#ah well my menstrual cycle will pass through this phase soon and I'll feel better again

[propheticfire]

I've made the acquaintance of some lovely people on Twitter; two of them are excellent writers, and everyone in this group is so nice and supportive and smart and fun!

But they all like to talk about dark themes and angsty plots and all that stuff. And there's nothing wrong with angst and things, but it's very much not where my enjoyment lies. I like a dead dove on occasion, but like...even in the taboo themes I enjoy, I want it to be soft and loving and caring, etc. So even though I like this group of people, sometimes I'm just skimming over their posts and not engaging because it hurts.

And the two writers are very much on the same wavelength and can riff off of each other so well! But they understand the characters in a different way than I do, so again, even though I love them and I love (most of) their stories, I feel like I can't engage beyond just vague words of support.

I think the reason this is bothering me is because I feel like so many places I go, I am not Enough for that space but Too Much for normal spaces. Lmao especially in fandom, I feel like I'm not enough of a Freak for the Real Freak corner (affectionate), but too much of a Freak for the normies. And I always run into people who are so in tune with each other that they can just go and go and create and flourish, and I am envious. Not that I have any creative energy these days anyway, but still. I wish...