#ahchallenge

[crazymja]

AH - Day 30

I am just going to start writing and let the words come out. Thank you, God, for giving me opportunities today to choose differently. Had such a great therapy session where I learned about how my perfectionism and all-or-nothing thinking greatly contribute to the dramatic swing of HIGHs and LOWs in my life. I learned that there are times when I do well and I am extremely motivated, disciplined, energetic, optimistic, and making better decisions in alignment with what God wants for me. When I am in my low, it usually starts with some sort of trigger. This trigger can come from me making an unwise decision like numbing myself out with weed, believing that I will fail, and thinking that the challenge I am facing is one I cannot perfect or overcome. 

As I write this, I question and ponder the thought so…. How do I change? How do work through these moments of greatness and what seems like inevitable failure? 

I am pushing myself. I am relearning what it means to push through and to do something even when it's hard or even when I can’t do it perfectly. 

It has recently become apparent that I am addicted to my phone. It has been my safety net, and the fact that I found it so hard to let go and do something else is a wake-up call. I want to respond to this by not having my phone before bed and charging it on the other side of the room. 

I am such an ambitious person. I want to read, write, go to the gym, and be able to say I can eat clean. Wow, I didn’t even mention in that sequence that I want PEACE and God’s (plan for me, I guess) plan

. 

Another realization that I had during therapy is that God challenges me and allows me to tap into His strength. There will be times when I am feeling OVERBURDEN, Out of Breath, Defeated, or Not Good Enough. There would be a thought that comes through. This thought would SOUND CRAZY. It would be like.. “Matt just let go and give it to me”. With my current programming that thought just sounds so wild!! Why would I just let go when I feel like doing so would mean my whole world would crumble? 

The truth is… it might. However, it would reveal to me that the stuff I am trying to hold up and burden myself with doesn’t matter. They are a burden I am not meant to carry. 

Okay, that was good enough for now. Good job Matt. I know you were tired but glad you were able to write some stuff out.

[kennexmccoyy]

Almost Human challenge: 3/10

favorite bad girl - Danica

[fedearielsbigworld]

Almost Human 10 Day Challenge

favorite almost human male character

favorite almost human female character

favorite almost human bad guy

favorite almost human scene

favorite almost human jorian scene

favorite almost human funny scene

favorite almost human otp

favorite almost human episode

favorite almost human moment

favorite almost human whatever you want

use the tag ahchallenge

Since the Jorian and the funny scenes are coming up later I decided to go with the one scene that made me cry.. That was the first and one time I ever cried because of a TV show moment.. I'm not the kind of guy that cries, in fact, I don't think I cry more than once a year, so.. imagine how huge this moment was to me lol 

http://twitter.com/FedeArielS

[thedailyhepburn]

Day 1: Your Favorite Thing About Audrey

Audrey struck me first and foremost with her beauty but that's not the best thing I like about her.

I love her for being a truly good person, that her past experiences (war, not getting into ballet because she's too tall,divorce) humbled her and keep her grounded.

To say it in our own idiomatic expression: "Walang masamang tinapay"

Her humbleness makes her endearing to me.

[crazymja]

AH- Challenge Day 29

Well, I guess it is never too late to lock back in... am I right? Shoutout to my boy Richard, as He gently reminded me about my writing blogs haha. As I write this, I reflect on why I did this in the first place. I can remember that transferring my thoughts from my head to "paper" has allowed me to really process authentically and honestly how I am doing. As always I find myself in a mixture of a good and bad state. While there are a lot of good things going on, I still find myself being able to pinpoint and potentially overly dwell on the negative. Transition....

What I really want to write down is this idea of enmeshment. Wow, what a powerful word that truly captures the dynamics I been facing.. What is enmeshment? Well to be continued tomorrow morning...

[crazymja]

AH Challenge - Day 12

I said I would be honest. Getting lit personally for me makes me want to make some unwise decisions. Not my best moment. I know this not what the Best Version of Matt God has would need to experience the true joy He is looking for.

Thanks N

I appreciate the homies forever, Ty, Jay, Nate, Scottie. 🤧

[crazymja]

AH Challenge - Day 11

Find the treasure in the trials

God can do more in 5 minutes than I can do in hours

God works in mysterious ways

I want to learn to trust and follow God simply for who He is, not what He promises or offers.

I thank you God for my trials. Let me Consider Joy in these times

[crazymja]

AH Challenge - Day 10

We did it! We survived another day. After coming off a few days feeling like we want to quit, we survived. Thank you God!

Shoutout to the Therapist and God for revealing the truth amongst what felt like a thick encompassing foggy of fear and worry.

We hit legs today. And wow I never sweated more in my entire life haha. Humbling, humbling, humbling. But hey, we gotta start somewhere.

Just really proud of myself. Thank you God for amazing mom, aunt and cousin who I shared a patience testing wonderful dinner.

Excited for tomorrow!!

[crazymja]

AH Challenge - Day 9

Well I missed posting yesterday but hey… it is all good! Not gonna allow the all or nothing perfect mentality take me out.

Yesterday was tuff! Sleep schedule be whack and I be tormented with the lies of the enemy. I genuinely wanted to give up. Fear was too much. Worries were to overwhelming. Anxiety was too real.

While I am writing after surviving what seemed impossible, I just can’t help but think about how powerful the lies must have been to hold me captive.

Like this happens a lot. I get so scared, I just don’t do anything. Yet, it seems every time I survive.

I take this experience as another opportunity lived that when those fears come in, I can remember that I can do it and I won’t die lol

[crazymja]

AH Challenge - Day 8

Like F*ck I am tired. I know the journey of transformation was never going to be easy but Zamn. Today be one of those days were you feel like everything be against you. Started from not getting up on time, late to work, lack of energy, and struggling in the gym. While that was the case, I am still proud of myself. I did it! I set out what I wanted to accomplish. I receive the self praise and right now chose to silence the lies telling me I am not good enough. PAUSE . . . PAUSE AGAIN . . . I keep thinking about how awesome it is that close friends are able to read about my journey and my day. Is there a temptation to maybe present my writing in a way that would appeal to people, yes? With that being the case however, I am happy to say I have remained authentically honest and I plan to continue to do so. I feel very content right now and I will end here. Not sure what tomorrow holds, but I move with confidence that I will get through it one thing at a time.

[crazymja]

AH Challenge - Day 7

Me against me, or is it Satan against me? I am not sure. All I can say is today I just been filled with the awareness that I always seem to have a choice.

Do I chose to allow my tiredness to mean I just be lazy or do I go to the gym. Do I allow the disrespect I showed to my parents just sit or do I sincerely apologize? Do I listen to music or listen to my audio book in the car? Do I choose to dwell on what people think or simply let go?

These thoughts came into my head today and I am happy to say I was victorious with many. Notice how I didn’t say perfect.

It really is a game of thoughts for me right now. Like really pushing myself and realizing I can chose different. I can be different. I can become something different. So I guess that’s where I get the idea of me versus me. My old self and the becoming of my new self.

I want to add that God has really begun to soften my heart for other. I saw people with disabilities and elderly people and just people not in community. To see the joy and also the smiles almost the hardship reminds me how tough this world is and how I want to really see people as individuals who are just trying their best. More importantly seeing them that God really loves them.

Las thing, is I really want to grow in my discipline and get this cut over with 🥴

[crazymja]

AH Challenge - Day 6

I genuinely think I may have had one of the best days of my life today.

I felt so loved. Like man, as I’m writing this I’m genuinely just in awe.

All I can genuinely (yes I know I’m using it repetitively) say is God is really real.

While I am still in the process of learning to hear His voice and have my undeniable experience with Him, I basically can say with confidence…. “ I see you Big G!”

Like all I can say is thank you! Thank you God! Thank you to all my friends! Thank you to my brothers in Christ.

It’s funny I get to this point of the blog and I finally have the courage to say more.

Thank you Eugene! Hitting Legs today and the hat like wow man I just felt so happy and proud of you and myself. I am so inspired to continue to work hard, try new things, and continue my workout journey …. Including building legs.

Thank you to the Pinoy Wanna be Basketball Players of Newlofe Harbor City. Like the fact we all got up, despite being tired, despite going to Seaside and Travyn showing up at 8:11, like wow. I just can’t help but smile so big… #nodiddy. Kuya Luke I pray and thank you for the opportunity to pray for you. I know God really is a healer and in His timing will get you right.

Thank you Tyler. You were an answered prayer! God quieted the voices and lies and literally gave me the OG energetic angel to accompany me to such a fun event.

It’s beyond refreshing to just look back on the day and say… wow.

Lastly, I want to thank my Dad. As we couldn’t decide where to eat, we ended up going to Coco Ichiban and I was so thrilled. I was craving it as I am unintentionally carb cycling this weekend. Funny story, this man had it for lunch, but he still drove me there and we ate together. Dad I love you and I am so happy for you.

Like as cliche as it is, all glory to God! He loves me, he loves you, he loves everyone and His love is so big that I am learning to receive all the love he offers me

[crazymja]

AH Challenge - Day 5

Wow what a day ladies and gentlemen. I woke up not only early but I woke up more alive than ever! I am so proud of myself for just making great decisions today. Was I perfect, no way! I can think of numerous ways I fell short. Even with that as the case, I find myself here typing this with a smile on my face.

God is really so funny. I still don’t quite understand Him and I know I never fully will. I just know he works. He works in mysterious ways. He works in people. He works in gatherings. He works in songs. He works in food. And the truth is that I He really works and wants to work in me.

The thing that I guess God was pressing on my heart tonight was the idea that His love is so vast, I can accept ALL of the Love He offers and it will still be more than enough for every single person in the world in more.

As someone who cares and feels for people, it’s hard for me to think… God why would you want to love me!? Instead I want you to love others. What’s crazy and I’m working to believe is that He can love me and in doing so it’s not taking away from the abundant love he has for others!

Tap in 🫡

#

[crazymja]

AH - Challenge Day 4

Whats your ETA? Welp funny story as I was journeying to a favorite coffee shop of mine. Thought I selected the right location, and realized when I was close that it wrong. Tried a second time and yet again I selected the wrong one. Was I frustrated... yes! Did I laugh as well... yes! Good News is that I made It and I am so glad I did. Today is my rest day and lets just say we didn't get off to the hottest of starts. With that being the case, I still was able to flip the switch and go do something! The day before I talked about going to a cafe and just reading. And well with just a few hours before Thursday night service I am excited that I am going to do just that. While there is still the rest of the day to win, I am happy that I got up and now are back in the fight!

[crazymja]

Day Two - AH Challenge

Welp haha here I am technically on Day Three Writing about Day Two. Am I upset, yes, but is it okay that I missed the day, yes. Nothing that we can do about it now other than just getting back up and bouncing back. Yesterday I got a flat tire on my way to getting the crispy pata fade. Like I barely made it haha! I was so stressed out, but God sent an Angel, Ricardo from Falcon Towing. Miracles man! Here is the kicker, For the past week I had warning signs go off that my tires were low on PSI. Did I ignore them, Yes. Did I think they were optional, Yes. Well lets just say that we are not going to do that again. I think about how God gives us warning signs when we are going to end up doing something wrong or hurting ourselves. Like me, you can probably find it annoying yet they truly are for our own safety. So moving forward, I plan to tap in and become more familiar and trusting to the loving warning signs of God.

[crazymja]

Day Three - AH Challenge

Tired. I am Tired. Today I learned that maybe I am not actually tired. Maybe my body has learned that when it’s stressed, overwhelmed etc. it uses fatigue as a way to de-escalate my feelings.

Well today I felt the fatigue, but still I was able to win the day. While I may not have been perfect, I found that I can give myself grace by giving myself a target range of acceptable success!

This really hit home when working out as I found out that in some sets I can always be perfect and get my 10 reps. Instead I can continue to try my best and go till failure, even if that means I only get 8. These gave me the idea of operating in a range, and in this case the 8-10 range.

I love this concept as it frees me from the major negative perfectionistic critic yelling in my ear.

We running a marathon baby, not a sprint! 🫡

#AuthenticallyHonest #Day3 #AHChallenge #Range