#allesisleuk

[familiekes]

multipotentialite

Of een multipotentialite zijn een geheime vaardigheid is, weet ik niet. Soms is het eerder een last omdat één ding kiezen lastig is.

[sexistfacebookdudes-blog]

Hello :) I have a problem and I don't really know where to go with it so I thought maybe you or your followers could help me. My problem is this: I find it very difficult to call people out on their bigotry (in real life situations). This is partly due to my social anxiety, but I'm also very bad at phrasing my thoughts in a coherent way and coming up with compelling arguments, especially when I'm properly angry. It really annoys me because calling people out is so important. Any ideas? Thanks!

Well, I am terribly non confrontational in real life. And I often don't get angry til way after the thing has actually happened.

But what I've found useful is - don't even explain in the moment. I just say 'I'm going to need you to never use that word around me again' or 'if you wanna hang out again please never play a video with content like that' or whatever. At the time if they push it I just say 'I can explain later if you like but right now just decide whether you'd rather say things like that or see me again'. People generally don't want to lose a friend or whatever, and then come to you later really receptive to an explanation and discussion for which you can collect your thoughts, or even send them things to read. You can say it like 'hey since you're my friend would you do me this favour of not doing x'. When you talk, make it clear you don't blame them or think they're terrible, it's just something they didn't know but now they do. (like unless they're awful people then just get away from them!)

It also helps because it's not some abstract thing (particularly if what they said wasnt directed at a group you're in), it's like 'your action A will have the direct consequence B and it will take effect right now unless you stop', not 'let's have a heated argument about social justice issues that don't affect you and you don't know about then storm out of the pub separately'.

If they're people I'm never going to see again, I've found excusing myself and say something like 'goodnight, I'm afraid I cannot stay and be part of a conversation like this' is effective. It's super embarrassing for people. I've actually had people find me through friends of friends of friends to offer an apology in cases like that.

Does anyone else have suggestions? I don't have personal experience with social anxiety so I'm not sure if these would be helpful for you!