#acknowledging bias is one thing but sometimes we get to close to different phobias and it's not a good thing

[madwheelerz]

Since there's already a meltdown happening, I will calmly express my opinions on Mike's sexuality and leave y'all with a message.

So, if you've hung around enough, you probably know that I think Mike is gay. I'm going to highlight some of my points that I've been wanting to talk about for a while, but didn't because of well *wildly gestures at the meltdown*.

Anyway,

1) The entire fiasco with comparing Mike's reaction to the ladies store with his reaction to the fleshflayer and the comment about him being scared.

2) This is actually what I came to think about. The reason I don't think Mike likes girls has to do with a variety of things, but outside of Will he's the only one of the party that doesn't mention how hot Phoebe Cates is.

They removed his crush on Jennifer Hayes, which I always find odd because we wouldn't even be having a debate if that was there. El is the only girl he's shown to date, but their portrayal is so...juvenile ig?

Like the contrasts between byler and mlvn start immediately from the season that they get together. The sheer difference in his reaction between getting dumped by El vs. his reaction to Will yelling at him.

You could also argue that Nancy and Steve didn't have a particularly deep connection, but we don't doubt he likes girls. He flirts with the customers, and he gets a date to the pep rally. We see him with other girls.

Jonathan is the only character we see who has eyes for one person. We don't doubt his feelings for Nancy, though. We hear him and Nancy go on about the traits that they love about each other.

I know Mike has a girlfriend, but so do Dustin and Lucas. An offhand comment about how great Phoebe Cates looks or an implication of him having a crush on Jennifer Hayes would go a long way.

3) His realization when he kissed El. I think he definitely realized something at that moment.

4) Meta stuff - "boys only", finds a girl in the boys' locker room and is upset, kicked out of the girls' bathroom.

Anyway, who's to say for sure anyway. I will not be interacting with the tag for a bit. Parting message in the tags. Above all, stay safe y'all.

[1863-project]

One of the things I’ve really wondered about on this website is that oftentimes people don’t acknowledge that human beings grow and change and recognize their mistakes and learn from them. (Well, most human beings, anyway.) There’s a strong callout culture on this website, and whilst it certainly makes sense to explain to people why what they’re saying is problematic in the here and now, going back ten years to something they said or did when they were 13 and learned from is a bit much. (If they haven’t learned from their mistakes, that’s naturally very different, because then they’re not committed to being a better person. Most people are committed, though.)

I realize, too, a big part of this is that Tumblr’s userbase is very young. Your frontal lobes don’t stop developing until you’re in your mid-twenties, so it takes a while to fully develop rational thought and understand that the world doesn’t simply operate in black and white. The world is a very grey place, and there’s no such thing as a perfect human being because we’re human beings, not dogs. (Dogs are, in fact, perfect.) People are going to make mistakes, mess up, and say and do things that aren’t always the right thing to do, and most of them are going to learn from those mistakes and grow as people.

If a person does a problematic thing at some point, they’ll probably be called on it, and they’ll probably learn from it. If they learn and improve as a person, that’s the best thing you can possibly ask for, because they’re growing! We’re all constantly growing. I’m turning 28 in less than two months and I’m still learning, too. But it’s especially important to remember - since many of you are very young - that things are in color, not in black and white, and that people are constantly growing and changing. Something someone did or said years ago isn’t necessarily representative of who they are now, so before you judge, learn about them and see if they’ve changed first. Trust me, it’ll help you big-time in the long run.

Of course, if a person is still a jerk (think Jeff Sessions, for example), then yes, it’s absolutely worth saying something. If you see someone say or do something that’s not right in the present, jump on that and explain why it’s wrong and hurtful. Working on fostering understanding is absolutely important and pointing out when a person’s blind to something can help them grow! I know I’ve learned a lot ever since my senior year in college when my roommate informed me that I was being close-minded because I was judging the people around me simply because they looked like the people I went to high school with who weren’t nice to me.

A person doing or saying one thing that is deemed “bad” but otherwise being a decent human being doesn’t make them nonredeemable. It means that this is a chance for them to grow, and you can be the one to help them grow by pointing out why said thing is bad. This can include accidental (or even intentional, amazingly) racism, sexism, ableism, LGBTQIA-phobia, anti-Semitism, or any other form of bigotry or bias. Oftentimes, people don’t even realize that these things are what they are because these behaviors are so ingrained in them. Pointing it out and explaining it to them (via discussion, protesting, or other ways of fighting back) is incredibly important because it can be really eye-opening for some people. As an autistic woman, I’ve found that explaining to people that I don’t want a cure for who I am, for example, is particularly interesting because so many people don’t even consider that we might not want what people try to push on us because we’re individual human beings with wants, desires, and lives. Sometimes I explain this with civility. Sometimes I get angry. It depends on what’s appropriate to that situation.

Human beings naturally want to learn and be the best people they can be, so before you jump to conclusions about them for things from their past, look at their present and see if they’ve grown and changed. If they have, great! They’ve improved as people! If they haven’t, then you can set about making them see the error of their ways in whatever way is applicable to the situation, be it a gentle explanation, a planned (or spontaneous) protest, or whatever has to be done to get the point across.