#also I love her riding habit (specifically unbuttoned)

[ladystrallan]

Favourite George Outfits <3

P.s. she looks beautiful in everything, these are just looks that I especially love ;)

[tomtenadia]

A Little Braver - Chapter 2

I think I will be brave as well and post chapter 2.

In the chapter when Rowan muses about his call sign he uses the term FNG - it literally mean Fucking new guy. In US military it describes a newcomer.

Enjoy the chapter!

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The next morning Rowan was on his way to the fire station. He had left the house a bit early to allow for traffic or getting lost. In the end he had arrived with ten minutes to spare. He parked the car along the road and walked to the main area in front of the station and stopped. 

The tall training building was on fire and a few people were outside in front of it as if in waiting. He searched for the captain but she was not there. He wanted to go and ask to the team about her whereabouts but did not want to interrupt the training session. So he just decided to lean against a wall of the fire station, arms folded at his chest and just watch the drill. 

He was curious about why they were not using the truck or water and wondered if they were following a specific exercise.

Being a fighter pilot was full of risks but by looking at the raging fire and thinking that there were people willingly putting themselves through that inferno made him shiver. He’d rather been strapped in a metal cage than in a house on fire.

All of a sudden a figure ran out of the building carrying what looked like a dummy and two more followed.  He gasped when he recognised the captain. The dummy she was carrying on her shoulders must have weighed a ton and he was impressed. He followed her, dumping the dummy on the ground and joining the tall blonde man and pat him on the shoulder looking happy. His lips turned up in a hint of a smile.

Her eyes met his and she gave him a huge smile and Rowan straightened up and pulled away from the wall. She walked to him while unbuttoning her bulky fireproof jacket.

“Morning Captain,” she brushed her hair away from her face and Rowan’s heart started to race.

“Enjoyed the show?”

He cleared his voice while he tried to gain some sense again “That was fascinating.”

“Can you give me twenty minutes to have a very quick shower and get changed? You don’t want to be in a meeting with a stinky woman.”

Captain Whitethorn nodded “Take your time.”

“You can go and meet the guys. They are a friendly bunch.” She offered “just ignore the lewd jokes.”

“Thank you for the head’s up.”

Aelin ran away and he gathered some courage and walked to the team. He was not the best around people he did not know, but he wanted to play nice.

He took another step and the tall blond man noticed him and walked with purpose toward him and offered him his hand “Captain Whitethorn isn’t it?”

Rowan nodded.

“Aelin told us you were coming. I am Lieutenant Ashryver.”

Rowan nodded and studied the man in front of him and noticed that his posture and attitude screamed military. After he had spent all his adult life in the force he had gotten used to spot one of them. He had the same feeling at the base during the fire. 

“Can I introduce you to our team?”

“Gladly.”

Aedion turned to the red-haired woman “Ladies first. This is Ansel. Never leave her and Aelin alone because then you are in trouble.”

“Hey, I’ll tell her you said that and she will put you on truck cleaning duties for a month.” Aedion ignored her and continued “then here we have Brullo, Nox, Ress, Ren and finally Luca.” He grabbed the young man’s shoulder “he is our probie. He finished the academy and he joined us a few months ago. For now he is coming to the less serious calls but we are planning on coddling him a bit less and make him see the real stuff as well.”

Then the man turned around, scanning the area in search for something or someone “we also have two EMTs, Elide and Lysandra but they must be around the station doing something. You will meet them anyway.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you all.”

“Everyone, clean up and don’t leave everything to Luca. All of you haul ass. Nox, Ren you are on equipment duty. Ansel, Ress you two are on uniform checks. Brullo, take Luca with you and go over him some truck procedures for before and after calls. Now away all of you.”

Rowan chuckled. The man was definitely ex military. 

“Where did you serve?” He asked the man taking a chance.

“I was in the army. I was an artillery specialist. Once I retired Aelin called me saying her station was looking for recruits and I applied for the job. Guess my experience with explosives and such was a plus. Many years later I am still here and still loving it.” Then he studied the Captain “how did you guess?”

“Your posture. It’s the stick up your arse, as Captain Galathynius would say, that gets drilled into you from day one. The way you give order, again, very familiar.”

“Call her Aelin, Cap or Captain. She hates being called Captain Galathynius.”

Rowan raised a eyebrow with curiosity for that statement.

“I usually call her brat or menace.” Aedion chuckled “she is my cousin. I have known her since we were little. I have earned that privilege.”

Aedion started walking back into the station and Captain Whitethorn followed him.

“She has the bas habit of not filtering what she wants to say, can be brash and very vocal when she is mad at something or someone, but she loves her job and her team. She loves being a firefighter. She might be young be she is extremely capable. She is the first female captain. Absurd to think that before her it was just a boy’s club, eh?” The man joked, and lead him into a big spacious room with a lone table and chair and a kitchen at the bottom of it “If she keeps likes this I can see her climbing up the ladder pretty quickly, although I cannot imagine her in a desk job.”

Rowan knew very little about the woman but he had the same feeling.

“This is where we spend most of the time when we are on shift, all tasks are done and just wait for a call. We have books, video-games, tv… you name it. And like all families we fight for who controls the remote.”

Aelin joined them a moment later “Are you giving our Captain the tour?”

“Yes, just the cheap tour for now. You can give him the proper one later.” Aedion winked at her.

“I guess that after our meeting, the Captain will be more than happy to get rid of me.

“I gave you a tour of the base, I would love a tour of the station.”

Aelin’s mouth almost fell open in disbelief.

“If you are not fed up with me we can think about it.” And she turned around and walked away the same way he did the day before. 

Aedion gestured with his head to follow her and Rowan ran after her.

“I am sorry for the delay. Once I got back to work yesterday I had an email saying that our annual performance review is due in three weeks. I did not have a way to contact you otherwise I would have pushed the meeting forward a bit.”

“It was actually interesting watching you guys train.” He followed her to her office and took the seat she offered “we have performance reviews as well. What do you guys have to do?”

Aelin was caught off guard by him being talkative all of a sudden “We get tested on our abilities. We usually go to the academy, are given a scenario and the whole team has to work as if that was a real call. We also get to perform some individual tasks and those are timed. It’s a very stressful period.”

“You can leave our project to me until you are done with your review. I am happy to give you an update and you can come once a week to check how things are progressing if you are too busy.”

“Are you trying to get rid of me, Captain?” She smiled at him, leaning back in her chair.

He shook his head and she noticed him finally relaxing and sitting more comfortably in his chair “we have those review as well and they are always stressful for the team and I am aware how much of my time, preparing drills takes me. I am offering you to concentrate on your mission ahead for now and then catch up in three weeks.”

Was he actually being nice to her?

“I will be fine captain, but thank you for the offer. I appreciate it.”

“If you change your mind, my offer will still be on the table.”

“So,” she said quite abruptly changing the subject. If he even thought she needed his help because she was a woman he was in for a tough ride.

Aelin grabbed a folder with her plan. She had spent the entire previous day working on it. “These are the copies for you.” And she passed him a pile of papers “they are the ideas and changes I would like to suggest. I believe that is the part you will have to discuss with your CO. the biggest and probably most time consuming change is the extra door. All the other suggestions are repairs and perhaps replacements of old parts. I would like to explain again that these changes are not up for discussion. They need to happen.”

Captain Whitethorn nodded “I have discussed the matter with my CO after our meeting and he understands that and agrees. He promised me that he will fight until the last ditch if they start blocking him with budget bullshit, his exact words.”

“Please tell Air Commodore Salvaterre that I appreciate his cooperation. It goes in the interest of every single person who works at the base. Him included.”

“This pile here is a draft of possible training sessions for both your squadron and the ground crew. I want basic fire prevention training, fire extinguisher training, reviews of fire drills. I would like to do some training, especially with the ground crew on fuels handling, fuel storing and clearing spillages. Your squadron will be welcome as well. I think it will benefit everyone.” She flipped through her notes “I would like to nominate a couple of people as Fire champions or any other name we can come up with. Their role would be to perform monthly deep inspections and weekly spot checks. The idea is that by doing this, you are always on the ball with any problems. Of course we will provide training on how to do all this.” She kept explaining and the man in front of her listened to her with great interest, never interrupting her. 

“Needless to say that fire prevention is everyone’s job. See it, report it. And if you can, fix it.” She jotted down a few things “of course all of this depends on our rosters. I don’t know how it works for you guys but we work in shift patterns.”

“My squadron and I, we work Monday to Friday when we are ground-side. Ground staff such as engineers for example, they tend to follow shift patterns as well. I can talk to the supervisors for the mechanics and engineering team and see if I can get a roster from them. They are aware of the fact that extra training is on its way.”

“Please do. I have a feeling that will be the biggest job.”

“Do you have any questions for me so far?”

“Which venue will we use?”

Aelin tapped her pen on the table “I was thinking here if it’s okay with you. We have the equipment, also we don’t have maximum security checks.”

“Speaking of security…” he extracted something from his pocket “`I have your badge.”

Aelin took the badge he offered in surprise.

“I imagine we will be working together quite a lot and you will need to visit the base as well on a regular basis. You have now the badge with consultant clearance. It’s not a lot, but it will grant you access to all the are you will need. And no more forms to fill.”

“Thank you, captain,” she was speechless “Thank you for trusting me.”

She smiled fondly at him and Rowan realised he’d do literally anything to see that smile. It was intoxicating.

They worked for a few hours and Aelin realised it was not as bad as she had feared. The captain had been very keen to listen to her plans and making suggestions according to his knowledge of the base and his team. He had also looked a bit less uncomfortable and more willing to have a full conversation instead of monosyllables. At least it was progress and since it looked like they were going to work together for a while it was a good thing. 

When her stomach grumbled loudly she coughed embarrassed to try and cover it but the very faint hint of a grin on the captain’s lips told her that he had head her.

“We can stop for lunch, captain.”

Aelin almost blushed “I guess so. I think I have a black hole forming in my stomach. Those drills always leave me famished.” She stood “there is a lovely diner very nearby. Can I interest you in lunch? It’s on me. But no shop talk.” She was ready for a refusal but the captain stood and nodded.

“I’d like lunch.”

When they left the office they met Elide and Lysandra carrying boxes full of supplies to stock the ambulance. As soon as Rowan noticed he jumped forward and offered to help Elide.

“Let me carry them. They are quite bulky.”

“Thank you,” said the woman flashing a smile to Aelin then showed the captain the direction to the ambulance.

“Where do I place it?” He asked once they were arrived. Elide opened the back door of the vehicle “just here. Lys and I will sort through everything. Thank for the help.”

Lysandra dropped all her stuff and turned to the two captains.

“These are Lysandra and Elide, they are our two resident EMTs.”

“Ladies, this is captain Whitethorn.”

Lysandra mouthed hot to Aelin and the woman rolled her eyes. 

“The captain and I were going for lunch. Could you please tell Aedion to man the fort for me while I am away? I am just going to Emrys and I have a radio with me if anything happens.”

The woman nodded “I know the drill. Go, enjoy lunch.”

The two captains left “we are walking. The place is just down the road. We are all regulars there.”

Five minutes later they reached the small diner and Rowan thought the place looked cosy and felt like the good old fashioned family run restaurant.

“Emrys and his husband Malakai have been running this place since forever. It’s an institution in the neighbourhood.”

“Aelin, my girl.” A very smiling Emrys walked from behind the counter and went to hug the woman “Are you keeping well?”

“Of course.”

“Two today?” He asked looking at the Aelin’s companion.

“Yes please. Can we sit anywhere?”

“Go ahead.” He gestured pointing at the tables.

“Quiet today?”

“Not at all. You just missed the rush. Until twenty minutes ago we were full. Malkai is delivering an order to the police station.”

Aelin walked to the table near the window and invited Rowan to join her.

“Here’s the menu for your friend. Let me know when you are ready to order.”

Rowan took the menu, opened it and lowered his head to start reading it.

Aelin studied him for a moment while he was distracted. Stared at his hands and noticed the hint of a tattoo sneaking from underneath the uniform. Interesting, she would have never pinned the man as someone who would have a tattoo. A smile tugged at her lips. A part of her wanted quite badly to get to know him a bit more. “Your hair,” she asked “has it always been silver or it became like that with age?” Then she stopped embarrassed “I mean I am not saying that you look old. I just meant as if it got like that as you grew up.”

He lifted his head from the menu and his piercing green eyes settled on her “I was born like this. Apparently it runs in my family.”

“I am sorry, I didn’t mean to pry. I was just curious.”

He gave her a half a smile. It did not linger. It was quick and for a second she thought she had imagined it “I am used to it.” He tapped on the plastic menu “you haven’t decided yet?”

“Oh no, I don’t need a menu. I know it by heart and I know what I want.”

Emrys came back and both placed their orders and Aelin enjoyed the shocked expression on the captain.

“You can’t possibly eat all that stuff.”

“Watch me.”

The silence grew uncomfortable again. It looked as if he was chatty only when it came to work.

“Why did you join the airforce?”

For a moment he looked stunned at her question “I was eighteen and fresh out of high school. Happy I was done studying. My parents wanted me to go to uni, but the idea of spending four more years on books was not for me.” He explained and noticed she had he hands folded under her chin “One day I met Lorcan. We knew each other from before already, being both from Wendlyn and all. It was nice to see a friendly face in a new place. Anyway, he told me he had moved here to Terrasen with the TAF. He told me they were recruiting and I went to the base during an open day. The day after I had signed up and a month later I was starting pilot academy.”

“Where in Wendlyn?”

“Doranelle.”

“I was there once. On holiday with…” no, not time yet “with a friend. We loved it very much.”

He nodded “It’s a nice place, but I must admit that after so many years I feel like an adopted citizen of Terrasen. Orynth is quite a gorgeous place.”

Emrys came with their food and Rowan noticed how skilfully placed all the plates on the table. As if he was used to have all those orders from her.

“You can’t be serious and actually eat all this food.”

Aelin tackled her first plate “watch the pro at work, captain.” She gave him a smile and Rowan shook his head and tackled his food.

“Why firefighter?”

He noticed her still for a second and the happiness wash away from her face in an instant. Fuck. Wrong question already.

“I was eight.” She said playing with her food for a moment “I was out playing with some of my friends. I was on my way home when I saw two massive fire trucks in front of my house and my home on fire.” She placed the fork on the plate “I ran toward the house but this fireman stopped me. I was crying and calling for my parents. He hugged me, he told me they were working to try and save my parents. I remember trashing in his arms to get free but he held me tight.” She took a bit to keep herself busy while telling the story “he took me to the back of the engine and showed me some of the tools and explained to me how the engine worked. He distracted me while his colleagues worked to stop the fire and save my parents.” She finally met his gaze “it took them almost two hours to kill the fire. After that there was nothing left of the house and of my life. My parents had been found dead in the house. The gas boiler has suffered a fault and basically exploded. They stood no chance.”

“Aelin I am…” his hand moved slowly closer to hers and brushed it gently “I am so sorry.”

“When I grew up I decided I wanted to be like the firemen who attended my fire. I wanted to rush into a house on fire and try to save some person’s parents of spouse and help them avoid the loss I suffered. I wanted to be like the man who stood with me and distracted me.”

Her finger lifted a little and met his almost in acknowledgement “Aedion’s family took me in. As soon as I finished high school I was like you. I had no interest in uni. So I signed up for the fire academy.”

“Sorry for ruining lunch.”

She shook her head and flicked his finger playfully. That had been the first contact between them. He had always kept his distance and that little flicker of affection made he heart flutter. The man was a puzzle. He could go from stone cold bastard to this in a small amount of time.

Aelin finished her food and noticed the captain staring at her with curiosity.

“I cannot believe it.”

“Told you,” she smiled at him with a smug expression “and I am even going to get cake.”

“No you are not.”

In defiance she stood and went to the counter and ordered chocolate hazelnut cake from Emrys. She came back and sat down again and ate the whole slice.

“Remind me to apply for a mortgage if I ever take you out for dinner.” At those words Rowan froze. He did not mean to do say that. It was supposed to be a joke but he should have learned by now that he was bad at making jokes.

“I’ll keep that in mind, Iceman.”

His head shoot up and looked at her. She had used his callsign. Something that only his squadron members would ever use. They all had one. It was a tradition. But it also meant something. It was always the other pilots in the team who choose the callsign. Never the pilot himself. It was a rite of passage that welcome you in the squadron. In a family. He got his one because of his hair. Everyone thought it was because he was cool and calm under pressure but no. When he was still one of the FNG he went through his naming ceremony like all the others FNG and they had decided he was going to be iceman because with his hair he reminded them of a creature from the snowy glaciers of the Staghorn mountains, hence iceman. Hearing her calling him like that made his heart skip a beat.

“We don’t have call signs. We got nicknames but nothing official like you guys.” She polished the plate from the chocolate left from the cake “the guys usually call me Captain or Cap. Aedion is the worst. Because he is my cousin he takes the liberty to call me brat or menace. I should really write him up for insubordination.”

She tapped his hand “come on grampa, let’s get back to work.” And stood. Rowan had wanted to grab that hand and hold it for a moment. It felt as if a small shift had happened in their weird work relationship.

Aelin paid for the meal as promised and they walked back to the station “are you sure you will be able to concentrate with all that food in you?”

On the way back Aelin looked up at the sky and noticed a few flakes that had started to follow. “Looks like it’s going to snow.”

She turned her head and caught Rowan sniffing the air, the eyes closed and a relaxed expression. The hard lines of his face had disappeared and the faint smile on his lips changed him completely. Yes, the man was hot but there was more to it. The very rare times that his face softened his eyes lit up as well turning a deeper green and made him stunning. She had a feeling those moments were rare and was glad that she had caught at least a couple. Like right now, his body relaxed enjoying the first flakes of snow. That was a precious insight in the man at her side.

“You like winter?” She broke the magic.

His eyes snapped open and his face turned hard again as if he hated being caught enjoying something.

“I do.” He said softly “I love the snow and winters in Terrasen are incredible.

Aelin smiled. His scent. His scent reminded her of Terrasen. Pine and snow. She had smelled it the other day while she was inside his plane and he was quite close to her. He smelled like winter and realised for a second that the nickname Iceman was perfect as well for that reason and not just because he could be a cold hearted bastard. They got back to the station and she found it quiet apart from Brullo and Luca near the fire engine. Apparently the man was explaining the youngster some of the routine checks they performed. He was their resident engineer and mechanic so he was the best one for that type of training.

“Nice lunch, Cap? Did you eat all the food at Emrys?”

“The vegetables are still there. They are safe.” Aelin turned when noticed that the joke came from Rowan.

Brullo and Luca burst out laughing “oh he is good.” Added the older man.

“My eating habits are the joke of the station.”

“Cap, they are insane.” Added Luca.

Aelin turned to Rowan and he lifted and eyebrow as if to say I agree with them.

She turned again on her colleagues “one more joke from the two of you and I’ll have you scrub the station from top to bottom with a toothbrush.” Then she turned on her feet and walked away to her office. 

Rowan tapped his hat in salute to the two men and followed her. He found her in the kitchen making coffee “Do you drink coffee?”

“I don’t think I could function without it.”

“Good. We basically drink it by the litre. It keeps you alive on a night shifts.”

She made some coffee and offered him a mug “milk, sugar?”

“Black, thank you.”

He watched her as she dropped two spoonfuls of sugar in it “All this sugar is not good for you.”

“Shhh you heathen.”

He rolled his eyes and took a sip of his coffee “Thank you for lunch by the way.”

“My treat, for working with me.” She apologised, while leaning against the counter and drinking her coffee.

“You are not as bad as I thought. I agree with Aedion, you are a brat and a menace but I can work with that.” Bad idea. Rowan noticed anger flash in her eyes.

“I am not having you calling me that.” She slammed the cup on the counter “you barely know me and I have been professional, sure if cracking a joke or two makes me a brat it’s your problem you need sense of humour. I have been busting my ass to fix the shit that went down in your station.” She took a step toward him and Rowan braced himself “I know how I run my station. I am aware of every single problem or fault that happens here. Your fucking hangar went down in a blaze of glory and you had no idea of the shitstorm about to happen.” She was now a few mere centimetres from his face and a foolish part of him wanted to push her against the counter and kiss her senseless. She was mad at him and all he thought was how her lips would feel. What was wrong with him?

“Don’t ever call me that again with that smug face of your because I have no problems removing that smirk with a punch.”

Rowan kept staring at her in silence, not risking saying a word while she was that mad at him. Damn the woman had fire in her. And it did not matter he was getting a well deserved lashing down from her, he could not stop thinking that she was beautiful. Not just physically, she was fierce, brave and passionate and he was irremediably drawn to her.

Which it was totally crazy since they had met the day before.

“Now get the fuck out of my station. We are done for today.” And she stepped back.

“Captain, I did not mean to offend you.”

“I said out.” She repeated through gritted teeth “I have your contact. I will let you know when I am in the mood to meet you again.” She grabbed her coffee and walked away from him.

Rowan stood still and stared at the spot where she had been. He ran a hand through his hair and cursed himself for his stupidity. They had finally set aside the bad start they had, and messed up everything again.

He picked up his cap on the counter and then realised he had left all the documents in her office. He was about to walk to her but then changed his mind bad idea. So he just left the station, got back to his car and drove back to the base.

Aelin was furious. Why did he have to go and ruin everything with his bloody mouth of his?

That beautiful mouth of his.

She paced the office for ten minutes then she left, went to changing room and changed into her training gear. Some exercise will do her good to clear her head.

Aedion found her twenty minutes later “here you are,” he shouted as she ran back and forth in the yard with a dummy on her shoulders.

“Aelin!” He shouted when she did not stop. When she ignored him again he went in front of her and stopped her “Aelin.”

“What?” She growled dropping the dummy on the ground with a loud thump. She was breathless.

“I thought you were with the captain.”

She ignored him and grabbed the dummy again but Aedion stopped her and grabbed her hand “did something happened?”

“Yes, he happened. He is an arsehole and I don’t know why I am bothering to help him.”

“Because it’s your job.”

“Well, he can go and ask west station for all I care.”

Aedion shook his head “they are in our territory.”

Aelin ran a hand through her hair.

“Did he do something to you? Because if he did I am very good at hand to hand combat. I’ll destroy his stiff arse.”

Aelin chuckled. Aedion had always been very protective with her.

“He called me a brat and a menace. He said that I am not as bad as he thought and that he agrees with you for my nicknames.”

Aedion laughed “that’s why you are mad at him? Ace, I love you but you can be both.”

She sat down on the dummy “I know. But if you say it it doesn’t bother me. We grew up together. You know me better than anyone. He instead…” she punched the dummy’s face “he had this smug face and he used this tone like a condescending prick.”

She groaned “you can be a brat and a menace but I can work with it,” she repeated in a mocking tone “I am the one doing him a favour to help him. Idiot.”

“You just want to find an excuse to hate him and push him away from you.” He sat down on the dummy beside her “Ace, could it be that you like him but you are still too scared to allow another man in your life?”

“No. I have known the guy for two days. And no, I do not like him.” She protested.

“Would it be that bad?”

Aelin stood and faced him “I am not interested in getting any closer to him than what works dictates. Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie.

“You are overreacting and you are behaving like a brat and proving him right.”

She pushed him off the dummy “you are on truck duty for the whole week.” Aelin grabbed the dummy and went back to her training.

Rowan finally made it back to the base and went straight to his office but Lorcan intercepted him.

“You are back early. I thought you were going to be at the station all afternoon.”

Rowan ignored his CO and plopped on his chair and closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“That bad, eh?” Joked Lorcan at the man’s reaction.

“I opened my damn mouth. That’s what I did.”

Lorcan sat on the chair on the opposite side of the desk “What did you do? I thought you were the guy who counted till ten before opening his mouth. That’s why I gave you this assignment. I need this to go smoothly and fix all the shit that the old CO messed up. If I wanted to piss off the TFD’s captain I would have sent Moonbeam.”

Rowan snorted “probably would have been better. Far more charming than this cranky old bastard.”

“I have seen the woman. Fenrys would end up fucking everything. Literally.”

Lorcan sat back relaxed “I am coming to the station tomorrow and I will talk to her and bring her back into our good books.”

“You?” Rowan scoffed “if there is someone who has a worse temper than me is you, Lorcan.”

“I’ll be my charming self.” The man joked.

“The gods save us all.” Rowan joked standing and pacing the office “trying to scare her will not work either.”

“I noticed that. I wish some of our men would have that level of balls. Quite amazing for a woman.” Rowan’s head snapped at his CO’s words.

“Don’t even dare say anything like that in her face or you are a dead man.”

He and Lorcan would go along on most of the days but on some concepts, Lorcan still followed the good old fashioned ideas that for example females were not suited for the military, a topic they had many fights on. Rowan had tried to open up the ranks to a few more females in the squadron but Lorcan had rejected the idea every single time.

“You know how I feel about those things.”

“Yes, our very progressive man. Equality and all.”

“You can be such an arsehole.” Rowan stopped at the window “even the Navy is accepting women. Their recruitment for female officers is up by 40%. We are still to celebrate when we will have our first female officer.”

Lorcan growled “well, then move to the Navy.” He stood annoyed “flying a jet is not like service on an aircraft carrier!”

Rowan turned furious “you are not seriously telling me that you don’t believe a woman could fly a jet.” He slammed his fist on the table “I have seen Aelin in action and during drills. I have seen her jump into a building on fire without any second thought to save one of our men. I have seen her drag a dummy twice her size off a burning building while wearing the fire suit and an oxygen tank on her shoulder. She could probably do a vertical, pull 9G and then get off the plane and have a dance in our face. She is definitely not the fragile thing you think she is just because she is a woman.”

“What is your point?”

“Stop being a misogynist prick.”

Rowan phone went off and Lorcan moved away “if you are coming tomorrow, you leave that attitude behind.” Lorcan left and Rowan took the call. Once he was done he sat back down on his chair and looked outside noticing the snow falling and a gentle smile tugged his lips at the memory of the moment they had shared at the restaurant. He had to apologise. And quickly.

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[fastcurious]

The Last Curious Man / The enormous life of Anthony Bourdain, according to those who knew him best

published on GQ

+ https://www.gq.com/story/anthony-bourdain-men-of-the-year-tribute

Chris Bourdain is searching for a word that he cannot quite find. We're sitting together in a small café in Grand Central Terminal, drinking table wine and talking about his late older brother, Anthony. Chris has a habit of looking away as he's talking to you, one of many physical traits he shares with Tony. And right now he is thinking, with Bourdainian intensity, for a way to sum up his brother succinctly, and for a very specific reason.

"The death certificate that was printed in France," he tells me, "listed as his profession 'chef.' And I tried for months to figure out, what is the appropriate way to describe what Tony has been doing for the last seven or eight years? There's no description for it."

It's true. There is no easy description for Tony Bourdain, or for the utterly unique role he managed to carve out for himself in this world. He was a chef. He was an author. He was a very popular TV host—the cheerfully dickish center of the food-media universe. He was an explorer who removed degrees of separation from the world's sociological arithmetic, a man who was always, in his words, hungry for more.

He's gone now. And while everyone I talked to for this story is still coming to grips with the enormity of that loss, one can also sense a fierce determination among them that Bourdain's work cannot end with him. That's why Chris is racking his brain, trying to boil it all down to a simple vocation, a template that others might be able to follow to live richer, fuller lives.

This is Tony, according to those who knew him best.

Bourdain with the staff of Les Halles.

Philippe Lajaunie (owner, Les Halles, where Bourdain had been executive chef): The first time I met him, he was in the kitchen and cooking. It was a cramped kitchen that had been designed back in the '70s, so it was kind of out of proportion. And he was very quiet. Almost timid. He had just worked a few years for an Italian restaurant, and at the beginning all of his specials were very Italian. So that was rattling my cage a little bit—it was a French restaurant!

Jeremiah Tower (chef): I went by the restaurant, Les Halles, because I'd read [his memoir] Kitchen Confidential when it came out, and I was absolutely wowed by the book. And he asked me what I thought of Les Halles, and I said, "Well, it's a fairly terrible restaurant." And he loved that I said it.

Chris Bourdain (brother): I loved Les Halles. I miss it. Had he ever showed interest in cooking [when we were kids]? No, no, no, no, no, not at all. Zero, zero, zero.

Sam Goldman (childhood friend): The first time I met Tony was the winter of 1969. He was two grades behind me, which in high school made him an entirely different generation. He was new at our school, and this Bourdain kid was tiny. I remember we hazed him just a bit. The first Friday of our ski-club trips, we made him ride in the luggage rack.

Bourdain: I know he didn't like [college], and I know he didn't care. Our parents did not have a lot of money, and I definitely remember, we went to some restaurant in Putnam County, New York, on Route 22, where our parents had a massive, huge fucking argument with Tony: Why are we paying for Vassar? You're fucking up there. Which he was. The upshot of that was he did not go back to Vassar. After that, he ended up working out of Provincetown, Massachusetts, down at the restaurant there.

Miles Borzilleri (Vassar class of 1979): I was on campus for a couple years when he was around. The thing that I remember is Tony used to have two samurai swords. They were holstered around his waist, and he would just go through the day like that. That was part of his little persona.

Jeff Formosa (musician, childhood friend): He was big with nunchucks for a while. I don't know that he was good at striking, but he made them fly around his body, and he didn't hit himself too often. He was a joker, too. He'd run into the next room and turn on a blender or a noisy appliance, and he would start screaming like his hand was caught in it.

David Remnick (editor in chief, 'The New Yorker'): My wife came home one day, and she said, "Look. There's a really nice woman at the newspaper. Her son is a writer. She wanted you to take a look at his work," which seemed...adorable, right? A mother's ambition for a son. I took this manuscript out of its yellow envelope, not expecting much. I started to read. It was about a young cook, working at a pretty average steak-and-frites place on lower Park Avenue. I called this guy up on the phone. He answered it in his kitchen. I said, "I'd like to publish this work of yours in The New Yorker. I hope that's okay." That was the beginning of Anthony Bourdain being published. I don't know if there's any way to put this other than to say he invented himself as a writer, as a public personality. It was all there.

After the success of 'Kitchen Confidential,' Bourdain was approached by freelance TV producers Lydia Tenaglia and Chris Collins, who would go on to form Zero Point Zero Productions, the studio behind 'A Cook's Tour,' 'No Reservations,' and 'Parts Unknown.'

Lydia Tenaglia (co-founder, ZPZ Productions): Chris [Collins] and I were doing a lot of medical shows, like Trauma in the ER. I read Kitchen Confidential, and I said, "Hey, I'm a producer. Can I talk with you?" And [Tony] was like, "Yeah, sure, whatever." We made an appointment to meet at the restaurant. It was in between the lunch and the dinner service, and I walked in, and he was sitting at the bar. He had his chef whites on, unbuttoned, and he was having a drink. He stood up, and my first thought was "He's very tall. We're going to be looking up his nose a lot with our cameras." We watched [him] in the kitchen, clearly in control. He just talked about what traveling the world would be like for him. He had gone to France as a kid, he had gone to Japan once, and that was it.

“I just think it’s lonelier without him in the world.”—Paula Froelich

Bourdain: We were staying with my father's aunt and uncle in France, when I was like 7. There were these two night tables, and they had little drawers you open at the bottom, and in there were the chamber pots. We had to try them. I think we only did number one. We weren't gonna be nasty. We thought it was very funny to pee in them and then pour 'em out in the alley. It was fucking hysterical.

Tenaglia: Chris and I got married in December 2000, and a week after we got married, we left for this five-week foray with Anthony Bourdain. We joke all these years later that we got married and then, a week later, we all got married.

For the first episodes of 'A Cook's Tour,' a TV show with an accompanying book of the same name, Bourdain and his future ZPZ team traveled to Japan, Vietnam, Cambodia, and Thailand.

Tenaglia: Japan was a fucking disaster.

Chris Collins (co-founder, ZPZ): The mistakes were very clear. He did not engage with us. He would not acknowledge our presence and that we were there working together.

Tenaglia: I think he was thinking, "Great! I just got a free ride to all these countries."

Collins: It was a ruse. It was, I'm gonna double dip here. I'm going to be able to get paid to go make something, and I'm going to write articles.

Tenaglia: We would go back to the hotel and say, "We are so screwed."

Collins: We shot in Japan for probably nine days. And Tony said, "Listen, I gotta fly back to New York. I always cook dinner for my wife's family, Christmas dinner." [Bourdain and his first wife, former high school sweetheart Nancy Putkoski, divorced in 2005.] I'm like, "You gotta fly home?"

Tenaglia: Part of us thought that he may never come back. [He did.] Then we flew to Vietnam. Suddenly he looked around and he had this instant cultural touchstone. His idea of Vietnam, Japan, and Hong Kong all emanated out of literary and film references. And of course he was a voracious reader, one of those just preternaturally gifted people that could absorb what he had read and retain it. He wanted to connect what he had read with the actual experience of that in a very romantic way.

Collins: He started drinking it in, and something inherently changed in that guy. There was something...the smell, the colors...something twisted in his head the right way. It really sounds crazy, but it was "Okay, we've got something."

Tenaglia: He felt it, too. He came alive, because those frames of reference were starting to pop. His sudden inclination was to turn and share that with us. You could sense this excitement, like, "Holy crap, I'm actually on the ground in a location that I have studied, that I know, that I have references to." You know, Apocalypse Now, Heart of Darkness, Graham Greene, the Vietnam War. He was percolating with an excitement that was very genuine.

Collins: It was like a light switch coming on.

Tenaglia: [Before that] he was the guy with the camera around his neck. No, seriously. He went everywhere with his frigging camera, and we'd have to pull it off his neck. He was a tourist! One time, we went to the home of this duck farmer in Vietnam…

Collins: This was unbelievable.... So what they do is duck, wrapped in clay, onto a fucking smoldering fire to cook. Clay hardens, the duck cooks, you crack it open, and you've got duck. So they choked off the duck and wrapped it in the clay, and they put it on the fire.

Tenaglia: There was a big fire that was burning.

Collins: And they hadn't sufficiently choked off the duck! The duck came back to life. So it's broken through loose clay, now the feathers are smoking, and we're all...What do you do? They got the duck back in the proper condition to cook it, and then a 32-ounce Fanta bottle filled with some sort of translucent liquid is brought out.... It was grain alcohol. I mean, you could have cleaned a wound with that.

Tenaglia: The booze, moonshine.

Collins: And it commences.

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After the initial success of 'A Cook's Tour,' Food Network demanded more domestic episodes and more beauty shots of barbecue. Bourdain balked. He and ZPZ went to the Travel Channel a year later and rebooted the show as 'Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations’; the show would eventually migrate to CNN as 'Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown.'

Collins: [Travel Channel] gave us an order of three episodes. Paris was our first shoot. Tony and I are standing outside the restaurant we're going to shoot, and at that point I could see he was smoking like three cigarettes simultaneously, so something was amiss. We took a little walk together, and it was just this welling up of this anxiety and insecurity. "Why are we doing this? What are we doing? What have I done?" And I'm like, "Tony, let me tell you what we've done. We've just agreed on a contract to deliver three episodes. So you better walk this off and get your ass in the restaurant, and we're gonna go to work." People's idea of Tony is formed after 20 years of watching him on television, and there's a sense of like "This guy is the un-muscled James Bond." In fact, he was actually a shy man.

Gabrielle Hamilton (owner and chef, Prune): He was an awkward dude. When he's on, you know, he can perform. And perfectly. But I think he has social anxiety. I know he does. Tony's famously like, "Just don't leave my side. We're about to walk into this room, and there's gonna be 450 people in it. And they're all gonna say hi to me, and can you not be far?"

Eric Ripert (chef, Le Bernardin; Tony's close friend and frequent on-air guest): On camera in Peru, we went to see a shaman. The shaman was explaining what he was going to do, and I was the translator. And I said, "The shaman is gonna put some alcohol in his mouth, and he's gonna purify you by spitting on you." And Tony said, "I don't want to be wet—I don't want anything to do with that." So I translated to the shaman by saying, "Oh, he loves the idea. He's excited about it!" And then Tony went in front of the shaman, and he completely covered Tony with the alcohol.

Daniel Boulud (chef, restaurateur): He wanted to do Lyon. He said, "I want to go to your parents' farm and see [legendary chef] Paul Bocuse and go to your school where you grew up." The problem [was], I drove that car for quite a while. It was basically a piece of fabric, a little thin mat with springs and a tube frame for the seat. It's the cheapest car in France. It has two horsepower.

The car broke down, and we were stuck in the middle of an entrance of a highway, and everybody was screaming at us, because we were closing the traffic during rush hour. It was noon, when the French go home and eat. It was terrible. I felt so bad, and I called my father at home. I said, "Can you come and maybe pick us up or something?"

Ripert: When we went to Sichuan, I knew very well that I was going to suffer with the spices, and he knew, too. He asked me before I went, "Are you okay with that?" And I said, "Yes, I'm gonna be a good sport." Now, I didn't know to which degree I was going to suffer, but it was unbearable. It was so bad that one night I said, "Tony, I can't anymore.… Take me to Hooters."

Next to the hotel was a Hooters. He was like, "You're kidding me." I said, "No, I'm not. I'm not. My stomach is burned, I can't." And he said, "Okay, let's go to Hooters."

And he took all the production, invited everyone. So all the cameramen, everybody, we all went to Hooters in Chengdu in the middle of China. I needed a break. I ordered a burger with a weird name. I needed bread.

Morgan Fallon (director and D.P., ZPZ Productions): Honestly, a lot of times I was so hungry after a scene, I'd just go over and start picking at what was left. And Tony, very lovingly, would refer to us as seagulls.

Josh Homme (frontman, Queens of the Stone Age; composed the theme song for 'Parts Unknown'): He was such a beautiful contagion. He presented such a fascinating doorway to so many other things that aren't within your narrow doorway of what you do. When it was time to write the song for his show, he sent over [Joey Ramone] doing "What a Wonderful World." And I said to him, "Are you sure you want me to do this?" And he just said, "It is a wonderful world. Isn't it?"

Michael Ruhlman (author): There was this woman who was a foodie, but she was a student and she was poor. And she used to go by his restaurant every day. She'd just stand out there, looking in and smelling the smells and thinking about it. One day Tony came out and said, "Hey, I see you here all the time." She said, "Yeah, I can't afford to eat here." He said, "Come in. I'm gonna feed you." And so he fed her a steak and a proper béarnaise sauce while she sat amongst the crowd.

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Between 'No Reservations' and 'Parts Unknown,' Bourdain and the ZPZ team ended up producing 242 episodes. He traveled nearly 275 days out of every year, never stopping, because the mission of the show had grown too important to him and to everyone else involved in making it.

Tom Colicchio (chef, TV host): Anthony took food TV and turned it into something serious. It was about bringing people together around food and trying to get Americans to see someone living in a Middle Eastern country, [that] they weren't terrorists. They were people who live there and had very similar issues to issues we have here, and he was able to do that through food.

Collins: If anything can be said about Tony, he was an unbelievable guest.

Helen Rosner (food correspondent, 'The New Yorker'): I remember sitting across from him at this table at this sort of sticky beer bar and him saying to me, "Helen, it makes a difference if you walk in the door saying, 'I'm going to love it here,' or you walk in the door saying, 'This place is going to suck.' "

Ripert: He never complained about anything. That was something that struck me about Tony. You could be hours in a car, or you could be in freezing weather, or you could be in a room with very unpleasant people, and Tony would not complain, ever.

Matt Goulding (co-founder, Roads & Kingdoms): You could never beat Anthony Bourdain to a meeting. It was impossible. And if you were late to a meeting, you probably wouldn't get a second one. The guy showed up 15, 20 minutes early to everything in his life.

I remember the last time that I saw him was out in L.A., and we were going into Netflix with a show that we were developing with him. We said, "You know what? Let's try to get there 20 minutes early. We've got to beat Bourdain." And so we show up there 22 minutes early into the lobby. Sure enough, there's Tony sitting there with his legs crossed, with his newspaper out and his cup of coffee. And he's like, "Enough, guys, you're never going to beat me."

Nathan Thornburgh (co-founder, Roads & Kingdoms): He traveled incredibly well and efficiently. We just had to make sure he had a lot of Marlboro Reds.

Peter Meehan (co-founder, 'Lucky Peach'): Tony was an excuse to smoke.

Ripert: We were at the French Laundry. The dinner was exceptional, but one of my favorite moments was when they gave Tony a crème brûlée that was infused with Marlboro cigarettes. And I have to say, it was delicious.

Fallon: There was never a show that he was like, "We can just coast through this one. It's not an important show. It's not." It always meant something.

Thornburgh: That guy, he did appreciate a fine thread count.

Goulding: He was a hotel hound. I don't know if you remember, but for the longest time his Instagram stories would only be about his hotel rooms.

Collins: Listen, he deserved it. The guy was on the road a great deal of the year. There were certain shows, it was very clear, like, "I wanna make sure the toilet's got great suction and the thread count on the sheets is four figures."

Tenaglia: We would get his wish list for the next season; there was always this moment of eye-rolling like, "Okay, we're going to Africa, and then we're going to the Caribbean." All right, Caribbean, yes we get it.... There was some calculation going on there.

Fallon: There were folks who wanted to put him at this fancy golf resort near the town of Welch, West Virginia. And they were like, "Tony will be more comfortable there." I was telling them, "No. He's gonna stay in town." It's old, it's run-down, it's not exactly comfortable. You can't drink the tap water there. And Tony showed up there being like, "I love this little hotel!" And he'd just be sitting there on the front porch, screwing around with his phone, kind of absorbing the environment with no one messing with him. And I saw him truly comfortable and happy there.

Collins: Tony was also sorta klutzy.

Tenaglia: Very klutzy.

Meehan: He had an AOL e-mail address.

Paula Froelich (author, journalist): I'll never forget laughing my ass off because he was obsessed with my dog, who's a small dachshund. He'd always walk my dog, and he was so tall and the dog was so long and short, they would look like this movable L.

Collins: It was our first or second Russia shoot. We went out to a decommissioned air-force base where there were two MiGs [jets] sitting on a tarmac that was completely shattered, with weeds coming up. We rig a camera in the cockpit, looking straight up at Tony. Off we go together, and I cannot tell you how exciting it was flying across the [former] Soviet landscape in MiGs, wing-to-wing. And I could see Tony and see the color of his skin changing. He looked like a man that was not going to make it through the flight.

We get to the ground. Tony gets out of his plane. Tony is gray. His skin color was a mess, and we go in and start drinking vodka straight afterwards. He's smoking like there's no tomorrow. So I go out to check the footage from the plane, and the camera was double punched. [It wasn't usable.]

I went back, like, "Tony, we didn't get the footage." He's like, "That's your fucking problem. I'm not going back up there."

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In 2016, before the election, President Barack Obama joined Bourdain for an episode shot in Hanoi, Vietnam, a meet-up that was months in the making.

Jake Tapper (chief Washington correspondent, CNN): The Obama White House reached out to me because Obama was going to Kenya, and somebody had the idea of Bourdain joining Obama and going someplace in Kenya with him. But Bourdain couldn't do it. I don't remember why, but he had something, and I just passed it on. To me, I thought that was funny because…what did he have better to do?

Sandy Zweig (executive producer, 'Parts Unknown'): I think that's probably the only time I've seen Tony nervous.

Meehan: I asked him about the Obama hang, because obviously you ask about that. And he said to Obama, "We're both fathers. Can you tell me, is everything going to be okay?" And Obama said, "Yes, Tony. Everything is going to be okay." And he was comforted by that.

Goulding: We went out to El Bulli. Albert and Ferran Adrià, the brothers, hosted us for a big barbecue there on the beach. And Ferran turned to Tony and said, "How far can you keep going? Where else can you go? You can't go to the moon!" And Tony goes, "Really? Why not? I'll go to the moon and make an episode on the moon. I'll go anywhere."

Tower: We were going to CBS. We were walking down the block to go to the studio, and on the other side of the street were some 15 or 20 really loud, professional strikers. Tough guys from New Jersey, screaming and yelling. They saw Tony, and they turned around and went, "Hey, Tony, Tony, Tony!" And he went over and said, "Hey, guys, you know, I'm doing a show, could you just tone it down for about 15 minutes?" "Yeah, Tony, of course, anything for you." Now, who in the world could get a bunch of New York picketers to shut up, other than Tony? They just turned into little, quiet mice instantly. For about an hour.

Jen Agg (chef, author): I got an advance copy of my book to him and didn't expect much, but within a week he'd sent me a beautiful, cover-worthy quote, and I actually cried. I couldn't quite believe he'd done it.

I was very used to being dismissed/ignored/vilified by the men who run my industry, so when he chose to do the opposite, I was very, very touched.

Meehan: He kinda got to a point where he didn't need to do anything, but he still did everything, 'cause the opportunity that he had meant something to him.

Goulding: He [eventually just got] tired of eating. You could see it. Very rarely he said anything more than, "Mmm, that's really good." I said, "You don't talk about food anymore." And he was like, "What do you need me to tell you? You need me to tell you how the acidity plays off of the richness of the cream sauce? And how the crunch helps refresh your palate? Bullshit. You don't need me."

Off camera, Bourdain still greatly enjoyed cooking, hosting, and gently fucking with loved ones.

Marcus Samuelsson (chef): He took me to this Russian bar [Siberia, a now defunct dive bar located inside a subway station]. This was, like, at two o'clock in the morning. I had my speech and demo the next day. He had his speech and demo the next day, too. He said, "Marcus, you need to get out, because you have to be sober tomorrow, and guess what: I don't. I'm going to do my demo hungover and be fine." I'm completely trashed, and he's laughing. My demo was horrible. I was hungover, and I see Tony and he's just laughing on the stage: "See, I told you."

Ripert: Oh, my God, [that bar] was disgusting. It was dirty. He loved the music, and the music was, in my opinion, horrible.

Doug Quint (co-owner, Big Gay Ice Cream; close family friend): He needed to shut up sometimes. Which I told him.

Tower: There was the time when Tony was supposed to interview me. Tony started asking me questions, and then it turned into about a three-hour monologue about himself. He'd ask a question, but it really wasn't a question, it was an observation. And then I would open my mouth to say something, and he would just then go on with more brilliance.

I kept looking at the director, and she was cracking up and just shrugging. I finally said, "Hey, Tony, are you going to ask me a fucking question or not?"

In 2007, Bourdain married Ottavia Busia. Together they had a daughter, Ariane, now 11 years old. The couple separated in 2016 but never formally divorced.

Collins: A few years ago he was doing a cookbook, and they were testing recipes up at his apartment. So we went up there, and he made a meat loaf that was really horrific. And our daughter was like, "I thought he could cook!" She's 14 now, and after Tony passed away and everyone was putting up their messages outside the restaurant, she went over there by herself, and she wrote a note. And on that note she wrote, "I really didn't enjoy your meat loaf, but the pancakes you made were fantastic."

Quint: You know, at his house especially, he just loved grilling giant slabs of meat. But the first time I ate with him, I was at his house, and he'd prepared pigs in a blanket. Hebrew National pigs in a blanket. That was dinner. From a box. They were horrible. And they were burned. It was pre-emptive. He was like, "I cooked food, but I hope you don't expect much," and then he threw those at us as a joke.

He used to leave the gas stove on. I remember a sign painted over it that Ottavia put up to remind him to turn off the oven or the stove. He would take something off the burner and leave it on.

José Andrés (chef, author): The last two, three years, he was cooking more and more—almost like he was coming back to cooking. He was enjoying cooking again.

Boulud: He was taking pride in doing simple things, even if it was a steak frites. Tony was quite European in a way, in his thinking of cooking. Even French, I would say.

Ripert: When he was renting a house, he was a real chef. You will go to the kitchen, his mise en place was incredible, like something that you see only in fine-dining restaurants. He was so precise with all the ingredients in the different containers that were perfectly placed on the table. He never cooked anything bad for me.

Quint: He's the kind of host like Ina [Garten] or Martha [Stewart], who has Tupperware ready to go at the end of a meal. He made sure there were extras and that you went home with stuff.

Homme: He liked all the bits that were well beyond what I liked. They make tripe out in the desert in these giant cauldrons, for all the guys who pick grapes and citrus. He was like, "Tripe!" I was like, "I can't believe you're excited about tripe." He's like, dad-joking, "It takes guts to love tripe."

Andrés: He never got his scuba-diving permit. I gave him a computer, and he did the course at the same time with my 10-year-old daughter. He had to study to take his scuba-diving diploma. Tony was reading the books and everything, but going through the exam online was a pain in the butt. Well, he passed because my daughter did it for him.

He was an excellent scuba diver. Very calm. You could see that he was very bold. I think under the water he found, always, a lot of peace. No photos, no cameras, no selfies, no people asking him questions. He was just one more guy watching life going by. And that's why he liked scuba so much.

Quint: It was at a rental house out in the Hamptons, and it was the first time I'd ever spent a night with him or anything like that. Their daughter [Ariane] at that time was probably 5. She came and tapped on Ottavia's arm and whispered to her, and Ottavia said, "Oh, she's going to do her song." And I said, "What does that mean?" And Tony said, "Don't ask. Just watch."

Ottavia took her phone and cued up "Call Me Maybe," and Ariane came out from behind the wall and lip-synched and acted the whole thing out. Picking up a phone and fake calling into a phone, and it was just the most fuckin' adorable thing I'd ever seen. I remember looking over at Tony, and he just stared at her with this look on his face like, just he was seeing perfection and couldn't believe it had come out of him, you know? It's exactly what you want to see in a parent's eyes when they look at their kid. I sometimes didn't like Tony, but I always loved Tony, and there was a lot to love when I saw that look come out at her.

Homme: I was saying to him, "I want my daughter to do martial arts and learn to play piano." And he said, "I don't care what she does, as long as she loves it." I thought that was beautiful, because that is the right attitude for parenting. Not to push—to help someone be who they already are and to help someone search hard enough to find who they could be.

Hamilton: That's the thing about friendship with Tony. Tony lavishes you with love and friendship and generosity and kindness, and then he disappears in the night and you don't get to reciprocate. It wasn't mutual. But it was breathtaking to be loved by him.

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Friends also recognized that life wasn't always easy for Bourdain, and that he had his own demons and struggled with the burden of his fame.

Thornburgh: He wasn't out there kicking his heels all the time and saying, "I'm rich and famous." I think he felt the darkness of it, too.

Andrew Zimmern (TV host): We're shooting promos, standing around, both drinking coffees, smoking a cigarette, waiting for the cameras to get set up. And he looks at me, and he says, "Television is such a vile mistress." Then we heard, from 200 yards away, "Action," and we started to walk, and I was paralyzed, like, "What the fuck does he mean by this?"

Andrés: I think Tony always saw himself as a man always on the edge of the good or the bad. It's like a knife. It's a very small edge, a very thin edge, but you have to be careful because you can cut yourself and you'll never know what side of the knife's blade you're going to end up on.

Tenaglia: Chris and I had dinner with him three weeks before he died. We had a really great meal together. I remember he had a big piece of steak, a big fat slice of cheesecake at the end of it. I'm just very, very thankful that we had that moment with him. Because three weeks later, to the day, he was gone.

On June 8, 2018, Eric Ripert discovered Bourdain dead by suicide in the bathroom of a French hotel. Ripert declined to discuss Bourdain's final days for this story. Actor and director Asia Argento, with whom Bourdain was involved at the time of his death, politely declined to participate altogether. The wounds remain fresh and deep, but those closest to Bourdain appear to have absorbed an awful lot from him about how life ought to be lived.

Quint: I heard my phone going off in the middle of the night, and it was a text from Ottavia saying, "He's killed himself, and I wanted you to know before the news came out." I [drove] to O'Hare and went to their house. The whole morning, I was sitting head down, making sure I didn't look at the TV. It's just so fuckin' lousy. It feels like you're speeding into a black hole.

Tenaglia: I don't think it was a shock that one day we would get a call. It was like, "Okay. Maybe we should prepare ourselves that one day Tony's either gotten into a plane crash, or flipped on an ATV, had a heart attack."

Collins: Not expecting, but you acknowledge that it could happen.

Tenaglia: But we didn't expect that call. It's like someone's just hit you with a giant fucking frying pan.

Meehan: It was hard to understand because he was really good at being a person.

Rosner: He was the center of so many ecosystems.

John Birdsall (writer): He didn't speak as if he had power, which was the great thing.

Lajaunie: I was on a trip in the north of Vietnam, on the Ho Chi Minh Trail. I stopped in this little village, exactly the kind of place where Tony and I would have stopped on the way. I heard my phone ding, with news, and I learned from the A.P. or Reuters that he had just killed himself. It could not have been a better place, and it could not have been a worse place. It was exactly the place we would have been together. And so it was eerie.

Homme: There's a [New Yorker article called "Jumpers"], about people who jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. And all the survivors say the exact same thing, that as soon as their fingers left that bridge, they were like, Stop, wait, if I could just take that back…. I think with two more seconds, it wouldn't be this way.

Quint: That day, Ariane said to me something like, "Is this something that people outside of New York are gonna know about?" And we were like, "Yeah. All around the world, people are sad about this." Telling her that made me realize, Jesus, God, this is world news. He changed lives around the world.

Froelich: I just think it's lonelier without him in the world.

Bourdain: I have in my possession the notes that people put up on Les Halles. I have them at the house. There was one woman who drove up from fucking Tennessee. Some dude took the back of an envelope to find some blank white space to write on, and he stuck it onto the glass at Les Halles with a Band-Aid. He wrote this personal, heartfelt little thing and then stuck it on with a fucking Band-Aid.

Fred Morin (co-owner, Joe Beef): I decided to put the bottle down. About 73 days.

Fallon: I've stopped drinking as a part of this whole thing, too.

Lajaunie: I'm moving to Vietnam. I think it's time for me to do it.

Zweig: I just assumed that we would finish [the show]. It just seemed wrong not to. It's his life's work. Why not take the material that we have and make the most of it?

Tenaglia: There has not really been a moment to actually sit and try to fully process the fact that he's gone. The producers and the editors were left in the aftermath to deal with all the footage for the five, six, seven shows of Parts Unknown we have to present. I know this one longtime director-editor, Nick Brigden, said it so beautifully: It dawns [on] you...I'm not going to [get his] feedback. But then at the same time, I know exactly what that feedback would be. Through all these years of working with him, through osmosis, we have the same creative force and integrity as that guy. Whether he was alive or not here, we have all ingested it. And we're trying to move forward with it.

Goulding: The one common thing you hear from everyone is "Why does this hurt so much? I didn't know the guy." Yes, you did know the guy. You shared 100 meals with him, if not more. He shared 1,000 meals with the world. He did that year after year, episode after episode. So to not be able to do that anymore, I think is a big hit for all of us. From President Obama down to your friggin' mailman, everyone feels that loss.

Boulud: When Tony passed away, I suddenly watched a lot on CNN to see all these retrospectives on him, because I needed to feel connected. But I haven't looked at the episode we did in Lyon since Tony passed. I want to do that in a moment where I can relax and enjoy and watch it maybe with my family in France. That would be nice.

Hamilton: I have a very, very, very, very tender, fond moment of saying goodbye to Tony in L.A. I had to leave, and he was napping on his couch in his trailer, sleeping with his arms across his chest. No blanket. Shoes on. And me going in and just touching him on the arm and saying, "I'm leaving, thank you," and going back to the airport. Just a brief kiss-on-the-cheek kind of goodbye.

Fallon: People have said to me, "Well, you probably don't wanna talk about that." I feel exactly the opposite. I want to talk about Tony. I want to make sure that people understand and know that that was the real deal, man. That was a singular, brilliant, magnificent human being.

Thornburgh: My wife's father's family is from Japan, so we went and did a month in Japan a few years back. We were at the last soba shop in Hokkaido, the northern island of Japan, a place you walk over wood planks over a pond to get to. It just felt like the edge of the earth. My kid, who must've been like 7 at the time or something, he taps me on the shoulder, and he's like, "Dad, it's your friend." I'm like, "What are you talking about?"

I turn around and, of course, because it's this planet we all share, there's a picture of fucking Tony shaking hands with the soba master in that noodle shop. You cannot go find something that he hadn't done or where he hasn't gripped and grinned. The end of the earth. "Daddy...there's your friend."

Drew Magary is a GQ correspondent.

A version of this story originally appeared in the December 2018/January 2019 issue with the title "The Last Curious Man."

[jestdrabbles]

Every Hurdle, Every Chasm - Chapter 01

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia Warnings: none Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Iida Tenya, Uraraka Ochako, Asui Tsuyu, Todoroki Shouto, Iida Tensei, Tenya’s mother, Ochako’s parents Relationships: Dekusquad friendship | Pining Tododeku & Tsuchako Other info: Dekusquad Roadtrip AU ; Fun times ahead but also some tough emotional times so I should definitely warn about that!; MAJOR MANGA SPOILERS.

Words: ~8,000 | Chapter: 01/14 | Language: English

Official first day of the roadtrip! Each chapter spans the course of a day, so their length will vary depending on what happens. Some are more eventful than others, but hopefully everything rounds out all right!

Day 01 : Christmas Eve [December 24]

“Todoroki, you look awful,” Ochako tilts her head toward him on the commute to the station. Even if the sun has been out for a few hours, their morning has only started from the cacophony of yawns and eye rubs. They’re all a little sluggish in their steps save for Tenya who could probably handle a jog if it weren’t for the rest of them straggling behind. Shouto blinks to her in a delayed, deepened grunt.

“Yeah.”

“And this is why we plan ahead! I’m sure Todoroki has learned his lesson and will not let this happen again,” Tenya handles the scolding gently as he pats his very sleepy friend’s shoulder. Shouto’s engulfed in his blue scarf, lowering his chin to yawn into it as he conveniently avoids Ochako’s pout. Izuku glances down at his thermos of the morning’s coffee, then hesitantly extends it to Shouto as a quiet offering, but he fails to register it in his delirium. “Uraraka, do you need any help with your bags?”

“It’s not too heavy,” she shrugs her shoulder holding the duffle bag and keeps careful not to let the suitcase rolling behind her stray in an awkward direction as it bumps over the sidewalk curbs. He accepts her resolve and eyes over the others to double check their moods.

Tsuyu is bundled most of all with what appears to be a fashionable blanket draped over her torso, a knit hat on her head, and her hands are covered in thick mittens. She notices him looking and lifts her hand to offer a thumbs up to reassure that she’s fine, just drowsy. They all know the cold is rough on her, so he takes a few steps backward to place his hand on her back, and she naturally leans against his touch to accept his extra warmth.

Meanwhile, Shouto’s only just accepted the thermos and seems to be staring at it as if he’s embarrassed. His attention can only focus on so much right now, so he fails to notice the way Ochako eyes Izuku, and Tenya keeps his own amusement to himself.

“Thanks,” he says after a sip and returns it before he’s tempted to take another. Izuku accepts it with a smile and nod; he quickly shelters his oncoming influx of words with his own gulp and nearly burns his tongue on the coffee. Smooth, Deku. He fans his tongue with a groan as Ochako rolls her eyes into a snorted snicker.

“So Iida, what’s your house like? Should I prepare myself like with Yaomomo’s, or even what I imagine Todoroki’s?” she asks with curiosity, and he waves his hand quickly before she can even mention the latter.

“No, no, nothing like Yaoyorozu’s estate, I assure you! I can understand your assumptions, of course, but we live in a normal house,” Tenya tenses in his hand motion, still conscious of Tsuyu at his side. Ochako pats his arm as she covers her mouth with her other hand to stop herself from laughing.

“Is your whole family going to be there?” Izuku asks, and Tenya shakes his head.

“Unfortunately, my dad couldn’t take off, but my mom and Tensei will be there.”

“I wonder if we’ll get to see any pictures of tiny Iida,” Ochako imagines it the best she can, but it’s hard to picture their tall and earnest friend as little kid.

“Wait, what about my house?” Shouto belatedly joins the conversation.

“Huh? O-oh! I just mean that you’ve mentioned your family has an old Japanese-style house, so I assume it’s big?” round, chestnut eyes almost look back to him apologetically if she’s accidentally offended him. Sometimes his tone or expression can be hard to read, but he mouths an oh as if he’s finished processing the rest of the topic.

Also, your father is the Number One Hero.

Thankfully, they all have enough tact not to say it.

As soon as they take their seats on the train, Shouto’s out like a light with his head leaned against the window, and Tenya takes the seat beside him. Tsuyu sits in the window seat across with Ochako stealing the aisle seat before Izuku has a chance. Accepting his solo seating, he takes the row in front of Tenya and Shouto.

“I thought he’d be more of a morning person,” Ochako points toward their slumbering companion; Izuku and Tenya do their best to suppress their laughter. “What? Is that weird?”

“No, no, it’s not,” Izuku’s voice squeezes through the chuckle and crack in the seat, “I thought so too, but I think it was one of our training trips? I don’t remember exactly, but yeah, no, he’s almost like a zombie in the morning unless there’s something important.”

“He seems to have two methods of sleeping: like a corpse or constantly tossing and turning,” Tenya mimics the motions as if he’s acting the part of his friend, and Ochako bursts out laughing and has to muffle it in Tsuyu’s shoulder. “I’m serious. One time when we all had to share a room, I got up to use the restroom, and I swear, his feet were where his head should have been!”

“Wait, you never told me about this!” Izuku’s smile spreads, but then it hits him that Tenya may have more secrets about them to share. “Please tell me I’m not embarrassing when I sleep.”

“I bet Deku mumbles in his sleep.”

“Actually--”

“Oh no,” Izuku buries his face in his hands as he dreads what nonsense his unconscious spills when he’s already muttering embarrassing thoughts in his wake. He spreads his fingers to peek through at Tenya from the slit for reassurance, but only confirmation awaits him in the form of near-pitying nod. “Fuck,” he groans. Tenya’s jaw drops at the curse as if he’s never heard it from his nice, freckled friend, but he’s cut off before he can give the proper lecture.

“Hey, don’t worry about it! It’s like talk radio! Maybe it’ll help us sleep better,” Ochako pumps her fists.

“I croak sometimes,” Tsuyu exposes herself without shame, “and Ochako gets clingy.” The gasp of betrayal is quelled with a lighthearted bump of shoulders. To be fair, most of the girls in their class feel comfortable enough sprawled across one another.

“I think I’m the same way. I like hugging my pillow,” Izuku comes down from his own embarrassment with everyone else sharing their sleeping habits. “I drool a lot though.”

“If I don’t have my nasal strips, I snore rather loudly,” Tenya admits, “otherwise, I believe I’m fairly still.”

“Oh! And I have to wear these mittens for my hands so I don’t touch anything,” Ochako holds up her hands and wiggles her padded fingertips. Izuku almost bumps a passerby in his lean as he studies her hands from his seat, and the quirk-loving cogs in his head begin to turn as he realizes that he never thought about a detail like that. People with a touch-based quirk are certainly at a disadvantage in that regard, but that problem is probably more troublesome during development when they’re not quite sure the specifics regarding their quirks, so to worry about control and care at this point is a bit moot. “Deku, it’s not that deep,” she reaches across to tap his seat and jog him from his train of thought.

He’s teased himself about perhaps having been born with a mundane quirk like excessive muttering or extreme emotional response, and he almost wouldn’t doubt it at this point. Whoever is to inherit One For All from him someday is in for some possible word vomit or waterworks.

“I think something like that would be more troublesome,” Tsuyu points across to Shouto’s visible breath slipping between his slightly parted lips. Tenya takes it upon himself to unbutton his own overcoat and drape it over him without waking the sleeping beauty.

They resume the ride with idle chit-chat, tossing and returning commentary as Izuku finishes the rest of his coffee, cool enough to gulp down without fear of burning again. Sometimes the caffeine worsens his jitters and mumbles, but he knows he wants to keep awake and energized for the car ride ahead. Tsuyu indicates his bouncing leg and asks if he’s nervous or excited, and when he answers the second, she smiles and ribbits in agreement.

They’re practically shoved to and fro on their way out the station to switch lines, and through the denser crowds, Izuku reaches his hands out to connect with his friends to be sure no one gets pulled away in the foot traffic. Thankfully, keeping behind Iida’s broad shoulders helps the smaller members of the group keep contained well enough, and Shouto is alert enough to worm his way through without bumping into anyone. Izuku thinks he may be a bit too good at avoiding them.

The following ride feels like mere moments compared to the last, so they stand with their belongings close to their chests if they can help it and try not to get too carried away in a conversation. Once free of their train prisons, they exit the station with unified exhales and stretches -- a very worn out choir harmonizing in sighs.

Thankfully, journeying to the Iida household isn’t so bad, and they all appreciate a good walk after sitting and standing still for so long. Tenya leads the way with Izuku and Ochako behind him and Tsuyu keeping at Shouto’s left, hesitant to walk too close but still near enough to bump arms if she bends.

“Oh wait, Iida!” Ochako reaches forward to pat his back a couple times. “Is there a convenient store by your house?”

“If we take a small detour. Why, did you forget something in your luggage?”

“We need to stock up on snacks for the road! It’ll be better if we do that beforehand, don’t you think?”

“Excellent thinking, Uraraka!” he grins, and the others perk up at the suggestion.

He leads them through the residential area near some local businesses and shops. Stopping at the corner store, they immediately scatter to different sections once inside. Ochako and Tsuyu spend time narrowing their preferences down to a few fruit snacks and sweets while Izuku shies away from the spicy snacks as if he’s had an awkward past affair with them. Tenya prioritizes stocking up on some orange juice, and he turns to see Shouto with an arm full of bags ranging in types of different snacks and their flavors. With a word of admiration, he appreciates his friend treating everyone, but Shouto only wears confusion as he makes his way to the checkout counter with his plethora of junk food.

Ochako and Tsuyu follow suit with their haul of packaged mochi, gummies, and pocky -- things that are easy to share with others -- and they notice that Izuku has some sweet bread and chips. His logic is that they can ask Shouto to warm the buns, and Ochako points both fingers at him like barrels of a gun as she praises his genius. They consolidate everything into as few bags as possible, pass most of them off to Shouto’s offering hands, and follow Tenya en route to his very welcoming abode.

Tenya Iida can certainly shove his own key into the door to welcome them inside, but he rings the doorbell so his family can greet them more readily. It only takes a few moments before the lock clicks and the door opens to Mrs. Iida’s gentle smile, her eyes obscured by her glasses’ shine. Without hesitation, she presses on her toes to wrap her arms around her much taller son, giving him a pat on the back before she turns toward the rest of the house.

“Tensei! Your brother and his friends are here!” she announces, and she steps back to welcome everyone inside to remove their shoes. One by one, they thank her for her hospitality and follow Tenya to the kitchen where his smile spreads upon seeing his older brother finishing setting the table. He scoots back from the table and turns his chair to meet them grinning as he wills it forward.

“Long time, no see! I can’t believe my baby brother’s already taller than me,” he jokes and accepts the oncoming embrace. When they part, Tensei looks over his friends and sees how Izuku’s fingertips mask a wobbly smile and can’t help but chuckle. “He okay?”

“I think he’s excited to see Ingenium in person,” Tenya clarifies, and it breaks the dam loose of Izuku’s brief exposition of past achievements and admirations. It continues on until Ochako nudges him that he’s getting a little carried away, and he lowers his head in a flustered apology. Tensei can see the pride shining through on his little brother from his friend’s praise, and his smile softens.

“Well, he gets to see Ingenium every day, doesn’t he?” Tensei bumps his fist lightly against Tenya’s arm and turns to face Izuku. “Nowadays, I’m not doing so much heroics.”

“That doesn’t change anything,” Izuku’s wide grin remains. “Heroes, active or retired, still have so much to teach us. All Might’s my favorite hero, and he’s been retired for a couple of years now.”

“He’s right. I still hold onto what I’ve learned from you,” Tenya agrees, and he’s satisfied to know that Tensei doesn’t necessarily need the encouragement. If anything, Tensei’s concerns lie with his little brother’s expectations for himself; he’s keeping the hero name alive, but he understands well the burden it brings.

“You’re going to make me blush,” he chuckles to both his brother and Izuku. “You all are on a schedule, right? Go ahead and take a seat at the table. I know it’s closer to lunch, but I hope you’re fine with a late breakfast instead.”

They all comply gleefully and gather around the table, but Tenya offers to help serve the food with his mother and brother. The three return to the table with bowls of rice, soup, vegetables, and separate serving plates for the fish. Once Mrs. Iida has placed the pitchers of water and orange juice, they all sit together and help themselves to the nice breakfast with words of warmth and gratitude.

“I’m so happy U.A. is giving you kids this break,” Mrs. Iida speaks softly. “Tenya has always been such a diligent worker, but even heroes need holidays.” Izuku watches how her gaze lingers on her sons, and he can understand the sentiment from a hero family like theirs. “And Tensei has been so busy at the office that I hardly see him anymore. I didn’t even know that he stopped seeing that nice--”

“Ah, we don’t need to talk about that!” Tensei pipes in a bit flustered, and she sighs.

“It’s a shame it didn’t work out.”

“It’s no big deal,” Tensei retracts a little in his nervous smile. The others chuckle, and Izuku sees from the corner of his eye as Shouto pulls out his phone. He scrolls through his pictures, chopsticks still guiding food to his mouth, and as he finds what he’s searching for, he turns the screen toward the older Iida.

“I have a sister.”

“T-That’s not necessary, thank you!”

“Oh, let me see,” his mother adjusts her glasses and takes a look. She places her hand on her cheek fondly, “She’s lovely! Tensei, isn’t she cute?”

“Mother, please,” he waves his chopsticks at her in a lighthearted scold.

He pockets his phone and addresses Tenya with the same neutral expression, “A shame. We could have been in-laws.” The group laughs at the joke but apologizes to Tensei for having it at his expense. They have to explain that Shouto is just like that with his humor. Mrs. Iida’s worries wash away in the company of her sons and their friends, and Tenya catches himself in its flow. The fear she’s gone through from almost losing her sons is far more than she should have to bear.

They finish their meal through lively conversation, but they know better than to dawdle too long in their post-breakfast coffee. Everyone but Shouto and Izuku take a cup, so they attempt to down it quickly without risking a burn. Tensei breaks from the table to grab something from the living room, and he returns to Tenya’s side to gently place the keys on the table in time for the rest of them to stand. The former hero knows how to predict timing better than Tenya can remember; his skills never truly stop improving just because they’re applied a tad differently now.

Mrs. Iida wishes them all a safe trip, hands holding themselves over her stomach as she bids them farewell, and Tensei follows behind to give his brother one last hug. Before they leave, Shouto steps forward, leans down a bit, and mutters something about having brothers, too. Tensei waves his hands exclaiming that that isn’t the issue here.

Ochako holds out her arms toward his back and groans that he can’t keep getting away with it, and the rest laugh, apologize again for their friend’s comments, and tug him by the arm on their way out.

“Seatbelts, everyone! Be sure to leave the strap in front of you, even if you find it a bit uncomfortable,” Tenya adjusts the mirrors once he’s fastened his own, and he takes a glance to the backseat where Tsuyu sits with snacks occupying her lap and Ochako and Shouto on either side of her. Izuku occupies the passenger seat of the boxy white van, practically bouncing in excitement as the real start to their trip feels ready to roll.

“Todoroki, don’t lean against the window if you’re going to sleep -- don’t give me that look -- it isn’t safe. You can recline your seat if you need to.” Tenya uses his hands to indicate the motion, and Shouto blinks slowly as if debating the argument before complying to his friend’s wishes. With that out of the way, Tenya starts the engine and pulls out from the street to start navigating toward the highway.

Traffic interrupts their forward motion so long that Tsuyu entertains the idea of making the car float until Tenya lists every possible reason why that is a horrible mistake, and she settles him down to tell him she’s only joking. Izuku keeps himself turned around in his seat to face the back and make small talk between the rest of them still awake. He volleys conversations about Christmas lights displays and that one year when All Might appeared dressed as Santa Claus for a charity event. Ochako is relieved that she doesn’t have to halt his eagerness this time, so they listen soundly as he recounts memories until they approach the highway.

Once they disperse from the cluttering cars, Izuku reaches a stopping point in his story and asks if anyone has music to play while he takes a sip from his drink. Ochako gladly connects her phone to the speakers and sets it to a playlist created specifically for their winding adventure.

There’s something about the open road that makes a voice belt until it cracks.

Ochako and Izuku exchange harmonies and duets, hands extending in theatrics as if playing the part of dramatic pop songs about love and longing. When they aren’t serenading each other, they’re flipping between Tenya and Tsuyu as their objects of adoration; the former flusters far more easily than the latter, especially with Izuku’s hand extending to grip his shoulder and beckon eye contact that sends the ever responsible driver into a sputtering safety lesson in maintaining a loving gaze with the road.

Tsuyu is the first to break open the snacks as she helps herself to one of the green tea mochi, and out of the corner of her eye, she can swear she sees a sleeping Shouto scowling. Her large finger points to him with a ribbit to the others, and Ochako, without needing any other word, plucks her phone from her lap and snaps a picture. While she’s at it, she takes a selfie with her froggy companion with a declaration that she wants a group photo as soon as possible.

A moment of crisis can feel like a lifetime, but between the laughter and loosening of responsibility, the same could be said for its serenity. Izuku rolls his window down despite the cold air whipping through to feel the wind pull back his curls for once without danger on the other end. Maybe it’s his sunny disposition or the sheer freedom of the feeling, but he almost doesn’t notice how winter sinks its teeth into his skin. Almost.

When he’s turned back around to face his friends, he sees Tsuyu leaning against Shouto’s left side with her arms burrowed beneath her thick poncho. Only an hour and a half on the road so far, about four remaining until they reach Ochako’s hometown. He decides to spare his friends the cold and rolls up his window and runs his hands through his hair to settle it back into its organized mess.

“Does anyone need to stop?” Tenya asks as he takes a quick scan through the rearview mirror. There’s an unanimous no until Ochako notices that their snack pile has sufficiently decreased. She follows the trail of open bags to see the garbage pile around Shouto’s feet, still and motionless in his sleep.

“Are you kidding me?” She stretches her arms across and cannot resist the humor of it as she laughs. “How is that even possible?”

“I take credit for the mochi and fruit snacks, but…” she ribbits, “he would make a good stealth hero.”

“So no one needs to use the bathroom or restock on drinks?” Tenya asks again, and he’s met with the same response, so he continues without paying exits any mind. The next few songs pass in a humming calm; however, when a familiar, catchy beat starts up, Ochako commands Izuku to turn up the volume so they can return to their second round of dancing in their seats.

This time, they aren’t the only ones singing along.

A third voice joins almost too harmoniously, too perfect. Ochako knows for a fact it isn’t her, so she lowers her own volume to try and hear, and Izuku naturally does the same. With both of them ruled out, they look to Shouto, still asleep, and finally arrive to hear Tenya singing solo before he catches onto their gazing. He fades out and stiffens his shoulders, wondering if he’s missed some sort of cue for a pause, but both of them are trapped in their own bewilderment until Izuku raises the volume and returns singing at his natural level.

The three of them finish the song, then Tenya is bombarded with their joined praise.

“Iida! Why didn’t you tell us you could sing like that?!” Ochako exclaims as his face melts into a proud smile, and he chuckles.

“I never thought it would come up,” he admits, “it has nothing to do with hero work, after all.”

“The Singing Hero, Ingenium,” Tsuyu comments with her finger to her mouth, tongue sticking out in a lighthearted manner.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” he says as checks the road behind and merges into the other lane, using both his blinker and a hand signal as if the car behind would see, “but I think there’s a great charm in how the both of you put so much energy behind your voices.”

Freckled cheeks blush from the acknowledgement, a certain shyness coming from knowing that someone with a smooth baritone voice has to be subjected to his own inexperienced yodeling. It doesn’t stop him from singing along to the next few songs, of course. If anything, now the trio can mentally agree on who sings what harmonies, and their dramatics now get to target a snuggled up Tsuyu Asui with her large hand cupping the side of her face.

After another song or two, Izuku turns in his seat to face Ochako and asks her to pass that AUX cord, and she eagerly rips it from the jack to hand him. He plugs it in, adjusts the volume to not completely blast their ear drums, and smashes his thumb on the play button to welcome All Might’s signature I am here! introducing one of his interviews.

Have mercy, they should have known this was coming.

Ochako may have taken it back from him then and there, but the way his face lights up is enough to reach an agreement to let their fluffy haired nerd listen to his favorite hero and share interview highlights with his friends. He gushes throughout, explaining references between questions and answers. When the first one ends, he follows it up with an old news report, then leads it into a second interview.

“…That’s right! Children inherit quirks from their parents,” All Might’s voice explains, and the car is quiet as they listen until a low voice almost talks over him.

“Can you turn it up?” they turn to see Shouto Todoroki’s eyes still closed, but his lips are turned slightly in a quiet smile. Izuku complies without question.

About three hours in, they pull into a gas station for a pit stop. They stretch and shuffle into the the convenient store as the attendant tends to their gas. Izuku finishes up his business and finds Shouto in the pre-packaged lunches, and gives him a bump of their arms.

“I can’t believe you’re a ninja,” he jokes, and Shouto turns to him, perplexed. “Still hungry?”

“Always,” he answers flatly as his hand hovers between rice balls and pickled vegetables.

“Do you feel more awake now?” Izuku asks as a cold right hand picks up the vegetables, and he’s met with dual colored eyes making contact with his own now, and he nods. Before they can continue the mundane conversation, Tsuyu locates them and taps Izuku’s shoulder.

“You should get whatever you need. We’re wanting to head out now,” she relays the message, most likely from Tenya waiting at the car. Then without even looking at him, she addresses the empty-handed teaser. “Pants, Izuku.”

“What!” he immediately checks himself and notes the dampness on his thigh with a contained shriek, “I swear, it’s not what you think!”

She parts from them without another word, and he hangs his head and promises that it’s from washing his hands. Shouto makes his purchase and passes Izuku a can of green tea from under his arm, and when they return to the car, Ochako has already claimed the passenger seat for herself.

“It’ll be easier if I can direct us when we’re in the area,” she clarifies before anyone can try debating, but no one questions it. Shouto readjusts his seat when he slips in after Tsuyu, and she cozies herself between the two with an obvious preference leaning toward her right.

“Tsuyu, do you need us to put on the heater?” Ochako asks once they merge back onto the road, and before she can answer, Shouto shrugs his shoulder to keep it pressed a little closer to her side.

“I can keep the car warm. Just pass me your jackets if you need me to heat them up,” he clenches and unclenches his left hand. Almost immediately, Ochako tugs off her varsity jacket and tosses it at his face, earning nothing short of an Ah before he pulls it down and regulates the heat around his arm. Izuku watches like he’s preparing for a quirk application lesson, and soon enough, the jacket is thrown back to its keeper in the same manner.

“Thanks, man!” she catches it and immediately nuzzles her face into the warm fabric with a an almost operatic note. “It’s like it just came out of the dryer! This is amazing!”

“If you’re sure you don’t mind, is this okay?” Tsuyu asks before linking her arm around his to feed off some of his body heat. He nods, and a noticeable smile spreads on her wide lips as she ribbits and presses her cold nose on his sleeve for a few seconds until it’s warm enough to loosen her hold on him.

“Is everyone else okay?” he asks, both charcoal and cerulean eyes passing over each passenger. When Izuku and Tenya tell him not to worry about them, he brings his attention to his lap to open his container of vegetables and start eating.

“Okay, so before you all drop me off at my parents’ apartment, I need to stop somewhere to change,” Ochako starts the rundown of her scheme. “I guess we can check you into the hotel first and then head over? That way I can get ready, and it isn’t like all of you have to be there to drop me off.”

“Are you kidding? Of course we’re all going to be there!” Izuku protests, and before she can wave her hands to deny, Tsuyu chimes in.

“You’re stuck with us, Ochako.”

“You guys,” her cheeks redden, and she presses her palms to her face. Tenya glances over with endearment plastered over his features. If he wasn’t so dedicated to keeping both hands gripped at 10-and-2, he may very well reach over to touch her shoulder.

“How do you think your parents are going to react?” Tsuyu asks.

“I don’t know! I’m sure one or both of them will tear up,” she giggles. “I may end up needing to call you back to do some immediate first aid if I surprise them too much,” she turns to Shouto with his mouth full of pickles. He chews and swallows at least before responding.

“For you or for them?”

The car is quiet before she cracks up laughing, interpreting the question as an indirect jab at her own explosive reactions. “For them! I’m not that bad!” He accepts the answer without any further comment or question as if he’s caught himself.

“Does your family have any sort of traditions for the holidays?” Tenya asks in a lighthearted tone.

“Nothing outside the house,” she mulls over memories. “If Mom had time, sometimes she would pull out these cute cookie cutters and we’d bake together. Oh! And hot pot when it’s really cold!”

The rest of the car shares a fantasy of hot pot, and she catches herself joining into the hum.

“How about the rest of you?” she turns in her seat to get a better look.

“Because we wouldn’t have school, I’d have to find ways to keep my siblings entertained,” Tsuyu explains. “I used to take them out to see some lights and decorations if any shops or streets put them on display, but mostly we’d try to stay inside as much as possible with movies.”

Her voice catches in her throat as a memory interrupts her thought, and her tongue slips past her lips. “I remember one year Samidare was dead-set on having a snowball fight until Satsuki hit him right in the face with one. We didn’t last long,” she laughs, and Izuku’s face brightens at the story.

“Sometimes I forget you have siblings,” he admits, and she turns to him with her cheek leaning on her fingertip.

“Sometimes I wish I could, too.”

“How about you, Deku?” Ochako prods him next for traditions, and he catches himself in a nervous laugh as he fidgets with his hands.

“Mom always supported my interests, so I must have gushed about Christmas after seeing a few specials because she started picking up on some of the traditions. We have this fake tree that we’ll decorate, we bake cookies, and she likes to make custom sweaters for us that seem to get tackier and tackier every year,” he scrunches his nose as if embarrassed, but he finds it hard to fight the smile.

“You wore one last year,” Tsuyu points out, and he points back.

“Yeah! She actually mentioned making one for All Might this year,” his bright smile softens.

“Woah, Deku. I didn’t know your mom and All Might were close,” Ochako pokes at his leg from her seat, and he chuckles.

“I didn’t either. I just found out that she visits him pretty regularly!”

“Midoriya, are you sure you aren’t All Might’s l--”

“I’m not!” Izuku cuts Shouto off with a break in his voice, always comical in nature. Tsuyu ribbits curiously as if asking about this inside joke, but his flustered face waves away any possible questioning.

“What about you, Iida?” Ochako asks the original topic starter. He ponders a moment as he decides what constitutes holiday tradition as opposed to cold weather tradition, and he decides that it essentially boils down to the same thing.

“We exchange gifts with each other, and some years, my father takes the night off to spend with my mother. Tensei and I might call each other, but there weren’t too many chances for us to all be together when I was growing up.”

“A hero family must be pretty busy, huh?”

“Busy, but not lonely,” he clarifies with genuine pride. He looks in the mirror toward Shouto and opens his grin as if to relate the sentiment, but he quickly tightens his lip when he sees his friend turned toward the window. “Even if we couldn’t be together, we would find ways to make it up. That’s the kind of sentiment I hope to carry for those around me, as well.”

“Aw, I definitely feel it!” Ochako nudges his arm gently with her fist.

“What about you, Todoroki?” Tsuyu glances over to see his head still turned away, and his right arm drops from the car door to return to his lap, but she feels his left arm heat up a little more. As he turns his head toward them, they watch carefully until his expression reveals itself as something akin to Class B’s Neito Monoma in all his petty glee. They lose it in a blurt of shock, save for Tsuyu who bluntly tells him he’s making a scary face and that he needs to stop.

He intends to leave it at that, but Tenya Iida needs a bit more of a real answer since he almost slammed down on the brakes from everyone’s shrieking. His expression eases down into a typical-Todoroki-scowl, and he sighs.

“Sometimes Fuyumi comes home with candy from her students,” the answer doesn’t match his expression, but they accept it in fear of deviating down an uncomfortable path. Still, they cannot help but wonder what that almost victorious sneer was about. Only Izuku can possibly imagine it has something to do with Endeavor, but he keeps it to himself as they remark how the students must adore her to send her home with treats for the holidays.

The season calls the sky back down so much sooner than before, and they catch sight of a peeking moon overhead despite daylight hours still too stubborn to give. They drive onward in softer tones and dryer throats, but spirits rise at sundown. As the sun descends lower in the flurries of pinks, oranges, and yellows, Izuku watches with a sparkle in his eyes and fingertips pressed to the glass as he takes in the colors and changes. He pulls out his phone and preserves the feeling to his memory, sending a copy over to All Might; he wonders if the sky back home looks quite this vibrant.

Unbeknownst to him, Ochako has taken a picture of him, as well.

Nightfall takes over the city as they unlock the door to their hotel room and drop all their bags near the desk table. Tsuyu leaps onto the bed and rolls over onto her back with a series of relieved ribbits while Ochako begins digging through her bag and shoving a set of red and white clothes into her arms before making a beeline for the bathroom.They hear the lock click, and everyone else settles in the room with their own curiosities.

Izuku pulls the curtain apart to take a look at their scenic view of the neighboring building’s wall, and Tenya unpacks his thicker overcoat from his luggage to lay out on the unoccupied bed. He spreads his palms over the front to even out the folds and wrinkles, then tackles it with a wrinkle release spray drawn almost too swiftly from his bag. Satisfied with its freshened aesthetic, he takes it to the closet and hangs it loosely.

“I suggest we bundle a little more when we drop Ochako off,” he turns his attention to the other three, and Izuku deviates from the window to retrieve his knit cap and fingerless gloves from the plethora of folded hoodies that seemingly take up the bulk of his belongings. Tsuyu doesn’t need much reminding, but Shouto makes no movements to wear more than his sweatshirt and scarf.

“If I wear too much, I’ll get too hot,” he explains as he casts his eyes down to his left hand before Tenya can lay it on him. He looks back up with an unwarranted amount of seriousness for whatever nonsense he’s about to joke with, but a loud burst from the bathroom door cuts him off.

“Ho ho ho!” Ochako bellows, decked in full Santa gear including a thick, snow-white beard. “I am here!”

“That’s not what Santa says,” Tsuyu corrects, but Izuku is already fanboying at the reference with wide eyes and hands pressed to his mouth.

“And you’re positive that your parents won’t believe you to be some sort of intruder or possible threat?” Tenya asks after his initial exclamations and claps of Bravo!

“Our first year, they came crawling at me when I opened the door to my apartment like they were monsters in a horror movie,” she tugs the beard down to talk more clearly, “I think they can deal with a nonthreatening Santa suit and gifts.”

“Is everybody ready?” dark, wide eyes scan the hotel room for anyone still rummaging through folded clothes. Affirmations cross their lips, one by one, and Tsuyu ribbits in her own on her way toward the door, sure to hold it open for Ochako and her bag of presents.

Her bubbly disposition nearly intoxicates everyone as they catch themselves in smiles on their way to the car; even the hotel staff wish them a Merry Christmas with a chuckle upon seeing her march proudly with one black boot in front of the other. Tsuyu walks along beside her long enough for Ochako to sling a crimson sleeved arm around her shoulders as she gives another hearty laugh into the wintry night air.

The boys walking behind don’t know if they’ve ever seen her so proud of herself.

Ochako Uraraka doesn’t realize how loud a car door slam resounds when she’s standing outside her parents’ apartment complex in the quiet evening. Wind catches hold of her so quick that she has to press her palm onto her hat to keep everything in place, and she shivers one last time before she hears the window roll down with a car full of friends cheering her on in their own ways. She turns with her mittened hand on her heart and converts it to a fist she can pump back at them. A quick pivot on her heel, and she trudges onward toward the stairs up to the third floor with her sack of presents slapping against her back.

If she’s lucky, her parents won’t be home quite yet. Maybe she could exact her vengeance with giving them a little scare; however, when she unlocks the door and slips the keyring back into her pocket, she sees a light kept low from down the hall. Ochako kicks her boots off as quickly as she can and announces herself before anyone can come see what all the noise is. Instead, she hears no response and decides to investigate the source of the light.

Upon peeking through the entryway of their living room, she sees a small, illuminated tree kept on the end table of the small room. No decorations or natural scent, but she takes a seat beside it on the sofa and feels the soft glow in her eyes as she relaxes from excitement into a mellow calm. Padded fingertips tap the lights as she ponders when they decided to start decorating and why, but this appears to be the only one. Perhaps a co-worker gifted it, or maybe a client. She doesn’t know, but part of her can’t help but miss her parents even more.

These past three years have shaped her into the confident heroine she is now, but how much have they changed that she couldn’t perceive through calls and videos? Do they still bake cookies without her? Do they work later hours without a daughter to rush home to? At least they’ve seen her hair’s growth over the years or else she may worry that they won’t recognize her. A fleeting thought that forfeits her blank, half lidded eyes into rest as she sighs contentedly.

She pulls her phone out to let her friends know that they can head out since she’s still waiting on her parents to return. They wish her well and tell her that if she needs them for anything, they’ll be there without hesitation. Another wave of emotion washes over her as she reads over their individual responses in the group chat, and she can’t help but laugh a little when even Shouto sends his support when she knows well he’s supposed to be driving.

A clock’s tick occupies the living room in her absent-minded scrolling through social media until she hears the drop, lift, and jingling keys from behind the door. Quick to her feet, she lifts her bag of gifts and decides to make use of their small tree decoration as if she’s been caught in the middle of her Kris Kringling duties. Holding her position, she keeps her face turned toward the entryway to their den, and hearing her mother’s voice question the black boots at the door starts up her heavier pulse.

Waiting proves to be far too much for one eager Santa to handle, so she springs to her steps and meets them halfway in the hall -- her in the red and white suit with a clutched sack of gifts over her shoulder and them with their best horror faces ready to terrify whatever foolish intruder dared enter the Uraraka household alone. All three shriek upon seeing one another, but Ochako’s merges into mirthful laughter.

“Merry Christmas!” she extends an arm, and they recognize her voice immediately and practically sprint toward her with their own latching around their daughter. She yelps into their tight grasp and nearly drops the bag. Mr. Uraraka’s arms wrap around the two of them and lift them momentarily before he has to set them back down and stretch a little; euphoric energy can only do so much after a long day’s work.

“Ochako, what is all this?” Mrs. Uraraka holds her shoulders and rubs the red fabric of the Santa Suit as she eyes her down. On the way back up, her hands move to the curly beard, and she tugs at it with laughter as tears well up in the corners of her eyes. Ochako can hardly formulate the words, so she smothers her mother’s hand with her own mittened one and leads them both to the living room where she sits them down on the sofa.

Ochako Uraraka coughs and lowers her voice to mimic an idea of the iconic character.

“For the last eighteen years, you’ve both been very, very good to your daughter. And every year, she’s written me a letter pleading for even one small token to repay them. Finally, we worked out a deal, she and I,” she laughs and sets the bag down, rummaging through and holding out a present addressed to both of them. She takes a shuddering breath as she tries to keep up her character and composure through the emotional surge sending sparks within her heart. “If she worked hard and never gave up, then this would be the year she could deliver them herself.”

Her mother is already crying, hands covering her mouth as the tears slip down her cheeks, and her father’s jaw hangs loose once he’s said her name. They’re rendered speechless in their daughter’s charity, and they graciously accept her present and unwrap it together.

Within the box is a tropical themed postcard, and they turn it over to read:

I’m sorry I can’t take you to Hawaii yet. Personally, I don’t know if the sun out there can compete with the three of us. We’ll be here soon. I promise.

Mr. and Mrs. Uraraka cannot fight their smiles; they turn the card over again and again, watching their daughter pull out various gifts from her bag and placing them on their corresponding sides. An even amount: three packages for each parent.

With her hands empty, Ochako dons her beard in full and urges her parents to indulge with her sparkling stare. Only after she claps her mittens do they chuckle and comply. The gifts aren’t especially flashy or expensive, but they’re thoughtful. Nice fragrances, coffee and mugs, small appliances, accessories, anything she could squeeze into a few bags and boxes within her budget. They comment and compare, especially with a set of matching mugs, and she watches as her parents hold their gifts carefully in their overworked hands.

What she wouldn’t give to offer them a real holiday.

They set the gifts aside, and Mrs. Uraraka holds out her arms. Before Ochako can bend closer, her father tugs her into them, and the three meld into each other’s embrace. They haven’t had time to turn the heater on between all of this, yet they don’t even notice the chilly air when they’re together.

“We love you,” her mother tightens her hold, “so much.”

“I know, Mama,” Ochako sniffles into their shoulders, “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart,” her father pets her hat affectionately, and they stay a little longer until he tugs it off and wears it himself. Before their daughter can protest, Mrs. Uraraka snatches the beard and snaps it around her own face with her hands coming together in a playful clap.

“No, my secret identity!” she jokes and covers her face as she sinks to the floor. Her parents imitate her laughter from earlier with their hands on their bellies, and one pulls her up while the other fetches the light.

“Honey, can you grab those mugs and the new oven mitts?” Mr. Uraraka calls from the kitchen once he’s turned on the light. Mrs. Uraraka calls back gleefully and beckons Ochako to follow them, brightly patterned mitts in tow. He’s already pulling out sugar, butter, eggs, and other ingredients, and it doesn’t take long for the other two to catch on to his plan. “I know our Santa’s already come, but we can’t let her leave without some cookies.”

“Santa accepts your offering,” she beams with rosey cheeks blooming darker.

The three of them work together to mix the dough, roll them into balls of varying sizes, and nearly watch the oven like it’s the season finale of their favorite drama as they all bake into one unified mess. Ochako decides to cut them apart using the old cookie cutters, and once they’re cooled off, the family shares their snacks with mugs of hot chocolate and a gratuitous amount of marshmallows scattered atop.

She knows it isn’t magic because she’s worked hard, but Ochako Uraraka doesn’t mind sharing the credit with all the support her family and friends have offered her to get here. Every word of praise, every hand reaching out, and every shared smile, invaluable; she knows she wants to be the type of hero who can let those around her rest easy.

And if the three of them snoozing through their own sleepy snores is any indication, then she’s well on her way.