#a:afternoonblues

[afternoonblues]

2.5 hrs till my first paper of my masters exam ya'll. my only prayer now is that i hope i remember all the points for all these poems (a total of 40 dating from 13th century to 20th, man 😮‍💨) and properly finish up my answers. my memory power is just extreme trash so seriously....brain! please bear with me today, okay? we have studied hard enough, right?

[afternoonblues]

i'm not being completely cruel. yes, i know it may seem like i'm being one but. no. my mother needs to understand that her frozen shoulder cannot stay that way forever unless and until she starts doing some exercises or physical therapy. i understand her leg pain. old age, spine injury. all that usual jazz. but frozen shoulder? now i've had my fair share of that too along with neck becoming so stiff every once in a while from sleeping in a wrong way that it has brought me to tears but i've done exercises to heal myself up. she's just not doing it. she thinks if i keep on massaging her shoulders, her hands and both of her legs, then it will eventually recover.

it will not. it's been months.

and, i've told her multiple times i cannot keep on massaging her every single night. she will not understand my mental capacity right now and i don't expect her too, but to do this shit every night since god knows when for years? i am done. so tonight, no, actually since the morning when she was in a pretty good mood, i've been telling her that i will not be massaging her hand tonight unless and until she starts doing some of those very very very simple exercises (even the neurologist had told her to do the same! when we went in march for her bell's palsy check-up, from which she recovered very quick). she had thought i was joking and that if she lovingly nags me little, i will cave in.

i didn't cave in because i'm a person who knows my limit and how to keep my word. i've massaged her legs, just the way i do, every single night but i have not touched her arms. she has been coaxing me a lot, fake cries and all that, saying how she will not be able to sleep if i don't massage her arms. she is acting like such a child, it's ridiculous. she is almost gaslighting me too by saying some other things and tbh i don't care. i have told her no matter what happens tonight, i am not doing this. i'm doing this for her own good so that SHE can recover NOT ME. she may stay mad at me for as long as she wants, i will stand my ground.

[afternoonblues]

FINALLY submitted my assignment papers for 1st year masters & god it was a torture fr...why the hell do they never keep their servers up and running properly when they know damn well hundreds of people will flock in to submit their papers????

[afternoonblues]

people you'd like to get to know better game

heyy @smolhours thank you so much for the tag! hope you've been well? always nice to see you on my dashboard.

last song: tere bin by atif aslam (I MISS THIS MAN singing nowadays and his voice. the nostalgia though....is off the roof bc tell me why bollyword don't make music like this anymore)

favorite color: monochromatic, pastels & all shades of blue (forgive me but i cannot for the life of me choose a single colour as a favourite)

sweet/savory/spicy: i'm desi, specifically bengali indian so you CANNOT expect me not to say spicy. (although bengalis are quite known all around the world for the magic they do with their sweets, i'm not a really sweet person. although i do have some favs like rosomalai, chanar jilepi, motichur [not the laddu, this one is square-shaped], patishaptah & of course, the classics - warm chanar rosogolla & misti doi.)

currently watching: yesterday i finished utakoi & it was overall a pretty good show. i liked most of the female characters tbh more than their male counterparts. currently, i'm not really planning on binge watching anything although i'm watching the recent episodes of ghosts season 3 (the us version) once in a while. it's a fun show to watch to make my mood better. (i know many people prefer the og uk version but well, i tried to watch that & i absolutely hated the colour grading and idk couldn't vibe with the characters, sorry!!)

relationship status: single

current obsession: just like @smolhours (i wish i could catch your name, please tell me only if you want though, a nickname will be good too), i'm too very much obsessed with raven of the inner palace, what a wonderful show and what a masterpiece LN series. my honest wish is that i hope it gets the crown it deserves. i cannot believe i've read some people say that the writing is 'shallow'...how preposterous. i had to roll my eyes so bad at such comments but regardless, i want more and more people to discover this series (crossed fingered & praying for a second season!!!)

last google: "is eyedrops poison" because i saw on twt that a woman killed another woman while in prison with eyedrops. imagine how baffled i was when i learnt that apparently, eyedrops, if consumed (by mistake) can be toxic to us. the ingrediant that does the poisoning is tetrahydrozoline. it makes our blood level toxic (?) i guess. now, i use eye drops everyday because my eyes gets dry pretty often. it sort of an allergy thingy (plus hereditary issue) so yeah....need to REAL careful from now on.

(not gonna tag anyone specific, anyone can feel free to do this!)

[afternoonblues]

finally done with my part-I masters exam...now i will lie down and just sleep sleep sleep all day tomorrow. august really went by so fast i didn't even have time to settle in, i was only rushing. apart from my 1st paper, the other 3 were okay, i cannot say good or bad because i don't want to jinx it tbh but yeah it's a master's i don't expect myself to get some high score. i personally don't deem myself to be like those super scorer intelligent kiddos. i am okay being average at best. but yeah. this was overwhelming sometimes. i have to do this again the next year. hopefully i will prepare myself far better than this year.

[afternoonblues]

enjoying reading academic journals & books is a different kind of joy especially when it's a subject you enjoy dwelling in ya'know

[afternoonblues]

escaping and bleeding through all these years.