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#again it's after 9pm so i shouldn't pay this feeling any mind but
queerstudiesnatural · 2 years
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#personal sad boi rant incoming#again it's after 9pm so i shouldn't pay this feeling any mind but#fuck i am so lonely#and it's stupid because i see people all day! people i like and get along with#but ok the thing is my job means i work in many different places#i'm in a different town working on a different project with different people each day of the week#i don't stay anywhere long enough to turn colleagues into friends#and i don't have enough free time to make other friends (no time to go out etc)#even the friends i do have i don't have time to hang out with bc my work days are usually 7am-9pm including most weekends#and i used to have tumblr and online friends to at least give me some sense of community#but lately i've been so busy and generally feeling meh#that i can't handle being online or even reading the chat etc.#and then i see everyone on the dash or in the chat having a great time and it kinda feels like looking at a room full of people you know#through a window and there's nothing keeping you from joining them except they're talking about stuff you don't understand#and there's too much noise and too many people and it's all overwhelming so you remain on the outside looking in#huh reminds me of the bela poem i wrote#anyway yeah i'm just lonely i just wanna catch a break and have like. one (1) free day to just hang out#i like my job but i'm exhausted#also if y'all knew how much i make for the number of hours i put in you'd tell me to riot#it's peanuts#i'm paid very little and i don't really care about money but still#it's all so exhausting and i'm stuck doing it if i wanna just get by#i can't afford to work less#whatever i'm just having a bad night is all
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