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linssikeittomies · 3 years

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The Place Between Here And There - Chapter 10: ...And Happiness In Private Life(cont'd)

Masterpost AO3 Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 9(cont'd)

I've finally updated the status of the fic to ABANDONED, I was going to do that way earlier but I didn't want to admit defeat, and then I just kind of forgot... Time really starts flying by as you get older, it totally doesn't feel like 2 years passed by^^' I'm still writing scenes for later on in the fic, and I've had the general outline of the story planned for a long time, but I haven't been able to write complete chapters for any of my projects for over a year now, it's very annoying. Anyway, this is the rest of chapter 9, not my best work but at least I like the part with Toris. He's noticed Ivan's small efforts of being nicer and wants to encourage them. Thanks for everyone who read this story and sorry for not being able to bring it to conclusion for all of you who were invested!

Ivan sent Fredya home until Wednesday – claiming it was so he could concentrate on work, but he was sure Fredya could tell he was just fretting about the upcoming meeting. Ivan was terrified Katyushka would get carried away, and that was closer to certainty rather than possibility, and then Fredya would walk out of his life. He had known from the start that the time would come sooner or later, but he had much hoped it would fall on the later end of the spectrum. This was a wholly different case from that of his first girlfriend - the one he had been with all of three days before Katyusha started talking about weddings. She had left him the next day, not surprisingly, and he hadn’t really cared one way or the other - she had been far too practical to occupy his thoughts when she wasn’t in sight. But if Fredya left as suddenly, and he was certainly impulsive enough to do so on the spot, then... Obviously it still wouldn’t be the end of the world,of course it wasn’t the worst thing that could happen, losing a home for example would be far worse than losing a companion, it really wasn’t that big of an issue when you thought about it – there was no reason to lose what little will to live Ivan had left over something that insignificant. No reason.

So Ivan would not worry about it – he slammed the door on the thought, and worked hard to put all his concentration on his notes. He had not yet studied Rogers enough, his files on the computer had sat abandoned for too long. Opening his folder, going over the routes again, verifying time codes, Ivan fell to a comfortable, familiar routine, cup of tea beside him growing cold. Rogers didn’t have much of a routine, which made observing him a challenge and data collecting a thrill. At least this was an activity that Ivan could still lose himself in despite whatever non-turmoil was boiling in his gut. Comparing coordinates, discovering overlaps, identifying patterns, data was something Ivan was good at. Data had no emotions, so it was easy to handle. Data didn’t mind his extracurriculars, didn’t judge him for his jealousy, didn’t snoop into his past. Though it also didn’t text him at 3 am to tell him about a silly dream it had. Even less it cared about whether he was coming home for the night or not. It not wanting to watch brainless, cliched superhero should have been a positive, but in the dark, the brain gets sentimental. Ivan suddenly wished he had a file on Fredya. Ivan certainly had enough data on him, though so far it was all in his brain and a few lines in his notebooks. One photo on his phone, a selfie Fredya had sent some weeks ago. It was taken with one of those filter things, Ivan wasn’t familiar with the apps so he couldn’t tell if it was instagram or snappychat or whatever others there were. Fredya had cartoon glasses on his nose, on top of his real-life glasses. He was doing a victory sign, and there was a badly drawn pink heart floating in the lower left corner, not anchored into anything. The composition of the photo was bad. A large dead space occupied the top left, a pile of dirty clothes was poking into the frame from the bottom right. The lighting was scarcely better, the only diffuser was the dust inside the light fixture. Fredya’s artistic ability was nil, though he did make for an attractive subject, harsh shadows and all. It would be nice to have proper photo of him, before he got out of reach. With a reference to guide him, it might be possible. Ivan quickly scanned his bedroom for inspiration.

Perhaps it was too much effort for 2 a.m., but Ivan rather liked the end result. The handful of stars drawn on the wall to form a suggestion of a halo – however wrong it looked on Ivan – and hands posed to form a heart on the chest, and some minor lighting adjustments on photoshop, he thought it near perfectly captured how Ivan saw Fredya. Bright, innocent, center of the universe, unashamed of his affections. Fredya wouldn’t put as much effort in to it, even if he did take his own version of the photo as Ivan had requested, but that was also good. It wasn’t in Fredya’s nature to try too hard at something he didn’t feel like understanding - such as art other than of the moving pictures variety. Together, the photos formed a piece – the fantasy and the reality. It was a commentary on expectations. Fredya may or may not look at the photo when he inevitably got up to go the bathroom sometime soon, but he wouldn’t take his own until afternoon if ever, so Ivan finally went to bed. He only had a few hours before his shift started.

-_-_-_-_-

Fredya had sent an emoji Ivan didn’t understand the meaning as response to the photo, followed by hearts and something that seemed to be an abbreviation, Ivan didn’t research the meaning. It likely wasn’t important. Ivan got coffees for everyone again, and Amanda gave him a incredulous look. It was getting suspicious, Ivan acting nice. He should dial down on the social interactions for the next few days. It would be good practice for when Fredya left him, anyway. “Oh, thank you for going through the trouble”, Toris commented smiling. Ivan studied the smile, trying to map out proportions and gauge timings, but again he failed to replicate the gesture. It kept coming out as sarcastic. He would prefer if both would just shut up and their coffees without scrutinizing his intentions. Let a man act civil to fellow humans beings in peace. “If everyone is done sitting around, we need someone to go interview Fowler’s parishioners.” Predictably, Amanda volunteered for the task. That left Ivan and Toris at the office, reading through statements, comparing alibis and viewing security footage, the same draining and pointless sinkhole of never-ending choppy black-and-white footage that glared a print of the screen in your soul, so that in the end when you lost everything else to dementia and cataracts, you would still see that stinging bright rectangle staring you in the eye, smirking gleefully, taking pleasure in removing everything one used to take joy in, and replacing itself in place of loved ones. That metaphor ran a little wild at the end, there. In all fairness, it could be intriguing work when results could reasonably be expected, but everyone and their mother knew the only thing learned from these particular ones would be just how much time were wasting on them. Even Toris, being his professional self, couldn’t resist glancing at the clock every few minutes. He would of course try to make it inconspicuous, just letting his eyes dart to his wrist and back again, but it was noticeable enough when one was more concentrated on the coworker than the work. It came to Ivan’s mind that perhaps this was another aspect of Toris he should try to simulate, rather than keep studying, his work ethic was excellent. Surely that was something most people would approve of. And Fredya did often complain Ivan was rather lackadaisical about his work, he would appreciate the effort. “How do stay so focused?” he asked sincerely. It was admirable, really, how Toris could throw himself at something so tedious. Toris blinked at him in confusion, probably surprised to see his colleague who was supposed to working beside him blatantly ignoring said work. “I’ve practiced it for years, there’s really no easy trick for it.” “Ah. Shame.” “I find that meditating regularly helps. And a good diet.” Well, that was already two things Ivan would not be trying out. “I could send you some articles if you’d like.” “You should spend your free time on yourself. You work too much.” Ivan went idly back to his files, not really feeling like working, but deciding to at least give it a shot, but feeling Toris’ curious eyes still fixed on him was too much of a distraction. After several seconds of silence he couldn’t take it anymore. “Yes?” “Thank you. That was considerate of you.” Ivan didn’t know how to answer that. It had been such a banal thing to say. Not warranting any response, really. Just a stock phrase, however true of some people and situations - such as this particular specimen. Toris must have heard the exact same statement hundreds of times in his life, knowing that he had an actual social circle who cared for him. Ivan was outside that circle, and people rarely care for the things outsiders say in matters like these - surely Toris should feel nothing particular about anything Ivan said. There was no need for him to smile like that, it was just embarrassing for a grown man to get so giddy about faint praise. Ivan scoffed and went back to his work.

-_-_-_-_-

U maek a habot of drawning on walls huh Outside of his brief childhood, Ivan had only ever drawn on walls three times - once in a drunk, misguided bout of creative frenzy, once to write his number on an intriguing man’s wall to annoy him, and once in an attempt to save a relic of happier times for the future. Mostly when you are involved, it seems. Perhaps you are my muse for wall-related artistry It had been a while since Ivan had drawn a portrait, but now might be the time to dust off that skill set. Ivan considered himself more of a photographer, but there was also something appealing about creating from scratch. Although... he would need to keep the portrait hidden, it would raise questions and pity later on. Ivan wished he was better at abstraction, that way it wouldn’t look like Fredya to anyone else, but his mind seemed to be too observational for it. It could only make sense of things that connected together in realistic ways, it couldn’t create anything out of feelings alone. Perhaps he simply didn’t have enough of them for that kind of art. The dinner with Fredya and his sisters was a few hours away, but Ivan was already nervously ironing his clothes. He once again pleaded Katyusha to control her romantic impulses, and of course she promised, but Ivan knew that meant little. She had very bad self-control. Tasha’s picking me up, we’ll meet you there Natasha was coming? Nataliya was coming?! Fuck - what was she - this was bad news - why hadn’t she said - oh god, forget about Katyusha ruining everything if Nataliya Grigorova was coming! She never mentioned wanting to come along That sneaky little girl, she told me you said it was okay, haha He would not survive this night sober. He wanted to make a good impression. He did not want to be drunk when the only three people who mattered to him were all in the same room. He wanted to be fully conscious, to enjoy an outing with his family while being fully genuine, not just sedated into calmness. But lord knew he would not survive the night sober.

-_-_-_-_-

Remembering the fit Fredya had thrown the last time Ivan had driven not-strictly-drunk-but-also-not-sober, he was glad that they had arranged beforehand for Fredya to pick him up. Because he was observant in the most inconvenient ways, Ivan had been sure Fredya would notice something was off, maybe a smell or the slow movements to counteract the unsteady hand-to-eye-coordination, but fortunately he was too stoked about meeting Ivan’s sisters again, officially, to notice Ivan’s oddly calm demeanor. He babbled excitedly the whole way there, and was halfway across the street before Ivan had even fully exited the car. “Come on you snail! They’re gonna think we ditched them!” “It’s only a few minutes away, you can afford to slow down”, Ivan chuckled. Fredya was so adorably excited, he resembled a puppy on a walk. “Being overeager is as bad as being late.” “Beg to disagree! Pick up the pace slowpoke!” Fredya sped up ahead, Ivan kept his leisurely pace. He missed the re-introductions, but it seemed like he hadn’t been needed for those at all - Fredya and Katyushka already looked like old friends, while Tasha regarded him with a haughty look, but nary a nasty word. She raised an eyebrow at Ivan, as if saying really, you chose this clown over me?, and he simply smiled pleasantly at her. As they waited for their food to arrive, Fredya and Katyushka were unsurprisingly the only ones to hold up conversation. They had found a common ground in Star Trek - in that Katyusha had heard a lot about it, but had never watched an episode and was interested, and Fredya was an expert in all the series and films and liked talking about them. They went through the pacifistic ideas on the original series and how it sometimes contradicted itself on it, analyzing the casting choices for the remakes, some more things that Ivan had no interest in. When their plates were brought, the were in the midst of trying to speak klingon - the attempts of both of them were saddeningly hilarious. Or perhaps they were both surprisingly accurate. Ivan had no way of knowing, the franchise being something he had never taken an interest in. Of course he liked space, but he was more fact-oriented than a fan of fanciful fiction. “You seem so young, it’s almost like you’re still in college”, Katyusha giggled, and Ivan could not agree more. The youthful energy Fredya exuded was refreshing, at least most of the time. “Never went to college, I went straight to work from high school”, Fredya explained, crumbs flying. That was the one habit that Ivan never found charming in Fredya, it was just plain disgusting. Tasha made a small chortle of contempt that passed Fredya by. “Our brother is a very intelligent man”, Tasha commented sharply, and Ivan knew exactly what she was going for – he had come to the same conclusion, himself. And truthfully, neither of them had been wrong - Fredya really was stupid. “Oh, tell me about it”, the insulted man chuckled, not understanding what was being implied. Ivan would have liked being able to defend Fredya, but the thing was that Fredya was not intelligent – intellectually or socially, and attempting to claim otherwise would have been pointless. He might have been considered smart in some useless areas, such as entertainment trivia, but faint praise is just as damning as admitting faults. Trivia! There was the opening Fredya needed to impress Tasha! “He has a master’s degree in movie trivia and celebrity gossip, if nothing else. Just give an actor’s name and he will tell you every movie they have ever been in.” “And not just that! I can also tell which year each movie came out!” Fredya exclaimed proudly. Ivan started with an easy one - Tom Cruise. Tasha did look reluctantly impressed as the titles and dates kept on coming, but refused to admit defeat. She tried her favorite actor, someone much more obscure. “Ken Foree?” “Hmm… The midnight man, 2017… Rift, dark side of the moon 2016, Cut slash pri- no wait, I think he was in Divine tragedies, 2015, Cut slash print 2012 –“ However, since

Tasha’s obsession with her brother refused to give way to respect for her perceived enemy, she realized that to claim victory she could simply ask about any non-American film star. “Anastasia Zavorotnyuk.” “Anastasia who?” Of course he pronounced the name the American way, but Ivan was still mildly impressed he could tell Анастасия and Anastasia were the same name. “Zavorotnyuk.” Tasha allowed herself a malevolent smirk as Fredya racked his brain for the name in vain. “A true expert wouldn’t limit himself only to Hollywood”, Tasha hmphed in triumphant malice, believing to have proved her superiority over him once and for all, despite not showing an ability to counter his. It seemed the point had only been to prove Fredya was not omniscient. In Ivan’s eyes, it was enough to be merely well-versed. “He does hate subtitles to the point where I thought he might be illiterate”, Ivan joked. “Hey, at least I speak the language of the country I live in!” “Verily, my darling, thou speakest with the most biting of tongues. Shakespeare himself would envy your prowess.” “The guy lived like hundreds of years ago, who gives a shit? Ivan Drago was famous in the 80’s.” “Ivan can sound almost native when he tries”, Katyusha said, trying to diffuse the argument, not knowing the workings of their relationship well enough to tell it was all said in jest. “I haven’t tried in years, I doubt I could anymore”, Ivan thought. He had tried training his accent away in high school, so he would sound less foreign in job interviews. Having a foreign name was bad enough in an application. He had never achieved a smooth, natural accent, he had to concentrate very hard which caused the words to come out very slowly and robotically, and still there was always a hint of foreign phonemes. Combined with his attempts to deepen his voice – an incredibly embarrassing failure on its own – had made him cringe, even back then. Tasha had encouraged him, of course, because in her mind anything and everything her dear brother did was the right decision. Excluding taking romantic interest in someone other than her, of course.

The rest of the evening went by in much the same fashion. Fredya and Katyusha got along swimmingly, Tasha made snide remarks about Fredya, Ivan defended him in mean ways, Fredya played along. It was all very pleasant. Finally the staff started dropping hints that it was time to vacate the table, so they got up and parted ways. Katyusya was enchanted enough to not wait long enough to be out of earshot before starting to gush about her baby brother’s relationship, which made for a perfect opening for eavesdropping. “Don’t you think Vanechka looks so much happier than usual?” Katyusya said, nearly clapping her hands in excitement. “Idiocy might be contagious”, Tashenka grumbled in response. “I never imagined he’d go for that type, but I guess it goes to show opposites really do attract!” Katyushka squeed. “It’s only for the moment. That American moron will start getting on Vanya’s nerves soon”, Tashenka claimed, not sounding too confident herself. Ivan had expected that to happen as well, in the beginning. “I hope he won’t, I think Alfred is good for Vanechka. He’s come out of his shell.” What did she mean by that? As far as Ivan was aware, he had never been shy around his sisters. Or other people, for that matter. “What’re you frowning about?” Fredya asked. “I’m eavesdropping. Katyusha likes you, and Natasha doesn’t despise you.” “Well that’s good news isn’t it?” Fredya smiled, and tried to hear the women. “Man, you got great hearing. I can’t hear them at all.” Yes, it did take some practice to achieve Ivan’s level of spying on other people’s conversations. And by then they had gotten far enough that Ivan couldn’t hear then anymore either, actually. “Your eardrums must be damaged from the all screeching you do.” “You’re walking home, asshole.”

Tasha + Katyushka = affectionate nicknames for Nataliya and Yekaterina. Tashenka + Katyusya = one level more intimate. Ivan is being drunk and sentimental so at the end of the evening, the way he feels about his sisters is something like most people do when seeing tiny kittens. Thanks again for reading! Maybe in like 10 years so I'll add a final "chapter" describing the rest of the plot, but I know myself and won't make any promises. I have some more snippets on the masterpost if anyone wants to frustrate themselves with a story that will never be finished.

#hereandthere #fan fiction #hetalia #RusAme #AmeRus #russiaxamerica #linssifanfiction #WIPtale

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mysticsparklewings · 4 years

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On The Edge

It feels like it's been quite some time since I sat down and got to work on a more involved mixed-media project. And in plenty of ways it has, but I have been working on other artsy projects behind the scenes, which I should be posting sometime soon, I hope. Anyway, this artwork had to be moved to the top of my priority list and also my upload schedule (some of those other projects are already finished, just back-logged) because this is my entry into the Arteza Awards hosted by, shocker, Arteza, and the deadline to enter was the 24th. I actually started working on this piece a week or two early, but me being me, I procrastinated and only just barely got it posted to Instagram with the appropriate tags (per the contest rules) with about 20 minutes to spare. Then again, maybe that's a good thing because I've been known in the past to pull some of my better work out of thin air at the last minute. If that proves the case this time, it would certainly be to my advantage. Anyway. There was no set theme for the contest. The main rules were that you had to use Arteza supplies and they needed to be visible in the image posted to Instagram. I understand why, but I normally don't photograph my art with the supplies because I can usually get more accurate colors and proportions with a scan, and you can pretty much always see the details way better on a scan. But considering the prizes on offer, I wasn't about to let that stop me. I figured I'd just post the supply image first, then add the scan so you could swipe to see it. That way I could have my nice scanned version and still follow the rules. (Also, since they specify Instagram is the main platform for the contest, I'm assuming it doesn't matter if I don't post the supply picture everywhere else. If it does...whoops :P ) For reasons I don't think I should get into here, I knew I needed to go for something kind of high-impact when you first glance at it. But it also needed to not be too involved, lest I be working on it well after the entry window closed and my efforts become somewhat less valuable. I'm not exactly sure how, but this led me around to a concept I've had floating around in my head for a while: A girl (because I am one and know I can draw them better) standing on a mountain top, that looks as if she's one step from free-falling. Originally, I dreamed up this idea hoping to make it into an acrylic painting, but (aside from that fact that I didn't get around to executing the idea until now) I do not own Arteza'a acrylic paints (though I have wanted them for quite some time--It just hasn't happened yet) and also acrylics are not my strongest suit, so now did not seem like the time for an impulse-purchase that could compromise the integrity of my work and therefore my chances in the contest. Although for the day I do get my hands on their acrylics, I now have a solid idea to use to test them out. ;) The Arteza supplies I do have at my disposal are their tube watercolors, woodless watercolor pencils, and 72 expert colored pencils. Which as I learned the last time entered a contest hosted by Arteza, is a fairly limited variety as to what I can actually do. The watercolors by far as the most versatile and my personal favorite of the three though, so they're what I used the most of here. Also, somewhere between deciding to run with my standing-on-the-edge idea and actually doing it, I also decided to add-in the wings in this constellation style I've used somewhere infrequently but am very fond of. As a result, the whole concept has a very similar feel to me as this artwork that I found here on dA years ago and fell so in love with that it spent a good few months as my desktop wallpaper. Obviously, the two images are very different, but to me the idea of the wings is similar: Their structural integrity to fly is questionable, as the wings in the original image appear to be made of glass. Maybe it matters, maybe not. Same thing here: Maybe the wings are really there and just look like a constellation, or maybe this girl just stood in exactly the right spot at exactly the right time. Is the girl even there? Is she real? Can she die? Does it matter if she falls? Would she choose to fly at all, whether the wings work or not? It's sort of a Schrodinger's Cat situation, and something about that is really intriguing to me. Anyway. I started out with a digital sketch this time, mostly to iron out the kinks with...well, everything. I knew getting the right pose would be difficult, and I actually had a pretty different one of her looking out over the edge, maybe clutching her chest or something, originally, but I just couldn't get it to work the way I wanted to and I really struggled to find references for it, so I went with the pose you see here, that I found references for by accident while looking for the other one. I have to admit, seeing the final product I think this pose might actually have been the better choice anyway. The mountain/cliff/whatever I was also having a hard time finding references for, at least for exactly what I wanted, so in the end I had to mostly wing it. I think it turned out okay, though. The wings were probably the most challenging part to plan because I wanted something between traditional butterfly/fairy wings and something that stretches out farther like bird or bat wings. I toyed with the lines for a long time until I got something I was happy with, and then I actually went in and did the constellation lines for both sides by hand instead of doing one side and making a flipped copy, because I wanted to make sure I kept the overall shape of the wing on the (our)right (her left), as after all the warping I did to get the original lines, I wasn't sure I could replicate the process again. I also drew 2 or 3 versions of a simple dress over the figure before giving up because I wasn't happy with how any of them were turning out and decided that I would instead preserve her modesty with magically misty cloud-things. Although, it's kind of a shame because that ended up mostly hiding the one piece of hair clinging over her left (our right) shoulder. :P But once the digital sketch was done so I had some idea of what I was doing, it was time to move on to the traditional, actual artwork. I cut a piece of my 100% cotton paper down to size (nice paper because I didn't want to be held back in that regard--go big or go home, as they say) and then held it up to me screen to trace my cliff lines into place, and some vague markers for the figure and her wings. My idea from the very beginning was to make the galaxy largely with watercolor in such a way that it gives the wings color and focus, without having to actually color all the individual segments. This means lighter colors towards the main area of the wings, and getting darker as I moved out/away from them. Now, because it has been a while since I was painting with watercolors regularly, I did set aside a smaller piece of the same paper and busted out a practice baby galaxy before diving into the final. I learned very quickly I was going to have to be extremely careful with my placement of this orangey color and black, less either of them ends up mixing with colors they weren't supposed to and leaving me with a big muddy mess. (The practice piece did survive though and I'll be posting it some other time.) Before I could get to the fun part [the galaxy] though, I painted the mountain with a mixture of black and blue, which actually went a lot smoother than I thought it would. It took several light layers of blending out the paint built up slowly, but ultimately I'm pretty happy with how the color for it turned out...Even if it's still kind of up for debate how much it looks like a "mountain" or "cliff-edge" or not. With that out of the way, I cut some paper to act as a mask for that section and then spent far too long going back and forth, putting down layers of color and blending them out, dabbing color on and waiting for it to dry, rinse, repeat, trying to get the Galaxy portion just right. I was actually having a fair amount of trouble getting the right color balance, and as sometimes happens with these things, I was pretty worried about how it was looking before I went to bed that night. (I had procrastinated just long enough that I had 2 nights to do this is; the bulk of the painting took place on night 2) But the next day, once it was fully dry, it didn't look so bad. It did need just a few more touches before I went in and added the splatter/stars, though. So I broke out the colored pencils, which I really should have done sooner because they were much easier to blend out and had a bit more covering power over the watercolor than...more watercolor because watercolor is often transparent and there it can be hard to cover with it. Admittedly, I still had more worries about the "naked" galaxy, but then I went to splatter town with the white, added a few pointed stars, and as it usually does, that really brought everything together and made it look a lot better. Never underestimate the power of a good splatter-fest! ;) I must say though, I underestimated the combination of the white watercolor and white colored pencil together when I moved on to the figure and wings. I was trying very hard to not use my white gel pen (because the rules for the contest didn't say if it was okay to use non-Arteza supplies in conjunction with Arteza supplies or not) and so I was sort of bending over backward to find another way with my limited resources. (Although I assumed using a lightbox to see the lines underneath the paint, as is a normal practice for me, wouldn't really matter because it's not like you can really tell from the final product anyway.) Still, even though a mixture of paint lifting, the white colored pencil, and the white watercolor were better than I expected, I still ended up having to punch the lines up a bit digitally to get them to pop the way I wanted them to. But oh well, at least it made a nice glowing effect and mostly worked for the cloud-mist covering. :P Overall though, I do really like how it turned out. If it weren't a little on the small side I might actually consider using it as my new wallpaper/banner art everywhere. Maybe that's a conversion project of some kind for another day? Point being, I'm pleased. I probably won't place in the contest because I'm just too small of a fish in this pond, but I made some pretty art and it was mostly fun, so no harm done. :) Actually, if this could maybe be the excuse my brain needs to get back into posting regularly, that would actually be really great. I miss it, despite what my most recent journal entry and my spotty activity levels might lead one to believe. If it is, I hope you guys don't mind seeing some crafty things thrown into the mix! :D ____ Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings

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yogaposesfortwo · 4 years

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Decolonizing the Black Male Body Through Yoga

As a boy, especially a black boy, the policing of your body begins as soon as you’re taught that you simply are a boy. Boys walk this manner and girls walk that way. Boys can’t switch their hips. Boys can’t roll their backs. Boys can’t move their bodies like girls can.

To move the black-boy body untethered to the stiff, oppressive weight of hyper masculinity is to maneuver sort of a girl, which, in our heteronormative, misogynistic society, means moving your body inconsistent thereupon of a second banana . Men, so our toxically masculine world teaches us, are to essentially move as physically unattuned creatures whose limbs don’t relax or move gracefully. Thank God I liberated myself from that imprisoning mindset after I finished my first vinyasa class quite a year ago. For me, yoga isn’t merely about flexing my muscles into positions that are unexplored—it’s far more . When my feet touch the mat, it's an act of resistance. An act of loving myself enough to maneuver during a way that feels good, regardless of what proportion it clashes with misconstrued gender norms. The Power of Yoga I celebrate that liberation with my yoga instructor, James Roberts, several times every week at black-owned And Yoga Studios in Brooklyn. And Yoga's space provides a liberating environment where I can live and celebrate blackness. Replicas of Basquiat’s portraits line the walls and R&B plays quietly while we practice. Robert’s classes usually started at 6:30 a.m. (before stay-at-home orders, of course)—relatively early on behalf of me to be sitting on a yoga block centering my mind and body. Now, students meet via Zoom classes later within the mornings and evenings. Before COVID-19 ravaged the planet and made us indoors, i used to be at And Yoga Studios four to 5 times every week . a minimum of three of these sessions were with James. His caring touch moved my unsure postures into focus, into the proper direction. Without realizing it within the moment, his touch dismantled the faux belief I grew up thereupon black male intimacy was harsh and hard. Toxic masculinity features a way of teaching us that movements like those we see in yoga are feminine. Of course, such thinking is ignorant and that i knew it intellectually. Physically, on the opposite hand, I had tons of growing to try to to . If you struggle to understand why I feel such a release, or a way of freedom, practicing yoga with a Black man , you likely don’t appreciate how pervasive hyper-masculinity is—especially how brutally the black human body is policed. Black men aren’t alleged to touch one another with care or emotional intimacy. Growing up as a black boy, we’re taught that when it involves interactions with other boys, anything beyond rough, aggressive play might be interpreted as sexual. My uncles played rough with me so i might not be considered “a punk” or “weak.” A slap over the top or a pulled punch to the chest during aggressive horseplay was a loving way of callusing my body against the rough and tumble streets of Detroit, where I grew up within the 1980s and ’90s. These gestures also served as protection against racism . Black boys growing up in Detroit couldn't afford to precise emotional intimacy and be in tune with our bodies in ways in which could signal us as prey. My uncles loved me the simplest way they knew how. But until I stepped on my first yoga mat in 2018, I had been living under the tremendous weight of an oppressed body and mind. It took four months to finally try Robert’s class once I started practicing at And Yoga Studios, a choice I made just because of my schedule. Up until then, I had only been comfortable with women (preferably black women) leading my practice. While my body was slowly growing attuned to the vinyasa movements, I felt uncomfortable when another man laid hands on me.

Physical Liberation

I was hesitant for Robert, or any man for that matter, to the touch my body, because I wasn’t conditioned to believe that men might be the source of healing and luxury . But I grew to trust him. Robert, day by day, month by month, and now, after a year, has shown me that a man’s touch can help liberate my mind and body. This physical liberation didn’t begin with yoga, however. I first had to clear my mind of toxic black masculinity in therapy in 2013, after I planned to require my very own life thanks to unresolved childhood trauma. Through therapy, i used to be ready to excavate the painful memories and experiences with violence from my pre-teen years growing up during a home where drug use and dealing were prevalent. In therapy, I learned that seeing my uncles beaten an in. of their lives and walking past the blood-sprayed stairwell for weeks resulting from his beatings from rival drug dealers were traumatic experiences, among other violence I witnessed. Over two years, I learned that men could, in fact, cry about the pain they experienced which it had been OK that I could not “man up” and toughen my skin to suppress the memories of decades past. Men, i used to be taught, don’t show emotion. We just affect it—which, of course, we never do. We don’t get in-tuned with our feelings. Mentally, therapy helped me to know that. After two years of therapy, i used to be seeking a replacement sense of liberation and decided to undertake yoga. I started off with female therapists because I saw black men lacking the requisite tenderness to assist me navigate the pain i used to be experiencing. It took some encouragement from my therapist to trust a male psychiatrist. That distrust of men carried over to yoga where it took me a couple of months to trust men to steer my practice. Robert, without even knowing it, was the primary man to assist me liberate my body by simply leading me through vinyasa flows. Because I learned to trust him, I’ve been ready to trust my body to maneuver with the liberty and beauty I didn't anticipate feeling after I first started my practice quite a year ago. 3 times every week , I walked 12 minutes to feel Robert’s liberating hands move my body into new positions that prepare me for the day ahead. COVID-19 has yogis inside now, but i'm still practicing yoga alone and thru streaming. My yoga journey started long before I met Robert, but I’m grateful for his very unintentional guidance of helping free my body of the toxic masculinity that permits it to maneuver more freely than it ever had before. Author: Terrell Jermaine Starr Source: https://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/decolonizing-the-black-male-body-through-yoga Discover more info about Yoga Poses for Two People here: Yoga Poses for Two Read the full article

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katherineshep · 7 years

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A coolest experience in a while

Have drawn out half a 30-sheeted sketchbook in one evening. How? Oh, it's a nice story to tell...

Today I've had maybe the most hardcore and in the same time exciting drawing experience I could get, not studying for an artist - I was drawing from a model. In drawing class.

First, it always seems to me that I'm missing interesting events, in recent times I need more and more bright emotions - to nourish my creative abilities, for example, and also so the unpleasant daily routine didn't ruin my mood. So when this drawing class jumped on me in Google results (because few days ago I accidentally googled affiche of interesting events in my city instead of movie affiche), I just couldn't miss the possibility, especialy when drawing of full body from a living model to have some insights on body anatomy is just super-cool for any beginner artist. So I ordered my place in the event and was in great anticipation of today's evening.

First, the place where class was held was just adorable. Kyiv has plenty of plants that have bankrupted or that were plundered bolt by bolt, so the forgotten plant buildings are sold to people who can make these walls a thing of art by making it a loft-style exhibition or conference halls, coworkings, stylish caffeteria or whatever that building will fit for. The building I came to was one of those long time ago abandoned plants, especially the first floor with its 7-meters-high ceiling (that first floor was definitely a manufactory itself and once there were machine-tools which assembled the details for ships). Brick walls and all and ventilation (and god knows what else) tubes at the ceiling were painted in white, which, along with beautiful lightbulb chaplets that lighted the hall in warm colour, made the hall very bright and cozy. There was a tiny stage at the center of the hall with chairs set around it - lots on the front side, some on the rear side. The hall was empty because I messed up the time and came too early, so I had enough time to see all the new place and even to go grab a coffee.

Then, when the time came, people began to gather. I did not expect much people at first, but when the master of the event was doing the last preparations for the class, he told me that they gather here every week for around three years now (that's when I clearly felt that I must be wandering not the right places in the Internet XD ). When the standing chairs were filled by half, I understood that at least half of people who came there today have met here pretty much - there were lots of friendly talks out there.

More people were coming. The masters of the event have brought free tea and drinks. Artists were unpacking their sketchbooks, albums, pencils, pastels, one girl had a set of Copic markers (they are daaamn expensive here so I was like "ohh there's those markers of my dream, OH MY" - not that I am experienced enough to paint with markers at the moment, but still, a person must aim for new heights or there won't be a progress). Though, the view of Promarkers which my neighbour put at the chair near her have plastered my gaze to them as well XD I've read they're very good and I was curious in actually seeing someone drawing with them, you know, as a live test and inspiration.

In few minutes all the chairs were taken, even there was need in more of them, because there was about 35 artists sitting there (good that that hall we were in had chairs to fill all the hall while the class was using about a quarter of all the space), and they were of all ages. Finally I saw the girl in a sample dress near the stage, in few seconds she took off her wear and walked up the stairs to stand on the stage in the light of floodlights.

What a model we had! First of all, I was in complete awe - she had eastern face (I mean, chinese, or japanese, or korean - I'm not good at defining precisely, no such experience). Not that it was super-rare to see a person with eastern face, but we're definitely not the country young people from Korea or Japan might dream to live in, so if we have some people with that appearance, it's either those few tourists that happened to stay here, or just Ukrainians who have one or both parent of eastern roots. Meeting a drawing model is rare, having an eastern drawing model is a jackpot.

Along with that, only a few days ago I've tried to sketch eastern faces, african faces and indian ones, as these people have slightly different facial features from our common europoid face type. I've got Shepard's father to sketch, after all, I have to know how to draw the face that gave my Shep eastern features)

The model chose a pose, and the master commanded to begin drawing.

In first two seconds it was odd to see a person completely undressed - in not an intimate athmosphere, I mean. But then the oddity was gone, as well as the thoughts of watching my neighbours' work were forgotten - I had 5 seconds (!) to make my sketch before the model changes the pose. The order was following: a bunch of five-seconds sketches, few of 10 seconds then, twenty seconds per sketch, thirty seconds. A minute (thank god!), then five, ten, fifteen. Saying sincerely, at first 5-seconds-sketching I didn't manage to even have a decent curves or something, so I decided to practice skeletons (I mean these, they help to build angles and length of limbs correctly). Ten seconds didn't give much help, the proportions of were just awful. On fifteen (or the next step was twenty?) I learned to draw skeletons faster than before and to give pretty good pose, given the scarcity of time. And - you know, this extreme warm-up is actually one of the best training of speed of drawing and fast capturing the basic points of the figure by eye. You instantly feel like your eyes become sharper, your feelings crystallize, your hand glides the paper with pencil more easy (and the best-looking drawings are those which are drawn with confidence, I usually create those in a MASSIVE inspiration flow, and when it subsides, I cannot see whether I draw right lines anymore). The more time I was given, the more detail I could add, the more I could capture with precise and even measure the model's body parts with a pencil when my eyes failed me. Then the count was is minutes, and after few poses we finally had a break - after more than an hour of fast sketching.

That was the moment when I withdrew my gaze from a model and felt... so aliiive and massively mindfucked at the same time. I walked around the hall, had some tea and had a talk with one girl in the row after me. In a row with many other things we discussed drawing instruments, and then I noticed an awesomely shadowed drawing in her album. I asked how to make such a beauty in such a short time...

She drew a messy hatching in one line with the side (!) of her hand-sharpened 6B Koh-I-Noor pencil and then wiped the drawn area with a finger, giving a bigger pressure to one side of the area and lesser to another.

There was a peeeerfect shade. And that felt like supernova exploding in my head - I knew that technique of shading, but as well as my drawing class teacher in university taught me to do separate hatches, I was usind said technique. Shading with wiping the area felt a very long and tiresome work... but hell, it only needed a very soft pencil to use that way of shading! It was so obvious! A girl explained, that my mechanical pencil is good too, but it'll need so many more hatching that it'll slow me down.

So I took one of my usually unused Koh-I-Noors from my pencil box (luckily, I've had 3B) and used it for a next sketch.

The second session had three poses of 20 minutes each. Then I saw the results of the advice of my new friend: shading with soft pencil was like +100500 boost to my shading skill. The sketch I was drawing now looked much more real than any of the previous (and by 10-minutes sketches I managed to make 2 pretty decent, but they lacked shading because I had no time to hatch them with separate lines my mechanical pencil produced).

That was the best my work in this evening. During the next pose my brain become exhausted and I was loosing an ability to see proportions and shades. But I went on - I had to.

The model took a beautiful fabric to hold with her for the last sketch. Damn, that woman was a Goddess at all, with or without a cloth, in every pose she made, in the way she looked. You know, when you start learning to draw and you sketch people, and in most perfect case - strangers in the public places, you try to absorb the details of their faces and eventually start to see a beauty in every feature, then - in combination of them. Some features can be not perfect, but they combine on a person's face in such a way that all together is truly beautiful! Then you understand how unique each of us are. Then you start to be excited with human body - all the smallest noticeable facial expressions, how the light caresses the skin, how the tiny wrinkles at the outer corner of the eye reveal a person who smiles a lot. Sometimes you not only see an emotion (joy, sadness) or the state of a person (for example, his/her anticipation or tiredness), but also the trace of experience from their life on their faces, like wrinkled forehead shows the person who is being confused a lot in his life.

And here, with a model in front of you, you notice some things - like whether the belly is flat or whether you like breasts shape - for only a moment! Let's face the truth, we are being constantly fed with beauty standards from TV and magazines so the thought of that sort may show at first. But then in like two seconds those tiny imperfections do not bother you anymore. Because you're an artist at work, you see the beauty in human body and you must pass it on, that's your purpose in this moment. Then you get to know the feeling, that whatever that body is, it really IS beautiful as a creation of life, and there can be beauty in any of model's unique features. The pesron in front of you is a masterpiece of nature even without a body of a top model, and you must respect that. You must carefully put that beauty into your drawing - not lying, not giving your figure on a sketch the features she doesn't have. When you draw a real person, you must be sincere as mush as you can, only then you give proper respect to that person's unique nature.

I've being pulling the last drawing untild the model started to TURN. Slowly, but to turn away from you - and you can't have the same pose from where you are anymore. That's when my tired brain started to guess the wrong shades and lines to finish the sketch, and I had to stop so the drawing wasn't ruined. Better it be unfinished, but beautiful sketch, than the messed up drawing.

So I got up to my feet and silently walked behind all the chairs - to have a secret look at other artists' works. Every of the artists had different style, instruments, techniques: while one made a pencil sketch, others managed to draw a full-coloured drawings. They also had very different level of profficiency, but that didn't stop any of them. On the contrary, you mustn't stop when the drawing, a hard thing actually, doesn't goes as planned at first - because every your sketch is a tiny stone in a foundation of your skill, an if you want to build something above the ground - forge yourself as an artist with a constant work.

So, after that walk, the light discomfort I, a damn beginner, felt in a hall full of drawing people finally fully subsided.

Now - I'm very tired and sleepy, because drawing, especially so fast and unusual, is a hard mental work.

But it was one of the greatest evenings since... maybe the last cosplay festival. And along with feeling exhausted, I feel very much content.

/And sorry if you see any typos. I strongly need a rest now, but I coundn't not to leave this as I, well, like to write down bright moments of life so there were nice warming posts for me to reread and recall once again./

#drawing #theartistsway #artists on tumblr #artists of tumblr #katherineshepart #irl #katshep talks #positive #sketching #inspiration

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georgesmithunit1 · 7 years

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Character Turnaround Sheet

14/11/17 - Today we coloured our characters which we’d drawn and scanned them onto the computer last week.

Originally, we had to randomly pick two pieces of paper which had a character type and an object/objects in which we essentially had to combine together. For example, I picked ‘machinery’ and ‘professor’. I researched various different professor drawings and photographs and got drawing after a while. For machinery, I already had an idea of what things I could include, such as cogs and gears as glasses and various different black and yellow stripes on his outfit. After drawing three different angles of the character, I went over it with a copic, to make sure that the lines were more prominent so that they didn’t connect with other lines and that I’d easily be able to select with the magic wand tool. After this, I had it scanned and put onto my USB device. I then opened up Photoshop and proceeded to follow the steps (after receiving a bit of help) which would allow me to be able to easily and cleanly colour my drawings.

Below are my initial sketches which I eventually will have scanned into Adobe Illustrator. For the drawings, I used visual references from the web, some of the things I typed in for my references are as follows: machinery, real life professors, professor drawings and a lab coat drawing because I’m not great at drawing clothes. For the machinery references, I saw many cogs and bolts, so I decided to use them as buttons on his coat and also the middle of his bow tie, as well as my personal favourite; his glasses frames. I also had the idea off the top of my head that I could somehow incorporate the black and yellow lines that give off the hazard warning effect, because machinery can be very dangerous- so I added it to his sleeve cuffs, the sides of the bow tie, and the thing which hangs from the left side of his trousers. Obviously, I used the lab coat reference because I didn’t really have a clear image of what it looked like in my head- I used various references and came up with something that looks fairly original, albeit a bit too tight-looking. It also comes complete with a pocket including a screwdriver and a wrench that generates electricity between the two tips, which he uses as his weapon. The hair was one of the first things I came up with when I did the original sketches, and often determines how I draw the rest of my character because I have to make sure it fits with the outfit and such.

It did pose a challenge for me to draw these, as I’m not very good at full body drawings, as I tend to only draw the top half of the character- but once I was finished with the first angle, it did become slightly easier, as I could base the other two off of the first one.

The sketches below are the original sketches which I did which are far more detailed than the final sketches for the turn around sheet as if I were to include all of this detail, it would most likely be difficult to see and probably would be very messy and would probably interfere when it got to selecting the various different parts of his hair in Adobe Illustrator, this is also why the turnaround sketches are not shaded- because shading will be added in Illustrator. As you can see, I liked the idea of having cogs as his glasses and the one on the top left (of this image) has my favourite design so I decided to go with that one. One of the designs had half professor half robot or machine or whatever- I decided that it didn’t look so good, so I didn’t continue to develop it. There are also early drawings of the side and back view, which ironically, looking back, I like them more than the actual turnaround sketches. There’s also cog designs on the image at the side, which I was going to do as the glasses, but I decided they were far too complex and I wouldn’t be able to recreate them each time, so I went with the white>black>white design, which almost looks hypnotic in a way. I also thought of the idea to add a bolt in his head (you can see this on the half and half design) but it looked stupid so I didn’t do it again. Finally, there’s his wrench weapon at the side, which can be seen in his pocket in the final turnaround sketches- it clearly shows electricity being generated between the tips- but don’t ask me how that works.

Below are some more developments for my character. They include the mechanical bow tie idea I developed later on during the turnaround sketches. It also shows where I decided to add the pocket, which includes the wrench weapon and screwdriver. There are also some wacky hairstyles which I’m not a huge fan of along with a couple of full body rough sketches. This is where i also came up with the different cog buttons on his coat. Out of these, I decided to further develop the design with the mustache and buttoned coat, which you can see in the finalized turnaround sketches.

The steps basically consisted of firstly shift+ctrl+alt+2 which would select everything, then I had to inverse the selection (select>inverse). I then added a mask and sampled all the layers, and then did layer>new fill layer>solid colour, so that I could colour each part of his body.

The Process

I started by selecting his hair and colouring that. I went with a light blue colour which I think suited his character as he’s a professor after all- I did originally consider just colouring it white but I felt that would look too boring. I added a blue-grey shade where I thought looked right, such as the bottom of his hair as the top of his head would cast a shadow below. and highlights across the top of his hair, as that’s where his hair would be most flat.

Next, I had to select and colour his clothes and skin. I went with a normal skin tone, with shadows in the necessary places, such as under the neck and inside the ears, as well as on his arms under his sleeve cuffs. I chose to colour his coat a beige colour because I thought white was again, a little boring. I added the necessary shades like at the back and where the creases and folds are, to imply that they’re going inwards slightly.

I then coloured the trousers, I just made them brown, and added the shades like under his coat and the creases in his trousers- as well as making the shoes as a lighter shade of brown, with shades that appear under the trouser cuffs to show that they’re below the trousers. I decided to colour the bow tie and the sleeve cuffs black and yellow to portray the hazardous colours to imply danger- what with him being a machinery professor and all.

Here’s an image of the layers which I used and how they look all together when next to each other, showing the masks that I used and what things were on which layer.

The Final Result

I think that the overall final look turned out okay, not brilliant but it looks alright. I think that it was successful as I followed the task. Obviously, I need to improve my anatomy drawing skills, as well as drawing clothes- and I feel as though they look a bit too casual for a professor- but I think the colours turned out decent for the most part. I found that drawing the initial sketches was probably the toughest part of all of this because as I mentioned earlier, I have a bad habit of drawing only the top half of a character and so I’m not as experienced with proportions, which is why I think that this task was helpful in improving my skills if only slightly. I’m used to working with colours so picking those out was probably the easiest part of this task. To improve, I think I’d need to research more and look through more examples to include in my drawing as I’m sure if you looked at it without knowing anything, you wouldn’t really think ‘oh, it’s a machinery professor!’, so I’d need to make the machinery elements more prominent and noticeable if I were to do this again. Also like I said, I need to study anatomy more and clothes and keep practicing so that I can get better at drawing full bodies such as this one.

Bonus: I have a habit of editing things and messing around with filters and layer adjustments, such as the colour channels, so that’s what I did with this too. I personally think it looks better than the original as the colours just look nicer and more vibrant.

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watsonrodriquezie · 7 years

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The Lowdown on Keto Side Effects: What’s Real, What’s Not, and What’s Helpful

With more people enthusiastic about the ketogenic diet comes more talk about potential adverse side effects. Upon closer examination, almost all of the complaints can be traced to a flawed approach. Granted, if you are coming to the game with significant metabolic damage from decades of carbohydrate dependency, or not paying attention to some common sense best practices, such as choosing healthy foods instead of blindly focusing on macros, you will likely struggle with something as stringent as keto.

Let’s cover some of the common keto complaints being bantered about these days, examine what’s really going on, and discuss strategy for how to avoid any adverse side effects to going keto.

Keto Flu

The keto flu refers to feelings of general malaise and even immune disturbances in association with dietary modification. Commonly cited symptoms include feeling lethargic (especially in the afternoon), feeling hot, feeling achy in joints and muscles, among other related sensations.

Here are eight important tips for avoiding the keto flu. Check out the full post for further details.

Get sufficient omega-3s, from oily, cold water fish or supplementation.

Consume an extra five grams (1 teaspoon) of sea salt or Himalayan pink salt per day when going keto.

Consume foods rich in potassium and magnesium. Avocado is the magnesium king with 1,000mg.

Make an extra effort to hydrate strategically, especially around workouts.

Consume more healthy, natural fats to replace the carbs you are cutting out.

Consume MCT oil (from coconut oil or MCT oil supplements) to stimulate external ketone production.

Move frequently and conduct cardio sessions at low heart rates.

Try a gradual reduction in carbs if an abrubt reduction seems problematic or you experience keto flu symptoms.

Finally, wait it out. Certain folks who do everything by the book and follow every bit of good advice may still get a few symptoms of the keto flu. This usually comes in the initial three weeks of entering nutritional ketosis, and things get much better very quickly. Trust that your lull will pass and your energy will increase substantially—usually within a few days.

Keto Poop

Someone asked me this the other day on a podcast: What’s the deal with keto poop? A disconcerting number of people on keto diets appear to be having trouble with their poop—or lack thereof.

The biggest issue is that some people consider keto to be a free pass to skip the green stuff. Either that, or they assume “vegetable=carb” and avoid them. Without plants, it’s tough to eat enough fiber, especially the fermentable, prebiotic kind that sustains our gut bacteria. We don’t need bowel-rending quantities of fiber. We shouldn’t take pride in the ability to fill the toilet bowl with perfect coils of crucifer corpses. These are unnecessary at best and downright harmful at worst.

But we still have to feed our gut bacteria. We still have to poop. We don’t want to strain and come up empty. Humans are industrious apes; we like to produce, not work in vain.

What else is going on, besides the lack of fiber?

You may need more water. Going keto causes an initial reduction in fluid retention in cells throughout your body. Your digestive tract requires water to keep the fecal matter soft and moist. As you aspire to consume more fluid, be sure to add a pinch of salt to each cup of water you drink, and to sip steadily throughout the day instead of binge chugging. These measures will help you better absorb additional fluids instead of excrete them.

Take magnesium. Magnesium helps regulate gut motility, and magnesium deficiencies are a common cause of constipation. Magnesium needs tend to rise on keto as well. Some experts recommend taking 400 mg in supplemental magnesium per day when going keto.

Take resistant starch. A starch that acts like fiber, RS is one of the most potent prebiotic substances around. Raw potato starch is an easy, dependable source of RS. Start slow with a teaspoon into your smoothie or full-fat yogurt; work up to at least a tablespoon per day.

“Deflated” Muscles

When your glycogen stores are topped off and your muscles are full of water—each gram of glycogen is stored with 3-4 grams of water—they’re bigger. More pronounced. Fuller. Going keto, which depletes muscle glycogen and reduces fluid retention, can give your muscles a “flat” or “deflated” appearance.

You can accept it for the time being. As time goes on and your body calibrates itself to the new metabolic pathway, you won’t shed as much water. Your muscles will return to normal.

You can work carbs into your diet before, during, or after hard training sessions. Anything intense enough and long enough to burn through muscle glycogen allows carb consumption without knocking you out of ketosis.

You can try creatine. Creatine is also stored in the muscle alongside water, so it may increase muscle fullness. Creatine also has the benefit of increasing muscle phosphocreatine energy stores, which we use for quick movements and brief feats of strength.

Low Energy

Some people just won’t do as well as others on a ketogenic diet. In particular, high energy demand athletes often choose to consume more nutritious carbs than advised per keto guidelines. Females with metabolic damage from a history of yo-yo dieting, or thyroid or adrenal dysfunction, also report difficulty with prolonged carb restriction to promote keto.

Again, with an optimized approach, things might come out great for virtually everyone who tries keto. Realize that since going keto opens up an entirely new energy pathway without limiting your ability to access the previous pathway, low energy is actually a pretty rare complaint. If it crops up with you, here are some things to watch out for:

Chronic exercise patterns: Fat-based metabolisms are great for long, slow movement, quick bursts of speed with rest in between, and feats of explosive strength. In other words, making your way through the world, doing some strength training, going for hikes, playing with kids, running some sprints, and are all tenable on keto. Heavy CrossFit training or anything else that burns a lot of glycogen at a lot of workouts each week, however, might pose issues. Resolve this by either scaling back the training or eating some carbs before, during, or after your workouts.

Inadequate calories: Keto’s satiating qualities are a double-edged blade. They help us eat less and lose body fat without really even trying, but they can also sometimes lead us to eat too little. This can cause a reaction in your body to slow down metabolic function and make you feel generally less energetic at rest. One solution is to cycle periods of generally increased caloric intake, and increased intake of nutritious carbs by default. This suggestion is totally different from the suggestion to engage in purposeful carb refeeds, where you binge on nutrient-devoid carbs in the name of a cheat day. This is never advised for any reason.

Unrealistic expectations: If you’re five days into your keto experiment and about to give up because you yawned after lunch, have a little patience. Things take time to change.

Hair Loss

The diet’s going great, you’re dropping inches, you have good energy levels, increased clarity of mind, but every time you take a shower or brush your hair or join a gorilla grooming circle, you’re losing hair. What gives?

You’ve lost weight. By far the most common cause of unexplained hair loss is simply rapid weight loss or dietary change. This disrupts the normal growth and decline cycle of your hair follicles, shunting a greater proportion of them into the “rest” phase to be pushed out by incoming hairs. Even though you may see extra hair in the shower or on the brush, your actual hair thickness shouldn’t change much.

Check your thyroid. As I wrote in a previous post, certain incarnations of keto (high in omega-6, low in supportive nutrients like selenium and iodine) can lower T3 levels, and this can cause premature hair loss.

High Cholesterol

The doc hands over the printout.

Last week, he’d expressed major skepticism over your new diet. “Sure, you’re losing weight, but let’s see what it’s doing to your arteries.” Today, you already know. His smirk says it all.

“You’ve got high cholesterol.” He’s beaming. Why the hell is he so happy?

It’s a fairly common scene for new keto dieters. Aubrey Marcus recently referenced a highly-disturbing stat that 25% of physicians still equate consuming dietary cholesterol with increased blood cholesterol, an association that has been unequivocally refuted by recent science. But before you accept AHA-sanctioned diet advice, determine if there’s actually a problem.

Check your ratios. Total cholesterol/HDL ratio is a good indicator of how long LDL is hanging around in the blood and remains the best standard assessment of heart disease risk. Another good one is triglyceride/HDL ratio, which is a strong surrogate marker for insulin resistance. In both cases, lower is better. An ideal T/HDL ratio is 1:1. I’d say 2:1 is about as high as you want to go. An ideal TC/HDL ratio is 3.5:1 or lower. Stop grazing. Allowing time to pass in between meals, or getting crazy and deciding to skip a meal or two, has been shown to improve cholesterol numbers.

Don’t gorge on fat. Remember that the best things happen when you’re consuming your own body fat. You don’t need to melt a stick of butter in your coffee every morning to keep your membership in the keto club.

Balance your fat. Saturated fat has received a terrible rap in the literature, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only fat you should consume. Look to the fatty acid ratios of ruminants like beef and lamb—or your own adipose tissue—for guidance. They have about equal amounts of saturated and monounsaturated fat with a small amount of PUFA. Mix up the butter and cream with olive oil and avocado oil.

Give it time. Your body’s still adjusting to the new energy pathway. Give it a few more weeks before you worry (and even then, don’t worry too much).

Those are six of the most commonly cited adverse side effects of going keto. As you can see, sometimes they’re real and you need to make changes, sometimes they’re a misinterpretation and you need to look more closely, and sometimes you just need to relax and let the process take care of itself.

Thanks for reading, everyone. Any thoughts to add on your transition to keto? Take care.

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milenasanchezmk · 7 years