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minetteenfers · 3 years

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Note for fanfic updates like Adrien August specifically(Note that I just posted on it)

Summary: Updates will be slow because I’m suffering from really bad flare ups that haven’t let me chill for 5 days now and counting. Read below if you want more details LMAO

Hello! How are you all?

I debated whether to use talk to speech to write this note and then decided that I would just type it. Sigh. haha Some of you may know, because I don't hide it and feel like a broken record I'm sorry, I struggle with Fibromyalgia/PCOS/IBS/Anxiety/Depression. It would be easier to research Fibro than for me to explain it. XD It's different for everyone. Some have it worse than others. Some have it better. There are good and bad days and bad days are called flare ups. There is no cure for Fibromyalgia. It is also one of the invisible chronic illnesses. This means that when doctors look at me on a level of testing, there is nothing seemingly wrong with me but clearly there is. lol I have elevated inflammation, but otherwise on a medical level... I seem healthy and fine. However, that is not the case.

Fibromyalgia I got diagnosed with at this year? I don't even know. I've been suffering from it for months... or more without realizing it. Basically... on my worse days... I will be coughing, my sinuses will swell in my face and all over, my joints will swell and pop (all of them), muscles will pop and go weak and will spasm, pattern lights (flickering strobing... patterns...) will make my brain act weird. I will have times where I feel like I'm listing on a ship on the ocean and will have to grab walls to balance, I will double up words... like 'I went went the store' instead of 'I went to the store'. I will write one word and mean another. I can't multitask or drive. The only time I can drive is if I've driven there enough to know my way there by muscle memory. I will drop cups and things... my wrists and fingers will swell and stiffen, making it hard to write. I will not be able to coherently talk sometimes and speak slow due to exhaustion. I will randomly get so tired I HAVE to lay down or sleep. I suffer from chronic migraines and from grinding my teeth in my sleep. I have moments where I hobble everywhere and have to stop walking because either my legs give out or go numb. Hands and feet tingle, shoulders, back of my neck... stuff goes numb or hurts. I sneeze or cough and will hurt my ribs, sternum, or back and have pulled my hip flexor sneezing THREE TIMES. lol

There are three medications, physical therapy, my brain is blanking. That's part of it too... Sometimes I forget what words I want or what I'm saying and I blank out. lol Mental therapy (I normally know the word beside therapist and psychologist and psychiatrist lol) and other things you can do for it... but I can't take medications due to being sensitive to almost all of them. I can't afford to do the rest. I can "walk" and I can rest. LMAO That's it.

I am saying all of this because not being able to stand or crouch for ages, not being able to lift heavy things... sometimes not being able to stir a meal I'm cooking or cut something lol.... not being able to focus... makes it near impossible for me to work a normal job like I used to. It's frustrating not being able to do what I used to be able to do. It's frustrating to feel like I need help and I'm stubborn as all hell about it. LMAO But I just laugh it off as much as I can when I drop something or can't do something randomly.

A friend of mine that suffers from chronic illness told me to never let myself sink and be proud and celebrate the little accomplishments. She also sent me the Spoon Theory to help others, who don't suffer from a chronic illness to better understand chronic illness.

I am saying all this because Adrien August is going to be releasing and updating really slow because these past five days (yes, sadly I've been counting) have been complete utter Hell for me. My fingers hurt typing this, my body hurts from my neck down to my lower back and it is tingling and numb. I'm exhausted. I'm frustrated. I feel like a burden to people in my life. I'm full of anxiety and depression to the point I have not been sleeping well and I've just wanted to cry for no reason other than feeling like my ability to control my emotions is hanging on a thin thread. LOL I'm struggling with my left leg when I walk the last few days. I'm just realizing I need to slow down for the next few days. I'll be reblogging with @chimpukampu and @lalunaoscura but this fic will be moving slow. Not too slow... but I'm trying not to push myself. I probably forgot some symptoms tbh because there are so many of them. XD

Anyway, I'm sorry that I am slow at updating lately. It's because I've been focused on other things and then this flare up has lasted longer than any so far and it's absolute murder. lol I'm usually a super positive person but lately this has been kicking my ass hard. XD I thank all my amazing friends for letting me vent and for lifting me up. I thank my husband for putting up with me and my frustration at myself that I am projecting outward, which I feel so guilty for. XD I just need to realize when I can't do something... it's okay, because it is okay. It's okay to need help. I don't know how many damn times I've written that in a fanfic, LMAO!!!!! but it's true! It's okay. It'll be okay. It'll get better. I got this! I had it before... I can get it again! LMAO

Sorry to be a downer and I hope you all are having a wonderful night or day where ever you are and thank you for all of the support! Seriously!

#update #adrienaugust2021 #personal #my life #welcome to my fun life #miraculous ladybug mention #ml fanfic

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