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#[IRL partner] said I was acting like I do on my 100% Good Days and hes super happy i found something that will work đŸ„ș
killemwithkawaii · 1 year
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Hi guys! As you may have noticed, I've been pretty all over the place lately (which is why posting has been so infrequent), but right now I'm feeling pretty damn good. The last few days have frankly been life-changing for me, and I wanted to make a post commemorating this breakthrough for posterity, and so that I follow through with the plan after this 'ah-ha!' moment passes.
[CW: Mental illness, Kewk overshares, drug use(?)]
Basically, I've been rawdogging life for years and have felt helpless to do anything about it because my symptoms made it seem impossible to take all the needed steps to get help AND do basic life stuff. I thought I could just keep 'dealing with it' because it 'wasn't so bad', or that I could 'get over' my 'personal shortcomings' if I just suck it up and tried a little harder, but in the last few days I was given the opportunity to try some meds I've wanted to try for a while, and I am absolutely blown away by the difference they made in my behavior and thought process. From the outside looking in, I'm sure it didn't seem like I was doing anything special, but to me, it I felt like I had fucking super powers:
In the last two days, I took a shower without needing a nap after, I went grocery shopping and did the dishes when I got home, there were no repetitive negative thoughts constantly distracting me, I was able to pay attention to the videogame my partner was playing for over an hour... Hell, I sat down and did my taxes for the first time in FIVE YEARS, which, once they're processed, will allow me to apply for health insurance, which will allow me to find and see a doctor, which will allow me to get an actual diagnosis for my mental illness that's not just 'idk probably depression' and get a prescription for this medication so I can actually start living my life instead of just dealing with it.
I cannot fully express how relieved I am to know that there's an actual answer, that I don't have to go through these ups and downs and struggle to do basically everything all the time because 'that's just how it is'. I've finally got the ball rolling in the right direction! Now, I just need to follow through and remember that whatever struggle I have to go through in the next few months to get there, it will be worth feeling how I'm feeling right now from then on.
Thank you all for your patience and support, in the past few years and in the future. It means a ton, and I'm grateful y'all stick around through all my personal BS đŸ€—đŸ’–đŸ’–đŸ’–
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obeymefictionwriting · 3 years
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hello! may I suggest hc's about how the brothers would react to MC telling them they like another brother? :) I'm thinking about it more in a friendly way rather than in a angsty way, like "you're one of my best friends, so can I tell you something?.." and maybe wanting advice on if they should act on their crush, if they think the feelings are reciprocated.. :)
Thank you very much!<3
Ohh that's a cute request and I'm happy to finally be back!
Lucifer
He is the best when it comes to listening to you. He RADIATES comfort and attention.
Oh, you like Beel? That's really cute.
He never really doubted that one day, you'd fall for him.
"You know MC, he is probably the best out of us all. When he loves, it's always from the bottom of his heart".
When you leave his room, he'll send you a long text with all Beel's favorite coffee shops and foods so you can surprise him.
He might also hint Beel to be more attentive, especially around you.
Mammon
He LOVES gossiping so when you say "I need to talk to you about someone", he gets E X C I T E D
Maybe you'll tell him something about Lucifer that he will be able to sell. OR EVEN LORD DIAVOLO
"Huh? You fancy Belphie?"
He is somewhat surprised because he thought you'd pick Lucifer or Satan but he is also happy because he really believes Belphie deserves the world.
"Ya know, he has a thing for humans" *wink wink*
Being a good big brother, he'd go right to Belphie and tell him to never be rude or ignorant towards you. And that he deserves your love.
Levithan
He doesn't really like talking about feelings but he loves helping you out so you can tell him anything.
He was sipping on his boba tea when you told him you like Lucifer and naturally, he choked on his drink.
"Oh wow, I always knew you have great taste but wow".
"You know, I think he likes you too but he is too arrogant to admit it. Try taking initiative, he never experienced that".
Levi will be secretly 110% rooting for you because it's like an anime but IRL!
Satan
You two were shopping for books when you confessed your sympathy for his older brother...
"Are you serious, MC?"
"Out of us all... Mammon??"
I mean, he gets you. Mammon is handsome as hell, funny and protective.
But he is also such a....
Never mind. He looks at your glowing eyes and doesn't dare say a word about Mammon's bad traits.
Instead he sighs and says, "Maybe you'll text him and ask him to join us for dinner? Tell him I'm paying".
Asmodeus
Ultimate gay friend (there, I said it)
Of course, you told him the news while he was doing your hair.
"Ahhhh you like our Satan! How cute is that!"
In fact, Asmo really adores Satan and he adores you so he is so happy about you two becoming a couple!
"Want me to set a perfect date for you two? There is a new cat cafe that opened recently!"
Asmo will be 100% supportive and in case Satan ever decides to ignore you, he will turn his destructive mode on.
Beelzebub
Beel does not really understand complex emotions but he understands that you look different.
"MC, you are too excited. Did anything happen?"
"Oh... Levi, huh? Sudden but great! Levi deserves it".
"He never had a partner, you know... All of us did and he was kind of a loner. Oh wait, Mammon didn't have a relationship too. I forgot".
"MC, don't get offended if he does something wrong. I know he likes you a lot but is too nervous to admit it".
Belphegor
So, you woke him up to tell him something "important". It better be really important.
"You like Asmo, huh?"
"Hey, don't be insecure about it! No, even though he has tons of admirers, he doesn't love anybody except you".
Oops he gave away Asmo's secret.
"How do I know? I know what? I don't understand what you are talking about."
"Go and ask Asmo about it and then wake me up again ONLY after you talk to him".
When you leave, he will get back to sleep, smiling.
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retroaria · 3 years
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Sapnap: Fluff Alphabet
cc!Sapnap x reader
pronouns: gender neutral
warnings: just swearing
here’s my 500 Follower Event ^o^
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A is for Affection (How do they like to show affection?)
sapnap would give you so many compliments omg. he loves making you all smiley and blushy :) he just wants to make sure that you are always aware of the fact that he thinks you’re the most perfect thing to ever exist
B is for Bond (What kind of bond do you guys have? What could your relationship be labeled as?)
the best friend couple!!! sapnap tells you literally everything. any drama going on or any strong emotions he’s feeling, you know about it. most of the time, the second something happens his brain immediately goes “omg i have to tell y/n”. you guys always complain about the same things and get excited over the same things. you are genuinely one of the most important people in his life and he doesn’t know how he’d do it without you.
C is for Comfort (How do they comfort their s/o?)
he will literally drop everything just to hold you and not speak for like hours if you so needed. he strikes me as a naturally comforting person to the people he really cares about so I say he gets an A+ in this department
D is for Dates (What are dates with them like?)
dates with sapnap are either really chill or super fun. he’s the type of guy that would take you to play laser tag or to an arcade or a trampoline park. he’s like a little kid i love sapnap :3
E is for Emotions (How do they express their emotions around you?)
he’s a pretty expressive person when it comes to certain things. at the very least he definitely wears his heart on his sleeve a little so it isn’t hard to tell even if he does try hiding stuff. and like I said he tells you everything.
F is for Fiancé (How long into the relationship before they propose?)
I feel like he’s so young and he really just wouldn’t be thinking about that too seriously for awhile. like he loves you and you guys have talked about having a future together but he isn’t in any rush at all. hell just do it when he feels is the right time not matter how long it takes.
G is for Gentle (Are they gentle?)
it depends on the situation. he’s definitely the type of guy to pick you up from a super comfy position and just body slam you on the bed. but if he can tell you’re not in the mood to play around like that he’ll just sit down and hold you, so yeah he can be gentle. but most of the time be prepared for playful fist fights and getting picked up and thrown every now and then lol.
H is for Hand Holding (How do they like hand holding?)
sapnap always holds your hand. in fact he makes an effort to search for it whenever you aren’t holding hands. and sometimes he’ll even get whiny about it especially with like a lot of people around he’ll be like, “babe, why aren’t you holding my hand :( what if I get lost how are you gonna find me this place is big”
I is for I Love You (Who said “I love you” first?)
he did !! the first time sapnap said “I love you” was probably one of his most confident moments. he was so proud to be able to say it and so sure of himself and his feelings for you.
J is Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)
YES OH MY GOD. he gets super jealous and it’s so easy to tell omg. his attitude starts to get like super bad and he is very clearly annoyed by the situation. he won’t ever be too overbearing about it and if you ever feel like he is once you sit him down and explain that he’ll back off a bit. but he’s still gonna be bothered by it so just always remind him that he love him and no one else.
K is for Kiss (What’s kissing them like?)
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IM ACTUALLY GOING TO BE DESCRIPTIVE SO IM SORRY IF ITS CRINGE. anyways, he’d be a pretty deep kisser but not like full on making out every single time. he just likes to make them last and he isn’t one to just give you random kisses all throughout the day so it always feels special. kissing him makes you feel all warm and happy inside.
L is for Love Language (What’s their love language?)
sapnaps love language is quality time or acts of service!! i’d say mainly quality time. even while long distance he just likes having you on call while he does stuff or even just complaining to you about how tired he is while actively not going to bed so he can keep talking to you lol. he just likes having you around it’s a huge comfort for him. i say acts of service because he would get so giddy and happy anytime you did something special for him. he would show it off and brag about it forever and it would genuinely mean so much to him aahhajdxh i love sapnap
M is for Memories (Their favourite memory with their s/o?)
For your first time seeing each other irl, sapnap flew to where you live and you guys spent a whole week together. his favorite memories are definitely from that first week of seeing each other in person. of course you guys already had an amazing relationship while long distance, but there’s something so different about finally meeting the person you’re with in real life. it felt like he had to start over from scratch and you guys had to get to know each other all over again. also the idea of now having to build a physical bond. it was just such an amazing and beautiful experience. definitely the one that made him realize he really is in love with you.
N is for Nicknames (Their favourite nicknames given and received?)
IM SO BAD AT THINKING OF CUTE NAMES USHSJDH. probably just babe tho lol. for fem!readers, i can totally picture him using princess in a slightly sarcastic tone.
O is for Open (At what point do they start opening up to you about their life and feelings?)
mmm i’d say he actually starts opening up to you pretty early into the relationship. If you guys were like really close friends before hand he’s definitely already opened up to you. He doesn’t really have that many people in his life that he doesn’t trust.
P is for PDA (Are they into PDA?)
not really but he isn’t like super shy about it if that makes sense ??? like he’s 100% fine with hand holding, hugging, and light pecks when saying hello or goodbye.
Q is for Quiz (How much do they remember about you?)
I don’t think he really tries to remember stuff but he just does and he’s always making connections to you and things he sees and stuff it’s so cute :)
R is for Romantic (How romantic are they?)
he tries but he isn’t exactly the most romantic boy. like I said before you guys have a best friend type of connection so when it comes to romance he doesn’t go too above and beyond because he just doesn’t feel like he needs to. but on special occasions he will do something nice for you. He likes taking you out places !!
S is for Security (How protective/possessive are they?)
very much of both. once again, total sapnap vibes. i’d say he’s a lot more possessive than protective. he would never stop you from doing things like going out without him and having guy friends or making flirty jokes. he trusts you so much partly cus he’s a little narcissistic LMAO. but when a serious threat comes about he can get kinda crazy.
T is for Try (How much effort do they put into the relationship?)
GAAAAAA HE PUTS SO MUCH EFFORT IN!! you would probably be like his first ever serious partner so he would try his best at literally everything. in the beginning of the relationship you could totally tell how nervous he was at times but as you guys got more comfortable he just became an effortlessly amazing bf
U is for Uphold (How do they show you they’re proud? What kind of support do they give you?)
he talks about you so muchjahsjxjxh mostly to dream and george or on stream and he brags about you too. he can get pretty cocky about it but his friends can’t get mad because it’s literally adorable how whipped he is.
V is for Vaunt (Do they like to show off?)
YES OF COURSE !!! it’s sapnap guys
come on. literally any little accomplishment you make is turned into a way bigger deal than it should be because of him. he’s so proud of for literally just existing and he talks about all the cool stuff you’ve done all the time
W is for Wild Card (A random fluff headcanon.)
you guys really like going to different food places and eating different items compared to other places. THIS IS SO RANDOM LMAOO but like
sapnap would definitely have fun doing that
X is for X-ray (How well can they read you and your emotions/feelings?)
mmm he can usually tell if you’re acting strange or being distant. he cant always figure out exactly what’s wrong but he knows it’s something and he would confront you about it like almost immediately or whenever he thought would be a good time for you
Y is for Yearning (How much do they miss their s/o when they’re gone?)
he literally talks about you non stop when you’re apart. and when you guys are on the phone he comes up with all these plans for you guys to do when you see each other again and he always wants you to join vc on his streams if you can. in conclusion he misses you like crazy
Z is for Zebra (What kind of pet would they want with their s/o?)
A CAT!! or like a bearded dragon lol.
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IM SO SORRY IVE BEEN GONE FOR LIKE TWO WEEKS HAGSKDHD
school is literally kicking my ass so hard man 😔
i’m gonna try to write more, working on a karlnap weed fic rn too LMAO
I’m taking a major creative writing class rn so between writing for school and writing for tumblr i am so drained but i promise i’ll get back into the swing of things soon :)
love you guys, thank you for everything and stay safe <333
@crackityy @fantasy-innit @joyfullymulti @k-l-a-w-s
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aquagustd · 2 years
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Hey Yus!! I don't think the readers who are rooting for a possible jk x oc are only rooting for him because of the one kiss, at least for me I don't feel that way!! Obviously we remember all the terrible things he's done but then we got to read about the way he acted towards Sora at the party and what their convo hinted at, then him flirting with oc and then the phone call with yoongi and then finally the kiss I think it's only natural for readers who maybe started reading your fic cause their bias is jungkook, to be like hmmm where is this going, maybe he does still love her? And it's not that we've forgiven him for his horrible behaviour but you did write a whole drabble showing how in love and how caring jungkook was with oc, so I think maybe people are just reminiscing and hoping that he could go back to that!! Plus all the theories and fun answers you give it's normal I think for people to start to speculate that him and sora's relationship isn't what it seems (I keep writing sora and it keeps correcting to DORA 💀💀 ) so all of that plus the fact that it's a love (lust?) triangle with no infidelity involved people's natural reaction will be to figure out exactly how it will be a love triangle, starting with questioning jk's shitty behaviour and existing relationship with sora!!
I'm not a writer but i respect the hell out of y'all for doing what you do and I can only imagine it must be frustrating cause you want people to understand but at the same time you as the author can't give anything away because you want your readers to read the story in the order it's intended to be read in!! For me personally, having a bit of longing for oc × jk has nothing to do with devaluing tae’s character or throwing him aside as a good partner for her or disregarding junho's storyline or judging Sora before we even find anything out about her, it's just cause I have a weak ass heart for the members that I love đŸ„ș (and I know hie jk đŸš« not the same as irl jk) but we sort of have to pretend a bit when we're reading a reader x member story, NOT saying jk and hie jk are anything alike but I mean it in a way like our emotions do get involved when we read a fic, probably the same way you feel the emotions when you write!! I don't think it's too unfathomable or shameful (hmm idk if that’s the right word but I’ve seen a few people express that they feel bad for wanting jk and oc to be together) for some readers to be quick to try and see the good in the present day hie jk or maybe even forgive him, it happens in real life too and people don’t always make perfect and logical or even smart judgements when their feelings are involved with another person, people forgive their shitty exes all the time even after they’ve done unforgivable stuff!! Maybe that’s the message you’re trying to give with the story I’m not sure, and we’re not at the end so there’s no way to know except to be patient!! Also đŸ„Ž I feel like someone might call me out for being “too invested” by writing a long ass message like this and ok I might be??? Who knows it’s hard not to be when a story is this good pls forgive me😭 fanfics are 100% an escape for me when life gets stressful I’m sure it’s the same for a lot of others!! Anyway I just wanted to share my feelings on this cause I’ve seen it be a discussion on your page for a while, I hope that’s ok!! You don’t have to post it if you don’t want to!!
Love your writing as usual Yus and omg just saw a notification for the newest chapter so I’m gonna go read it now!!!!đŸƒđŸ»â€â™€ïžđŸ’š
before i start, i didn’t post the new chapter yet 👁 which one are you talking about ??
that was my intention with the flashback drabble !! like i said in the a/n: so the readers can understand what jk’s return means for y/n and junho.
lmao dora 💀 i get what you mean — but what bothers me with jk apologists is that, yeah, i get that we want them to be together at times because they WERE so in love, they have a child together, etc. but still - despite how toxic he’s being - you’re still gonna choose him over taehyung ??
i feel like i repeat myself every week, it’s a bit tiring. and until everyone is on the same wavelength about jungkook, i think i’m gonna have to repeat myself.
i get that it’s all the build up to the kiss, but we’ve got to really think about it for a bit. why was he suddenly being so sweet to oc? bc things weren’t good with sora at the time ? (some men are like this)
yeah i get that everyone makes mistakes - but there’s a whole man out there who’s proven to be a better father, partner compared to jungkook. yet here i am still talking about him. & oc makes mistakes but she’s gonna think logically and at the moment - taehyung occupies her head & heart.
no ofc !! tysm for reading <3
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kristalpepsi · 3 years
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Temptation Stairway Thoughtsℱ + Theory Discussion
TW: blood + Death mentions, Implied (forced/pushed) integration (systems), racism (against asians), unreality stuff bc the show is Like That, Trauma causd by therapy
TL;DR = I mainly talk about implied integration, n as some1 in a system tht! mkes me uncomfy! I mainly will talk abt wht I’m calling the multi-ena theory (n anothr theory ill call the Multiple/Multi-Enaverse Theory) thts been popping up n disccng how thts kind of the bggst thng keepng me on board! I won’t LIE I might b a little biased bc I rlly do like thise show b I am NOT blind so I will try 2 address som things. I also talk alot abt the Shepard n Phindol bc I love themb so much they make me very heart Big.
DISCLAIMERS:
Obviously Joel G Highkey/definitely/most probbly did not intend 4 any of thise, but media is very complic8d so u cn end up accidntlly making problmtc things or implyng not great things
I hav a typing quirkkkk so if u cant understand my post I rlly dont blame u! I’m sorry how I type is Incomprehensibleℱ
Not an angry post, more like my brain is holding me host-ge until i talk abt everyth dskfjhd!!
DO NOT Send anyone in thise post hate or angry asks/messages or perish by my sword
OK so this recnt episde has me w vry vry mixd feelngs!!! I’m both happy n exctd! b litrlly 2 things is whts bothrng me. While I CLD jst say :I Am Lookng Away: i rlly do need 2 write it down. Under a Read-more bc im secure SKSJ
Part 0: I’m uncomfortable help
The Section wher i tlk abt n bring up othr ppl’s concerns
So fr most if nt all the frnds I hav who also wtch Ena ALSO has a vry “vr vry mixd feelngs now tht I’ve seen the episde!!” mood twrds Temptation Stairway! It’s 4 a bunch of rsns, like thise post (tw racism) mde by a frnd whch brings up a good point
Part 1: The Actual Intro
Episode 1 = Auction day (AD) Episode 2 = Extinction Party (EP) Episode 3 = Tempation Stairway (TS)
Who is Ena
Ena can b describd as an "abstract girl split in half, w 1 blue side n the other is her yellow side!" Each side (emotion/mood, 2 b specific) seems 2 hav their own voic actor credited along with seper8 credits 4 each mood! So far the canon sides r Ena (happy), Ena (sad), n Ena (drunk)! They seem 2 act accordingly: Happy acts happy n optimistc, Sad acts sad n especlly depressd, n Drunk acts confused n dizzy [In the Credits, it would look like thise: Ena (happy) by Gabe V., Ena (sad) by Lizzie Freeman, (drunk) Ena by Sam Meza
4 Episodes 1-2, thy follow thise pattern exctly! So we cn expect wht 2 see from them, n each voice actor is creditd accordngly as seper8 b all a part of Ena
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On epside 3, Ena is seen as actng diffrnt!! She's suddnly less predictabl! I say thise bc Suddenly, her voic Actors r not stuck 2 Only their sides. Thise is also emphasized when looking at the credit list! No longer is it "Ena (happy) by Gabe V., Ena (sad) by Lizzie Freeman" it's now jst "ENA by Gabe V. and Lizzie Freeman"
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Happy's voic can sound STRESSED n sad, Happy can tlk w Blue's side in mor control n Sad's voic can sound Really happy n optimistic. Somth's Diffrnt n Not The Same
Temptation Stairway Summary
Skipping 2 my point, The summary of the episode Temptation stairway is tht Moony and Ena have a bet 2 race 2 the Great Runas! The Great Runas, can grnt u any wish accordng 2 Moony n som of those Ena passes by on the wy. The wager, is tht "whoever reaches the top of the Great Runas n makes their wish 1st, has 2 pay the debts of the loser" (yes it’s phrased like that) As Ena journeys thru, The DIFFERENCES between Ena Temptation Stairway and Ena Extinction Party n Below, is mor obvious as the epsde progrsses, even 2 wher Happy's voic actor is the 1 screamng in agony 2 jst get murdered already. The Episode ends w Moony beatng Ena (but it's 100% possibl it can be the other way arnd, that ENA Beat Moony, b thats somth I'll discuss in a bit L8r). Moony splits in half, revealing that according 2 her, "she wished 2 be skinny" n a humanoid coms out of her previous form. As 4 Ena, Her blue side slowly dispprs n its not answrd why.
Theories so far, are:
Moony wished 4 Ena 2 b happy (or 4 her sad/blu side 2 go awy. 4 wht reason can b eithr wholsom or 2 Moony's advntge [like so she "doesnt have 2 deal w Sad Ena"]) - b if Moony wished 4 Ena 2 b happy/b rid of her sad side, tht wld mean perhaps she lied about wishing 2 be skinny (her new humanoid form may be how she is "paying her debt 2 the loser"). Unless the Runas can grant u more than 1 wish.
Ena ws the 1 who wished her blu side awy, whch is a little depressng tbh
If both the above r tru, it may b possibl bc it wsnt clarified (afaik) tht the great runas can only grant ONE person a wish (or more). I think we only get tht implica8ion bc we see 1 (open) door while in the distance, ther r more doors tht look like their eyes r closed. We hav 2 remembr Moony said "whoever makes their wish 1st whch means Ena n Moony can totlly mke wishes @ the sme time
Somhow, turning pure yellow/only happy is how Moony is payng her debt 2 Ena(??) (opposite 2 the 1st theory)
OR If Ena won the race, it can even b possibl 2 consider tht Ena did not make ANY wish, n her debt 2 pay 2 Moony is her sad/blue side removed (I do not subscribe 2 thise) 
This info that was brought up 2 me is high evidenc that Moony won the race, n it explains how Moony surprises Ena whn Ena arrives. “I’m The Best and you’re the worst! I wonder who got the hair chest?” said by Ena, is a direct reference 2 a phrase usd by kids when they lose that goes “First is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the hairy chest.”
“Whoever reaches the top of the Great Runas n makes their wish 1st, has 2 pay the debts of the loser.“ Might be phrased tht way as a weird way 2 pay 4 ur greed? (Last minute addition from me since some people wld think this is quoted wrong in and outside of the youtube comments)
i'm p sure ther may even b mor theories b i dont rmmbr them OOPS
Part 2: The Implied Integration Part AKA: How the System!Ena theory is affected by this episode
TW: Final fusion discussion, medical trauma (Is that the right word)
Disclaimer: This is 100% unintended by Joel G. That’s y the Alternative title 2 thise part is “How the System!Ena theory is affected by this episode”
2 GET IN2 the whole Implied Integr8ion part of my Essayℱ I hav a theory calld system ena or sys!ena! (Check out my #system ena tag. This is in chronologicl order!) While thers no canon explan8ion 4 how Ena herslf is how she is, she mkes very intrstng n almst good accdntl Sys Represent8ion 2 me! They even show cofronting rlly well! I headcanon Ena as a system bc of the accidentl system!rep, but it explains 2 me y n how she switches! she has triggers 4 when she switchs 2 a diffrnt side, etc!
Ther hav been theories about Temptation Stairway in the past (before the episode cme out) wher ppl try 2 explain y the trailer Looks Like Tht. Besides theorizing abt the introduction of a new forme (I'm ok w just calling it Scared/Anxiety 4 now until 4rthr notic), 1 of the theories ive seen is tht Temptation Stairway's new introduced forme is due 2 being something akin 2 being "integr8d" (probably by force, accordin 2 the OP) (in other words, all her sides merge in2 one) n Ena being devast8td abt it
While tht theory is now DEBUNKED, bc the new forme clearly did not come out bc of being One Single Mind now, the "integr8ion" part of tht theory is unfortun8ly a littl tru
What is Integr8ion?
Integr8ion is not inherently a bad thing. In systems, ther are 2 definitions: "the breaking down of barriers 2 form healthy multiplicity, n then healthy communic8ion n less amnesiac barriers" and the othr, n mor FAMOUS definition bc its the oldest 1, is "final fusion"
Fnal Fusion is when all the members "fuse/merge" 2gether until ther is 1 single mind left. While not necssrlly a bad thng, final fusion n ther4 "integr8ion" is a scry thing 4 a lot of systems 2 talk abt, because in the history of Treatment, Final fusion is uslly somthng forcd on2 systems 4 the longest time :^(
Very valid 2 hav final fusion as a goal, b showng it as a desire n end goal is uslly seen as a sad n even scry thing 2 promote accdntly or not in media, bc of the previous traumas in the medicl/therapy world of system treatment etc
What's Worse. is tht if we apply the Ending 2 Temptation Stairway to the System!Ena Theory, thts wht hurts!!!
Scrolling back up 2 the possibl theories of who won the race and wht happened aftr, Either Moony or Ena wishing 4 the blue side/Sad Ena 2 go awy is rlly painful!
B I'll be honest, thts a RLLY biased n personal opinion i hav!! I've seen ppl think its rlly wholsom altho a bit Sad, tht the blue side disappears. I've seen ppl think its rlly sweet esp if it was Moony who mde tht wish
BSCLLY If I were to hold on2 the System!Ena headcanon while watchng the Temptation Stairway episode, its Hurtful, not rlly bc of the implied Integr8ion of Sides, but bc most top theories r that the blue side disappeard on Purpose either from Moony or Ena wishing her away or involvng the debt! It's like asking 4 ur sibling irl 2 Disappear and cease 2 exist. it's scary n rlly sad esp whn the audienc can c tht Sad, Happy, n Drunk cn almst b seen as their own persons n mite even b abl 2 interact w each othr (as seen by the many fanart of Happy n Sad having their own seper8 forms)
  Ok so Now tht ive described my intro n Main Beef w the Episode, here's a theory I cn rlly get behind tht dsnt mke me wnna cry behind a Denny's. Prsnlly it's a rlly relievng theory even if it mite b hard 2 take in
Ther's no name 4 it, som call it the Enaverse, b just so it dsnt get confusd w other definitions (like, u wldnt call it the Marvel Cinematic Universe theory, the MCU is jst wht it is) I'm gnna call it the Multi-Ena theory! Bsclly, there's mor than 1 Ena in thise universe. But I'll get in2 a sub/partner theory tht is also possibl: ther is mor than 1 enaverse n somhow u may or may not b abl 2 travel between them
Part 3: The Multi-Ena theory
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Something interesting I noticed was that the shepherds says “another ENA troublemaker?” Which definitely means more than one ENA/person has been there before.
(I blockd out the rest of the commnt not bc it ws bad, b i wantd 2 focus on this part of the commnt, but thise commnt will come up again L8r)
Not connected 2 System!Ena or the integr8ion issue I mentioned earlier, the multi-ena theory seems 2 b 1 of the top suggstd theories bc of many thngs! Bsclly n in short, thise theory believs tht in the series (or Enaverse), ther is multipl ena's! So fr i havent seen a post tht RLLY went in2 depth on thise so here is my attempt!
Evidence:
(See: above explanation on how the voic actors r credited 4 their roles individlly 2 explain my system!ena theory/intro) In episodes 1-2, Ena's diffrnt emotions/sides r creditd individually! In Temptation Stairway, Gabe n Lizzie Freeman r all creditd undr the sme nme, just as "Ena" (mening thise is a completely different Ena from the past)
Again, as said in my summry 4 Tempt8ion Stairway, thise Ena acts compltly diffrnt n is not follwng the sme "pattern" or rules as Ena did in Episodes 1-2! (Read above in my summary section) Either ther r stuff we've missd between Extinction Party n Temptation Stairway, or thise is a diffrnt Ena entirely.  I'd hav 2 sy prsnlly tht I'm leanng 2wrds the latter bc of how the VA's are crdtd. but if ur not convinced, let me continu:
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When we meet the Shepard in 7:52 of the episode, they say (verbatim) "Arghh... Another ENA trouble maker." which implies there r more than 1 Ena's
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9:08 - 9:19 when Ena jumps in2 the "Holy Code" where we head undrwtr in2 a sea of diffrnt doors, we see floating Ena models (n the comment section seems 2 gravit8 2 callng them "dead bodies") (Honorary mention: You'll notic they glitch in2 Mannequins if u pay attention 2 them). This piec of info is Direct Evidence 2 the multi-ena theory, bc ther r Explicitly mor thn 1 ena's on screen! wht's concernng n unanswrd tho, is y do they glitch in2 mannequins? Does tht mean all the mannequins we sw on screen in the begnng of the video (n onwards) were all previously an Ena? Is it only an Ena tht can transform in2 a mannequin or cn othr chrctrs also become mannequins?
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Not the strongst evidenc b i'll input it anywy: Ena's Action boxes (Like when she receivs or gives items) spell her nme her as ƎNA (with a backwrds E). The thing abt thise 1 is tht we can't compare it with Auction Day n Extinction Part bc they don't have any action boxes. BUT What we CAN compare is how she is spelled in the dialogue boxes of those speakng in diffrnt languages AND in the Credits! In Episodes 1-2, She's Spelled as Ena with this captialis8ion. In Temptation Stairway the dialogue and credits consitntly spell her as ENA in all caps. May or may not allude 2 her being diffrnt, b i will admit this is the most Strechiest piec of evidnc. Tru or not, I'd like 2 refer 2 Tempt8ion Stairway ena as TS!Ena or ƎNA, prsnlly 2 differenti8 her frm the othr episodes
Pronounci8ion: BUT 2 build on the above evidence, In the beginning of the episode, Moony DOES pronounc Ena's name in different wys a lot, startng w I-NA (ai-na), ENA (ehna), n finally JENA. And this isnt new! She’s been doing it sinc Auction Day (ee-nah/ii-na) n Extinction Party (ay-nah). Thise may or my not sggst that perhaps Moony's inconsistancy is bc these othr pronunci8ions or names cld b of other ena's she's met in the past w similr or diffrnt preferences! I’d say because of her constant switchng in the beginning of Temptation Stairway, it would lean 2wards that she may know different Ena’s @ once. Otherwise, c the Multi-Enaverse theory below
Note: Every othr charctr besides Moony (So far; Merci and the Shepard) Pronounces Ena as ehna (or ehna) so it might be that perhaps Eh-na is the universal way of pronouncng Ena?
Conlusions/thghts on this theory: I prsnlly like thise a lot!! It makes Enasonas Very Possible, b also tht any interpret8ion of Ena cn b corrct or possibl! It knda saddens me tho bc im not rlly sure if we'll ever return 2 the Ena we're used 2, I wldnt rlly want 2 b stuck w/o Sad bc I thnk her role is rlly neat n can b importnt, b im biasd. I also rlly subscribe 2 thise theory bc it means whtvr happend 2 TS!Ena ds not hav 2 be permanent in the long run; Again litrlly the only thng keepng me from gettng supr upset abt the ending of Temptation Stairway, is tht the prev ena’s r not the sme n wld possibly not do thise, or tht ther r othr ena’s out ther besides THISE episod 1, who wld nvr do tht, etc
Part 4: The Multiple Enaverses/Multi-Enaverse Theory AKA The Alternative In Defense of Moony Mispronouncing Ena’s name over and over
An alterntve 2 the Multi-Ena theory, is tht there is MORE thn 1 Enaverse! So bsclly, a multiverse theory. Primarily thise my explain Not jst Ena's sudden Shift in how diffrnt she is in thise episode b may also explain how Diffrnt Moony is actng in thise episode 2. While thise isnt the top theory i prsnlly subscribe 2 (sinc ther isnt explicit evidence besides it bein an explan8ion 4 Moony n Ena's weird/diffrnt behavior), it DOES open a lot of doors 2 intrstng things 2 thnk abt!
Bsclly Moony keeps mispronouncing Ena’s name a lot (in Tempation Stairway) n its Really Rude, esp consdrng she’s always said it properly (As in @ least 1nce in an episode n not switchng multiple times) b4! so 2 Explain her Sudden change in behavior, this is actlly a Different Moony, besides a different Ena. this is a whole different universe/timeline!
LIKE If not multiple Ena's, The different Loca8ions in Ena cn probbly b traversible across dimensions! The Holy Code may b the door 2 diffrnt enaverses. The Shepard's garden cld b an interdimensionl place tht is singular n deals w diffrnt beings passing thru! While i dnt hav mch 2 sy on thise, its RLLY Interestng 2 thnk abt
Like the Multi-Ena theory, thise also opens the doors 2 enasonas being vry possibl :^) Som ppl's evidences r all involvng Moony besides how Ena's rlly diffrnt
Moony can skateboard??
Moony's square shape hole can shrink 2 hold an item
while not strong ATM or frm wht i cn see, its still very inch restng!!! Tho I would sy it is VERY on par w the Multi-Ena theory anyway
Part 5: Honorary Mentions: Mini Theories
The Great Runas is actlly a play on the "Run As" Command! I'm not very Smart engh 2 break thise down vry well, b bsclly w all the allusion 2 "codes" n the Blood ID looking like a Chip, The Great Runas being abl 2 grant u wishes makes a lot of sense! This ws brought up 2 me from a friend (@ambercard​)!
like its a command line. so then the great runas being able to grant wishes makes sense if its digital world like all the code stuff says Allows a user to run specific tools and programs with different permissions than the user's current logon provides.
Runas is a command-line tool that is built into Windows Vista. To use runas at the command line, open a command prompt, type runas with the appropriate parameters, and then press ENTER.
In the user interface for Windows Vista, the Run as
 command has been changed to Run as administrator. However, you should rarely have to use the Run as administrator command because Windows Vista will automatically prompt you for an administrator password when it is needed.
and my friend who i was talking to said that probably explains what the password was for and the blood id being a login or something?
its possible using the blood id akin to using the run as administrator command since idk their name but one of the people ena met said the blood id didnt seem like her which is like. if she isnt administrator then it would make sense that using that command wouldnt match who she is
My response:
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man do u realiz Ena uslly does not hav the corrct passwrd/admin privileges all the tme? Bc the guardian entity in extinction party askd her 4 1 b i guess it ws so Low Game tht it wsnt supr necsrry in the end
The Enaverse is all a computer code of some sort- most probbaly a game! AKA: This is a digital world
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... If we were too treat this world as a video game this would make more sense since different play through bus and all that. Oh god this feels like a fnaf situation, taking a video that just wants to be a video and turning it into a big serious thing
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Going with the whole ‘there are multiple enas representing the player’ theory, perhaps this ENA realized that she’s in a video game and isn’t taking it too well? But the game is kind of glitching out because of it.
Honorable Mentions: Random Info + Unanswered Questions
Ena seems self-aware of smth! (10:24 Ena screams "YOU'RE ALL LIVING A LIE!") May help the Run as command idea n the video game/digital reality idea! If not a video gme, they sure r Somewhere
What does the Great Runas look like?? is it the door? is ther mor thn 1 Runas?
What is Mariya n Gabo's Job? R they just like the Guardian Entity in Extinction Party but are assignd 2 this part/location of where they are?
In 6:30, wht does Ulysses mean by "Desires r never fulfilled nor quenched"? "You Will fail like the rest of them" Is he referring 2 the other Ena's that's passed by? who else have come n failed?
This Post Also brings up som good points I hvnt noticd yet!
Thise comment pretty much says everythng:
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Standout things from this animation:
-This Ena switches between a male & female voice at seemingly random instead Happy speaking with a male voice and Sad speaking with a Sad voice. The text boxes noticeably refer to this Ena with a reversed E, and The Shepard says "Another Ena troublemaker", implying that there are multiple Enas. We also see some Ena corpses flickering into the mannequin bodies at one point. Third, at the end we see Ena's sad half turn from blue to yellow over the course of Ena & Moony's conversation. My personal theory is that this Ena is possibly 'broken' in some manner. -Moony either doesn't care or dosen't realize that Ena's voices aren't matching the personalities anymore. -The grey personality appears to come out when Ena gets too stressed out. Notably the transformation involves the happy half turning into static and exploding out, erasing Ena's face in the process. It also appears that some physical trauma (in this case, Brick Frog kicking Ena) is necessary to exit the grey personality, unlike the previously seen 'blackout' personalities which can possibly be switched by the other personality exerting themselves (in the auction episode, Ena enters her sad blackout/depressed personality, then switches to Happy!Ena, who apologizes to Moony about her depressed outburst). -Moony's hole is capable of closing to hold things, and she also knows how to skateboard. -Judging by Ena's reaction, Moony's transformation at the end is weird even by this universe's standards.
aaaand thats all 4 now! I really hope thats all my brain can think of skjsdhfsdfkh
Feel free 2 send me asks abt Ena theories n stuff! While this is a Comprehensiv post, it’s definitely mor focused on the Multi-Ena theory n my thghts on the episode whn it comes 2 how it affects the System Ena theory. I’m open 2 questions!!
Last Edit: Feb 19 2021 (GMT +8)
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shrike-nest · 3 years
Text
D&D Character Ask Post
In Honor of D&D, Here are 100 Questions answered about my character Alistair. Done from a prompt reposted by @mechmech and @scatterpatter , and also gonna tag my DM @aerial-ace97
What Does He Smell like: Ozone, Sandalwood, Pine
Voice: A light baritone, sometimes slipping into a bit of a lit from his native island (similar to a Scottish brogue/Irish lit)
Motivator: Before he met his group? Power and Adrenaline. Now? Redemption.
Most embarrassing memory: (TW: Animal Death) He doesn’t really remember this as he was terribly drunk at the time, but he and his crew stopped in a city that held goats as a sacred animal. With a terribly “bright” idea, he wondered how far a goat could fly? Because goats fly. Throws the goat off of the third floor of a building. Then proceeds to have a not very respectful Coffin Dance-style funeral for said goat.
How does he react to pain: Lots of swearing and anger.
What does he wear: He wears dragon scale armor that has three deep gouges in it from where he was previously killed. A faded and slightly ragged admiral style coat on top, leather breeches, and give this man some high calf pirate boots. He also always wears a green headband to keep his hair back, and occasionally an eyepatch to hide his demonic eye.
Most positive relationship: In terms of character development, it might be Torvid, as Torvid inspires Alistair to be a better moral person. In terms of wholesomeness? His partner/hopefully soon fiancé, Atwater. Atwater was able to show Alistair that he can have positive love in his life, without having to fight so hard for it.
The weirdest thing he has ever eaten: Corren’s cooking
Sleep: He suffers from nightmares and now more recently night terrors. Because he technically doesn’t need to sleep from effects of his class, he often chooses not to. However, when he does sleep, he sleeps hard, snores lightly, and octopus cuddles anything in his bed.
Favorite food/ kinda food: He actually really loves a dish similar to pao de queijo (Brazillian Cheese Bread).
Most insecure about: His ability of being a leader.
Like to wear: He enjoys fairly tight fitting clothing to prevent too much flapping when he flies or moves around quickly.
How do they react to feelings of guilt: Denial and self doubt
React to betrayal: A very quick and violent anger that chills to a long lasting and cold hatred. He doesn’t forgive easily.
Greatest achievement: After being mutinied against by his former crew, being wanted and supported as a leader for his current adventuring party
Too little sleep: Pretty robotic, but he doesn’t get exhausted anymore or feel any physical effects of not getting sleep due to his class.
What are they like drunk: He’s a very cheerful and boisterous drunk. Makes and laughs at many jokes. Can fall into a melancholy pretty easily though if he thinks on certain thoughts too long. Deflects with humor!
Music likes: 80s hair band music, and 70s-80s rock.
Right or left-handed: Right handed
Fears: He’s claustrophobic, but also has a fear of being vulnerable and getting his heart broken again.
Favorite weather: Sunny Day with a slight chill.
Favorite color: He really likes blue.
Collect anything: Well technically he used to collect gold and other high priced artifacts. He doesn’t really collect anything anymore.
Hot or cold weather: This man controls the weather. He enjoys his thermostat of life to be at a nice 70 degrees F.
Eye color: His natural eye color is an emerald green. His left eye is a demon cat eye, with a gold iris and black sclera.
Race/ ethnicity: He’s a human in the world of Sekrezia, but in IRL, he’s probably northern UK.
Hair color: Ginger/Auburn, with some sun-bleached streaks in it.
Happy where they are currently: 
 Well his adopted sister and brother just died in the last game so nah. BUT- as kind of a whole, he’s happy to be where he is now as a person compared to how he used to be.
Morning person: Yup. He tends to wake with the sun if he sleeps, and once he’s awake- he’s awake.
Sunrise or sunset: He loves the sunset. It calms and amazes him that he survived another day.
Messy or organized: He’s messy. Kind of an ADHD procrastination kind of messy.
Pet peeves: Disloyalty, undeserved ego trips, other weather veins that mess with his control of the weather,
Objects of significant importance: O’Malley, his halberd. He earned his weapon when he became a captain, and it has saved his life numerous times after.
Least favorite food: After being stuck in a cave for over a year? Anything with mushrooms.
Least favorite color: He’s not a fan of dark reds or browns. Reminds him too much of dried blood. (oooh edgelord)
Least favorite smell: Cauterized Flesh, Rotting Fish
The last time they cried: Last game. But before that? When he found out that Torvid killed his father. Before before that? When Atwater died. Before before before that? When he woke up alone in the desert after the mutiny.
Were they with anyone when they cried: His party. His party and both sides of the war that was going on. And no one.
One time they got injured: He actually died in a fight with a dragon, not with the dragon, but with a bat crony of the dragon.
Scars: He’s got a scar in the shape of a jagged p on his right cheek, a claw scar from when his eye was gouged out, and he also has the marks from the bat crony when he died. Alistair also has lightning scars on his arms that led to minor nerve damage that occurred when he first was learning how to use his magic.
Mental health issues: ADHD, Depression, Anxiety
Bad habits: Lashing out when he doesn’t know how to process his emotions
Why might someone dislike him: 
 Lemme get the list. So if we ignore the fact that he used to be a feared sky pirate, earning the nickname “Orphaner of the Skies”
 he can be a flippant asshole sometimes. He can often forget to stay in touch and update people on important topics. Also, some may dislike him because he insists on being their dad (*cough* CORREN *cough*)
Why might someone love him: Alistair is very loyal to those he trusts and he can often fall into caretaker type tendencies.
Believe in ghosts: Yeah. He’s seen them and fought them. Also dated one.
Anyone they would trust with their life: Mecha, Corren, Tristan, Atwater, Jerry, Mephistopheles, and Torvid.
Romantically interested in anyone: Atwater!
Dating/ Married: He is currently dating Atwater
Like surprises: Not really
Birthday: His weave day is in Summer, Sibelya 13th.
Celebrate their birthday: He used to. Doesn’t really anymore, mostly because he hasn’t had much reason to celebrate or the time.
Family: His parents are dead, but he still has his adopted aunt Imelda. He also views Tristan as his brother, Corren as his little brother, Mecha as his sister. Atwater is his romantic partner, and he is now the step father of Atwater’s child, Crestwell. He also is the adopted father of Liam (deceased) and Liam’s twin sister, Serana.
Close to their family: Yes
MBTI type: ENTP
Zodiac signs: His Sekrezian Sign is Xamatang, The Coming Storm
Hogwarts house: Gryffindor
Alignment; Chaotic Neutral but he’s steadily making his way towards Chaotic Good
Nightmares: Yes. Often about his ex, Ghost. He also has nightmares about losing those he considers family.
View on death: If it happens, it happens. Once someone is at peace, leave them be.
Something they always laugh at: Seeing his group smile and joke around.
When bored, what do they do: Fly, tinker with magic, practice magic, research magic.
Enjoy the outside: Very much so.
Accent: I can’t replicate it, but I imagine it’s somewhere between a Scottish and Irish accent. However it has faded as he hasn’t been home in a very long time.
Upon seeing a slice of chocolate cake, the first reaction: *Poke it*, *Look at it*, *Look around*
 *Shrug*, My cake now.
If they knew they were going to die what would they do/ say: He would find his party, if he can- gives them hugs, and hopefully be able to die watching the sunset. “Find what makes you happy and hold on to it. You all deserve to have happiness in your lives.”
Feelings about sex: He likes it. He also has a pretty damn high libido.
Sexuality: Bisexual
Squeamish around blood: Somewhat. It makes him uncomfortable now because he’s scared that he likes the sight of it still.
Anything they find gross: Rotting bodies and decaying bodies.
TV trope: Father Figure, Tragic Backstory, Anti-Hero
Enjoy helping people: Yes, he finds it comforting, like a form of redemption.
Allergies: Minor shellfish allergy
Pet: Does Meph count as a pet? I mean, he usually hangs around Alistair as a cat.
Quick to anger: Depends on the situation, but yes.
How patient is he: Not very. He gets very jittery and anxious easily. He’s getting slightly better at that.
Good at cooking: Somewhat, he tends to overdo it on the spice.
Favorite insult:” It’s cute when you try.”
How do they act when happy: The biggest doofiest smile, and he can’t help but laugh occasionally.
What do they do when they learn about others’ fears: He keeps it secret, but tends to go out of his way to help them through it, or help them avoid their fears.
Trustworthy: If you earn his trust, yes. A million times in return.
Do they try to hide their emotions: If it benefits him? Yes. And he’s damn good at it. But if he feels it’s not necessary to do so, his heart is on his sleeve.
Exercise regularly: Yes. His constitution is ridiculous and so he often finds ways to keep up and improve his stamina and strength even further.
Comfortable with the way they look: Yeah. He can get a lil cocky about it. But this is a man who uses bar soap on his hair.
Features they find attractive on others: Eyes and hands.
Personalities they find attractive: He likes those that can keep up with him intellectually, but also on a wittier level as well. He really views self-confidence as attractive.
Do they like sweet foods: Yes.
Age: He just turned 42.
Tall or short: He’s 6’0”
Glasses or contacts: Nah
Consider herself attractive: Yup
Sense of humor: Sexual humor, dad jokes ftw, but can also throw in some dark and self-deprecating humor nowadays.
What mood are they in most often: Most recently, a sort of determined melancholia. But he used to be very self-assured, confident, and flippant.
What angers them: Child abuse, betrayal, hurting those he cares about.
Outlook on life: “Just keep going. Roll with the punches. Because that sun is going to rise again, and you’re going to get to try again, try something new, find something new.”
What makes them sad or depressed: Thinking of those he has lost, thinking of Ghost, falling into his own insecurities.
Greatest weakness: He often jumps into situations without thinking them through. He tends to be very “leap before he looksïżœïżœ
Greatest strength: His determination and resiliency
Something they regret: Losing contact with his crew and Imelda, not being a better leader in his eyes, his past of piracy, and in some ways- all his deals with Mephistopheles, even the one that granted him his magic.
Biggest accomplishment: Isn’t this the same as greatest achievement?
Favorite memory: Sitting by the campfire with his group and all of them laughing, joking, and smiling with each other. With the good ol occasional ribbing at Corren’s expense.
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natsumiheart · 4 years
Note
I just wanna say how tired I am with some oumota shippers and their argument that oumasai is a bad ship cause apparently Shuichi never cared about kokichi and is annoyed with him and that oumota is better cause kokichi "opened up" to kaito like what they both were dying and kokichi had to convince kaito to work with him so he had to tell the truth that he wasn't the mastermind or else they'll die a meaningless death.I just really wanted to say this cause its driving me insane
Anonymous said:
Btw i was the anon that sent that ask ranting about oumota shippers saying oumota is better than oumasai and I just wanna clarify that I don't hate oumota shippers cause I know its their opinion and everyone can ship what they want but i feel like I really needed to tell someone about it cause it has been messing with my head and I don't have any irl friends that like DR and this blog felt the safest to vent to
Oh my goodness I’m so sorry you’re dealing with those people! I have a friend who is actually suffering from the same exact thing. Constant harassment from Ou**ta shippers saying Oumasai is toxic. I’m happy you feel like this is the safest blog to vent to ;; And just to make you feel better, here are a bunch of reasons why YOU’RE 100% RIGHT! and you shouldn’t be attacked or ashamed of how you feel towards that ship and all that hate towards yours. If anyone says Shuichi hated Kokichi and never cared for him just read this post! https://natsumiheart.tumblr.com/post/177427505177/hewwo-what-are-your-opinions-on-the-people-who
Warning: If you like Kaito x Kokichi I recommend you don’t read what’s under the cut, I don’t want to diss anyone’s ship in front of their face. That’s just insensitive, and the last thing I want is to ruin someone’s day. Unless you really want to know why others don’t feel the same as you, then don’t check out this post. Thank you!
Note that while I mention the bunch of reasons why this ship just straight up wouldn’t work out, I’m going to ignore the fact that Kaito acts very homophobic and transphobic in the japanese version of the game. I’ve mentioned it in this blog a bunch of times before, and it’s pretty obvious that everyone ignores his Homophobia so I’m just going to pretend as if he’s not homophobic and break down why exactly this ship wouldn’t work out even without him being homophobic in the first place. But I’m definitely not going to exclude how he acts towards guys in general.
> Kaito treats most guys he meets like trash, unless he respects them. Whenever Kaito finds a guy acting “Weak” he literally looks down on them, even gets frustrated with them. Huge proof is how he treated Shuichi for crying over Kaede, and then later punching Kokichi because he was acting “Weird”. Kaito was a huge fan of Ryoma, but when he saw what he has become, someone who has given up on his future, he started treating him badly, and after Ryoma was dead he even talked badly on him calling him “Weak.” and a “Sissy.” Not being able to understand the pain Ryoma was going through or how things were for him. He also got creeped out by Korekiyo for acting like a girl before he even revealed that he was “posessed” by his sister. Aren’t all those moments in the game enough proof that Kaito just straight up doesn’t like guys at all in that way? Then how could he *love* a guy, and Kokichi of all people. Heck, Gonta x Kaito make more sense than Kaito x Kokichi, even though he yelled at Gonta once for crying and being too weak for a man.
It’s shown multiple times in the game that Kaito treats guys like trash, and he treats Kokichi the worst of all.
Note: I do think Kaito can change the way he acts towards guys, but I don’t he will ever love one romantically.
> I think we can all agree that Kokichi is really hard to deal with sometimes. He distances himself so much from everyone as much as he could, and he won’t back down that easily even if it meant hurting others’ feelings. He keeps lying constantly so no one can figure him out or get close to him. We don’t exactly know the reason why, but he has major trust issues and it shows.That is the reason why for us, seeing Shuichi listed under “Trustworthy” was a big deal. (But I’m not going to dive deep into that since I already did multiple times in this blog.) My point here is that Kokichi needs someone with patience, someone who could understand him a bit and why he does what he does. Someone to decipher his actions and break down his walls, but isn’t afraid to sometimes step his foot down and tell him that his actions are wrong and he’s harming others as well as himself. Kaito on the other hand grows frustrated with guys so quickly, he doesn’t listen to their reasoning before heading in for physical violence. THAT is exactly the opposite of what Kokichi needs! And I still don’t understand how others can’t see it! When Kaito punched Kokichi in chapter 4, he was already in so much despair over seeing the secret of the outside world and that punch made it worse. To the point he stayed silent then locked himself in his room. How in the world do people actually see this ship as better than oumasai? I don’t get it.
Kokichi shouldn’t be with someone that will treat him like trash, and physically (if not also emotionally) harm him for how he’s acting.
> Opposites sometimes attract, but POLAR opposites do not. and I’m talking from personal experience here, two people who are different in so many ways (ESPECIALLY THEIR WAY OF THINKING) will end up fighting 24/7. It was shown again and again in the game that Kokichi and Kaito do not get along thanks to how different their approach is to things and their seemingly different upbringings. Ships between two characters who fight a lot just make me so uncomfortable and disturbed, because I know how these relationships actually end up in real life. Fights do happen in relationships sometimes, it’s even needed to strengthen the relationship, to realise that no matter what happens you STILL love your partner, but when you fight every single time you talk? That’s a bad sign! 
Fighting is NOT romantic and it never will be! And when it has physical violence mixed in? My god. Please do yourself a favor and break up with your partner if they keep hitting you.
> Kaito doesn’t ever side with Kokichi:
He literally said in chapter 4 “I don’t wanna survive it means I have to stoop to your level!” and Kokichi said “Then die in a hole for all I care! WE wanna LIVE, so stop getting in our way!”. Kaito will never be on Kokichi’s side, Even if it meant his death and the deaths of all his friends.
When Kaito realised that maybe watching all the motive videos together would’ve prevented a murder from happening Shuichi is the one that points out that it was what Kokichi was trying to do. But then Kaito is like “Huh, really?” Then brushes it off. Because of course, of course Kokichi wants murders to continue. Right?
Even after Kokichi spilled everything to him because he was literally about to die and really wanted Kaito to go along with his plan and believe him. Kaito still stated that he still thought he only thought of himself. Even after Kokichi sacrificed himself to save HIM from the poison and MAKI from being his murderer. He still hated him and didn’t believe him. The only reason Kaito went along with his plan was because he was about to die anyway, he was running out of time and he needed to get out even if it meant following Kokichi’s plan and killing him in the process.
When two people actually love each other they have each others backs. But with these two, they never will.
> I don’t believe Kokichi hated Kaito. But he literally thinks he is stupid and is a bad influence on everyone. These two have a relationship of two siblings that can’t stand each other. I always see myself and my brother in them, which is another reason why their ship makes me beyond uncomfortable. My brother puts his trust in people way too easily, and believes whatever tf his brain comes up with because y’know it’s him and “he’s always right”. He would never take a second to think that maybe he’s wrong, just like Kaito and his hunch. I on the other hand find him incredibly stupid, we argue a lot because our way of thinking and our beliefs are very different, we even used to hit each other a lot. We never really got along. And the way Kokichi and Kaito act around each other really reminded me of it, but you don’t know me and you don’t know my brother so why should you take my word for it? An example I like to use when trying to explain this point to others is the relationship between Stanley and Stanford in Gravity Falls, those two fought a lot in the show but in the last episode they had to work together on a plan despite their differences. Doesn’t it remind you of a certain story that happened in the game? Kokichi and Kaito’s relationship resembles theirs so much it’s insane. 
I feel like the game tried to show us how these two are more like siblings but on bad terms, even giving them similar hair and eye colors. But that flew straight over every rivalry shipper’s head.
These are some of the reasons why Ou**ta wouldn’t work out and can’t even be a thing in the first place, I said it before and I’ll say it again: I could write a book about this topic. But I’m kinda busy today and I have to leave the house soon- I hope you’re convinced that you are actually right. (I’ve been told countless times that I’m wrong leading me to question myself, so I wanted to help out by reassuring you that your feelings are valid and you’re not wrong in this situation at all) Saying Oumasai is toxic for one line Shuichi said while he was angry and defending his friend, while shipping Ou**ta and ignoring all this stuff is like the most hypocritical thing anyone can say. 
And yeah, people should ship whatever they want. Lots of people ignore characters’ feelings and ship the crackiest of ships, making very OOC art and fanfiction. And they can do that! But they can’t go around dissing people for their ship while supporting an obviously flawed one. Honestly you shouldn’t attack people for their ships in the first place, no matter what YOU ship. Just stay in your own bubble and stay away from the ships you dislike. It’s not that hard!
If you’re an Ou**ta fan reading this, I just want to say thank you for reading this far, and I’m really not saying you should stop supporting your ship. I’m just explaining why we feel this way towards it and the evidence we have behind it. If you’re one of the people who go around attacking shippers while boasting your ship. Please stop? Seriously, stop giving a shit about other people’s opinions and life will suddenly become much easier.
I’d like to clarify: If anyone responds to this post telling me I’m wrong, I’m not responding. My blog is for me to post art, sometimes funny stuff to make people’s days, interact with my followers and draw their requests, or ranting about topics I’m passionate about (Mostly DR). I do not want it to be a place for ship discourse, so if I get disagreeing replies or asks I’m going to ignore them like I always do whenever I post these rant type blogs. I hope you understand.
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findingoblivion · 6 years
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My first GF was named Laura.
We were friends and one day i think she just said she wanted a gf and I asked if she wanted to be my gf and then I just. I don’t remember but she said yeah i’ll be your gf. She was always really busy cause she was a hardworker. It was long distance too, she lived in texas.
She was going to school for engineering. She was really pretty but a lot younger than me. Eventually I guess she moved on cause she stopped talking to me and responding to me so i gave up. I dont think i had her on anywhere but tumblr. 
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My second girlfriend was named Sicilia. I met her through one of our friends stream. I didn’t know much about her but I flirted with her a lot. She was sassy and nice and I liked her wit. Eventually I wanted to be in a relationship. One night I spent a long time just sending her pickup lines that were sweet and telling her how cute i thought she was and how much i loved her. She said that no one had ever said anything like that to her. She was trying to get over her ex I think. She had a child named Lilith. I loved her so much. I just wanted to show her that someone cared about her you know. She was really cute. She’s one of the people i think about a lot. Because we never really broke up, She just ghosted and ignored me. Because there was streamer drama. The streamer we met while watching basically said that I had stolen money in order to donate to her (and others). And i mean, I had had some money loaned to me. And I hadn’t paid it back. So it was my fault too. But i Just regret that so much. Because I often feel like for what ever reason she was my soul mate. Like yeah i fucked up but one day I just woke up and that time period of my life was just over. I spent 2 years and donated like $3000 to a couple of different streamers when it came out that I had had money loaned to me and I hadn’t paid it back I was banned from all of the streams that I had frequented. I hate myself so much for doing that. I think about how i could have had such a good life if I hadn’t fucked that up. And like I can’t blame anyone. It might have been a bit harsh but I deserved it. I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up. ANd i can’t change the past but she was the first person i ever actually felt cared about me. God. Like that’s pathetic but you know what I’ve done IRL? Absolutely nothing. I’ve never kissed a girl. I’ve never held hands. I’ve never asked a girl out. or had someone ask me out.
She was my longest relationship too. We were together for almost 2 years. And like I wasn’t perfect and neithere was he but I wanted to make it work so badly. I wloved her so much and i sworte that i would never make those mistakes agin. and i’m way more careful about stuff now.
I have to always keep it in my mind. And I would never act like id o if i was in a relationship. I would never want to un in tentionally hurt my partner like that. I hate that I did that. I flirted with other people while we were in ar elationship and even though it didnt mean anything i still hatem yself. because i caused her pain. and i would rather kill myself than cause someone i love so much any kind of pain.
I can’t articulate how much I sitll love her. I love her so much. I started watching her streams again and it fucking just destroys me because i wish i could ever make and have that connection with her again abut i can’t. But it’s not like anyone involved was a bad person either. Like I support them 100%. Even though it makes me want to kill myself that i’ll never experience that again no matter how hard i try. I feel so hopeless. Because i can’t even get over her. I can’t get over any of my exes but especially her. I wanted to be a part of her life. Even with her child. Fuck my life so much. I could talk about her forever. I wrote all of my poetry for her. I’ve posted it here before but she meant so much to me. I hadso many feelings about her.
But i can’t just fix things. I can;t just say sorry. I said sorry so many times but it dioesnt matter. I fucke up. i fucked up. i fucked up.I’ll never be able to go back but I would give anything to do so. I mean she seem okay. She seems happy. But I can’t make her any happier. I can’t help her any more. I can’t get over that. I never will be able too, probably.
I cried so much while i wrote that. I try not think about her or any other of my exes but my heart has a gaping hole that I can’t do anything about.
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My 3rd GF was named Jess. Jess was often depressed and sad and probably more so than the other people i had dated, the other people i dated weren’t perfect by any means but they all dealt with things okay. Jess was a bit different I guess. I had flirted with her in my last relationship and she was one of my best friends because we also met through one of my favorite streamers of all time, someone who inspired me SO much. Probably the biggest ( at the time ) streamers at the time who was also trans - but she had actually accomplished or at least mostly accomplished her goals as a trans person and had done all that while streaming and even while she was on LCS shse manged to be pretty good. She’d always been an inspiration to me and I was so happy to be made a mod of her channel at one point. Things were so different back then. Discord wasn’t even a thing. Jess was one of the people in her stream i had met who was always in chat. At first I didn’t even know she was trans.She was seriously so pretty and she passed well no one ever knew she was trans unless she told them. She was so pure and good (or at least pretended to be) and she was the one who got me into pet play and bdsm. She was sad often but I really wanted to see her happy. I would do anything to see her be happy. She was often super depressed and she wasn’;t perfect but she reciprocated my emotions so well...she was lewd and i was always nervous and anxious but i had a lot of fun teasing her...i know i couldn’t help her entirely get better and i kne wthat wasn’t my job but i truly would have given up everything for her to be happy. 
Eventually the same thing happened like always. She said I deserved someone who could be there for me. She said I deserved some one who was more stable. Right after she sent were in call together and being lewd together (like really lewd) she stopped responding to me. I wanted to help her so much. I still want to help her. I would give up my life for any of the people i’ve dated but hser especially because I know she desereved SO MUCH better. Like I know she wasn’t perfecct but no one ever is. She gave me hope for the future when i could move to florida and be with her but now that will never happen. And like it’s not like she hates me. It’s not like she doesn’t like me. She just can’t deal with the anxiety and she thinks I de serve better. But I don’t deserve better. I have so many of my own problems/ Even back then when I was doing a lot better I had a lot of problems. I just didn’t really talk about them. Because I don’t really know how and i’ve only ever really talke d about my feelings with like MAYBE two people. Arguably. My deepest darkest feelings are always locked up. And i dont know if that’s a good thing or not. I feel like a burdne if i talk about my feelings if someone else is obviously doing better than me and i don;t know how to talk about my feelings either. I’ve never had anyone who’s cared about me like I care about them. I know I care too much. Especially about random strangers on the internest. But that’s just how I am. I want to be caring. I want to help people. And I don’t really care if I get anything in return. It’s not about that. I also don’t think I really deserve to get anything back (because the only reason i’m alive right now is that i decieded to live for other people when i was a kid but that’s a different story). But anyways I loved her so much (like always) and I wish we could still at least be friends.
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My 4th GF was named Ruby. She was a lot like Jess although it didn’t start out that way. She was always depressed I think but she was a sub/bottom like Jess. And we definitely got into that. I mean she always said she was a top but I made her into my bottom. And it was a lot of fun for her. I was sad too sometimes but talking with her, she was so cute. And we had so much fun together. Sometime si still hold out hope that we can be together. A lot of things have changed though. At one point she wanted to be with someone else because she’s polyamorous. But i leearned a lot about myself that night. Because I realized I can’t deal with someone not giving me all of their attention. I don’t know if I’d call it jealousy because if you’re not mine i don’t care who you’re with but. If you are mine then I want to give EVERYTHING to you. And in return I want you to givem e EVERYTHING. I can’t hold anything back. And I can’t expect you to do the same. That’s just how I am I guess. how i’m wired. Everything was fine until she asked me if i was into polyamory and then said she had found someone she wanted to be with. And it’s not her fault. She really is an angel and I support her so much. But I can’t deal with that. After my last couple of relationships i can’t deal with what feels like someone choosing someone else over me. I can’t deal with that. I can’t. I’me already destroyed. But i still have some love left. I still have some hope. There’s only ebeen really two times in my life ( and i’ve gone through some big ass shit even before i started getting into relationships) wher I had no hope. Once was after Sicilia broke up with me. Or stopped responding. Whatever you wanna say. That was probably the saddest I’ve ever been. To have that, to have a relationship, and to have it taken away. With no warning or anything, and because of circumstances that had nothing to with her. The other  time was after Ruby said she wanted to be friends/gf with me but she wanted to be paige’s gf too. I never said any of this to her but it crushed me so fucking hard. They aren’t together any more and we’re still friends. It took a lot for me to start talkign with her again and i’m glad i did too but things will never be the same between us. I wish i could just let go of things and be happy with her or anyone else but i can’t. If i’m in a relationship it has to be 100%. I can’t accept anything less. I just can’t. I really wish I could though because I want to be happy. I want so badly to not worry about things. There’s relationships I could be in. There’s people that I love SO SO Much. But I can’t bring myself to try and take the next xstep with them any more because i don’t want to loset them anymore. It’s not alla baout me . I want to supprot them. I want to see them happy. And I can’t support them if they aren’t my friends. I would rather suffer through loneliness than ruin something again. I guess that’s just how it is.
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My 5th girlfriend was named Maddy. I guess we haven’t really made anything official but we might as well. I care about her so much. She’s trans like me (a common theme given that 3/5 have been trans) and she’s pretty early in her transitioning but I still find her cute. Actually we met through Jess’s stream. I don’t know if she was ever a viewer but she said she wanted me to mod her stream and said she would send me thigh high pics if i did lmao. Looking back she was so innocent and cute. We’re still really close. And although we kind of took a break and didn’t talk for a long time I still love her. We haven’t really talked about anything much, although I’ve said hints (yeah i fall in love instantly and then I talk about wanting to move to where you live like a fucking dumbass) but we have definitely done lewd stuff I guess. Sometimes I worry about her and she has some problems like any trans person does - and she’s definitely not perfect and sometimes i think and wonder if ican actually overlook what she says/does because it can be pretty bad sometimes. But I dont want to los eher either. My friends probably wouldn’t like her mucvh cause she can be a bit much but ultimately she’s my friend before anything and i’ll always support her if ican. I just want someone to give me affection and someone i can give affection too. She’s cute and we watch anime al ot lately. It’s really nice. It’s nice ot just. Chill like that. And not worry about anything. Maybe i just get attached too much and that’s probably true but when i care about someone ican’t just turn it off. It’s too hard for me.
We’re still friends even though we’re not official. Nothing bad has really happened either. But I have a hard time imagining a life with her I guess. I want to believe that she only behaved a certain way because of who shes surrounded by. cause she never acats that way with me. And we’re definitely pretty close. It’s ironic that i’ve still never revealed my deepest thoughts to most of these people. But whatever I guess.
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I think that pretty much details all the ~mostly~ official relationships i’ve had. I cried a lot about stuff while i wrote this post and i’ll probably regret it tomorrow but whatever. I have definitely had more crushes on people. Some of my best friends I st arted off having crushes on. And my biggest crush is still one of my bff’s that I watch anime with every day. I’m just so scared that things will change if i make a move. I want SO BADLY to give myself entirely over but that’s never worked out before so i try to move slowly even though i’ve done a lot of romantic shit. I love her more than I have loved a lot of different people and even though it’s long distance I wanna make her happy and feel loved too. So i just. Supress my feelings and hope that maybe one day she’ll feel the same about me. It doesn’t matter how mlong it takes. I don’t really care about anything like that. And I ESPECIALLY don’t care how you feel and if you’re sad and imperfect and if you don’t feel like you deserfve to be loved. I feel the same way a lot but there’s nothing better to me than convicing someone that they do deserve to be loved and that I LOVE THEM. I’ve never dated anyone with like no problems even though she’s probably the closest. Although maybe she just hides everything like me and sometimes I feel the same. I don’t know. I’m gay and I flirt with like 30 fucking different people at a time. Because I need attention and I need to constantly feel like someone loves me. Like purely. Sometimes i’m a slut for attention and I fully know that. But I don’ really know what to do because i want attention from specific poeple lol. Flirting has always been my way to make frienships.s Even back when I was like 12 or whatever on the internet and rp’ing for the first time that was aways how i made my friends. Who I talked to every day.
I miss a lot of those peopel cause I lost my email for rp stuff back when it was comprimsed and MSN was still a thing. I wish i could reconnect sometimes. And I’m not going to lie when I was dating that Sicilia that was without a doubt the best time of my life. I had a fully supportive community with lots of my friend and I had a lot of fun every night. I was able to be supportive of someone and love them so much. I was able to just put all my feelings out there. And they were all true. I never lied and I never will. But feelings are hard. And it’s even harder right now because I don’t want to hurt anyone and I don’t want to hurt myself but I don’t really d eserve to be happy after what i’ve done. And all the chances I’ve had and fucked up. I swore I would be happy if I could make oither people happy. Because for like nearly 18 years of my life I was never happy. And evnetually I started being able to make people happy. And admittedly a lot of that is through money and donations but it doesn’t matter I don’t think it’s any less than anything else because in this shit tier world I think people need a lo tof money. Myself included. And It’s not like I have expenses or anything right now really. If I did maybe it’d be a different bit bu tI don’t I pay like $100 in rent and I thank myself every day that I can afford to do that. And donate to people, And buy them things and make them haappy. But I have a lot of hubris too, Ican’t just be happy with that. I want someone to love me. i want to love someone. I want someone i can love so much and tell them everything and trust them again and give all my feelings. Even when I cry for like 3 hours straight like tonight. I don’t know if I have anyone llike that that makes me feel special that I can feel special towards but I hope one day I do. I hope one day I can be happy. I have a lot of problems myself since I’m trans and Old as fuck but I hpe one day I can have a good life. I hope one day that’s the case. Cause i often feel like I’ve accomplished a lot with how i’ve helped my friends get into better situations through donations and sdupport and if i didn’t have any hope left I would just KMS. But I do. So i guess i’m stuck in this hell for now. Hopefully it’ll be worth it some day. That’s what I hope for. And I hope that all my friends are happy too. I hope that a lot of things for us come true. And I think that’s humanities greatest asset. Hope. Because that’s the one thing it takes nothing to have and the one thing causes you to stick around. And the one thing that has driven humanity to where we are right now, where we have a pretty good life all things considered. So i hope one day i cna experience something like that again.
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astrolliegy · 6 years
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all the gay asks if youre feeling frisky
1. ideal date: tbh a date in general would 🐝 lovely but i think just chilling and watching movies and eating popcorn,,, no pressure to ‘look good’ (in quotes because all girls look pretty all the time)2. my “type”: girls3. do i want kids: not at the moment i don’t but only because i don’t want my kid to grow up to be a murderer and have the news looking back on their childhood and saying ‘100% their mom was the reason this is all happening’ not cuz i hate kids 4. adopt/other birth methods? i would definitely rather adopt than give birth unless my partner wanted to have to experience of a biological child i would be totally on board with that i just hate thinking about all the children in need in the world :(5. cutest date: i haven’t really been on a real date sooooo6. first time having sex: HA7. morning time vs. night time: morning time gay!!!! i get so exhausted from wherever i do during the day so i fall asleep super early most nights but you could wake me up at 4 am and i’d be chipper and ready to go 8. nap dates? YES LORD9. brown eyes? YES LORD 10. dogs vs. cats? DOG GAY 100% 11. would i date someone that had rodents/reptiles? yeah?? i mean have you ever seen a bearded dragon? those bitches are cute as fuck12. turn offs before dating? racism, terfs, willing uncleanliness, doesn’t like dogs. pretty straightforward 13. misconceptions about LGBTQ before i realized i was gay as fuck? i don’t think i ever really had any. i’ve always been raised to be open minded and accepting of everyone and that’s just how i am. i may not know everything about gender and sexual identities but i’m totally happy to learn!14. advice for my younger self: the friend crushes you have on every girl that walks by you is gayness own it bitch 15. my “type” for other genders? IM GAY BITCH I THOUGHT THESE QUESTIONS WERE FOR HOMOS ONLY16. an ex i regret: ughh17. night club or cafe gay? cafe gay! do you know how loud clubs are? i don’t but i can assume they’re pretty loud18. who would i go straight for? harry. styles if we weren’t both the webster definition of homosexual 19. video games, books, or movies? books and movies!!!! but NEVER the movie adaption of a book! always teribleeeee20. fav gay ship? simon and baz from Carry On by Rainbow Rowell. such! a! good! read! 21. fav gay youtuber? dodie is half gay but my fav full gay is alexis g. zall 22. have i ever asked out a straight girl? haha i told a girl that i have a crush on her thinking that she was straight cuz i just needed to whet it off my chest but turns out i made her realize she’s bi so that’s rad!23. have i ever been in love? unfortunately 24. ever been heartbroken? fortunately 25. want to be them vs. want to be with them: FUCK IF I KNOW 26. fav lgbtq musician: DODIE OR HARRY27. advice for young/baby gays: take your time with labels! they are so unimportant and unnecessary so if you can’t find something that you feels suits you don’t use one! 28. am i out? i’m pretty much out i’ve never sat down w my family and said ‘i’m a gay bitch’ but i tell them when i think a girl is hot or when i like someone. my family is really accepting so i’m super #blesst 29. uncomfy coming out experience: when i still identified as bisexual i came out to my dad and he didn’t say he accepted me before he said ‘you’re far too young to act on your sexual urges. don’t make bad choices’ so that was gross30. advice for gayz without a safe space: the internet is full of resources for us but unfortunately i don’t know specific sites or people. places irl like planned parenthood, school counselors, and GSA clubs at school are a great space for keeping yourself safe because of protection policies 💜💜
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ocdaniel · 4 years
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KILL THE NOISE (WIP)
Concept I’m playing with of something I’ve been thinking about a lot these days. Here are the first few pages:
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SOCIAL MEDIA EPIDEMIC
Socrates believed that written word would harm memory. What has the emergence of social media done to our minds and memories? If the mind acts as a hard drive, keeping what is necessary and deleting what is not
 What is it doing to those memories that we document with photos and videos? If Socrates believed written word would damage your memory, what would he think about the effects of new media documentation?
I’ve been working in the digital media space for almost 20 years now and have seen the evolution from geocities web pages, xanga, friendster, myspace, facebook, instagram, snapchat, and now tiktok. Since 2003 i’ve had to stay on top of various platforms as they emerged to capitalize on the online trends for my business. I’ve built websites and online marketing campaigns in the entertainment industry for half of my life now and it’s provided quite the incubator for understanding online human behavior. I started as an intern at Interscope records in their new media division. It was the smallest division for that record label at that time. In just a few years, it took over as the main division and ultimately became the go to department for the future of music. I still remember encoding cd’s into mp3’s and sending them off to Apple Computers in Cupertino in 2003 curious why we were mailing these compressed files over to them. A week later, iTunes was launched and the way we consumed music was forever changed. A complete adoption from analog to digital was under way.
I ended up starting my own digital agency while at Interscope Records and built out a ton of web campaigns for them. I built Lady Gaga’s first website, Gwen Stefani’s first website, Pharell Williams first website, and the list goes on. I probably built all these “first websites” because i entered at a time when websites started to explode. Websites became the digital storefront and the main source of content during those years. All of a sudden, Myspace pages became popular and we started developing social media pages for these entertainers. It was still very new at the time but the engagement was incredible. Next came YouTube, then Facebook and the story continues. I got to see how entertainment and social media collided and had front row seats to the show.
Even though i was building all these digital campaigns, i personally didn’t really get involved with marketing myself. I had a myspace page, xanga blog and accounts to the other platforms but it was really just used for personal use. I never viewed it as a resource to market myself or my business. It was just a way to communicate with close friends and keep in touch online. Fast forward to today, and life as we know it is synonymous with social media.
I saw the rise of YouTube stars and eventually started partnering with them very early on and building online businesses for them. Several of them doing millions of dollars in ecommerce sales with us. Business was great and we got in at a time when the era of social influencers started becoming a trend. Looking back, my interest in the social influencer space was probably just a result of working in the entertainment industry and absorbing the trends that were emerging. I don’t think it was a real thought out process but an eventual evolution to the path i was already on.
“Eventual evolution to the path i was already on
.” To me that’s an interesting concept. I kinda feel like life is just a sequence of paths that we initiate or transfer onto. A series of choices to put us on a path that will eventually evolve into a new reality for us. Depending on the choices you make, the output will result accordingly. My path had social media written all over it. I just didn’t know it at the time.
I remember in 2010 right after i had my son, a new platform instagram came out. I had a feeling this platform would do well and i remember having a conversation with my wife and i said “I think i gotta really figure this social media thing out for myself. I’m going to force myself to post once per day and see what happens.” That was the beginning of my personal journey into the “Digital Noise.”
I did just that. I posted at least once every day. I thought perhaps i’d do it for a month and see where it would go from there. One month turned into two, two to six, six to a year and kept going and going. I was posting more content than anyone else i knew that was on social media. There were moms using social media as a way to document their kids and family activities but i was documenting EVERYTHING. Because i forced myself to try and post at least once a day, I developed a thought pattern to capture anything that my mind felt interesting. If i saw a cool sticker on the street, i’d take a picture of that. If my son was spacing out on some patterns, i’d snap a photo. It was literally like i was trying to capture what my brain was thinking. “Oooh, my food looks good, imma take a photo of this!” This was before taking pictures of photos was a thing. I literally forced myself to do social media experiments and started making a habit of making consistent posts on social media.
As i would meet people, they would add my on social and engage for a while but i think after a bit, they would stop because i posted so frequently. I think because i wasn’t a celebrity, it would be a bit creepy if someone i met liked EVERY SINGLE posts i made for a month lol. The funny thing is that i wouldn’t see any engagement for years from someone but i’d run into them IRL (In Real Life) and they would know everything i’ve done for the past few years because they were following my social media account. I’d run into people after not seeing them since college and they would see my son for the first time and say “oh man, i feel like i’ve seen you grow up and i finally get to meet you! I’ve seen you on instagram and facebook for years!” If this isn’t a cultural phenomenon, i don’t know what is. I think this particular example of modern engagement is a transformative shift in the way humans are now living. It’s not a small thing nor should it be looked at as casually.
Over the last few years, i’ve seen way more studies talking about the effects of social media and the increasing need for digital detoxing. As i said earlier, i was at the forefront of all this emerging so to me, social media is equivalent as living in smog my whole life. You just get used to it. Apple released screen time to help you see how much time your spending on your phone. Viral memes would showcase artists drawing social media logos as drug usage showing the addictive natures of these platforms. Awareness of the habit addiction of social media was starting to get more traction. The problem is that people still couldn’t get off the platforms. It was too late. Facebook, Instagram, Youtube and the other platforms successfully recruited the world’s top talent pool of creative minds and built the most addictive platforms on the planet. If you want to see the most consumed products, just look at the stock market for the highest valuations. Money comes in, talent comes in, brainpower is used to make their products more addictive resulting in a larger customer base and ultimately a change in culture behavior.
Behavior shifts any time culture adopts new norms. Today, new norms are dictated by money. Follow the money and it will lead you to where new norms are being developed. Today, technology dominates the global marketplace with companies like Facebook, Amazon, Netflix, and Google (FANG) leading the charge. The problem is because these companies are focused on increasing revenue and increasing stock prices, their motivation is singular focused. “How can we get more users and get them spending more time with our product.” Drug dealers ask the exact same question.
DIGITAL ADDICTION
Like and hearts. Today that is our culture. I work with hundreds of social media influencers and one of the questions i like asking is
 “Does it get depressing?” I’m shooting 100% with answers of YES! Even though social media influencers are making careers of broadcasting their lives online, the consequence is almost always a loss of self identity. They have to constantly keep up to date with their followers and are no longer on their own schedules. If they miss a day or two posting, followers get impatient and start up a ruckus. I’ve heard influencers tell me, “It’s like i’m not really living my own life anymore because i have to be something my audience wants.” Their social accounts may have started innocent and authentic at the beginning but over time, the pressures to continue momentum takes a toll. I’m not a social influencer and i even had those feelings. I’d get a ton of likes on one post, then another wouldn’t engage. It was make me question, why would one type of post get hearts and likes while the others wouldn’t. It’s human behavior to want to be accepted and held in esteem. Maslow’s third and fourth rung right after your primal survival needs of living and safety.
Physiological needs - food, water, warmth, rest
Safety needs - security, safety, health
Belonging needs - relationships, friends, community
Esteem needs - respect, status, accomplishment
Self actualization - fulfillment of one’s potential
It’s no wonder that as a culture, we’ve flocked to these social platforms to fulfill our belonging and esteem needs. At what cost though?
As a human species, if we’ve sorted out our primal needs to survive by figuring out resources to eat and have shelter, the next eventual stage would be to make friends and get respect among our colleagues. In the past, we would need to go to events, functions and meet with people to do this but with the emergence of online communities, online gaming and general online engagement, we can get the same feeling of fulfillment with social media. While i feel that social media was intended for something very positive and useful, it’s really taken on a new shape with the amount of content that is now being released.
See, social media has now successfully created an online ecosystem of users that engage on a daily basis. This is now a common habit for a majority of the world today. I’m not sure if the originators of the social media platforms had any idea that their creations would have as much content on them as it is today. With more content, comes more moderation, with more moderation come more control and so on. The funny thing is, human behavior has patterns and they continue to emerge over the history of man kind. We love getting more of the things we love. You put a kid in a candy shop and he’ll eat until he gets sick. The good thing for kids is that we have parents and lack of funds that will cut off our supply of candy. Social media is free. You can consume all you want. The genius minds creating these companies are also paid very well to make sure you consume all you want and not only that
 they try to make the content even more addictive.
A few years back, i started working on a new mobile app called “Binge Mix” with someone from the entertainment industry. The idea was that finding things on Netflix to watch has become so time consuming that we wanted to make it more “efficient” to binge with your significant other. Looking back on this concept, i’m glad it didn’t work because i don’t know how i would feel today knowing i made binge watching more accessible. Binge watching
 when did that become a thing? We have so much disposable time now that we sit and watch addictive shows 4-8 hours at a time now? I’m guilty of this phenomenon myself. When my wife got into the show “Lost” our common phrase was.. “Just one more and then we will sleep.” If you really think about it, the days when we had 13 channels on a tv box to now thousands of shows at your finger tips is a result of blitzscaling media companies that have tapped into an addictive human behavior. Legalized media drugs.
Humans can’t help themselves. It’s our nature to consume more of what we want if it’s available to us. There is a dopamine hit in the brain that rewards us like a pavlovian dog every time it gets a treat. You might feel you have free will but every time you watch another video, click another link, or start another show
. You throw your freedom out the window and have become a slave to that platform. I don’t use that word lightly either. A SLAVE TO THE BINGE. To “binge” is synonymous with “addiction” and that is now the culture we live in today. The era of digital addiction. The question i have, is WHAT IS ALL THIS DOING TO OUR BRAINS?!?!?!
DIGITAL DETOX
Noise. Too much noise.
A few years back, i started a new experiment with my company. My wife would probably consider me a workaholic and i really have a hard time shutting my mind off from work. I get obsessive about things that catch my interest and it’s my nature to work hard. It would be really hard for me to leave my company operations for more than a few days for any time of vacation or time off. Even when i’d leave on vacation, i’d be on my phone checking things, writing new ideas down, taking down pages of notes on strategy and just not being able to relax. I started making it a point to intentionally power down my phone when i’d take a break at a certain point. It would suck going on a vacation, then working on vacation only to come back the same as i left. The hard part was trusting that the business wouldn’t crash and burn without me being there.
I started realizing that it would take me about a week to really disconnect from work. I considered the first week just a work detox to get my brain to settle. So i did my first 2 week vacation and turned my phone off for a week at a time. I would throw my phone into the hotel safe or dresser drawer and shut it off for a week. That to me was insane but i figured, if it takes me a week to decompress.. Perhaps turning it off completely will speed the process up. It did!
It was like a magical antidote for my workaholic pace of entrepreneurship. Turn the phone off, the brain starts forming back into a natural state. It freaked me out a bit but at the end of the week, i’d check in and see what was going on. I’m not going to lie and say everything was perfect. I had several fire drills and tons of anxiety doing this but i kept trying. After doing a week no phone, i tried 2 weeks. I would try these breaks over the next few years and would eventually get to 3-4 weeks without using my phone. Sounds almost impossible with the way the world works today but I was so desperate to recover from my overthinking at work that i made it happen. Well, actually my wife probably made it happen for me! hahah. I think she was getting tired of our vacations getting ruined with emotions and phone calls from work.
I know this isn’t possible for everyone to do right away but to me it was a goal. How long can i be without my phone and just connect with nature. In the 80’s we didn’t have smartphones and survived, we could probably do it today
. It’s just not “normal” anymore. The thing i started realizing when i’d do these digital detoxes, my brain would change. The noise would start to fade and my thoughts would get clearer. My ideas didn’t seem so cluttered and i was able to THINK!
The brain is supposed to be able to retain 7 numbers at a time as our working memory capacity. If this holds true with numbers, what is going on with our brains as we are saturating it with content? Is it deleting old files? Getting rid of old memories? I personally want to keep a lot of good memories and hopefully keep my brain running at top performance for the rest of my life. My instinct tells me that binge watching 4 hours of a Netflix show is definitely going to alter the way my brain works. It’s going to tell my brain
 “If your focusing on this for 4 hours of your waking day, it must be important and i need to use processing power for this.” Even though we feel that binge watching helps us to disconnect and zone out, i’m pretty sure the opposite is happening. We are filling our brain hard drive with more stuff to process and it’s probably not good for our overall production as a human being.
More content makes for more noise. More noise makes it harder to focus. Focus is what helps us achieve great results. Perhaps the reason why we are not getting the progress in life we want is because there has been a massive influx of content that has become way to easy to become addicted to. I think of it like trying to play basketball while drunk. The more you drink, the less effective your body functions perform and the more horrible choices you make on the court. Think of digital content as the alcohol and life as the basketball game. If you want to live more effectively, reduce the noise.
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dreadhaus-literature · 4 years
Text
{A/N}
I’ve already talked about this before but I have more to say, so.
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I don’t often cite “being old” or “getting old” or whatever. I don’t care about changing trends or hating on what’s become popular “with the kids” like some Boomer. Idc what everyone else is doing, that’s pretty much been a staple for me my whole life. I do me, you do you, we’re good.
But one thing that just continues to confuse me and my bitter old ass, and has my whole life is this concept of romance and what’s considered “romantic” or I guess, idk, “acceptable” to put into romance.
Now, let me preface my post with a couple things:
I grew up reading romance novels. Damn good ones, thank you Miss Christine. So I’m used to not only real sappy, happily ever after stories, but also the idealistic way someone ought to treat you.
A lot of what I say can be taken lightly or as a joke. For some reason this seems to be lost a lot in translation with me so let me just be clear. A lot of my points aren’t serious and are mostly just light-hearted jabs at what I’m talking about.
I’m not a complainer. I’m typically happy with anything and if not I ignore it and move on, so keep that in mind, too.
I’m not gonna waste my time with the whole “romance is different for everyone” because we all fucking know that already. This is just me talking about me.
So now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s sample the tea.
A lot of people are fucking awful at romance.
And I’m saying this having sampled a plethora of media on the subject. Bear in mind, I don’t consume media that doesn’t have some form of romance in it. I don’t read novels that aren’t romance or have SOME aspect of romance in it, I prefer ASMR videos that have personal attention triggers or are affection roleplays, I sample a fuckton of otome/dating simulation games, I consume x you/x reader headcanons and fanfiction constantly, I unironically watch rom-coms--I’m a sappy bitch. Love and affection are really the only thing that matter to me and it’s ironic as fuck considering how often I’m single, but whatever.
We already know fantasy > reality so we’re not gonna rehash that.
But that is my point. I don’t understand this sweeping trend of needing realism and shit in our escapism. That just...doesn’t work for me? It never has. I have a wild, vivid ass imagination and I know not everyone does, but it’s so fucking tedious for me to consume media and see people constraining themselves by reality because “this wouldn’t make sense in every day life”.
Bitch why do you think I’m here.
I’m a 6â€Č2 lesbian of color with a hormone imbalance and a terrible family. I don’t fucking need reality for a goddamn thing. That’s the whole reason I’m here, to escape it.
And I’ve asked this question before, multiple times, but what is the fucking appeal of making characters mean to your audience? I know I’m probably in a minority here, but I will immediately lose interest in a character if they treat me like shit, even slightly. I am never and have never been one of those people who is all, “they could do whatever they wanted with me and I wouldn’t care,” like, nah. I’ve been treated like shit enough in my life, I come to a relationship to be treated well so you can fuck right off treating me like I don’t matter.
It’s so bizarre. Because I see it across the board. Like, all forms of romantic media is guilty of doing this, of creating these tropes of asshole types who are like, “I’m barely going to look at you. Date me,” and it’s like, my guy, you’d be talking to thin fucking air. That shit ain’t cute.
I ain’t a 1950â€Čs housewife. You act right or you get to steppin’.
And I’m aware my independence likely has a lot to do with it. I’m 100% fine on my own so I don’t put up with foolishness, generally. Don’t have a need to, not scared to be by myself.
I very rarely get seriously invested in a lot of these otome/dating simulator games because the story is so flimsy or it’s very obviously just a ploy to “look at these pretty characters who’ll mildly ignore you” and that just ain’t for me. Looks are very much secondary in my book and if someone is attractive but they act like garbage they immediately become unattractive. If Tom Hiddleston was revealed to be some douche canoe that’d be it. I feel myself souring to characters when they act a certain way, and their appearance changes, to me. They become unattractive to me. Personality’s much more important, so the pretty pictures just aren’t enough to reel me in or keep my attention.
Monster Prom was the first one I can genuinely say I was wholly invested in. One, because I’m a monster fucker (thank you, Silent Hill during my formative years) and two, there was genuine care taken into the story. As a writer, especially a romance writer, I can be super particular about story-telling. It’s very easy to lose me to a bad story. But I loved the character concepts and designs in MP, a lot. I still do--but I will admit, the more I played, the more I got a little turned off because I started to uncover it was less about making the characters love you and more about “look how witty our banter is” or “watch how many times this character can give you the brush off or insult you, isn’t it funny?”
No. No...it isn’t.
Escapism, remember? But I’d have to be careful when I played MP because if I was having a bad day, it stung to be insulted or dumped/literally laughed at when I’m trying to feel better by escaping to a fantasy world with characters I love and who are supposed to love me.
I know I’m sensitive. And being emotionally abused my whole life has also left me with some pretty...well. Idk the right wording, but there are some things I don’t want to hear or be told because it puts me in a really messed up headspace. And so I take my opinion on what’s “mean” or “rude” with that in mind. I know these things about myself and there are times I’ll catch myself side-eying a response I get in these games, then laugh and be all, “Nah, that wasn’t a big deal.”
I have to do that in real life, too, so.
But that’s my whole point. I shouldn’t have to take myself out of the fantasy to remind myself that I’m not stupid just because some pixels on a screen are trying to be cutesy “mean” to me. No one likes to be called names or made to feel dumb or ugly or...idk, I just, that’s never been my style of writing romance and I don’t understand the appeal of it.
I always write to make my reader feel the best they’ve ever felt. No one in real life can adore and love you in the perfect way a fantasy character can. I learned that a long, long time ago. That shit really is only in fairy tales. So if you’re escaping a reality where people treat you shitty or make you feel unimportant why the hell would you choose to go to a fantasy life where characters you love are going to do the same thing?
I don’t understand writing characters, ANY CHARACTER, as being cold or aloof or mean to your reader. I don’t give a fuck who it is or what their character type is. I’ve said it before but love changes who you are, so whose to say a character who is cold and aloof and mean to everyone else wouldn’t be warm and affectionate with their lover? But that isn’t generally what I see, what I see are characters who remain exactly the same with their partner as they are with everyone else and so much for feeling special.
I can genuinely say there’s not a single character I’ve come across that I couldn’t write any way I wanted to, most especially romantically. Hell, if DC can write Bruce fucking Wayne initiating “I love you,” then you can write a character not being a bag of limp dicks to me.
The other otome game/DS I’ve gotten into is Obey Me! Been playing that for a while, and same with MP I love the character designs and the story. It’s engaging, it’s funny, the brothers are all diverse and adorable and I love them all ♄, but the same issue with MP I’m seeing with OM, too. There are times when the brothers are downright mean to you and I turn the game off for a while because I didn’t open it up to be insulted.
I can’t tell if it’s bad writing or if there’s actually people out there who enjoy that sorta stuff. I don’t talk to enough people to know who the hell this is for--and I’ve seen community comments along media where the readers just laugh it off and I generally do that, like in OM when Levi gets all tsundere or Mammon IS ON HIS BULLSHIT AGAIN (I love that idiot boy) but other times I’m straight up shut down by them and if that were me, IRL, that would be the end of a relationship.
Again, might just be preference. I don’t do hot/cold people, I spent my childhood dealing with an unpredictable household where one moment it would be okay to be in the same room or even look at my parents and the next I’d literally be shut up in my bathroom to have two sets of doors between me and them because it was safer.
Case in point? Earlier tonight I was spending time with Asmo in-game, who is just...an absolute flower and I love him so much, he’s so cute, but every single alone/personal time I spend with him he’s been fine to be touched, does that whole super cute, “More, more!” beg. So I went to touch him like always and he rejected me. Out of nowhere, after being thrilled with everything else we’d done together. And I immediately felt myself turn cold to him and had to stop myself--which is something I do IRL, too.
If you immediately switch up on me like that, don’t expect me to stick around. I can’t/won’t do it. Grew up with it, have no tolerance for it now.
And again, after I closed the game down, I was sitting there like, who is this for? Why is that even a thing? If I designed otome/dating sim games, the characters would all be receptive of MC because that’s the fucking point. If I wanted to be rejected I’d just fucking date IRL, I’m here to see pixels because I like feeling wanted, not insulted and told to go away--especially out of nowhere. That’s just...idk, mean to be mean?
It’s not that I get my feelings hurt, lol, I’m 30 years old and I know the characters aren’t real. It’s more that I’m just baffled by it. It’s illogical and leaves me scratching my head. I don’t understand what is so hard about making things perfect or why that’s so unappealing for so many people. The argument, “It’s unrealistic,” shouldn’t even be a fucking argument. None of this is real.
It’s like Joker, and how up in arms people get about seeing him written obsessive but still able to not be abusive to Reader. Like, writing him with his craziness intact, but making him obsessively in-love rather than abusive and people lose their goddamn minds.
“It’s unrealistic! He’s a psychopath, he’d never really be able to love you! He’s supposed to be abusive! This is OOC!”
Right okay but he isn’t fucking real? And your imagination is pathetic.
Going the opposite end of the spectrum, and you get a cold, aloof character like Crocodile and authors have zero issue with telling you he would never love you and he’d likely be mean to you a lot.
Cool, get away from me then. Also, why? You don’t treat the person you love the same as everyone else, otherwise...that’s not the person you love.
You wanna be realistic, let’s be realistic.
I’ve always considered my relationships like ripples in water. The people closest to me get the best of me, then further out will get some warmth and kindness but they’re not #1. Beyond that will get politeness and beyond that? Acquaintance-level. It’s like how ripples start out large and get smaller the further out they go. That’s how my heart works. I’m not going to greet my best friend the same way I greet a friend, because she’s more important and should know it.
And I wouldn’t treat my partner the same way I’d treat some rando on the street, but so many authors are guilty of writing characters so poorly there’s no discernible difference between me and some random.
And I hate it. àČ _àČ 
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if you struggle writing any character in-character and still able to be in a loving relationship, you’re a bad writer.
And I’ll say it louder for the chuckleheads in the back.
If you struggle writing any character in-character and still able to be in a loving relationship, you’re a bad writer.
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And to be honest, I wouldn’t be...idk, 100% surprised that there’s someone out there who is actually fine with this sort of thing? Like, I know some people are fine with being denied/rejected, given the brush-off, etc, but my childhood has taken that off the table for me. It goes really south for me, really fast. It’s to the point I have physical reactions to it, I wind up feeling so bad.
But I mean, they have to be writing it for someone, right?
Let me give you two examples, though. Picture your favorite character (FC).
Example A:
FC comes up to you before you could react to their arrival, home at last, and greets you with a chaste but soft kiss. “I missed you,” is said quietly, almost secretly, against your mouth--an admission you knew no one else had heard from those same lips. The words are backed up with action, an arm swept around the small of your back, fingers cinched against your hip to keep you locked to their side so when they straightened up, they took you with them. Tethered together as you’d been apart long enough.
Example B:
FC was home, had arrived home hours ago, but had made no attempt to come see you or speak to you. Finally, you’d figured enough time had passed they’d be all right with a small interruption, but the knock on the door goes unanswered. After a second try, a brisk, “Come in,” is your welcome. Once inside, a glance is spared for you but no more words exchanged. “I missed you,” is your attempt for more attention, met with a silent nod to show it was heard, and a gesture you could be on your way. They were busy.
I would argue that, given the choice, most would go with Example A. Which is insane, considering the majority of fanfiction and game play I see tends to lean toward B.
And the wording is super particular, too. In B, the wording “be all right with a small interruption,” implies the Reader is actively bothering their lover. The brisk greeting could be said to anyone, but shouldn’t be said to Reader if they’re meant to be someone special. And the lack of reciprocation speaks volumes. You missed them? Who knows if they missed you.
And again, if you’re really into defending realism, a relationship where a character wouldn’t speak to you or if they do, they’re treating you like shit? You’re not going to form a relationship to begin with. It’s almost like how we, now, look back at those old time housewives who put up with/made excuses for their husbands who barely paid attention to them and ignored their kids altogether because “that’s just how men are”. We’re repeating it, just modernizing it.
Well, y’all are. I’m not.
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Because I am of this wild idea that escapism should live up to it’s name. That I should be able to disconnect from my depressing ass reality to go somewhere that people are always happy to see me and then treat me like they are.
Reality is often disappointing and I am of the belief fantasy shouldn’t be.
And like I’ve said before, you can write any character in a loving relationship without making them OOC. It’s about the way you make the character show their affectionate side, their loving side, that matters--making a cold character a fucking frigid cockthistle isn’t the right way to do it.
Using Example B, a cold character who may not express themselves as openly, when written properly, might not say, “I missed you too,” but they might put their work aside, set their pen down, and hold out their hand for you. The attention they pay you there is how they show you they missed you, too.
An aloof/busy character who came home and couldn’t immediately come to see you, who still had work to do, might text you from their office and tell you--
“I’m home. Come here.”
No flowery language needed, you know they missed you. And idk about you but I’d get all tingly from that text. (â™ĄÂŽè‰ž`)
And that’s what I’m talking about! How hard is that? Apparently very! I see glimpses of it in media, from the games to shows to movies (fanfiction leaves much to be desired but good writers are few and far between) but they always chase it with some unnecessary rude bullshit and then I’m like, well here we are again, me ignoring lines of dialogue because you cain’t act right.
But I digress. Getting into certain things at least allows me to cherry pick characters out of it and then rewrite them in my own head--hell, I’m a comic book fan. I’ve been doing that shit for decades, lmao.
Canon? Nah son.
So yeah. That’s just been tumbling around in my head for a while and I wanted to talk about it proper.
OM was the reason I finally decided to sit down and write this all down, and I have been seriously restraining myself from gushing in the midst of all my commentary--because I really do love the Demon Brothers something awful ♄ they’ve taken over in a big way. But this isn’t the place, unless I start analyzing the stuff OM does right--and that’s partly why it kept my attention where other otome/DS games can’t. Despite running into the same blocks as the other, similar media out there, OM does a lot of things right.
I won’t go into everything, just a handful of examples, because there’s a lot of subtlety that I think is masterfully done:
The way Lucifer is first to defend you and check up on you
The way Mammon turns from calling you “human” to “my human”
The way Levi shares his personal collector’s items with you
The way Satan invites you to events that mean something to him
The way Asmo values your compliments over anyone else’s
The way Beel shares his food with you
The way Belphie actually smiles at you
Out of context some of those could sound super unimportant, but the game does an excellent job setting it up so that you know all of those things? Mean that you mean something to the demon it’s coming from.
Lucifer has a million things to worry about but he leapt to my defense (before Mammon, who is technically in charge of me) and he goes out of his way to walk by my room and then texts me if I’m too quiet to make sure I’m okay--and offers to accompany me if I happen to leave my room for any reason. Lucifer is a super great mix of, “Come here. It’s lonely without you. Spend time with me,” and “I’m only asking where you are because I should be with you...for protection.” Like, okay. I’m onto you, old man. ♄
Mammon has little respect for humans and initially begins calling me “Human” rather than my name (despite being told to call me by name because yes, I did tell that ill-mannered boy to call me Dot) but then it gradually changes to “My human” and now I’m annoyed my heart skips when he does it. Him going so far as to say as “his human” I should only let him protect me because “It’s me or no one, understand?!” I hate you made me love you??? Plus he’s a masochist and I could obliterate him for it.
Levi is gonna get enough of calling me a fucking “normie”, aight. I’m not an otaku like you, kiddo, but I’m a fucking comic nerd so could you maybe chill--but the more you progress with him, the more he waits for you because he wants to show you his new manga or show or game. Someone wanting to share something personal with you is everything--god and he’s so tsundere he’s so easy to fluster. “It’s not what it looks like! I wasn’t waiting for you!” Outside my door? Right. Okay. “What, is that supposed to make me happy...? I-I’m sorry, don’t stop!” I love it.
Satan was one I wasn’t initially sure of. He’s very obviously hiding something beneath that cool, collected exterior (haha probably a lot of rage if you’ll ignore my Wrath pun), but he won me over pretty fast by inviting me to multiple events because, like Levi, he wants to experience things with me. Plus, when I get excited he appreciates it rather than making me feel silly. “That’s the answer I was looking for.” ♄ And he invited me moon-gazing so like, psh, yeah let’s get married.
Asmo I knew, immediately, I would have zero issue with. He’s the Avatar of Lust, which is one sin I’m real into. So while I wasn’t worried about him, finding out he had so many fans and lovers and the like, that I was worried would bother me. I’m possessive~♫ But the game did a huge service to me by showing Asmo wants my compliments more than anyone else’s. Him saying that to me made me coo, out loud. I’m typically not into narcissistic folks, but when it’s done a certain way? Like Tony. You can be important to a million people but if you show me I still come first? I’m smitten. With Asmo, the adorable way he’s almost like a puppy in wanting, “More! I want more! Just from you!” It’s so fucking cute.
Beel is best boy. Like, hands down, immediately crowned Best Brother. He is adorable, like the total giant teddy bear trope. And being the Avatar of Gluttony, food is everything to him. So when he started offering to share his food with me? Like boy oh my god. Freaking Sam hugging gif x100. I CAN’T EVEN EAT ALL THAT MUCH BUT YES, YES, A THOUSAND TIMES YES. It never fails to make me smile when I give him his favorite food and he goes, “You’re going to eat with me, right?” NOW I AM. Sobbing. While he tells me being hungry around me “isn’t so bad.” I’m not going to touch on the vore fetish he’s feeding in me every time he starts drooling and calling me a dumpling.
Belphie. Oh, Belphie. My difficult boy. Like Damian from MP I fucking knew you’d be a problem--WHICH IS DUMB YOU’RE A SLOTH, I’M A SLOTH. YOU LIKE NAPS, I LIKE NAPS. But he’s so aloof, he’s hard to pin down initially--but I was gonna get ‘im. I love how the game makes you glean Belphie’s caring for you from the things he says. “You’re late,” when you show up, because he was waiting for you. Or, “What were you doing?” because he wants to know what you’re up to and who with and why it wasn’t him. I adored his line, “I want to sleep but...come see me in my dreams or I’ll get mad.” Like baby I will live there. That and my other favorite is when he smiles and simply says, “Welcome back,” because he missed you and is happy you’re here.
That ^ is all quality. It shows that different character types can love and love well in their own way, without having to be assholes. Belphie loves differently than Asmo but you still know he loves you. The game falls into the same traps as others do, I’m not saying it’s perfect, but it definitely has my attention and I love the brothers now the same as all my other characters--where other games I’ve set aside and given up on.
I think I’ve rambled on about all this enough, it was just buzzing about in my skull and while I guess this is discourse? Really I wouldn’t even say it’s a hot take, it’s just confusing why this isn’t talked about more or why so many characters and games and stories and media are ruined by badly written attempts at romance.
My rule of thumb, or one of them, has always been similar to the golden rule:
Write your romance the way you’d want your favorite character to treat you.
I feel like, most of the time, you can’t go wrong with that. I certainly haven’t had any complaints, at least.
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chickenfetus · 7 years
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ALL MY EGG (and for the four names: jae, killer kang, minhyuk (whichever one), and santa
deadass i did the 100 questions ask meme for this ask and almost posted it rip
🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?
theres literally nothing i dont even know what to say ???? 
💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?
not 2 be delusional but i would give up my world to hug changkyun
đŸč what are some of your favourite PokĂ©mon and why?
glaceon is UP THERE idk why honestly but the sinnoh games were my first and i just??? i was really into ice and snow and shit u know so glaceon... thakn u
another pkmn ill always have is lucario ????? its just so cool?????
🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?
hopefully forgiveness and like???? acknowledging mistakes and learning from those u know jst positive stuff and like?? water. god i love water
👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?
hm okay i think this one was from last night or the night b4??? and like???? idk???? i dont even know how 2 start tbh?
so im like hanging over at this two kid’s im a kid 2 i think place and idk we just talk and shit??? idk whomst the boys were tho
and then we get to a scene where its like??? at a train station???? and i go to the washroom to shit or smth idk thankfully i didnt shit myself irl
then i have to get onto the train which isnt even a train its like a carousel with seats??? and its like on a train track boys this is 2 much and i forgot to get ready my train card thing so the guy (who i was p sure was evil) waited for me to remove it so i got onto the transportation device lmao
and then once im seated i remember i forgot my jacket so i make like hand movements 2 the creep and hes runnig 2 me with my jakcet but the ride’s way too fast so i yell and say ill come back for it even tho im p sure i wasnt going 2
after that i wke up wild
☀ what do you like the most about your best friend?
i dont have a best friend and all of my friends have their own unique qualities if i went into a rant abt them rn this will b so long
😘 talk about your crush or partner
[minhyuk voice] theres none
💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?
ya bc im petty but it really depends on the person
🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)
my personality (the good parts)
my values
my taste in friends (my Big Friends are either geminis or scorpios good)
đŸŸ what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it?
the dark and bitch isnt gonna turn off her night light any time soon
🎁 what never fails to make you happy?
seeing my favourite happy, listening to the music i like 
💙 what annoys you about some people?
i jjust went into a full out rant abt this on the other reply so ill be quiet now
đŸ˜€ do you get angry easily?
yeahhhhh 
🐇 what do you always daydream about?
my faves tbh
đŸŒ» if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?
bad people , gone.
everybody only sends love and happy things on anon
i just want everyone 2 b nice & friendly wars of any sort dont exist and no one wants anybody dead
🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?
if u sent jae’s name earlier id have trouble so im glad
kiss: tihis is so fucking embarrassing wtf minhyku (mx) but only on the cheek basically everywhere except the lips or anyplace weird
befriend: brian :-0
kill: jae goodbye loser
marry: sanha we can yell every time we gotta turn the lights off
✈ what is your dream city and why?
tokyo bc its NICE
☕ talk about your ideal day
cant read
🌾 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?
i suddenly thought of the word ambivore which made me think of the word vore i wanna delete im a both? mayb idk
💧 when was the last time you cried?
nov 3 bc my heart hurts whenever i see ppl being a bad friend
đŸŽ” name 5 songs you love at the moment
oh worm
all alone - day6
with you - astro
dramarama - mx (even though it isnt out yet lmao)
run - bts (the superior bts song)
hellevator - / (i was rly gonna make this mixed languages but rip)
âšĄïž if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?
to fly bc im basic
💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?
dont do that
💚 who are you jealous of and why?
nobody in general????????? 
💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?
intelligence i have 2 live somehow what if my money gets stolen
🙊 what are you ashamed of?
my humor
đŸŒș which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?
i (barely) know chinese despite having 2 take it all my life legends only
i know english but im bad at that 2 and its my first language once again legends only
i wanna learn japanese and korean 
🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?
the cow from voltron 
☁ talk about your dream universe.
weve already discussed this
💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?
oh w-0rm ok so im a regular anon on this persons blog and i wanted to send an ask but never got arnd doing it so im gonna send her one. soon/
🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?
let me live my life as a furry and cat
🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike
are u ready 4 me to b the meanest person yet bc i sure am lets fucking go
so theres this girl. and i know her (unfortunately) and ive known her since like 4 years ago and back then she was already pretty shit tbh
she cried bc she had to sit in between the “weird” and “dirty” girls in our class and she headass cried in front of them and everyone just bc she didnt like the arrangement?? shes called the “dirty” girl disgusting before and has made fun of her in front of everybody its just bad :-/
now. fast forward 3 years and in addition to still being disrespectful and rude, she now vocalizes her weird fantasies for her “oppas”??? some examples: 
“when i go watch __ perform im gonna climb onto stage and then my mother and my future husband will fight for me” and she calls those kpop idols weird shit and basically sexualizes them/???? she says the weirdest fucking shit on her ig story and tags them??????? 
another thing. she went to korea nd took a picture of a complete stranger and posted it on her public ig and called him her “oppa” and said that they had a “fun day together” despite the guy not knowing her at all???? she posted the pic of him??? i still dont get it tbh 
she wasnt even being ironic at all??? she calls herself & classmates “autistic” whenever she/others do smth dumb or mess up and its just sososososo fucking wrong
being one of the people to see how shes basically grown from bad to worse is something i dont fucking enjoy and i jsut want to leave my class already lmao 
ok but there are times where i do appreciate her because sometimes the class will be rly quiet and the teacher is basically talking 2 themselves but she’ll always respond w/o fail so thats great but its only bc she talks so damn much 
i just got a flashback to when she “jokingly” said she wanted to be a trainee for the rest of her life how do i just. god
😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately
we’ve once again already discussed this
đŸȘ what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?
i wanted to be various things honestly?? ranging from an astronaut to a vet to an editor to an animator to other stuff i get influenced pretty easily so if i watch smth and i think its cool ill want 2 be that i guess?? ive been trying 2 get rid of that habit so now i have no clue what i wanna be
🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?
sweets and chocolate cake
🍑 what are you obsessed with?
drinking water and staying hydrated
making my friends laugh is great 2
💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed?
acne LMAO 
đŸ˜Ș what are you sick of?
the usual
🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?
i love scouting on sif and bandori so yeah 
đŸ’„ what are some unpopular opinions that you have?
lets not 
☔ would you consider yourself a good person?
to a certain extent
😊 what do you like to do as hobbies?
use my phone???? send nice anons and comment on art/fics 
đŸŽ€ what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?
none
🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?
my tolerance for ppl’s shit is so low
🎹 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?
my ocs
đŸ» what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?
i dont have a dream hence myself
đŸŒ· what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you?
infpt i dont rmb shit but yeah
đŸ¶ send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!
falen i dont rmb what u sent
👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?
i dont follow any :-o zendaya has had my heart ever since shake it off tho
🐮 opinion on day6?
ur rly gonna do this 2m e?
all alone just started playng this is terrible lets get it
so day6. a band i only found out about in late june (thank u boxy) and before this i only ever listened to bts and mx bc my friends stan them so i thought i was gonna expect boys dancing, the usual. 
i clicked i smile and i lost my fucking shit as soon as i saw the instruments because prior to day6 i was a big 5sos fan so this was rly resonating to me tbh and i was just !!! so fukcng excited??? i never intended to even get into day6 honestly??? but after witnessing how good they are and watching about all of the available mvs at that point i was completely in awe so i caved a created a stan twitter for them.
now, this isnt even the most of it. after becoming a fan i realized how much more these 5 boys are. they compose (if im not wrong) and brian writes lyrics for the songs each month because of their everyday6 project and again, im wow-ed because??? the amount of dedication???? they went from releasing 2 title tracks in 2 years to releasing 12 title tracks and 12 bside tracks in a single year. they havent released the december song yet but haviing to work on 2 or more songs in 4 weeks is fucking amazing if you ask me. 
theyre really talented and theyre just so versatile (am i using that word correctly) and each month their songs sound different. this project has given them the opportunity to try new things and you can hear the steady improvement in each of their vocals (dowoonie not so much since he barely gets lines, but we all know hes working hard) and if you listen to their debut song - kongchu and compare it to the version they released along with sunrise it just???? the drumming has even changed from the original version nd its so noticeable that whenever i hear kongchu from 2015 i know its the old ver
to add to those, they do vlives every week and although those vlives are always scheduled it still makes my day seeing them and watching them do the usual. 
one thing im upset about is that how they barely promote themselves, they rarely get on variety shows (the most is individual schedules) and we, as mydays never really get to know the boys so its harder to fall for them as a whole. i dont know if its jyp or day6â€Čs decision but if this is how they want to be known for - their music only, then so be it. we still have jae’s presence on youtube, music access and asc. thats the most we can get and it makes it difficult for us to learn about the rest but thats okay.
another thing. their concerts are something i always look forward to (even though my interest has died down a bit;) their concerts are just so fun to listen to?? there’ll always be mydays who stream the concert so everyone else can listen to them play and they sound so good live it drives me crazy. mydays are always so hyped and whenever mydays sing along it just gives me goosebumps??? bc theyre so???? good????? 
tldr; day6 deserve more, following wise and promotions wise because they work so hard and once this project ends i hope they’ll manage to rest but still remain as a presence that will be known instead of returning to jyp’s dungeon.
🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person?
there are days where i am more emotional than usual 
📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.
this is tiring
😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?
i sleep and boy it really helps
😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?
rest
🌍 which country do you live in?
singapore
🐧 describe yourself in 3 words
lame funny swag
đŸ” which quotes changed you?
“rocky swag” - park minhyuk, 2017
💭 do you keep a diary?
nope
đŸ’« who inspires you?
brian kang 
đŸ‘» do you believe in ghosts and why?
yes bc i love losing sleep
🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?
terrible
🎬 what are some of your favourite films?
i watched spiderman homecoming and i have no idea why i didnt see the plot twist coming but its GOOD watch it
🍩 what is one treasured childhood memory?
theres none lads
đŸŒ if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?
all my internet buddies but sometimes i dont want to bc im kinda....gross
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pointless--nonsense · 7 years
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Every emoji
Okay everybody this is super long I’m sorry!!
🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone? ~ if I said then it would no longer be a secret hahaha
💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be? ~ all of my friends (internet and irl) because I just love them so much
đŸč what are some of your favourite PokĂ©mon and why? ~ Eevee because I love that name and I love the eeveelutions
🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like? ~ oh boy um first of all Tr*mp would be in jail and Bernie would be president, gender neutral bathrooms would be everywhere, and college/university would be way less expensive and adorable for all
👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had? ~ all I can remember is that someone tricked me into going on a roadtrip to the beach and when we got there I realized I had nothing besides my phone with me 😂 plus Lilly Singh was there and she convinced me to stay lol
☀ what do you like the most about your best friend? ~ I love everything about her she is amazing and wonderful and I miss her so much!!
😘 talk about your crush or partner. ~ I have so many crushes at the moment 😂 lol let’s just say they are all cute and way out of my league lol
💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back? ~ Depending on the situation tbh. Like I’ll only bring out the attitude if they deserve it, but if it is not worth my time I would just walk away
🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!) ~ My ability to be smart yet soooooo dumb all the time, I guess I can keep a conversation going but I’m so boring, and how I have no money yet I still online shop like I am rich 😂
đŸŸ what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it? ~ I am scared of so many things so it is hard to choose just one. But I try to overcome my fears by being forced into situations and if I don’t completely shut down it was a success lol
🎁 what never fails to make you happy? ~ Watching my favorite Disney movies, and baking treats for my friends
💙 what annoys you about some people? ~ When people are ignorant. And when they think their opinion is right and they won’t listen to anybody else with a different opinion because they are too scared to hear what anybody else has to say because maybe they are wrong
đŸ˜€ do you get angry easily? ~ No not really, I’m a pretty chill person for the most part I guess
🐇 what do you always daydream about? ~ This will sound cheesy but usually just going on cute dates with people because I’ve never been on a date and I want to experience that one day lol
đŸŒ» if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change? ~ How food is made and produced (animal rights), I would impeach the president and elect Bernie Sanders, and I would repeal any and all laws against transgender people using whatever bathrooms they want (and I would make everywhere change to gender neutral bathrooms)
✈ what is your dream city and why? ~ Oh boy that’s hard
 umm I used to say Seattle but lately it is Toronto because Canada seems pretty cool, but I also really want to travel back to Alaska because that was super fun (I know that’s not a city lol)
☕ talk about your ideal day. ~ Hmm it would be at Disneyland with Tricia because those are always so much fun
🌾 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert? ~ Totally introvert 100%
💧 when was the last time you cried? ~ I bottle up my emotions so I don’t cry until I explode which hasn’t been for a while (I know that’s bad and I’m working on it kind of haha)
đŸŽ” name 5 songs you love at the moment. ~ Hey There Delilah by Plain White T’s, Sippy Cup by Melanie Martinez, Lullaby by Front Porch Step, All Time Low by Jon Bellion, and How Far I’ll Go from Moana
âšĄïž if you had any superpower, what would it be and why? ~ probably flight so that I wouldn’t have to pay for gas or expensive plane flights anymore haha
💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say? ~ You will learn how true friends act, and these people are not your real friends. And keep in touch with your middle school friends because those are real people who actually like you. And don’t go to college where it snows because you will hate it 😂
💚 who are you jealous of and why? ~ Skinny people because they can actually find clothes that fit and aren’t embarrassed when they shop with friends (I’m not really jealous just petty haha)
💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why? ~ Intelligence so that the schools would pay for my education
🙊 what are you ashamed of? ~ That the ignorant people surrounding me run their mouths without knowing any real facts or information and talk based solely on judgement and opinions
đŸŒș which languages do you know? which do you want to learn? ~ I know English and a tiny tiny bit of Spanish. I am learning ASL and I want to become better with my Spanish. I also want to learn Mandarin
🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be? ~ I want to be Katara’s best friend
☁ talk about your dream universe. ~ Refer to đŸŒ» and 🌠 plus all animals in shelters and pounds would have owners and global warming goes down and better education systems are in place
💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today? ~ I’m going to tell my friends I love them and I will clean up the house for my mom so she doesn’t have to stress about it
🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why? ~ Either a dolphin or a hawk so I can explore the sea or fly and see the world from the air
🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike. ~ I hate racism, homophobia, misogynists, feminists who aren’t intersectional, islamophobia, transphobia, TERFs, and other people/things of these natures
😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately. ~ Hahahahaha everything
đŸȘ what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now? ~ I wanted to be a chef and now I want to be a nurse
🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods? ~ Icecream and Starbucks fraps get me every time 😂😂
🍑 what are you obsessed with? ~ Hmm right now it is politics and online shopping but it changes all the time haha
💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed? ~ On the outside I am pretty good at hiding the stress but on the inside I am screaming. I can handle stress well in my opinion and usually I try to find out what is stressing me and either fix it or end it all together
đŸ˜Ș what are you sick of? ~ Cis white men
🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker? ~ No not at all
đŸ’„ what are some unpopular opinions that you have? ~ I hate any and all fast food (including in n out 😂), I also hate pasta and rice (I love bread though lol)
☔ would you consider yourself a good person? ~ It depends on the day. Some days I think I’m good, but most days I feel like I’m a terrible person haha
😊 what do you like to do as hobbies? ~ I used to play softball and golf, but now my hobbies mostly include baking, watching Netflix and YouTube, and online shopping
đŸŽ€ what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself? ~ Does it count if I was singing Hawaiian Rollercoaster Ride in the shower?
🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it? ~ Oh boy it’s hard to pick just one.. but I think the worst has to be that I can be selfish at times. Especially when protecting myself from getting hurt by other people, I tend to be selfish and just push people away before they hurt me so that I can protect myself, but that in turn hurts the other person
🎹 what do you always doodle when you’re bored? ~ I cannot doodle at all I have no artistic talent in any sort! I color when I’m bored though haha
đŸ» what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams? ~ The economy. If I could open my bakery/cafĂ© without the hugeeee chance it will fail I wouldn’t be going to school to become a nurse
đŸŒ· what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you? ~ INTJ and I think it suits me because I am introverted, intuitive in situations, I think more than I feel, and I judge rather than perceive
👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why? ~ Selena Gomez, Zendaya, Lilly Singh, and Dwayne Johnson are my top 4 because I feel like they use their platforms to stand up for what is right and they also empower people to do the right thing and be better people
🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person? ~ On the outside people would say no because I act like a stone cold bitch, but when you get to know me you realize that yes I am emotional and I feel things very deeply lol
📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them. ~ I don’t know quotes off the top of my head but my favorite books are Looking for Alaska, The Fault in our Stars, and Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help? ~ I sit in my room and try to distract myself and usually that doesn’t work
😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad? ~ Knowing that I won’t feel like this all the time and maybe tomorrow I won’t feel as bad
🌍 which country do you live in? ~ USA
🐧 describe yourself in 3 words. ~ Lazy, boring, and a hopeless romantic
đŸ” which quotes changed you? ~ Nothing stands out to me
💭 do you keep a diary? ~ I keep a journal
đŸ’« who inspires you? ~ Refer to 👑
đŸ‘» do you believe in ghosts and why? ~ Yes yes yes because I just believe lol
🎀 what’s your fashion sense like? ~ Lazy, could be considered “athleisure”, comfortable
🎬 what are some of your favourite films? ~ Lilo and Stitch, Moana, Up, Princess and the Frog, Tangled, Grease, Hairspray, Elf, How the Grinch Stole Christmas
🍩 what is one treasured childhood memory? ~ Going to Lake Casitas and/or Pismo Beach every year
đŸ± what’s your dream pet like? ~ I want a couple Pit Bull Terriers
đŸŒ if you could meet anyone, who would it be? ~ That’s so hard!!! Maybe Lilly Singh, Remi Cruz, Zendaya, or the Rock
Thanks for the super long ask lil bee 💗🐝
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angry-pan-ace · 4 years
Text
Intense Pedophilia and Grooming Trigger warning
but, I never really see myself as a "victim" of grooming or pedophilia but there's many times like tonight where I remember that I... really was. by many people actually. theI had a friend trying to get me into giantess and feet fetish stuff when I was as young as 14/15. I literally have art of it on here still. I remember them calling me mature for my age. We talked about sexual stuff all the time and even eventually had a sex rp. I even showed nudes and stuff as well to them. I can't remember how old I was but I don't think I was a minor at the time. Now I don't even want to talk to anymore despite him being what I had considered a good friend. I get a weird feeling whenever I think about him. I remember him pushing me to vore either his muse or someone elses and promised me a commission if I did it. OF course I wanted a commission so I did. I remember a lot of pushyness and red flags I just kinda ignored or didn't see when I was younger. another one of his friends was someone I talked to often that also did sexual stuff with me. Wouldn't tell me off or anything and would instigate it. I can barely remember what but I remembered I talked about sexual stuff with him and a particular "Younger people can have fantasies about older people and I"m not gonna stop that" sort of thing. There was another guy in his 30s that actually helped me figure out I was bi by pretending to be a girl and initiating rp with my female muse. That was also around when I was 15 ish and continued way longer than it should have. It stepped up from muses to wanting to have sex rps as just him and I. He made comments about how my parents had the same age gap. We stopped talking many times and he'd come back with some "id rather be friends without sexual rps than not be friends" but ultimately he eventually went away and bitched me out because I kept not wanting to have sex rps with him but would talk about sexual things on my NSFW blog about myself. Not in a sexual way, mind you. Just talking about my experiences. If I remember correctly this was either right before or around the time I was 18. I also had another friend that I was really attached to. Our main ocs were together for years, had kids, and I had known them since around the same age. We did nsfw rps and stuff too despite an age gap. We talked about pretty much everything. Things I don't even think I'll ever bring up again. They talked about incest stuff a lot. Felt the same way that I did in the sense of it being fake and harmless. They did a lot of things that made me uncomfortable but the tipping point was when he kept making offhand scenario/jokes that their ponysona that I shipped my ponysona with was a "Philly fiddler." AKA pedo. Situations with minor canon chars and his char. when I brought it up when I ended up ghosting them, they mentioned It was a phase, and I'll respect that from them because I also had uncomfortable "phases" that I've mentioned,. but it still made me uncomfortable as shit and I should've talked about it when it was happening. He also had a lot of political ideals I disagreed with but obviously that's a bit of a tangent and not an accusation. I remember seeing something relatively recently when I started missing him and checked his blog out, about that kid that was forced to dance for older men, and there was some snarky comment about "But it's okay for Tumblr because it's gay." and like. I don't even want to go into how wrong and homophobic that is but yeah. They said shit like that a lot despite trying to claim to be lgbtq+ positive. Despite all that I've yet to find a friend like them even after nearly 4 years of not talking with them anymore. Someone I trust and confided in everything with and talked with on a nearly daily basis. I miss the interaction still but my social presence get worse and worse on here as time goes by, and I don't think I ever will find someone I'll connect with like that again and it sucks knowing that they'll be it. I also around this time (and longer than I'd like to talk about) I used to be into horrible shit. I remember drawing incest porn of two of my characters. I used to have a noncon fetish and had a few drawings with that I've since deleted. Things that I defended when I was younger for the same reasons I still see today. "It's fiction. Its not reality." "I'm not actually into noncon/incest IRL and hate it, and know the difference between it and fiction." "Fantasizing isn't the same as actually doing it." I'm sure you've heard it all. Not really questioning or wondering why I thought it was acceptable in the form of fiction when I hated it in reality. Not thinking or understanding how this could hurt people, rather they were victims or NOT. All this, it hurts because I know I instigated a fair amount of these things, being painfully cringy and downright bold and even pushy about how horny I was as a developing kid, and because of that feel responsible for it. But, god damn I was just a fucking kid. Going through feelings and physical changes and shit I didn't even understand, and was nothing but taken advantage of by these people. While part of me feels guilt and shame for my actions, the other part of me remembers that these were fucking adult men leagues older than I was (with the exception of one who was only a few years older than me) that should've known better. It feels humiliating even thinking and talking about the things that happened, yet I can't even fucking imagine talking or dealing with a 15 year old like they did with me. It puts a knot in my stomach. and while I have that I also have instances of people the same age acting 100 percent responsibly with me that I still consider my friends to this day. It's just so fucking awful what happened. The internet can have such amazing things on it but also so much fucking trash and garbage. If any other kid my age came up to me and told me what I've said now, I'd hurt me so much. I'd feel so much anger towards the people who hurt them and I'd look at them like fucking scum. Yet I don't with them. Yet I don't even consider myself a victim. And tonight it makes me wonder how many others experienced a similar or even the same thing that feel the same way. Who feel "Lucky" because they were never actually physically assaulted like I feel. Who feel like it was just a part of them growing up as a woman like I did. Or that feel completely differently than I do and actually hurt but have no outlet to talk about it. and I remember my family trying to stop it. My dad was livid when he found out I was talking with adults online. My sister suspected some of the stuff I was doing but I played it off because I was a stupid kid. They could've helped me if I had just let them. If you're a minor that happened to stumble here, don't trust a single adult that's willing to be sexual with you. Or calls you mature. or approaches you with anything sexual. Don't do it. Even if they seem like a decent person, they aren't. It's not different between you and them.. It's not harmless. It may not even seem wrong to you at the time, but I can tell you it's wrong. It's awful. If you're an adult and a minor approaches you sexually. Ignore it. Tell them off. Do not interact with them even if you think they're "Mature" enough. Dont' be fucking gross and misuse your power over them. You should know better period. You have no rhyme or reason to act this way and have no excuse. You know better. and I don't wonder if this is why I have so many problems with my sexuality, or asexuality rather. Sometimes I even wonder if it's why I'm asexual. Every time I tried to express it when I was younger was either in a completely unsafe environment or it failed miserably. I was fat and "ugly" and the weird kid, no one but the town horndog wanted to fuck me and that went fucking horrible. Plus, sex ed is a fucking joke around here. absolutely nothing about boundaries or making sure your partner is comfortable or anything actually useful was covered, things I frankly feel I need more of than the average person. Rather I think I'm a victim or not, Rather I think about these things or not, They've affected me for the rest of my life on how I handle and do certain things.   This shit isn't okay. It never will be okay, and I will never support it no matter how many people wanna call me an """Anti""" or what the fuck ever, and I get sick to my stomach thinking that I know people who do. Not from a "Fandom" standpoint either. It's something I've felt for years before the stupid "Anti" and "Anti-anti" terms came to be. This shit harms kids rather you think it does or not. Fiction impacts. It's important as hell, especially fandom based writings and fictions. If you don't approach these subjects with tact, and end up normalizing it/defending it, it hurts people. It gets so frustrating to see the same people that talk about how much fanfics and fandom artist drawings have impacted their lives, how beautiful they are to them, but also have the audacity to say that "Fiction isn't real, it's not hurting anyone." or "it's just fiction writing don't like it don't read" when talking about harmful shit like Incest, abuse romanticizing, pedophilia, ect.
0 notes
ashleyjacksonblog · 7 years
Text
10 Deep Questions To Ask Your Partner If You Want To Make Your Connection Stronger
In a 2015 New York Times “Modern Love” article, Mandy Len Catron wrote about a study orchestrated by psychologist Arthur Aron in which two strangers fell in love in a laboratory by staring into each others’ eyes for four minutes and asking each other 36 questions. Catron tried the experiment IRL, documented it, and the piece went viral. Is it really possible to fall in love after 36 questions? I’m not sure. I do know, however, that asking questions is key in any relationship. So what are the right deep questions to ask your boyfriend or girlfriend to make your connection stronger?
While it sounds intimidating, I feel like Aron’s experiment could in fact be a good place to start when thinking about what to ask your partner to get to know them in that next-level deep way. You could even try the whole stare-into-each-others’-eyes-for-four-minutes thing if you’re feeling super brave. (I actually did this with strangers in Brooklyn for an internet video, and it was TERRIFYING.)
The 36 questions range from things you may already know about your partner like, “Would you like to be famous?” to hard hitters like, “If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?” I perused Aron’s 36 questions and borrowed ten that I think could help deepen an already committed, love-filled relationship. Here they are:
1. “If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?”
What Happens When You Finally Reveal Your Flaws To Your SO
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True, you’ve probably already discussed your respective childhoods with each other, but the specificity of this question makes it both difficult to answer and pretty telling (not that I’m a therapist). I am struggling to think about how to answer this question, and I hesitate to put my answer into print because I love my parents and they took great care of me; I’d never want them to feel badly. Sharing something this private with someone inevitably will bring you closer.
2. “What is your most treasured memory?”
Marija Mandic/Stocksy
I like this question because while you may predict that your partner will reply with something like “finding out I got into law school” or “my trip to Patagonia,” the chances are the memory will be something more obscure, perhaps from childhood. Learning about a moment in your partner’s life that you weren’t there for is super intimate. (Oh, and this was designed for strangers to answer, so tell them there’s no pressure to make it a memory with you
)
3. “What is your most terrible memory?”
Jovo Jovanovic/Stocksy
OK, sorry to be a buzzkill here. This question is not the most fun to ask/answer, but sharing a difficult memory will undeniably bond you and your person. I lost my mom to cancer this year, and it’s been tricky navigating certain first dates when terms like “your parents” or “what does your mom do?” come up, but each time I have briefly shared what’s going on — don’t worry, I don’t go full meltdown on first dates — I’ve felt a bit liberated. Talking about terrible things is healthy, right?
4. “Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.”
Couples Who Act Gross Are Happier
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This isn’t exactly a question, but it is from the list of 36 questions, so let’s say it counts. This is fun because you get to give compliments while simultaneously getting them, and who doesn’t love being complimented? It’s also a really nice way to clearly outline for your partner what you like about them. You can go real meta and say: “I love your ability to state your feelings clearly.”
5. “When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?”
Kevin Gilgan
Sh*t just got real. Does crying during Savasana during yoga in a dark room count as in front of other people? If so, yesterday. I think this is an important question to ask yourself, as well as your partner. Again, the vulnerability required to answer this will bring you and your partner closer.
6. “What does friendship mean to you?”
Why Guys Need To Go On More Man Dates
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This could seem silly because if you are dating you already know their friends well, but different people will answer this in very different ways. See if you and your bae feel the same about what being “BFFs” means. (Maybe you both feel the same way about captioning every couple’s photo you post with them “me and my best friend!”
 in that it’s tired, so no thank you.)
7. “Complete this sentence: ‘I wish I had someone with whom I could share
’”
Robert Zaleski/Stocksy
If your partner easily takes offense, maybe this isn’t the question to ask them. They might meet you with “BABE, you can share anything with me though. WTF?” At the same time, if you actually answer this question, you’re going to share the thing, so maybe it’s a win-win? Another difficult question to answer, but very telling.
8. “Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.”
Daring Wanderer/Stocksy
Mayyyybe you told your SO about that time you accidentally peed your pants, when in fact you had accidentally number two-ed them. You and your partner probably know about or have witnessed each other doing some pretty embarrassing things. To deepen your intimacy, share an embarrassing moment you haven’t told them about or reveal all the details about that embarrassing story you pared down for them early on in dating so as not to repel them. Either way, this is a fun one.
9. “If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?”
Ryan Tuttle/Stocksy
If saying “I love you” has been an issue for one of you, or if there is a proposal that just can’t seem to come slowly enough, maybe skip this question. However, if you really think about this and answer it truly, you’re going to find out a lot about your partner. Maybe it’s an old boss, an estranged family member, or even an old flame
 um, scratch that last one. Maybe try not to bring up exes you wish you had said “I love you” to.
10. “Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?”
How You Know When You're In Love.
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This. Is. So. Hard. Because I live in a tiny apartment in New York, and because I want to save it all. I think I would grab notes that I have saved from my mom, because her handwriting is so important to me. I like to think her energy is still hanging around all of those birthday cards in some way. I think the way your partner answers this will teach you a lot about them. It’s a tricky question to answer honestly.
There you have it: 10 questions from Aron’s experiment that I found particularly interesting. You don’t have to sit down and grill your partner on a Tuesday, but these are far more interesting questions than, “How was your day?” Even the simple fact that you bring up a question like this to someone will let them know how much you care and how interested you are in getting to know all of them. Who knows? I might delete all my dating apps and try this out with the barista who always gives me the free coffees tomorrow. Happy answering.
Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.
youtube
Subscribe to Elite Daily’s official newsletter, The Edge, for more stories you don’t want to miss.
10 Deep Questions To Ask Your Partner If You Want To Make Your Connection Stronger
from Meet Positives http://ift.tt/2wWf5vG via IFTTT
0 notes
chadpetersondatingblog · 7 years
Text
10 Deep Questions To Ask Your Partner If You Want To Make Your Connection Stronger
In a 2015 New York Times “Modern Love” article, Mandy Len Catron wrote about a study orchestrated by psychologist Arthur Aron in which two strangers fell in love in a laboratory by staring into each others’ eyes for four minutes and asking each other 36 questions. Catron tried the experiment IRL, documented it, and the piece went viral. Is it really possible to fall in love after 36 questions? I’m not sure. I do know, however, that asking questions is key in any relationship. So what are the right deep questions to ask your boyfriend or girlfriend to make your connection stronger?
While it sounds intimidating, I feel like Aron’s experiment could in fact be a good place to start when thinking about what to ask your partner to get to know them in that next-level deep way. You could even try the whole stare-into-each-others’-eyes-for-four-minutes thing if you’re feeling super brave. (I actually did this with strangers in Brooklyn for an internet video, and it was TERRIFYING.)
The 36 questions range from things you may already know about your partner like, “Would you like to be famous?” to hard hitters like, “If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?” I perused Aron’s 36 questions and borrowed ten that I think could help deepen an already committed, love-filled relationship. Here they are:
1. “If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?”
What Happens When You Finally Reveal Your Flaws To Your SO
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True, you’ve probably already discussed your respective childhoods with each other, but the specificity of this question makes it both difficult to answer and pretty telling (not that I’m a therapist). I am struggling to think about how to answer this question, and I hesitate to put my answer into print because I love my parents and they took great care of me; I’d never want them to feel badly. Sharing something this private with someone inevitably will bring you closer.
2. “What is your most treasured memory?”
Marija Mandic/Stocksy
I like this question because while you may predict that your partner will reply with something like “finding out I got into law school” or “my trip to Patagonia,” the chances are the memory will be something more obscure, perhaps from childhood. Learning about a moment in your partner’s life that you weren’t there for is super intimate. (Oh, and this was designed for strangers to answer, so tell them there’s no pressure to make it a memory with you
)
3. “What is your most terrible memory?”
Jovo Jovanovic/Stocksy
OK, sorry to be a buzzkill here. This question is not the most fun to ask/answer, but sharing a difficult memory will undeniably bond you and your person. I lost my mom to cancer this year, and it’s been tricky navigating certain first dates when terms like “your parents” or “what does your mom do?” come up, but each time I have briefly shared what’s going on — don’t worry, I don’t go full meltdown on first dates — I’ve felt a bit liberated. Talking about terrible things is healthy, right?
4. “Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.”
Couples Who Act Gross Are Happier
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This isn’t exactly a question, but it is from the list of 36 questions, so let’s say it counts. This is fun because you get to give compliments while simultaneously getting them, and who doesn’t love being complimented? It’s also a really nice way to clearly outline for your partner what you like about them. You can go real meta and say: “I love your ability to state your feelings clearly.”
5. “When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?”
Kevin Gilgan
Sh*t just got real. Does crying during Savasana during yoga in a dark room count as in front of other people? If so, yesterday. I think this is an important question to ask yourself, as well as your partner. Again, the vulnerability required to answer this will bring you and your partner closer.
6. “What does friendship mean to you?”
Why Guys Need To Go On More Man Dates
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This could seem silly because if you are dating you already know their friends well, but different people will answer this in very different ways. See if you and your bae feel the same about what being “BFFs” means. (Maybe you both feel the same way about captioning every couple’s photo you post with them “me and my best friend!”
 in that it’s tired, so no thank you.)
7. “Complete this sentence: ‘I wish I had someone with whom I could share
’”
Robert Zaleski/Stocksy
If your partner easily takes offense, maybe this isn’t the question to ask them. They might meet you with “BABE, you can share anything with me though. WTF?” At the same time, if you actually answer this question, you’re going to share the thing, so maybe it’s a win-win? Another difficult question to answer, but very telling.
8. “Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.”
Daring Wanderer/Stocksy
Mayyyybe you told your SO about that time you accidentally peed your pants, when in fact you had accidentally number two-ed them. You and your partner probably know about or have witnessed each other doing some pretty embarrassing things. To deepen your intimacy, share an embarrassing moment you haven’t told them about or reveal all the details about that embarrassing story you pared down for them early on in dating so as not to repel them. Either way, this is a fun one.
9. “If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?”
Ryan Tuttle/Stocksy
If saying “I love you” has been an issue for one of you, or if there is a proposal that just can’t seem to come slowly enough, maybe skip this question. However, if you really think about this and answer it truly, you’re going to find out a lot about your partner. Maybe it’s an old boss, an estranged family member, or even an old flame
 um, scratch that last one. Maybe try not to bring up exes you wish you had said “I love you” to.
10. “Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?”
How You Know When You're In Love.
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This. Is. So. Hard. Because I live in a tiny apartment in New York, and because I want to save it all. I think I would grab notes that I have saved from my mom, because her handwriting is so important to me. I like to think her energy is still hanging around all of those birthday cards in some way. I think the way your partner answers this will teach you a lot about them. It’s a tricky question to answer honestly.
There you have it: 10 questions from Aron’s experiment that I found particularly interesting. You don’t have to sit down and grill your partner on a Tuesday, but these are far more interesting questions than, “How was your day?” Even the simple fact that you bring up a question like this to someone will let them know how much you care and how interested you are in getting to know all of them. Who knows? I might delete all my dating apps and try this out with the barista who always gives me the free coffees tomorrow. Happy answering.
Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.
youtube
Subscribe to Elite Daily’s official newsletter, The Edge, for more stories you don’t want to miss.
10 Deep Questions To Ask Your Partner If You Want To Make Your Connection Stronger
from Meet Positives http://ift.tt/2wWf5vG via IFTTT
0 notes