#after all they ARE the oldest of the crew and it's just logical that the younger people are going to see them as wiser people to rely on | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fairyniceyeah · 3 months

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⌛🐿️ I’m not okay

Title from NOT OKAY (ATEEZ)

Summary: Filming for the "NOT OKAY" M/V overwhelms Hongjoong. Wooyoung senses his hyung needs some comfort and tlc.

CW: mental health issues, mentions of trauma

Sickie/Whumpee: Hongjoong Caretaker: Wooyoung (+ Seonghwa)

„The cameras are here and there. We’ll monitor from the outside and you will be able to hear us over the speaker”, the director said. Hongjoong nodded, already not a fan of the metal claws trapping his hand. For the filming of their new Japanese single “Not okay” they had decided to focus their M/V on their real fears and the trauma from their lore. Why that meant Hongjoong needed to have his hand in this claw, he didn’t know.

With the ideas of lore and trauma in mind, they had decided to have Jongho trapped on a hospital bed – a reflection of his injuries which the maknae had suggested himself.

Wooyoung’s stage fright and anxiety on how he was received by society – something that had been a problem for some time.

Mingi’s anxiety and his escape through music which he had mastered very well during filming the day before.

San’s problems with stalking and his instability before he found a home with them, his anger and fear after losing his grandfather.

Yeosang not being free, being controlled by his parents – which also was a mirror of his past though their relationship was now better than ever.

Yunho had protested using any real trauma so they had focused on his lore of losing his brother, which in hindsight Hongjoong was not sure was so smart, knowing Yunho now daily talked with him over phone.

Seonghwa being stopped from doing what he wanted by his own fears and not having time for himself – for their oldest it was a very vague concept and Hongjoong assumed that Seonghwa had not felt ready to show everything to ATINY. They hadn’t spoken much about it personally.

For Hongjoong himself, in alignment with their lore he was left behind by his family, trapped and alone.

Naturally, their brilliant idea was to have Hongjoong be alone while filming, a sort of method acting if anything. The mirrors and phone screens, as well as the metal claw could easily reflect loneliness and abandonment, make him think he was actually alone. Leaving him alone without the camera crew in the room that in itself was very small alone was the most logical approach. He supposed it would make the filming much more realistic if he didn’t actually have to act - it wasn’t his strongest suit after all.

“Lie down on the floor”, the director explained over the speakers and Hongjoong complied. “Just look a mix of scared and entranced. The phone will start flashing in hana, dul, set!”

Though he had been warned, Hongjoong had not quite expected the white screen blinking wildly at him to be so bright. Instinctively he closed his eyes, in the same moment knowing he had ruined the shot. “Sorry”, he called out. Over the speakers, the director counted down again.

Hongjoong lost count of how often the words “HOME”, “ALONE”, “MISSING”, “MOTHER”, “FAMILY”, “BEHIND” and “AFRAID” flashed into his face. The director was nice, he supposed, but very perfectionistic. As he finally called a halt to filming Hongjoong’s eyes kept hurting, imaginary lights flickering in and out. Already his head started to hurt and he hoped the lights would not trigger a migraine. He didn’t have time for that.

“Hongjoong-ssi, that was very well done. We’ll take a short break and then resume with the next scene. Unless you need to use the bathroom, I’d like to ask you to stay in there to get into the feeling, okay?”

“I’m okay for now”, Hongjoong replied and sat on the floor to wait. He hated method acting, in a way. He knew he wasn’t alone, was just in a small room for the filming but everything seemed so far away. There was a deep silence in the room, the only thing Hongjoong could hear was his own breathing. It was not a nice place to be.

Also, despite Hongjoong having been on camera so often since even before debut, this felt weird, knowing that he was being watched while he couldn’t see anything outside of the room. To take his mind off the matter, he decided to look around the room. He was, after all, interested in how the M/V would turn out.

The room was built in a way that resembled an abandoned hotel room or something close to that. It was really small. Behind Hongjoong was a mirror that didn’t help make the room feel bigger, it just made everything more confusing.. Hongjoong wasn’t claustrophobic, nevertheless the little space made him uneasy.

Hongjoong sighed, uneasy with knowing the other members were somewhere else. He wished he could be able to at least see one of them to reassure himself that he wasn’t alone. It might just be a small, separate room at the filming location he was in but any other human could be kilometers away for all he could tell.

Kilometers away, just like his family.

Hongjoong swallowed. When they wrote the concepts he had never once imagined that he would feel affected by the scenes. After all they were just filming an M/V with content from their lore. Yet Hongjoong had to admit to himself that it hit a bit too close to home for comfort.

The captain hadn’t seen his parents in nearly half a year, his own schedules too much and not at all matching with his parents’ work times. His last meeting with Bumjoong had also been months ago. Sure, Hongjoong knew that other idols hadn’t seen their families in much longer (some of his members included). But still, he missed them. He always told all the members that it wasn’t a contest who saw his family the least.

It didn’t make it any easier for him but Hongjoong was happy that he was so close to his own family. His parents had always supported him with what he wanted for himself, never pressuring him to follow a career he didn’t want for himself. Hongjoong loved them with all his heart and he knew they loved him that way too.

He remembered his appa’s message from Idol Radio, which back then had nearly made him cry on camera. He had been able to push the tears back then, unlike other times in ATEEZ’s own content. Right now, he felt a sudden longing to just call his parents and beg them to come to Seoul just for a day. He wanted his eomma to hug him like she did when he was a child and have his appa speak with him in person.

Sometimes being an adult scared Hongjoong. He was painfully aware of everything that could happen while he was away, unlike a child who trusted that everything would always be okay. Back when he was younger he had never been able to imagine living one day without seeing his parents. He’d been the kid that would never stay for sleepovers and while he certainly had outgrown that, he still had had to learn that his parents were living their own lives and were not just his parents. They had their own careers, their own lives and while, if they could, they certainly would drop everything to help him that was just not a realistic expectation.

Sometimes it felt like being an idol never was enough payment for all the time he lost with his family. He had left home when he was a teenager, spent all his time in the studio with EDEN.

It had hurt to realize that when his dreams of being a musician had clashed with staying home in Anyang. Being the only trainee at KQ for six months had been lonely and he had lost count of how many nights he had cried himself to sleep during that time.

Sometimes it felt like some of the managers who had been there since the start were more of his parents than his actual parents, considering they knew much more about his life than his parents did. Sure, he had his members, his found family, but the responsibility of being a leader and a hyung was something he didn’t necessarily want all the time. But Hongjoong was a hyung, not the maknae he was at home. Quickly he had had to turn from being a comfort-seeker to being a comfort-giver. His own need for comfort had been pushed back.

Not that he blamed his dongsaengs, he could never. It was just hard seeing them get what he wanted and (most often in Jongho’s case, but Yunho and Yeosang were culprits often enough) reject it.

Hongjoong closed his eyes and shook himself, hoping to get out of his head or, even better yet, get to start filming again. But nobody came, not even a voice over the loudspeakers.

Instead, the words repeated themselves in his mind.

HOME

ALONE

MISSING

MOTHER

FAMILY

BEHIND

AFRAID

His hands started to tremble.

He was never home, neither with his parents nor his brother nor with his members.

He often was alone, at the studio or now he was alone trapped in the room.

He was missing his mother, his family, everyone he had left behind.

He was afraid.

Afraid of failure. Afraid of losing his family. Afraid of not being good enough. Afraid that one bad decision, one bad song would make them lose ATINY. Afraid that he could lose his members. Afraid of making the smallest mistake. Afraid of his members leaving for the military or for the opportunity for a single career – things that had ruined his sunbaes before.

Tears filling his eyes made him finally be able to snap out of the slump he was falling into.

No, he couldn’t think like that. Not on a film set with a renowned director. Not while - for all he knew - somebody could be watching him through the cameras. He took a deep breath and managed to calm himself down quickly enough.

But he couldn’t stop the shaking of his hands for the rest of the filming session.

⌛

Wooyoung was worried. They had just come home from filming the last bits of their M/V and Hongjoong had disappeared into his room the moment they had come home. Sure, the captain could be just tired, they had been filming for the past three days straight. Today had mostly just been their solo scenes, which for easier transport had been done in dorm arrangements. Seonghwa, San and Mingi had been allowed to go home in the afternoon, the lucky bastards. Yunho and Yeosang had left two hours later. Only Wooyoung, Jongho and Hongjoong had been required to stay back until ten in the evening. Wooyoung was a bit jealous but also very happy for the other members.

Hongjoong’s filming had taken the longest and Wooyoung had felt really bad for his hyung who had been forced to stay in the separate area for over six hours with only one bathroom break. Wooyoung was glad he himself at least had been surrounded by the dance crew, so he wasn’t so alone. Jongho’s filming had also not taken too long, the maknae a born actor.

Speaking off, Jongho walked into the kitchen just at that moment, shrugging on his jacket. “I’m going out to eat with Mingi-hyung and will probably stay the night at their dorm.”

“Alright, have fun”, Wooyoung said with a small wave. Then Jongho disappeared and he was once again alone in the kitchen. He supposed he could make dinner for himself and maybe Hongjoong. Maybe it would cheer his hyung up, he had been very quiet on the way back. His whole demeanor had basically screamed that something was wrong and he didn’t want Hongjoong to be alone when he was feeling off.

Wooyoung wasn’t quite sure what was going on with Hongjoong but he had a duty as a dongsaeng to check on his hyung. Even if said hyung was emotionally constipated and would probably act like he was fine. He could act as if he was fine while in company and with good, home-made food too.

He walked up to their bedrooms, Hongjoong’s room at the end of the hallway and separated from his and Jongho’s by the bathroom. Just as he was about to knock and ask what Hongjoong wanted to eat, he heard a quiet noise come through the closed door.

Was that? No, it couldn’t be. But it sounded suspiciously like Hongjoong was crying?

For a moment, Wooyoung faltered. He didn’t want to intrude Hongjoong’s privacy, considering how much the captain valued it. But Wooyoung could not in good conscience leave a sad member alone, when maybe all they needed was a shoulder to cry on and a hug. If Hongjoong truly wanted to be left alone, Wooyoung would leave.

Wooyoung cautiously knocked on the door, listening for any sounds from inside. Nearly immediately the sniffling stopped and was replaced by hitched breathing. Then Hongjoong’s voice came, wet and uncertain: “Don’t come in. It’s not a good time, sorry.”

Wooyoung sighed. He hadn’t really expected anything else. “Hyung”, he called, trying to keep his voice soft and warm, “it’s just me, Wooyoung-ah. Let me come in, okay? I know something is up and I don’t want you to be alone.”

There was silence for a long time and just as Wooyoung was about to enter anyway, Hongjoong said: “If you really want to, I guess you can come in.”

Wooyoung didn’t waste a second, scared that Hongjoong would revoke his agreement to come in, and opened the door. The captain’s room was nearly drenched in darkness, and Wooyoung had to blink a bit to let his eyes adjust. Only a small moon lamp, the one Hongjoong’s parents had gifted him after their successful promotions of Crazy Form, was on.

Hongjoong himself was laying under his blankets, which were pretty messy and showed that the captain was curled into himself underneath them. Only a tuft of blonde hair and tired eyes were peeking out. It hurt to see Hongjoong brought so low, normally he was such a bright and happy person. Of course Wooyoung had seen Hongjoong cry before, after their first win and then many other instances later on. But this seemed random - nothing had happened except for the filming. Or had something? Maybe it was his family?

Tentatively, Wooyoung stepped into the room, aware that Hongjoong was watching him. He crossed the small space until he could comfortably sit on the bed beside Hongjoong. Wooyoung hesitated, not knowing if Hongjoong wanted to be touched, but decided to at least place one hand onto the blanket where he supposed the captain’s shoulder was. Up close he could now see how red Hongjoong’s eyes were and the tears and, disgusting, snot on his pale face.

Hongjoong sighed at the contact, breathing out deeply and focused his gaze on Wooyoung’s hand. “I’m sorry you have to deal with … this”, he mumbled and unburied one trembling hand to vaguely gesture at himself. Now at least his whole face was uncovered and Wooyoung didn’t have to fear anymore that he was trying to suffocate himself.

“I’d rather help than let you be sad alone”, Wooyoung soothed. He still didn’t know what this was. Nothing to do but ask. “I know you probably don’t want to, hyung, but it might help talking about what made you hide in here and cry.”

“You are, for once, right”, Hongjoong said, his lips wobbling as he tried to force a smile, “I really don’t want to talk about it. It’s irrelevant, really.”

“It’s not irrelevant if it makes you unhappy, hyung”, Wooyoung protested lightly, “Jongho-yah is out with Mingi-hyung. Do you want to sit in the kitchen and eat something? You must be hungry?”

Hongjoong shook his head at that, even with the added information that they were alone and there was no need to reveal his perceived weakness to anybody but Wooyoung. “I’m not hungry at all. I don’t want to get up.”

“How about you take a hot shower to clean yourself up, hm? The hot water might make you feel better. I’ll use the time to make us some ramen and once we’ve eaten we can sit on the couch or go back here, whatever you want. Then you can tell me what’s on your mind”, Wooyoung suggested.

“When did you become so mature, baby?”, Hongjoong asked with a sad sigh, running a hand through his hair. “I’m up.” It was obvious how much strength it took from the older to sit up and swing his legs over the side of the bed. His knees nearly buckled under his weight and Wooyoung had to place a steadying hand on his hip to help him stay upright. Hongjoong must be more exhausted than Wooyoung had thought.

Gently he led Hongjoong to the bathroom, never once letting go of him. “Take your time. I’ll bring you some pajamas, okay? Just don’t lock the door, you’re not as steady as I would like. Yell if you need anything.”

Tiredly, Hongjoong nodded and slowly stepped into the bathroom as if it took all his power to do so.

With worry in his chest, Wooyoung left him to it. Deciding that a whole meal could be made another day, he instead went to the kitchen and just boiled some water for instant ramen. It would have to be enough, and as he opened the fridge he was greeted with some left-over mini chocolate cakes that Jongho may or may not have begged the manager for the day before. Surely, Jongho wouldn’t mind Wooyoung using them to cheer up the captain - well, considering that Hongjoong probably would not want Jongho to know, Wooyoung could deal with Jongho being angry at him for a day or two. It was for a better cause, really.

While the water needed some time, Wooyoung decided to change Hongjoong’s bed sheets while he had the time. It was just an amazing feeling to uncurl up under fresh sheets, especially considering Hongjoong had laid down with his dirty outside clothes on before. So, on his way to grab Hongjoong some pajamas he stopped by the small alcove which held the cleaning supplies and fresh towels and sheets. Wooyoung selected one of the good, silky ones that he had … borrowed from Seonghwa before they had changed dorms. He wanted the best for his hard-working captain.

He deposited the fresh sheets on Hongjoong’s desk and returned to his own room for a moment, grabbing the pajamas he had had in mind since he suggested them. It was just an old pair of San’s sweatpants and a T-shirt which had originally belonged to Yunho but had probably been worn by all of them at some point. Both items were soft and comfy and smelled like home. They would dwarf Hongjoong a lot but Wooyoung knew the captain took comfort from that too.

Wooyoung knocked onto the bathroom door and when he received no answer, he quickly opened the door in worry. But it seemed like Hongjoong just had not heard him, still standing under the shower. The glass of the shower was milky enough that two members technically could use the bathroom at the same time without awkwardness but they preferred not to.

“I’m putting your clothes on the washing machine”, Wooyoung called and received a quiet ‘thank you’ in return. Not wanting to place them in any weird position, Wooyoung quickly left and focused on changing Hongjoong’s bed sheets before finishing up the ramen.

⌛

Wooyoung only needed to wait for a few minutes until Hongjoong joined him in the kitchen. While the clothes should have looked ridiculous on him, it just made him look cozy. Especially with his blond hair slightly dripping onto his shoulders and his bare face, Hongjoong looked very young.

“You wanna eat on the couch? Seonghwa-hyung isn’t here to yell at us”, Wooyoung asked and received a nod. Feeding his hyung took priority over talking about his feelings for the time being. “Let me.”

He didn’t want Hongjoong to help, maybe even spoil him a bit, so Wooyoung directed him to the couch and carried over the bowls, plates and two glasses of water by himself. He sat everything down on the table and fell onto the couch next to his tired hyung.

“Eat as much as you can”, Wooyoung ordered, knowing Hongjoong was one of the members best at pushing around food in a way to make it look like he had eaten. The captain threw him a wary glance but didn’t protest, instead picking up his chopsticks.

They ate in comfortable silence though it seemed Hongjoong was starting to struggle to stay awake. Once or twice Wooyoung had to save his bowl from tipping over, precariously balanced on Hongjoong’s knees. He didn’t eat close to enough but Wooyoung didn’t have the heart to make him eat more when he put the bowl onto the TV table.

“Chocolate cake?”, Wooyoung offered instead but Hongjoong shook his head.

“I’m really not hungry.”

⌛

With a sigh, Hongjoong rested his head against Wooyoung’s shoulder once both of them were done with eating. He was cold, tired and just wanted to sleep and forget about the day. Staying here, curled up with Wooyoung, sounded like heaven to his frazzled mind. But he knew he owed Wooyoung an explanation of … everything that had happened.

Wooyoung turned his head a bit to look down at Hongjoong and brushed some of the now cold, wet hair from his face. Wooyoung started to frown just then and placed the back of his cold hand against Hongjoong’s forehead.

“You’re feeling warm, hyung”, he said, voice sad, “I think you might be running a fever.”

“I took a hot shower”, Hongjoong countered half-heartedly. He knew the warmth from the shower would not last that long and, if he was honest, a fever would explain his exhausted, emotional state.

“Yeah, but your hair is cold while your forehead is burning”, Wooyoung said, “let me fetch the thermometer for my peace of mind.”

Hongjoong did not, in fact, want to lift his head to let Wooyoung leave but he did. His temples were pounding and the lull of sleep was pulling him in. He opened his eyes to a hand stroking his cheek and obediently he let Wooyoung place the metal under his tongue. Hongjoong reached out with the hand not holding the thermometer to entangle his fingers with Wooyoung’s while they waited. Then a few beeps. Great.

“38.1°C”, Wooyoung read out, “could have been much worse. I have some fever reducers here for you.”

Deciding he did not want to fight Wooyoung, and also desperate to feel better, Hongjoong just silently took the pills from Wooyoung and took a bite from the chocolate cake he had left over. Once he had downed the pills he took a few sips of water, shivering when the cold liquid went through his body.

Instantly Wooyoung reached across him and spread the fluffy, oversized blanket over both of them. Hongjoong sunk back down against his side, too comfy to even consider leaving their small nest. Wooyoung hummed and wrapped his arm around Hongjoong so that he could lean his head on Wooyoung’s chest. A hand came to play with his hair and Hongjoong sighed in content. He could probably fall asleep right where he was.

“What’s on your mind, hyung?”, Wooyoung asked gently.

At the question, unwanted tears flooded Hongjoong’s eyes again and he shrugged. What should he say? What could he say?

“I guess filming was a bit too much today”, Hongjoong settled on, reluctantly, “it wasn’t really nice to be alone for so long, especially with the concept…” He trailed off, voice going quieter the more he spoke. Wooyoung, however, didn’t seem to have an issue understanding him.

“Did you feel sick then too?”, he asked. Hongjoong shook his head. Overwhelmed and sad, yes. But not sick.

“Filming probably took a lot out of you, especially with how emotional it can be. No wonder you’re exhausted and feverish. I can’t fathom how it feels to be alone for so long”, Wooyoung said. Hongjoong was, at this very moment, very glad it had been him and not one of the other members who had had to do this.

“It wasn’t nice”, Hongjoong agreed. Then before he could lose his courage, he asked: “Do you think it’s really worth it? Being idols, I mean.”

Wooyoung inhaled sharply and pressed a kiss against Hongjoong’s temple before he maneuvered Hongjoong from his arms. For a second Hongjoong was scared that the younger would leave, would hate his captain for doubting what they had worked so hard for. Instead Wooyoung turned them both so they could look at each other. One of his hands came to rest against Hongjoong’s cheek, fingers icy-cold against his blazing hot skin.

“For me, it’s definitely worth it, hyung. I don’t want to imagine a world where I never got to meet all of you”, Wooyoung said with a tight smile. At his words Hongjoong’s tears began to fall in earnest again and suddenly he was pulled into a bone-crushing hug, sobbing against his dongsaeng’s chest. Wooyoung held on tight, running his hands up and down Hongjoong’s back and gently soothed and sobs that sounded in the otherwise silent room.

It felt good, in a way, to let go of his anxieties and emotions. To get comforted by somebody who he knew wouldn’t judge. To not have to pretend that he was okay.

⌛

Hongjoong didn’t know how long it was that he was crying for when he was finally able to calm down. Wooyoung helped Hongjoong lie down on his lap, as hesitant as Hongjoong to let go. There were tears on his face too.

“We’re a mess”, Hongjoong rasped. “Yeah, but we’re a mess together. That’s okay”, Wooyoung replied and reached over Hongjoong to grab the box of tissues that was placed on the table. He handed Hongjoong a few tissues and took some for himself. Hongjoong blew his nose, then used a new tissue to wipe his eyes. They burned and ached but he felt lighter somehow.

“We’ll clean up some other time, the floor is as good as any place”, Wooyoung said and they both dropped the crumbled balls onto the floor.

“I’m sorry”, Hongjoong mumbled, after a moment of contemplation. He didn’t want to burden the younger members with his issues, even less cry all over them. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. We all had a hard day and yet I’m the only one ugly crying on the sofa.”

“Hm, none of us had to sit alone in a small room for six hours while occasionally getting flashed by our own trauma. Besides, you have spent all your nights at the studio and are exhausted. And you’re running a fever, though that might be also a reaction to the stress. Don’t feel bad about it, hyung.” Wooyoung shrugged, nonchalant.

But as Wooyoung had said, he was the hyung, the captain. He had to be strong.

Hongjoong didn’t realize he had voiced his thoughts out loud until Wooyoung said: “It’s okay to be weak from time to time. We’re a team, you know. You don’t have to carry all your burdens alone, hyung. Tell me what else has been on your mind, please.”

Wooyoung sounded so earnest, so hopeful, so worried that Hongjoong couldn’t help but talk.

“I guess … I am … I am so afraid, all the time. Sometimes I think this is all just a dream and I will wake up again in a bed alone, the lone trainee of KQ. Working hard until they decide that debuting a group is too much and that I will have to go back home in shame. I’m scared that one day people will come to realize that they don’t like us as much as they thought. That one bad song, one mistake will ruin all our careers and that it will be all my fault. I’m afraid that all that I have gone through - all that we have gone through - may have been for naught at the end of the day”, Hongjoong admitted, sniffling slightly. His nose was still blocked from crying and it was hard to breathe again.

“It’s real, hyung. It’s all real”, Wooyoung whispered, “we’re famous, we have millions of ATINYs behind our backs, ready to defend us and loving what we do. And even if some might lose interest and one day we’re not as famous anymore, we’re still eight. We’re still your friends, hyung. Isn’t that enough?”

Hongjoong looked up at his dongsaeng who was looking at him with stars in his eyes. He had never really realized how much the members adored him but he could see the love Wooyoung held for him.

“It’s enough for me. But I want you to shine on stage and be happy”, Hongjoong whispered.

“We’re happy, hyung. We’re all so happy, don’t worry. Even if we weren’t on stage, we’d be happy, I promise.”

“Okay”, Hongjoong choked out.

Wooyoung continued running his fingers through Hongjoong’s hair. He seemed to contemplate what to say next. Hongjoong held his breath.

“But that’s still not all, is it?”, Wooyoung asked.

Hongjoong was already too deep in spilling his secrets to start caring now what Wooyoung might think.

“I miss my family”, he whispered, feeling ashamed anyhow. Wooyoung didn’t see his family … no, it wasn’t a competition. They could all miss their families no matter how often - or not - they saw them.

“I just … I mean I left for Seoul when I was so young. I sometimes regret it, you know. Not spending time with them when I still have it. I know I am overthinking but … I mean, technically anybody could die tomorrow and I will forever regret not spending more time with them. I miss them so much, I miss seeing them daily. I miss my eomma’s hugs and my appa’s comforting words and I even miss Bumjoong teasing me for this or that. I guess, I just … I just want to not be ‘on’ all the time. It’s scary too, knowing that here I am the second oldest, the person responsible for all of you. Any small mistake I make could hurt you. I am so scared you will come to resent me if I wasn’t careful, decided wrong and something bad happened…”

“Hyung, Joong-ah, stop”, Woyooung interjected, gently but firmly enough that it shut Hongjoong up. “Listen to me, hyung: We will never resent you for whatever happens. We know you always do the best for us, decide what you think is best. Until now you have not led us astray and I doubt you will. You’re always there for us and we’re so thankful to you. I’m just sorry that we haven’t taken care of you as much as you deserved.”

Wooyoung tapped his finger against Hongjoong’s temple. “You are so smart, hyung, and so headstrong. I know you think you need to be the strong, reliable hyung and captain for us. But you don’t have to be all the time. You’re barely five months older than Yunho, both you and Seonghwa are not much older than we are. I know people call us ‘the kids’ but we do forget sometimes that we actually aren’t. You don’t always need to take care of us. I know you are the baby in your family and I can understand it must be hard to have suddenly been forced into an unknown role. But please, please remember: It’s eight makes one team. You can lean on us too, Hongjoong-hyung.”

Maybe it was the way Wooyoung had said it with tears already glistening in his eyes again, or it was something else but Hongjoong found himself overwhelmed with sobs again. He turned to hide his face against Wooyoung’s stomach and cried.

Cried about his fears.

Cried about the past.

Cried about the future.

Cried about the difficult day.

Cried for himself.

It was good. Cathartic.

⌛

Wooyoung’s heart ached for his captain, sobbing on his lap. None of the members, not even Seonghwa, seemed to have known just how much baggage and internal pressure Hongjoong carried with himself. How much he hid behind smiles and several ‘I’m your hyung, don’t worry about me’.

Now they paid the price: An exhausted, sick and anxious captain hurt beyond his limit for the day.

Slowly, so slowly, Hongjoong’s breathing turned even and then it became congested snores. Wooyoung just continued running his fingers through the bleached hair and pressed a kiss against Hongjoong’s barely exposed temple. Then he pulled out his phone.

Wooyoung (23:34): Hongjoong-hyung is sick and exhausted. Can you tell the manager he needs at least a few days off?

Hwa-Hyung (23:35): What’s wrong? Do you need me to come over? I’ll let the manager know…

Wooyoung (23:36): He’s running a decent fever.

Wooyoung thought for a moment if he should tell Seonghwa more or not but decided that Hongjoong would need all the help and support from the group in the future.

Hwa-Hyung (23:36): How high? What else?

Hwa-Hyung (23:37): How high?

Hwa-Hyung (23:37): Yah! Wooyoung, I can see you are reading the messages.

Hwa-Hyung (23:38): Nevermind - I’m treating this as an emergency. I’m coming over.

Wooyoung (23:38): Yeah, that might be best…

Wooyoung was left with an unopened message but less than five minutes later Seonghwa had let himself into the apartment, rushing over to the sofa the moment he spotted them. He was wearing a two-piece Star Wars pajama set which looked ridiculous and cute at the same time. Before he could say anything, Wooyoung lifted his fingers to his lips, signaling for quiet.

Seonghwa nodded and came to kneel beside the couch, hands coming up automatically to run gentle circles on Hongjoong’s back. The captain didn’t even stir, too sick to be roused by such an act. “What happened? Did the filming go badly?”, the eldest whispered.

“I found him crying in his room. I think today was just too much - it triggered all his fears and insecurities. He was left in that room for six hours on his own, anybody would have been on edge after that, especially when confronted with your own trauma. And, as I said, he’s running a fever. No wonder he is emotional. Though I suspect it may have been caused by the stress as well”, Wooyoung explained, equally quiet, “he needs us so much, hyung. He’s so scared of letting us down.”

“We’ll take care of him, Wooyoung-ah, don’t worry”, Seonghwa replied, “let’s get him to bed so he can sleep comfortably, okay?” Without further ado he lifted Hongjoong into his arms bridal style, letting Wooyoung adjust the captain against his shoulder.

Wooyoung ran ahead, opening doors and pulling the covers of the freshly-made bed back so Seonghwa could set Hongjoong down without any issues. With a smile Seonghwa beckoned Wooyoung to climb into bed with the captain and he readily complied. Gently he pulled Hongjoong close, hugging him from behind as the big spoon, while Seonghwa adjusted the blankets over them.

Throughout all the administrations Hongjoong hadn’t woken up at all, just cuddled a bit close to the warmth of Wooyoung’s body. But when Seonghwa kissed both their foreheads he sleepily opened his eyes, barely even there. Wooyoung doubted he would even remember in the morning.

“I love you”, Hongjoong whispered, earning grins and kisses from the other two.

“We all love you, hyung”, Wooyoung whispered back and squeezed Hongjoong a bit tighter.

“Sleep well, you two”, Seonghwa mumbled, “I’ll be in your room, Wooyoung-ah, if you need me. Love you too.”

Seonghwa switched off the light and the room was bathed in darkness. Wooyoung was sure his arm would fall asleep during the night and Hongjoong was uncomfortably warm against him but for now it was enough.

⌛

Hongjoong wasn’t okay.

But he would be with their help.

Masterlist links: Fairy's Full Masterlist Fairy's Masterlist - ATEEZ

#Kpop #Kpop sick #Kpop sickfic #Sickfic #🧚🏻‍♀️#Ateez #Ateez sick #Sick ateez #Ateez sickfic #⌛#🐿️#⭐#🦊#kpop blog #sick hongjoong #caretaker wooyoung #Title from NOT OKAY (ATEEZ)#mental health issues

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makeitmingi · 1 year

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Cause Baby You’re My Muse [Chapter 9]

Genre: Romance, Idol!AU, Music, Slight angst

Pairing: Mingi x Reader (y/n)

Characters: Producer!Reader, IdolLyricist!Mingi, IdolProducer!Hongjoong, Idol!Seonghwa, Idol!Yunho, Idol!Wooyoung, Idol!San, Idol!Yeosang, Idol!Jongho, cameo(s) by other celebrities

Summary: You always preferred producing underground, having an unknown face and governed by your own rules. But when you start freelancing for idol groups, you say goodbye to your lone wolf lifestyle as you learn to work with idol producers and lyricists.

Word count: 3.1K

“Wooyoung, come on, we need to go cook. Before Seonghwa scolds us. And I don’t want to be a part of the washing up crew.” You patted his arm. He whined, tightening his hold on you. You continued to squirm to try and annoy him into letting you go.

“Fine.” Wooyoung surprised you by kissing the side of your face, the small spot of skin that the mask didn’t cover on the side. You blinked in shock, holding the spot where he had kissed.

“Y-Yah, Wooyoung. You can’t do that!” Yunho, who witnessed the whole thing, yelled. Wooyoung shrugged and held your hand to bring you to the kitchen.

“We’re here.” Wooyoung said to Seonghwa and Mingi, who were taking ingredients out.

“Let me help season the meat before we grill it.” You shocked them by suddenly removing your hoodie. Mingi and Wooyoung looked away while Seonghwa naturally came over to hold your inner shirt down for you.

“Thanks.” You laughed, going to put your hoodie aside, leaving you in a plain shirt and jeans. After that, you washed your hands thoroughly.

“What?” You asked Mingi, who was staring at you.

“N-Nothing.” He blushed and cleared his throat. From what you watched on Ateez shows, the boys didn’t really seem like good cooks, except Wooyoung, who had an interest in cooking. Luckily the people you were with were the most decent cooks out of the bunch. You seasoned the steaks and chicken with salt, pepper and olive oil.

“What else should we make? We bought a lot of food from the store and the managers stocked some staples in the cupboard.” Seonghwa asked you.

“Since we’re having grilled meats and sausages, I can made some sort of pasta, roast vegetables in the oven and prawn cocktail.” You said as you looked over the ingredients.

“Alright. You’re the head chef. Just tell us what to do.” He laughed. You requested for him to grill the meats since you were not confident in grilling. Wooyoung tagged along with the oldest, leaving you with Mingi.

“I guess it’s just us, Mings.” You laughed.

“Mings?”

“Sorry, I meant Mingi.” You shook your head as you corrected yourself.

“No, it’s okay. I like it.” Mingi smiled. You met his smile before the two of you burst out laughing. Even if Mingi wasn’t a good cook, he followed your instructions well.

“I’ll do it. Just pour.” He rolled his sleeves up. You drizzled more olive oil, salt, pepper and some herbs into the bowl with the cut up vegetables.

“I toss it now?” He asked. You nodded and he got his hands in there, tossing the vegetables and making sure they were all coated well. You started baking the potatoes and pumpkin first.

“They take longer to cook so we’ll start them off. After 15 minutes, we’ll add the carrots and onions, then wait another 10 minutes before we add the remaining vegetables like the asparagus.” You explained to him. Mingi’s mouth formed an ‘o’ as he understood your logic.

“What pasta do you guys like?” You asked as you sliced the mushrooms.

“Honestly, we eat anything. The common favourite food of ours is meat. The thing we’re most picky on is vegetables but I think you know that.” Mingi laughed sheepishly.

“I do.” You giggled. He took over slicing the mushrooms for you while you sliced the garlic for the pasta.

“How much pasta do you think we will need?” You held up the packs.

“Two, at least... No, two and a half.” Mingi said. You put the three packs of pasta on the counter, ready for when the water came to a boil. A nice silence fell over the two of you, only soft hip hop music playing in the background.

“How have you been? We haven’t got a chance to go out again after that night.” Mingi broke the silence first.

“Busy. A lot of companies are outsourcing their producing for their groups’ comebacks now. I guess because it is more competitive with so many new groups emerging.” You shrugged.

“I hope you aren’t overworking...” Mingi said softly.

“Don’t worry, Mings. I’m not.” You giggled. You sliced the cherry tomatoes in half to put in the pasta. While you handled the cooking of the pasta, Mingi boiled the prawns for the prawn cocktail. He sat on the counter to peel the prawns once they were cooked and cooled. You tossed garlic and oil in the pan before throwing in the mushrooms and halved tomatoes.

“Something smells so good~” Hongjoong and Yeosang came out. You stirred the ingredients before lifting a strand of pasta up from the boiling water to test the doneness.

“Indigo, want to come live with us? You can cook for us.” Hongjoong asked.

“No thanks. I’ll stick to producing.” You scoffed. Once the pasta was cooked enough, you put it in the frying pan and tossed everything together.

There was actually so much pasta to cook, you had to cook two pans just to be able to fit everything into the pan.

“Help me put some salt and pepper. Just sprinkle it around.” You said. Yeosang did a few pinches of salt and cracked the pepper grinder around. After a final taste, you turned the flame off.

“What else is there to do?” Jongho asked.

“I’m gonna try and make cocktail sauce or some sort of sauce with what we have. To eat with the prawns.” You looked through the cupboards.

“Hmm, let’s see.” The boys all gathered around you as they watched you make the sauce. You mixed ketchup, gochujang, rice vinegar and chopped garlic together. Yunho helped you mix the bowl.

“It needs something...” You said after tasting. You squeezed some lemon inside and added some plum syrup for sweetness. After that, you nodded in approval. Yunho copied you, dipping his finger into the sauce for a taste. Then all the boys did the same.

“Mmmm!” They all nodded happily at the taste. Dinner was done. Mingi pulled the tray of roasted vegetables out of the oven. Wooyoung and Seonghwa brought the meats in. They were in awe of the food that was prepared.

“Everyone grab a plate.” Hongjoong said. The boys insisted you sit at the head of the table while they sat on either side of you. You wore your cap low so you could eat.

“Thank you for the food!” They chimed.

“It looks so good. Indigo, you’re amazing.” San said.

“I had great help.” You waved him off. They all dug in. Although you couldn’t see them with your head lowered, the sighs of happiness and slurps were an indication that they liked the food.

“Never thought vegetables could taste so good. They’re nice and sweet.” Wooyoung commented, making you laugh.

“I like the pasta. It’s so good.” Seonghwa complimented.

“I learnt a lot of small useful tips from Indigo when cooking with her.” Mingi said. You felt your cheeks heat up, you weren’t used to all these compliments from so many people.

“Honestly, Mingi is the trooper. He sacrificed his fingers and peeled all those prawns on his own.” You said. When the dinner was over and all the food was demolished, the cooking team relaxed on the couch while the others cleaned up. Although, from the sound of it, it seemed like there was some sort of deal going on between the remaining members.

“Alright, San hyung and I are on breakfast duty so the rest are cleaning.” Jongho declared as the two sat down with the rest of you.

You sat down to let the food digest for a bit before going to shower. You were starting to get uncomfortable with the smell of cooking fumes on you. Thankfully you had your own shower.

“Hyung! I’m supposed to go first!”

“Why can’t we just shower together?!”

“You know I hate that!” You laughed as you heard Jongho and Wooyoung bickering for one of the bathrooms outside. Picking up a clean mask, you wore it and emerged from your room.

“Whoever needs to can use my bathroom. I’ve finished showering and am fine with it.” You said to no one in particular.

“Are you sure?” Seonghwa asked.

“If I wasn’t sure, I wouldn’t have offered.” You raised an eyebrow. The oldest two took turns to use your bathroom since the queue for two shared bathrooms were way too long. You sat on your bed, hair in a messy bun.

“Ugh, peace and quiet here.” Hongjoong fell onto the bed the moment he came out. It was quiet unbelieveable how polite, shy and cautious he was around you when he first met you. Now, he was boldly laying on your bed, not that you minded anyway. You snorted, ignoring him as you continued looking at some stuff on your laptop.

“Seonghwa, Hongjoong’s out of the bathroom.” You informed, poking your head out. Seonghwa came in with his shower stuff a few minutes later. He hit Hongjoong’s butt.

“Yah, don’t sleep on her bed.” Seonghwa scolded. Hongjoong mumbled something incoherent, which neither you nor Seonghwa could make out.

“What?” Seonghwa laughed.

“I’m not gonna sleep here. I just want some peace and quiet away from the chaos.” Hongjoong repeated. Seonghwa scoffed and rolled his eyes before going to the bathroom to have his shower.

“Are you working on things already?” Hongjoon asked you, hauling his body closer so he could lean over to see your screen.

“Just thinking about what I can work on with all of you.” You replied.

“Ah, work tomorrow. It’s only a few more hours until you have the whole day.” Hongjoong patted your knee.

“This isn’t work. Don’t nag at me all the time.” You tapped the top of his head, making him look up at you with a glare. You giggled playfully while he rested his head on top of your knee, facing away from you, deciding to scroll on his phone. Distracted by the device, he didn’t bother you anymore.

Hongjoong couldn’t see your face but you were deep in thought, thinking about how Haneul would love all the boys. She would think that they’re so cool and funny. You can just imagine her face.

“Move.” Seonghwa shoved Hongjoong’s legs aside dove onto the remaining space at the foot of the bed. Luckily you had a queen sized bed.

“I thought you told me not to sleep here.” Hongjoong scoffed.

“Yes but I need some peace and quiet too.” Seonghwa rolled his eyes. You felt like a kid sitting with her parents in bed while they bantered. After that, they just laid there in silence, which was what they wanted.

“Kick us out when you’re tired and want to sleep. We’ll leave.” Hongjoong said to you, reaching to the back to pat your leg with his hand.

“Please, if you say that, that means we’ll be here until sunrise. She doesn’t sleep.” Seonghwa replied.

“Hey! I do sleep!” You protested. The two actually lifted their heads to give you looks.

“Just not at the same time as you.” You added, sticking your tongue out at them. After a while, with Hongjoong starting to fall asleep, Seonghwa guided him out o the room.

“Goodnight.” You wished each other before closing your room door. Checking the time, you knew you should go to sleep if you were going to wake up in the morning. But as you laid on the bed, you found it hard to fall asleep. Maybe because you were not in a familiar place and this wasn’t your bed. You sighed in frustration as you sat up.

“I need a drink.” You got up and went downstairs. It was dark so you used the flashlight from your phone to navigate to the kitchen. There wasn’t much in the fridge but you did find San’s chocolate milk.

“Sorry, San. I’ll pay you back.” You opened the carton and drank the beverage. You leaned against the counter, scrolling on your phone.

“Ah!” Someone shouted and you jumped, immediately lifting the collar of your shirt to try and cover your face.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were there.” You reached for the light switch and turned on the see Mingi standing there with his hands over his eyes, like a child playing peekaboo.

“Oh, it’s just you.” You sighed.

“I-I’ll go.” He squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to blindly reach for a wall to guide himself back to where he came from.

“It’s fine.” You didn’t care. Or rather, you were dealing with the frustration of being unable to sleep that Mingi seeing your face was the least of your problems. Especially since he has seen your face before.

“Y-You sure?”

“Yeah. What are you doing up? Can’t sleep?” You asked, taking your previous position on the counter, leaning on your elbows. Mingi chuckled when he saw you drinking San’s chocolate milk. He nodded in reply to your question, sliding onto the bar stool across you. You turned to the fridge to get him a drink. He took one of Wooyoung’s strawberry juices.

“What about you? Can’t sleep too?” Mingi asked back. He was trying his best to keep this conversation normal and not as if you were openly revealing your face to him.

“Mhmm, I think it’s an unfamiliar surrounding... Or maybe I just have a lot on my mind.” You shrugged.

“Want to move to the terrace to sit? Just like our late night coffee runs.” Mingi suggested. You liked the sound of that, so you agreed.

“Careful.” Mingi brushed the seat before you sat down. It was dark so your face was more hidden but Mingi thought it would make you more comfortable around him, knowing that he couldn’t really see you.

“Is it the work that’s bothering you?” Mingi asked. You hummed in contemplation for a while.

“No. I think work is the only thing that’s keeping me going now. And being with you guys just makes work that much more enjoyable.” You replied.

“What about family?” You really paused at Mingi’s mention of family. How much were you willing to tell him now? Things that no one else has ever known before. Even the ‘friends’ you had, didn’t know about your family.

“I’ve not spoken to my parents in years. I don’t know where they are now, how they’re doing. And to be honest, I don’t even know if they’re alive.” You replied. Mingi thought for a while on how to proceed, mentally scolding himself for touching such a sensitive subject.

“Sorry, that was cruel of me to say.” You corrected.

“No, it’s okay. I shouldn’t have just asked so casually.” Mingi shook his head. You looked at him, letting out a soft chuckle.

“Why not? It’s normal to, right? My parents were just never around. I started working underground and producing very young, would sneak out to work and earn money. Once I was old enough, packed up and left.” You explained.

“Is that why you keep your identity a secret?”

“Yeah, that’s part of the reason. I wasn’t supposed to be working so everything had to be a secret.” You said.

“Must have been hard...” Mingi couldn’t imagine, a younger you, being alone and having to work in such a harsh, critical industry.

“But it made me the person I am today, which I am grateful for. I gained a lot of independence and my love for music hasn’t died. It only grows stronger.” You smiled with a giggle.

“My parents let me join a dance academy because I loved to dance. That’s where I met Yunho. But sometimes I wonder if they regret letting me join it since I decided to become an idol.” Mingi confessed.

“Why?”

“Besides my members, my parents are the ones who saw all the hardships I’ve gone through and am still currently going through as an idol. My mum was saying the other day that maybe I wouldn’t suffer so much if I hadn’t become an idol. But I guess the reality is that every career, every life has it’s own share of harships.” Mingi shrugged.

“I agree, there’s no life without hardships. But parents feel the... need? The purpose... To protect their children from as much hardship as possible.” You tried to reason.

“What about Dean sunbaenim?” Mingi asked.

“Oh, he’s just a friend. Honestly, Hongjoong and Seonghwa are more of my parents than my real parents, or older brothers. Hyuk and I are friends but he doesn’t know much about me, personally.” You explained.

“I don’t mean anything insulting when I ask this or rather, I don’t know how to ask this but... doesn’t it get lonely?”

“After so long, I think I’ve internalised it. I throw myself into work.” You said.

“But not having someone to talk to or share your bad days with... It takes a toll on someone... I can’t imagine having to just always keep it in...” Mingi frowned. You turned to him, eyes widening.

“Why are you crying?” You asked softly, reaching out to cup his cheeks and wipe his tears.

“Ah, I don’t know! Sorry.” He pulled back in embarrassment. He turned away and wiped his face with the sleeves of his sweater.

“It’s okay. I think Ateez has helped me be more open with my emotions. I’m learning to depend on people, thanks to you guys. So I don’t have to keep everything in anymore when I have all of you.” You smiled crookedly. Mingi laughed through his crying.

“Mings, don’t cry! Really, my life isn’t that tragic.” You slapped his arm. Reaching over, you hugged him tightly. Mingi slowly put his arms around your waist to hug you back, his actions full of hesitation.

Mingi felt you bunch the material of his sweater in your fists to keep yourself stable. You were trying not to let your emotions get the best of you.

“We should go to bed before Hongjoong kills us for being late.” You giggled. Mingi nodded but waited for you to break the hug first. You kept your smile but your eyes were glassy.

“Please don’t tell anyone I cried.” Mingi chuckled, trying to make the atmosphere more lighthearted.

“Whatever we share here is always a secret, right?” You nudged him. He nodded, knowing you were referring to you revealing your face to him.

“Let’s go.” You grabbed your empty milk container and threw it away.

“Goodnight, Mings.”

“Goodnight, Indigo.” He smiled softly, watching you disappear into your room before going to his. As he quietly slipped into his shared bed with Yunho, Mingi felt a warmth in his chest. For some reason, he found it a lot easier to fall asleep than at the start of the night. His mind was at ease and his heart wasn’t racing, he felt relaxed.

Series Masterlist

138 notes · View notes

tf-cyberaligned · 1 year

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The Protectobots

The Protectobots founded the Rescue Academy and Rescue City. The gestalt all had a base coding for rescue work, with sub coding for positions such as fire rescue, medical, scouting, and enforcement.

Hotspot is their leader, and the oldest. He leads his teams by word and deed. He is a very enthusiastic and energetic leader, sometimes tiring out his siblings. His leadership keeps his team out of harm's way, ensuring that their time in battle or rescues are swift and without complications. His fighting style is considered to be brash, being more of a hand to hand combat guy. However he does have the ability to mix acid with his water-lines, and he owns twin fireball rifles. When him and his siblings combine, he forms the torso and head of Defensor.

Blades is the youngest, but the most experienced fighter of the group. He is fiercely protective of his gestalt, which sometimes scares his fellow Autobots whenever he is pissed. Many mistake his protective nature for being arrogant and unhinged. He supplies air support for his siblings, while also being able to take over some medical rescues in the case that First Aid is busy. His fighting style is very gruesome, whether using his own rotor blades are swords, or using his twin energon pistols, he is a force to be feared by both sides. Several Decepticons who had the misfortune of fighting him have nicknamed him the "Angel of Death." He forms the right hand of Defensor.

First Aid is the resident medic of the team. She is a very timid mech on a normal day, but in the middle of a fight or rescue she can be the most level headed mech there. She is very empathetic, considerate, and kind. Her compassion knows no ends and she will work relentlessly to fix anyone and anything, from broken down tech to Decepticons. She served as an apprentice to Ratchet, having grown close to the old medic to consider him a honorary brother. Her beliefs are rooted more in pacifism, but if anything or anyone threatens her gestalt or the academy, she will not hesitate to stand up and defend those she loves. She has a forcefield just like the gestalt, but hers is able to extend further and take more hits. She forms the left arm of Defensor.

Groove is the scout of the team. She is a free spirited bot, and times before the war she was known to go off on adventures by herself for days on end. She loved her gestalt, but sometimes the long drives are needed for her sanity. She is a true pacifist at spark, she hates the violence of war but has no way to avoid it. The threat the Decepticons have on the academy puts her into a moral struggle, where she wants to protect but without violence. Her weapons are considered to be more pacifist, temporarily stunning the enemy instead of killing. She forms the right leg of Defensor.

Streetwise is the interceptor of the team. He follows his logic, but is led by his spark. He is the smartest mech in the gestalt, and is able to track down any mech, using his processor and speed to outsmart anyone. His weapon arsenal is a combination of long range and short range weapons. He owns twin tonfas, alongside his favorite smoke grenades and explosives. He is often underestimated by the enemy, only to flip that mechs world upside down when he ends the fight. He forms the left leg of Defensor.

Designs

Plus their holoforms

The team originally wanted to keep Rescue City as a true neutral in the war, with their teams and recruits helping Autobots and Decepticons alike. But after Megatron deemed them an enemy due to them helping the Autobots, the Protectobots joined the war on the Autobot side. They kept the academy neutral, while becoming the city's sole protector.

Their fall during their battle with Devastator at Tagan Heights left Rescue City without protection. In the Vorns following the fall Megatron called for the destruction of the city and its inhabitants, leading to the Rescue Bot Massacre.

Unknown to them at the time however, a Sigma ship was in deep space, its crew in stasis.

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clumsiestgiantess · 10 months

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My main 3 alien species (not to scale)

lore & stuff below cut

Ketera:

A ground-dwelling species that lives deep under the terrain of a frozen planet not too far from Earth. They are a billion year old species that hasn’t changed much since the planet first showed signs of life. The only thing that’s dramatically changed is they’ve gotten bigger. (Like from a few inches tall to a few feet tall) Despite their small size, they’ve mastered a technology that allows them to shrink/grow virtually anything. And have highly advanced technology due to the abundance of raw ores and energy they’ve harnessed from natural formations deep near the planet’s core.

DNAlien:

DNAlien Biology/History

I don’t have an official species name for them, but I call them DNAliens because their kind can collect up to three different types of DNA in their system at a given time. This includes their own species’ DNA; however, they can flush their system and revert back to their original form at any time. Because of this ability, they have an extremely wide range of appearances and physical features. The only limitation to their appearance is natural order (they need organs and stuff to survive, limbs have to make sense/be functional, etc). Mutations are formed logically by the body over a morphing process that can take up to 24 hours depending on how different the DNA is from the pre-existing strands. The morph can’t be controlled, but it can be reset and re-tried until a liked sequence is found.

When they’re first born, they all look identical. Their original form is about 15 feet tall, but height (like everything else) varies drastically with the mutations they pick up. DNA is replicated chronologically after three different strands, with the oldest being replaced by the newest. They can live for eons in good health and reproduce asexually.

Originally, they came from one planet with a limited variety of life forms. There were only around 7-8 species other than themselves. The DNAliens acted similar to humans as the most intelligent species. Different races formed from groups aligning with different creatures by DNA like spirit animals, each group inhabiting a different part of the planet. Over time, their genes naturally evolved to have the traits of the animals they honored.

As the population grew, and territories expanded, the races began fighting, not just over territory, but over ideals and other matters. A world war eventually broke out. Entire races went extinct, and the planet was slowly destroyed. All the DNAlien groups were hellbent on taking out the others. With the invention of the nuclear bomb, the world was wiped entirely of life. The only survivors were a group of a single race who had been on a spacecraft during the nuclear fallout. These few survivors are the ancestors of the entire DNAlien species today.

Inbreeding between the few DNAliens left on the ship caused strange mutations in the following generations. From then on, each family gained unique abilities to their lineage. These abilities range from simple ones like growing an extra set of limbs, to near impossible ones like transcending dimensions. Over millions of years of evolution, abilities have become more common and even have superstitions around them. Some DNAliens believe abilities determine personality or even their future, like zodiac signs.

Through scavenging from other spacecraft like pirates, and creating alliances with other beings, the DNAlien crew was able to expand their ship along with their population, no longer having a home planet to live on. Today the ship has grown to the size of a large planet, and it's known as FirstHome. FirstHome is the DNAliens’ new planet. With the luxury of a comfortable home, rules were established to ensure nothing like the total destruction of their past could happen again. The species makes it their goal to acquire knowledge from everywhere and of everything in order to preserve it, keeping it from becoming lost no matter what happens to the actual things they study, like their own way of life and ecosystem was lost to them.

To ensure no more fighting, the DNAliens made laws illegal. There are strict regulations to follow on FirstHome to protect their goal of keeping knowledge secure, but outside of FirstHome, you can do whatever you want. The DNAliens can go wherever they choose to due to most of the population having access to spacecraft like a common vehicle. They can travel almost anywhere with their own technology: blackhole propulsion.

FirstHome becomes a center for knowledge. The main planet is one large building of laboratories and machinery that processes the information taken from studies and turns it into texts. The many ‘moons’ of FirstHome (which are really just smaller ships that orbit the larger ones) serve various other purposes. There’s a food court moon, a retirement home moon, a gaming center moon, and the biggest moon: the Library. The Library is where the texts on all their knowledge are stored. Today many other alien species donate their written knowledge as well, and the Library has been officially declared an inter-planetary domain, meaning it belongs to all species and anyone can enter and read the billions of texts there.

With their wide reach of travel, several trade stations have been set up in more populated areas. These stations are mixtures of hotels, gas stations, and bazaars. Masters of all trades come to these places to perfect their craft using materials traded in from nearby planets. They can then sell them for a profit. Merchants can also hire scavengers to collect any needed materials from nearby planets in turn for a cut of the merchant’s pay.

Relations

(Genetic) Family units are generally less important than humans’ are. Children are sent off the moment they are old enough to survive, and are seen as an optional responsibility, and not as ‘family’. Since most reproduce asexually, a parent will often enlist the help of one to two others to help teach and raise their offspring. Direct bloodlines can be detected via scent. When children are born on FirstHome, they remain as their original form. If they’re born on another planet, it’s customary to have them choose another species to take DNA from (mostly because without the mutation, they won’t be able to survive on other planets).

Children are raised very differently depending on the parent/parents who raise them, and what they deem necessary to teach a child before sending them off. Scientists on FirstHome often teach academics and the arts. Merchants often teach their craft to their child like an apprentice. Scavengers often teach their children the geography of their worlds as well as street smarts and fighting techniques. Pioneers (those who decide to live their lives on other worlds) often teach their children a mixture of the other things, as well as the DNAliens’ history on that world.

(Other) DNAliens have several different meanings of the human ‘love’. Affection - A friendly kind of love similar to passive friendship. (Like hanging out with them, but wouldn’t want to live with them) Reverence - A love of admiration and respect. (Willing to learn from them and live with them) Passion - The closest thing to romantic love the DNAliens have. (Anything can happen, but you’re happy as long as you’re with them)

Generally, those who come together to asexually create and raise offspring as Passion lovers reproduce a child at the same time and raise them together. Those who come together as Reverence lovers often vote one DNAlien as the child-barer and raise them either together or separately at different times.

Arborean:

A creature evolved from primates with two sets of arms, similar to humans from another planet. After the colonization of their home world by an off-world invasive species, they evolved to become smarter but lost the ability to climb through trees due to deforestation. They now move around like a human centaur. They have one set of hands (forelimbs), one set of legs (hindlimbs), and one set of limbs between them that can act as both (midlimbs). They were recognized as knowledgeably sentient and given some rights by those who colonized their planet, who offered them ships and the opportunity to go off to another planet instead. (it wasn’t the best deal, they were still being kicked out, but it’s better than being wiped out instead)

#the middle one is the DNAilen base form #dnaliens universe #is this g/t?#Ketera average size: 4 feet #DNAlien average size: 15 feet #Arborean average size: 23 feet #ehh I’d say it is #g/t #giant tiny

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shslmahoushoujo · 1 year

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Sometimes I just think about the separate generations of Sternritter and how the girls of the crew might actually be among the few as young as they look.

Because we have a pretty clear split: We know Robert calls them newcomers that don't know how terrifying really Yhwach is, we have Bazz-B and Jugram's flashback showing us things before the war against Soul Society and the formation of the Sternritter when Yhwach still looked like Old Man Zangetsu, so on and so forth.

And then we have Loyd and Royd being shown born in a modern hospital, as well as As Nodt being treated in one when Yhwach approached him. Logically, that'd have been 9 years before the start of the series, after the Auswhalen that kicked everything off, the point where he'd have regained his mind.

So with that in mind, we have Bambietta, Candice, Giselle, Liltotto, and Meninas as newcomers who probably were recruited only in the last 9 years. And they don't look exactly old. With how schrifts are based on character history (the aforementioned flashbacks make it clear where The Heat, The Balance, and The Yourself, and The Fear would come from) I'd argue Liltotto might be the oldest of them due to her general demeanor, and her small stature could be relating to how The Glutton is her schrift, and even then I struggle to see someone much older than 20 there.

Either way, I can't help but to see them as a bunch of teenagers/young adults who've grown up used to such sadism and violence around them, and are still a friend group albeit one that's not exactly healthy nor functional due to their circumstances. You even see it in their reasons to fight: Unlike the fanaticism around them, they generally act in a more selfish, childish way when they're not just going along with the war because it's what's happening. Bambietta and Candice basically throw tantrums; Giselle kinda just tags along and keeps the group from being more than mostly dead; Meninas thinks of luxury when Candice brings up the idea of Yhwach giving them anything they'd wish if they kill Ichigo; Liltotto just thinks about food in that moment and is only truly proactive outside that when Pepe turns them against each other, Yhwach betrays them, and to rescue Meninas and Candice in CFYOW (note how she's proactive when the group is hurt). In a group as toxic as the Sternritter where we don't see many real friendships or bonds, and where fanaticism over Yhwach's cause is all over the place, they stand out.

Which is why I'm so glad they're the Sternritter survivors and that they get a shot at a normal life after, it strikes me as a first for them and they have a real chance to grow and learn still. They have each other, and a whole life ahead of them, and I hope they use it. And Liltotto can see the world Gremmy could never see outside of his imagination for good measure.

#tara says stuff #bleach #femritter #sternritter #bleach meta #I guess?#I just wanted to say what was in my brain #I love the Sternritter girls and my current hyperfixation has me thinking about them a lot #please anime give me a lot more of them #and adapt CFYOW too in some form I want to see them at their best

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areyoudoingthis · 11 months

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i understand where the anger at izzy's still coming from, but I also think what's happening is that we built a lot of expectations around him, and in the end the way the show decided to deal with him was a lot simpler and, i think, a lot more meaningful and true to the overall themes of ofmd. on the one hand, this season has been chiefly about the effects stede's "kill them with kindness" people positive management style has had in the world even in his absence (i'm writing another meta about that because it's giving me the worst brain worms) and, on the other hand, the show also went "it's not that deep" (at least where the crew's concerned.)

yes izzy sold them out to the british, but the crew didn't really experience any negative consequences from that, they were allowed to stay on the ship and go back to life as usual. and they were fine for a bit after ed came back (until izzy committed his most recent hate crime, but that was between him and ed, and it'll have to be resolved between him and ed.) he was a shit captain and they mutinied, but that's over, he doesn't have that kind of power over them anymore, and he's now broken and pathetic instead. kraken ed was their captain for longer, and in their own experience they suffered more under him, and the consequences of that time are far more fresh in their memories (i'm not saying ed was worse, just that their time with him impacted them more, because ed's self destruction was much more raw and intense and harder to process than izzy's simple and absurd brand of despotism.)

so i get why the crew needed some time away from ed while they sorted themselves out, and I also get why they banded together to help izzy. this is a group of people that's been through hell but still remembers the days when things were better, and they associate those days with stede and his ways. of course they chose to be kind. izzy was frankly pathetic, drunk and crying and clearly still unwilling to live, finally experiencing the consequences of his own actions and suffering as others have suffered from them before. and the crew took pity on him and made him a new leg, which also served as a way of bonding among themselves and working through their own trauma. they chose to follow the stede bonnet way and kill them with kindness. and for the first time in the entire show, izzy accepted a gesture of kindness with genuine emotional openness. he cried when he read the note. he put on the leg and cleaned himself up and decided to accept the place he was offered among the crew. he whittled a shark and gifted it to lucius because he was having a hard time, and he used the wildest most fucked up logic to give what was actually good advice: deal with this and move on because if you stay stuck it will destroy you. he knows all about choosing to stay stuck in fucked up situations and being destroyed.

meanwhile ed went on his own journey of self discovery and healing with stede, who of course was always going to be the person to be there for him, but also, in what was an incredibly heartwarming moment, with fang, who other than izzy is his oldest crew member and the person who's known him the longest. and ed also got kindness and emotional honesty and forgiveness from the people that matter. I'm sure he'll keep bonding with the rest of the crew in the future, since most of them have forgiven him and he's so, so eager to heal and connect with others.

does izzy still have shit to apologize for? sure, and i feel like down the line he and ed are gonna talk and figure out whatever still can be figured out. but i think as far as the crew's concerned, he's a sad little gremlin they took pity on, and as long as he stays in line they're okay with having a pet onboard from now on

#maybe he'll even catch the rats #i keep saying at every turn he's just not that important!!!!#and now they've literally dubbed him ship creature #stede won so so so so hard with this one #imagine the worst person you've ever met finally ends up acknowledging that you were right all along and they were wrong #i love that for him #ofmd spoilers #alex watches ofmd

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zaynes-ocs · 7 months

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Just thinkin about the Bandmates crew again and realizing that idk if I’ve actually fully stated who they are in relevance to being an actual band!

So, each of them is inspired by a different genre of music I listen to, though its pretty broad even when I try and narrow it down a bit, and a few of them are furry ocs I’ve had forEVER that have finally found a story to kinda be slotted into.

Anyways, the main concept of the band is that they are rhe band that plays the music during my mental animatics for other ocs when I zone out, somwtimes even just doing concert animatics themselves when a somg doesnt go to a particular oc, and sometimes, they get special guest preformances from my other ocs! (Namely Xadian). All in all, they’re a very comedic, rag tag, 4th wall breaking set, and this is a little bit of who they are and their roles (color coded for fun)

Dusty “Riot” the Hyena: (he/him) hes the oldest oc of the bunch and has gone through many design changes, but has always been generally rock inspired, namely bands like hollywood undead, fall out boy, and other classic middle school emo rock kinda stuff. Hes the lead singer/main guitarist of the band, but he also plays drums for when its Dimitri’s turn to sing! He’s kind of an awkward, golden retriever type of guy offstage, absolute sweetheart and a total klutz, but he always means well! Hes also a huge nerd and takes the most after myself.

Cherri the scarlet fox: (she/her) shes only a little younger than Riot, and just as loud and peppy! She’s his adoptive sister figure of sorts, more in a childhood friends to besties kinda way and shes more inspired by the pop songs and female vocals in my playlists like Kesha, marina and the diamonds and so on. Shes got a loud, party girl personality and is the worst/best driver of the group (thats up for debate. She hasnt wrecked, yet, but also dont have open drinks if you’re riding with her and use the oh shit handle generously). Shes very blunt and rude about things sometimes, but she means well. If you need to find someone to go wreck a rage room, shees your gal.

N3XU5 alpha: (he/it/they) the first half of N3XU5 prime, hes more the cold, calculating logic behind the band, a mechanical dragon and inspired by a lot of darker techno music and hardstyle edm, bands ranging from Daft Punk to Coone to Chonny Jash, it mans the synthesizer and blasts all sorts of beats from their mechanical jaw, lights on their neck acting as soundbars. He’s kind of the “oldest sibling” type of guy and is honestly the only thing holding the band accountable for anything. It keeps up the matienence of the band’s gear and makes sure everyone arrives on time to practice, though hes not the best at talking to the fans and can come off quite intimidating

N3XU5 beta: (she/they) the other half of N3XU5 prime, she’s the bubbly and eccentric robotic dragon, more steampunk inspired than their silvery twin and much more on the fem presenting side. She does the higher pitched electronic vocals and is inspired by a lot of classic mechanical singing like vocaloid and nightcore and shes just very generally pinkie pie coded. They play the keyboard and always have such a great time just hanging out with her friends at practice! While their brother is more scientific and logical, she is more spiritual and curious and seeks to understand what humans believe about the world rather than what their AI tells them is fact about the world. Shes always eager to learn new things and can fuse together with their bother to make the dual headed drake “N3XU5 Prime”.

Dimitri: (they/them) they’re the cool, calm skaterboy/anarchist of the group. Inspired mostly by metal vocals from 5 finger death punch and a lot of the rough, snarling growls in some music, they’re a dragon who gives zero shits about the world. First and foremost, they’re the band’s drummer, but in their spare time, they’re an avid graffiti artist and arsonist, often setting bonfires in less than safe areas. They like to skateboard at an abandoned skatepark they’ve made their home, and are always down to party with Cherri and Riot when asked, but even better if you can offer up some chaos

#ocs #my ocs #oc #bandmates dating sim #Bandmates #i love these guys they rot in my head rent free

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delta-queerdrant · 1 year

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pedagogy of the repressed (Learning Curve, s1 e16)

The kindest thing I can say about "Learning Curve" is that it wasn't meant to be a season finale. For better or worse, that honor was intended for "The 37s," with additional Season 2 episodes aired between. I find this episode so incoherent as a climax to the first season that I considered reviewing them in filming order, before rejecting the idea as deranged.

On the whole I really like Tuvok as a character. As the oldest officer on board, he brings experience and depth of memory to his interactions, and while his Vulcan persona is familiar and by-the-book, Tim Russ's performance makes it feel fully realized (with perhaps an edge of charm).

I guess making Tuvok a piece of shit authoritarian is part of the specificity of his character, even if flexing your power over your students isn't terribly logical. But by making his bad teaching methods representative of the Starfleet ethos, there's only one possible conclusion, and it's nothing the show wants to face: Starfleet sucks.

The episode begins with a brief Janeway holonovel scene. It is inane. Why would anyone want to LARP being a governess? The obnoxious children make their appearance, but soon the whole exercise is happily interrupted.

A cohort of underperforming former Maquis is assigned to "field training." Let's remember, these folks never consented to work on this ship; their only obligation is to Chakotay as their former captain. After they walk out of training (a labor action if I ever saw one), Tuvok's next move is the enforcement of the Starfleet dress code. I was MAD when Gerron has to remove his Bajoran earring - so much is made of Ro Laren's earring in TNG, but here it's a passing moment of forced cultural assimilation that goes unchecked.

The episode wholly accepts that the view that these Maquis crew are undisciplined, lazy, and just can't cope with the rigors of Starfleet service. That their lives are anarchic-in-a-bad-way is underscored by Chakotay throwing a punch to put Dalby in his place - that's "the Maquis way," apparently! To which I say, really? Listen, I don't know the first thing about guerrilla fighters, I'm sure things get colorful between weapons drills and political philosophy debates, but wouldn't a large, sustained insurgency have methods for self-organization that don't involve frequent acts of violence?

Tuvok's training devolves into an episode of "The Biggest Loser," characterized by tough love and long-distance jogging. When his approach fails, an apt metaphor from Neelix makes him realize that he needs to build a relationship with his students, but it's too late. Only a crisis in the last act, in which Tuvok bend the rules, causes the Maquis to realize that they're willing to change as well(??)

It's just the stupidest ending - Tuvok and his students never demonstrate an ability to work well together, and Starfleet methods are never vindicated. In fact, nothing has changed by the end of this episode, as Tuvok has already showcased an ability to break rules in "Prime Factors." The episode's failure, in my mind, speaks to the failure of the show as a whole to tackle the Maquis/Starfleet conflict. After all, to deliver on its own premise would mean to complicate its belief in Starfleet heroism, and this show is too damn conservative to attempt it.

The only saving grace of this one is the cheese subplot, which is actually a hoot. There is no scientific mystery too ridiculous for this show, and I think that's wonderful.

I laughed out loud: "To discuss the patient's condition in front of the patient would be a serious breach of professional etiquette. It's been suggested that I cultivate a greater sensitivity to my patient's needs. Don't worry, my little friend."

Like a fermentation gone wrong, this one stunk. 1.5/5 infected alien cheeses.

#star trek #star trek voyager #tuvok #get the cheese to sickbay

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odissean · 2 months

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I do wonder what the default should be for Maedi's BG3 verse. If the choice was entirely in her hands and no one else was influencing her, what decisions would she make? The sticky part is the mutiny isn't just a mutiny to her. I've mentioned how deeply attached to the Odussomai she is, seeing it as an extension of herself, and how this is one of her flawed coping mechanisms. There's an additional layer to that, though, attached to how the Odussomai got lost. They were fighting a losing battle after a strategy she proposed failed. One of the first casualties was her oldest, dearest friend and fleet admiral who'd thrown his unwavering support behind her. She ordered her people to retreat, but the Odussomai's systems were damaged and the resulting malfunction shot them into unknown space. In her DND / BG3 verse, this is the Astral Sea.

She is, in some ways, trapped in that moment. It's not just about getting home. It's about knowing that home is in danger. It's a nightmare where you can hear your family screaming as they're attacked, but no matter how hard you run, you can't get any closer to them. If it was only about getting herself and her crew home, sure she could take another ship. It would hurt to abandon the Odussomai, but she could do it. But, it's specifically about getting back to the battle and the war. Back to her fleet and her family. Who don't just need Maedi but the admiral she is, not just her crew but the sailors they are, not just her ship but the punch it packs. Leaving behind or altering the Odussomai is like surrendering or hindering their chances at victory when they're needed most. No, her logic in this matter isn't sound, but these are feelings born of trauma.

Which means that the mutiny has the same effect in her mind as if her crew had fired on Aaneach itself. It doesn't help that in most verses they mutiny after learning their home has been conquered / they lost the war. That doesn't apply to DND / BG3, but still that doesn't lessen the effect of their attempt to trade the Odussomai for another ship. She cared about her crew. She trusted them completely. She would have given them no cause for mutiny under different circumstances. But, when I think of the cumulative effect of what she's endured and how far she's fallen in her attempts to get home . . .

I think she's torn. One part of her wants to liquidate her former first officer in their pod, and the other wants to save them at all costs. Her decision is to speak with them. There's tension, but . . . I think the ex-first officer asks Maedi to save them. There's a moment where it seems like she won't, but she turns around and sets them free. Then stalks further into the colony to continue their mission, back turned and no acknowledgement of them.

The fight back at Moonrise afterward is. nasty. As one might expect. There was a time the two of them would've trusted each other's counsel above all others', but now it's like shouting at a brick wall. I think any sort of reconnection would require a third party who's removed from everything they've been through and can offer a new perspective. Someone who can see the middle ground they can't. Without that? The two part in anger.

Which means Maedi still doesn't know spelljamming and is still obsessed with repairing the Odussomai. She effectively ends the game in the same circumstance she started it. Sure, she perhaps has access to more opportunities due to her role in saving the city, but nothing has really changed for her. And, that's . . . yeah. That's par for the course. Running and running and running yet getting nowhere. She HAS to confront at least some of her coping mechanisms. She HAS to make a compromise if not a change. She will never get home until she does. The problem is she is trying to stay who she was and keep the Odussomai as it was as if she can freeze the moment in time when they were lost. As if they can simply return to Aaneachan space and find everything waiting. But, everything has changed — Maedi, her ship, her home. She can't make it back to where she began because it doesn't exist anymore. She is preventing herself from moving forward.

#META / HC: PRIMARY.#META / HC: DND.#META / HC: BG3.#she needs healthier coping mechanisms #EDIT: in her DND verse it doesn't help that there's no time in the Astral Sea #like of course it seems as if they can just go back to the moment when they got lost and save the day #they're not aging and neither is the ship #but that's only true in the Astral Sea. time still passes on Aaneach

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restless-soulz · 5 months

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original story ideas that I’ll probably never write pt 4?

Tell me a story. Two girls with opposite lives tell their stories at an abandoned bus stop. They tell their ancestors histories, where they are now, and give each other comfort. Never meet again.

NEW STORY:

A protagonist that can see people destinies like an oracle, but decides to not be a priestess and to be an adventurer instead. Or, maybe she’s training for a priestess job but she keeps leading rebellions and being a hero and eventually they just kick her out because she’s clearly not happy being a priestess.

NEW STORY:

A girl goes back in time after trying over and over to prevent a tragedy.

NEW STORY:

Modern wizards, and creatures, and a girl who goes to a boarding school where everything is about prestige and honor and she’s doing street performances for the kids in the town over, her whole Schtick is knowing more than the old farts because she learned on the streets, and has friends and family that all have different spells and magic workings.

NEW STORY:

Zodiac Academy where characters star signs(sun.moon,rising) have to agree to bless them by sending her to the Starlight Academy in her sleep. The kicker is, she think it’s a dream until odd things start happening in real life and keeps meeting the people she finds in her dreams

NEW STORY:

Story about how your parents jobs determine what magic the oldest child has, so stay at home parents keep passing along the talents of cooking and baking well and other useful stuff in everyday life while people who do other things as well give talents to their kids.

Like it doesn't determine your career, only a proficiency in a certain magic. mine from dad could include bone magic which is a healing/necromancy/earth magic, and from mom could be music magic, and from both would be cooking/baking/dieting/body magic. I can still grow and develop more types of magic, it's that those come easier.

Younger siblings could also inherit a proficiency, but it's most prominent in firstborns. K would have athletic magic and social/music magic from both, possibly earth magic. S would have more water/music magic, with aware magic, more telekinesis and mental magic. D would also have physical magic, he's still growing what he likes, but he likes illusions to be like anime. P and Z are still too little to know what they like.

NEW STORY:

Band kids are more army, brute force, physical labor kind of people

Orchestra kids are more navy or air force, strategists, and more spiritual, logical

Choir kids are more CIA, spies, entertainers, everything else, very emotional

This story has to do with what instrument you play. All magic is music, but your specialty lies with what kind of instrument you play, and your instrument determines what types of jobs might be better for you. Most people drop their music before going into their final year of high school or reading the highest class, but people who reach the highest class learn about the world of music magic. School songs are specially done so not much magic is present, and any special effects are thanks to any crew members.

The genre of music has specific jobs. Like jazz and fiddle are both very physical, spiritual and emotional. Jazz does more with emotions, illusions and ghosts because that’s kinds the scene it was created in, so it’s more necromancy. Fiddling is more of exorcist group, they deal with demons and other dark creatures. Classical/Romantic can be illusions, but usually it’s more elemental and emotional. Contemporary stuff that can be divided into stuff like nursery rhymes, pop music, rap, that’s all a type of music that has its own subtle effects. Fidddling will be the focus, since not many people do it. Thought of as a joke. Story of Gwen and Morana here.

#original writing #storybook dreams #dream writing #orginal character #writing prompt

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limoteethw · 1 year

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Jacksonville Jaguars Christmas Ugly Xmas Sweater

Only three of the 2957 Plymouth dealers in 1999 were not also Chrysler dealers, so very few dealers were impacted by the decision to streamline the Jacksonville Jaguars Christmas Ugly Xmas Sweater. And many of these 2957 also sold Dodge, so they could easily show the Dodge versions to interested buyers who did not want the Chrysler trim levels. When Mercedes evaluated Chrysler after the acquisition in 1998, the Plymouth brand was a logical sacrifice to save money and give the remaining brands unique attraction. Unit sales had been low for over a decade, less than half the equivalent Dodge model volumes, and the corporate executives calculated some level of network efficiencies to be had from canceling the Plymouth brand and streamlining the portfolios. After a year of internal discussions, the decision to end Plymouth was announced in November 1999. The last Plymouth brand Neon vehicles were produced in June 2001. The remaining brands had distinctive positions: Dodge (standard, performance), Jeep (SUV, fun), Chrysler (American luxury), and Mercedes (specialized European luxury), plus the super-luxury Maybach brand.

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When I was quite small, my family were Jehovah’s Witnesses. My big brothers remembered their Catholic beginnings, they remembered magical Christmases. My little brother and I did not, we’d never been Catholic yet. We used to get very sad that all of our friends had lovely Christmas or Hanukkah, and we did not. We’d pout. My big brothers tried their best to console us. Our best friends lived across the 2023 Postseason Philadelphia Phillies Take October Signatures Shirt . Their dad was not home much, but he was a very stern man. He had quite the temper (when we grew up, we realized that he was always drunk, but when we were small he was just scary). He had a Doberman called Rex who we were all also terrified of. One year, I’m probably four or five, we’re sitting in my brothers’ room wistfully staring out the window at our friends playing with their new toys, wearing their Christmas sweaters, all that. The oldest two brothers, maybe trying to console us, convince us that we do not want Christmas at all. They tell us that Scary Dad is Santa Claus. They tell us that Rex the

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Home Page: Limotees

Doberman is actually Rudolph. Would we really want Rex landing on our roof? Would we really want Scary Dad judging whether we were naughty or nice, and sneaking into our house while we slept?

Home Page: Limotees

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crossbackpoke-check · 2 years

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Dylan Larkin has become an Au Pair for the Summer.

is that not exactly what quinn’s summer insta post said?? “hanging out with the boys & our cool au pair”?? :))) the way i have a note from a MONTH AGO written on my phone that says

one of our swim instructors is so so good with kids and he’s the perfect victim for scenarios so basically everyone’s in love with him and what i’m SaYiNg is summertime melted ice cream sticky sunscreen pool au with WHO i have a craving

like are you in my notes app. have you got my google docs password. because besTIE!! you have given me a gift!!! dylan larkin babysitter extraordinaire that’s who.

mind is frantically brrring trying to decide if competent & capable au pair dylan falls in love with the DNR worker at the park he always takes the kids to OR with the hot father figure whose kids he takes care of,,, 🤪

#liv in the replies #should also mention i am absolutely obsessed with this steve/billy nanny/lifeguard fic which like. thanks i’ll take that in a baker’s dozen #and is the reason i have the craving in the first place besides the fact that everyone really is a little bit in love with this swim teacher #if you didn’t know the hot dad is henrik & i am incredibly tempted to completely ignore the canon in favor of a canon i can work with #which is henrik saying he’d be a billet dad to two (?) new rookies (y’know. mo played in rögle i can swing it also ray ray is swedish 👀)#and then completely not realizing how much help he would need to take care of the kids so he hires au pair dylan #who is working his way through college @ umich as an au pair (he can’t live in during the school year bc class but if it’s summer… live in)#yes the DNR worker is bert who else would it be i’m also stating for the record that there’s a bike park so bert can bandage the kids’ knees #it is incredibly tempting to keep dylan’s kids as the ragtag usntdp crew & have him travel around to different houses working himself #to the bone taking care of the kids until someone finally notices & takes care of HIM (am i projecting a little captaincy here absolutely)#dylan working an overnight shift babysitting quinn & jack & luke & he was up till three am bc jack was scared of the thunderstorm #& turning around to get cole ready to go to summer camp by 7 then picking up trevor after he drops cole off & taking him to the park (does #dyl nearly fall asleep & panic that he’s lost trevor?) dark circles under his eyes but he’s gotta do the work it’s fine he loves the kids #brain magnamoniously said ‘you could also have a dylan/zach pairing’ but declined to provide plot or context so just know that’s an option #dylan dealing with the hughes house shenanigans of all the kids’ parents go away on a trip & dyl spends a month out at the lake house w/them #while their parents are on a cruise & OH neighbor??? hot neighbor??? (hot neighbor can be a dilf OR a dick with a heart of gold) (either way #the kids help matchmake & i do keep saying kids with the implication that they’re de-aged a lil bit for logic purposes quinn can be ten he’s #the oldest and responsible & his little solemn face helping dylan make mac n cheese is priceless to me oh i love it so then age-wise…#jack is 9? zeegs is also 9 & so is cole luke is the baby he’s six & honestly that’s perf the boys are old enough they can do some things but #too young to be left on their own so actually i’ve fallen in love with this mo & lucas can be other kids on the lakeeeee they’re friends w/)#& the kids all get together & want to have play dates & spend time together so that’s how dyl gets to know the hot neighbor #still have not decided whomst i want if you’ve made it this far in the tags please weigh in there is the convincing argument of ray ray #imprinting like a lil duckling on bert during the season but also henrik wears cable knit sweaters & he’s a dilf & that’s the argument #fully also the valid option of t-rated babysitting shenanigans slice of life w/vague flirtations dyl’s milk shaking all the boys to the yard #have just considered. bert has a baby. i could give bert a baby in this. we’re not gonna DO IT but we all just know this right #he could have little pigtails that match his baby’s with scrunchies & i hate it here i’m making it UP it’s not real it can’t hurt me #also hope u all know z’s ass is getting roasted there WILL be a scene of them playing king of the hill on a big lake mat &mo destroys z ktfo #moritz seider may not be dylan’s child in this but he will most certainly be the author’s favorite child in this & you will be able to know #also sorry not sorry to be like this but au pairs getting monthly pocket money… come and show me how it’s done… 😵‍💫dylan sugar baby send twe #also also: dylan foreign exchange coming to live in sweden with henrik & being his au pair & henrik can still play hockey 😗 mo & lucas too

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pacinosgf · 2 years

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AN ARTIST IN EXILE: THE ODD HOPEFULNESS OF DELILAH LAWRENCE.

we spent a week visiting delilah lawrence's cottage daily, following her painting routine as she discussed her work.

It's been 45 years since Delilah Lawrence's debut work, Eraserhead, was released. At 24 years old, Lawrence wasn't afraid of displaying her talent and getting the message (the dangers of motherhood and a passionate hatred for industrial conglomerates) across, even if she had to it by herself: Lawrence is listed not only as the director, but also as writer, editor producer, designer, composer and head of art direction. "No one wanted to finance me. My oldest brother is listed as a producer because I had to ask him for money. As I had no help, I had to learn everything alone. Now I am thankful for the experience, though I feel that no aspiring artist should go through that."

Born in early 1953, Delilah Lawrence was raised in a middle-class black family. Her father worked for the government, which caused the family to move around constantly, living almost always next to mysterious and misty woods. She describes her childhood as a wonderful moment which she feels no nostalgia for. "Something weird was always happening at those woods. Me and my siblings used to challenge each other to go there and spend at least a minute alone before coming back. I was a very obedient child, so my parents freely talked about the things that happened there in front of me, sure that I wouldn't mind. That's where most of my inspiration for Twin Peaks came from, I think." Originally broadcasted in 1990, the TV show is her most commercialy famous work to the date.

She welcomes us into her house, a kind of cottage far from the civilization (the nearest house is 30 minutes away by car), on a Wednesday morning. It's barely 9 A.M. For someone that suffers from chronic insomnia, she is wide awake. It's an unusual day for her, and she adresses it right as everyone is properly seated. "I don't think any press has come here, even when I was working. Unfortunely for you, the living room is the only thing that you will see." Retired and living in a self-imposed exile since 2005, when she released her last movie, Paris, Texas, Lawrence has always been an introverted figure. Her life has been mostly adressed only in her works, and good luck trying to connect the pieces and understand what is fiction and what is not. In the universe created by Delilah, anything can be true, just as easily as anything can be a fabricated lie. Don't try to understand. Just appreciate it is a logic commonly linked to her work, and as well to her personal life. Let her be, and go along for the ride.

Originally a painter, Lawrence never planned to be a director. Even after so many film accolades, painting is still a habit that she holds close to her heart: the walls are full of abstract paintings, and through her movies you can spot some of her works. Her first serious experience with the art of filmmaking came from working as the head of the art design departament of indie movies in the 70s, when she decided that she could do more and become the one behind the cameras. She personally supervised the art and cinematography of all her movies.

The walls are filled not only with paintings, but portraits of family and long-time friends. Some are turned back to the wall (we will get more into that later), but she happily introduces us to some of the people exhibited there: the crew she works with since the 80s, beloved friends and relatives. Among the portraits we are allowed to see, a particular person is featured the most: the actress Amèlie Bergstein. They have been close friends since early 1978, when Delilah moved to New York to work as a crew member for big film studios, so she could pay back her brother for helping her with Eraserhead. At the time, Amèlie was only 19 and a rising star, acting primarly for television. "She was so young! She was forced to grow up too fast, but you could see how repressed she was. Later, after the first episode of Twin Peaks aired, she called me, like the big narcissistic she is, and said 'did you base Laura Palmer on me?' I said no to annoy her, it was just a deeply interesting coincidence. But maybe. I was always keeping an eye on her, out of fear."

It's no surprise that she uses elements from her personal life as inspiration for her art. Twin Peaks comes from a mix of her childhood fears and the concept of darkness within goodness, a common theme in her works. Eraserhead comes from a detachment from the tradicional mother role and an interest for horror movies. Mulholland Drive, her most controversial production, seems to come from her relationship with former lover and business partner, Vivian Scott, and the truth behind the world of appearances that is Hollywood.

Her break-up with the actress was difficult, highly publicized and, after almost two decades, remains a sensitive topic: as soon as we contacted her assistants, we were told that we were not allowed to ask about Vivian Scott. For a situation where she came out as a villan (it's rumored that the constant exposition of their relationship on movies was a major factor for the break-up), Lawrence seems to miss it, even after saying that she feels no nostalgia for her past. In every story she tells, there is a hidden she, someone who goes unnamed but she considers to be the true protagonist. Their story together may be finished by now, but Delilah delicately reminisces about it. Her mind is far away, remembering the old days, while her body is with us.

After the first day, she welcomes the team every morning with breakfast, no rush to start working. She talks about some of the renovations she did on the house in the last years (those include two new rooms for Amèlie Bergstein's twin daughters, whom Delilah claims as her nieces), asks about our lives, congratulates one of us for her engagement, gets thrilled when someone else ask about the production of her movies. She considers herself a film lover before being a filmmaker, and "loves talking about it with people who have no malice", on her own words. Her aversion to the film industry is recognized, and most of her work related to it now goes to the project she made to help young filmmakers. "Obviously there are directors that live extraordinarily, but I have no wish to be one of them. Besides making sure that my crew is doing fine and buying gifts to Audrey and Lizzie [Bergstein's twins], I don't really use my money. That must go to do something helpful." Besides financing young directors, she donates to projects related to pro LGBTQ rights, against famine and, unsurprisingly, people who suffer with chronic insomnia.

On the fifth day, she asked if she could take pictures of the team. While talking about the wonders of her little digital camera (a gift by a nephew), Delilah made sure to photograph and film all of us, grateful for leaving the spot of subject for a while and becoming once again the interviewer. "I see that people usually talk about my work on a very depressing tone, but I try to make clear my fascination for people's live and our existences, no matter in what conditions. Blue Velvet, Fallen Angels, Twin Peaks, may come off as a disdain for the future of humanity, but it's not my purpose. In the end of the day, I am, more than anything, a hopeful person, and an observer. While there's life, there's hope. [...]"

@materialgwrl

#delilah.#delilah & vivian.#amiga...#se eu falar que comecei a rabiscar este hoje de madrugada aleatoriamente completamente euforica numa festa #e fiquei tão animada que sonhei com isso #vc acredita??#enfim!!!!#apesar dos pesares loooove her #essa entrevista foi feita antes de toda a confusão nova...#mas calhou de liberarem logo no meio <3 that's how the industry is

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fae-fucker · 3 years

Text

Zenith: Chapter 76-79

Chapter 76

Andi has a nice little poetic nightmare. It’s irrelevant. The next morning has the girls preparing for the ball, complete with dresses and makeup.

Some things to note include Lira saying that in Adhiran religion (which is global, I guess), one has to mourn for three days before “letting” the souls of the dead pass on into ... everything.

Andi tries to say that it’ll take time to heal from it all, but Lira is having none of it.

“It will take time to move past what happened on Adhira,” Andi started, but Lira held up a hand.

“My three days of mourning have passed. Lon’s and my aunt’s, too. Now we, and the others who lost loved ones during the attack, must give the lost spirits to the stars, to the trees, to the wind.”

Which basically means that she’s done feeling bad about the unexpected and brutal attack on her home planet, so that’s convenient. Well, if one of our main characters doesn’t care about her people getting senselessly murdered, then why should we?

She also lets us know that her aunt has fixed up the Marauder and brought it here, because of course. Lira wants to arrange for Lon to be transferred to the Marauder, and though she has a logical reason for it (taking him home personally), it’s only a setup so we know why he’s on there at the end of the book when Andi’s bleeding out and needs a universal donor.

Spoilers, I guess.

Andi’s mother, Glorya, intercepts Andi as she tries to leave her crew to their makeover montages, just so we can move into a scene where her mom is brushing her hair and babbling on about gossip and vapid high society stuff.

But Andi, of course, gets lost in a flashback that’s so amateurishly written it’s honestly embarrassing and only highlights Shinsay’s helpless reliance on flashbacks as a storytelling device.

Observe:

Her words faded away as memories took their place. Andi lost herself to them.

The whole flashback is written in italics for some inexplicable reason, even though it would’ve been fine as just regular text since we’re clearly told what’s happening now and what’s a memory.

Also, there’s one bit where the memory “fast-forwards” to a different one. Shinsay, this isn’t a fucking movie. This isn’t a screenplay. What the fuck are you DOING.

The flashback and the mother’s inane babbling are all there to illustrate how vapid and brainless Glorya is and how she only ever cared about her status and not about her kid. Glorya pretends that everything is back to the way it was but Andi curses her out for abandoning her when she needed them most and how “the way it was” was actually always shit.

I mean it’s fine. It’s all right. I see what they’re going for, it’s melodramatic as all fuck but it works for what they’re trying to do? I can see this as being a realistic way for an emotionally neglectful family to look like. I wish it was more nuanced and wasn’t just shoe-horned in here (Glorya doesn’t show up before or after this bit, this is the only time she’s ever present or even mentioned in this book in any meaningful capacity) for the sake of making Andi’s friends look better and for her to not have anything that anchors her to Arcardius, but like, I won’t say this isn’t realistic.

And then Shinsay can’t stop themselves and it’s back to silly time:

“Really, Androma...”

[...]

“That is not my name,” Andi whispered. She allowed the darkness to come up into her voice, the mask of shadow and steel to sweep across her face. “My name is the Bloody Baroness. And if you or Commander Racella ever so much as utter a single word toward me or my crew again, I will personally strip the skin from your body and wave it like a flag from my starship.”

Glorya let out a soft squeak. Andi snarled with all of her teeth.

Guys I can’t breathe this is too fucking funny. And not in a good “woo vindication!” sort of way, but in a “they really put this right after an emotional confrontation about parental emotional neglect/abuse huh?” way. They really thought this was ... badass? Revenge? Andi, sweetie, you’re, like, traumatized? Presumably? I can’t really tell. But maybe get some therapy?

Do Shinsay think this is somehow a win and that Andi’s threat means she’s fully released from the hurt and pain her parents have caused her through their neglect? It’s honestly written as if Andi just confronted her mother and her own hopes of coming back to her family in this one short scene, and then upon realizing her parents never loved her, she scares her mom a little and then is all smug and satisfied at the end.

That ain’t how it works, darlings.

Then the annoying Marketable Space Pet runs in and starts biting Glorya’s toes and she runs away shrieking like a defeated Disney villain.

Way to undercut your own drama, Shinsay.

The chapter ends with Andi thinking about how her crew is her True Family for the bajillionth time. Because we’re all idiots and Shinsay wants us to remember that.

Chapter 77

It’s the evening of the ball and Andi thinks about how she missed Bavista, which is apparently your generic coming-of-age ball held at Arcardius for every 16-year-old. I’m guessing it’s a yearly thing? The book never clarifies. Not sure why the fuck it’s here tbh.

Actually, it’s a pretty good demonstration of how the worldbuilding in this book is presented so here, have at thee:

She could still remember seeing the otherworldly dresses and suits float by her on the feeds as she watched the girls and boys glide into the A’Vianna House in the Glass Sector. They seemed light as air, full of pride, bursting at the seams with excitement. Once inside, they would be greeted by members of the Priest Guild, who would award each young person three items.

The first was a vial of water from the Northern Ocean, symbolizing strength. For growth, they accepted a single leaf from the oldest tree on Arcardius, known as The Mother, which was said to have been planted when the Ancients first arrived. Lastly, they were given a single floating pebble, no larger than a child’s fingernail, chiseled from the very gravarock where the Cortas estate was. It represented the wisdom of rising above.

Is this relevant to anything? Does this help you understand this world or its inhabitants? Does it tell you anything of the culture of Arcardius or its youth and what’s expected of them? No? It’s just a really generic list of things thrown together using Mystical Proper Nouns as glue? Weeell heeell.

Also what does “it represented the wisdom of rising above” mean? This is utterly generic and means fuck-all, that’s what.

Anyway, Andi’s admiring herself in the mirror. Her dress is very sexy, trust me, I can’t be bothered to include it so just imagine your favorite My Immortal outfit description. It does include sword holsters at the back, which are Andi’s favorite part, because she’s a strong independent woman who don’t need no man. She never actually uses them or brings the swords to the ball so ... Idk what the point of this was.

We also get some shit about how Andi actually LOVES dresses and being pretty but she never admitted it to anyone. But don’t you worry, this badass space criminal LOVES all things girly, because that’s feminism! Can someone check in on Shinsay? I’m not sure they’re getting enough air with their heads so far up Sarah J Maas’ asshole.

Admitting to herself that she looked pretty was something Andi kept private. She didn’t want to give her crew the satisfaction of knowing her true thoughts about fashion. How even though she was a fierce, hardened criminal, she could still appreciate the joy of a beautiful, impractical ball gown.

Huh. And here I thought they were your family. That’s weird that you’d keep this information from them, especially considering all of them seemed pretty excited to be prettied up in the last chapter. I guess they’d really just haaate the idea of sharing this joy with their captain, huh? Why aren’t you admitting this to them, Andi?

You’re saying shit about how “even though” you’re a hardened criminal, you can “still” appreciate beautiful gowns, like those two are somehow contradictory. Are you, mayhaps, ashamed of having this traditionally girly interest? Hmm! Interesting. Why could that be, I wonder? Why would having traditionally feminine interests or even caring about one’s appearance be seen as something inherently shameful or embarrassing, as inherently contradictory to being fierce and “hardened?”

This is all just so *clenches fist* feminist.

Forreal though, somehow Shinsay managed to take their entire made up GALAXY and make it subtly and not-so-subtly sexist. Good job, morons. Really girlbossed that one, huh?

The only bit I like about this whole mess is this:

The dressmaker had also accented her gown with a sparkling necklace full of jewels that Andi didn’t plan on giving back.

This is the one and only space pirate-y thing Andi does -- sorry, considers doing -- in the whole book and honestly could’ve been used to build her character more, but it’s just a one-off joke here. Wasted.

Valen comes to fetch her and we get some subtle foreshadowing.

“Valen the Resurrected.”

He stopped to look at her, brows raised. “What?”

She shrugged. “It’s what the press is calling you in all the feeds.” Valen let out a deep chuckle.

[...]

“Something tells me things are about to change for the better,” he said. “I’m ready to see it all happen.”

Andi wondered what he would do now that he was home with a whole planet at his disposal.

He deserved to have some fun.

Is it bad that I’m rooting for Valen to destroy everything? And this isn’t my villain-fucker coming out, I just want this poor bastard to absolutely annihilate Andi and her gang of acolytes.

Chapter 78

Andi and Valen arrive at the ball. It’s all very pretty and space-y and aesthetic. There’s a bunch of aliens everywhere. Andi sees a woman with funky eyes and assumes it’s a body mod, because I guess she knows the genetic characteristics of every species by heart and can tell when something is real or not.

An old classmate of theirs comes up to talk to Valen and congratulate him on being alive, then Andi reminds him of who she is just to be a smug asshole and the guy fucks off in a panic. She’s just so cool and badass, you guys.

Then it’s time for Valen and Andi to dance, and of course General Cortas looks like he’s about to lose his marbles because these darn kids! >:(

The chapter ends on Andi noticing Dex pouting in the distance.

“Relax,” Andi whispered. “Let’s give them something to talk about.”

She flashed him a wicked grin as the music began.

And as Valen spun her into the first move of the dance, Andi saw Dex standing on the fringes of the crowd, an expression of longing clear on his face.

Chapter 79

This chapter is exactly 298 words of Dex moping around about how he’s actually not over Andi at all when he thought he’d done such a good job of repressing his feelings, and how he should be the one dancing with Andi instead of Valen. If you’re surprised, you’re clinically dead.

#eff reads: zenith

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siren1song · 4 years

Text

Tell Myself to Breathe

Summary: Virgil is so, so proud of his son, but Patton can’t seem to see what there is to be proud of. So he gives some advice from his own experiences.

Warnings: anxiety attacks, academic pressure, referenced bad parenting (past and only a brief mention)

Pairings: Implied romantic Anxceit, Familial Moxiety

Taglist: @acanvasofabillionsuns, @emo-disaster, @greenninjagal-blog, @jungle321jungle, @sleepy-sides, @gattonero17, @izzynuggets, @another-sandersidesblog, @strawberryjellystuff, @remusownsmyuwus, @logic-with-a-pinch-of-deceit, @demidork84, @gr3ml1n-loser, @main-chive, @kiribakuandcats, @firey-alex

Commissions!! | Buy me a Kofi!! | Join Casper’s Crew!!

The day had been productive. Virgil had cleaned up the living room, gotten dinner prepped to be started when Dee got home, got the chore calendar set up for when the twins got home from elementary school, and he even managed to finish a commission.

Now he was just waiting for his kids to get home, and then later his husband. There was about an hour left before his oldest finished his after school things, and Virgil was fully intending to spend that time taking a nap.

The door opening and then slamming closed two minutes later was not something he was expecting.

Virgil sat up on the couch, frowning in concern when he saw Patton leaning against the door a painfully neutral expression.

“Hey Pat, don’t you have a club meeting today?” he asked, wanting to get up and go to him but deciding to give him space if he needed it.

Patton tensed a little, and the smile he gave Virgil was so fake his heart ached in his chest.

“Yeah, I did but I got a little drained. Hard to garden when you’re exhausted, ya know?” he said.

The cheer in his voice was even more fake than his smile.

“Yeah, I get being tired. Wanna take a nap with me? We can have a cuddle session and you can brag to Dad later,” he offered, giving Patton the most reassuring smile he could.

Virgil watched as Patton hesitated, and his concern skyrocketed when he shook his head.

“No thanks, Pa, I think I’m just gonna go to my room for now.”

Fuck, Patton was really upset if he was turning down cuddle time.

“Okay, kiddo. Let me know if you need anything okay?”

Patton nodded, and Virgil watched as he made his way up the stairs until he heard the door shut.

He was planning on just letting Patton decide how he needed to calm down, planning on leaving him alone for a while no matter how worried he was because Patton deserved to figure out what he needed on his own.

Virgil couldn’t help but regret that decision when he a series of thumps followed by a heavier thud and a sob coming from Patton’s room.

“Patton?” he called, scrambling off the couch and shooting up the stairs until he was opening the bedroom door in a panic.

His son was sitting on the bed, fingers buried in his hair and his textbooks and notebooks in a pile on the floor.

That explained the smaller thumps, but what about the thud?

Virgil glanced in Patton’s immediate area as he approached him, stopping at the edge of the mattress. He couldn’t find the source, but it wasn’t really something he was worried about right now.

“Hey Pattoff, you don’t look so hot there, wanna tell me what’s wrong?” Virgil asked softly, wanting to sit down but not wanting to invade his son’s space.

Patton jerked, pulling his head from his hands to look at Virgil and- oh.

He recognized that look. That was an anxiety attack reaching it’s peak.

“Oh, Patton,” he said softly, sitting on the very edge of the mattress and tentatively opening his arms.

Patton stared at him, hiccuping as a sob struggled to escape him, and Virgil just waited patiently.

It felt like eternity before Patton’s surprise crumpled and he sobbed again, pushing himself away from Virgil and wrapping his arms around himself.

Virgil pushed back the urge to pull Patton into a hug anyway. He deserved the right to choose what he wanted right now, he wasn’t gonna be like his parents and disregard his son’s boundaries.

“Okay, no hugs. But we gotta get you calmed down Pat,” he said, wincing when Patton sobbed again.

God, he always hated seeing when his kids were upset.

“Gonna need you to listen to me, Pat. Force all of the air out of your lungs,” he started, smiling softly when Patton didn’t hesitate to listen, “and then breathe in for one, two, three, four…”

He kept going, guiding Patton through the four, seven, eight breathing exercise until his breathing was shaky but even.

Patton wiped at his eyes, sniffling and staring at his lap. He didn’t say anything, but that’s okay, Virgil could talk first.

“That looked like a pretty bad anxiety attack, bud. Do you wanna tell me about it?”

Quiet, and then Patton shook his head.

Virgil nodded, shifting until he was sitting on his sons bed with his legs crossed in front of him.

“Okay, that’s fine. Wanna tell me what the really loud thud was earlier?”

Patton wiped at his eyes again, then pointed in Virgil’s direction, prompting him to turn around and see the school issued tablet on the ground, screen cracked and a dent in the wall it collided with.

Oof, that’s gonna be expensive to replace.

“Got frustrated with the anxiety huh? Did you get another book assignment with no audio reader?” he asked, turning back to his son.

Patton’s face scrunched up a little bit, and he shrugged.

Virgil sighed, leaning forward until Patton’s eyes were on his face, his glasses on the mattress next to him so he was squinting a bit.

“It’s okay. I can understand being frustrated with school, and you’ve got a whole slew of bullshit I didn’t have to deal with. Is that what happened just now? School shit?”

Patton’s lips twitched in a restrained laugh at Virgil’s swearing, but they quickly settled at his question.

“…Yeah,” he croaked, face twisting before he cleared his throat.

Virgil opened his arms again.

“How about a fuck school solidarity hug? And then later when your dad gets home, we’ll talk about a system to help you with that anxiety, yeah?”

He watched as Patton debated with himself, rubbing at his eyes one more time before putting his glasses back on.

There may or may not have been an internal sigh of relief when Patton eventually crawled into his lap, and Virgil squeezing his son until he squeaked was not something he could help.

At least this was something Virgil knew more or less how to help with. Anxiety sucked, and he had no idea of Patton had it as bad as he did, but he could help.

And that’s all Virgil really wanted, to help his son live his life and love it too.

#casper writes #ts virgil #ts patton #familial moxiety #background anxceit #the twins are mentioned super briefly #anxiety attack #past bad parenting #only briefly mentioned though #idk what patton has that needs audio to read along with but i do know his school sucks a little bit #(re: a lot)#VIRGIL IS A GOOD DAD CONFIRMED #ahhhh i love this okay im s 💜💜💜💜

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