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lesbian-for-arthur-morgan · 10 months

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Watching Horror Movies Together

Super Short Headcanons || Modern Au

Genre: Fluff Featuring: Arthur, John, Dutch, Javier, Charles, Sean, and Sadie Warnings: None - super casual writing

AN: I know no one requested this but I was on a horror binge last night and couldn't stop thinking about how these guys would act during a scary movie marathon so I wrote a quick thing in my notes app to post teehee~ ---> Requests are open! Check out guidelines if you have questions

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Arthur Morgan:

Is not scared at all - literally impossible to scare.

Thinks horror movies are predictable and kind of boring.

However, God forbid a dog dies in the movie because he will get up and turn it off and say that the writers went too far.

Grumbles and groans on movie nights where you choose a horror movie, but will always wrap an arm around you and insist of sharing a blanket because he just likes spending time with you and being able to hold you close.

Will tease you for your bad taste in movies but secretly loves watching them with you and finds himself getting sucked into them every now and then.

John Marston:

Is on the edge of his seat the whole time.

Claims he's watching them because he thinks they're funny, but actually really enjoys trying to figure out who the killer is and who's going to die when and where.

Jumps at every jump scare but acts like he didn't.

He needs to watch a Disney movie afterwards so he doesn't have nightmares. Will say it's for your sake and not his, though.

Man acts all big and bad, but once the music starts to get intense and there's a long hallway on the screen he is looking everywhere but at the TV so he isn't jumpscared again.

Dutch Van Der Linde:

Probably taking notes during psychological horror movies on how to be manipulative.

Says the killer is misunderstood or that their tragic backstory makes the killing justified.

He will eat all the popcorn and then get upset when it's all gone. Cue the puppy eyes while he's begging you to go make more.

Spends a good forty-five minutes talking about how you and him would survive the movie because y'all are so much smarter than the main characters and would make it out of there.

Genuinely believes he's invincible and could survive any scenario.

Javier Escuella:

HATES horror movies because they genuinely scare him.

Well, he can handle slashers but he hates paranormal movies since he believes in ghosts 100% no questions asked.

Loves making a snack buffet for the movie - popcorn, candy, cookies, sodas, fries, and the works.

Encourages you to cuddle into him and hold him whenever you get too scared since he's so big and brave.

Will end up being the one hiding his face in your shoulder and holding you like a teddy bear because he got freaked out.

Charles Smith:

Loves to analyze horror movies in -like- an artistic way.

His favorite types are historical horrors because so much thought goes into them.

He will watch silly horror with you, though, like Scream and Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, but will spend the whole movie making fun of you. Lightheartedly, of course, he's saying that those aren't real scary movies and that you're kind of a wuss.

The entire movie his arm is wrapped around you and pressing you deep into his side so that you can cuddle and be warm. It's a little too comfortable though and you end up falling asleep there more often than not.

Loves it when you do that, it makes him feel all soft and warm on the inside.

Sean MacGuire:

Makes jokes the entire time.

Literally has something to say every 2 minutes that has the both of you laughing instead of being scared.

Honestly, it's the only way he can get through the whole movie.

If you start getting sucked into the movie and he's too nervous to fully focus on the screen, he will start throwing popcorn at you to get your attention.

Halfway through the movie he will make you pause it so that he can have a mental break from all the scary stuff and gore. Totally turns into a make-out session and the movie is long forgotten.

Sadie Adler:

Absolutely nothing fazes her, she LOVES scary movies.

She knows all the behind-the-scenes info about every movie you watch too because she deep dives into interviews and essays after watching them the first time.

Her eyes are glued to the screen but will have you lay your head in her lap so she can run her fingers through your hair to soothe you when you get scared.

Makes fun of you when you react at a jump scare. When you look up at her with a frown, she'll press kisses all over your face until you can't help but smile.

She loves that she can make you feel comforted and safe when you're scared, secretly loves it even more when you try to go to bed after the movie and you're clinging to her like a koala because you're still a little spooked by the film.

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I know summer isn't even close to over yet, but I am so excited for Halloween this year, so here's a little Halloween in July (think like that Gravity Falls episode)

Hope you enjoyed <3

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historia-vitae-magistras · 6 months

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☕🤒🌴🩹 for the maple boy?

☕️ HOT BEVERAGE — does your oc prefer coffee, tea, hot chocolate, milk, water, or some other drink? how do they like to take this drink (ex. coffee with milk, hot chocolate with whipped cream, a specific kind of tea, etc)?

He's got 20% of the world's fresh water and is still chronically dehydrated. But his coffee and tea consumption is a lot like his sexuality: 'a port in any storm.' If it's warm and someone's offering, he'll take it. Probably was mostly in the habit of taking whatever someone was making without fuss. If his heart rate is already 150 billion and Alfred gets him a triple espresso, it'll go down the hatch. He veers slightly towards tea because there's more variety, and a shit cup of tea is still going to be a lot less awful than a bad cup of coffee on the frontier. Part of his divorce settlement was a shit ton of top-grade matcha that Kiku left in one of Jan and Matt's former Dutch Antilles seaside fuck shacks, and he got pretty fond of that. Spoils of whore, as it was.

🤒 FACE WITH THERMOMETER — does your oc get sick easily?

Not by a human standard, nah. By Alfred's standards, Matt is a wuss. His problem is that he avoids issues and won't admit anything's wrong with him until he's keeled the fuck over, and if anyone suggests he should do something different, he probably will avoid them, too, until he feels better. Zee suggests he stop smoking after he gets his lungs ceviched for a fourth time, and he just ducks her for a few months. Science proves gulping freezing air is terrible for the lungs? Doesn't count. He's Canada, goddamn it. Jack will call him a blue-footed tit, and he has to check, but he's fine lol.

🌴 PALM TREE — does your oc have a green thumb? Do they enjoy gardening?

Yes! Gardening doesn't like him out of certain habitable (to the colonial project, at least) river valleys, but he has a knack for keeping things alive. He's one of those softies who will pick up cuttings from the floor of a plant nursery and slowly coax them into whole-ass plants. There's an account of children in New France bringing their kitchen herbs to sleep with them in bed before central heating. The absolute most dire symbol that Matt's about to lose his mind hardcore is when he transfers custody of his plants to a willing human. Have you seen the ficus? No? Oh god, is he in the bottom of Hudson Bay again?

🩹 ADHESIVE BANDAGE — does your oc have any physical and/or mental disabilities?

Unfortunately, the collected effects of 300 years of vitamin D deficiency are poorly understood so ehhhh. Lungs are a bit fucky. He transferred too fast from Italy to France in 43 to 44 without letting his back heal from the chunk of shrapnel Alfred tugged out of him, and that's been a bit fucky since. Ankles are the normal hockey levels of a bit fucky. Brains a lot fucky, but in a way, thats really only intrusive on him when he's by himself because, god, he's made a fine art out of avoiding being a nuisance. He's one of those people where you're not sure if there's actually a problem that wouldn't be solved if he could just get his shit together (most of the family + friends view) or wow he's actually just fucked (social model of mental illness view.)

Character Detail Ask Game

#the ask box || probis pateo #matthew || my country is winter

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arsonaetcuh · 4 years

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I made this meme. First post on Reddit u/StarflightNightWing.

#dutchmeme #meme #prequelmeme #starwarsmeme #clone wars meme #anakin skywalker #clone wars #actually the dutch are wusses #we complain about everything #including the weather

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whoiwanttoday · 3 years

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I was thinking yesterday, what the hell is it about dutch athletes. Now look, I am sure they don't all look like supermodels, the question is why do so many who are good looking look like supermodels. This is not universal across the sports world. I can name some truly beautiful athletes but they don't look like models. They are attractive in a different way that would never work in mainstream modeling. There are so many Dutch athletes though that if you showed me a picture in a gown and told me they were a model at fashion week I'd just believe you. On top of that, they often look a lot like actual Dutch supermodels. Like, I can see Doutzen Kroes or Robin Holzken in the faces of some athletes. Is this just how Dutch people look? I haven't been to the Netherlands so I genuinely don't know. If you know let me know. If everyone looks like this there then why the fuck didn't anyone tell me? I'm willing to learn to Dutch. I have 10 whole fingers with which to plug a dike (autocorrect really wanted to change the spelling on this word and let me tell you, it radically changes the meaning of this), which is a thing I am lead to believe has to be done often in Holland. Anyway, all this got me to thinking about various Dutch athletes and my brain has settled on Puck Moonen cause she is beautiful but also because she rides a bike. I find cyclists fascinating because on one hand I road a bike as a kid, I get the core of what they do. Often as a kid I would ride 2-3 miles to go to the store in the summer. We'd do a loop and hit the comic store for comics, the grocery store for candy, and the video store for movies. Also we'd often hit the pool in there. I am not much for nostalgia as I feel it is both toxic at it's core, full of lies, and well, childhood wasn't that good, but typing this I get the appeal of no job and subsisting off of someone else's labor so you can throw all your money at candy and comics. Anyway, my point is I just mapped it and this was 4.1 miles round trip that we spaced out with long breaks in between and a couple of times at least one person wussed out on the last leg and went home cause they were too tired. Apparently professional cyclists bike hundreds of miles a day. Which is insane. We have cars. And frankly a good 250 mile drive and I am pretty worn out. Need to stretch my legs and relax. Hell, I am getting on a plane in a few minutes (and it's like 2500 miles. Total brag, I know) and I am worried that's going to wear me out. Sitting in a seat while people offer me peanuts could wear me out. Yet Puck Moonen uses her legs to make a bike go hundreds of miles. In a day! It's insane to think about, I hope they give her a lot of comics and candy when she gets to the finish line. Today I want to fuck Puck Moonen.

#Puck Moonen #brunette #Athlete #whoiwanttofucktoday

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emospritelet · 3 years

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Heatstroke - chapter 17

I tweaked the prompt a little :)

[AO3]

Before leaving the city for small-town Maine, Lacey had told herself she wasn’t going to spend every night drinking until the early hours, as she had in New York. Since moving to Storybrooke she had mostly kept that promise to herself. During the week, anyway. Weekends were a different matter. Ruby usually had Friday nights off from the diner, but that inevitably meant that she worked on Saturdays, and while Lacey wasn’t bothered by going to the Rabbit Hole by herself, it was much more fun to have Ruby’s company while she slowly went out of her mind. Saturday evening found her at the bar in Granny’s Diner, drinking her way through a few tall glasses of ice-cold oblivion and telling Ruby about her latest unsuccessful encounter with Gold.

“So he wasn’t even dressed?” Ruby set a vodka and orange in front of her, leaning on the bar and resting her chin on her hands. “At that time in the morning? Not like Gold.”

“That’s what I thought,” said Lacey, stirring her drink with a straw. “It was weird, Rubes. I was all bracing for insults and sarcasm, and it was like he couldn’t even look at me.”

“You can’t tell me you wanted insults and sarcasm.”

“No,” she admitted. “But I think I’d choose that over being ignored.”

“Oh God…” Ruby shook her head. “Would you just ask him out already? Ask him to Zelena’s stupid dance.”

“I told you, he’s not going,” said Lacey impatiently. “And even if he was, it’s obvious he’s not interested. I mean it was obvious before, but now…”

“Maybe you just disturbed him doing something?”

“Like what?” Lacey stirred her drink moodily, and looked up. “Oh God, you don’t think he had someone there, do you?”

“Like a - a woman?”

“Maybe, I don’t know.” She took a drink, enjoying the tart taste of the orange juice and the smooth heat of the vodka in her throat. “I bet he did. I bet he had someone stay the night and I woke him up from a round of hot morning sex, good God!”

“Lacey.” Ruby leaned on the bar with a patient expression on her face. “Apart from you, the only person lusting after Gold in this town is Zelena. And he would never.”

“Okay,” Lacey nodded, feeling a little better. “That’s a fair point. But it could have been someone from out of town.”

“Maybe he’s sick,” suggested Ruby. “You could have pulled him out of his death bed.”

“Hey, that’s a point.” She perked up a little. “Yeah, maybe that’s why he was off with me. Great!”

“There you go.”

Lacey groaned, slumping on the bar with her chin pushed into her folded arms.

“God, I shouldn’t wish ill health on the man, should I?” she said dolefully. “What’s wrong with me, Rubes? I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

“Yeah, it feels that way to me, too,” remarked Ruby.

“Why am I like this?” demanded Lacey, pushing upright again. “Past Lacey was never like this. Past Lacey would find a hot guy, have a good time, and move the hell on! Past Lacey would have been like ‘pfft, so he’s not interested, his loss’. That’s always how it was before.”

“So maybe it’s something more meaningful this time,” suggested Ruby. “Maybe present Lacey wants an actual relationship, not just hot crazy sex.”

“Oh no, present Lacey totally wants the hot crazy sex,” said Lacey, snickering as she reached for her drink. “I just need him to want me back, that’s all.”

“I told you, the ‘you seeing him naked’ thing put him off,” said Ruby. “Guys like Gold need to feel like they’re in charge.”

“Hmmm.” Lacey grinned widely. “He can do that if he wants.”

Her grin widened at the thought of Gold taking charge in a number of very delicious ways, and Ruby rolled her eyes.

“You got it bad, girl,” she observed.

“I can’t help it!” said Lacey, slapping the bar with her palms. “First time we met I saw his junk, and believe me, it was absolutely no hardship as far as I’m concerned. And since then I’ve been checking him out every chance I get.” She took a slurp of her drink to wet her throat. “I thought he looked pretty good full frontal, but did you see his ass in those pants? Biteable.”

Ruby’s eyes had gone very wide.

“Lacey, shh!” she hissed.

“What? It’s true!” Lacey waved a hand. “I always thought you’d need a big hammer to bang in a nail that size, but nope! Almost as cute and pert as mine.”

“Yeah, that’s a great point you just made about - uh - carpentry,” said Ruby loudly, and Lacey felt her brow crinkle.

“Carpentry? What the hell are you - it was a metaphor, Rubes!” she insisted. “I’m talking about how Gold should man up and nail me!”

“Hey Mr Gold!” said Ruby brightly, a somewhat desperate smile on her face. “What can I get you?”

Lacey felt as though a bucket of iced water had been thrown in her face, the shock of it making her catch her breath with a gasp. A ball of lead the size of a small watermelon appeared to have dropped into her stomach and was trying to drag her down through the floorboards and into the diner cellar. She was tempted to let it. He’s right fucking behind me, isn’t he?

“Miss Lucas,” Gold’s lazy drawl made her close her eyes in horror. “Just the rent, if you please. I leave minor - uh - carpentry jobs to those with more inclination for the task.”

Lacey wanted to die. She slipped from the stool, snatching up her bag and coat. Perhaps if she didn’t open her eyes, he wouldn’t be able to see her.

“Later, Rubes,” she muttered, and almost ran from the diner.

Gold watched her go, slim legs moving remarkably quickly considering the height of her heels. Turning back to the bar, he favoured Miss Lucas with a tiny smile, but she was glaring at him, dark eyes flashing.

“Are you stupid?” she demanded, and he frowned.

“I beg your pardon?” he asked, in a freezing voice, and she threw up her hands.

“That poor girl just said out loud how much she wants to bang you, and your response is to be all snide and cutting? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“What are you talking about?” he snapped. “I know full well Miss French has no interest in me other than as an object of ridicule!”

Miss Lucas put her hands on her hips, glaring at him.

“Don’t you have eyes?” she demanded. “You telling me you haven’t seen her staring at you?”

“Oh, I vividly remember our first encounter,” he said dryly. “I also remember hearing her discuss it with you afterwards. You’ll forgive me if I’m not turned on by mockery.”

Miss Lucas sniffed.

“Look, if you’re getting your cock out in public you have to expect a little teasing.”

“I did not get my cock out in public!” he snapped. “It was on my own property, and frankly it’s no more your business than it was hers!”

“Yeah, well she wasn’t mocking you, she was just - surprised.”

“Oh please!” he said, in a disparaging tone. “I’ve no interest in whatever game you two are playing.”

“She just said you should man up and nail her! You heard her!”

“Really?” he said dismissively, tugging at cuffs that didn’t need it. “Hilarious, if one understands the context, I’m sure.”

“Oh my God…” She shook her head. “Blind, deaf and stupid. I should have just talked to Neal.”

“What does my son have to do with this?” he demanded, and she shrugged.

“Just saying. Something tells me he’s not as dense as you.”

Gold glared at her.

“Are you gonna give me the rent, or do I have to consider raising it?”

“Fine, resort to empty threats all you like,” she sniffed, turning away.

She unlocked the drawer beneath the counter, taking out the envelope of rent money, and slapping it on the counter. She was still glaring at him, and Gold took the money with an unpleasant smile, opening it up and beginning to count out the notes.

“She likes you,” said Miss Lucas, making him pause. “Lacey likes you. Weird as it seems to me, and as much as I don’t want to hear about her many fantasies involving you, she likes you. She likes you a lot. As in she wants to have sex with you. Also a lot.”

Gold had lost count the moment she mentioned Lacey’s name, but there was no way he was about to admit it. He gathered up the pile of bills, stuffing it back into the envelope and retrieving his notebook from his pocket.

“It’s all there,” he said stiffly, flipping through the pages.

“Just ask her out,” went on Miss Lucas. “Or go to that dance of Zelena’s if you’re gonna be a wuss about it. Then you don’t even need to ask her out. You could just - you would be there, and she would be there, and the two of you could - you know.”

Gold could barely see what he was writing, but he pretended that he knew what he was doing. He wrote the date out with such a flourish that it tore the paper, and slipped the notebook back into his pocket. The envelope of money followed it, his hands shaking a little.

“Thank you, Miss Lucas,” he said, his tone hollow. “Do give my regards to your grandmother.”

Turning on his heel, he fixed his gaze on the door and limped towards it as though it was the path to his salvation.

“Why are you both such idiots!” called Miss Lucas, and he flinched as he grasped the door handle.

Getting out into the cool summer evening, he let the door close behind him, and exhaled slowly, head rolling back as he let the soft breeze caress his skin. Surely Miss Lucas wasn’t being serious? Admittedly Lacey had said something extremely suggestive about him, but what if it was part of their banter, the joke that never got old. Gold and his naked body, forever an object of ridicule.

What if it wasn’t? A voice in his head whispered to him, a faint spark of hope igniting deep within him. What if she actually likes you? You could go to that tedious charity ball. By the sound of it, she’ll be there, no doubt reporting for the Mirror. You could ask her to dance. That wouldn’t arouse anyone’s suspicions. Maybe not even hers. And if she does like you...

The idea of Lacey actually returning his feelings was too heady to contemplate, and Gold shook his head, striding off down the street. No. He would think about this intriguing possibility when he was in the safety of his own home and with a large glass of something strong. He definitely needed a little Dutch courage to plan his next move.

#fic: heatstroke #golden lace fic #golden lace #my fic #rumbelle fic #rumbelle #timelordthirteen

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andersunmenschlich · 4 years

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Episode 2: Do Not Open

Oh, we're just charging right into the statement this time. Cool. I suppose we did get the setup, uh, set up in the first episode, so nothing more's needed. Onward to a whole ton of horror stories!

I wonder how they'll connect or overlap? ...I might be assuming too much, but being as they're all set in the same universe....

All right, so this one's about a man named Joshua Gillespie.

It's from 1998? Huh. Going back in time a bit, aren't we? I was only nine in 1998, and I was twenty-two when the last statement was given, so.... These archives really are out of order, aren't they. I wonder how he's picking them?

Okay, so Joshua's in his early twenties and he's taking a weeks-long vacation with some friends. In... Holland? I didn't know that was a vacation destination.

But then what do I know about vacation destinations? I can't go above ground while the sun's up, so I never really go anywhere, do I—and frankly I don't really want to. I like being underground, in the dark, surrounded by books, and I don't like being rushed around here and there and everywhere anyway, which seems to be par for the course for away-from-home-vacations so far as I can tell.

This Joshua certainly seems to have done a lot of rushing around here and there. "There were very few points where I'd say that I was entirely sober and even fewer where I acted like it"? Sounds exhausting.

Anyway, he wakes up earlier than his friends one day and leaves them to sleep off their hangovers while he goes to look at buildings.

Apparently Joshua Gillespie is an aspiring architect.

He's wandering around Amsterdam, and he can't speak Dutch, and he gets so lost that he only makes it back to familiar ground after it's started to get dark, at which point he decides to pop into a cafe for some reason. Oh, and apparently he's on drugs.

I predict that Mr. Sims will discount everything Joshua says just on the basis of that.

Well, I would.

Oho, and a strange man turns up at Joshua's cafe table!

From the description, he sounds Unremarkable. With a capital U, because he's just so Ordinary that there's nothing about him to notice, really. And apparently Joshua didn't notice him walking in or sitting down or anything like that, so he's clearly very Unnoticeable.

Mr. Unremarkable calls himself "John." That's interesting. What do you want to bet his last name's "Smith"?

Ooh, and he wants Joshua to look after a package for him. And he pays him a ton of money! Up front! That doesn't seem particularly wise, Mr. Probably-Smith!

...And then he just walks off?

I'm lost. Where's the package, then?

Looks like he just vanishes. Joshua's got all this money for looking after a package, but he hasn't actually got any package to look after. That's very odd. Can't say it's the way I'd do it, if I wanted someone to look after a package for me. I'd say Mr. Unremarkable has something else in mind, but the statement was introduced as being about "an apparently empty wooden casket," so....

O..kay. So Joshua just hangs onto the money for a whole year without spending any of it.

He must be a weirdly rich student.

But then again, what do I know about money? I make just enough for rent every month (most months, anyway), and get my food from people who, for some reason or other, seem to want me to not die. Which is nice of them, I suppose, but a bit baffling.

Anyway, Joshua Gillespie finally spends John Probably-Smith's money on a nice apartment, and a week later the package finally turns up.

The delivery men don't sound normal. "Weren't wearing any uniforms"? "Well over six feet tall"? At least they're very task-oriented: confirm you're delivering to the right address, make the delivery, leave. No wasted time chatting or answering questions or making friends or anything, which strikes me as exactly what one wants in mail delivery—competence and efficiency! In and out, no hanging about. I think I like these two just fine, whatever they are.

So it's a huge cardboard box, and when Joshua cuts it open there's a coffin inside. And the coffin is sealed with a chain and a padlock.

Okay, if you're not thinking "vampire" at this point I don't know what stories you've been reading, watching, or listening to, because clearly you've missed all the ones I grew up with. This is just so amazingly obviously vampiric that—well, I don't know. Is this that kind of show? I suppose it might be....

Ah, and carved into the wood of the coffin are the words "Do Not Open."

There's the title-drop, then.

Joshua doesn't know what's up, but fortunately there's a note from "J" who is almost definitely John Probably-Smith from Amsterdam, which jogs his memory.

He's weirdly affected by the coffin. He calls in sick to work, for Pete's sake. That seems like a really strange thing to do! Suppose someone paid me a great deal of money to look after a package, and then one day a package showed up—well, all right, then. All's well. Right?

Oh, and the coffin is warm. That's....

Gotta say, I'd probably spend a lot of time around it. I like warmth. My average body temperature is a couple degrees below what's normal for humans, so I like hanging out around warm things.

That probably wouldn't be healthy in this case, though, would it?

Joshua is obviously nothing like me. He's so freaked out by the oddly warm coffin in his new apartment that he's got to go make himself some tea to calm down, and then when he's sufficiently calm he goes and drags the coffin into his living room and pushes it up against a wall. Oh, and he pulls the key out of the padlock (yup, the padlock came with a key, very tidy) and just leaves it on a table by the front door, which strikes me as untidy.

The chains around the coffin aren't warm. That's interesting.

And it takes him a full week to get comfortable enough with the idea of a coffin in his living room for him to start using the living room again!

Joshua Gillespie is a wuss.

...Then he puts a glass of orange juice on top of it. Why would you do that? It's warm, clearly it's going to make your juice all warm and gross, don't use a spookily heated coffin as a cupholder for a cold drink, that's idiotic.

Also, it's wood. Use a coaster, you oaf.

Apparently the coffin also objects to his lack of consideration—or maybe it's just interested in the orange juice, who knows.

Anyway, it seems like something inside is scratching on the underside of the lid. He picks up his cup and the scratching stops. He puts it back down and it starts again (after four seconds). He picks his cup up again and the scratching goes on for another five minutes, which is... a lot longer than the immediate stopping it did last time, you know?

So he decides to leave it alone, which is probably the sanest choice to make under the circumstances. Frankly I think I'd probably do the same thing, although the temptation to run more experiments would be really strong. Opening it, though? Nooo, I don't think that idea would even occur to me. I mean, it's not my package to open, is it?

Oh hey, it's the kind of coffin that moans when it rains. That's interesting.

Also interesting is that Joshua Gillespie is apparently the kind of person who would usually have people over.

I mean that he's the type of person who'll actually let other people into the place where he lives. On purpose! He doesn't say so straight out, but it's heavily implied. Can you imagine? What sort of mentally unbalanced nutjob would do a thing like that?

All right: I admit I've done it a few times myself, but that was different. I only invited one person at a time, it was a one-time-only thing for each of them, and I was doing it in order to, you know, observe humanity close up under controlled circumstances—not to make friends or encourage visits or anything like that! It isn't as though I actually wanted them in my home the way Joshua apparently does, that was just the best way of getting the information I wanted.

Joshua Gillespie kind of freaks me out.

Returning to the story: it's raining so hard that it's turned dark outside (which is some of the best weather, I think), and Joshua's reading The Lost World.

I haven't read that book in a while. Despite all the books I own, I don't actually have a copy of that one (though I do own Jurassic Park), and the last time I read my dad's copy the last few pages were missing. Anyway, it's a good book and I approve Joshua Gillespie's taste in this case, weird social freak though he may be. Also his eyes are clearly terrible, because he has to get up and turn on a light in order to keep reading, which I've never had to do in that kind of weather.

The way he describes the moaning sounds really pleasant, actually. "Almost like singing, if it was muffled by twenty feet of hard-packed soil." Not only could I live with that, I think I'd be tempted to sit up against the cozy warm coffin and read with that and the rain for background.

Sounds nice.

This guy, of course, doesn't know how to appreciate what he's got. He doesn't just leave the room, no, he puts on music so he can't hear the coffin 'singing'!

Then he starts getting bad dreams. He doesn't remember them, but it sounds like he's dreaming about suffocating? When you wake up clutching at your throat and struggling to breathe... yeah, he's being choked or something. My first thought (because of the coffin) is "buried alive." I've never dreamed about that, but it doesn't strike me as fun.

Also he's sleepwalking, which is interesting.

So this coffin (or whatever's inside it) is getting inside his head? That seems really dangerous! What good are the chains doing? Can't we get some magical seals or something?

Looks like the coffin wants him to open it, because he keeps waking up with the key in his hand. I guess he can't just throw it out or anything—I mean, it's not his, so throwing it away would be... I dunno... wrong? And also it's untidy. The key clearly goes with the padlock, you can't just chuck the key, then they'd be unmatched and that's just not right.

What would I do in that situation? Hmm.

I suppose I might tape the key to my back. Getting it off would definitely wake me up, I think. And I'd probably also tape a plastic bag around the padlock.

Oh, he freezes it in a bowl of water! That's clever. I don't think I'd've thought of that.

A year and a half, he's got to hold on to this thing. That's a really long time. No wonder he got paid so much! I mean, I could do it no problem, but you've got to admit keeping something that big in your living space for that long is a bit of a bother. Especially when it keeps messing with your sleep.

And they come to pick it up on a rainy day... when it isn't moaning. That's odd. I wonder why it isn't moan-singing?

Oh, don't tell me they wanted someone who didn't know what it was to starve it.

That's it, isn't it? The vampire or whatever is dead now, so they've come for the body and they'll haul it away and... oh, and apparently they're surprised that Joshua is still alive. So maybe they were expecting him to feed it (unintentionally) and will be upset that it's dead?

It's all three of them: John Probably-Smith and the two efficient deliverymen. They don't seem too bothered, though....

Joshua breaks the bowl of ice, John gets the key, and Joshua doesn't follow them into the living room. Apparently he's not curious, which—well, frankly, I would be! Which might get me killed, since it looks like there was screaming and then John Probably-Smith didn't come back out of the living room.

So I guess whatever it was, it was hungry.

The deliverymen carry the coffin out, their van says "Breekon and Hope" on the side, and Joshua considers himself well out of the whole thing.

Sure enough, Mr. Sims pounced on the drug use. Haha, I thought he would! Also on the lack of witnesses, but honestly I think that's just normal, don't you? Who would normally have witnesses in their home? You don't, in general, have other people in your home! Though I suppose he could've talked to somebody online. There was internet when I was nine, you know. I used it.

Looks like Mr. Sims tells his assistants which written statements he's transferring to audio as a regular thing, because another one of them (Tim this time) did some research.

Breekon and Hope were a real courier service until 2009 (I was 20!) and then the business was liquidated—and apparently they didn't bother to keep records of their deliveries (or at least they didn't bother to keep them safe), which is very untidy and I disapprove.

So are those two deliverymen "Breekon" and "Hope," or are they just employed by "Breekon and Hope"?

Not that I s'pose it matters, really....

Wait, what? The apartment building Joshua lived in was totally vacant except for him? For the whole two years he lived there? That seems really improbable and I'm incredibly envious!

So in this story a man gets a vampire coffin, starves the vampire while it reaches into his mind and tries to draw him to it, then the bland fellow who gave it to him turns up to take it back and gets eaten by the vampire, whereupon the coffin-keepers just walk off with the thing and all is well.

...I guess?

I have so many questions.

This is really good! I'm really liking this podcast so far. It's definitely weird. Two episodes in and I've already noticed that the monsters aren't particularly good at luring people.

That's part of what makes me doubt that the 'vampire' is actually a vampire—vampires are good at luring people! Joshua would get alluring, sexy dreams tempting him to open the coffin, not nightmares, and the thing in the alley would not look like a corpse on a stick!

...At least, not at first. Not if these things were good at their jobs.

#The Magnus Archives #episode 2 #commentary #late to the party

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daisydezem · 5 years

Photo

Get to know me Tag

Wow this took longer then I thought it would! But thank you so much for tagging me @cruelhumanbean & @cloud-9-sims! I’m gonna tag @deathbyhysteria, @rethasim, @shellisims and @king-mikeyy! I loved updating my simself. It has been a while but I still think she is way to pretty. I just can’t make real people. Then there are 125 questions answered in the cut down below! So it’s a long list!

1. what is your name? Daisy (Officially Dasy. My dad forgot the i -_-’)

2. what is your nickname? Dezem, Dees, Dee, Esseborre... anymore...

3. birthday? April 24 1990

4. what is your favorite book series? Harry potter... Or does Manga count? Then Skip Beat!

5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts? Aliens Yes! Ghost not really.

6. who is your favorite author? UHM... I don’t like reading books. I’m dyslectic so the only reading I do is Manga and webcomics. For that I really like Yoshiki Nakamura. (from skip beat)

7. what is your favorite radio station? Veronica!

8. what is your favorite flavor of anything? Anything spicy!

9. what word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? In English - Awesome and in Dutch - Super... I know it’s also a english word but it’s used a bit different

10. what is your current favorite song The sound of Silence - Disturbed

11. what is your favorite word? Inevitable. It has a nice tongue feel... Idk... Oh and In Dutch - Schatig. It means cute but it sounds really harsh for people that don’t speak Dutch.

12. what was the last song you listened to? Freak on a leash - Korn

13. what tv show would you recommend for everybody to watch? Battle star Galactica!! Walking Dead Lucifer Supernatural Game of thrones New Girl Dexter Friends More?

14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny it always cheers me up!

15. do you play video games? Uhmm... YES!

16. what is your biggest fear? Being alone

17. what is your best quality, in your opinion? I know what I want and do whatever I can to get it.

18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion? Being afraid of change. Being a control freak. Being a perfectionist

9. do you like cats or dogs better? CATS! I’m kinda afraid of dogs... pictures are cute tho:P

20. what is your favorite season? Spring I guess. Not to warm and hopefully dry. Everything get green:)

21. are you in a relationship? Yes uhm... 7 years now. And a kid of 4 (almost).

22. what is something you miss from your childhood? Believing in the good and magical things.

23. who is your best friend? Nouk! (Not her real name her nickname tho)

24. what is your eye color? Brown

25. what is your hair color? Naturally Brown... But I change it a lot!

26. who is someone you love? Hubby, Son, Mom, Dad, Stepdad, Stepmom, Siblings, Grandpa’s, Grandma’s, Nouk, And a lot more!

27. who is someone you trust? Hubby, Mom, Stepdad, Nouk.

28. who is someone you think about often? Rn? Uhm My little brother and grandpa. They are not doing so well.

29. are you currently excited about/for something? Yes! My son is about to turn 4 so after the winter/Christmas vacation he will be going to elementary school!

30. what is your biggest obsession? Tbh... Sims... haha I just think about what when how all the time:P

31. what was your favorite tv show as a child? Telekids!! It was a dutch kids gameshow between two school and in between cartoons! On Saturday morning!

32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? Well my hubby!

33. are you superstitious? Not really. I do know a lot so I pretend to be sometimes when it is convenient.

34. do you have any unusual phobias? No!

35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? Oh actually I like both! I like seeing pictures of the past because it brings back memories. But I do like taking pictures as well. And to be fair. I’m not good at both hahaha

36. what is your favorite hobby? Gaming!

37. what was the last book you read? The Hobbit

38. what was the last movie you watched? The new Incredibles! Is was... SUPER!

39. what musical instruments do you play, if any? I play guitar, bass and drums. Bass best tho! I got a piano now so I’m trying to learn that if and when I have some time.

40. what is your favorite animal? Cats!

41. what are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow? Oh god... I always feel horrible doing this. Because it changes all the time and well I like many more as 5. But okay let just do it! @cosmic-espie @pink-chevalier @brisberries @wildlyminiaturesandwich @plumpug. Okay yeah... There are many more!

42. what superpower do you wish you had? Reading someones mind. Easier to know if someone lied.

43. when and where do you feel most at peace? At home.

44. what makes you smile? Weird stuff my son says or does.

45. what sports do you play, if any? I used to dance! Ballet, Jazz, Modern and Hip-hop... But can’t anymore.. Classical ballet is hell for your knees!

46. what is your favorite drink? A coke! (My addiction)

47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? I can’t remember!

48. are you afraid of heights? Used to be. Then I went bungee jumping with a height of 169 meters (555 ft) and now I’m not afraid anymore!! (this is the bungee jump video is not me picture is tho!)

49. what is your biggest pet peeve? When I’m at work and people start with a question instead of saying hello first or don’t look at me at all when checking their tickets!

50. have you ever been to a concert? Yeah! Greenday, Paramore, Billy talent, My chemical romance, Iron Maiden, Doe Maar and Infinite(in paris!)

51. are you vegan/vegetarian? That’s a def no...

52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? A teacher!

53. what fictional world would you like to live in? The Dragon ball Universe!

54. what is something you worry about? The health of my grandpa and little brother.

55. are you scared of the dark? No, I prefer the dark...

56. do you like to sing? Yes! I was never allowed to sing in the band tho.. I was allowed to scream tho!

57. have you ever skipped school? Yeah.... Sssssst don’t tell my mom. She still doesn’t know. ;)

58. what is your favorite place on the planet? Home <3

59. where would you like to live? Where I live now.

60. do you have any pets? Yes!

61. are you more of an early bird or a night owl? Night Owl!

62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better? Sunsets! If I ever see a sunrises someone will be dying... (the one that woke me up that early!)

63. do you know how to drive? Yeaaaasssss! I LOVE DRIVING! and yes also with a gearbox!!

64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones? In-ear earbuds!

65. have you ever had braces? No!

66. what is your favorite genre of music? Rock!

67. who is your hero? My mom!

68. do you read comic books? Web comics (rn the gamer and dice) and manga!

69. what makes you the most angry? People who did something wrong and then blame you.

70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? Electronic. Real books are to heavy to take a lot of with you.

71. what was your favorite subject in school? Math and science!

72. do you have any siblings? Yes! Sister at my Moms and a Brother and Sister at my Dads!

73. what was the last thing you bought? Food:p But uhm as of last fun thing was the cam for the facecam on streams!

74. how tall are you? 171 cm (5′7 is that right?)

75. can you cook? Somewhat... I like cooking but I usually work during dinner time so don’t do it to often.

76. what are three things that you love? My family (incl my own and my parents, siblings and grandparents) Playing games (incl sims, final fantasy, dragon quest and stardew) My roomba! (I hate vacuuming)

77. what are three things that you hate? Liars Cleaning Waking up early

78. do you have more female friends or more male friends? I think male...

79. what is your sexual orientation? I’m straight.

80. where do you currently live? The Netherlands (HOLLAND HOLLAND HOLLAND) ;)

81. who was the last person you texted? My hubby!

82. when was the last time you cried? Today.... hahaha I hurt my back still went to work. Got worse and at the end of my shift I could barely walk. I felt like a wuss and that made me cry.

83. who is your favorite youtuber? MATPAT (game theorists) Jen (xurbansimsx) Mage Masher and Jacksepticeye

84. do you like to take selfies? Sometimes...

85. what is your favorite app? Webtoons

86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like? Very good

87. what is your favorite foreign accent? German

88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? Seoul and Kyoto

89. what is your favorite number? 4

90. can you juggle? No

91. are you religious? No (Maybe the flying spaghetti monster tho)

92. do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting? OUTER SPACE! I love space! I’m a bit scared of the ocean tho

93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? No BUT if needed I will be.

94. are you allergic to anything? No

95. can you curl your tongue? Yes :P

96. can you wiggle your ears? Yes that too! (Just checked btw)

97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something? Not that often... If proven wrong I would tho.

98. do you prefer the forest or the beach? Forest

99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? It will always be darkest just before it will get lighter again. (no matter how awful things seem it will get better)

100. are you a good liar? A very good liar...

101. what is your hogwarts house? Gryffindor

102. do you talk to yourself? All the time!

103. are you an introvert or an extrovert? Both... I guess.. But more Extrovert.

104. do you keep a journal/diary? Nooooo I can’t! And if I do it’s for 2 weeks and then I forget!

105. do you believe in second chances? Yes but not in third.

106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? Give it to the police.. I can’t keep it because I would feel bad...

107. do you believe that people are capable of change? Change... Not really. However I do believe in the adaptability of people.

108. are you ticklish? Yes... unfortunately...

109. have you ever been on a plane? Yes to Spain, Hungary, Italy and Malta

110. do you have any piercings? Yes I had more. Did you know if you get pregnant your body can just resist them? I lost 5 piercings because of that but gained a lovely little boy so everything is good. <3

111. what fictional character do you wish was real? Oeee this is hard... there are so many. But uh let me just say Gohan. I just love him. Strong, kind and smart. (Also my first crush when I was young hahaha)

112. do you have any tattoos? Yes 3! And I want so many MORE!

113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? Changing jobs!

114. do you believe in karma? No... I don’t believe in anything I can’t see or can’t be proven my science.

115. do you wear glasses or contacts? Glasses

116. do you want children? I got a kid already hahaha but Yes I would like a second child at some point.

117. who is the smartest person you know? I think it would be my sister @galaxymiep! She can do stuff I could never do. <3

118. what is your most embarrassing memory? Oh Idk... I’m not embarrassed easily. But I think I would be when my workpants had a hole in it and I didn’t notice until someone told me...

119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter? So many times.

120. what colour are most of you clothes? Black

121. do you like adventures? Not really. I had my adventures days. I’m boring now hahaha

122. have you ever been on tv? UHmm... Yes... Local tv station about concrete blocks. Why?

123. how old are you? Old... hahaha I’m 28

124. what is your favorite movie quote? From the movie Moulin Rouge: “The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”

125. sweet or savory? Depends on my mood. But mostly Savory!

#tagged #simself #125 questions!!

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kbaldwin0609 · 6 years

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'The Bachelor' episode 2 recap: Crash course in love

Photo: ABC

Warning: This recap for episode 2 of The Bachelor contains spoilers.

Get your motor running rose lovers, because it’s week 2 and our Bachelor is ready to hunt down a wife, like a hawk stalking its prey. (Sorry for mixing my metaphors and similes, folks.) And even though the “ladies” seem to be getting along famously right now at Casa Bachelor, Chris Harrison is quick to remind them that that camaraderie will not last.

Photo: ABC

That’s for damn sure: When Becca K. gets the first one-on-one date, our resident single mom/villain Chelsea is not happy.

Photo: ABC

Becca, meanwhile, hops on the back of Arie’s (rented) motorcycle for a ride through the picturesque Southern California mountains. It’s all very romantic… except for the whole “donorcycle” thing.

Photo: ABC

Krystal’s dad, it turns out, was in a “serious” motorcycle accident, and she also knows lots of people who have died or “lost body parts” in bike accidents as well. Given all that potential awkwardness, I’m surprised Team Bachelor didn’t make Arie take Krystal on the motorcycle date. They love a good “forcing someone to confront a source of personal terror on camera” opportunity.

That said, there is something Team Bachelor loves more than making women fear for their lives, and that’s… the Pretty Woman Date™!!!

Photo: ABC

Naturally Becca is THRILLED at this development — though as a grown-ass woman living in the year 2018 she should know that a man buying you expensive clothes and baubles on your first date is not romantic, it’s creepy and infantilizing. But who cares about that when everything is so SPARKLY???

Photo: ABC

Vom. “Arie makes me feel very special,” gushes Becca. “I appreciate that he picked me to do this.” She appreciates it even more when Arie tells his little lady that she gets to keep ALL the pretty dresses, and he even has some sparkly $700 Louboutins to go with!

Photo: ABC

After poking some diamond Neil Lane earrings through Becca’s lobes, Arie goes in for the smooch, all the while keeping one hand on Becca’s neck. When Becca gets home to primp for part two of her date with Arie, she strolls in so laden with packages and shopping bags that the “ladies” can’t believe what they’re seeing.

Photo: ABC

“Look at those shoes! Are those Louboutins?” shrieks Lauren G. “Eeeeeeeee!” The women vociferously demur when Becca admits she was nervous about bringing all her loot home — and even though the air is thick with jealousy and tension, most of it seems to be directed inward rather than at Becca herself. “Oh my God,” sighs Bibiana ruefully. “They’re gonna get married.” Oh gurl, look at the odds — that’s very unlikely.

Over dinner that night, Arie does a lot of the talking, telling Becca that he feels “wiser” since his last experience on TV and reiterating that his real estate career allowed him to “slow down” and get ready for romance. When Becca does get to speak, it’s to fill Arie in on her late father’s battle with brain cancer — which was, understandably, “the hardest time that I had ever lived through at that point.” The experience, says Becca, brought her even closer to her family — and she’s happy to hear that Arie has strong family ties, too. Of course, she gets the date rose… and some free Neil Lane earrings!

Photo: ABC

Also, I really wish he’d stop running his hands through Becca’s hair. It’s a little much.

The second date of the week is — hold up — another one-on-one date? With Krystal? Well I hope the fitness coach (or whatever) is ready to bring her A-game, because as Arie said, “Becca has definitely set the bar high.”

Krystal may not walk away from her date with a pile of bling, but she will have something to make the other “ladies” jealous: Arie’s taking her home to Scottsdale, Arizona! And she LOVES it.

Photo: ABC

Vom. Once in Arizona, Arie gives Krystal the nickel tour, showing her the Pizza Hut where he worked as a teen, the tree where he had his first kiss, his high school, and naturally his condo, where they pore through old photo albums and watch home movies.

Photo: ABC

But why look at old photos when you can have an awkward encounter with the real thing? That’s right: Arie surprises Krystal with the news that they’re going to meet his family! Though Mr. and Mrs. Arie weren’t super warm the last time they met one of Arie’s dates on TV (see: talking in front of Bachelorette Emily in Dutch), they do their best to endure Krystal’s breathy questioning about how they met.

Photo: ABC

“My mom loves you — I can tell,” Arie tells Krystal as they leave his parents’ home. As for his sister-in-law? I think this barely-repressed sigh speaks for itself.

Photo: ABC

At dinner, Arie invites Krystal to speak (“I want this also to be about you”) — specifically about her family and growing up. As we’ve learned from numerous confessionals, Krystal doesn’t have a close relationship with her family, and she’s nervous about revealing this to the Bachelor. Still, she soldiers on: “My dad wasn’t a part of my life, and my mom was there but was so emotionally unavailable — and I just really felt like my parents didn’t want me.”

Dayum, that’s rough. Krystal goes on tell Arie about the day her brother called her from the hospital after getting beaten up, and she learned he had been living on the streets. The Bachelor assures Krystal that her difficult upbringing doesn’t “reflect negatively” on her, and that he’s not put off by her struggles. In fact, says Arie, he specifically brought Krystal to meet his family in order to ease his mother’s mind about the types of women he would be dating on the show. “You are amazing,” he concludes, handing over the date rose.

Did you have “awkward private concert by (mostly) unknown artist” on your Bachelor bingo game? Time to stamp that card!

Photo: ABC

Maybe next time, Connor.

On to the group date — which is so large Team Bachelor had to hire a tractor-trailer limo to fit all the women inside. Maquel, Marikh, Tia, Valerie, Annaliese, Lauren G., Kendall, Bekah, Jenny, Sienne, Jenna, Caroline, Brittany, Bibiana, [giant gasp for air] and Chelsea bounce out of the truck in their cute athleisure gear and are greeted by Arie, who drives up in a spray-painted beater

He briefs the “ladies” on demolition derby ground rules, and then sends them off to spray paint their cars. To their credit, some of the women get pretty creative with their designs. Winner:

Photo: ABC

Runner-up:

Photo: ABC

Unfortunately Annaliese can’t stop crying; it seems she had a traumatic experience with bumper cars as a child — which Team Bachelor promptly illustrates, nightmare-dream-sequence style.

Photo: ABC

“A bumper car trauma?” scoffs Jenny, one of the 17 blondes on the date. “I didn’t know that bumper car trauma is a thing.” Damn right it is, toots! Especially if it gets Arie to come over and comfort the still-weeping Annaliese one-on-one. The girl’s no fool.

Naturally Chris Harrison is there — along with racecar driver Robby Gordon — to do the color commentary for the “Bashelor Demolition Derby.” And damn, the host isn’t holding back. “So could this be the first time that Arie actually wins something on a race track?”

Photo: ABC

When the air horn blows, the women hit the gas. Suddenly Annaliese transforms from a weepy wuss to a stunt driver in Death Race 2000: She rams into Chelsea, “t-bones” Kendall, and slams into Marikh, all while driving in reverse. “She’s crushing girls like it’s her job!” marvels Harrison. Several minutes of ear-splitting metal-on-metal action later, Seinne emerges victorious in the derby, beating out Raven 2. “Second place sucks d***,” she groans.

Though she didn’t last the longest, Brittany’s derby run was apparently so violent that she upset her own equilibrium, because by the time the after-party rolls around, she is not in attendance. “Brittany smashed everybody with her car,” explains Jenna, “and unfortunately can’t be here.” Hmmm… if Brittany’s going to let something like whiplash or a possible concussion stop her from competing for Arie, maybe she doesn’t really want to be married after all.

Immediately after the toast, Chelsea pulls Arie away for a private chat. It’s time for her to reveal her big secret: She has a 3-year-old son, Sammy! The Bachelor is unfazed, as he once fell for single mom Emily Maynard, and he even lived with a woman with two kids for over a year. “I know that it’s hard to be away [from your son],” says the Bachelor. “It makes me happy that you’re here and taking a chance on me.” Then he eats her face.

Photo: ABC

The women, on the other hand, aren’t so supportive. So what if Chelsea sacrificed time with her son to be here? All of them sacrificed something — like time away from posting on Instagram or posting homemade exercise videos on YouTube! “Everybody has a story,” notes Bibiana. Seinne’s, for instance, involves graduating from Yale, studying abroad in Brazil, and generally being far too good for this show/Arie. And he knows it: “I barely graduated high school and worked at Pizza Hut!” Of course, Arie isn’t going to let his insecurities stop him from macking on Seinne; when she attempts to pull away from their “thanks for the chat” hug, he keeps his arm firmly around her neck until she realizes the only means of escape is to kiss him.

Photo: ABC

As the night wears on, Bibiana — who was already irritable when the party began — grows ever more frustrated as woman after woman grabs Arie before she can. That is, if she’s even trying — we only ever see her sulking on the couch.

Photo: ABC

“I’m done,” she says with a pout, before stomping out of the room and slamming the door. Meanwhile…

Photo: ABC

“It was, like, really hot,” reports Bekah of her first smooch with the Kissing Bandit. Not hot enough, toots: Seinne gets the date rose!

Photo: ABC

Seinne is in it to win it, dawg.

Cocktail party time! Arie — who either is a true gentleman or just knows how to approximate one, I can’t decide — kicks off the night by seeking out Brittany T., to make sure she feels better after her demolition derby-related injury. She does, especially after the Bachelor gives her this:

Photo: ABC

We interrupt this recap to remind you that fur is gross, folks. Here’s hoping Bekah the nanny’s coat is faux.

Photo: ABC

“I lead with chemistry, and with Bekah, there’s a lot of that,” says Captain Obvious. “She’s bold and charismatic, and when we kiss, it was just apparent that she could be the whole package.” The whole package minus about 10 years, but why quibble?

After an intern surgically removes Arie from Bekah’s face, he gets accosted by Krystal, who feels it’s necessary to “follow up” with the Bachelor even though she already has a rose. As you can imagine, this does not go over well.

Photos: ABC

“I’m not worried,” breathes Krystal in her hyperventilating baby voice. “Some girls are a little weird, and some are very young, and some girls aren’t even there yet.” Which may be why she thinks it’s ok to interrupt Arie again while he’s talking to Bibiana, and you just know Bibi Gun is not about to lose her time tonight.

Krystal: “Do you mind if I step in for a moment?” Bibiana: “I actually do.”

The tension carries over into the house when Krystal foolishly (or as a calculated manipulation) comes and sits next to Bibiana. “I really think that you have a lot of balls just coming to sit down with us,” growls Bibi. “When you learn to speak to me like a normal human being and not with a fake tone, then I can actually respect you.” Then she does a dramatic interpretation of Krystal’s annoying personality.

Photo: ABC

When Krystal tries to protest that she was just “checking on” Bibiana, Miss Miami puts a stop to that real quick. “Baby girl, it’s not about checking. If I’m trying to talk to my man, you need to back the f**k up.” Naturally, Team Bachelor makes them stand next to each other at the rose ceremony.

Photo: ABC

Fortunately for Krystal, Bibiana — who warned that Krystal would have to “sleep with one eye open” if she got sent home — gets a rose. She joins Maquel, Jacqueline, Bekah M., Jenna, Chelsea, Lauren S., Raven 2, Annaliese, Lauren B., Kendall, Brittany, Ashley, Marikh, Caroline, Becca, Seinne and Krystal in the winners’ circle. That means we must say goodbye to Lauren G. (2 down, 2 to go!), Valerie, and Jenny… who takes it the hardest.

Photo: ABC

Ever the gentleman (or a jerk capable of impersonating a gentleman, I’m not sure), Arie goes after Jenny to comfort her in her time of nationally televised rejection. “I have to make tough choices,” he says. “And I just didn’t see it.” And Jenny’s all, Whatever, Old Man River. “I’m not sad about you,” she sniffs. “I’m sad about leaving my new friends.” Indeed, Jenny has never experienced rejection before, and she definitely does not enjoy it. “He literally picked a taxidermist over me,” she moans. “I just feel like I embarrassed myself.” Finally, Jenny and I agree on something.

And with that, rose lovers, we’re done with week two. (The “next week on” preview can be summed up in one word: Tears.) So tell me, do you think Arie’s a true gentleman or just playing one on TV? Does anyone else feel guilty about hating Krystal, given her tough upbringing? And why in the world would anyone ever want a pickled bat? Post your thoughts now! And be sure to check out Chris Harrison’s exclusive blog right here. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go get examined for whiplash… just in case.

The Bachelor airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.