#a lot of people rave about the box of delights but i just couldn’t get into that one

[silverfoxstole]

If you’re looking for something different to watch this Christmas, I recommend this BBC series from 1986, which was faithfully adapted from Lucy M Boston’s book of the same name. Made ostensibly for children, it’s still very enjoyable as an adult, and parts of it stuck with me for over thirty years after just one viewing!

Young Toseland thinks he’s going to be stuck alone at boarding school for the holidays until a letter arrives from the great-grandmother he has never met asking him to come and stay with her. It’s not long before he discovers that she isn’t the only one living in the house…

[absentcaryatid]

A Birthday to Remember

An ATEEZ Seonghwa x Reader fanfic by AbsentCaryatid

Seonghwa has purchased an adult toy for your birthday and is eager to help put it to use. If the night goes as he hopes, he will be playing with you for a long time.

1.4K words, Content note: Gender neutral reader, humor

~

Seonghwa knows what you want, knows how to please you. For weeks he has been keeping it secret but tonight he will reveal all. You have been dating almost a year now and he wanted to mark the occasion with something really special in honor of your birthday and he had just what you had been longing for. He understood you were curious if you were up to the challenge. The thought of getting to be the man who provided this first in your life left him restless and eager to get on with the evening.

He could see the excitement when he whispered in your ear what his plans were once he took you home. Tonight you would go all out and try something new. It was difficult not to speed through the rest of the meal in anticipation over what was to come. Your face displayed such open desire and Seonghwa could not help but feel an equal interest.

Abandoning plans for dessert, the bill was paid quickly and you rushed to his car. Looking for all the world like two young people in love, for that’s what you were, you kept glancing at each other and grinning. Once home, he escorted you to the bedroom where he presented you with the gift. From his hints at the restaurant you already knew what you would be getting up to and it had you salivating. Kissing him passionately before unwrapping, you marveled once you saw it in person. “I had no idea it was so big.”

“You flatter me,” Seonghwa laughed, “it is not like it is The Titanic.”

“It practically is.” Tracing the outline you couldn’t help but gasp as you took in all the details. “And so hard!” Although you had not opened the large box yet the picture on the outside told you a long-held dream was about to come true. Tonight you would enjoy an 18+ toy you had your eye on from that special shop you liked to browse together. “Seonghwa, I can't believe you. You spent a fortune on me!”

“You are completely worth it, and so much more to me,” he said while caressing your cheek tenderly. “After reading about it online and seeing the rave reviews I knew I had to get it for your birthday.” Shyly he added, “I wanted to be the one to give you this pleasure. I think it will make you very happy.”

Squirming with anticipation you agreed, “Oh it will, I am sure.”

Seonghwa's excitement mirrored your own. “When checking out, the cashier gave me a big smile and said I was going to enjoy myself. He has one of these and it has brought him hours of delight. Even mentioned if I discover anything is missing or I just want help I could come to him.”

You covered your mouth and laughed, “The cute one who we see there all the time?”

“Yeah. I told him I already had a partner and it was going to be your birthday present.”

“Did he look disappointed?”

“No, but he suggestively said the offer is always open, he has everything I could need.”

“Maybe he wasn’t hitting on you. That could just be politeness and doing his job. It is probably store policy to say that but being as handsome as you are it’s far easier to tell you than the other customers.”

Looking back to the gift, you were still in shock. Seonghwa had spent a lot on you, far beyond what even your family would pay for presents. It only seemed fair he should get to enjoy this experience with you although you could use it alone. It was the least you could do to repay his generosity, and really there was no one else you wanted to try it with. You gave a kiss to his cheek in gratitude, making your boyfriend smile. “For so long I have been hesitant to try but tonight I will conquer my fears with your help.”

He took your hand and reassured, “I know the size is intimidating but we can go as slow as you need and stop at any point. Even go back to more familiar activities if it is too much for you.”

You nodded appreciatively but firmly stated, “Thank you, but it is time. I have waited long enough. I am ready for this challenge.”

Seonghwa looked at you with eyes filled with such a sense of love. “Choosing to do this with me is incredibly meaningful and I appreciate that.”

“I know you have been wanting to do this too. Still, you gave me all the time I needed until I was sure when you could have tried this without me, or even gone to another to be your partner.” You drew him close and kissed your boyfriend again then chuckled, “We’re gonna be up all night.”

Seonghwa gave a signature smirk, “I think we will be at it for days.” Wanting verbal confirmation before starting anything he held your hands and asked, “Are you ready?

“Yes, I really would love to do this with you, Seonghwa.”

“Thank you for letting me share your first time.”

“Of course it could only have ever been you. You are not only my boyfriend but also my best friend, and I know everything is more fun with you. I trust you to make this a good experience.”

“I will do my best, but keep in mind this is as new to me as it is to you. Sure, we have built up to this with prior activity, but I am no expert either.” Surveying the room Seonghwa remarked, “What do you think? On the bed, the floor, the dining room table?”

“Why don’t we go back to the living room and start on the couch? We can spread supplies out on the coffee table nearby.”

“Okay, tonight you are the boss.” He gathered what you needed from the bedroom and carried it downstairs. Wanting this to go as well as possible, a lot of time would need to be spent on setting up and preparation. While Seonghwa got drinks you flipped through the instruction manual of the gift and your sense of excitement grew. By the time he came back you were starting to get worked up, ready to tear into everything. However, it soon became obvious you did not have enough space. Being comfortable was a key part of enjoying this activity.

“I think we should move to the dining room table after all,” you suggested as bag after bag came out of the cardboard package, burying the table.

“I agree that would be for the best.” Seonghwa picked up the giant box, the biggest you had ever seen, boasting the 6,785 piece, expert level, Star Wars AT-AT LEGO set. You had both far surpassed the 18+ age recommendation the box warned but you knew your frustration tolerance could still make this a challenge. For your first set of this complexity having Seonghwa at your side would make it a much more pleasant activity. Together you swept the cellophane bags filled with more plastic blocks than you had ever seen in your life off the table back into the container to carry into the next room.

You smiled to yourself knowing this wasn’t a typical gift from a boyfriend or a way to spend the night together but it suited you both very well. Last summer you had helped Seonghwa put together his Millennium Falcon set and loved every minute of it. With the highest brick count of any LEGO model at the time, it weighed thirty-six pounds and required a lot of repeated flipping to complete the suggested age sixteen and up build. Seonghwa had been grateful for your help as you would be for his tonight.

Your AT-AT was rated more difficult which left you wary and would be about twenty hours of work like his had been, but you could think of no one better to tackle it with than Seonghwa. And then, if this first 18+ set went well you would save up for the latest largest model ever, a 9,090 piece, thirty hour project- The Titanic. It felt great to have relationship goals you and your boyfriend agreed on.

~

Masterlist

[jalapeno-princess]

What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?

Mark Tuan X Reader

Word Count: 4.5K

Genre: Fluff (Jealous boyfriend Mark) 

Summary: You and Mark have just started dating a little over a month ago and he made a vow to himself that he would allow you to take your relationship at the pace you are most comfortable with. With that being said, he has yet to make plans with you for New Year’s Eve assuming that you might already have a party to attend. After transferring to the company you’re currently working at, it didn’t take him long to notice how popular you’ve become amongst your colleagues; especially your male coworkers. It wasn’t till he heard more and more people inviting you to their gatherings did he realize that he was extremely jealous at the thought of someone else spending time with you on such a special day.

A/N: Based on the song by Clay Aiken “What Are you Doing New Year’s Eve?”

Maybe it's much too early in the game Ooh, but I thought I'd ask you just the same What are you doing New Year's New Year's eve?

Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight When it's exactly twelve o'clock that night Welcoming in the New Year New Year's eve

Maybe I'm crazy to suppose I'd ever be the one you chose Out of the thousand invitations You received

Ooh, but in case I stand one little chance Here comes the jackpot question in advance: What are you doing New Year's New Year's Eve?

Mark was not the jealous type—well, he never used to be. He hardly ever had a reason to. All Mark really ever cared about was his family, his friends, his dog Milo and his video games. 

If someone at work had gotten promoted or his manager would praise them for their hard work in front of all the employees in their field, he would congratulate them personally. If he was playing games online and one of the other players on his team were to lead the group to victory, he would cheer them on in excitement. 

However, watching one of his closest friends get a little too friendly and exceedingly close to you—he could feel his blood pressure rising. Ever since the day you were first introduced to one another; you captivated his heart in ways he never thought was possible for someone like him. 

You made him feel like such an amazing, wonderful and most important person in the entire world. You’ve changed his perspective on relationships completely—he knew you were going to be someone special in his life. 

Little did he know—you were going to be his main priority, the number one source of his happiness, the first thing on his mind when he wakes up and the last thing he thinks about before he goes to bed. Around three months ago, you transferred over to his company after moving to California with the intention of getting better housing and work opportunities. 

Since you were already working for the same company back home, you were used to the job and the responsibilities you were expected to complete. It didn’t take much time for you to get settled in to a new yet familiar work environment. However, your manager insisted that you were to shadow another one of your colleagues who just so happened to be Mark. 

He wasn’t going to lie—you were honestly the most beautiful person he’s ever laid his eyes on and that said a lot. Mark thought that almost every girl he’s ever met was pretty; all girls were beautiful in their own ways. But you—you vehemently stood out to him. He’d find himself unable to stop gazing at you to the point where he had to practically yank his attention away from you in fear of looking like a weirdo. 

Not only did you have some of the prettiest eyes he was sure he could get lost in every time he’d hold a conversation with you, but you had perfectly shaped eyebrows, a soft yet sharpened jaw, delicate cheekbones, the most adorable nose and your lips—God you couldn’t even get him started about your lips. They were shaped like a heart—your lips looked so delicate; so kissable and there was nothing he wanted more than to smash his mouth against yours. 

His attraction towards you went beyond your breathtaking looks though; he was confident that you had to have the biggest heart of all the people he knew—and you had such a friendly, bright and bubbly personality. You radiated this energy that was extremely contagious; it seemed like everyone at work began to catch on to what an amazing person you were. 

He’d walk past your desk and see someone new every single time trying to get your attention—more so a lot of your male coworkers. Mark couldn’t blame them though, you were nothing short of perfect. You had everything a man could want in a significant other and more—so much more. 

It took him a while to realize it, but he knew he was developing feelings for you when he found himself growing envious of all the guys who were confident enough to have an actual conversation with you that had nothing to do with work. 

Being the soft-spoken and extremely shy person everyone knew him to be, he didn’t have the courage to talk to you in the ways that he wished he could. However, Mark was well aware than if he didn’t act on his feelings for you, someone else would—and he wouldn’t be able to live with himself knowing that he missed out on a chance to be in a relationship with such an extraordinary person. 

He had no clue what you thought about him or if you even thought about him at all, but he didn’t care. If you weren’t to reciprocate his feelings, then he would accept the rejection for what it was and try his best to pretend that it didn’t affect him—yet he was hoping you at least considered him to be a decent guy in the few interactions that you’ve shared together. 

Mark bought you a beautiful bouquet of red roses and a box of chocolates—but he still lacked the confidence to approach you; so he left the gifts on your desk with a note that simply said “I like you...a lot-Mark” he cringed at his straightforwardness and mentally cursed himself for not being more creative.  What if you thought he was weird? Or unromantic? He couldn’t stop overthinking the entire situation but he left everything up to fate. 

To his surprise and delight, you went in to his office with the widest grin on your face—one that he’s had the amazing honor of getting to see on a daily basis. Being the reason behind your smile was something he desired frequently; every time he’d hear you laugh or if he caught you smiling at whoever it was that you were talking to, your reaction always seemed to fill his heart with so much joy and happiness. 

You walked over to him—you didn’t say anything and for some reason, it made him nervous. Even if you were smiling, it didn’t necessarily mean anything. For all Mark knew, you could have been giving him a smile out of pity—but the soft peck against his cheek said otherwise. 

“I like you too Mark.” 

He had a hard time grasping the fact that it’s been over a month since that very special day but at the same time, he heavily believed in the saying “time flies when you’re having fun.” That had to be the understatement of the year. This last month of dating you—getting to learn more about you as the days went on, taking you on cute little dates, holding your hand as you’d go out together, getting to kiss you whenever he wanted—well, other than at work—calling you up if the middle of the night if he couldn’t sleep and just wanted to hear your voice—he couldn’t even fathom in to words just how wonderful you were and how crazily in love with you he was. 

Mark was a hopeless romantic; he was in love with the idea of love, but his last few relationships honestly weren’t the best and because of his unfortunate experience, he didn’t think he was capable of loving someone nor did he believe someone would ever love him back. It was still early in your relationship for him to feel this way towards you—yet, he knew what he felt for you was more than just taking a liking to you. 

His heart physically hurt every time he had to drop you home; any moment spent without you made him feel numb--empty. You brought in so much color inside of his dull, black and white life that he wanted you around as much as he possibly could. He knew he was in love with you when he began making decisions based on what he believed you would prefer. 

When he began sacrificing his interests in order to please you; getting pepperoni pizza instead of his normal go to because you weren’t a fan of pineapple on pizza—giving his friends many different excuses as to why he couldn’t play video games with them because he was too busy solving a puzzle with you—raving to his mom about you over the phone and how he had a huge feeling she would adore you just as much as he did—praying for your health, success and happiness every morning when he woke up and every night before he went to bed, Mark knew he loved you. 

He had no intention on admitting that information to you anytime soon though. If it took him almost two months to confess his feelings in fear of you rejecting him, what more confessing that he loved you after only a month of dating? In fact—he allowed you to take your relationship at your pace. Every now and then, he would initiate a cuddle session—or he would kiss you when you’d least expect it, but he wanted you to take the lead and he was willing to follow the rate you were most comfortable with. 

You and Mark decided to keep your relationship a secret from everyone at work specifically because you were the kind of person who separated your work from your private life. You believed that  relationships were between two people and you wanted to keep it that way—if someone were to get involved in your relationship, Mark knew it would ultimately interfere with your work ethic and your outlook on dating him. He respected your wishes and only showed affection towards you when no one was around. 

It made your alone together much more intimate and he honestly preferred it that way. A lot of your dates were at least an hour drive away from town because you didn’t want anyone from work to find out about the two of you. He couldn’t quite put his finger on why he was so bothered seeing Jackson talk to you, it’s not like it’s never happened before. 

The elder boy was trying his best to focus on his task at hand and even started to type out a proposal for a potential client—but it was hard seeing as though your desk was right outside of his office and he could hear his loud, and extremely obnoxious friend attempting to flirt with you. He continued to type away at his computer, however, everything he was writing made zero sense. 

There was no point in trying to focus on anything other than what Jackson was telling you. Mark was confident in the feelings you had for him—he wasn’t cocky or narcissistic, but he knew by the way you would always check up on him, how you went over to his apartment two weeks ago when he caught a cold and nursed him back to health, how you always purchase a drink for him when you go down to the coffee shop in the lobby on your break and how you always seem to have the need to touch him when the two of you are alone together, he was well aware that you cared about him just as much as he did with you. 

You might not love him or be in love with him just yet, but he had a feeling—or at least hoped you would very soon. Mark was ready to call you in to his office in attempts to get you away from the unrelenting younger boy, but then Jackson asked you a question that both sparked his curiosity and made his skin crawl. 

“Hey y/n, my friends and I are throwing a New Year’s Eve party. It’s going to be held at my friend’s parent’s beach house. It’ll be a lot of fun, I promise.” 

Mark could feel his blood boiling at the sound of Jackson’s hopeful invitation. It wasn’t like he knew that you were already taken, so Mark had no right to feel bothered if someone were to try and make a move on you. As your boyfriend though, he wanted to be the only one to flirt with you playfully--he wanted to be the only one who did anything romantic with you and for you. 

It only occurred to him that he himself had yet to ask you what you were doing. In the last week, he’s watched at least eight of your colleagues go up to you and invite you to a party. He’d smile every time you politely let them down, knowing that you didn’t want to hurt their feelings but also had not desire in going with them. You were always so considerate like that—a trait of yours that Mark was very fond of. 

You cared about people’s feelings and you never wanted to let anyone down—you’d sacrifice your time and energy for the sake of others. That was something the two of you had in common; Mark believed wholeheartedly that the two of you had the same mindset—same souls and spirit, just in two different bodies. He’d like to think that you both meshed well together and complimented the other perfectly. 

When he heard silence on your end—he felt himself choke up—waiting for your response. This was the first time you didn’t automatically give the “I’m sorry, I already have plans” response and he was soon growing nervous. His palms were sweating and he was visibly freaking out. 

Mark wasn’t used to this—getting jealous—worrying about being a second choice in someone else’s life—caring about what someone else thought about him—depending on the comfort of someone else. This is why he was so hesitant on getting in to a relationship; he didn’t want to depend on someone else for happiness. You were worth it though. It had only been a month—the best month of his entire life if he was telling the truth—but Mark knew he would do anything you asked him to. That fact alone scared him but sent fire to his bones. 

Everything about you—every single little thing did wonders to his heart and he could only hope you’d stick around in his life for a long time because he didn’t think there was anyone else in the entire world that could make him feel so loved, cared for—so important and just so at home the way you seemingly never failed to. Deep in his chest, Mark could feel that you were his person and there was no way in hell that he would let anyone or anything take you away from him. 

“Oh—I—um—I actually already have plans. I’m sorry Jackson, but thank you for the invitation. I’m sure it will be a great party. I should get back to work.” 

The breath of relief that fell from Mark’s lips felt like a breath of fresh air. He felt bad for his younger friend, but he was practically sitting on the edge of his seat, tormenting himself while waiting for your answer. It only occurred to him that he had yet to ask you what you were doing on New Year’s Eve. You never mentioned going home to visit your family nor did you say anything about going to a bar or hanging with some friends. 

Why didn’t he ask you what your plans were earlier or if you actually had plans and weren’t using that as an excuse to let Jackson and your other coworkers down gently? Mark wasn’t doing anything—well, every year since moving out of his parent’s house, he’d go and spend time with his family—lighting up a few fireworks, watching a couple of movies, teaching his nieces how to hold sparklers so they wouldn’t get hurt and counting down the seconds to the new year. 

This year was different though. He didn’t care how he’d end up spending New Years, all he cared about was having you there with him wherever he decided to go—whether it was to his parents house or simply just staying inside and lounging around his apartment. 

Was it still considerably too early in your relationship to be introducing you to his family though? From what he’s heard from his friends, you don’t normally bring your significant other to meet your parents until a couple months in to the relationship—but Mark didn’t care. Time didn’t define nor measure anything. He knew he was serious about you and he was sure his family would love you—almost as much as he did. However, he was afraid that asking you to do something so big, so soon like meeting his parents would ultimately frighten you and lead you to the decision that he was taking this relationship too fast for your liking.

Knowing how you were though, Mark didn’t think you would do anything to make him feel uncomfortable. For all he knew, you could just be honest and say you weren’t ready to take that huge step just yet and he’d be totally fine with that. 

Once he no longer heard Jackson’s loud voice booming throughout the room, he finally felt at ease and returned back to his computer. A few minutes after he began looking through some emails, he heard a soft knock on his door and he smiled softly to himself. He didn’t need to ask who it was—he knew your knock by heart—it was unique and had a cute little beat to it.

He felt his breathing go shallow—he never understood how someone had the ability to take over another person’s entire being—their thoughts, feelings, emotions, physical movements—you controlled Mark without even knowing it but he really liked that you did. He loved knowing that you had a huge effect on him—he always felt like a young boy whenever it came to you and it was a feeling he could never get tired of. 

“C—come in.”

He bit on his bottom lip as soon as you came in to view. God, how could someone be this beautiful—he didn’t think it was possible. You were dressed in a simple white blouse and a black pencil skirt, yet you looked like you came straight out of a vogue magazine. His throat began to dry up as his jaw dropped slightly—he was definitely whipped for you. 

“Hey baby, how’s your day so far?” 

Hearing the term of endearment never failed to shake him at the core. You’ve called him pet names on multiple occasions, but he’d be lying if he said it never made his heart flutter. You slowly made your way towards where he was sitting and propped yourself on top of his desk before running one hand through his hair. Mark has told you this many times, but you were honestly going to be the death of him. 

“You look extremely handsome today by the way. I’m finished with my last two proposals, so maybe if and when you’re done, maybe you and I could go get something to eat?” 

While you were complimenting him and explaining the idea you had for the both of you, he could feel his cheeks warm up and he was sure if he took a look in the mirror, he’d be blushing. He didn’t care if he looked like a lovesick puppy; Mark was proud to say he was a fool for you. It was practically written on his forehead and he had no problem with that—at all. 

Without hesitation, he grabbed at your hands and motioned for you to sit on his lap before bringing his arms around your waist and holding you closer to his body protectively. He placed his chin on your shoulder while hiding his face in the crook of your neck as his way to calm down his racing heart. 

Having his arms wrapped tightly around you or anytime really that he was in close proximity of you always got him so flustered. He laughed internally at the thought of how he was able to confidently tell everyone in his department what he expected out of them every morning during a briefing, yet he couldn’t even look you in the eye as you would talk to him about how much you adored him and thought the world of him. If only he could have been more on the outgoing and extroverted side—he wished it would be easier for him to go in to detail about how you were the main source of his happiness and how his life was so much better—so much greater now that you were in it. 

“That um—that sounds good. I just have to send out one more email and then we can go. You look beautiful as always. How’s the project going? You know I would love to help you if it is too much to handle. I know you’re capable of wonderful things—but I just don’t want you to overwork yourself.” 

You turned just enough to steal a sweet kiss on his lips before you reached for his hands and began playing with his fingers. It was a habit of yours that he quickly picked up on. If you were nervous, worried or even when you were simply just cuddling on his bed watching a movie, you would play with his fingers for which he assumed to help you relax. Mark found it exceedingly adorable—especially when you would bring his hand up to your lips and kiss the tip of every single finger. 

“I’m good, but thank you for your offer—it’s very tempting. However, you and I both know from our last two experiences working on a project together; we’d get nothing done—well, other than each other.” 

His laughter filled the room as he began to remember how you both started going over some plans back at your apartment. Everything seemed to be going just fine. You both agreed on a couple of ideas as well as disagreed on certain thoughts that the other had. Only fifteen minutes after you both started brainstorming ideas, Mark had you pressed up against your kitchen counter as he buried his painfully hardened cock deep inside of your warm, silky and soaking wet walls. His thrusts were relentless yet his touch was very gentle. 

The only time Mark was ever cocky and dominant with you was in bed—not that you were complaining. You made it aware that you were a fan of how much of a switch Mark could be. He was definitely a gentleman in the streets yet a beast in the sheets. Sex with you had to be Mark’s favorite form of intimacy. He loved making you sing for him—he knew your body like the back of his hand. He knew how and where to touch you that would illicit the most seductive and wanton moans. The way you felt wrapped around him—so unfathomably tight, the way you would hide your face in to his nape—kissing and sucking all but gently on his skin, scratching his back whenever he’d go harder and deeper, tugging on his soft, brown locks as he ate you out like his life depended on it. 

Sex never used to mean much to him before other than the mean of release and pleasure, but after the two of you had sex for the first time once he took you home from your third day—he knew he was hooked. Sex with you was an indescribable experience. You always praised him for the way he was such a generous giver in bed—sucking the life out of your cunt, nipping and bitting on your nipples, trying any position that you were curious about—and you’d get so many compliments about how “fucking perfect” your body is and “annoyingly sexy” you are. 

His favorite part though, had to be when you both would be in missionary with your fingers intertwined together while making out—breathlessly confessing your feelings of admiration and infatuation for each other. Sex was a lot more intimate and romantic with you, but it could also get pretty wild and nasty depending on the day.  

“Okay, fine. Whatever. In that case, you and I can relish in our passion for one another later. Don’t think I’ll let you off the hook that easy. Oh, before I forget y/n, I uh—I overheard a few of our coworkers asking you about your plans for New Year’s Eve. Did you agree to one of their offers or did you already have plans?” 

He didn’t understand why he felt so shy asking you of your plans; a lot of couples spent their holidays together. Even new ones. Mark wasn’t great with communication nor could he really read in to what someone was thinking or feeling—although you were somewhat of an open book. In the few relationships he did have; if he could even call them that, his partners never confided in him for anything. He understood that some people just preferred to keep their problems or worries to themselves and your boyfriend understood that. However, over the course of his relationships, he felt as though his partners didn’t trust him enough to be honest with him and tell him about anything that went on in their lives. 

Maybe that’s why his relationships never lasted for more than a couple of months. Thankfully, you weren’t afraid to tell Mark every single little thing about you. He was the first person you’d always run to whenever life didn’t seem to go your way. You’ve mentioned to him a few times that you always felt so safe with him; you knew he wouldn’t judge you nor would he make fun of you or say anything to hurt your feelings. 

“I told all of them no because I have other plans.” 

He absentmindedly pouted at your words—so you were going to be busy doing something. The only place he could think of that you would be was back home with your family. Mark was just going to have to accept it for what it would be and wait for you to come back to take in the new year with you then. 

“Really? Are you going back home? Did you need me to drop you off to the airport or something—“ You brought his face away from your neck and cupped both of his cheeks in between your hands. 

“No silly, I’m spending it with you—well, if that’s okay with you. We didn’t make plans or anything but I just assumed I would spend the day with you. If you have other plans, I totally understand. But I consider holidays to be extremely romantic and the only person I would want to ring in the new year with is you. I really don’t care what it is that we end up doing, I just want to be wherever it is that you will be babe.” 

Mark grazed his thumb along your cheek and placed a gentle kiss on your nose before squeezing your waist contently. He was screaming like a little kid internally and he honestly didn’t care at this point if you were to see just how happy he was. There was nothing he had to worry about—you were on the same page he was and that thought alone made his heart soar. 

“I really like the sound of that. Hey, how about instead of going to lunch, you and I can start our celebration a few days earlier and I can eat you instead—what? I’m being serious—babe get back here!”

[kayr0ss]

Welcome Home

[LWA, Diakko, domestic, family, baby?, cute happy shit]

Akko and Diana are still settling into this new life, routine, and responsibility. But coming home to this...? It was the best thing that ever happened to them.

—–

Diana clicked at the button of her retractable pen, eyes moving rapidly from left to right and back again. She paused, humming softly to herself while she appraised yet another essay on how ‘the advent of big data and analytics is a turning point in the synthesis of magic and artificial intelligence technology. She scribbled her remarks on the paper’s margin:

‘Revise – provide suggested guidelines and security measures for magic-infused data-driven machinery.’

Now, it may come as a surprise to many, but Diana never really considered herself a traditionalist. In fact, her on-going tenure at Luna Nova’s higher-education learning center is heavily decorated with progressive and future-minded research and perspectives. This idea, however, simply sounded a little too much like… Croix—and she wasn’t going to pretend that kept her at ease. But Diana also believed that very few people fall far beyond redemption, and Prof. Croix’s appointment as the Head of the Magical Engineering Ethics Board was the perfect example of redemption if there ever was one.

‘As we’ve learned historically, aggressive technological progress should be done under the guiding hand of ethics and humanitarian agenda,” she jotted down. She spared a quick glance to the office clock her before diving back down into the paper.

05:17:PM

Still early, she thought to herself, I could probably finish this stack before going home and—

“Quarter-past-five!” she suddenly exclaimed, forgetting that her former working hours of until well-past-eight were no longer applicable. Recent events had turned her entire world… upside-down.

“Grading will have to wait until tomorrow,” she hurriedly—but meticulously, of course—tidied the papers into her drawer; the pile on the left for marked papers, and unmarked papers on the right. Her keys jingled while she put her belongings back into her handbag, and the hurried clacking of her heels signaled the other professors of her early retreat back home.

--

Diana Cavendish rarely rolled her eyes, but by Jennifer the traffic was horrendous on the north-bound lane. Which she wouldn’t even be on, had she not forgotten the towels she was supposed to buy earlier in-between lectures. Akko reminded her thrice that morning (each time answered with an obedient, “yes, dear.”) Diana was once again reminded that one of the most surprising—and amusing—things she discovered since her marriage to the brunette witch was that between the two of them, Akko was ‘wife-zilla’.

06:13:PM

And there was extra-emphasis on the ‘zilla’ part lately. Traffic be damned, she was going to get those towels.

--

“Eep!”

The sharp whistling of a boiling kettle startled Akko out of the sports magazine she was so deeply engrossed it. Shit shit shit—she clumsily shut the glossy pages closed, darting towards the kitchen and—kami-sama, why did Diana think it was a good idea to have doors everywhere? “Stupid door,” she groaned, anxious to silence the whistling lest it disturb their special guest.

She lunged towards the stove, snapping the burner knob closed. “I could have done that with magic,” she flicked herself on the forehead, old habits from a magic-less childhood kicking in during the oddest moments. She blinked, scanning the kitchen counter for a small box before realizing that she left it back at the living room. “I’m almost as bad at this as I was at transmutation spells!”

About five minutes later, she was jogging back towards the dining area balancing a warmed tumbler in one hand, and several plastic utensils in another. She narrowly avoided tripping over the carpet (“Fuck!”), and was unfortunate enough to hit her shin across the low coffee-table, warranting an impressive parade of crisp, native-to-Japan curses. Thank Kami-sama it was Friday, she thought with relief. Diana would be taking over evening household duties by Monday and she damn well needed a break; even if a break meant more hours working.

She tipped the warmed tumbler over and let a few drops of its content spatter at the back of her hand.

06:37:PM

It was still too warm but should be just fine by dinner time.

--

[Capitalism is a predator, but I’m nearly home.]

Diana hit ‘send’, letting her wife know that she was around 2 blocks away while waiting for the last stoplight to turn green.

[As long as u got the towels lol. Tnx, luv u :-*]

Diana smiled at Akko’s reply, turning her attention away from her phone screen when she saw the soft glow shift from red to green. Yes, she had the towels—and maybe a full set of Reuven-Eilhart designer night pajamas. Or three.

She also brought home new ‘friends’—she saw that the store had recently released a set of ‘We There Bears’ themed products. Diana remembered Akko raving about them; they were apparently quite the in-thing as of late. She was immediately drawn to the pure-white polar bear with an interestingly unreadable expression. “That un’s ‘Nice Bear’,” the clerk supplied. “But if y’gonna get ‘im, you gotta get the whole gang else he’d be lonely.”

And so she did—because if Diana ever did anything she never did it half-way done. Frizzly Bear and Fanda sat snugly beside him in the backseat.

The blonde witch pulled up into their driveway, sorting out her belongings before stepping out to unload her shopping bags from the back. She opened the door and couldn’t help but laugh at herself.

“What has become of me,” she smiled, wondering how to bring three bears and several frilly-looking things into their house without painting herself as silly.

06:53:PM

Warm, yellow light flooded through the dining room curtains, and the familiar sound of their car alerted Akko to Diana’s arrival.

“She’s actually home on time,” she remarked to a little fellow seated at the end of their dining table, pulling on an exaggerated expression of being impressed. But Diana’s arrival always makes her smile, so she walks towards the front door so she can giver he wife a hand and—

She paused, taking a strong sniff of something which was coming out of the kitchen.

“Oh, no.”

The pizza! There was pizza burning in the oven! She bolted back towards the kitchen for some damage control, relieved to find that the pizza was only beginning to blacken at the crusts—easily salvageable.

“Mou, Diana’s gonna give me an earful,” she whined in defeat. She could hear the sound of their door unlocking, followed by footsteps through their dining area and the rustle of shopping bags being unloaded.

To her surprise, Diana had no drop of sternness in her voice. “I’ve missed you,” she cooed.

Akko broke into a grin, turning to face Diana. “Missed you to—”

She bit back her words, fascinated at the sight of her wife, looking weary from a long day, cradling their beloved Sara with all the fascination in the world. Their daughter giggled up to her mother, hands reaching for her face, prodding at Diana’s nose (which scrunched up adorably) and pulling at her platinum curls before squealing in delight.

“I may have missed you, as well.” Diana teased, tossing a smile to Akko’s direction.

“That’s hardly fair!” Akko tried to pout, walking towards the two people she loved most in the world.

Diana nuzzled against Sara’s forehead, running her fingers softly over the thin patch of light-brown hair beginning to grow longer. Sara perked up immediately when Akko came into her field of vision.

“I think she likes me better,” Akko whispered before kissing Diana’s shoulder. She wrapped an arm around the pair and tickled at Sara’s nose.

“Not a chance.” Diana leaned her head against Akko’s, watching as Sara grabbed onto Akko’s finger with a chubby little hand.

“Did you buy her another hundred sets of pajamas?” Akko raised an eyebrow.

“Only three,” Diana tried to hide her defensiveness. “And... several room accessories?”

Akko laughed, “pretty soon we’re going to run out of space in her room. This little lady has got you wrapped around her finger!”

There was no use denying it, so Diana simply rolled her eyes.

“Come here,” Akko smiled. “Welcome home.” She moved up to her tiptoes, and Diana turned her head to meet the brunette half-way for a small kiss. She appreciated the way Akko’s embraced tightened around her torso and warmed her chest; the way it made her family feel so... whole.

Akko pulled back, but Diana chased after her to steal another quick kiss, amused at the way Akko would still blush whenever she did that.

“So,” Diana gave her wife a look, “burnt pizza for dinner?”

“Mou, Sara! Your mother is such a bully!”

--

A/N: Woohoo finally churned another one out! I’m feeling a bit sick, and it’s early in the morning, so hopefully there aren’t that many typos/errors. Anyway I’m doing fine, hope you all are too! I’ve been re-reading Appointments over and over so I can get a feel of the writing style and flow I used to have for it and finally finish the next chapter. I do feel out of touch from how I was back in 2018; so I really need to do a lot of fanfic reading. You guys have any suggestions?

ALSO - meet Sara! Her name means vivid blossoms; it’s Japanese but also western-sounding so win-win for both moms. A homage to ‘Botany’, with the flowers and everything. She was originally meant to be Leia, because I’m a big Star Wars fan, but hey! I saw Sara and instantly thought it was the best fit. Hope you enjoyed. :) [Also, I’ve noticed I tend to switch between past / present tense a lot and I’ll be working to actively fix that moving forward!]

[spoiledsplendid]

2020 Christmas Gift Guide

I think this Christmas will look very different for most of us - a global pandemic isn’t something that I’ve ever related to the holidays. When I started this website 5 years ago, it was meant to be a helpful review of luxury goods and events. People always asked me about where I stayed when I visited so and so or about a concert I had attended. There hasn’t been much for travel and or live entertainment in 2020. This year has been hard on people - financially, physically, mentally and emotionally. I’ve tackled with the idea of writing this blog entry - do we really need a frivolous article about expensive holiday gifts? I was worried it might be seen as tacky in a year where so many people have experienced financial setbacks. But then I noticed something - my audience began re-reading all my past Christmas gift guides. Not just a few of you, but ALOT of you. So this gave me a slightly different outlook - maybe my readers needed a 5-minute escape from the stress of their day to look at a ridiculously priced handbag or to gush over a new fragrance. This year, let my Gift Guide be entertainment and escapism over recommendations. And if 3 years from now, you finally get to buy a pair of silly pyjamas I’m going to mention, and you love them, let me know. I want to thank you for your continued support and following over the years and I hope you and your family have a safe and healthy holiday season!

Daniel’s Chocolate - $5+

One of my mom’s favourite indulgences is Daniel’s chocolate and specifically their hot chocolate. It’s rich and decadent but not sickly sweet. They ship across Canada and you will not be disappointed. If you’re in Vancouver, the Robson St. store is very convenient. Definitely worth checking out!

https://danielchocolates.com/

Rowing Blazers Sweaters- $470

So with the Crown’s 4th season release, a lot of attention has gone back to the late Princess Diana. She was a fashion icon, and her style has made a resurgence with Rowing Blazers. I personally have a couple sweaters on order - both of which are from the Diana collection of the styles she actually wore. The sweaters themselves have quite a history that you can read on their site. They are making them for both men and women, and each sweater takes over 6 hours to create. 

https://rowingblazers.com/

Towel Warmer from Wayfair - $199

If you don’t have a wall-mounted towel heater, why not invest in a freestanding one? How nice is it to have that feeling of a warmed towel for when you get out of the hot tub or the shower? This stylish warmer can heat two bath towels and needs no installation. Since going to the spa might not be an option during covid, bring a bit of pampering to your home.

https://www.wayfair.ca/home-improvement/pdp/livefine-free-standing-electric-towel-warmer-livf1000.html?&experiencetype=2&selectedvertical=3

Rose Honey - $9.99

If you have a tea-drinker in your life, this rose-infused honey from Mellifera bees is sure to delight. It’s delicate and floral (obviously) and not overpowering. It’s also a great Canadian product. For someone who made your “Nice List,” why not do a trio and include the honey and cardamom flavours as well?

https://gourmetwarehouse.ca/rose-infused-honey-4oz/

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Riedel Glassware - $35+

Years ago I was invited to a Riedel-sponsored wine tasting. Essentially, we drank the same wine out of several different wine glasses - each time, Riedel gave the best result. Essentially, these glasses are engineered to get the wine to the most receptive part of your tastebuds, depending on each varietal. I know it sounds crazy, but for me, your wasting money on wine if you’re not drinking it out of Riedel glasses. So help the wine-lover in your life heighten their experience. 

https://www.riedel.com/

Empress Gin - $49

What better way to find comfort on a cold night than with a fun cocktail? Empress Gin is a unique creation made with 8 botanicals. Most people love it because it’s insta-worthy color but its also tasty tasty tasty. Furthermore, you can find recipes on the website to make festive drinks that everyone will rave about. As an added bonus, you can also order online and have it delivered! 

https://www.empressgin.com/

Hot Tub - $5000+

If the pandemic has ruined your plans for a beach holiday, you could always splurge and order a hot tub. It’s a great way to relax through these stressful times, and if you’re working from home, think how easy it is to slip in and out of the tub between Zoom calls. This is a gift that is sure to please the entire family. 

https://www.wayfair.ca/keyword.php?keyword=hot+tubs&class_id=&experiencetype=2&selectedvertical=3

Tweed Wool Slippers by Huntsman Saville Row Tailors - $500

Perfect gift for the man in your life - whether they are working from home or appreciates warm feet in the winter. These classic slippers could just as easily be worn with formal attire as they could while reading the Sunday paper. Handmade of soft wool with burgundy trim. Yes please. 

https://www.huntsmansavilerow.com/product/cawdor-house-tweed-wool-slippers/

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

GG Marmont small matelassé shoulder bag by Gucci - $2925

This purse will be centre stage come Christmas morning. The chic bag is branded with the iconic GGs and is made of the most tender brown leather. With a nod to 80’s preppy glam, the purse couldn’t be more on trend. And with a new movie about the house of Gucci underway starring Lady Gaga, Gucci will continue to top the most desirable luxury brands. 

https://www.gucci.com/ca/en/pr/women/handbags/shoulder-bags-for-women/chain-bags-for-women/gg-marmont-small-matelasse-shoulder-bag-p-4434970OLFT2535

Notte di Stelle Holiday Candle by Acqua di Parma - $90

I’ve loved Acqua di Parma products for years but they released a special holiday candle scented with pine and holiday spices. Since we’re doing less visiting this year, this would be the pinnacle of the perfect host gift. This is one host gift that I can assure you will not be re-gifted!

https://www.holtrenfrew.com/en/Products/Beauty/Fragrance/Candles-Home-Fragrances/Candles/ACQUA-DI-PARMA-Notte-di-Stelle-Holiday-Candle/p/20159127001

Satin Pyjamas by Averie Sleep - $120

These fun and colorful pyjamas are certain to bring a smile to whoever is gifted them. With a variety of campy prints, it’ll be easy to match them to your partner’s personality. I’m waiting until Boxing Day but I know that I’ll be ordering a couple of pairs for myself!

https://averiesleep.com/

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

[littlesouthblog]

July 30th - August 2nd 2020 | Lulworth Castle, Dorset

Family friendly Camp Bestival announce huge line up for their 2020 festival within the beautiful grounds of Lulworth Castle. Headlining artists include Fatboy Slim, Groove Armada, Friendly Fires, Becky Hill & Sophie Ellis Bextor.

Event info

What the promoter says

we are over the moon with excitement to announce our momentous and mighty line-up appearing across all the stages of your favourite stages at Camp Bestival 2020. Step into the world of the silver screen with marvellous entertainment for all the family, including headline sets from music favourites Fatboy Slim, Liam Payne and Groove Armada, as well as a special guest set from indie rock legends, Friendly Fires.

“We can’t think of a style of music that isn't on the bill this year - from rave to grime, classical to pop, guitars and reggae. From the original party-starter Fatboy Sim and indie royalty Friendly Fires through pop stars Liam Payne and Becky Hill to Groove Armada and a special Sophie Ellis-Bextor show with Sink The Pink, not forgetting our new and breaking acts like Georgia, Biig Piig and Self Esteem. It's not just about music - it's all going off from CBeebies to skate ramps, an outdoor cinema, tree climbing, Wild Tribe screen-free adventures into nature, yoga, meditation and explosive science shows! Get ready for Camp Bestival 2020!” - Josie and Rob da Bank

Other smash-hit stars taking to the stage include Becky Hill and rising star, Georgia, pop royalty Sophie Ellis-Bextor, radio legends Sara Cox and Jo Whiley, as well as YouTube sensations and 2019 X Factor Finalists, Max & Harvey. 

“This year at Camp Bestival will be special one for me as I am bringing my daughter for her first festival. Infantile grown-ups, watch our children grow and glow as we attempt to teach them about the festi-love, dancing and laughter…” -Fatboy Slim 

"I've heard amazing things about Camp Bestival and I can't wait to head down to Lulworth Castle to join the party." - Liam Payne

“Camp Bestival is absolutely me and my family’s favourite weekend of the year...can’t wait to return & put on another cracking 80s party. Last year the tent was bouncing with all ages, love seeing kids on their parent’s shoulders raving along to Wham! - this year’s gonna be even bigger & better.” - Sara Cox 

"I’ve had so much fun at Camp Bestival over the years. It’s an incredibly fun, beautiful and vibrant festival and I couldn’t be happier to be bringing my 90’s Anthems show to all the party people who’ll be there. See you down the front!" - Jo Whiley

The party doesn’t stop there – Camp Bestival are proud to welcome back CBeebies with appearances from Kids’ TV faves Mr Tumble, Mister Maker and the Shapes, and Rebecca Keatley with much more to be revealed soon. Youngsters can also get down and dance with a back-to-back line-up from the likes of the legendary Dick & Dom, Britain’s Got Talent superstars Boogie Storm, CBBC’s Sam & Mark and not forgetting a rave with the UK’s favourite family ravers Big Fish Little Fish. Why not channel your inner artist with Aardman Model Making Workshops or put on your science goggles and get ready for the weird and wonderful with live science shows by Brainiac Live and TheDadLab.

Go back to nature and discover Wild Tribe, the screen-free field returning for its second year with Spinney Hollow’s Craft Village, bushcrafts and bivouac building, drumming circles, immersive theatre from Mossy Crow, water slides, zip lines, tree climbing, campfires, calm spaces and Hortisculpture. What’s more, young environmentalists will be able to join in activities with Youth Strike 4 Climate, founded by climate change activist Greta Thunberg. 

Encompassing the glamour of Hollywood, Camp Bestival will transform into the most enchanting film set for the weekend. New to 2020, festivalgoers will enter the world of magical movie mania with AV shows featuring well-loved cult movie classics remixed by DJ Yoda, acting workshops from Stagecoach and The BRIT School and a Sunday finale like no other with Son et Lumière fireworks and projections on Lulworth Castle. Be sure to also not miss the Full Moon Cinema, an out-of-this-world outdoor cinema to celebrate the full moon on Saturday, plus who better to talk through his career in screenwriting than Irvine Welsh.

Get ready for some belly laughing comedy from comedian and best-selling author of ‘This is Going to Hurt’, Adam Kay, and side-splitting stand-up from the Scummy Mummies. Wide Awake Club/Wacaday TV legend Timmy Mallett brings his hilarious live show to Lulworth, and there will be readings on the chaos and comedy of real-life parenting from Man Vs. Baby.

The Magic Meadow will come alive on Saturday evening with Camp Bestival’s biggest ever circus performance with a huge High Wire Spectacular featuring dazzling displays of balance and circus feats complete with a live choir providing musical accompaniment. Then step into the Pink Flamingo for evening flamboyant cabaret featuring Cheryl Hole, Madame Galina and Her Only Friend(s) and Witt ’n’ Camp.

Adding to the spectacular entertainment for all the family, treat your taste buds to an array of award-winning food and drink. Tuck into the delectable offerings from The Feast Collective and DJ BBQ and become a foodie aficionado with Mother Earth’s Open Kitchen, Live Fire Cooking Demos, Temper barbecue chef Neil Rankin and hear from Omari McQueen, the UK’s youngest Vegan food entrepreneur and chef. Watch this space with lots more mouth-watering delights to be revealed… 

Fancy a detox? Head to Slow Motion and unwind with a series of relaxing and rejuvenating experiences on offer for all ages. Leave the outside world behind and opt for Ayurvedic workshops, meditation, sound healing and gong baths. Don’t forget to also take part in two genuine festival firsts: a Holistic Triathlon, consisting of meditation, 5k run and a session calming yoga to finish, and make sure to pop on the gloves and sign up for a Family Boxing session!

Line Up

Fatboy Slim

Groove Armada

Liam Payne

Friendly Fires

Sophie Ellis Bextor ft. Sink The Pink

Becky Hill

The Sugarhill Gang

Grandmaster

Melle

Mel & Scorpio

Dick and Dom

Sara Cox

Jo Whiley's 90s Anthems

Adam Kay

Irvine Welsh

Brainiac [live]

Son et Lumière 

Castle Fireworks Spectacular

Max & Harvey

Level 42

The Sherlocks

BRIT School

TheDadLab

Heather Small

Full Moon Cinema

Stagecoach Performing Arts School

David Rodigan

The Selecter

All Hail Kale Presents: Hypochondria [live]

DJ Yoda Presents: Filmstock

Reef

Space

Mr. Tumble

Norman Jay MBE

LTJ Bukem

The Sol Cinema

Mister Maker & Rebecca

Cheryl Hole

Gengahr

Spinney Hollow Craft

Self Esteem

Georgia

Sam & Mark

Holistic Triathalon

Scummy Mummies

Tim Burgess

Mr. Motivator

Glowie

Goldierocks

The Cuban Brothers

KIDS FLY

Adamski

DJ BBQ

SamSam Bubbleman

Klaus Blatter

Jaguar Skills

Bushcraft

Dub Pistols

Big Fish Little Fish

The Wurzels

Junior Jungle

Man vs. Baby

Blingo

Aardman Amazing Scene Machine

Bowie Disco

London Stage Orchestra

Plastic Mermaids

Thrill Collins

Cirque Bijou

Deptford Northern Soul

via littlesouth

[st33d]

Sandman

I’ve tried a lot of sandbox games over the past year. Mostly driven by acquiring a PC and leaving my Mac to its scheduled obsolescence. Playing games on a Mac is like playing Doom on a calculator. You celebrate that it works, it actually works, but it usually fails to be more than a proof of concept. When I switched back to a PC I discovered an entirely new realm of stubborn design. At least it wasn’t getting slower with each update and it deigned to play all manner of toys. Being quite turgid for roleplaying games I set about catching up with every RPG the Mac had denied me and checked out some more for good measure.

A common feature I discovered in many of these games is what I call the Back Breaker. You lift the game up high, then crash it down over your knee, broken. You are now free to explore the game how you choose - all of its secrets are laid bare. A lot of people get very upset at the inclusion of Back Breakers in what they hope will be a game with an ever ascending skill requirement. The notion that the audience is primarily there to explore is an insult - where, they ask, is the game? Personally I like this feature, I like that the end game is to become a god. This is why a lot of you will disagree with my assessments.

Skyrim

The sticking point for many people with this one is the combat. It’s dour grey-brown landscape invites a comparison to Dark Souls (I’ll get to that one in a bit) so people like Matt Lees will remark that Skyrim is an inferior counterpart. If you’re looking for tight combat in Skyrim, then like a 1st edition iPhone 5, you’re holding it wrong.

It insists you take it seriously over an unskippable introduction to the most tired hook that any roleplaying game can throw - the prison break. After shaking your screen as hard as it can with an assault by a dragon you are thrown into a scant and confusing interface in a land of ugly robotic people who are super fussy about what time they’re willing to sell things. On my 1st playthrough it got dark, so dark I couldn’t loot the mages I was killing for their expensive robes. I quit and rerolled a khajiit, purely because the wiki told me they had nightvision. It wasn’t until much later I discovered that there were many means of creating light, some of them causing fantastic AI behaviour (I nicknamed the spell Magelight; aggro-ball). Some short way into the terrible main quest line I thought, “sod this”, and went in search of the mage college to learn how to blow things up like some of the monsters were doing. This haphazard adventure was some of the best gameplay I’d ever encountered. A scared lowly girl-cat, picking her way through a hostile landscape in hope of learning real magic. Typical that when I finally arrived at the college I encountered the first blatant design wall in the shape of an unclimbable pillar that the college sat on. I barely had the mana to cast the spell that would prove me worthy to train there. A few hours later I was the archmage of the college. It would take many more hours before I mastered glitch-riding: taking the cereal box collision space of my horse and rubbing it against the prettiest parts of the scenery until it yielded to let me ride vertical. Out of the many hours of play the only real low point was getting turned into a vampire, I had to look up a wiki on how to cure it and reload many times because the quest to stop vampirism is broken.

There are many Back Breakers in Skyrim - I chose twin dremora lords that I chain-summoned to lock up the AI. But truly it is Skyrim’s pretty mountains and their unresolvable collision meshes that are the best. Only after hours of play does one develop an art for sniffing out details that defy edge-case-programming. Skyrim is a perfect mess. I know why they keep re-releasing it, they got lucky. One need only play the Dragonborn DLC to see Skyrim at its worst. It is a hard game to recommend, for it is not really a game, it is a thing both ugly and beautiful.

% out of 10

The Witcher 3

“Stick with it”, they say. Few games deserve such an epithet as this one. The controls are fiddly. One’s inventory is so dense with options that I didn’t realise that my potions refilled themselves until I’d nearly finished the game. After which my character sported full-body-priapism as I quaffed every decoction available. The turning point from hating this game to loving it was a side quest where a character caught Geralt off guard when being subject to the witcher’s advice - the townsfolk declared him a freak not because he was like Geralt, but because they were intolerant of homosexuals. I then got drawn further into the man’s drama. Every single story this game presents is trying to be Not So Simple. It’s a manifesto that leaks into the game’s bestiary that tells you not only what a monster likes for dinner, but your best tactics for killing it. But then, it’s Not So Simple as killing a monster, there is always another layer to each story.

It took at least three score hours of gameplay before I started skipping some of the many cutscenes. One of them was the infamous sex-on-a-stuffed-unicorn. It was a fault of the main storyline being so lackluster. I never really cared for Ciri, I found her even more fiddly to control than her tutor. But the extra layers that surround it: the Bloody Baron, stupidly shagging Keira Metz, the numerous detective scenes - they all carry this game. It is a shame it takes a few hours for it to reveal itself.

I must commend the map design for being sensible enough to be broken into several parts. You first explore a tutorial village before moving into war torn Velen and its haunting soundtrack. Here you work until you can gain passage to the north, the islands, and your home. Many sandboxes simply give you one map to conquer and contort it to stop you wandering into the final challenge. It’s refreshing to move on to a clean map, full of new challenges and surprises.

I couldn’t be arsed to play Gwent.

Trophy out of Archgriffin

Zelda: Breath of the Wild

This game has three stages: Delight, Depression, and Exploration.

Delight

Oh wow, there’s so many things to do. And so many things interact with one another. The sense of discovery comes not only from reaching new locations, but also finding new ways for elements to interact. Of course wood burns. Of course burning creates an updraft. Of course metal conducts electricity. Even after many hours of play there are still new things to find. So strange that the game is as dense as it is... empty.

Depression

Ugh, I don’t have a horse and I’m in yet another blank area. Ugh, I lack just enough stamina to climb this mountain, I’ll have to start all over again. Ugh, I can’t stay in this area because I take damage and the food I eat to stop it only lasts ten minutes. Ugh, I complained about all of this online and everyone keeps saying, “I don’t have a problem, the game works fine for me, Git Gud.” As often as I meet people who have played this game in excess of 100 hours, I also meet people who have played it for less than 10. If you are unlucky, if you don’t make the right connections, if you don’t stumble upon the right thing, this game is truly depressing. Made more so by the amount of people who cannot fathom why anyone would have trouble with the game. And yet there are many that do. It is not really that they need to be better at games, it is merely because they have not found the Back Breakers. Or worse, they do not appreciate them.

Exploration

After needless hours of collecting (grinding) you find yourself in possession of armour. You upgrade the armour again and again and suddenly the cloud of depression is lifted (if it was ever there). You are free to explore any edge of the island, you simply need to wear the right threads. At this stage of the game you have found many secrets but still keep finding more. Korok seeds, the OCD baiting puzzles, become a delight to find. It’s hard to remember the game ever being frustrating, but it remains in the back of my mind. Zelda BotW has a hump, a hump that some people will feel very aggrieved to surmount. Do not be surprised when you hear of someone bouncing off this game - it really is torture for people with precious little play time or patience.

Perhaps I should say something about the shrine dungeons or the 4 beast dungeons. They exist. There, I said it.

96 out of 120

Path of Exile

I tried this many years ago on my Mac using some sort of Windows executable wrapper. It did not work. I tried again when I got my new PC, I was underwhelmed. I tried yet again two weeks ago - holy shit this is the best action RPG I’ve ever played. The fact that it’s also free is sort of a weird blessing. You can only buy cosmetics and extra slots, so it even has a total lack of pay-to-win going for it. At least they get to keep expanding and updating it, which is probably why my recent play through was so smooth.

Diablo 2 is one of my all time favourites. It’s a concise loop of murder, loot, sell. But not without flaws. It has cruft, tedium, and imbalance in spades.

Path of Exile shuffles the formula and bets the whole thing on loot. Skills are loot. Money is loot (you pay with scrolls and item modifying tools, no gold). Equipment is loot. Yet playing it like Diablo is quite a silly thing to do - you get almost nothing from items you try to sell to vendors, so you no longer make trips back and forth with junk items. Leveling up is spent on a massive passive skill tree shared by all the classes, so the game sees no need to forestall leveling because it’s not the gatekeeper of mechanics. The items are. This occurs by way of gems that you socket into items, a bit like Diablo 2 and 3, but instead of boring damage bonuses you get entirely new mechanics. If you play with several characters in the same league they can share these items as well (providing they are strong enough to wield them). A mere ten levels into the game I had a full on rave of undead surrounding my witch character like she was the hottest new DJ at a halloween party.

I refrained from playing on hardcore because the game is online only and my internet sucks, but the game does boast a challenge that is mandatory hardcore. A multi-part dungeon that rewards you with a new section for your skill tree. Complete it without dying and you get to specialise. This is further complicated by deadly treasure rooms you must salvage keys from in order to unlock the many chests at the end. This was quite an exciting challenge with real stakes and real swearing when I let my greed get the better of me.

So what of its flaws? It takes a few goes to shake off the Diablo conditioning, so it’s not until you hit act 2 and try again from scratch that you figure out a strategy for building a character. The passive skill tree has a handy search feature and after I typed “minion” into it I was determined to carve a path through the best parts. If you don’t plan your route, you miss out on your mana rocketing back to full, your health restoring, or in my case: zombie disco. It’s online only and if you insist on playing over the weekend it can be a very choppy experience. The chat is a sewage pipe, a stream of edgelord douchebaggery. Go into the options and turn it off. I’ve yet to meet anyone that wants to form a party and every time I look at it I’m certain I don’t want to. There’s little to say of the story, it’s not bad though. I appreciate that it doesn’t try to get in the way like Diablo 3′s did. Perhaps if they had taken their loot thesis a step further they could have buried it in the game’s items. Then all this hoarding would have expanded into something like an archaeology dig. A missed opportunity.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O out of Shiny Armour

Shadow of Mordor

It’s quite cool and exciting to begin with. We’re in Mordor with lots of grim orcs and cool cutscenes, and... is that a bush? Oh okay, it just popped into existence. Nevermind. Well at least sneaking around is fun... my finger hurts a lot though because they want me to hold down the trigger button for ages. Yeah, ganking orcs is cool, it’s real fun shooting them in the head... oh, I have to do these crappy sword fights where I only press two buttons throughout the whole thing.

This game is like someone who seems fascinating and pretty from afar, but soon as you talk to them at length you begin to realise that they’re quite boring. They just say the same thing over and over. It’s a sausage party that gets slowly more off putting as I play. The developers don’t even seem to know that women exist outside of being trophies or reasons to be angry about stuff. The main draw in this game is apparently the battles with the orc leaders, which I found to be the most boring part of the game. I hated the sword combat and it kept dragging me back to it. After doing every arrow and dagger challenge I could find on the map I left the game and never played it again.

Gollum out of Mordor

Dark Souls

in my game Ending I structured the second level so that the player would step forward and get a slap to the face in the shape of an unfair death. This was my opening salvo, death is your education. So after persisting with Dark Souls I’m somewhat nonplussed. I get it. By repeatedly killing the player they form a mental map of the area. By repeatedly killing the player they encourage experimentation.

Except that this doesn’t always work. There has to be some investment on the behalf of the player or this magic completely fails. If the player feels like they can walk away, they will. And they do. It’s why I believe Dark Souls is such a hit with game reviewers, they are beholden to persist, and in doing so the game makes a believer of them.

I on the other hand couldn’t care less. A tedious march through the same janky fights to get to the same boss I still don’t understand is nothing more than that. I tried a variety of combat techniques, from trying to interrupt attacks, to blocking, to evading, all of it very unsatisfying. What little progress I made illuminated the premise, to internalise the map and hone my skills, but I was not impressed. I enjoyed not one second of it, I only endured. I experimented and I explored, but never was I delighted.

The very worst thing that Dark Souls has given us is complacency towards killing the player. I have heard designers remark that it didn’t matter that the player died in that spot in their game because Dark Souls kills the player all the time. It makes me want to shake them. Dark Souls does not kill you all the time, it kills you for a specific reason. See, I get it, I get Dark Souls, I just don’t enjoy the combat.

Soul out of Estus

Divinity Original Sin 2

I had the worst time with Divinity Original Sin. My two characters insisted on bickering and ruining every conversation - no matter how many times I reloaded a scene they would find a way to trash it. I eventually found myself locked out of every quest in the game and unable to fight my way past monsters higher than my level. I was playing the game to forget about a failed relationship where my ex would find excuses to start arguments. It was about as bad an experience playing a game I could ever hope for.

To say the sequel is an improvement is true. To a point. Somehow I’ve done it again and gotten trapped in an area with no quests to advance and monsters too powerful to fight past. I’ve muddled my way past some really irritating quests with obtuse requirements that I’m told can be solved in many ways. Except that when you fail to chase a particular lead it’s really frustrating to have to try a dozen different tactics to shake out a solution. It feels like I’ve picked up my PC and I’m rattling it over my head until the game agrees to let me move on. People keep telling me I can solve situations in dozens of ways, but all of them seem very specific and very intent on being a dick about it.

The combat is as amazing as it is chaotic. Environmental effects are at the fore, making it feel very D&D-like as you slow people down with oil and then ignite the oil and so on. The story I felt was okay, but the tone is all over the place, making it impossible to give a shit. Some nice touches with elves gaining visions from eating flesh and anyone can choose perks for talking to animals - but I found it more infuriating than cute after searching an entire island to solve a riddle, only to have a rat explain to me that I had to talk to some NPC again in order to shake, shake, shake out the solution. For every ounce of fun I got two ounces of frustration and misery.

1 out of 2

Dungeon World

Out of all the table top roleplaying games I’ve tried, this one was the most robust for casual play. Especially seeing as roleplayers are the most unreliable people on the planet. The resolution system it employs forces a plot twist every time you use it, so it’s impossible to plan anything. It’s not for everyone, you end up with a very gonzo story without the fiddly depth that other roleplaying games manage. On the other hand it’s a dream to be the Games Master and watch a story unfold instead of meticulously planning it and seeing a conclusion land that tears apart your ideas instead of adding to them. I wrote a full guide of how I run this game over here. The campaign is effectively a sandbox, I let people explore and fill in the map as we go - which is why I mention it. I’d like a computer game that approached it this way, not like Dwarf Fortress where a randomly generated overworld is dumped on you. Instead I’d like a piecemeal discovery of the world, one that reacts to the tensions you’ve created. Perhaps I’ll have to do it myself.

Story out of Players

[janeykath318]

Closure 4

Day four post coma, Jamie woke up early from a bone-chilling nightmare that left her gasping and crying out for Chris. She’d seen Khan killing him in slow motion while she was trapped in the Warp core, burning and unable to move.

“No! Stop!! Chris!!” She screamed, struggling wildly to help him. She had to get to him. Had to stop that phaser from hurting the love of her life…..

A pair of hands settled on her burning cheeks.

“Easy, Jamie, Easy, its only a dream. Come back, Jamie. You’re all right. You’re safe.”

She jolted awake, gasping and saw Bones standing over her in his white scrubs with a worried look in his eyes.

Her own eyes were streaming with tears as she relived her husband’s death again.

“Bones!” She what whimpered. “I saw Chris die and I couldn’t stop it! Burning up! It’s so awful!”

She gave up and sobbed with fear and grief, her heartbreak pouring out uncontrollably as Bones attempted to comfort her with muttered words and holding her hand, while wiping away her tears.

When the storm finally passed, she blinked up through her swollen eyelids and saw he looked almost as anguished as she did.

“It was terrible, Bones. I watched him die all over again.” She whispered plaintively, wiping her eyes.

The doctor sighed and held up a straw so she could sip water, which she quickly accepted, having screamed herself hoarse.

“No wonder you cried so hard. I don’t even know what to say, Jamie. I’m so sorry.”

“I know, Bones,” she sniffled, seeing the genuine pain on his face. “It’s so comforting to have you here instead of some random doc I don’t know. I can only imagine the amount of people who’ve lost love ones and spouses in the attack.”

“Yes, well. They ain’t my best friend.” Bones said ruefully. “Now, try to rest easy for a bit before your momma comes. Why don’t you tell me about that "other conversation” you and Chris had? I never got the low-down on that.“

Jamie pushed away the dark remnants of the nightmare and her pain to contemplate the first happy memory of them as a couple. As Bones went about preparing her litany of treatments, she opened up and told the tale.

******** It was nearly two weeks before she heard from Pike about the talk they needed to have and she wondered if he’d changed his mind about her when she got a message asking her to meet him at a small park just outside Academy grounds.

So on the lovely Saturday afternoon, Jamie had garbed herself in her favorite turquoise skinny jeans, gray T-shirt and denim jacket (after changing three times) and made the walk to the scenic area he’d specified.

He was waiting for her by a bench at the edge of the walking trail that led away into the woods. Her heartbeat sped up as she saw him in civvies for the first time in months.

"Wow. So you do have more than just uniforms in your wardrobe,” she’d said cheekily as she joined him, trying to hide how he’d thrown her off balance from the start with the way he rocked the leather and denim.

“It’s hard to believe it, I know,” he said dryly, motioning her to sit on the bench beside him.

Jamie found herself suddenly shy in front of her long time secret crush. She hadn’t even told Bones about the meeting for fear he’d get all suspicious or say something dumb to Pike.

“Cat got your tongue?” He spoke up at last, trying to sound casual.

“More like it’s been stepped on by the elephant in the room,” she admitted, flashing a nervous smile and plucking up her courage. “Let’s just say, those less-than-professional feelings as you put it, go both ways. I was far from horrified at your admittance, the complete opposite, in fact. You ever wonder why I suddenly quit my serial dating and carefree ways?”

“I thought it was good sense finally kicking in,” he said with that goofy half grin. “You’re telling me I was wrong?”

“I’m a Kirk, what do you think?” She shot back, looking him full in the eyes at last.

“Touché.” He conceded the point with a smirk and Jamie was getting antsy when he made his move, turning sideways and taking both of her hands in his.

“I’m not sure it’s showing good sense to get involved with me, but for once I find myself tempted to throw caution out the window. That day you flounced into my office declaring your utter contempt for all mankind, I knew I was a goner.”

Jamie flushed and smiled. She’d been furious after the thing with Gary had ended badly and proved him to be a fame whore. Chris had let her rant and rave until she was out of energy then told her he agreed Gary was a complete idiot and offered her a consoling hug, which she’d accepted gratefully.

“You’ve always been good for me and good to me,” she sighed. “I kept quiet about my interest for the same reasons you did, but you must know I do find you VERY attractive, Captain.”

Just saying it made her blush furiously, which aggravated her. She’d never had problems telling people what she thought of them, before.

“C'mon now, Jamie, let me see those beautiful baby blues,” he urged, tilting her chin up so she had to look at him again. The grey eyes that were generally sharp and piercing were looking at her with a gentle expression that sent a thrill of delight through her.

“You’re incredibly beautiful, you know that? Everything about you is: your genius level brain, your rule-skirting tendencies, your reckless enthusiasm, your infectious smile. Even when you make me want to tear out my hair, I also wanted to kiss that smirk right off your face.”

“Go ahead, Christopher,” She whispered huskily, boldly using his whole name, “I dare you.” And he did. ********

“Don’t worry, Bones, I won’t go into detail, just that it was fabulous.”

Jamie concluded her tale with a dreamy sigh which turned into a yawn. Her friend shook his head in wonder.

“So that’s how you wooed the hard-nosed Captain, huh?”

“Yep,” she said thoughtfully. “Turns out he wasn’t so impervious to my charms after all.” She looked at her friend earnestly. “I hope you get a chance to have great love, too, Bones. I know I drove him crazy, but I never doubted he loved me and I hope I never gave him reason to doubt I loved him, either.”

“Some of us maybe aren’t meant to have that kind of great love, though,” Bones said with a pained expression. “I’d rather be following your sorry self around and keeping you alive than getting myself into emotional entanglements again.”

Jamie was touched at his statement, but hoped Bones would be surprised one day. It was clear at least part of Chris’s observations were correct in regards to Leonard McCoy being very loyal to her.

She dozed off again for awhile and awoke to see her mother watching her.

“Hi, honey,” Winona said softly, lines of sorrow and worry around her face.

“Hi, Mom,” Jamie greeted. “Glad you could make it. I know everything’s chaos right now.”

“Yes, but I’ll let them deal with it,” Winona waved her hand towards the window where the rescue and clean up efforts could be seen ongoing in the damaged city. “I’m here for you, baby. I would have been here a lot faster if we hadn’t been out on the edge of Alpha Quadrant.”

“Did you get briefed on what happened?” Jamie asked, hoping she wouldn’t have to repeat it all again.

“Yes,” Winona’s gaze fell to her daughter’s left hand and the ring. “Oh, honey, It killed me when I heard about Chris. Did you see it happen?”

“No, I was distracted trying to clear the room and return fire. When I got back, he’d taken a shot to the chest and was gone.”

Gone. It was such a final word, but she hated saying “dead” far more.

Winona squeezed her hand in silent sympathy. She certainly knew what it felt like and Jamie was thankful she’d have her to lean on as she adjusted to life without her beloved Admiral.

“Since we both missed the funeral, do you want to watch it with me? All I have to do is message Spock and he’ll send the video to my PADD.”

“Do you think you’re ready to see it, Jamie?” Winona asked. “I don’t want you to have a physical setback from the surge of emotions.”

“It can’t be as bad as my dreams,” she shrugged. “I’d like to hear what people had to say about him. I’ll be okay.”

So in a matter of minutes, Spock had sent the tape and they were watching a hugely attended funeral filled with top brass and dignitaries from many species. Once the formal speeches praising his astounding career and character were finished, several people shared personal anecdotes and memories that had Jamie sniffling and smiling because these people actually knew her husband and really understood what he was all about.

“Good ole Number One,” Winona murmured as Pike’s former first officer talked about him staring down hostile Romulans while battling Rigellian flu.

“He always was a stubborn mule,” she said. “Kind of like someone else I know.” She winked at Jamie, who didn’t try to deny it.

“If I’d been there I would have told them how he pulled my phaser from the holster and shot two Romulans who’d crept up behind me–while he had that slug in him and was paralyzed,” Jamie mused. “It was incredible how FIERCE Chris was when he got riled up.”

She fell silent as the camera focused on the casket, stomach clenching at the cold hard reality in the shiny brown wood box.

Admiral Barnett concluded the service with another heartfelt tribute to his colleague and friend.

“I’ve never met an officer more suited to Command than Chris Pike. He embodied all the qualities of an ideal Captain: leadership, courage, and selflessness as well as diplomacy and compassion. He knew how to push to get the best out of his crew without them even realizing it. But he was more than just a great Captain and later, Admiral, he was a great friend.”

He proceeded to talk about Chris and his friendship that dated back to the Yorktown years and Winona smiled and nodded at several points as she remembered many of the events Barnett referred to. Jamie was thinking about family parties at the ranch in Mojave when her attention was grabbed by the next statement.

“There were only three things that could cause Chris to get riled up: One, mess with his crew. Bad Idea. Two, mess with his family. Even worse. Three, cast aspersions on his marriage, which was grounds for being disowned completely.”

Jamie knew all about that. Chris had frozen out quite a few media and ignorant “fans” who talked smack about their relationship and it was glorious. She’d mildly protested that he didn’t need to do it, she didn’t care what they said, but she knew it would be hypocritical to stop him. After all, she’d put an ensign on long term gamma shift for insulting him in her hearing and another had spent the night in the brig after using the term “sugar daddy.”

“In summary,” Richard continued, “the world lost a very high quality man and we will honor his memory by returning Starfleet to the organization he believed in and prioritizing the loved ones in our lives. Rest In Peace, Admiral.”

He saluted and shortly afterwards the service ended. Jamie realized with a shock she didn’t even know where her husband had been buried and made a mental note to find out immediately.

[hakureiryuu]

SENSE8 SEASON 2 ALRIGHT ALRIGHT

i am growing just a tiiiiiiiny bit frustrated with the way kala and wolfgang keep flipflopping on their feelings about each other. i get annoyed when shows milk some “will they or won’t they” trope for all it’s worth, but so far it’s still well within my tolerance. and that’s largely because of the characters and the performances their actors give them.

i mean, they go back and forth not only to the audience, but to each other. wolfgang falls in love with kala but pushes her firmly away at the end of s1, then can’t keep himself from commenting “we’re perfect for each other” in the christmas special. he tells kala she deserves better than him, then scolds her for denying her feelings towards him. he fools around in every direction, ostensibly to distract himself (or to allow the writers to assert his masculinity idk), but gives no indication of how much he misses kala until he tells her. 

i’m not saying the tension isn’t there. i just felt like it could have been much more pronounced, for how loudly the fandom raves about it.

kala, meanwhile, flipflops much more openly, and i’ve come to understand it’s largely due to her upbringing. what she wants clashing with what she feels is right is a story that’s been told since the beginning of time. it may feel a bit tired here, but kala’s actress is phenomenal and plays every conflict across her face in perfect detail.

moreover, kala is, in essence, the “rebellious princess” in the middle of a (vastly showed down and picked apart) process of rejecting her life of ease and privilege in favor of something she views as more meaningful and fulfilling. leaving a place of comfort and walking into the unknown is a scary thing, and that’s probably why she married rajan in the first place, why she stayed with him despite every chance he gave her to back out. i understand it now, and it’s interesting to watch her distance herself from her privileged life in baby steps. 

not to mention it’s really fucking gratifying that the only reason all this flipflopping started was because they wouldn’t communicate with each other about their feelings in the first place. like, THAT i’ll buy. normally i hate miscommunication tropes but this one managed to nail it as something truly touching. i just wish it was brought up sooner, before they finally said it to each other.

also i was incredibly pleased that my wish from the christmas episode was fulfilled - kala was/is instrumental in will’s treatment and recovery, as she should be. ^_^

I AM UNREASONABLY EXCITED ABOUT DANIELLA’S RELATIONSHIP WITH LITO AND HERNANDO I MEAN I KNOW PEOPLE WILL FEEL LIKE IT “TAKES AWAY” FROM THE GAY REPRESENTATION SOMEHOW AND I KNOW SHE’S A BIT FETISHIZING OF THEM (dammit dani stop taking pictures of gay dudes haven’t you learned your lesson yet?) BUT I’M JUST SO THRILLED FOR THIS WEIRD MIXTURE OF POLYAMORY AND QUEERPLATONIC IT IS MY LIFEBLOOD AND I NEED MORE OF IT

they call each other family. oh my god.

i am almost as excited for a black bi/pansexual woman dating a man. zakia is gr8 okay? she needs more development but she is gr8. NO BI ERASURE TO BE SEEN HERE NOPE

(now if only they could lay off the ace erasure siiiiigh)

how come they couldn’t do e-death on will too? he has even less to lose by it than nomi does at this point. or was that just too big of a deus ex machina? sun would also benefit but her incarceration was way too public for it to be forgotten just by erasing the data, so that one i get at least.

the idea of nomi being indebted to fucking Anonymous is hilarious to me for some reason. can’t wait to see where that plot thread leads XD

riley continues to be my fucking role model. so cautious and clever and sure-footed. most of all, she’s healed. she wandered for years without a reason to live, a hurricane of depression and self-destruction. now that she’s a sensate, she has a purpose again. and yeah, there’s elements of “rescue romance” in there, but damn if i don’t have a weakness for that trope. plus she goes from being rescued right into doing the rescuing, so i think that redeems the trope by a lot.

i’m glad they went a tiny bit further into the repercussions of being nigh-constantly high on heroin for almost a year, though it wasn’t nearly enough imo. i mean this isn’t a show about drug addiction so i forgive them, but i still think will’s (almost) perfect recovery from all that bullshit was very, very contrived. 

how did will’s dad recognize him through riley? i’d be willing to buy some bullshit explanation of heightened global consciousness when approaching death, but they didn’t even mention it. i would have been sadder if will hadn’t been able to say anything at all, but now i’m just confused. 

i still don’t really like will’s dad. half the scenes of him being happy or laughing in that montage were of him laughing at will’s expense.

poor will though. he’s kind of having his entire life fall apart around him. i wonder if he’ll fall to pieces too, later down the line.

sometimes i forget that all these characters are meant to be the exact same age as me (28). it’s easy to because all the actors look something like late-thirties, and most of them had stable employment nice homes before all this happened. then will says something #relatable like “our generation doesn’t get to have nice things” and i go “oh yeah”.

so like i appreciate a lot that white savior narratives were brought up in capheus’s storyline but i give side-eye at the fact that capheus disagreed with this concept. however it was done quite well (and couched within the epic “who am i” god i love these overlays) because capheus more or less admitted he could be wrong in his opinion, AND that it was just his opinion. not to mention that zakia is portrayed as very intelligent and reasonable in her own right, and entitled to her feelings on the subject as well. i hope so much we see more speeches from her in the future, because i want to hear her thoughts on PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING.

i’m not sure how i feel about capheus running for elected office. it seems so... out of place? i mean i know his character has to go somewhere, but this seems an odd direction to move in. i mean some form of governor or congressman equivalent is one thing, but amondi said something about him being president? does that mean of the entire country?? 

(i have no idea how kenyan government is run.)

of course it does give an excellent platform for the inspiring speeches and amazing one-liners on which this show runs, so i’ll allow it and see where this whole thing goes. besides, even though the plot is strange, they’re at least playing it smart. capheus already had a lot of notoriety, and it didn’t take much more than his charm to go from notorious to inspiring.

but then he took an impromptu flight to paris right in the middle of his campaign so tHAT’S NOT GONNA LOOK WEIRD AT ALL.

side note: where did he get the money for the flight? i mean i know his bus business is booming and he and his mom live in a slightly bigger hovel now, but that doesn’t mean he has hundreds in savings to blow on a flight. he’s still delighted by a coffee-maker for goodness sake (my precious shining innocent happy child).

or it could be money from his party for his campaign. in which case EVEN MORE TOTALLY NOT SUSPICIOUS.

that superpower guy, whatever his name is? i goddamn love his accent okay? i could listen to him talk all day.

capheus finding out kala’s company was likely responsible for his mother’s poor health in s1 was both heartbreaking and very cathartic. rajan had zero self-awareness there; like he said, it’s just one of those things you don’t even think about until someone points out how disgusting it is.

as good a guy as he otherwise is, i’m a little suspicious of his apology. he’s been pretty dismissive toward kala in the workplace, and i’m wondering if he’s just paying lip service to her.

and then, of course, there’s ajay. i get the creeps whenever he walks in, and i know that’s intentional. THAT BOX TERRIFIED ME FOR LIKE 2 WHOLE EPISODES UNTIL IT WAS OPENED I LEGIT THOUGHT IT WAS A BOMB.

wolfgang’s gang-kingdom plot was... just as incomprehensible/uninteresting to me as it was during the christmas special? and even then i felt like it was a highly abridged version of what they were initially going for. that giant fight on new year’s led to nothing. wolfgang and felix hang out with a creepily generous dude who Expects Things in return for his generosity. wolfgang knows this but only rejects him outright when he is asked outright, keeping whatever “good faith” tokens that came his way like an idiot. and let’s be fair, i’d be the first to do that sort of thing - accept bribes to Do A Thing, only to Not Do The Thing and exploit the doubletalk that surrounds such interactions to deny accountability. BUT. NOT. WHEN. DEALING. WITH. MURDERERS.

 jesus wolfgang do you have a death wi- oh wait.

lila is... flat? as a character? she’s a sexpot and that’s kind of all. i’m a little disappointed that she’s so underdeveloped but maybe we’ll get more of her in the future. 

puck is vile and i hate him. i almost hate that he rescued sun but at least she got to break his toes. i mean does he GENUINELY BELIEVE half the shit he says or does he just enjoy making women uncomfortable? i’m not sure which is worse.

but when he said he’s personally connected to over 300 sensates that kind of blew my mind. that’s a hell of a lot of potential for our cluster, y’know? the possibilities are dazzling.

THE ARCHIPELAGO IS SO FUCKING COOL LIKE THAT ENTIRE VISUAL SEQUENCE WAS PHENOMENAL AS USUAL BUT ALSO THE CONCEPT IS JUST REALLY FUCKING GR8

there was a fat sensate woman sitting in a library among the archipelago and i felt represented. ^_^

i thought jonas’s death felt a little abrupt, a little unnecessary, even though it was masterfully done. turns out i was right, in the worst way: they broke him, and turned him. 

he was always a little shady but now he’s gone full dark side. what’s the cluster gonna do with him prisoner? who knows. i’m excited about it though!

wolfgang’s abduction is a magnificent jumping off point into much wider plots than the relatively narrow-focused ones we’ve seen thus far. however, i must point out that it felt sadly rushed. i mean, the same thing happened to riley and it took nearly two episodes to talk about, and only will was physically present for it. when it happened to wolfgang THE ENTIRE GANG jumped on a flight to help out and yet it took a mere third of an episode to pull off a much more complex plan from start to finish - “finish” being a loosely used term, since they haven’t even officially rescued the dude yet. i’m just saying it went by much too quickly to feel like more than a cliffhanger tacked on as an afterthought.

not to mention i wanted a lot more fanfare in the entire cluster physically coming together for a cause. it should have been an entire 12th episode imo, since season 2 only had 11? (i mean one of said eps was double-length so it’s the same runtime as s1 in terms of minutes, but still.) what did capheus say to his mother before he left? what did lito say to dani and hernando? THESE ARE SCENES THAT SHOULD HAVE TAKEN UP SCREENTIME, DAMMIT.

also how did will et al infiltrate the facility to surprise whispers in the first place? i need to understand the details of what the hell just went down.

AMANITA AND NOMI ARE GETTING MARRIEDDDDDDD

flawless execution. i had been wondering about amanita’s thoughts on all this nonsense and how she fit into it since nearly the beginning, and having it addressed all through s2 was very satisfying. 

tbh i kinda thought lito was gonna propose to hernando at sao paolo but realized after the fact that he just wasn’t, and still isn’t, in the proper headspace for that. he’s just barely coming to terms with being openly gay; that’s nowhere near ready to be openly gay married. he’s getting there though :)

a loose end that i thought would be wrapped up this season but it looks like we’re going to have to wait for: todd. he’s alive and in prison, and he is either a member of angelica’s cluster or one of her earlier children. either way he’s probably chock-full of plot-related information and the sensates need to grill him. since his objections to being a sensate appeared to be largely religiously motivated, i recommend kala for the job.

angelica zombified raoul and used him to burn down her cabin in order to hide her research from whispers while maintaining deniability. that is... so firmly gray with such a wildly disparate set of motivations that i’m a little astounded. it’s horrifying. it was necessary in her eyes. she did something “good” and “right” through some truly viciously evil means. she was ruthless enough to burn an innocent man to death but compassionate enough to comfort him and let him hear his father’s voice before he died, even as she was controlling his mind against his will. i can���t reconcile these things, and it’s AMAZING that the writers managed this kind of event. 

meeting sarah petrel’s family was fascinating, and i have to wonder how so many people “knew” her. will is obvious. whispers and angelica i can understand. but when did jonas or raoul meet her? is sarah actually way more significant than we thought? is she more than just will’s sad backstory? :O

tell me more about ruth el-sadawi.

tell me more about other clusters in hiding, and their system of organization.

tell me more about the mechanics of sensate abilities in general, specifically the process of giving birth.

tell me more about BPO’s early days, how it changed, who was responsible for those changes. tell me how whispers became part of it.

now that whispers knows who kala is, will he go after her family? how will this impact rajan’s investigation?

will sun need to protect detective mun until he recovers and can testify?

why did the woman riley met commit suicide shortly after their meeting? what part in her decision to kill herself did jonas play?

will kala’s blockers work as they should?

give me more of riley’s dad singing songs to make his daughter smile.

give me more of amanita being a huge book nerd and developing her newfound interest in parapsychology.

give me more of daniella confronting and gradually recovering from her abusive childhood. 

give me more of capheus’s mother being an art’s teacher!

give me more of sun’s prison friends! (i have a bit of a crush on soo-jin)

give me more of whispers being calmly, terrifyingly sadistic.

will we ever see yrsa again?

will we ever find out what happened to capheus’s baby sister?

all the tiny little continuity nods and references to season 1 made me giddy.

BRING SEASON 3 THE FUCK ON MY DUDES!!

[cwnerd12]

Destruction

“Destruction” David shows the video to Monique. They’re at a table with Shay, Joel, Isaiah, and Asher. Monique, “Oh, I know this place. I’ve had some truly memorable raves there.” Shay, “What’s it like inside?” Monique, “It’s a warehouse. Big and empty.” Shay, “What’s it used for? What can we expect to be in there?” Monique, “It’s used for storing shit. I don’t know what it’s used for, I just know the acoustics are good.” David, “There’s multiple points of entry, more than there were at the Cross mansion, we can get in a lot quicker.” Joel, “What if this place is rigged to explode?” David, “Amal is in there. He’s not going to kill himself.” Isaiah, “If it’s full of boxes, it’ll light up real quick.” Shay sighs heavily, “Well, we’ve raided the Amalekites before, and been at least somewhat successful. This time we’re not rescuing anyone, just trying to kill Amal.” Joel, “We can make it simple, have Isaiah make a big-assed bomb, light it off, voila, Amal is gone.” David, “We have to kill him kill him. If there’s even a remote possibility he can survive something and escape, he will. We can’t guarantee a bomb will kill him. Plus, if we only kill him, his followers could still carry on his mission. We need to take as many of them out as possible.” Shay, “We go in quick and discrete. Bring our best. Come to kill. Have snipers posted near the entrances, they take out anyone who tries to leave. Have backup further down in case the snipers miss. He won’t be able to sneak away this time. We’re going in prepared.” Asher, “The good news is, this time, we have plenty of nearby safehouses. Treating the wounded shouldn’t be a problem.” David thinks for a moment, “If Amal is there, they’re going to die to defend him. They’re going to make this as hard as they possibly can. Also, Amal likes to fuck with people’s heads. He’s gonna try to confuse us, turn us against each other.” Shay, “We’ll be ready for that.” David, “Also, I honestly have no idea how they’re going to try to fight back. The soldiers who go in first have to be ready for anything. It’s not entirely crazy that they might blow the place up.” Shay, “I know who to send.”

AFG snipers set up on rooftops near the Amalekite warehouse. Inside another warehouse, the six leaders, David, Joel, Shay, and Isaiah get ready for the raid. The leaders lead their groups out into the area outside, and approach the entrances. One by one, they say, “Ready.” Shay speaks into her headset, “Go.” The doors blast open. The teams go inside, ready to shoot at the slightest sign of movement. The warehouse is filled with maze-like stacks of boxes. Yuri talks into his headset, “I don’t see anything. This place is full of boxes, I’m not sure how to proceed.” David says to Shay, “Shit. We need to get in there.” Shay, “They aren’t fighting, they’re trying to lure us in there.” David, “We gotta go in there, no matter what.” Shay, “All right, let’s go.” David, “We all go in at a different place, come on.” They spread around the building, and go inside. David looks around at the maze of boxes spreading out in front of him. “Shit.” He eyes a nearby ladder leading up to a platform. “I’m gonna try to get a view from above.” He starts climbing. As he reaches the top, a shot rings out, and a bullet ricochets off the ladder just above his head. David jumps back down, “Shit! Okay, we know they’re in here!” The speaker system crackles, and Amal’s voice fills the warehouse, “Hello, General Shepherd! Thrilled you decided to come today! I’m not gonna waste words, I know you’re here to kill me, and you can do that, but you’ve gotta find me, first.” David looks around. Shay, “What do we do, David?” David, “I’m going in. But I’m not going in alone.” He waves to the big group of soldiers behind him, “Everyone else, go in. We’re gonna take them out. Come on.” He enters one of the pathways in between the boxes. The other groups go into other entrances. Slowly, David inches down the narrow path, his soldiers close behind him. Amal, “I see we aren’t fucking around today. I expected nothing less from this brave leader, the man who runs head-first into danger, who blows up every tank he sees, who heroically sacrifices himself for a greater good.” A shot fires from above, hitting one of David’s soldiers. David shoots in the direction the shot came from. Another shot comes from the opposite direction, and takes out another one of this soldiers. David spins and shoots in the other direction. The firing stops. David’s breath shakes, he keeps pointing up at the area above him. Nothing happens, “Come on, we can’t stop.” A box full of something heavy is pushed down onto David’s head, knocking him over. His soldiers furiously shoot where it fell from. One goes over to David and helps him get up. He touches a cut on his eyebrow, sees the blood on his fingers. Shay, “Shit, David, let’s just fuckin’ burn this place and get out of here.” David, “No! I’m not stopping until I get Amal!” Amal, “You know, I’ve always liked your determination.” David waves, “Come on. Everyone keep going.” Joel leads his group further in, and so does Shay. Amal, “It may seem strange, but I really admire what you’re doing. Not the whole freeing Gilboa part. The killing people part. You’ve got quite a body count, David. And not just the usual pile of dead soldiers. I mean, you executed one of your closest friends. I killed my old boss. I hated that bitch, so it was easy. Killing a friend? That’s hard.” David grits his teeth with anger, but keeps pressing forward. A burst of gunfire, one of Shay’s soldiers falls. Shay shoots back, and an Amalekite falls to the ground, dead. Amal, “You inspire me, David. I never would have become a terrorist if it weren’t for you. I talk a lot about trying to tear down society, and I like to think that I’ve done my part, but I still can’t hold a candle to you.” More exchange of gunfire. David goes forward, and sees motion out of the corner of his eye. He spins around, and sees another unit of AFG soldiers down another pathway, pointing their guns at him. He lowers his gun and presses on. Amal, “Look at what you’ve done. You drove King Silas to madness, led him into not one, but two wars. I couldn’t do that.” David comes to a fork in the paths, he looks down the two ways. Amal, “Every attack I make, I’m just trying to do what you’re doing. The palace, Damascus, Fistopia, the Belle Visage, the Western Mall… Damn, I’m losing track. You must have trouble keeping track of all the destruction you’ve caused, too.” Gunfire. Amal, “So, in case you’re wondering, yes, all those attacks are absolutely your fault.” David, “Shut the fuck up!” Amal laughs, “What, you don’t like the truth? I guess it’s easier to accept the deaths of a bunch of faceless strangers, but what about the people you know? Didn’t you kill one of your friends in the AFG’s first attacks?” David hurries forward. He finds another path, takes it. Amal, “Oh, I know, what about that little prince, Prince Seth? Yeah, he’d definitely still be alive if weren’t for your crusade against King Silas. I’d get into the other prince, but since he’s your boyfriend, I’m pretty sure you know full well that it’s your fault he’s a vegetable.” David searches frantically for a way towards Amal. Another box falls in front of him, but he ducks, and it misses him. He fires up at the ceiling, two Amalekites fall. Amal, “Hey, that’s another two you can add to your death tally. You know, you don’t even have to kill your friends to hurt them. You can just kill their parents, like you did to your Rabbi. Didn’t your diplomat’s dad get killed? I almost forgot about that. They tortured her brother, too, didn’t they? Nothing like good old fashioned torture.” David fires at the ceiling. Dust falls, but nothing else. Amal, “Really, you have to ask yourself, why are you even doing all this? For peace and freedom? What the fuck does that even mean? You want the crown. That’s it. You aren’t any different from Silas, or Linus, or anyone else who’s declared himself king. You’re going to lead more wars. You’re going to suppress your political opponents. You’ve fought so damn hard, you’re not gonna let someone else challenge you for that crown, are you? You won’t let anyone else touch it. You’ll kill them before that happens.” David finds another branch, he looks through it, and sees a large group of Amalekites. They all fire at him. He ducks back into the boxes. The Amalekites come through to find him, and he and his soldiers fire at them. Amal laughs, “See, I’m right!” David fights with the Amalekites. Shay and her group run towards the sound of the fighting. She sees the Amalekites and opens fire on them, taking them out. Amal, “I see you still have friends. Is that Shay Mendoza? Do you think she’s gonna die for you?” Shay and David look at each other. Amal, “How are you gonna hurt her, David? What terrible tragedy is going to befall her because of her involvement with you?” Shay, “Don’t listen to him, David!” Amal, “I see Joel Bronikov and Isaiah Clemens are both here. Which one of them is going to get killed? Do you really think none of your friends are gonna die for you?” David catches another movement out of the corner of his eye, and spins around, firing. An AFG soldier ducks at the end of another path, nearly struck by Davis’ bullets. Amal, “I admire you, David. You’re so much more of a villain than I ever could be. You make destruction look good. You make it feel good. I can’t do that. Only you can. If I am a demon, you summoned me. I wish I were you. Everything that I am, everything that I do, all because of you.” David finds one final opening, and goes through it, out into an empty space surrounded by boxes. He’s met by another group of Amalekites, and fires on them. Shay runs up behind him, firing, “We’re at the center!” Amalekites fall, and visible behind them is Amal, watching the scene with delight. David runs for him, fury in his eyes. Shay, “David!” David reaches Amal and tackles him. He begins to pummel his face in. Joel and his group reach the center, and fire at the Amalekites, taking them all out. Amalekites begin to appear at the rim top of the circle of boxes, and fire down at the AFG, who fire back. Other groups come out of the maze, and start firing. David furiously keeps beating Amal. He grabs Amal’s collar and slams his head against the concrete floor again and again. Amal spits out a mouth full of blood and teeth and laughs, “You love it, don’t you?!” David punches him again and again. Amal, his face an unrecognizable bloody mess, “You aren’t killing me, you’re making me suffer! You’re a man after my own heart!” David grabs his gun and points it at Amal’s head. Amal laughs, “Go ahead, kill me. Society is still going to fall apart. You’re leading the charge. Do you really think you’re going to help anyone, make anything better? You’re my fucking brother, David. You think you’re doing the right thing. Really, you’re doing so much more damage than you can even comprehend. All of my followers have taken an oath. If I die, they die with me. If you kill me, you will be responsible for all of their deaths. So go ahead, do the right thing. Kill me.” David pulls the trigger. Amal’s hand opens, and a deadman switch falls out. The remaining Amalekites stand, point their guns at their heads, and shoot themselves. David stands for a moment, stunned, and then kneels down and picks up the switch. Shay, “What the fuck just happened?” David, “I think we won?” Joel, “Yeah, it looks like we won.” Shay, “This was way too easy.” David, “Yeah, but, we won!” He raises his hand, but winces, “Ah!” he rubs it, “Is there a security system here? If we got all that on video, it would be pretty great.” Shay goes up to David, and sees the switch in his hand, “What the fuck is that?” David, “I dunno. Amal was holding it. Looks like some kind of button.” Shay, “That’s a fucking deadman switch. Something was supposed to go off when Amal died.” David, “Well, nothing’s here is blowing up.” The faint sound of sirens. David, “We should get out of here.”

At the safehouse, Abby watches the news, a chaotic scene in the crowded middle of Shiloh, “An unknown number of bombs have gone off, in what looks like a coordinated series of simultaneous attacks.” Abby’s phone buzzes, she answers, “David? What the fuck did you do?” Outside her window, an ambulance roars by. In the back of a truck full of other AFG soldiers, David talks on his phone, “I killed Amal? First time I’ve killed someone and felt no regret whatsoever.” Abby, “Did he have some kind of switch on him?” David, “What?” Abby, “A bunch of bombs just went off, all at the same time. It looks like an Amalekite attack.” Shay, next to David, shows him a news feed on her phone, “Holy shit.” David yells up at the truck’s driver, “Turn around! We’re going to help!” Shay, “Anyone who shows up in an AFG jacket is going to get arrested!” David, “Then take our fucking jackets off! We caused this attack-” Shay, “We didn’t!” David, “We’re going to help! Turn the truck around!” Shay, “David, stop it! What if this is another trap?” David goes quiet. He raises his hand, which is bruised and swollen, to brush his hair back. Shay leans forward, “Jesus, what did you do to your hand?” David, “I don’t know, something snapped.” Shay, “Fuck. We’re going back to the safehouse. You need to get that looked at.” David, “You and I are going back to the safehouse, everyone else is going out to help! We have to be seen helping!”

At a devastated cafe, chaos still swirls, AFG members jump out of a van. Cameron is followed by Yuri and Beth as he begins to look for wounded people to help. He goes up to a woman sitting on a curb with a wounded arm and blood on her forehead, “Hey, I’m a medic, are you getting help?” Woman, “No.” Cameron, “Lemme look at your head.” He examines the cut on her head, “Looks like just a laceration, you just need some stitches,” he turns over to Yuri, “Yuri, can you get her head bandaged?” Yuri gets a bandage out of Cameron’s kit and helps while Yuri examines the woman’s arm. Elsewhere, a police officer looks at the AFG jackets around him, and asks into his radio, “We have AFG jackets here, what am I supposed to do?”

In a situation room, Abner rages while Reinhardt and other officers listen in. Abner, “I don’t understand this! How could all of these bombs have gone off at once?” Reinhardt, “Sir, you’ve been in the army long enough, I’m sure you know how detonation signals work.” Abner, “Shut the fuck up, Reinhardt. I’m the fucking king and I deserve your respect.” Reinhardt, “My sincerest apologies, sir.” An aide comes in, “Sir, Police captains are reporting that AFG soldiers and medics are showing up at the bombing scenes as first responders. They want to know what to do.” Abner, “Arrest them!” Reinhardt, “Seriously?” Abner, “I told you to shut up!” Reinhardt, “Well, pardon me for speaking up sir, but arresting medics who are trying to help after a major attack is a stupid fucking idea. The public already hates you, do you really want to piss them off more?” Abner, “Arrest anyone in an AFG jacket!”

Cameron, Beth, and Yuri continue to help people. A police officer comes up and grabs Cameron, “You’re under arrest.” Cameron, “Let me finish wrapping this bandage!” Yuri stands up and goes over to the officer, “What the fuck?!” Officer, “I have orders to arrest anyone in an AFG jacket!” Yuri punches the officer. Beth pulls her phone out and starts recording. Yuri, “Go back to helping people, Cameron.” Other officers come up and grab Cameron, Yuri, and Beth. Yuri yells at the top of his lungs, “WE’RE JUST TRYING TO HELP AND YOU’RE ARRESTING US! ARE YOU PISSED BECAUSE WE’RE DOING YOUR FUCKING JOBS FOR YOU?! WE’RE JUST TRYING TO HELP!” A crowd stops to form. People step in between the police and their squad car. The officer who has Yuri, “Get out of the way, or you’ll be under arrest, too!” Yuri, “A bomb just went off and you’re gonna fucking arrest everyone here!” Officer, “Shut the fuck up!” One of the onlookers in front of the squad car goes up to the officer and punches him. A brawl breaks out. Cameron and Beth slip away, and go back to the people they were helping.

At a safehouse, Dr. Alves examines David’s hand, which is swollen and bruised. Abby sits next to them. The cut on his face is held together with a butterfly bandage. David winces, “Ah!” Alves, “Did you feel anything snap?” David, “I might have. I dunno. I was punching Amal pretty hard.” Alves, “Can you move your pinkie?” David tries, but grimaces, “Ah! No.” Alves, “Looks like your small metacarpal is broken. We call it a boxer’s fracture, happens when you punch shit too hard. You’re gonna be in a cast for six to eight weeks.” David, “I can’t do that, I still have to fight Abner.” Alves, “Find someone else to do it, or wait six to eight weeks, because otherwise your hand is gonna be permanently fucked.” David, “All right, fine.” Alves, “I’ll get you in a splint, then.” David, “Shit.” Alves leaves. Abby, “So what are we supposed to do, David?” David, “Do about what?” Abby, “About the fact that there’s a warehouse full of dead Amalekites that’s going to start smelling in a day or two.” David, “Fuck if I know. You’re the diplomat. How many people are dead?” Abby, “It’s too early to tell, but, at least 30 bombs went off.” David, “Are you fucking serious?” Abby, “I wish I wasn’t.” David, “It’s all my fault.” Abby, “No, it’s not. Alek Amal set those bombs off, you had nothing to do with it.” David, “I kind of did have something to do with it. We might as well make a statement and acknowledge everything. There’s no use trying to hide or deny it. Just stick to the facts of what happened, I guess.” Abby, “That makes sense. I’ll put something together.”

Abner watches video of Yuri being arrested, and the ensuing fight. Beside him, Reinhardt, “Not to be an asshole, but I told you this would happen.” Abner, “How many arrests have been made?” Reinhardt looks at his tablet, “Uh…. five, it looks like.” Abner, “What? That makes no fucking sense. Thirty bombs went off, and AFG was at every one of them. I gave a blanket arrest order. Did the entire police force ignore it?” Reinhardt, “I can’t tell you, sir. But I think in an emergency situation, a good police officer will put his focus on helping those in need rather than making arrests.” Abner gets up without saying anything. Reinhardt, “Sir, where are you going?” Abner, “Go home for the evening, Reinhardt. Get a good night’s sleep. We’ll clean up all this shit tomorrow. I need to visit someone.”

David sits with Shay, Joel, and Isaiah. Joel reads his phone, “There were some fights, but we had civilians coming to the AFG’s defense. This means people are on our side.” David, “Tomorrow, people are going to find out that the bombs went off when I killed Amal. They’re going to find out that this is my fault.” Shay, “It’s not your fault, how many times do I have to tell you that?” David, “It is my fucking fault.” Isaiah, “I’m gonna keep working on my drone. The best thing we can do right now is to just do what we’ve always done, and keep moving.” David, “Yeah, guess so.” Joel looks at David’s new cast, “Hey, can we sign that thing?” David, “No dicks.” Joel, “What’s the point of signing a cast if you don’t draw dicks on it?”

In his cell, Vesper works on his translations. Abner enters. Vesper looks up and sees him, “Good to see you again.” Abner sits down across from him, “When Silas would visit you, what did you two talk about?” Vesper, “This and that. The ordeals of being king, mostly. Perhaps a bit about theology. We played quite a few games of chess. Care for a game?” Abner, “Fine.” Vesper, “I’ll let you play white. You can make the first move.” Abner thinks for a moment, and moves a pawn. Vesper, “Are you an experienced player?” Abner, “Not especially.” Vesper, “Then I’ll go easy on you.” He moves a pawn. Abner thinks and then makes another move, “Today, I fucked up and made the AFG look good and myself look worse. I keep trying to do what I think Silas would do, but I can’t quite seem to get it right.” Vesper, “Are you asking me how Silas would take out Shepherd? Because it seems to me that he failed at that objective. Maybe that’s why you’re failing, too,” he makes a move, “Silas was an aggressive player, always brought his queen out too early. It took him a while, but, slowly, he learned the value of patience, and making a strategy. He learned when to sacrifice his pieces and when to protect them.” Abner, “Is there some sort of metaphor here?” Vesper, “In chess, you don’t win by eliminating all the other player’s pieces. You win by making their king unable to move.” Abner, “So are you saying all I have to do is trap Shepherd?” Vesper, “Chess is just a game, Linus. Never mistake a game for real life.”

Nighttime, David lies awake. He gets out of bed and puts his pants on. He leaves the bedroom and wanders out into the living room. Beth sits out on the sofa, watching the news with the sound off and closed captions on. She wears a tiny, tight t-shirt and a pair of boy-cut panties. David, “Hi.” Beth looks up, “Oh, hi. I was just watching the news. I’m kind of surprised because there’s no mention of Amal being killed. I mean, I guess that takes second place to the bombings, but, still, you think they’d at least mention it.” David, “Saving that announcement for tomorrow,” he sits down on the sofa, “I thought I’d end today celebrating the end of the Amalekites. Instead, I’ve got my hand in a cast for six to eight weeks.” He raises his case. Beth, “Can I sign it?” David, “Sure. I don’t know where the pens are…” Beth goes over to a desk and opens a drawer, “Here.” She goes over to David, and gently touches his arm. Their faces almost touch. David raises the cast. One of the signatures, “Love, Abby” has a vagina drawn next to it. Beth, “Is that a vagina?” David, “I said no dicks.” Beth laughs, “You should have said no genitalia.” She signs his cast, “There. Nothing obscene, just my name.” David, “Thanks.” Beth stays close to David, and lowers her voice, “You were really amazing today. I mean it. Alek Amal, he’s fucking terrifying, or, thanks to you, he was. If I were in the same room with him, I would have just panicked. You ran straight to him and beat the shit out of him. That’s incredible.” David, “He made me angry.” Beth breathes heavily and looks into David’s eyes, and he looks back at her. Cut to: (“Desire” Meg Myers) David and Beth passionately make out on the couch, and rip their clothes off. A condom wrapper falls to the floor. They fuck with raw intensity. Beth claws at David’s back, and he bites her lip. She moans with pleasure, and David gasps as he comes. For a moment, he lies on top of her, panting. He opens his eyes and looks at her. She smiles at him, satisfied. David gets to his feet, “This isn’t going to happen again!” He grabs his clothes and walks off, leaving Beth confused.

[think32blog]

The ‘Unheard’ of the north of Ireland

‘Whataboutery’ is rampant in Ireland. I want to indulge in some myself. I want to ask “what about the ‘unheard’”? Who are they? Do they exist?

In the interest of transparency it should be mentioned that I am a Sinn Féin voter. However, the views expressed are my own. I occasionally use ‘we’ or ‘us’ but I am a Dubliner and have never lived in the north of Ireland. These views are merely intended to encourage discussion. They do not reflect red line positions of mine on any aspect of the issues mentioned.

In this article the term ‘Nationalists’ will encompass nationalists and republicans, and the term ‘Unionists’ will encompass unionists and loyalists, in the six counties of the north of Ireland that are deemed to be part of the United Kingdom. I will also refer to the 6 counties as ‘the north’ thus avoiding ‘the occupied 6 counties’ and ‘Ulster’, both terms which are irritating to one side or the other. The word ‘fundamentalist’ shall refer to hardliners of either side. Please allow some latitude for generalisations so as not to get bogged down in the kind of petty arguments that have dogged intelligent discourse about the north for nearly 100 years.

The factions involved in deciding whether or not we have a United Ireland appear clearly defined. The majority of Nationalists want a United Ireland although some would vote to remain part of the United Kingdom. The majority of Unionists want to remain in the UK although some would vote for a United Ireland. (Polls show that the latter ‘some’ is increasing because of the utter mess known as Brexit). The extent of each group’s aspirations can often be easily discovered simply by the passion/vitriol with which they express themselves….

One wet night over 30 years ago I saw graffiti in a London establishment’s Men’s facilIty (a pub jax on a rainy night in Soho) which stated in beautiful, flowing English that: “THE QUEEN IS A HORE”. Some other gentleman who was obviously upset by the spelling error appended: “”WHORE”, YOU IRISH P***K”. A third person drew a circle around this passionate interaction and added his tuppence worth which read: “CAPTAIN’S LOG, STAR DATE: 09.12.1987. THERE IS NO SANE LIFE HERE.”

This delightful interaction could be used as an analogy for the mentality of, and interactions of fundamentalists from both sides. Fundamentalists such as the unionist who ranted and raved about Munster rugby supporters brazenly displaying a balaclava-wearing image on their province’s flag. Of course it was not a balaclava-wearing anything, merely the province’s actual symbol which when the wind is blowing a certain way causing the flag to adopt a specific creased formation might look like a balaclava-wearing image. It also requires the mind of a paranoid loon to see that image in such an utterly innocent flag regardless of the wind or the creases or whatever.  I read a republican fundamentalist on social media who was demanding that sterling should not be accepted in the north and that only the punt is legal tender. When I pointed out that (a) we no longer use the punt in Ireland (notwithstanding Munster rugby matches) and (b) the whole discussion is about a United Ireland which would negate the requirement for sterling, this genius, after some consideration, told me to “F*ck off, you west Brit bollox”. I was hurt for days afterwards.

The point is we have all seen or heard or read this type of fundamentalist clap-trap. It is not helpful in any way, shape or form especially when one considers that these morons are serious – in some cases deadly serious in the literal sense.

The next type of grouping contains people who are strongly aligned to political parties. By ‘strongly aligned’ I mean people who not only vote for their chosen party but who canvass, attend meetings, are card-carrying members etc. Many Nationalists would say the Democratic Unionist Party (DUP) should be included with the fundamentalists mentioned earlier.  My own bias would dictate the same sentiment. Nevertheless, a cold and dispassionate look at the DUP makes it very difficult for them to be seen any other way. The leaders of this party appear to be living in a time long past – the era of the British Empire. It appears to be lost on them that in poll after poll a large majority of British people couldn’t care less about the north and understand very little about its history. The only conclusion I can arrive at regarding the DUP’s continuing desire to be part of a nation that clearly doesn’t want them is that the Union is not really the most important issue to them at all. Some Liverpool FC fans hate Manchester United more than they love LFC, and vice versa. In a similar way, the DUP’s hatred for anything remotely associated with the south of Ireland far outweighs their apparent love of the Union – a love not dissimilar to that of a battered husband or wife who keeps going back to their abusive spouse hoping the latter will change – they never change. This is supported by the fact that the DUP have gone against the wishes of the majority of people in the north by supporting Brexit. They are willing to push the north into even worse penury just to avoid being in any way associated with the rest of Ireland’s EU status and, they argue, to be treated identically to the UK (but not when it comes to same sex marriage or abortion). I call it selective martyrdom. Unfortunately, it’s all the citizens of the north who will suffer after the Tories £1bn bribe to the DUP.

Leaving aside the DUP leadership’s variety of unionism, Unionists are absolute in their conviction that they belong in the north of Ireland as British citizens. They are right.

Sinn Féin supporters are somewhat different because we think we hold the moral high ground. I’m not referring to paramilitary atrocities on either side but rather I’m referring to the ideological moral high ground.  Nothing will ever change us in believing Ireland was colonised and that resulted in one part of society becoming second-class citizens in their own country. We will never change because those are historical and indisputable facts.  Ultimately, and most relevantly in this article, every single Nationalist, by definition, wants a United Ireland.  

So, there’s the problem. Nationalists, whose biggest representative party is Sinn Féin, want a United Ireland, while a very large majority of Unionists, whose biggest representative party is the DUP, want to remain in the UK, I think.

I think. 

Nationalist and Unionist fundamentalists and party-aligned people have been discussed here but I believe there is a huge number of citizens in the north of Ireland who are very often ignored and who may well make up a large majority of the population. These include people who are so disillusioned they simply do not bother to vote. Those who vote for the same party over and over again because “that’s what we do in this house”. Those who vote for a party because of peer pressure and the resultant guilt if they defy their peers. Those who vote for a party simply because they could never vote for ‘themmuns’ even if themmuns achieved spectacular results for the community as a whole. I’m talking about carpenters, schoolteachers, cleaning staff, doctors, dockers, unemployed…all types of people who may think they have a voice but might be unaware that whilst they are exercising their franchise when it comes to ticking a box  - they might be doing so for the wrong reasons. I’m talking about those people who are not political activists on either side of the community. I suggest they might be the majority of people. I call them the ‘unheard’.

Both sides of the community in the north need to learn about the other. Both sides need an understanding of the other. For example, I could argue convincingly that an Irish Language Act (ILA) would be a good thing for both sides of the community. I could say it’s harmless. I could say both sides of the community can learn Gaeilge (as many already do). I could point out that we already agreed to have an ILA. My coup de grace would be “sure if you lot want to be identical to the rest of Britain why not give us a Language Act like Wales and Scotland have”. Pretty convincing arguments, eh? Actually, they are not pretty convincing arguments because I have not had the decency and respect to say to the Unionist community “why do you not want us to have an Irish Language Act?” Effectively, I have made a great argument without consulting those who, for reasons I do not know because I have never asked them, may not want an ILA.  This is a core point of the discourse I would like to see.

I do not want to ask the DUP why they are so opposed to an Irish Language Act or ask Sinn Féin why they want one so much because I know I’ll get a political response. I want to ask the unheard. I want to let them know why I want an ILA and I want them to tell me why (if) they do not want me to have one. I want Nationalists to listen to Unionists as human beings and vice versa. We did not come out of our mothers’ wombs with hatred in our hearts. It was taught to us. Hatred needs to be un-taught, so to speak.

It can be disheartening for both sides when we let fundamentalists be our voice. I recall when Lyra McKee was murdered. Her death’s legacy was appearing to be a united front against any and all dissidents. I imagined this would please her. A day or two later I was on social media and I read a fundamentalist saying “Sinn Féin haven’t even condemned Lyra’s murder”. I was utterly deflated because I had read countless comments on social media from Sinn Féin people utterly condemning her murder. I then realised the person who made that comment would not be ‘following’ anyone from the Nationalist side of the community, in the very same way that most Nationalists would not follow anyone from the other side. Fundamentalists aside (because let’s face it, they are all morons), maybe we could start a program where a group from the unheard of both communities agree to follow each other and see where it goes. I will leave the answers to all these questions to others..

In 1994 tensions in the north of Ireland were still running high. I was a more hardline Republican than I am now. I was in a hotel lounge on the northside of Dublin with my then partner and another couple. It was very busy as Garth Brooks was playing in the Point Depot that weekend.  The four of us were sitting at a table which had room for a few more people when two couples asked (in broad northern accents) if anyone was sitting in the spare places. Between laughs we managed to say “no”. The reason we were laughing is because they were dressed from head to toe in elaborate cowboy and cowgirl outfits From the Stetsons all the way down to the spurred boots.  Anyway, we shifted ourselves to make room until we ended up with us four facing the new four. One of the cowboys rolled up his sleeves and I noticed he had Union Jack tattoos on both of his arms. He saw me noticing and asked if I had a problem. I replied I would only have a problem if he made one. He just stared at me. It was tense, macho bullshit. One of the cowgirls said he should just roll down his sleeves.  He hesitated, looked at me and I said “it would probably be better if you did”. Eventually he rolled down his sleeves. In the meantime the four girls were now chatting about the cowgirl outfits. As is often the case the females were far more mature than the males. One of the guys said “why can’t we talk about football?” I said “no doubt you support Linfield.” He said “Aye, in the same way you follow Celtic”. We laughed. The atmosphere relaxed and we got down to real conversation and we bought them all a drink. They couldn’t buy us one back quickly enough. We ended up having a great night with them. The four of us sang “The Sash” but only if they sang “A Nation Once Again” first. They thought it was hilarious when we changed the words to “starvation once again”. We sang and laughed and drank until the early hours of the morning. It was a rare oul time. 

When we were departing the girls hugged each other and us lads shook hands. The guy with the tattoos pulled me close to him and hugged me too. As he did he said quietly “I suppose we’ll go back to hating each other now.” I replied “I suppose so.” He asked why we do that. As we had been talking about the movie The Commitments earlier in the night I thought it would be apt to reply, just like Jimmy Rabbitte looking in the mirror, “I’m f*cked if I know.”

The point is that once we got over the suspicions about each other and started chatting about ‘normal’ things we got on great. We were even able to give each other our perspectives on the north of Ireland. It was the first time either party had ever listened to the other side’s perspective. It was the first time I accepted that Unionists were as entitled to be in Ireland as much as I am. I believe that night changed me – not because we talked but because we listened to two cowboys and two cowgirls from the Unionist community of the north of Ireland – I listened to the unheard. Listening could be a key to a United Ireland. Do not dismiss the notion of a 32 county Ireland. Think 32.

Kevin O’Connor 30.07.2019 Dublin

Addendum 

Yesterday evening I was amazed to see Belfast shipyard workers (traditionally a largely unionist workplace) demanding their rights as Gaeilge (in Irish). Just like the dockers and other professions I mentioned in the article, these men are part of the unheard (up to now). It was an absolute joy for me to hear them chanting as Gaeilge. Not in a triumphant way for me but in a way that made me say to myself “why shouldn’t they? It’s their language as much as mine.” Other than the usual fundamentalist morons no-one can see any bad from what those brave men did, only good. I do not expect them to be tripping over each other to vote Sinn Féin but they were polite to the Sinn Féin people, as were the Sinn Féin people towards them. Hopefully, it’s the start of something positive and new.

Kevin O’Connor 01.08.2019 Dublin