at least give them a chance. To do what? Sharpen their pitchforks? No! They just want to give you their blessing. Oh, great. Now I need their blessing? If you want to be a part of this family, yes! Who says I want to be part of this family? You did! When you married me! Well, there's some fine print for you! So that's it? You won't come? Trust me. It's a bad idea. We are not going! And that's final! Come on! We don't want to hit traffic! Don't worry! We'll take care of everything. - Hey, wait for me. Oof! Hit it! Move 'em on! Head 'em up! Head 'em up, move 'em on! Head 'em up! Rawhide! Move 'em on! Head 'em up! Move 'em on! Move 'em on! Head 'em up! Rawhide! Ride 'em up! Move 'em on! Head 'em up! Move 'em on! Rawhide! Knock 'em out! Pound 'em dead! Make 'em tea! Buy 'em drinks! Meet their mamas! Milk 'em hard! Rawhide! Yee-haw! - Are we there yet? - No. - Are we there yet? - Not yet. - OK, are we there yet? - No. - Are we there yet? - No! - Are we there yet? - No! - Are we there yet? - No! - Are we there yet?! - We are not! - Are we there yet?! - Yes! - Really?! - No!! - Are we there yet? - That's not funny. That's really immature. - This is why nobody likes ogres. - Your loss! - I'm gonna just stop talking. - Finally! This is taking forever, Shrek. There's no in-flight movie or nothing! The Kingdom of Far, Far Away, Donkey. That's where we're going. Far, far... away! All right, all right, I get it. I'm just so darn bored. Well, find a way to entertain yourself. For five minutes... Could you not be yourself... for five minutes?! Are we there yet?! - Yes! - Oh, finally! Wow! It's going to be champagne wishes and caviar dreams from now on. Hey, good-looking! We'll be back to pick you up later! Gotta make a move to a town that's right for me We are definitely not in the swamp anymore. Halt! Well, I talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, talk about it Hey, everyone, look. Talk about, talk about movin'... Hey, ladies! Nice day for a parade, huh? You working that hat. Swimming pools! Movie stars! Announcing the long-awaited return of the beautiful Princess Fiona and her new husband. Well, this is it. - This is it. - This is it. This is it. Uh... why don't you guys go ahead? I'll park the car. So... you still think this was a good idea? Of course! Look. Mom and Dad look happy to see us. - Who on earth are they? - I think that's our little girl. That's not little! That's a really big problem. Wasn't she supposed to kiss Prince Charming and break the spell? Well, he's no Prince Charming, but they do look... Happy now? We came. We saw them. Now let's go before they light the torches. - They're my parents. - Hello? They locked you in a tower. That was for my own... Good! Here's our chance. Let's go back inside and pretend we're not home. Harold, we have to be... Quick! While they're not looking we can make a run for it. Shrek, stop it! Everything's gonna be... A disaster! There is no way... - You can do this. - I really... - Really... - don't... want... to... be... Here! Mom... Dad... I'd like you to meet my husband... Shrek. Well, um... It's easy to see where Fiona gets her good looks from. - Excuse me. Better out than in, I always say, eh, Fiona? That's good. I guess not. What do you mean, not on the list? Don't tell me you don't know who I am. What do you mean, not on the list? Don't tell me you don't know who I am. What's happening, everybody? Thanks for waiting. - I had the hardest time finding this place. - No! No! Bad donkey! Bad! Down! No, Dad! It's all

right. It's all right. He's with us. - He helped rescue me from the dragon. - That's me: the noble steed. Waiter! How 'bout a bowl for the steed? Oh, boy. - Um, Shrek? - Yeah? Oh, sorry! Great soup, Mrs Q. Mmm! No, no. Darling. Oh! So, Fiona, tell us about where you live. Well... Shrek owns his own land. - Don't you, honey? - Oh, yes! It's in an enchanted forest abundant in squirrels and cute little duckies and... What?! I know you ain't talking about the swamp. An ogre from a swamp. Oh! How original. I suppose that would be a fine place to raise the children. It's a bit early to be thinking about that, isn't it? - indeed. I just started eating. - Harold! - What's that supposed to mean? - Dad. It's great. OK? - For his type. Yes. - My type?! I got to go to the bathroom. - Dinner is served! - Never mind. I can hold it. Bon appetite! Oh, Mexican food! My favorite. Let's not sit here with our tummies rumbling. Everybody, dig in. Don't mind if I do, Lillian. I suppose any grandchildren I could expect from you would be... Ogres. Yes! Not that there's anything wrong with that. Right, Harold? Oh, no! No! Of course, not! That is, assuming you don't eat your own young! Dad! No, we usually prefer the ones who've been locked away in a tower! - Shrek, please! - I only did that because I love her. Aye, day care or dragon-guarded castle. You wouldn't understand. You're not her father. It's so nice to have the family together for dinner. - Harold! - Shrek! - Fiona! - Fiona! - Mom! - Harold... Donkey! Your fallen tears have called to me So, here comes my sweet remedy I know what every princess needs For her to live life happily... Oh, my dear. Oh, look at you. You're all grown up. - Who are you? - Oh, sweet pea! I'm your fairy godmother. - I have a fairy godmother? - Shush, shush. Now, don't worry. I'm here to make it all better. With just a... Wave of my magic wand Your troubles will soon be gone With a flick of the wrist and just a flash You'll land a prince with a ton of cash A high-priced dress made by mice no less Some crystal glass pumps And no more stress Your worries will vanish, your soul will cleanse Confide in your very own furniture friends We'll help you set a new fashion trend - I'll make you fancy, I'll make you great - The kind of girl a prince would date! They'll write your name on the bathroom wall... For a happy ever after, give Fiona a call! A sporty carriage to ride in style, Sexy man boy chauffeur, Kyle Banish your blemishes, tooth decay, Cellulite thighs will fade away And oh, what the hey! Have a bichon fris!' Nip and tuck, here and there to land that prince with the perfect hair Lipstick liners, shadows blush To get that prince with the sexy tush Lucky day, hunk buffet You and your prince take a roll in the hay You can spoon on the moon With the prince to the tune Don't be drab, you'll be fab Your prince will have rock-hard abs Cheese souffle, Valentine's Day Have some chicken fricassee! Nip and tuck, here and there To land that prince with the perfect hair Stop! Look... Thank you very much, Fairy Godmother, but I really don't need all this. - Fine. Be that way. - We didn't like you, anyway. - Fiona? Fiona? Oh! You got a puppy? All I got in my room was shampoo. Oh, uh... Fairy Godmother, furniture... I'd like you to meet my husband, Shrek. Your husband?! What? What did you say? When did this happen? Shrek is the one who rescued me. - But that can't be right. - Oh, great. More relatives! She's just trying to help. Good! She can help us pack. Get your coat, dear. We're leaving. - What?! - I don't want to leave. When did you decide this? - Shortly after arriving. - Look, I'm sorry... No. That's all right. I need to go, anyway. But remember, dear. If you should ever need me... happiness... is just a teardrop away. Thanks, but we've got all the happiness we need. Happy, happy, happy... So I see. Let's go, Kyle. - Very nice, Shrek. - What? I told you coming here was a bad idea. You could've at least tried to get along with my father. I don't think I was going to get Daddy's blessing, even if I did want it. Do you

think it might be nice if somebody asked me what I wanted? Sure. Do you want me to pack for you? You're unbelievable! You're behaving like a... - Go on! Say it! - Like an ogre! Here's a news flash for you! Whether your parents like it or not... I am an ogre! And guess what, Princess? That's not about to change. I've made changes for you, Shrek. Think about that. That's real smooth, Shrek. I'm an ogre! I knew this would happen. You should. You started it. I can hardly believe that, Lillian. He's the ogre. Not me. I think, Harold, you're taking this a little too personally. This is Fiona's choice. But she was supposed to choose the prince we picked for her. I mean, you expect me to give my blessings to this... thing? Fiona does. And she'll never forgive you if you don't. I don't want to lose our daughter again, Harold. Oh, you act as if love is totally predictable. Don't you remember when we were young? We used to walk down by the lily pond and... - they were in bloom... - Our first kiss. It's not the same! I don't think you realize that our daughter has married a monster! Oh, stop being such a drama king. Fine! Pretend there's nothing wrong! La, di, da, di, da! Isn't it all wonderful! I'd like to know how it could get any worse! - Hello, Harold. - What happened? - Nothing, dear! Just the old crusade wound playing up a bit! I'll just stretch it out here for a while. You better get in. We need to talk. Actually, Fairy Godmother, off to bed. Already taken my pills, and they tend to make me a bit drowsy. So, how about... we make this a quick visit. What? Oh, hello. Ha-ha-ha! So, what's new? You remember my son, Prince Charming?! ls that you? My gosh! It's been years. When did you get back? Oh, about five minutes ago, actually. After I endured blistering winds, scorching desert... I climbed to the highest room in the tallest tower... Mommy can handle this. He endures blistering winds and scorching desert! He climbs to the highest bloody room of the tallest bloody tower... And what does he find? Some gender-confused wolf telling him that his princess... is already married. It wasn't my fault. He didn't get there in time. Stop the car! Harold. You force me to do something. I really don't want to do. Where are we? Hi. Welcome to Friar's Fat Boy! May I take your order? My diet is ruined! I hope you're happy. Uh... Okay. Two Renaissance Wraps, no mayo... chili rings... - I'll have the Medieval Meal. - One Medieval Meal, and, Harold... - Curly fries? - No, thank you. - Sourdough soft taco, then? - No, really, I'm fine. Your order, Fairy Godmother. This comes with the Medieval Meal. There you are, dear. We made a deal, Harold. And I assume you don't want me to go back on my part. Indeed not. So, Fiona and Charming will be together. - Yes. - Believe me, Harold. It's what's best. Not only for your daughter... But for your Kingdom. What am I supposed to do about it? Use your imagination. Oh... Come on in, Your Majesty. I like my town With a little drop of poison Nobody knows... Excuse me. Do I know you? No, you must be mistaking me for someone else. Uh... excuse me. I'm looking for the Ugly Stepsister. Ah! There you are. Right. You see, I need to have someone taken care of. - Who's the guy? - Well, he's not a guy, per se. Um... He's an ogre. Hey, buddy, let me clue you in. There's only one fellow who can handle a job like that, and, frankly... he don't like to be disturbed. he don't like to be disturbed. Where could I find him? Hello? Who dares enter my room? Sorry! I hope I'm not interrupting, but I'm told you're the one to talk to about an ogre problem? You are told correct. But for this, I charge a great deal of money. Would... this be enough? You have engaged my valuable services, Your Majesty. Just tell me where I can find this ogre. Everyone says I'm getting down too low Everyone says you've just gotta let it go You just gotta let it go I need some sleep Time to put the old horse down I'm in too deep And the wheels keep spinning round Everyone says you've just gotta let it go Everyone says you've just gotta let it go Dear

Knight, I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. Dear Diary... Sleeping Beauty is having a slumber party tomorrow, but Dad says I can't go. He never lets me out after sunset. Dad says I'm going away for a while. Must be like some finishing school. Mom says that when I'm old enough, my Prince Charming will rescue me from my tower and bring me back to my family, and we'll all live happily ever after. Mrs. Fiona Charming. Mrs. Fiona Charming. Mrs. Fiona Charming. Mrs. Fiona Charming. Sorry. I hope I'm not interrupting anything. No. No. I was just reading a, uh... a scary book. I was hoping you'd let me apologize for my despicable behavior earlier. - Okay... - I don't know what came over me. Do you suppose we could pretend it never happened and start over... - Look, Your Majesty, I just... - Please. Call me. Dad. Dad. We both acted like ogres. Maybe we just need some time to get to know each other? Excellent idea! I was actually hoping you might join me for a morning hunt. A little father-son time? I know it would mean the world to Fiona. Shall we say, Face it, Donkey! We're lost. We can't be lost. We followed the King's instructions exactly. Head to the darkest part of the woods...Past the sinister trees with scary-looking branches.- The bush shaped like Shirley Bassey! - We passed that three times already! You were the one who said not to stop for directions. Oh, great. My one chance to fix things up with Fiona's dad and I end up lost in the woods with you! Don't get huffy! I'm only trying to help. I know! I know. - I'm sorry, all right? - Hey, don't worry about it. I just really need to make things work with this guy. Yeah, sure. Now let's go bond with Daddy. Well, well, well, Donkey. I know it was kind of a tender moment back there, but the purring? What? I ain't purring. Sure. What's next? A hug? Hey, Shrek. Donkeys don't purr. What do you think I am, some kind of a... Ha-ha! Fear me, if you dare! Look! A little cat. - Look out, Shrek! He got a piece! - It's a cat, Donkey. Come here, little kitty, kitty. Come on, little kitty. Come here. Oh! Come here, little kitty. - Whoa! - Hold on, Shrek! I'm coming! - Come on! Get it off! Get it off! Oh, God. Oh... No! - Look out, Shrek! Hold still! - Get it off! Shrek! Hold still! - Did I miss? - No. You got them. Now, ye ogre, pray for mercy from... Puss... In Boots! I'll kill that cat! Ah-ha-ha! Hairball. - Oh! That is nasty! What should we do with him? Take the sword and neuter him. Give him the Bob Barker treatment. Oh, no! Por favor! Please! I implore you! It was nothing personal, Senor. I was doing it only for my family. My mother, she is sick. And my father lives off the garbage! The King offered me much in gold and I have a litter of brothers... Whoa, whoa, whoa! Fiona's father paid you to do this? The rich King? Si. Well, so much for Dad's royal blessing. Don't feel bad. Almost everybody that meets you wants to kill you. Gee, thanks. Maybe Fiona would've been better off if I were some sort of Prince Charming. That's what the King said. Oh, uh... sorry. I thought that question was directed at me. Shrek, Fiona knows you'd do anything for her. Well, it's not like I wouldn't change if I could. I just... I just wish I could make her happy. Hold the phone... Happiness.A tear drop away.Donkey! Think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you! Man, where do I begin? First there was the time that old farmer tried to sell me for some magic beans. Then this fool had a party and he have the guests trying to pin the tail on me. Then they got drunk and start beating me with a stick, going Pinata!! What is a pinata, anyway?! No, Donkey! I need you to cry! Don't go projecting on me. I know you're feeling bad, but you got to... Aaaahhh! You little, hairy, litter-licking sack of... What? Is it on? Is it on? This is Fairy Godmother. I'm either away from my desk or with a client. But if you come by the office, we'll be glad to make you an appointment. Have a happy ever after. Oh... Are you up for a little quest, Donkey? That's more like it! Shrek and Donkey, on

another whirlwind adventure! Ain't no stoppin' us now! Whoo! We're on the move! - Stop, Ogre! I have misjudged you. - Join the club. We've got jackets. On my honor, I am obliged to accompany you until I have saved your life as you have spared me mine. The position of annoying talking animal has already been taken. Let's go, Shrek. Shrek? - Shrek! - Aw, come on, Donkey. Look at him... In his wee little boots. You know, how many cats can wear boots? Honestly. - Let's keep him! - Say what?! Ahh! Listen. He's purring! - Oh, so now it's cute. - Come on, Donkey. Lighten up. Lighten up?! I should lighten up? Look who's telling who to lighten up! Lighten up?! I should lighten up? Look who's telling who to lighten up! Shrek! Shrek? They're both festive, aren't they? What do you think, Harold? Um... Yes, yes. Fine. Fine. Try to at least pretend you're interested in your daughter's wedding ball. Honestly, Lillian, I don't think it matters. How do we know there will even be a ball? Mom. Dad. - Oh, hello, dear. - What's that, Cedric? Right! Coming. Mom, have you seen Shrek? I haven't. You should ask your father. Be sure and use small words, dear. He's a little slow this morning. - Can I help you, Your Majesty? - Ah, yes! Um... Mmm! Exquisite. What do you call this dish? That would be the dog's breakfast, Your Majesty. Ah, yes. Very good, then. Carry on, Cedric. - Dad? Dad, have you seen Shrek? - No, I haven't, dear. I'm sure he just went off to look for a nice... mud hole to cool down in. You know, after your little spat last night. Oh. You heard that, huh? The whole kingdom heard you. I mean, after all, it is in his nature to be... well, a bit of a brute. Him? You know, you didn't exactly roll out the Welcome Wagon. Well, what did you expect? Look at what he's done to you. Shrek loves me for who I am. I would think you'd be happy for me. Darling, I'm just thinking about what's best for you. Maybe you should do the same. No, really? Shh... Oh... Oh, no. That's the old Keebler's place. Let's back away slowly. That's the Fairy Godmother's cottage. She's the largest producer of hexes and potions in the whole kingdom. Then why don't we pop in there for a spell? Ha-ha! Spell! He makes me laugh. Hi. I'm here to see the... The Fairy Godmother. I'm sorry. She is not in. Jerome! Coffee and a Monte Cristo. Now! Yes, Fairy Godmother. Right away. Look, she's not seeing any clients today. OK? That's OK, buddy. We're from the union. The union? We represent the workers in all magical industries, both evil and benign. Oh! Oh, right. Are you feeling at all degraded or oppressed? Uh... a little. We don't even have dental. They don't even have dental. Okay, we'll just have a look around. Oh. By the way. I think it'd be better if the Fairy Godmother didn't know we were here. - Know what I'm saying? Huh? - Huh? Huh? Huh? - Stop it. - Of course. Go right in. A drop of desire. Naughty! A pinch of passion. And just a hint of... lust... Excuse me. Sorry to barge in like this... What in Grimm's name are you doing here? Well, it seems that Fiona's not exactly happy. Oh-ho-ho! And there's some question as to why that is? Well, let's explore that, shall we? Ah. P, P, P... Princess. Cinderella. Here we are. Lived happily ever after.Oh... No ogres! Let's see. Snow White. A handsome prince. Oh, no ogres. Sleeping Beauty. Oh, no ogres! Hansel and Gretel? No! Thumbelina? No. The Golden Bird, the Little Mermaid, Pretty Woman... No, no, no, no, no! You see, ogres don't live happily ever after. All right, look, lady! Don't you point... those dirty green sausages at me! Your Monte Cristo and coffee. Oh! Sorry. Ah... that's okay. We were just leaving. Very sorry to have wasted your time, Miss Godmother. Just... go. Come on, guys. TGlF, eh, buddy? Working hard or hardly working, eh, Mac? Get your fine Corinthian footwear and your cat cheeks out of my face! Man, that stinks! You don't exactly smell like a basket of roses. - Well, one of these has got to help. - I was just concocting this very plan! Already our minds are becoming one. Whoa, whoa. If we need an expert on

licking ourselves, we'll give you a call. Shrek, this is a bad idea. Look. Make yourself useful and go keep watch. Puss, do you think you could get to those on top? No problema, boss. In one of my nine lives, I was the great cat burglar of Santiago de Compostela. Ha-ha-ha-ha! Shrek, are you off your nut? Donkey, keep watch. Keep watch? Yeah, I'll keep watch. I'll watch that wicked witch come and whammy a world of hurt up your backside. I'll laugh, too. I'll be giggling to myself. - What do you see? - Toad Stool Softener? I'm sure a nice BM is the perfect solution for marital problems. - Elfa Seltzer? - Uh-uh. - Hex Lax? - No! Try handsome.Sorry. No handsome. Hey! How about Happily Ever After? Well, what does it do? It says Beauty Divine. In some cultures, donkeys are revered as the wisest of creatures. Especially us talking ones. Donkey! That'll have to do. We've got company. Can we get on with this? Hurry! Nice catch, Donkey! Finally! A good use for your mouth. Come on! You spurn my natural emotions You make me feel like dirt and I'm hurt And if I start a commotion I run the risk of losing you and that's worse Ever fallen in love with someone, ever fallen in love In love with someone, ever fallen in love In love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with Ever fallen in love with someone, ever fallen in love In love with someone, ever fallen in love With someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with Fallen in love with Ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with I don't care whose fault it is. Just get this place cleaned up! And somebody bring me something deep fried and smothered in chocolate! - Mother! - Charming. Sweetheart. This isn't a good time, pumpkin. Mama's working. Whoa, what happened here? - The ogre, that's what! - What? Where is he, Mom? I shall rend his head from his shoulders! I will smite him where he stands! He will rue the very day he stole my kingdom from me! Oh, put it away, Junior! You're still going to be king. We'll just have to come up with something smarter. Pardon. Um... Everything is accounted for, Fairy Godmother, except for one potion. What? Oh... I do believe we can make this work to our advantage. Happily Ever After Potion. Maximum strength. For you and your true love. If one of you drinks this, you both will be fine. Happiness, comfort and beauty divine.- You both will be fine? - I guess it means it'll affect Fiona, too. Hey, man, this don't feel right. My donkey senses are tingling all over. Drop that jug o' voodoo and let's get out of here. It says, Beauty Divine. How bad can it be? See, you're allergic to that stuff. You'll have a reaction. And if you think that I'll be smearing Vapor Rub over your chest, think again! Boss, just in case there is something wrong with the potion... allow me to take the first sip. It would be an honor to lay my life on the line for you. Oh, no, no. I don't think so. If there'll be any animal testing, I'll do it. That's the best friend's job. Now give me that bottle. How do you feel? I don't feel any different. I look any different? You still look like an ass to me. Maybe it doesn't work on donkeys. - Well, here's to us, Fiona. - Shrek? - You drink that, there's no going back. - I know. - No more wallowing in the mud? - I know. - No more itchy butt crack? - I know! - But you love being an ogre! - I know! I know. Shrek, no! Wait! Got to be... I think you grabbed the Farty Ever After potion. Maybe it's a dud. Or maybe Fiona and I were never meant to be. Or maybe Fiona and I were never meant to be. Uh-oh. What did I tell you? I feel something coming on. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die! Oh, sweet sister, mother of mercy. I'm melting! I'm melting! It's just the rain, Donkey. Oh. Don't worry. Things seem bad because it's dark and rainy and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you. It'll be better in the morning. You'll see... The sun'll come out... Tomorrow Bet your bottom... Bet my bottom? I'm coming, Elizabeth! Donkey? Are you all right? - Hey, boss. Let's shave him. - D-Donkey?

There you are! We missed you at dinner. What is it, darling? Dad... I've been thinking about what you said. And I'm going to set things right. Ah! Excellent! That's my girl. It was a mistake to bring Shrek here. I'm going to go out and find him. And then we'll go back to the swamp where we belong. Fiona, please! Let's not be rash, darling. You can't go anywhere right now. Fiona! Look, I told you he was here. Look at him! Quiet. Look at him. Good morning, sleepyhead. Good morning! We love your kitty! Oh... My head... - Here, I fetched a pail of water. Thanks. Uhh! Aahh! Oh... A cute, button nose? Thick, wavy locks? Taut, round buttocks?! I'm... I'm... - Gorgeous! - I'll say. I'm Jill. What's your name? - Um... Shrek. - Shrek? Wow. Are you from Europe? - You're tense. - I want to rub his shoulders. - I got it covered. - I don't have anything to rub. Get in line. Get in line. - Have you seen my donkey? - Who are you calling donkey? - Donkey? You're a... - A stallion, baby! I can whinny. I can count. Look at me, Shrek! I'm trotting! That's some quality potion. What's in that stuff? Oh, don't take the potion, Mr. Boss, it's very bad.Pah! Warning: Side effects may include burning, itching, oozing, weeping. Not intended for heart patients or those with... nervous disorders.I'm trotting, I'm trotting in place! Yeah! What? Senor? To make the effects of this potion permanent, the drinker must obtain his true love's kiss by midnight.Midnight? Why is it always midnight? - Pick me! I'll be your true love! - I'll be your true love. I'll be true... enough. Look, ladies, I already have a true love. Oh... And take it from me, Boss. You are going to have one satisfied Princess. And let's face it. You are a lot easier on the eyes. Inside you're the same old mean, salty... - Easy. - ...cantankerous, foul, angry ogre you always been. And you're still the same annoying donkey. - Yeah. Well... Look out, Princess. Here comes the new me. First things first. - We need to get you out of those clothes. - Ready? - Ready! - Driver, stop! Oh, God! Help me, please! My racing days are over! I'm blind! Tell the truth. Will I ever play the violin again? You poor creature! ls there anything I can do for you? Well, I guess there is one thing. Take off the powdered wig and step away from your drawers. - Not bad. - Not bad at all. Father? ls everything all right, Father? Thank you, gentlemen! Someday, I will repay you. Unless, of course, I can't find you or if I forget. Oh, yeah Turn and face the strange Ch-Ch-Changes Don't wanna be a richer one Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes Turn and face the strange Ch-Ch-Changes Just gonna have to be a different man Time may change me But I can't trace time Halt! Tell Princess Fiona her husband, Sir Shrek, is here to see her. Still don't know what I was looking for And my time was running wild, a million dead-end streets Every time I thought I'd got it made It seemed the taste was not so sweet - Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes Turn and face the strange - Shrek? - Ch-Ch-Changes Don't wanna be a richer one Time may change me But I can't trace time Fiona? Hello, handsome. Shrek! - Princess! - Donkey? Wow! That potion worked on you, too? What potion? Shrek and I took some magic potion. And well... Now, we're sexy! Shrek? For you, baby... I could be. - Yeah, you wish. - Donkey, where is Shrek? He went inside looking for you. Shrek? Fiona! Fiona! You want to dance, pretty boy? Are you going so soon? Don't you want to see your wife? Fiona? Shrek? Aye, Fiona. It is me. What happened to your voice? The potion changed a lot of things, Fiona. But not the way I feel about you. Fiona? - Charming? - Do you think so? Dad. I was so hoping you'd approve. - Um... Who are you? - Mom, it's me, Shrek. I know you never get a second chance at a first impression, but, well, what do you think? Fiona! Fiona! Fiona! - Fiona! - Fiona, Fiona! Ho-ho-ho! Oh, shoot! I don't think they can hear us, pigeon. Don't you think you've already messed her life up enough? I just wanted her to be happy. And now she can be. Oh, sweetheart. She's finally found the prince of her dreams.

But look at me. Look what I've done for her. It's time you stop living in a fairy tale, Shrek. She's a princess, and you're an ogre. That's something no amount of potion will ever change. But... I love her. If you really love her... you'll let her go. Shrek? Senor. What's going on? Where are you going? You wouldn't have had anything to do with this, would you, Harold? People just ain't no good I think that's well understood There you go, boys. Just leave the bottle, Doris. Hey. Why the long face? It was all just a stupid mistake. I never should have rescued her from that tower in the first place. I hate Mondays. I can't believe you'd walk away from the best thing that happened to you. What choice do I have? She loves that pretty boy, Prince Charming. Come on. ls he really that good-looking? Are you kidding? He's gorgeous! He has a face that looks like it was carved by angels. - Oh. He sounds dreamy. - You know... shockingly, this isn't making me feel any better. Look, guys. It's for the best. Mom and Dad approve, and Fiona gets the man she's always dreamed of. Everybody wins. Except for you. I don't get it, Shrek. You love Fiona. Aye. And that's why I have to let her go. Excuse me, is she here? She's, uh... in the back. Oh, hello again. Fairy Godmother. Charming. You'd better have a good reason for dragging us down here, Harold. Well, I'm afraid Fiona isn't really... warming up to Prince Charming. - FYI, not my fault. - No, of course it's not, dear. I mean, how charming can I be when I have to pretend I'm that dreadful ogre? No, no, it's nobody's fault. Perhaps it's best if we just call the whole thing off, okay? - What? - You can't force someone to fall in love! I beg to differ. I do it all the time! Have Fiona drink this and she'll fall in love with the first man she kisses, which will be Charming. - Umm... no. - What did you say? I can't. I won't do it. Oh, yes, you will. lf you remember, I helped you with your happily ever after. And I can take it away just as easily. ls that what you want? ls it? - No. - Good boy. Now, we have to go. I need to do Charming's hair before the ball. He's hopeless. He's all high in the front. He can never get to the back. You need someone to do the back. Oh. Thank you, Mother. Mother? Um... Mary! A talking horse! The ogre! Stop them! Thieves! Bandits! Stop them! The abs are fab and it's gluteus to the maximus here at tonight's Far, Far Away Royal Ball blowout! The coaches are lined up as the cream of the crop pours out of them like Miss Muffet's curds and whey. Everyone who's anyone has turned out to honor Princess Fiona and Prince Shrek. And, oh my, the outfits look gorgeous! Look! Hansel and Gretel! What the heck are the crumbs for? And right behind them, Tom Thumb and Thumbelina! - Oh, aren't they adorable! Here comes Sleeping Beauty! Tired old thing. Who's this? Who's this? Who is this? Oh. It's the one, it's the only... It's the Fairy Godmother! Hello, Far, Far Away! Can I get a whoop whoop? May all your endings be happy and... Well, you know the rest! We'll be right back with the Royal Far, Far Away Ball after these messages. I hate these ball shows. They bore me to tears. Flip over to Wheel Of Torture! I'm not flipping anywhere, sir, until I see Shrek and Fiona. Whizzes on you guys. Hey, mice, pass me a buffalo wing! No, to your left. Your left! - Tonight on Knights... - Now here's a good show! We got a white bronco heading east into the forest. Requesting backup. It's time to teach these madcap mammals their devil may care attitudes just won't fly. Why you grabbing me? Police brutality! I have to talk to Princess Fiona! - We warned you! - Ow! Ow! Did someone let the cat out of the bag? You capitalist pig dogs! - Catnip! - That's not mine. Find Princess Fiona! I'm a donkey! Tell her Shrek... I'm her husband, Shrek! Quick! Rewind it! I'm her husband, Shrek! Ow! Darling? Ah. I thought I might find you here. How about a nice hot cup of tea before the ball? I'm not going. The whole Kingdom's turned out to celebrate your marriage. There's just one problem. That's not my husband. I

mean, look at him. Yes, he is a bit different, but people change for the ones they love. You'd be surprised how much I changed for your mother. Change? He's completely lost his mind! Why not come down to the ball and give him another chance? You might find you like this new Shrek. But it's the old one I fell in love with, Dad. I'd give anything to have him back. Darling. That's mine. Decaf. Otherwise I'm up all night. Thanks. I got to get out of here! I got to get out of here! You can't lock us up like this! Let me go! What about my Miranda rights? You're supposed to say I have the right to remain silent. Nobody said I have the right to remain silent! You have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity. I must hold on before l, too, go totally mad. Shrek? Donkey? Too late. Gingy! Pinocchio! Get us out of here! Oh... Fire in ze hole! Look out below! Quick! Tell a lie! - What should I say? - Anything, but quick! Say something crazy like I'm wearing ladies' underwear!I am wearing ladies' underwear. - Are you? - I most certainly am not! It looks like you most certainly am are! - I am not! - What kind? - It's a thong! - Oww! They're briefs! - Are not. - Are too! - Are not! - Are too! Here we go. Hang tight. Wait, wait, wait! Ow! Ow! Hey, hey, hey! Ow! - Excuse me? - What? Puss! Pardon me, would you mind letting me go? - Sorry, boss. - Quit messing around! We've got to stop that kiss! I thought you was going to let her go. I was, but I can't let them do this to Fiona. Boom! That's what I like to hear. Look who's coming around! It's impossible! We'll never get in. The castle's guarded. There's a moat and everything! Folks, it looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick. - What? - Do you still know the Muffin Man? Well, sure! He's down on Drury Lane. Why? Because we're gonna need flour. Lots and lots of flour. Gingy! Fire up the ovens, Muffin Man! We've got a big order to fill! It's alive! Run, run, run, as fast you can! Go, baby, go! There it is, Mongo! To the castle! No, you great stupid pastry! Come on! Mongo! Down here! Look at the pony! That's right! Follow the pretty pony! Pretty pony wants to play at the castle! Pretty pony. Ladies and gentlemen. Presenting Princess Fiona and her new husband, Prince Shrek. Shrek, what are you doing? I'm just playing the part, Fiona. ls that glitter on your lips? Mm. Cherry flavored. Want to taste? - Ugh! What is with you? - But, Muffin Cake... C Minor, put it in C Minor. Ladies and gentlemen. I'd like to dedicate this song to... Princess Fiona and Prince Shrek. Fiona, my Princess. Will you honor me with a dance? Where have all the good men gone And where are all the gods? Dance! Where's the streetwise Hercules To fight the rising odds? Since when do you dance? Fiona, my dearest,if there's one thing I know, it's that love is full of surprises. Late at night I toss and I turn And I dream of what I need Hit it! I need a hero All right, big fella! Let's crash this party! Man the catapults! Aim! Fire! - Brace yourselves! - Ooh! Purty! Not the gumdrop button! Incoming! Ha-ha! All right! Somewhere after midnight In my wildest fantasy Go, Mongo! Go! Man the cauldrons! After you, Mongo. - That's it! Heave-ho! - Watch out! Shrek! More heat, less foam! Up where the mountains Meet the heavens above Out where the lightning Splits the sea I could swear there is someone Somewhere watching me Heave! Ho! No...! Come on! Look out! - Be good. He needs me! Let me go! Donkey! Puss! Go! Go! Your lady needs you! Go! Today, I repay my debt. Aww... On guard! He's gotta be strong And he's gotta be fast And he's gotta be fresh From the fight - I need a hero - Stop! - Hey, you! Back away from my wife. - Shrek? You couldn't just go back to your swamp and leave well enough alone. - Now! - Pigs und blanket! Pinocchio! Get the wand! I see London! I see France! Whah! I'm a real boy! Ah! Ah! Aaahhh! Catch! Donkey! Oh! I'm a real boy. Aah! Oh! - Ha! - Ah. That's mine! Pray for mercy, from Puss... And Donkey! She's taken the potion! Kiss her now! No! - Hi-ya! - Fiona. - Shrek. Harold! You

were supposed to give her the potion! Well, I guess I gave her the wrong tea. - Mommy! - Mommy? I told you. Ogres don't live happily ever after. Woo! Ha! Oh, Dad! - ls he...? - Yup. He croaked. Harold? Dad? I'd hoped you'd never see me like this. - And he gave you a hard time! - Donkey! No, no, he's right. I'm sorry. To both of you. I only wanted what was best for Fiona. But I can see now... she already has it. Shrek, Fiona... Will you accept an old frog's apologies... and my blessing? Harold? I'm sorry, Lillian. I just wish I could be the man you deserve. You're more that man today than you ever were... warts and all. Boss! The Happily Ever After Potion! Midnight! Fiona. ls this what you want? To be this way forever? - What? - Because if you kiss me now... we can stay like this. You'd do that? - For me? - Yes. I want what any princess wants. To live happily ever after... with the ogre I married. Whatever happens, I must not cry! You cannot make me cry! Whoa! No. No, no. Aaah! Ow. Oh, no. Hey. You still look like a noble steed to me. Now, where were we? Oh! I remember. Hey! Isn't we supposed to be having a fiesta?! Uno, dos, quatro, hit it! Puss and Donkey, y'all... She's into superstitions Black cats and voodoo dolls - Sing it, Puss! - I feel a premonition That girl's gonna make me fall Here we go! She's into new sensations New kicks in the candlelight She's got a new addiction For every day and night She'll make you take your clothes off And go dancing in the rain She'll make you live her crazy life But she'll take away your pain Like a bullet to your brain Upside inside out Living la vida loca Hey gorgeous! Living la vida loca Her lips are devil red And her skin's the color of mocha She will wear you out - Living la vida loca - She livin' it loca! Living la vida loca - Say it one more time now! - Living the vida loca Hey, Donkey, that's Spanish! She'll push and pull you down Living la vida loca She will wear you out Living la vida loca Living la vida loca She'll push and pull you down Living the vida loca Her lips are devil red And her skin's the color of mocha She will wear you out Living la vida loca Living la vida loca Living la vida loca Living la vida loca All by myself All by myself Don't wanna be All by myself anymore... Amigo, we are off to the Kit-Kat Club. Come on, join us. Thanks, compadre. I'm... I'm not in the mood. We will cheer you up! Find you a nice burro! Hey, baby! Hey, that's my girl! Yeah! All right! Baby, where you been? - I'm sorry, too. I should've stayed. But Shrek had this thing he had to do. What? Say it one more time. What you talking about? Are you serious? - Papa! Look at our little mutant babies! I got to get a job. I got to get a job.

Omg

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Savannah

Jac: Are you warm enough? Jac: 🧣🤗🧤🤗🧥 Savannah: No but that's a total secret, okay? I can't cope with the others judging me for trying to look nice Jac: I'll never tell Jac: [subtly getting her a blanket or something though, obviously] Jac: no one can come for your look 😍 Savannah: [you know we're snuggling under this blanket together because shameless excuse to be close af] Savannah: oh I see, you're trying to warm me up by making me 😳 it's fine that can be our secret too Jac: [would be so 😳 forreal] Jac: you can blame the 🔥 Savannah: [putting her head on the bae's shoulder like we're not already close enough and doing a little happy sigh] Savannah: but your compliments deserve full credit, anything else would be unfair Jac: [patting her head under the guise of checking out the boujee hat] Jac: your outfit arguably deserves a higher class of event but I'm still glad you're here Savannah: [doing a hat swap because we do so love sharing clothes with the bae and it's amusing as well as a shameless excuse to check her out like hmm what do we think] Savannah: I'm glad I'm here too Jac: It would be weird if you weren't Jac: I'm as close to you as my siblings now Jac: in a different way, obviously but still Savannah: [swapping the hats back because the bae is serving a look and also then we have to fix her hair and make that a moment™ soz Amelia for this blatant flirting you are witnessing rn] Savannah: I feel so at home here, with you Jac: [when you think the bae is perfect so you can't even pretend to sort her hair, so you end up fussing with your own after her like ugh it's so unruly but we're 🥰 and seriously soz have a more or something] Jac: You are Jac: you're always welcome, even when we're celebrating weird non-holiday holidays Savannah: [just giving her all the compliments out loud because we see that fussy and also we don't care who hears us, again soz Amelia and snuggling again] Savannah: I'd make you the same offer in a heartbeat if I felt welcome at my house Jac: [snuggling her extra hard for a hot sec there] Jac: I know, baby Savannah: [likewise and just burying our face in the bae's shoulder fully because emotions and doing a little sad sigh this time] Jac: [doing something to make her happy, probably posting the picture of her for example] Savannah: [giving her all the compliments again because that is a good picture tbh gal you clearly have skills but then because I'm evil I'm gonna say your bf sees it and so you're texting him forever while he's with his friends doing whatever] Jac: [at least you have an excuse to get up, like your other guests lol] Savannah: [just gotta do something extra as she's getting up like take her hand and make her do a little spin or something cos you're a nerd and we know you care more about this than whatever your bf is saying] Jac: don't faint Savannah: catch me & it won't be an issue Jac: I don't need to tell you it's dangerous to play near or with 🔥 Savannah: [as close to a LOOK as we can get away with] Jac: 😈 Savannah: he wants to see me, like, right now Savannah: but I don't think he's offering a higher class of event Jac: 😏 and obviously, you have to make him sweat it out a bit Jac: right? Savannah: all night at least Jac: Poor Ty Savannah: Do you think I'm being too 😈? Jac: not enough, if anything Savannah: oh really, well I hate that Jac: I'm sure it'll do the job on Ty Jac: but I think you could do better Savannah: of course I could, especially if the alternative means disappointing you Savannah: I don't ever want to Jac: It's very unlikely that you could Savannah: It's impossible, I promise Jac: Don't worry, it wasn't a challenge Savannah: I'm not worried if it is, I'll rise to it for you Jac: 🌠🌠🌠 Jac: I am going to have to challenge my brother not to be that basic white boy who brings out an acoustic 'round the campfire, excuse me 🙄😅 Savannah: 😄 Savannah: as long as Isabelle doesn't decide to sing along, because it'll be a challenge for me to sit through that Jac: 😬 Jac: she ALWAYS gets the words wrong! Jac: I think she might be partially deaf Savannah: you would know Savannah: it's a shame she's HOPELESS at sign language Jac: honestly, she'd need to do some brain training first Jac: bless her Savannah: I'm still waiting for you to teach me, maybe I'll be worse than she is Jac: [gutted you can't say gay things 'cos most people here can understand but you can still come teach her] Savannah: [Amelia do be watching you and she definitely can] Savannah: [Jude would also just be chiming in telling Savannah what she's doing wrong like a blunt bitch so now we're mortified because we have to be good at everything] Jac: [just showing her how to tell Jude to fuck off or something like excuse you] Savannah: [literally never swears because she's that kind of trying to be classy so you've been spared gal but we're not forgetting that you made us look a fool] Jac: She literally couldn't tie her own shoes 'til like last year Jac: I wouldn't spend any energy on her Savannah: it's fine, I'd rather know my mistakes Jac: She knows it's as rude to listen in on a sign conversation as it is a normal one Jac: honestly, I don't know where her manners have gone half the time Savannah: I'll have to get better now so we can have a conversation worth listening in on Jac: I'll show you properly Jac: when we have some privacy Savannah: you can come home with me, we'll have plenty of privacy if we leave here late enough Jac: You're really gonna make him wait then Jac: 😘 Savannah: he'll be too drunk to be any use to me once his friends are done with him Savannah: & anyway, I want to be with you Jac: Good Jac: of course I'll come Savannah: I feel like I haven't even seen you since Ty & I reconciled, I've really missed you Jac: he had a lot he had to make up for Jac: so I've missed you more Savannah: [touching that necklace he gave us without realising we're doing it as we recall that horrible argument] Savannah: I'm all yours now Jac: Good Jac: because we're both going to need really long 🛀 to get the smoke smell out of our hair Savannah: ugh true! I'll wash yours if you wash mine Jac: 100% Jac: and would you ever trust a boy with your hair, no matter how sorry he is Savannah: No way! Savannah: plus he's too tall to fit in the 🛁 with me, even the huge one at my house Savannah: he'd just sulk the entire time Savannah: I'm so sorry I'm taller than the other girl you dated Jac: the basketball boys always go out with tiny girls Jac: it's like their thing Jac: so weird Savannah: right? 🙄 Savannah: it's a totally possessive thing, I'm glad you can't stand over me to feel powerful, excuse me Jac: honestly Jac: people always talk about short guy's complexes but tall lads think they're so superior just for having a few inches, okay we get what you're trying to put out and it ain't cute Savannah: exactly Savannah: & if picking me up & throwing me around is SUCH a turn on for you, work at it 💪🏾 I have to put in effort to look good too Jac: Not about it Savannah: Ty isn't either, he's the gentlest boy in the world Jac: Yeah he is Savannah: maybe too gentle sometimes, but I didn't say so Jac: I get it Jac: you don't have to think he's perfect just because you're going out with him Savannah: he definitely doesn't think I am Jac: he's got no complaints though Savannah: for now, I suppose Jac: he told me, you saw Jac: he thinks you're good, if not perfect Savannah: he doesn't want to lose me Jac: he's not stupid Savannah: ^^ he'll say anything, that's what boys do Jac: yeah Jac: how much they mean is a different story Savannah: my dad's never meant a single word he's said to us Jac: even if he meant it at the time Jac: he didn't stick to his word, and that's what counts Savannah: yes, it is Jac: Ty's dependable Savannah: I'm not though, I'm a wreck Jac: hey Jac: [looks at her and shakes her head like no] Jac: do you want to go inside for a bit? we can be getting more food and drinks or whatever Savannah: okay Jac: [casually run off hand in hand so you can go properly talk about this] Savannah: [soz not soz everyone] Jac: [also said your garden would not be that big so probably gonna need to go upstairs or down so everyone's not just 👀 lol] Savannah: [get in the basement for that parallel] Jac: [sounds creepy but yes lol, go forth for that privacy hens] Savannah: [yet again we're just telling the bae stuff that we haven't told anyone including our bf #bonding] Jac: [we know the fucking vibes, y'all gonna be ages and do not care remotely] Savannah: [gotta fix Savannah's makeup for her to because she'll have done a little cry so that's gay & intimate] Jac: [honestly how this kiss doesn't happen sooner hun] Savannah: [that's the scolding hot tea] Jac: [casual patience of a saint somehow] Savannah: [we both know you're scared to cross that line hens] Jac: [mhmm how you just don't though when the tension is this high and obvious but you know, sort yourselves out] Savannah: [for now though go back outside to find Amelia has left] Jac: how rude Savannah: Do you have any messages from her? Jac: she told them she was feeling sick Jac: but she's not said anything more than that in a message either Savannah: one of her migraines? Jac: probably Jac: smoke can be a trigger, I guess Jac: oh well, I'll message her in the group chat, make sure she's okay Savannah: I hope she got home okay Savannah: it was a bit rude of Is not to go with her & make sure Jac: ^^ I'm like, girl Jac: you've had THREE hot dogs Jac: you could've done without the last one to be a better friend but priorities, I suppose Savannah: ^^ she could've at least come & got us so we could do the right thing if she wasn't going to Jac: Seriously Jac: now I look lowkey bad like thanks 🙄 Savannah: No, it's my fault Savannah: I feel bad, poor Amelia Jac: Oh my God, no, it's so not your fault Savannah: it's okay, I know I'm beyond demanding Jac: You aren't Jac: She just has a headache Jac: you're actually going through it right now Jac: you deserve time to vent Savannah: 😔 Savannah: but I do understand if you're upset with me Jac: I'm not, at all Jac: just at Is a bit for not handling the whole situation properly Savannah: Would you like me to talk to her? Jac: That's fine, we don't need to get into their drama Jac: it's like, not a situation and not going to be one because Is either wants it to be or is literally too ditzy to check in on Amelia herself without being explicitly told Savannah: You're right Savannah: you deserve a good night even if it is a fake holiday Jac: I'm having a good night with you Savannah: Oh please, I can do better Savannah: I've been crying for most of it Savannah: [proves it by doing the most, throwing ourselves into all the activities and thus the bae as well] Savannah: [I like to imagine poor Isabelle trying to get involved & we're just subtly not having it] Jac: [montage time, honestly Is you would've been better to leave too, at least the fam is here so you aren't being totally ignored lol] Savannah: [soz that we're just falling in love here] Jac: [literally can't help it sorry they don't mean the harm they casually do] Savannah: now you're having a good night Jac: an even better one, yeah Savannah: I'll be your 🌠 Savannah: anything you want, all you have to do is whisper it to me & I'll make sure it comes true Jac: Tinkerbell's got nothing on you Savannah: your happiness is so important to me, with or without the 👏🏾 Jac: you know I'd do anything for you too Jac: I feel like I should do more Jac: be better Savannah: you do more for me than anyone else EVER has, if you did more you'd be putting your own mental health & wellbeing at risk for the sake of mine Savannah: I'm not trying to be a drain of you like Is, who literally needs her hand held through every little thing Jac: I know, you're just so good to me Jac: but you're good FOR me too Savannah: I'm not always this selfish, I swear Jac: you're literally the most selfless Jac: all you do is look after Sienna and you're the best friend to me and girlfriend to Ty Jac: it hurts my heart sometimes Jac: I just wanna take care of you and make your life so easy you can thrive and shine Savannah: You're going to make me cry again Savannah: [IRL 🥺 because the bae is so pure & genuinely takes such good care of us] Savannah: I'll survive this & you'll see what I'm actually like without all this drama surrounding me Savannah: I really will be the best friend to you forever Jac: [we're such emotional bitches atm and always tbh hennys] Jac: I know you will, you're already amazing Jac: you're going to be unstoppable Jac: and I'm gonna be right there with you Savannah: [it's the only emotion we can safely express rn because smooching is forbidden] Savannah: I'm totally fine with doing trust falls Savannah: you know I believe in you & our future together Jac: 🌍 sister connection Jac: [because we are all earth signs except Amelia soz gal] Savannah: ^^ yes! Savannah: [take your bae to dance because it's a party and that's the only excuse we need] Jac: [bye at how much of a moment that'd be] Savannah: [literally there's every chance it's the first time they have because her bf would always be there at parties and stuff so I'm deceased] Jac: [we know you'd have no qualms stealing her away but a party with loads of peers is different from how intimate this is, at best everyone has a few friends] Savannah: [exactly that, so glad you don't have to see this Amelia you really would have a headache] Jac: [yeah this would be 💔] Savannah: [thank god we've got Isabelle cockblocking rn because y'all are too in love tbh] Jac: [just joins in 'cos not in love with you and thus oblivious] Savannah: [they'd be so annoyed lol] Jac: [lmao oh isabelle] Savannah: [go get some drinks or something gals and whisper shade to each other about this poor third wheel because any excuse to keep that intimacy going] Jac: [it's a good thing you are lowkey oblivious or you'd be way more upset by it all too] Savannah: [god bless you Isabelle, so soz you get done so dirty] Jac: [in the end you live your best life, just not being friends with this squad lol] Savannah: [the best thing for you is getting new friends my love, but for now I like to imagine she's talking to them about some boy or other, remember those you massive gays] Jac: 😬 him Jac: seriously?!? Savannah: What is she thinking of? & more importantly, what part of her body is leading her in those thoughts Jac: 😷 I can't Jac: so many cold showers necessary for her and honestly just some 🧼 for him Savannah: He asked me out, knowing full well I'm not single or interested, it was horrific Jac: the definition of no shame Savannah: I didn't know what to do Jac: I bet you didn't Jac: the actual nerve Savannah: Not to sound like Amelia, but I genuinely have no understanding of what she approves of or thinks we'll approve of about most of the boys she talks about Jac: Availability? Jac: like, imagine that was all a boy had to say about you Savannah: that's so sad Jac: like if they weren't so gross themselves, I'd feel sorry for them Savannah: I've just decided, I'm going to find her a boyfriend we can all stand to be around, Ty'll know someone Savannah: it'll give you a much needed break from how clingy she is & my heart won't hurt anymore from hearing her talk like this about boys who aren't worthy Jac: Such a nice idea 👼🏾 Jac: does he know anyone that will deal with her though Jac: she's a lot Savannah: It may not be an overnight success but I'll work my 🔮✨ Jac: I believe in nothing harder than I believe in your magic Savannah: I'm your girl too, just like you told Ty, of course you have faith in me & because you do, I feel so capable of anything 🥰 Jac: It had to be said Jac: like we said, the possessive thing, not it Jac: you're you and you're so many things to so many people, and you're especially important to me Jac: if he wants you, he's gotta accept that Savannah: ^^^ Savannah: I love you & you're always going to be part of my life, I hope he is too, obviously but there's none of that uncertainty with you, you are & you will be Jac: Right, romantic relationships are arguably almost always the least secure, that's just realistic Jac: ask any girl who ditches ALL her friends and then gets dumped Savannah: oh god, I could NEVER Savannah: I need you Jac: The concession they must make in their lives, like, who do you talk to about the stuff he has no interest in, who gives you advice from a woman's perspective??? Jac: so toxic Savannah: He & I have very different styles of self care, I'm sorry I simply would not survive Jac: 🏋️ is part of the daily grind, NOT a way to unwind, sorry Ty Savannah: 😄 Savannah: Don't worry, I promise I won't wake you as early tomorrow for our workout Jac: I'm not, I nearly ALWAYS wake up before you Jac: but that's okay, you look adorable and very peaceful 😴😘 Savannah: well it takes me longer to fall asleep Savannah: you look even more adorable & peaceful then 👼🏻☁ Jac: okay, so we're even 😅 Savannah: the universe is keeping everything in balance for us Savannah: I love that Jac: I know, right? Jac: if we had a 👶🏾 or a job share we'd be KILLING it Savannah: 🥺 you're going to have the cutest babies ever! Jac: 🤞 the dad's DNA doesn't screw that up Savannah: No way, we'll find you someone perfect Jac: I have more hope for Uni Savannah: you don't trust my matchmaking skills? Jac: No, no Jac: just the boys you have to choose from here 😬😂 Savannah: 😄You're right, an LDR makes much more sense for you & I wouldn't have to share you as often Savannah: I'll find you a first year uni boy who goes to school with Ty's brother Jac: You think so? Savannah: definitely, he'll fit into your schedule without wanting to become your schedule Savannah: & you may actually be able to have & sustain a proper conversation, depending what he studies Jac: you really do have the best ideas Jac: Obviously down Savannah: [immediately starts sending her pics and profiles because we're extra] Savannah: Let me know who you like & I'll totally make it happen Jac: I'll look properly tonight at yours Jac: [like no, Isabelle, you may not have more than a peep so you're #curious] Savannah: there's no rush, whenever you're ready Jac: 😍😍 Savannah: [snuggling again with our IRL 😍 because we're in love bitch] Savannah: [Savannah is just that touchy feely hoe like soz gal she's gonna just be touching you ALL THE TIME] Jac: [at least you'd have to vaguely get used to it or literally die haha, we know the 😍 are and will be for you but we'll pretend to be into these lads so we can scheme it together] Savannah: [we've since the pics you had a touchy feely vibe with Amelia too, even if it was more like hugs and piggy backs lol you can do this] Jac: [mhmm, arguably you can't but you carry it on for a long time lol]