#a little bullshittery I wrote yesterday for my country's liberation day :D

[lactodebillus-bulgaricus]

3rd of march. bulgaria is going to party with his friends. meanwhile, in the afterlife, bulgar and onoghur are talking.

bulgar: our son has his national holiday today, what are we going to get him?

onoghur: wait which one?

bulgar: omg how could u not know, it's about time for u to become more involved with their lives!

onoghur: yeah as if ur very engaged with their lives, ur starting to wonder what kind of gift to get him on the day of celebration instead of deciding, u know, days or weeks before!

bulgar: well at least I know when our son has his national holiday!

onoghur: yeah ok ur right u win this time. but still, u didn't tell me which son of ours celebrates on march the 3rd?

bulgar: the one on danube. it's his liberation day from ottoman oppression. what are we going to get him? got any ideas?

onoghur: well we can't get him anything from the afterlife cuz it'd just phase through him.

bulgar: yeah we'll go into the world of living, do u have any idea what we'll get him?

onoghur: why are u asking me, weren't u berating me for not being involved with him enough a moment ago? how could I know what to get him?

bulgar: oh right ur right. I can't think of anything right now so let's go into the world of living.

*they pass through something like a portal*

they arrive in some sort of a shopping center and attract people's attention with their arrival, medieval clothing and the fact that they're semi-transparent and glowing. most people think this is some sort of hologram/art installation initially so they whip out their phones and start recording, but then they realize something else is going on when onoghur and bulgar start walking around.

onoghur: damn bulgar look people are giving us weird looks :D u know what this means?

bulgar: we can scare them into giving us whatever we want for free! :D

onoghur: yes :D btw look at this embroidered shirt, maybe we could get him this

bulgar: nahh he already has like a shitton of embroidered shirts that he's embroidered himself. besides, let's get him something bigger! something that makes people respect and fear him!

onoghur: like a warhorse or a sword or a bow?

bulgar: nobody uses these things today. I'm thinking, let's get him an AR, or a tank :D with our ghost powers, we can do anything!

'or a new bugatti'

onoghur and bulgar turn around and see avar.

onoghur: avar wtf what are u doing here?

avar: well after my state crumbled and was taken over by ur son, I lived my final years in pliska and I was something like a father figure to him. I overheard u talking but before I could come and tell u anything, I saw u hop into that portal and I decided to follow u. I wanna get him a gift too :D

bulgar: well who cares about a bugatti! let's get him a tank, or a helicopter!

avar: if we steal one of these things, the army will be on our asses. they will find bulgaria, cause him problems and get the tank or the helicopter back. besides, if his bosses wanted him to have one of these things, they would give him one. also, he has access to all the tanks and shit in the bulgarian army, he's bulgaria after all! but the bugatti, that's something else. having such an expensive car says 'look at me, I have power, I can buy u and sell u, I can help u or destroy u, u'd better be on my good side, I can do stuff u can only dream about, I'm on a whole another level'. why do u think gold and silver and silk and all the other luxurious stuff was so important to me when I was alive?

onoghur: but wouldn't police get on our asses if we steal the bugatti?

avar: well... we'll intimidate people with our ghost powers so they don't call the police :D

*they steal a bugatti and intimidate the owner into not calling the police*

bulgar: ok so I have the most experience with the modern human world out of us three, I know how to drive a car. I'll be the driver.

avar: there are only two seats in the car and there's three of us.

onoghur: well avar I guess ur gonna have to go home or sit in my lap

avar: wait why?

onoghur: how else are we supposed to fit in that car? now if it was bulgar, there'd be no problem but I'm not sitting in some other dude's lap dammit

bulgar: bruhhh there's enough space one of u could fit in the middle, between the two seats

*they manage to somehow fit in the car*

*bulgar drives it to his son's place. there are several collisions, but it's ok, he's using his ghost powers so his car doesn't get damaged*

*they arrive in the evening, during the party. onoghur and avar leave while bulgar starts honking so his son hears the sound and comes out of the house*

bulgaria opens the front door and his jaw drops. romania, greece, serbia and turkey peek through the door and their mouths are open agape.

onoghur and avar: HAPPY LIBERATION DAY, BULGARIA!!! :DDDD

bulgar: *gets out of the car* son we got u the best car cuz u deserve it :D

meanwhile, the tv in bul's living room *loud as fuck* : GHOSTS STOLE A SPORTS CAR AND DROVE IT ALL THE WAY TO BOYANA RESIDENCE, CAUSING SEVERAL TRAFFIC INCIDENTS IN THE PROCESS. THEY WERE FILMED DISCUSSING THE ROBBERY THEY WERE ABOUT TO COMMIT IN PARADISE MALL EARLIER.

*police sirens are heard, they intensify, cops and teams of ghostbusters arrive*

america is one of the ghostbusters

america: I AINT AFRAID OF NO GHOST

what happened later is hard to describe with words. perhaps AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAILHJKFKLGUKGHLKJKKKKKKKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUJJJJJJJJJKKKKKKKKKJHBVVVVVVVVVVVVVDDDDDDDDDDDHHSSPSOHSPSSJHHSHHHKRRFFFF is sufficient. but that's a story for another time. let's say that bul had to stay at someone else's place for a while and he didn't want to see his parents for even a longer time.