#all jedi should be weird but luke is weirder because he doesn’t even have any context for this shit.

[mearchy]

The best fics are the ones that recognize that although Luke Skywalker may APPEAR on the outside to be a normal friendly twink who happens to have cool powers, especially when contrasted with such ship partners as Boba or Din or even Han, he is arguably the scariest person alive in the galaxy around the prequel era. AND, crucially, he is also a fundamentally weird guy. This man was homeschooled on a rural farm his entire life and then apprenticed to a swamp gremlin who showed him how to tap into the cosmic power of the universe. He blew up the death star age 19, killing approx 2 million-ish Imperials. He is a vortex of Force power that can communicate with the ghosts of dead Jedi. He’s staring into the distance and mumbling to himself and doing Yoda aphorisms and casually pulling out the “yeah I could crush that guy into a paste with my mind (:” and nobody around him knows what to do with that. I think he is a character who has very little frame of reference for how a Jedi or a person in general is supposed to act and there is some thing about him that is by necessity really fucking weird and a little scary but he’s so nice that it can throw you off the scent a little bit. Thanks for coming to my TED talk

[kazbrekkerrs-remade]

tlj review no one asked for lol

tumblr is a hellsite so I had to rewrite a good chink of this yikes not spoiler-free so here’s a cut

So overall I liked the film? I found the Kylo/Rey shit a bit weird, not because I’m that petty (I can actually swallow my pride on occasion, contrary to popular belief), but because it was too sudden, rushed, and a tad OOC, for Rey at least. I also felt like there was this “there’s no good or bad, it’s all war” agenda they were pushing, which I would agree with in certain cases, such as a fight for land or power, but in my mostly humble opinion, any fighting that rises in retaliation to oppression is justified. I also hated how they cashed in on the Rey parentage theory, and then they were like “lol they were just drunkards”, which honestly sucks to me because they exaggerated it so much and it was so anti-climactic, and it also made no sense, it’s?? the Skywalker saga?? There were so many parallel’s between Rey and Luke?? Rey and Han connected pretty much instantly?? and seeing as how Rey is really really strong with the force, it just doesn’t make much sense to me that she’s not related to any prominent force-sensitive character that we already know. Overall I’d give it 4/5 out of ten because though I have issues with it, it was still a very enjoyable experience, especially towards the end.

So anyway now here’s me talking about individual things and also screaming (and a lot less formal that paragraph over there)

The movie opens with Poe making a fool out of Hux I’m knjhbvgcfc

“Finn naked leaking running” ghjngffffffh

I remember ages ago seeing a post around the lines of “Imagine if Rey gives Luke the lightsaber and he just tosses it off the cliff like ‘It’s time for the Jedi to end YEET’ and I can’t find it (if you can please send me a link) and that’s EXACTLY what went down I’d think that person leaked something if it wasn’t quite frankly a bit predictable, still funny tho

When Luke says “Reach out” and Rey sticks out her hand shjgfgg she’s so cute

YES so getting to the Rey/Kylo shit, the transition from hating him to sympathy and whatever else came into play just...wasn’t smooth. It was faarrr too sudden, and while Rey is a good person, she’s not Luke. In TFA she had a lot of anger underneath and for her to just be so *shruggie* with Kyle just did not make any sense to me. 

Also what the fuck was the shirtless Kyle scene 

Why were his pants so high jhgfcdgh

It gets infinitely weirder when you think about how Snoke apparently was controlling this? Yikes we gotta kinkshame Snoke now

Rose is so cute I hate how she was sidelined in the promotional material but she did play an important role and if they kill her I’m suing Lucasfilm

Rey really did That

The cinammon topography....I love all the red

The Luke wanting to kill Kyle thing was very OOC to me but also not? Like it wasn’t at all Luke as we know him but I guess no one is perfect damn (it’s still OOC)

That whole scene through the casino, the Fathiers (or whatever) and escaping was so beautiful 

Y’all could bring back Yoda bu not Hayden Anakin...

That whole thing IMO would just be better with Anakin? Like first of all you expect me to believe old, traditional, head-up-his-ass Yoda supported burning down the books

Anakin talking to Luke about how the Jedi order was indeed fucked up and maybe seeing how he feels about Kylo...that would be the Good Shit

The big ass cruiser ship cutting through the First Order ship....amazing

Ok I’ll admit before the film I could Not stand Kyle at all but during it I was like “Ok maybe I can warm up to him” and then he’s like “Let go, we can rule the galaxy together” YEET never mind he’s still a liar and a bitch

I will admit however I liked Kylo killing Snoke 

jhgfdg so Rey and Kylo against the the guards together thingy objectively looks good but also off because as a wise woman (Daisy Ridley) once said “She [Rey] is so strong and he [Kylo] is so weak”

huhhooolllyy shit that bit where Rey drops the lightsaber then catches it with her other hand...I lost my shit right there and then

Lowkey upset because I wanted a sick ass duel between Rey and Kylo (In which Rey, predictably, kicks his ass) that I could bust a nut to like I did in TFA but ahh well maybe ep IX, for now I have Finn/Phasma 

HE BROKE HER HELMET!! I’M JHGFGH

((give Finn a lightsaber again you cowards)) 

SO back to the Rey/Kylo shit

KYLE: Let go, join me, and we can rule the galaxy together

ME: I’m so sorry Rey sweetie...someone should’ve told you...all men do is lie

Yikes only looking back do I realize how fucked up that was “You come from nothing and no one cares about except me so this is why you should rule with me” ugly

“The girl killed Snoke” You’re a bitch Kyle!! A bitch and a coward!!

Darth Vader I am so sorry;

Did I mention how amazing Finn kicking Phasma’s ass was

Poe is learning...he gon’ be a leader one day..Leia’s rightful Heir

I can’t believe I had to watch Luke die...at least he’s at peace..

THE HUG!!! THE FINNREY HUG!!

the kiss between Finnrose was super cute too!!! ((me personally I found it lowkey one-sided, like Rose was into him, he wasn’t into her, which is maybe how it was written?))

I really loved that Poe and Rey have officially met now jhgfdhfggh I’m so unbelievably happy about that

I don’t want a Poe/Rey romantic thing tho but I’ve always felt like they’ll get along great....the dream team...sister from another mister/brother from another mother IDK I always thought they could have a really great friendship

“I’m Rey” “I know” is it because Finn gushes about her

starving us on stormpilot isn’t gonna solve shit m’dudes, the public has it’s mind made up!!

That kid with the resistance symbol thing better be in IX otherwise it’s bad writing!!

((this uuuhhh whole film was bad writing but shshhhhh i enjoyed it ok it’s the r*verdale of star wars I guess if r*verdale was redeemable in any timeline jhjgfsd))

And some short end notes:

I don’t think I heard the Imperial March even once???? I could be wrong but ohh my god I’ll be so mad if it isn’t in there what do you think that you’re too good for the imperial march? that it’s not iconic or something?? That shit goes so hard “da da da dadada da da da dadada DA DA DA DA DADAAA DA DADAAA

hmmm does kyle deserve that tho lol

Not making Rey related by blood to Anakin was a huge mistake ((predictable but!! sometimes shit just has to go like that??))

I read somewhere that rian johnson didn’t want this film to follow the ‘star wars pattern’ whatever the fuck that is but...this was so damn similar to ESB kjnhbgfcg

And I think that’s it?

If you read this whole thing thank you

UPDATE: I THOUGHT OF MORE SHIT

being like “oh Rey’s parents were drunks” is such a lazy move....this is not get out of jail free card I don’t know who told you this

let luke and leia grieve for han you assholes

can IX redeem this shitshow stay tuned

[shadowsong26fic]

Yet Another AU because I love these things

This idea actually came up in discussion with my Roommates last month, but I decided to do a Distaff variant instead b/c I’m so so sorry it was late. (Is still late...)

[The other AU outlines I’ve done can be found in the tag]

Anyway. We all love time travel fics, right? Here’s one with Luke. Tiny, precious, twelve-year-old* Luke.

Who jumps back to the last year/year and a half of the Clone Wars.

And lands on Ventress.

*Luke is possibly ten instead? Somewhere in that range, anyway. We’ll say twelve for now.

ANYWAY, Luke is off exploring/goofing off, as bored kids do, and he comes across a narrow, winding little canyon he’s never seen before.

“Huh,” he thinks. “Could’ve sworn I knew this part of the desert better than this.”

Naturally, he decides to see where it leads. He finished his chores early today, and there’s still a few hours before dark, so he has time. Adventure!

Except then things get...weird.

He could swear he’s only been walking an hour, but it’s suddenly dark. And, when he turns around to retrace his steps, all he sees is solid rock.

“I’ve got a Bad Feeling(tm) about this...”

There’s no way to go but forward, so he does. Especially when he catches a glimpse of a campfire flickering up ahead.

He knows there’s a good chance whoever built it is Not Friendly--he’s not an idiot--but he is beyond lost, he’s got no supplies...he figures it’s worth taking a chance. At least peeking a little closer. So he heads for the fire to ask for help.

And there, he finds Ventress! Ventress has just finished a job.

This is a few weeks after her and Obi-Wan vs. Maul and Savage.

Why is she camping in the desert? ...reasons.

So, this random kid comes up to her. This--bright, shiny, supernova-in-the-Force kid.

....okay, then.

Ventress really does not have time for this shit.

When he asks for her help, she considers telling him to get lost. See above, re: no time for this shit. Also, she’s really, really uninterested in babysitting a brat who was stupid enough to wander off in the desert like this.

Except the alternatives to keeping him are killing him (which would be...pointless, really; also she’s not super-interested with killing a random kid who’s no threat to her at this point in her timeline, unless she’s being paid for it), or sending him off to a slow death via desert or Sand People (which is just lazy; if you’re gonna kill someone, freaking do it.)

Besides, maybe his parents will pay her if she brings him home. Not a lot--he’s dressed like a small-time farmer--but, hey, every penny counts.

“You can stay here tonight,” she finally says. Might as well keep her options open.

He brightens. “My name’s Luke,” he offers.

“I don’t care,” she grumbles. “Go to sleep.”

Things get...messy...the next morning.

See, that bounty Ventress just collected? Someone else thinks it was his, and resents her poaching.

He and a bunch of his heavily-armed friends track her down, catching up with her and Luke just as they’re breaking camp.

Naturally, a fight ensues.

Ventress is exceptional, but vastly outnumbered.

Luke is tiny and inexperienced, but a) he knows the desert, b) he’s a decent shot, and c) he can hotwire a speeder in under thirty seconds.

Suffice to say, with Luke being a major contributor, they kick some ass and escape unharmed on a bike Luke stole from one of the other bounty hunters.

Ventress grudgingly admits that the brat was kind of useful back there, and he possibly just saved her ass a little bit--or at least spared her some inconvenient and painful injury--so maybe she shouldn’t demand a ransom after all.

She sighs, and instructs him to pull over so she can drive--kid’s good, but she has her dignity to think of--and tells him she’ll take him home, make sure he gets there safe, then take the bike and leave.

Things get weird again when they get to the Lars homestead.

Luke has her stop at the edge of the property. “This isn’t right,” he says, biting his lip. There’s supposed to be another building right there; he and Uncle Owen just finished putting it up last season. And the closest vaporator is an older model; one he vaguely remembers trying to climb as a toddler, before it was replaced.

Also, he’s pretty sure that old man is his step-grandfather, who died before he was even born.

“What about it?” Ventress asks. She can feel the Force swirling around them, around Luke, like ripples spreading out from a stone dropped in a pond.

“This is my uncle’s farm, but it’s wrong.”

And he sort of--sort of--has a clue, because there’s Stories, about people wandering into the desert and coming back to find that years have passed in a night. But things are a different kind of wrong. He’s never heard about anyone going backwards. Besides, that’s all they were--stories. Right?

He takes a deep breath. “What year is it?” he asks, after a long minute.

She quirks an eyebrow and tells him.

“That doesn’t make sense!” He blurts out what year it’s supposed to be.

Which...actually does make a weird amount of sense to her. Because of the way he casts ripples in the Force, if nothing else.

And, honestly, she’s seen weirder crap than time-travelling twelve-year-olds. She led a zombie army, for crying out loud.

Luke is freaking out a little bit, so she punches him to get him to shut up.

She points out that, while ideally he gets back to his own time, he still needs to survive until he figures out what the hell happened, let alone how to reverse it. “Lucky, you have a home where you can wait all that out.”

(A part of her knows that’s a stupid idea--whatever brought him back here, either it’ll work in its own damn time or he’ll need information he sure as hell won’t get on tiny farm in the middle of nowhere on freaking Tatooine.)

“They don’t know me yet,” he says sadly, scuffing the ground a little.

....no, she insists to herself. She does not need a kid tagging along, especially one this bright with power who has no idea how the world works. At least in the here and now.

But he’s quick on his feet, and keeps a level head in a crisis.

And he is a decent shot.

And one hell of a getaway driver.

Besides, she can always ditch him later if he gets too annoying. Changing her mind in the other direction would be a lot harder.

“Fine,” she grumbles. “You can come with me. For now.”

“Okay,” Luke says. Where else would he go, anyway?

And thus begins the highly entertaining saga of Asajj Ventress luring twelve-year-old time-travelling Luke Skywalker into a Life of Crime.

Except, as the weeks and months pass, it becomes less her leading him into a life of crime (...well, it kind of is; he’s really, really good at stealing cars and Being a Distraction), and more her evaluating jobs based on how Sad Luke looks when she does something really unethical.

What, she thinks, what the hell is this. Why do I give a damn what the brat thinks? I did not sign up for a portable conscience! I am leaving him behind at the next port, I swear.

Except somehow she never does. She picks jobs that won’t disappoint Luke, and he uses his share of the profits to get shiny things that would make their ship so cool, Asajj.

Eventually, she gives up and accepts the inevitable. For as long as Luke is stuck in the past, he’s hers.

(She wishes, sometimes, that she could take him back to Dathomir, and introduce him to her sisters.)

(...important detail I forgot to mention before: she doesn’t know his full name. He didn’t give it when introducing himself, and she never bothered to ask.)

They probably have an Encounter with Boba Fett at some point.

Possibly Cad Bane or Hondo.

Maybe even BB!Han and/or Lando because why not.

So many possibilities...

Fast forward a bit. Luke and Ventress are hanging out on Coruscant, when she sees a familiar face with a  bounty attached.

(Anakin’s had some...weird...dreams the past few days. Not bad, not threatening, just...weird. Ever since he got recalled to investigate the Temple bombing. They’ve taken second place to said investigation, since they don’t seem to be urgent or anything, but--he’s maybe a little bit distracted.)

(Luke’s been dreaming, too. He told Asajj about them. She tells him to keep track of them, and tries to guide him through looking for what actual useful information might be in them, but dreams have never really been her strong suit...)

Anyway, Ventress tells Luke to stay in the apartment, and goes to Investigate.

The first bit, with Ahsoka, goes mostly as in canon.

With an added incentive for her pardon--if she’s free and clear, she can get Luke the help he needs, to figure out his dreams and find his way home.

(Honestly, she’s sort of surprised he hasn’t caught any eyes yet, shiny and powerful as he is. Jedi really are blind idiots.)

(And didn’t Dooku’s Master live on Coruscant? ...maybe she should take Luke somewhere safer...)

(After she helps Skywalker’s brat and earns her pardon.)

The part where she gets jumped by Barriss and loses her lightsabers does, too.

Except she called Luke to let him know she was on her way home. And when she doesn’t turn up, he goes looking for her.

And then Anakin tracks her down.

They fight; Ventress does her whole “Ahsoka and I have a lot in common. My master abandoned me, and that’s exactly what you did to her.”

That’s when she senses Luke getting close.

And, suddenly, it clicks.

Talk fast, she tells herself, because there’s no way this conversation ends well if Skywalker sees Luke now, with Tano still in play. (Because if he gets distracted and delays and fails to save his apprentice because of them...)

She gets out what she knows as quickly as possible.

Except Anakin senses him, too. And Ventress suddenly got tense and very to-the-point, with none of her usual banter.

But Ahsoka needs him right now; he has to fix that first.

But whatever’s going on here is Important; he knows that with every fiber of his being.

Besides, if Ventress is brushing him off, if she’s lying to him--

Anakin is thisclose to strangling her again when Luke comes charging in.

“Asajj!”

“I told you to wait for me in the apartment,” she snaps, trying to get between him and Skywalker before things get even more out of hand.

Anakin is VERY CONFUSED right now because what the hell is going on okay that’s definitely the presence I felt approaching but none of that explains why the hell Ventress has a kid with her.

Let alone why this kid feels so familiar.

Luke peers up at Anakin with big, puzzled blue eyes, trying to answer some of the same questions in his own mind.

“Don’t you have an apprentice to save?” Ventress cuts in, putting a hand on Luke’s shoulder and pulling him behind her.

(Luke tries to wriggle past her; settles for peering out from behind her back.)

“Ventress--” Anakin starts.

“Well?” she prompts. “And isn’t that rescue time sensitive?”

He continues to hesitate a breath longer. But she’s right. He knows she’s right. 

"Maybe we can help,” Luke pipes up.

That, at least, seems to get through Skywalker’s thick skull. “No, I’ve got this,” he says. Then he glowers at Ventress. “But after I talk to Barriss--”

“I’ll be here, Skywalker,” she says, then, realizing her mistake, claps a hand over Luke’s mouth before he can blurt something out and hold the Jedi here any longer. “Run along now.”

He almost rises to the bait, then glances at Luke and turns and leaves again.

Ventress relaxes once Skywalker’s gone, and lets go of Luke’s mouth.

“He is not a navigator,” Luke says, sounding thoroughly awed.

“.......no,” she says. “Who told you he was?”

“My uncle,” Luke says. “He doesn’t talk about him much. He died before I was born.”

Ventress has a Very Bad Feeling(tm) about the future.

And she does some quick mental math.

Oh karking hell.

She takes Luke back to the apartment, and starts grilling him for details. Which she now realizes she probably should have done a long damn time ago.

Anakin, meanwhile, goes back to the Temple to confront Barriss. He’s still at least partway focused on that kid in the alley, which might affect the outcome of their duel.

She does still get captured, and Ahsoka’s innocence is still proved, though.

And Ahsoka still leaves.

So he’s still reeling, on several levels, when he goes back to look for Ventress and the kid.

He doesn’t have to look too hard; she lets him find them in an alley not too far from where they separated.

“Are you okay?” Luke asks.

“Sure,” he lies.

Luke looks up at Ventress, uncertain.

“Not here,” she says, and leads the way back to her apartment.

“I keep dreaming about you,” Luke blurts, as they walk. “I mean, I think I’m dreaming about you? It’s all sort of vague.”

Anakin thinks back on his own weird dreams the last few days, and nods. He has some kind of connection with this kid, and he can almost--

He stops, in the middle of the street. No...that’s not possible.

“Not here,” Ventress hisses. Luke takes his hand and tugs it.

They get to the apartment, and Luke confirms what Anakin has started to guess.

“I’m Luke Skywalker,” he says. “I’m from the future. And I’m your son.”

For a minute, Anakin just stares at him, because this can’t be real; he and Padme are so careful, and time travel is not a thing.

But he can feel the truth of what Luke is telling him.

Ventress waits until he settles, then follows up with a bombshell of her own.

“You know I’m not your friend. Or your Order’s. But I am Luke’s friend. And based on what he’s told me, about how and where he grew up--raised by people I had never heard of, and believe me, I know who most of your friends are. So we think something awful is about to happen. We don’t know what, exactly, but a lot of people are going to die.” She sighs. “And I suppose we want to help you stop it.”

...and that’s about as far out as I have planned in detail. But Padme, of course, will be brought in on this pretty much right away. Ventress will probably drag Obi-Wan in even if Anakin refuses; he owes her a favor and they parted on reasonably good terms, and he’s good at this sort of thing (“He looks a lot like Ben,” Luke muses, after meeting him; which just raises more questions), and once Luke shares the Emperor’s name...

Shit is going to Go Down.

Bonus:

MEANWHILE, BACK IN THE FUTURE

After Ben realizes Luke is missing, he sends a message to Bail, and then goes to try and find him...

[isaakfvkampfer]

fic rec and fic-induced headcanon

Some SW fics I really love and would like to recommend. Some may be considered reaaaaaally weird and mind-blowing but all of them are brilliant! They inspired me and now my headcanon is reaaaaaaally fucked-up... You might want to read these fics first bc my half-borrowed headcanon is full of spoilers for them.

Out of the Dark Valley http://archiveofourown.org/works/6281581/chapters/14393407 Breaking the Future to His Hand http://archiveofourown.org/series/525610 Not In His Plans http://archiveofourown.org/works/5111396/chapters/11759570 Rococo http://archiveofourown.org/works/9101827 Sedition http://archiveofourown.org/works/8836729

Don’t read this half-borrowed headcanon if you are not prepared. It’s really fucked-up.

Plagueis is basically gay and he likes young boys. Palpatine is asexual and he only has an eye for power. The old perv uses Palps for several decades in every way, for he is the Master and Palpatine is only an apprentice at the time. Like in the Plagueis book, he dreams that they will rule the galaxy together, and Palpatine gets rid of him with Force-lightening. (This paragraph can be seen as a summary for Darth Videtur’s Breaking the Future to His Hand series. It’s her headcanon.)

Obi-Wan pines for Qui-Gon. Unfortunately, the latter is basically straight. He wasn’t that hard-core when he was younger, but his relationship with his Master which was full of unexplained sexual tension ruined it. He has been a lady’s man since then. He and Tahl had been dancing delicately around each other since they had known each other. Tahl died, of course. Qui-Gon treats Xanatos like a son he has never had but raising him in the Jedi way just makes it worse. Xanatos’ betrayal breaks him. He knows Obi-Wan has a thing for him but pretends he never sees it. Qui-Gon has a unique way of hurting those he cares most. He never realizes it. Not before he dies.

Pansexual Obi-Wan leaves a trail of ex-girlfriends/boyfriends/animal friends and unrequited love affairs. Some of his lovers are dead. And those relationships happen to be the ones he treats more seriously. He sees Anakin as a son and when his padawan grows older, a brother. He appreciates Anakin’s striking beauty, talent and vigor. If the young man courts him after he’s knighted, Obi-Wan won’t say no. He treats intimate relationships like a Jedi that even many of his fellow Jedi can’t understand. He finds that Anakin falls head of heels for the ex-Queen of Naboo and decides to respect Anakin’s choice so he never mentions it to others. He thought that Anakin was straight. Obi-Wan gets into a non-working relationship with Cody. 80% friend-with-benefits, 20% something else. Cody is gonna made a move for Obi-Wan when Order 66 happens.

No matter what Obi-Wan thinks, Anakin is not that straight, and he never thinks Obi-Wan as his brother, only a father figure, teacher and friend. He is attracted to Naboos. Like a duck reckons the first thing it sees as its mother, Anakin is greatly influenced by the Naboos he encounters. His crush for Padme should have stayed as it is, a crush, but it’s not. It’s been smothered for too long and becomes an obsession. Anakin also falls for Palpatine. His day-to-day life in the Temple and relationship with Obi-wan(the mixed working and family relationship), the entertaining and relaxing out-of-Temple time with Palpatine(friendship), and his imaginary romantic relationship with a girl he hasn’t seen in 10 years were the three fulcra for his life as a padawan. He opresses two of them – for the Jedi can never know about it – and the third one just grows and draws some elements from the other two. Thus his secret pining for Palpatine. Besides, he thinks Palpation is as Force-sensitive as a brick so his mind can run freely when they are together...(Thanks to Not in His Plan I got on this ship...)

When Anakin meets Tarkin in TCW, they become good friends. He starts to doubt many things. And Palpatine and Tarkin being old friends doesn’t help in quietening those doubts.

Ahsoka and Barris come together and end up in a relationship after Order 66. Barris was bitter about Ahsoka before the Temple bombing incident. (This headcanon is taken straight out of the prequel story of Out of the Dark Valley.)

The Empire replaces the Republic. Tarkin and Vader are the infamous Imperial terror duo. Their friendship remains. Vader soon discovers that Anakin Skywalker’s estimation of Tarkin’s private life is totally wrong. Tarkin is no celibate middle-aged work-driven gentleman. He’s been popular since his school days. He conquers women, men – all humans of course – but stays single. The relationship is never long. Years passes, and Vader discovers that he is the only one aware of this.

Palpatine’s propaganda advocates that working hard day and night is the only way to gain power, money and respect. Vader, Tarkin and he himself are the poster boys – look at us, single, rich and powerful and you all should WORK HARD AND PRAISE OUR NEW ORDER~~ Sate Pestage has been pining for him for decades. He has known him since the Emperor was an ambitious and handsome red-head Naboo noble. His devotion to Palps never wavered even if the other man has changed greatly. Palpatine knows that, of course. He keeps manipulating him without guilt.

Rumor mills run high that Grand Admiral Thrawn has a thing for the ysalamiris he keeps around. The ysalamiris are on his command chair, in his bedroom, under his sheets, anywhere he goes. It started in the joke mills. Some lowly officers’ drunk words. It evolves quickly and the originators quit the job and run to hide under some stones in the Wild Space or the Unknown Region after they discovered what they had done.

(This one starts basically as an AU of Rococo and takes many critical events off Out of the Dark Valley in later plots) Leia offers to marry Tarkin in exchange for the survival of Alderaan. Tarkin agrees, but he also states that the Death Star will stay in orbit around the planet before the wedding is complete. The wedding is held three days later. Bail has informed the Alliance to move the base off Yavin IV and in no condition should they contact Alderaan again. The day after the wedding, Tarkin takes Leia back to the Death Star and asks her to contact his father to disarm any form of planetary defense and give up the location of the Alliance’s base. Leia wants to negotiate. She tells Tarkin that the Alliance has changed its base and they don’t know where. Tarkin smirks and tells the operator to fire when ready. Leia nearly gets onto her knees. She asks if there’s any way that he will leave Alderaan alone. Tarkin says there’s none. Seconds later, Alderaan is gone.

Things of the fic Sedition happens. Tarkin and Vader’s relationship is getting even weirder.

Leia tries to assassinate Tarkin countless times but to no avail. Rumours spread around the Alliance that Leia is now an Imperial. Tarkin told Leia about the history of the Republic from another angle. Leia’s worldview has changed but she doesn’t want to believe it. In her heart she knows she is more an Imperial than she would like to be. Anyway, this won’t affect her plans for revenging Alderaan. Once an Alliance assassin comes to kill her, for Alliance comes across serious setbacks which is actually the spies in their own base’s doing but blames it on Leia. Leia is in another attempt of assassining Tarkin and she nearly succeeds before the Alliance assassin ruins it. The poor man is Force-choked by Leia in her rage and Tarkin finishes the job with a shot. Tarkin is intrigued that Leia is Force-sensitive. He tells Vader about it. Vader is in need of an apprentice. Leia has other plans and she does need training.

Vader has been searching for his son Luke Skywalker at the time. He doesn’t get Luke. He does get Obi-Wan. He uses some Force-illusions to convince the stormtroopers that in his fight with his old Jedi Master, the old man vanishes into thin air and becomes a Force ghost. That’s not the truth. The truth is that he betters Obi-Wan in combat and secretly imprisons him. He actually has no plan to kill his old teacher even if he’s been fantasizing it since Mustafar. And Obi-Wan tells Vader that there’s one secret that no one knows now except him. Vader knows it’s true and he also knows torturing is no use and he can’t get into the other man’s head without killing him. Obi-Wan stays on the Executor as Vader’s secret prisoner.

Luke and Han Solo are Alliance’s last hope. They make trouble all around the Empire. Palpatine knows that Vader is looking for Luke. He just sits comfortably in his throne far away in Coruscant and watches with popcorns in one hand and a goblet of Naboo blossom wine in another.

Han and Luke gets in one Imperial gala in disguise as some alien species. They find Leia. Luke says that he and Han don’t believe the girl he saw in R2-D2’s holo projection will take the Empire’s side, and they are smuggling her out. Leia refuses to go with them. Against her better judgement, she admits that she is learning from Darth Vader so she could kill Tarkin one day and even the Emperor himself. She doesn’t say she wants to kill Vader because she learns that for all the closeness between Vader and Tarkin, the Dark Lord actually hates the Death Star. Besides, she knows that without Vader’s help, she can’t take out Palpatine.

Luke is pissed. He tells Leia that Vader kills his father. They don’t notice in their heated discussion the said Dark Lord silently comes.

“I am your father!”

“NOOOOOOOOO!”

Han is made into a wall decorator, because he sees something in Solo’s eyes when he looks at his son, and he DOESN’T LIKE IT. Vader then gifts him to Thrawn as a return of favor – he has promised the Chiss one day he would get him some unique art that he has never seen. He doesn’t care if the Grand Admiral appreciates his dark humor.

At some point Vader has moved Obi-Wan to Tarkin’s flagship, Executress. He can’t risk Palpatine’s inspection. Tarkin seldom stays on his flagship any more. He spends most of his time on the Death Star. Luke is put into the cell next to Obi-Wan. Vader wants to know if these two old acquaitances get together, Obi-Wan might loose his tongue.

Luke expresses his frustration at Han being taken and his anger for Leia refusing to come with them which led to their capture. He also confesses Princess Leia looks fantastic in person and is the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen blahblahblha. Obi-Wan doesn’t expect that, and in a hurry he tells Luke that Leia’s his twin sister. Both Tarkin and Vader got the video feeds. Vader is too stunned to think of anything else, while Tarkin comes to the most bizzare realization of his life that he just sleeps with both father and daughter.

--The End—

Well, Tarkin might be considering eliminating Palpatine along with Coruscant by using the Death Star. I think Leia and Vader have to convince him otherwise. They might need to kill him idk. Thrawn hasn’t decided what he is gonna do about the Death Star. It’s both a threat and a unique weapon. He might decide to use it just once against the lurking unknown threat. With his passive-aggressive way against the Alliance, the latter survives longer.