#actually before the ni/mona thoughts

[kuiinncedes]

ahhhhh

[kaiyunsim]

silver lining —

pairing : top student!sion x troublemaker!reader

summary : detention is supposed to be boring, until the school’s top student shows up with the world’s worst excuse. turns out, they might’ve broken a rule just to sit next to you.

warnings : fluff, kind of cliché, featuring ni-ki from enhypen, ni-ki is such a troublemaker too.

a/n : i love laufey. i love silver lining. i love nct wish. also trying out a different writing style... lmk any thoughts :)

queueing : silver lining - laufey, talk - beabadoobee, left right xg, mona lisa - mxmtoon

— wc 1.3k — not proof read —

you shouldn’t have done it.

stupid ni-ki.

“y/n, detention for vandalism” your teacher reports, “you need to stop getting these, it might affect your permanent record.” she continues. she isn't mean or commanding, she just sounds like she actually cares and is looking out for you.

you look up to her, “just me this time?” you ask with a smirk of nonchalance.

“well, is there anyone else i should call?” she asks, wondering if you're going to rat anyone out.

but that's not something you would do.

"nope, all me" you say, feigning innocence. it was all ni-ki's idea but you're not the type to tattle on anyone who hasn't been caught.

under the teacher's, more like principal's guidance, you stay afterschool in the same classroom.

it's just you, like it usually is. life isn't fun without a bit of thrill, and people just don't wanna have fun.

while inside you just sit around, you stare outside the window next to you. it's something you've started to do while the staff started to take away your phone when they realized that you were texting other students to help break you out of detention.

among the crowd of people leaving the school, ni-ki's face catches your gaze as he pulls his eyelid down while sticking out his tounge. you should've called him out to the teacher.

a few minutes pass and you're laying your head on your arms, trying to pass the time. you close your eyes, thoughts starting to drift to—

knock. knock. knock.

you raise your head, startled. you look to the teacher's desk, like they accidentally locked themselves out the room (has happened before). agianst your suspicions, you find that the teacher is present and at their desk. she also looks surprised, not expecting more people to come.

she gets up and checks on the door. your thoughts immediately think that ni-ki got caught in his own shenanigans. when the door get opens you see the face of someone who doesn't belong in the detention class, oh sion.

oh sion is notable for being the top student of the school. highest grades? oh sion. teacher's favorite student? oh sion. student favorite? oh. si. on.

you did not expect to see him knocking on the detention classroom's door. you just assume he's dropping something off for the teacher, he always does small things like that. such a teachers pet.

"hi, mr. kim sent me here" sion explains to the teacher who now looks in disbelief. you share that same expression as sion locks eyes with you for a moment, giving you a smile before being sent to your neighboring desk.

you just glare at him, not in a mean way or anything, just analyzing the situation. like, why would the top student be in detention? he catches your glance, where you immediately glance away, trying to avoid any conversation.

he just slumps, leaning his head on his arm. "man, it's boring here." he mumbles.

you turn back to him. you probably shouldn't talk to him, you are the biggest troublemaker. but the way he's just there makes it seem like he wants to talk.

"why are you here?" you ask, genuinely curious about what he could have possibly done to be here.

he looks at you, "um... cheating on a test" he responds, sounding unconvincing as ever.

an awkward silence follows.

you don't believe it. "yeah, right."

you glare at him more than before, but instead of just analyzing him, you're trying to dig for the real reason he is here. he kinda just freezes in your gaze and the awkward tension increases.

when the teacher leaves for a moment, you take it as your opportunity to ask, "okay so what's the real reason? you here to help me break out?" you joke, trying to lighten the mood, especially with the atmosphere.

"listen, maybe i'm just done being the perfect student." he replies, not sounding even a little bit more convincing than before.

you just react with an imperceptible smile.

as time passes on, you lean to the nearby window catching some sleep while you're here. while you do so, you feel someone staring at you. you slightly open your eyes and turn your head to see sion just blatantly staring.

“si… on?” you mumble, voice coated with drowsiness.

all of a sudden, the table seems to be the most interesting thing in the world. sion immediately looks towards it, now avoiding your own stare.

you make some slight notes of how he's acting, but your brain malfunctions due to just getting up from your nap.

after slowly recovering and rubbing your eyes, you start to notice small things that sion does. some things like tapping his feet at a fast pace, small glances that end up with him looking at another direction, and small taps from their finger that make some slight noise on the table.

it makes you think... sion's nervous..?

he's definitely not as calm as he usually seems.

you check the time on the clock. 3:30pm. 30 minutes left.

"god, this is taking forever." you comment, taking your attention towards the window which now has fewer students, only the ones staying for after school activities. you're kind of surprised to not receive a reply back from sion, he commented earlier so you kinda just expected one again.

you turn to see what caught him busy and just see that he is writing on paper. correction, he isn't doing homework like you though he would be doing, he's just doodling on some piece of paper.

this top student really is weird...

you peek over, curiosity winning on the inside. "you doodle?" you ask.

he freezes for a second, not expecting you to notice him doing his own thing. "sometimes."

"let me see"

he offers his paper, covered in drawing to you. it’s not amazing art, but it’s thoughtful. little sketches of windows. hands. the corner of a locker. shadows that look familiar. just things that he likely thought were interesting to look at.

but then you swear your heart stops, just for a second, a small drawing which is practically recognizable catches your eye. a more detailed drawing of someone with their feet on a desk, leaning back.

“…is that me?” you asked

sion doesn’t answer right away. instead, he rests his cheek on his fist and smile, just barely. "maybe.”

the room suddenly feels smaller. quieter. heavier. that and the teacher who is supposed to be supervising you probably isn't coming back.

you push the paper back. "you're weird"

"and you noticed," he says with a smile that you swear you've never seen before, and you've seen him practically everywhere. it's hard not to.

somehow, that breaks the tension. not by erasing it, but by naming it. giving it space to exist.

"so why did you do it?" you question.

"what do you mean?" he questions back.

"why did you get detention" you clarify. "i know it's not because you cheated on a test, you wouldn't do that"

he just stares for a bit, like he's about to admit something.

"well, we were in class and you were gonna be in detention alone..." he mutters. "and i kinda told the teacher that i was a part of your thing with ni-ki"

you just stare with wide eyes.

"what the fuck... you're insane" you say jokingly. "so you're here cause of me?"

"basically"

you just smirk, nudging him in the process. now you think he's cooler than just the normal top student you originally thought he was.

just like that, detentions over. the teacher still isn't back but you both just get up and exit the classroom. a small silence is present as you hesitate.

"so see you around..?"

sion gives you a look, amused. something softer in his expression than usual.

"probably sooner than you think"

tysm for reading :>

nct wish taglist :

perm taglist : @s0shroe @minoouz @the0p @mon2sunjinsuver

[ktrsss1fics]

I saw your tags on that sock gif of Ni and I really wanna see a little thing about Fergie and Niall doing Secret Santa!!!!

It was the Friday before the Christmas holidays. In the next few days, Georgina and her friends would be braving the crowds of LAX to catch flights back home. She was excited to say the least. She missed her mum and her dog and was looking forward to eating some of her nan’s fig pudding.

Before she could get back to the U.K., she was headed to a Christmas party at Jamie and Mags’ place. Instead of doing a white elephant gift like they usually did, this year’s party was focused around Secret Santa.

She got Niall.

Out of all the people in their group, she got the one person she couldn’t stand. She tried to trade with Brittany but she said no. She even hit up Dave but he wasn’t budging either.

She spent one of her days off trying to find something that he would like. Finding something for someone you don’t get on with was a difficult task. The limit was twenty-five dollars. She thought about going the easy route: a bottle of whiskey or a gift card to Target.

After taking two laps around the Grove, she finally landed on something that would be perfect. She didn’t know if he would genuinely like it but it made her laugh. She hoped it’d make him laugh too.

“Ferg, you end up sortin’ out a gift?” Dave asked sitting down in front of her on the floor.

“It’s absolute shite but it’s there.” Georgina said nodding towards the tree.

“To be honest, you could get him a pair of socks and he’d be a happy boy.” Dave laughed.

“Well that’s what he got.” She mumbled softly.

“Really?” Dave asked surprised.

“What do you get someone who literally has everything?” She shrugged. “You can never have too many socks. I mean he travels a lot so I figured he could use a lot of socks. I don’t know. It was a stupid idea.”

Dave patted her knee. “You’re adorable kid.”

“He’s gonna hate it.” Georgina said as the rest of their friends gathered around the tree.

“No he won’t. He is going to love anything you get him just because it’s from you.” Dave leaned up to whisper in her ear.

“Oi David! You better not be tellin’ her who you had.” Mags called out from across the room.

“Cool the jets Mags. I’m not.” Dave smiled before looking around. “Everyone ready?”

“I’ll pass'em out.” Jamie said grabbing a handful of presents.

Within a few minutes, Christmas themed paper wrap and red colored tissue lay on the floor. The excitement level in the living room had sky-rocketed. Presents were inspected as various conversations started amongst the group of friends.

Georgina received an industrial strength coffee pot from Keith. It was actually a pretty practical gift, which she appreciated it.

Niall had missed the opening session due to a phone call from his mother. When he got back into the room, he sat on the floor next to Keith and quietly read her card. As he pulled the tissue out of the gift bag, his baby blue eyes lit up.

He looked across the room at Georgina and couldn’t help but smile. Sitting in his lap was about ten pairs of odd socks. One pair had cats dressed up like Mona Lisa. Another pair was covered in avocados. There were striped socks and socks with the Spurs emblem on them. She even found some covered in his face.

Without saying anything, he got up and sat beside the young woman. Before he could get out a thank you, she beat him to it.

“If you want the receipt to return them, I still have it.” Georgina faked a smile.

Niall looked at her confused, “Why would I do that?”

“Because it’s a stupid gift and not something you put on your list.” She said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“You really think that?” He asked.

Georgina nodded slightly embarrassed.

Niall lifted up the leg of his trousers to reveal a pair of Christmas socks covered in reindeers.

“Oh.” She blushed.

“You hit the nail on the head.” He smiled. “Can never have enough socks! It’s a very practical gift.”

“They have a whole store of weird socks at CityWalk. My coworker Debra told me about. You’d like it.” Georgina smiled.

“Oh yeah?” Niall said surprised.

Georgina nodded. “I looked it up online. You’d be amazed.”

“I’ll have to look into it.” He smiled.

“Are you sure you like them?” She asked worried he was just putting on a show.

She’d been there before with her dad’s family. She would receive something she didn’t like but have to fake it until they left. She couldn’t tell if he was being genuine.

“I’d give you shit if I hated it.” He said bluntly.

He did have a point. When it came to the little things, their relationship was made up of brutal honesty.

“You just made me Christmas Fergie.” Niall said leaning in to give her a hug.

“D'ya like the ones with your face on them?” She asked with a laugh.

“Looks nothing like me.” He rolled his eyes.

“How does it feel to know that at age twenty-two you have reached the highest level of success?” Georgina teased.

“You’re a brat.” Niall blushed.

“Your face is on people’s feet.” She said softly. “They go through their day at the office or school knowing that just under their trousers, beneath their shoe, is the cheery face of that one Irish guy who sings about being beautiful.”

“It’s a privilege really.” He said dryly. “To know I’m the reason their feet are staying warm and dry.”

“Real humanitarian effort there Horan.” She laughed making him smile.

“Speaking of humanitarian effort, I got you something.” Niall said reached underneath the tree.

He placed a perfectly wrapped gift on her lap.

“Pretty sure this was illegal.” She said embarrassed by the fact she got an extra gift.

“Fuck off and open it.” He said softly.

She pulled back the paper to reveal a frame. Inside was a photograph of her and the boys on her first ever trip to the pub on game day. Tottenham had beaten Chelsea 3-1. She stood between Niall and Jamie with a huge smile on her face.

Niall cleared his throat shyly, “Figured you could put it on your desk at work. It could be a little pick me up when you need a win.”

Georgina’s face grew warm. This was one of the sweetest things anyone has ever given her. Work had been really difficult for her lately and at times she had wanted to give up. The fact that Niall noticed and tried to find a way to help remedy the situation spoke volumes of his character.

“You are a sweet little shit sometimes, aren’t ya Horan?” She said trying to hide how much it really meant to her.

The smile on Niall’s face grew in size. He knew in Fergie language that meant she loved it. She reached out and gave his leg a squeeze. She didn’t need to say anything else. That small gesture was enough.

Niall leaned in close and whispered in her ear, “Happy Christmas Fergie.”

[alexissleeps]

The Realm of Realism: Camera Arts and its Qualities

“We naturally assume a rough resemblance between the world portrayed in the fiction movie and the real world.”

                                              - Joseph H. Kupfer

Films have a notable power to create all-consuming realities, realities which the viewer, as intimated above by Kupfer, accept as an extension of our physical reality. Agnès Varda’s Sans toit ni loi, the ice-cold and bitter story of Mona, a young vagabond wandering à la campagne de France, is so poignant because it feels real. Her struggle to survive and keep herself safe, her philosophies and nihilistic temperament, her transient relations, and her ultimate demise: it all appears so real. Mona is fictitious, but her story isn’t. In some place, at some time, that life was lived. She personifies Murphy’s Law. This feature — presenting reality — is exemplified by film and photography, as the media are best equipped for the task, and tend toward realism. 

Realism is not entirely unique to film or photography, it is found in other visual arts and in literature, “it is just easier to achieve with a camera than with the brush” (Walton, 249). The camera can’t help but show the world. There is something unique about film and photography’s relationship to reality. A facial composite is not likely not exactly resemble a perpetrator, whereas stills from surveillance camera’s biggest obstacle in rendering a face is their image quality. And unlike a drawing from memory, “photographs of a crime are more likely to be admitted as evidence in court” (Walton, 247). Photographs, and to a greater extent films, have a different effect than other visual arts. That effect: a kind of proximity to physical reality, to an actual moment, that no other medium possesses. 

[What is realism?] 

What realism can be understood as what realism is not — namely, reality.  As the word suggests, realism has a connection to reality, but is not physical reality. To borrow from Kracauer’s discussion on reality, “there are different visible worlds,” the one we manifest in is “physical reality,” but there is also “camera-reality,” and “a theatrical play, for instance, suggests a universe of its own” (28, 29). Realism “records interesting accepts of physical reality,” and attempts to render physical reality as well as it can but, it isn’t physical reality (Kracauer, 30).

For instance, with regard to photography, there is “no such illusion” that when one looks at a picture of an object they are actually seeing the object; a photograph is a “mere projection on a flat surface and easily distinguished from ‘reality’” (Walton, 5). In addition, this 2D image must create depth internally and address the problem of “constancy of size” to more closely resemble the 3D physical reality we perceive (Arnheim, 13). Alternatively, “film represents reality as it evolves over time with unique cinematic techniques and devices,” and is better endowed with the ability to create realism than photography. However, the medium still has its own limits on that ability. 

Film lacks particular elements of physical reality which contribute to its “‘partial illusion’” of reality (Arnheim, 15). Most notably, the “absence of the space-time continuum” (Arnheim, 20). We do not experience “jerks in time or space” in physical reality (Arnheim, 21). We cannot separate time and space from the moment before, nor chop it up and rearrange its linear progression; but, we can do this with film. And, while viewing the film, the “limitations of the picture are felt immediately” (Arnheim, 17). In physical reality one can move their head left and right to observe the full visual space, but the screen is a sharp departure from that. When you move your head left and right you see beyond the screen,  physical reality intrudes and the “‘partial illusion’” is broken. Arnheim also mentions black and white film’s contribution to the “‘partial illusion;’” its inability to fool us into believing the sky is the same color as a woman’s lips, for instance, but this is a less relevant point since the invention of color film and digital cameras. 

Conversely, realism may be better defined by what it is and how directors have actualized the concept. Italian Neorealist director Victor De Sica, for example, followed three tenants of realism in his film Bicycle Thieves, “to portray real or everyday people in actual settings, examine socially significant themes, and promote organic development of situations” (Cardullo, 40). Realism employs real people in real circumstances, it “reveal[s] physical reality” (Kracauer, 28). The opposite of realism would be, what Kracauer called, the “formative.” Formative films can be abstract, use models as opposed to real people, and depict “contrived plots for everyday incidents” (Kracauer, 32). However, Kracauer claims staged scenes can still be realistic, and may feel more real than if the incident was actually recorded, as long as it gives the “impression of actuality” (Kracauer, 34). To illustrate the difference, the models used to depict space vehicles in outer space and the science fiction plot in 2001: A Space Odyssey are formative techniques, while the contemporary realist work, American Honey, employed mostly ‘real’ people, told a ‘real’ story with political implications, and was filmed in ‘real’ places. A film or photograph which is realist “record[s] the world about us for no other purpose than to present it”  (Kracauer, 31).

[Why photography and film tend toward realism]

The nature of the medium: its tools, the capabilities of the tools, what it is the tools do and create, and how their results effect viewers, are evidence of photography and films tendency toward realism. To have a ‘tendency toward realism’ means that the media generally behaves in ways which produce pieces of realism. It is an almost inevitable proclivity because of the nature of the medium, despite artist intervention, illusion, and distortion which may occur. Therefore to claim that a medium has a ‘tendency toward realism’ is a generalization, not a rule. But — this is not merely a penchant — it's a quality of the media. 

  Foremost, photography and film tend toward realism because the subject/object of the image must exist. “Only what exists can be seen” by the camera (Walton, 254). That the “subject…must exist” is a unique feature of photography and film also observed by Roger Scruton. Unlike painting, which is “mainly an expression of thought,” and doesn’t always seek to recreate the object or subject of the painting as it actually looks, or may contain objects which do not actually exist; photography, to a certain degree, is bound by the nature of the medium which requires real subjects (Scruton, 24). In other words, without digital intervention, “what we see through a photograph is always before a camera” (Lopes, 41). That the subject exists and appears roughly in real life as it did before the camera is a feature of camera-art’s realistic tendency.

Unlike paintings, which are subjected to the sense-perception of the artist, photographs capture what was actually before them. One observes in a photograph or film how the object or subject actually manifested in physical reality; you are “given a very good idea of how something looked” (Scruton, 25). Photographs and films show physical reality more or less as it really appeared. This feature of camera-arts, in that it inevitably records reality, pushes the media toward realism. Even if the photographer or filmmaker uses an object or subject which is an illusion, the camera still records what is in front of it. For example — while this illusion isn’t the most convincing — the apes at the start of 2001: A Space Odyssey are people dressed as apes, they are not real apes. The camera can be exploited with illusion to make it appear something is real that is really not, but “if cameras can lie, so can our eyes” (Walton, 258). If you saw a person dressed as an ape standing before you, your eyes would perceive an ape. However, the ability to produce illusions considered, cameras are still confined to capturing real materials, real people, and real places which physically exist. Thus the camera is perpetually confined to seeing and recording physical reality.

To examine this notion in other terms, cameras are agents of truth, and “we could not explain realism…unless we invoked the concept of truth” (Scruton, 23). Things which are ‘true’ and thus realistic resemble the object/subject as it actually manifests. For instance, a “portrait of the Duke of Wellington is realistic because the figure we see in the paining resembles the Duke of Wellington” (Scruton, 23). Because painting is subject to the perception of the painter, there is generally less ‘truth' in the medium, and thus less realism. However, because a camera “penetrates deeply into [realities] web,”  pictures produced by cameras are truer and thus better pieces of realism than paintings (Benjamin, 13). 

Furthermore, the concept of transparency is evidence that film and photography tend toward realism.  Transparency, according to Walton, is not the same thing as “reproductions” of the subject nor “substitutes,” but rather a way of seeing. The photograph is a visual aid, akin to a telescope or microscope, which facilitates the seeing: the viewer sees through the photograph to the object (Walton). Despite that seeing the photographed object is not direct sense-perception, like seeing the object in front of you, we are still “really seeing” both the photograph and the photographed object. The photograph is a tool for seeing the object; we see through the photograph, like peering through the looking glass, and thus “we see the world through them” (Walton, 251). The ability to see through the photograph to the object, and that the object typically appears as it did in physical reality, is a two-fold tendency toward realism. The viewer looks through the photo to a moment of physical reality, like a telescope looking backward in time. 

However, these features of photography and film merely push the media toward realism and leave room for illusions and abstractions, rather than firmly grounding the media within the realm of realism. The central property of the media which roots it in realism is not the subject, nor how it is seen, but the camera itself. “The remarkable realism of photographs is considered to derive not from what they look like but from how they come about,” the camera’s role in producing the image is crucial to its realistic nature (Walton, 261).  

Photographs and film excel in realism because they are “uniquely equipped to record and reveal physical reality,” which is to say, because they utilize a camera (Kracauer, 28). Roger Scruton describes the camera’s mechanical capturing of its subject as a “causal” relationship, a photograph reproduces the image of the subject, much like a mirror. While Scruton dismissed to an unfair degree the role of the photographer’s intent in producing the image, the causal relationship between the image and the subject is possible because of the camera. Like your eyes, the camera lens sees what is before it, and photons (isolated by the closing of a shutter) pass through the lens to chemically react with the film and create the image (Mashable). Single Lens Reflex (SLR) cameras, both digital and film, utilize a mirror and a prism which reflect light toward to viewfinder so that the photographer can see the image. Thus, Scruton claiming an image “is like a mirror,” when considering the mechanics, is quite literally true (25). Straight shooting produces a direct relationship between a moment in physical reality and the image produced; this is the result of camera’s recording function, even if it’s “technically imperfect” (Kracauer, 30). The camera’s internal process has little between its ‘eye’ and the image which may distort its likeness to reality, all the more pushing the result toward being a token of realism.

Considering these various properties of film and photography, their inclination for realism is apparent. For example, because the subject must exist, using a subject which is actually what it purports to be logically follows. Consider the film Tangerine by Sean Baker. The film follows two transgender sex workers on Christmas Eve, both of whom are played by women who are actually transgender and former sex workers (Filmmaker). The demand for an actual subject that exists is best satisfied with the actual subject desired. This inevitably produces a film or photo which is more ‘true.’ The viewer is given honest information about how that subject actually looks, and in the case of film, thinks and behaves; and, the camera can’t help but capture it. 

Walton’s transparency, that images are for seeing through to the object captured, also actualizes in realism. Using real people, places, and things, not “fictionaliz[ing] much,” best utilizes the phenomenon of transparency (Filmmaker). While its important “to underscore the independence of accuracy and transparency,” because as discussed above an image is still transparent even if the subject is an illusion; an image is more transparent, gives more information about the world, when it is accurate (Walton, 258). Rather than using formative techniques, which are still seen, using realistic techniques allows viewers to truly see the object intended to be captured. A photo of an actual rocket is more transparent and is realism, while a photo of the model is less transparent and formative. 

[Greater implications of realism]

Walter Benjamin’s axioms of images in The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction, in an eerie premonition, are totally realized in social media. Cameras, in modernity, are ubiquitous. The vast majority of people walk around with a high-quality camera in their back pocket, and just about “any man can lay claim to being filmed” (Benjamin, 12). The democratic nature of film and photography in conjunction with its tendency toward realism has yielded “the adjustment of reality to the masses” on social media (Benjamin, 6). More succinctly, social media is reality which is tailored to mass consumption. 

Benjamin claimed photography and film were revolutionary because they developed a new purpose for art. Photos are produced to be seen: exhibited. Older art forms and other visual arts were (and are) esoteric, inaccessible and contingent on ritual. This contention is attributed to the ability to create many prints from a single negative, yet each painting is singular and distinct. In addition, he claimed that mass participation altered the “mode of participation” (Benjamin, 17). Participation with photos is superficial, and partially distracted. No longer does the art consume the viewer, the viewer consumes the art. Photos are accessible, plentiful almost to excess, and also deeply connected to reality. 

This has interesting effects with regard to social media. Most platforms are an endless stream of photo and video media, the vast majority of which appears and/or purports to be an actual record of physical reality. Viewers are unable to easily break the illusion of reality by looking around, because the screen occupies the entire visual field. Each users page is akin to a personal exhibition, all their photos displayed for quick, partially disinterested consumption. To increase participation from the masses, to ensure their photos are seen, algorithms and potential for monetary gain encourage users to pander to their audiences. This ultimately means recreating popular styles of images by appealing to superficialities, like sex, wealth, and consumption of goods, and heavily curating and editing the raw image. These images are not reality, but are pieces of realism; they give “impression of actuality” (Kracauer, 34). Viewers, however, consider these images not just to have a “rough resemblance” to reality as with film — they are fooled into the belief that they actually are real (Kupfer). Like film, social media is actually a “great artifice of a reality,” it is not physical reality (Benjamin, 14). Social media is the epitome of a reality adjusted for the masses. 

Film and photography have an undeniable proclivity toward realism and even exemplify the genre. The demands of the media, its various requirements, the way it begs to be seen, and the camera mechanics, almost naturally endows it with realism. The camera reveals the “things normally unseen,” which are too great to observe in the moment or are overlooked (Kracauer, 46). While we succumb to our inability to notice all, “the motion picture camera seems to be partial to the least permanent components of our environment” (Kracauer, 52). The camera captures every thing in front of it. Whatever exists, its moments and movements, even the twitching of a singular leaf, is recorded. However, film doesn’t have to be completely realistic, and films can be quite gripping without a hint of realism. The purely formative works of Stan Brakhage champion the experimental genre and defy the realistic notion. The creative anomaly of Brakhage is the exception which proves the rule — camera arts are naturally endowed to produce works of realism. 

Works Cited

Arnheim, Rudolf. Film as Art. University of California Press, 1932. 

Benjamin, Walter. The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction. Schocken/Random House, 1935. 

Cardullo, RJ. “Italian Neorealism, Vittorio De Sica, and Bicycle Thieves. 

Kracauer, Siegfried. Theory of Film: The Redemption of Physical Reality. Oxford University Press, 1960. 

Kupfer, Joseph H. “Film Criticism and Virtue Theory.” Philosophy of Film and Motion Pictures, edited by Noël Carroll and Jinhee Choi, Blackwell Publishing, 2006, pg. 335-359. 

Lopes, Dominic McIver. “The Aesthetics of Photographic Transparency.” Philosophy of Film and Motion Pictures, edited by Noël Carroll and Jinhee Choi, Blackwell Publishing, 2006, pg. 1-43.

Scruton, Roger. “Photography and Representation.” Philosophy of Film and Motion Pictures, edited by Noël Carroll and Jinhee Choi, Blackwell Publishing, 2006, pg. 1-43. 

“This is How Your SLR Camera Actually Works.” Mashable, 15 Nov. 2012, https:// mashable.com/2012/11/15/dslr-photography/. 

Walton, Kendall. “Transparent Pictures: On the Nature of Photographic Realism.” The University of Chicago Press, 1984. 

“‘We Didn’t Fictionalize Much:’ Sean Baker on Tangerine.” Filmmaker, 8 Jul. 2015, https:// filmmakermagazine.com/94799-we-didnt-fictionalize-much-sean-baker-on-tangerine/ #.XNDhGS2ZPGI. 

[leoneers]

Holiday blues.

Dear Jupiter,

Today, I am not okay.

Sometimes you just have to admit that; despite having a sweet dose of milk tea just now.

Di tulad ng dati, para akong mababaliw kaiisip napapano ako. Siguro nakakasanayan mo na lang talaga. Come and go lang. Oo syempre, mahirap magfocus sa work pag ganito, there'd be occasional going-to-and-fro-the-comfort-room-just-staring-at-yourself-in-the-mirror (wow lakas maka aning diba), siguro mild anxiety attacks? If there is really such.

You learn to cope. Less-to-almost-no crying but there's still that empty feeling. Kung dati parang heavy feeling, ngayon parang empty naman. Na para bang this time i am waiting to be filled? I don't know yet what exactly is still lacking. Self-love, maybe? Di ko pa alam.

Today I tried to "dress-up" and it's been a while since I've put on extra make-up (extra means liban sa tinted sunscreen, kilay and some lip tint). I thought maybe I just needed some touch up. Turned out, I didn't feel anything sa ginawa ko. Parang blanko lang. It did not make me feel any good about myself unlike before. So here I am again, writing to you. Nakakapagwork naman ako kahit papano today but I don't feel fully productive. Guess I need a little coping in here kaya, here I am. What can I do?

Some newly registered anxieties in my brain rn:

1. Why didn't I say 'no'. Ugh. Ayoko talaga mag-jury actually kaso nahiya akong tumanggi. Just thinking of the people na madadatnan ko don is already making me feel so anxious. Queue in: Social anxiety attack.

2. Nasabe kona sa dalawang kasama ko dito na hindi ako sasama ng Coron. Na it's a 95-5 chance as of now. What they know is yung issue regarding sa sabe ko kase hindi ako financially ready kase paglalaanan ko pera ko sa family tour namen. But pano kung malaman na nang "bigger group" tapos magpumilit sila, or mag-bida sila nang "wag mona isipin yon si *magic person* na ang bahala" so anuna, anong Plan B ko? Anong lusot ko? "Uhm actually kase, baka matrigger yung anxiety ko don?" Omygad diko maimagine yung tindi nang pageexplain na gagawin ko pag sinabe ko yon. Yikes.

1.a. Anong susuot ko sa defense? (Ay wow leona shet ka ano to rarampa ka?)

1.b. Anong tatanong ko sa mga magdedefend? (Ay iba din, wala pa man, sobrang advance mag-isip.)

1.c. Bakit hindi ako nireplayan ni boss sa pagpapaalam ko sa defense? (Kasalanan ba ng Globe or kasalanan ko?)

3. Did, i, just, impulsively, buy, SOME, merch, online, using, my, Paypal acct, na, naghihingalo na??? (Hoy wala ka mang pera don?? Diba sabe mo nga??)

So yun nga liban sa mga issues ko sa sarili at pagkatao ko. Yan yung mga currently bumabagabag saken at this very moment, 4:20 ng hapon. (Ow whut ang bilis ng oras??)

Teka balik trabaho muna ko.

Salamat ha,

Iba talaga pag may medium ka in expressing some shitty thinking.

~