#actually. yknow what. fuck it. i finally understand galadriels temptation. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

soldier-poet-king · 11 months

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St Thereses little way and small kindnesses shape the world and make it go round etc etc etc

Yes that is ALL true and I don't discount it but ALSO have you considered I ALSO want the Big Grand Kindnesses and Great Works and Gestures

Not just for the drama. Not for the recognition, I generally hate to be noticed. But for the competency. The satisfaction. The possibility that I CAN. Surely there is this ambition and drive for a reason. Surely I am incredibly hungry and yet have no concrete selfish tangible dreams, just a Grand Desire for The Good in some great manifestation, surely for a reason. A meaning. A purpose.

I want it. More than comfort and kindness and love I want this. The deepest hunger of my existence. The reason for my existence.

#franposting #actively chewing and biting at work today #and its only a Monday #oh boy. oh boy #is this maybe just a manifestation of a need for control #has every existentialist prior also sought this desperately #it is less the despair and more of the hunger #of knowing it is there. beyond my reach or capability but not beyond my desire or mind #it is a terrible thing #sometimes i think it better to have been ignorant of it. to be content with the small and the simple and the good #and not know or want for more #those are better people. tbh. they can do more good than all my navel gazing pretensions can #and yet. and yet #this is why i cant be left alone to get bored #ive been out of school for only a year without a concrete end goal #and i am already redesigning the world in my ambition and my benevolent tyranny #actually. yknow what. fuck it. i finally understand galadriels temptation.#or at least. in part #fuck. OHHHH journal we're really init now #god forbid one day anyone ever reads these things. bitch is a lunatic.#shoutout to all the homies who wouldve been diagnosed with female hysteria

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