#YAY MEDS 💊🙏✨

[killemwithkawaii]

Hi guys! As you may have noticed, I've been pretty all over the place lately (which is why posting has been so infrequent), but right now I'm feeling pretty damn good. The last few days have frankly been life-changing for me, and I wanted to make a post commemorating this breakthrough for posterity, and so that I follow through with the plan after this 'ah-ha!' moment passes.

[CW: Mental illness, Kewk overshares, drug use(?)]

Basically, I've been rawdogging life for years and have felt helpless to do anything about it because my symptoms made it seem impossible to take all the needed steps to get help AND do basic life stuff. I thought I could just keep 'dealing with it' because it 'wasn't so bad', or that I could 'get over' my 'personal shortcomings' if I just suck it up and tried a little harder, but in the last few days I was given the opportunity to try some meds I've wanted to try for a while, and I am absolutely blown away by the difference they made in my behavior and thought process. From the outside looking in, I'm sure it didn't seem like I was doing anything special, but to me, it I felt like I had fucking super powers:

In the last two days, I took a shower without needing a nap after, I went grocery shopping and did the dishes when I got home, there were no repetitive negative thoughts constantly distracting me, I was able to pay attention to the videogame my partner was playing for over an hour... Hell, I sat down and did my taxes for the first time in FIVE YEARS, which, once they're processed, will allow me to apply for health insurance, which will allow me to find and see a doctor, which will allow me to get an actual diagnosis for my mental illness that's not just 'idk probably depression' and get a prescription for this medication so I can actually start living my life instead of just dealing with it.

I cannot fully express how relieved I am to know that there's an actual answer, that I don't have to go through these ups and downs and struggle to do basically everything all the time because 'that's just how it is'. I've finally got the ball rolling in the right direction! Now, I just need to follow through and remember that whatever struggle I have to go through in the next few months to get there, it will be worth feeling how I'm feeling right now from then on.

Thank you all for your patience and support, in the past few years and in the future. It means a ton, and I'm grateful y'all stick around through all my personal BS 🤗💖💖💖