#almost dying daily and a psychic link make timelines wibbly wobbly to me

[with-ink-and-quill]

The Sound of Your Voice

Pairing: Astarion x Tav

Tags: demisexual Tav! (they/them) mostly flirting and sass, but brief mentions of rejection trauma, Act 1 compliant

Summary: It was supposed to be a quiet morning, but a short, bitter exchange between Astarion and Shadowheart has Tav paying just a little too much attention to how words are shared.

Word Count: 4999

AO3

A/N: Yeah I don't have much for this, it just kind of happened lmao please enjoy and if you want more uhh drop a like/reblog and hopefully my brain will throw out more ideas

The sky was still tinged with the dusty colors of dawn as the camp slowly woke up. Gale was sleepily digging through the collected rations, stifling yawns as he gathered ingredients for breakfast. Karlach was still snuffling out soft snores by the fire, the embers smoldering closest to her. Shadowheart was perched at the water's edge, pressing cold water to her face to chase away sleep. Lae'zel was beginning her morning stretches, the shining greatsword making slow sweeps through the air to cut down her imagined foes. Wyll was sitting by the fire near the sleeping tiefling looking barely more awake than her, but trying to encourage some life back into the wood. Astarion was still missing, assumedly out hunting or stealing some few quiet moments in the sun for himself. Tav was wearily sitting up in their bedroll, trying to rub the sleep from their eyes and cringing at the ache in their neck.

It was partly from sleeping on the ground and partly from the bite mark still healing from a few days ago. Shadowheart had offered to heal it properly the day it had happened, an unhappy slant to her mouth, but they had brushed her off with a smile. It was important to know the price, after all, and they had chosen to offer themselves. It didn't feel right to wave it away. They had relented to let the cleric properly dress the little wound, all too aware of the eyes staring down the vampire as it happened. The group had only been together for a few weeks, but everyone seemed a bit protective of Tav and a bit too ready to turn on the offending pair of fangs. No one had made more than a passing remark about it, at least, thanks in no small part to their insistence that they encouraged Astarion. That they trusted him. The man himself had been all smug smiles and shrugging confidence, but his gaze had been fixed on Tav through it all as if they were a queer puzzle; as if calculating where his next flash of teeth or dripping affections should be placed. It had sat uncomfortably on their shoulders ever since.

With a creaking yawn and shivering stretch, they rolled up their bed and plunked themselves next to Wyll. A murmuring good morning was exchanged, both of them equally half hearted in the attempt but smiling. They let a little bolt of fire spring from their fingers, properly igniting the logs the warlock had carefully propped back into order and he let the flint drop gratefully from his hands. They warmed themselves in peaceful quiet for a moment before the man was called over by Gale. Something about catching some fish for a refreshing breakfast and how the wizard could collect them himself with magic, but it was such a nice morning to ruin it with carnage. Tav smiled, huffing a quiet little laugh as they drooped forward on the log, eyes sliding closed. They were simply still tired from waking so early, that was all.

The log shifted as someone sat next to them and they started slightly, jerking awake as if preparing to get scolded. Shadowheart was perched next to them, doing a poor job to hide a laugh at their reaction. Her hair was neatly braided, not a single sign that the cleric had been resting even ten minutes prior. Her face was the usual mask of distant interest and hidden thoughts, but her eyes were fixed on the white bandage at their neck. They ran a hand almost nervously through their hair.

"Are you still exhausted, Tav?" She asked, not bothering to waste time with the check in this morning. "I confess little experience with such bites, but it worries me that you're still affected days later. Are you sure I can't heal it properly? We wouldn't want you to drop in battle over it."

They held their hands up defensively, shaking their head. "It's fine, I'm fine, honestly." They smiled, trying to disarm her worry. "I think it's just because of the last few days. Infiltrating the goblin camp has been a lot and letting that follower of Loviatar perform his, erm… ritual right after the bite was probably a poor idea on my part."

She huffed slightly, crossing her arms. "You didn't let me heal you after that, either. I am a competent cleric, you know. You don't have to rely on potions to fix everything."

"I know, I know!" There was a soothing tone to their voice, an almost sheepish look on their face. "I just… think there are better uses of your magic than fixing my choices. If we had gotten caught trying to find the druid, I figured it would be better if you had every option available in the fight. Being a little woozy isn't enough to take me out, anyways."

A heavy sigh escaped her as she shook her head. "You're hopeless, you know that? Our leader shouldn't be unsteady on their feet in a fight because they thought it was a good idea to let a vampire spawn use them as a snack." The term had fallen from her lips with venom, disdain obvious.

"Don't." The word snapped out before they caught themselves, a surprised look plain on their face before they rushed forward. "Um, please, don't call him a spawn. Not like that."

Her brows were furrowed, confused and a little annoyed. "Why ever not? It's exactly what he is."

They floundered for a moment, a hand spinning in the air as they tried to detangle their thoughts from a sleep addled mind. "It's, um, it's the way you said it. Like he's some gross creature instead of our companion."

She snorted, "Well…"

"I don't like it." They murmured, their mouth forming an unhappy line and eyes downcast. "We don't pick what we are or what our past was like. Maybe it's a little optimistic or soft of me, but if nothing else this whole situation is kind of like a new beginning, you know? We get to define ourselves again. I don't want to judge you all based on things that already happened, on ideas that others forced on us. You're all my dear companions and we're in this together. Our choices from here on matter more, right?"

"You're right, that is very soft." They both jumped at Astarion's voice coming from behind them suddenly, a wide grin on his bloody lips as they both turned to look at him. Shadowheart let out a little noise of disgust at the sight. "Do forgive my lack of decorum, I couldn't help but overhear you two on my way to wash up and felt the need to weigh in." He pointed a single delicate finger at the cleric. "You can call me whatever you like, I don't care. I'm honestly more surprised you can remember such disdain towards creatures like myself than I am offended by your tone considering the mess you let your dear goddess make of your head."

"Astarion!" Tav hissed, worry creasing their face as their eyes darted between the two.

Shadowheart's shoulders had climbed towards her ears as she pulled in a sharp breath, a look of thunder in her eyes. "Don't you dare try to talk to me about my holy mission. At least I have a purpose besides being a leech."

"At least I know what I'm about, darling." He countered smoothly, the smile on his lips all sharp edges.

"I didn't know slowly killing your own leader was such a strong identity to you." The cleric smirked, for all intents and purposes looking down on the vampire despite the height difference.

"Guys, please-" Tav tried to step between them, pleading, but they leaned closer together, sneering at each other as their voices rose.

"Careful, pet, I might try sampling you next. I do so enjoy a meal with spirit." His eyes were pure hunger as he loomed, a dire sight with blood still smeared around his mouth.

"Oh, do try. It'll be so fun to burn you to ash while you scream." Shadowheart was all cold angles and frigid looks, like a moonless night.

Tav was desperately trying to be heard over their barbs, frustration causing tears to prick their eyes. Why weren't they listening? This wasn't helping anything, but it was like nothing else existed beyond their vitriol for each other. A hand clutched at their shirt collar, trembling as they struggled to find the thread that would defuse the two before a large figure suddenly rose beside them. Karlach had woken up. They took a step back as she grabbed the offending party members by the scruff of their shirts and hauled them apart. She was quick to let go before her touch could properly cause harm, but it had been a sudden and very hot point of contact. They both yelped slightly, startled.

"It is too fucking early for you two to be yelling." The tiefling groused, voice thick with sleep still. "Can you go be school children out in the woods or something? Or better yet, stop freaking Tav out." They both snapped slightly guilty looks at the adventurer. "Great, good talk. I'm going to harass Gale for food now and if I hear yelling from either of you, I'm going to give you something to scream about."

As the warrior trudged over to where the wizard was cutting up veggies the two shot glares at each other. Tav was worried they were simply going to continue the fight, albeit a great deal quieter. They were about to bodily put themselves between them, but then Shadowheart let out an annoyed tch.

"This isn't over, Astarion." She snapped before smoothing out her rumpled shirt. "But Karlach is right. Besides, you aren't worth the breath."

He bodily rolled his eyes. "'Not over,' she says. Darling, it's been over before you even started swinging." And then he was suddenly too close to Tav, a finger hooked in the bandage around their neck and pulling gently. "Isn't that right, my sweet?" His voice was husked, dripping with smug affection and they couldn't help the blush that sprang to their cheeks as they slapped a hand over his. He laughed, eyes darting to the cleric. "You could just tell her instead of dancing around it every morning."

"Tell me what-" But then she stopped, realization dawning and her hands formed fists at her side. "Tav, have you been letting him feed from you this entire time?"

"I- um, well-" they stuttered, suddenly feeling very warm and lightheaded. "I mean, uh, sometimes- yes." The affirmation slipped free quietly as they deflated, defeated.

Shadowheart was pinching the bridge of her nose now as Astarion grinned devilishly at their side. "Oh, darkness preserve me," she muttered before rounding back on Tav. "I would have liked to know that. I can't make you stop indulging the spawn," and the word fell like another curse from her lips, "but I can at least counteract the effect. Next time, you are telling me and letting me heal you. I am not having this bastard be the reason you get hurt out there."

It wasn't a request, more of a demand, and they nodded numbly. "Okay. Sorry." They paused, almost vibrating with embarrassment. "Thank you, Shadowheart. For, um, caring, and trusting my decision."

"I think it's an incredibly stupid one, but we need all the help we can get, even from such pests." She hissed at Astarion before sighing, turning towards her tent. "And do wash up, Astarion. You look abysmal like that."

"Maybe to you! Tav seems to like it well enough." He was grinning wolfishly at them, eyebrow cocked.

They smothered a distraught noise in their hands, hiding. "Why did you do that?" They whined. "Now everyone knows."

"Are you ashamed, darling?" His tone had been jovial, teasing, but there was an edge in it.

"I mean, no, not exactly. It's just… we had a nice system and no one knew. They wouldn't say anything about it…" They were struggling again to sort out their feelings.

"Pet, they were going to notice the bandage never being taken off and always freshly applied." He was patting their head much like one comforts a sulking cat. "Besides, that was a far more fun reveal than letting them slowly piece it together."

"Then why do I feel mortified?" They groaned, dragging their hands over their face.

"You're a sweet, innocent creature unused to having such a devilishly charming specimen like myself showering you with affections." He offered brightly, linking an arm with theirs and leading them towards the water's edge.

"You are incorrigible." Tav sighed, begrudgingly letting themselves be pulled away from the warm fire.

"In all the best ways." He winked, flashing them a brilliant smile.

They nudged him playfully with their elbow and he laughed, the sound fresh and crisp to their ears. It caused their unease to melt instantly, a happy hum escaping them. They lingered a few steps behind him on the pebbled shore, perching on a rock as he knelt down. A hand hovered over the water, almost nervous, before he pressed it into the cold current. They thought idly how it must be a wonder for him, being in the sun and enjoying moving water without pain or worse. How the world must be so much fuller than he was used to. As he pressed handfuls of water to his lips, ruby streams washing away, they simply watched. The morning sun danced as silver light through his hair, glimmering in his crimson eyes, and shimmering in the water droplets he was wiping clean. He was dazzling in the daylight. It was easy to understand how so many had become his victims. There was a nagging worry in the back of their mind, wondering if they were simply his next mark. But then he was looking at them, that knowing smirk on his lips and crooked brow taunting and they couldn't help but smile.

"Enjoying yourself over there?" He teased, running a wet hand through his curls. "I am a rather distracting sight, aren't I?"

"The sun suits you." They murmured, lost for a moment in thought. "You're beautiful in its light."

He blinked at them, the usual charm melting away from the blunt compliment before it reasserted itself. He mimed an exaggerated swoon, grinning. "You can call me whatever you like if you keep showering me with such glowing compliments." Their mood seemed to fall at that, brows furrowing, and he let out a questioning hum as he stood to face them. "What is it, darling?"

They wrapped their arms around themselves, as if finally feeling the cold morning air. "Doesn't it bother you?" Their voice wavered slightly as they tried to delicately pick their words. "How people call you such terrible things, with such ugly sounds?"

He sighed, propping a hand on his hip as the other waved in the air. "I stopped dedicating so much energy to that decades ago. I'm achingly gorgeous and it's obvious they all know it, I see it in their eyes, hear it in how their hearts skip in my presence. What do I care if they call me spawn or leech when I know they're furious over how beautiful I am?" His free hand came to rest under his chin, framing his face as he fluttered delicate eyelashes at them. "I'd love it if they would simply flatter me like I deserve, but with their own bodies betraying their want, the scathing names can be just as enjoyable."

They were searching his face as he preened, trying to peel back the honeyed words to find the core of the feeling. There was a hollowness to him that they just couldn't quite place. A mechanical touch to his every move that was steadily confusing them the more time they spent together. It felt like a front of sorts, though they didn't quite grasp why he was always throwing it up. They wanted to reach out to him, cradle his face with tender hands and soothe whatever roiling ocean thrashed below his surface. They wanted to understand why he was always on the defense, dancing around them and keeping them at arm’s length.

Their mouth moved silently, awkwardly trying to form the desire into words. But their heart stuttered with fear, afraid that questioning him would cause him to dance further away, to melt into the sunlight and disappear. So instead they bit their lip, head bowing slightly as their hands tangled together in their lap. "It bothers me." They offered meekly. "We're supposed to be a team, helping each other get through this, but still they resort to such… such name-calling and bitterness. You haven't done anything to deserve being dismissed with spawn. You aren't a leech for needing blood to live. You aren't a pest simply because of your concern for yourself. Being different," their voice faltered, quiet, "doesn't make you less than others."

The rocks hadn't made a sound as he closed the distance between them, the only indication of his presence the shadow he cast and the cool touch of his hand on their cheek. He kneeled before them, ducking his head to theirs so his crimson eyes could meet their gaze, half lidded and searching. His thumb swept over over their lips, a smile gracing his own. "I do not care what they say. What need have I for their opinions when I have such sublime notions for me falling from your lips? Their praise is hollow compared to my name on your tongue. Your smile banishes all their petty jealousy like the sun banishes the rains. The world pales in comparison to your divine laugh." He was leaning in closer now, head tilted to the side slightly, mouth almost brushing theirs as his voice fell to a hush. "If I could have you, my sweet, then I would want for nothing."

They didn’t move as he kissed them, his hand sliding to the back of their head to press more firmly. They were too overwhelmed, too baffled at this turn of events. He was a helpless flirt, but he was like that to everyone. They weren’t special, they hadn’t thought they were so special. Yet it still felt like a performance, like he had rehearsed those lines in the mirror for a month straight before offering them up. As his fangs nipped at their lips, his tongue searching to pass them, their face contorted unhappily. Their hands pressed against his chest, pushing back against his advance as a displeased hum vibrated through them. He pulled back sharply, a mess of emotions on display. Foremost was sheer terror before it instantly warped into confused anger, indigent at their response. It was as if he had never been denied before.

It caused them to pause, their annoyance melting to panicked realization. He would misunderstand, had misunderstood. They hadn’t meant to walk him down this road, not like this. They never did. Their hands scrambled on the rock as they pulled themselves to their feet, taking large steps back and gulping for air. His own motions were slow, measured as he stood, head tilted in accusation and a sharp glint in his eyes. He pressed a hand to his chest, bowing ever so slightly as the other swept away from him.

“I didn’t mean to startle you.” He husked, an almost uncertain lilt to his voice. “I can be slower, gentler if that’s what you want.”

Something about the way he said want rang with a sour note to them. They shook their head adamantly, hands held up in defense before them. Rocks ground under their foot as their weight shifted, anxiety buzzing through their skull as they struggled against the turmoil brewing in their heart. He seemed to falter slightly, the corner of his mouth twitching in disbelief.

“Did you want me to be more forceful?” There was a purr now to his voice, a fascination.

Their whole body almost shook with their abject refusal, one hand holding up a finger begging him to just wait. They needed a moment to find the key for the locked door their voice had fled behind. He let out an almost exasperated sigh, his shoulders jumping with the breath before his hands were perched back on his hips.

“Well, what do you want then?” He was almost whining now, pouting at them. “I’m very flexible, I’ll have you know. Whatever you desire, I’m sure I can manage it.”

“Stop.”Their voice was so small, barely above a whisper as they trembled. “I want you to stop.”

And he did. He froze for a moment, blinking in the morning light, mouth slightly agape before the gears began to turn once more. He held his hands up this time, taking a step back and dipping his head towards them. “Of course, pet. Whatever you want.”

Still, still, it struck them as wrong. They screwed their eyes shut, forcing out long, agonizingly slow breaths. They brushed their hands over their face, tangling their fingers in their hair before letting out a last lengthy exhale. They were still trembling, but their eyes were firm as they opened and fixed on him.

“I didn’t mean,” they started slowly, voice shivering, “to make you think I wanted that. I…” And they trailed off as a wall went up in him, a cold wave washing through them. “I’m not like other people when it comes to this. I’m not- not disinterested, I just…” They floundered, a hand churning the air. “People usually are interested so fast in each other, right? Love at first sight and bodies aflame for each other. I don’t… I don’t experience that. Not like others. It’s…” They pulled in a gulping breath, eyes skittering to the ground so they wouldn’t have to see his expression morph like all the others. “I don’t fall like that. I’m- I’m slower. I need more time. I need to know you better before…” Their voice failed, bitter memories bubbling up and they blinked stinging eyes. “People don’t like waiting, usually, on a maybe. I understand if you’re upset-”

They jumped as his hand was back on their cheek, startled at how quickly and silently he was back in front of them. “It doesn’t have to be love.” He murmured. “It can just be physical, if you want.” He was cradling their head in both his hands, holding their gaze up to his. He was leaning down again and they shook. “Let me take care of you, repay you.”

Their hands shot back up to his chest, pushing sharply as they pulled their face away. Realization shot through them like they were a tree in a lightning storm. Things started to fall into place, his words and tone suddenly making sense. Repay you. The performance, the words, the touches, they were meant as a transaction. What in the world was he hoping to buy from them? What made him feel like he owed them? He was scandalized again, this time anger showing true on his face, but there was a desperation in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” they babbled instantly, so, so scared he would leave, “I’m sorry, Astarion. I…” They were lost in his hurt gaze, struggling to find land in the roiling ocean. They swallowed thickly, blinking away tears. “You don’t have to repay anything. I’ve done nothing…” They faltered, a hazy memory of a night, days prior, coming back. This is a gift. It was like a floodgate opened in them, their words coming too fast, too numerous. “Oh, Astarion, no. No, no, no, it’s not- you don’t have to do anything- I gave my blood freely!”

“Nothing is free.” His words came out sharp like a dagger, cutting, before he softened. He almost crooned. “It’s easier like this, isn’t it? I promise, you’ll have a night you’ll never forget.”

“Will you forget it, then?” The question fell unbidden from their lips, regret causing their hand to cover their mouth instantly. A strange look came over him and they were back to apologizing on loop. “Sorry, I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I-,” they paused, taking a breath to try and silence their thundering heart, “I don’t want you doing something you don’t want because you feel you owe me. I’ll always let you have my blood, even if you never speak to me again after this. You’re a dear friend to me and I want to help. Honestly, I just like having you around so if you need to pay me back somehow, then can you just… stay?”

“Stay?” He echoed, a curious grin pulling at his mouth. “What do you mean? At your side or in camp, or-”

“Just stay, here, in general. Don’t disappear one day and never come back. Don’t- don’t go so far into yourself that you never return.” They almost hiccuped in the next breath, a bitterness spilling free in their chest. “Don’t just nod along and then abandon me. Don’t leave me alone. Please.”

His head tilted to the side, faint confusion in his eyes. “And that’s what you want?”

They nodded mutely, hands clenching and unclenching at their side. “A-and maybe, later, in the future, if I decide I do want you like that, that I want more, then we can… if you also want it. If you’re okay with maybe.”

He stood in silence, eyes drifting from head to toe of them before he let out a dramatic sigh, shrugging. “Then I suppose I am yours in maybe.” The playful charm was quick to return to his eyes, his grin flashing fangs. “But I will not be relenting in my attempts to charm you into a memorable night. You’re too much fun.”

A nervous laugh bubbled in their throat, gaze falling to the ground out of embarrassment. “Now that I know of your interest, that… that’ll change my reaction.” And they scrubbed a hand over their face as he laughed in pure delight at their flustered reaction. “And, if drinking my blood makes you feel… like you owe me, then, I don’t know… Maybe we can find another way to sate you that isn’t so guilt ridden?”

This time his laugh was all breath, rumbling deep in his chest. “I think you will find I am very hard to sate, pet.” They couldn’t help the blush his tone caused and his grin was wolfish. “But, if you aren’t too squeamish, I could simply take a bite out of the next vagabond that draws their weapon on us. They’re dead either way.”

They weren’t especially keen to see just how vicious a vampire bite could be, but it was a good fix. Plus the party wouldn’t be so mad at him for using them as a snack. They bobbed their head. “That should work. But!” Their hand shot out to catch his sleeve, tugging slightly. “But, if you can’t get to someone in a fight, then you can still ask me. I don’t want you to go hungry. We can figure out ‘payments’ beforehand if you want. I just…”

He crooked a hand under their chin, his other wrapping around to the small of their back and pulling them snug to his chest. “Darling, you don’t have to say. I know you enjoy getting bitten. You were shaking so adorably last night it was hard not to notice.” He tilted their head to the side before ghosting a kiss to their neck, just above the bandage. “I may sneak a nibble from time to time, if you permit. You are simply too delectable to ignore.”

They let out a nervous laugh, gently pushing him away. “Okay, but does it always have to be the neck? This thing is itchy.”

His hand traced down their throat, fingers dancing along their pulse. “You could always just let the world know you’re mine.” They flapped a hand at the contact, shivering, and he let his hand drop to theirs. He pressed their palm to his cheek, placing a kiss on their wrist. “But yes, I could bite elsewhere. There are more discreet places, even, if you take me up on my offer.”

“Oh gods, you’re terrible.” Their free hand was trembling at their temple as they tried to look everywhere but at the vampire’s eyes. “I trust you won’t take advantage of me?”

He paused, brow furrowing for a second before the emotion was smoothed away. “Only in the ways you let me.” He let their hand fall free, smirking still. “Only as you want.”

They huffed at him, shaking their head. “You know what I want right now?” He didn’t answer, his eyes simply narrowing slightly, waiting. “Breakfast. I can smell it cooking. And since you already ate… whatever you found today, you can’t fault me for wanting my own meal.”

The usual taunting smile was back on his lips as he turned back towards camp, an arm crooked invitingly to them. “A stray wolf, separated from its pack and too close to the camp, considering how useless their presence makes our resident cleric. I elected to remove the problem before everyone woke up to her screaming.”

“And then you picked a fight with her and woke Karlach up anyways.” They sighed, taking his arm.

“Hm, well, she was being very rude and it’s fun to needle her.” He hummed, eyes crinkling with his amusement.

“So you do care, just a little, what they think of you.” 

“Just a little.” He conceded before a wicked grin spread across his face. “And if you tell anyone that, I’ll start revealing every little bite I give you.”

They let out a strangled whine and banged a fist weakly against his arm as he laughed, letting him lead them back to the fire where their companions were starting to settle down for a proper meal together.