keepxfallingxdown

[lazzarella]

Kinn really has so much love inside of him, huh? And the way he loves Porsche with everything, when he lets himself love him, it’s just like… All that love has been bursting to get out and now it finally has somewhere to go

[frogmentarii]

QUESTIONS FOR OC CREATORS

Haaaa ok so I am doing this cause i saw @fallout-lou-begas steal it from @tarberrymentats and they both looked like they were havin hella fun so i am commandeering this for my own purposes. So lucky for yall its Emi time (art by the dearest @yesjejunus because yall need to see more of her work)

A) Why are you excited about this character?

Because she's an older woman (57) that breaks a lot of moulds and I love to see it. Aside from just enjoying older characters, Emi isn't a sweet old lady and she isn't here to try and mother anyone. Her drives are entirely her own and while she prioratizes herself and her sister before anyone else, its not always due to complete selfishness and just due to growing up in the wastes (I try to keep her character true to a fend for yourself setting as possible). I think Ill go into detail in another question with this, but I went through a lot of concepts and personalities for Emi before settling on someone who was seasoned and very much a product of the wastes. I think after seeing a lot of other couriers I finally figured out what I wanted to do differently, and that sort of helped guide her to become what she is today.

B) What inspired you to create them?

I think my last line there sort of short answers this. I wanted someone different from the other couriers I saw, and wanted to make one that was distinct or even juxtaposed against some tropes. She's a woman in her late 50s that doesnt try and play mom/granny to the companions, she very much has no stake in what happens to the Mojave, she doesnt care about Benny or that he shot her in the head (such is life in the Mojave, but she did have a job to complete so ripperoni him), and a lot of her motivations are selfish or exist to benefit her sister. She doesnt act 'old' in the fact that she isn't a wise caring soul or a grumpy old man, but rather her age is shown through her experience, and this also shapes her personality. She's never had to formally 'grow up' so she can come off as immature and irritating for her own entertainment, but she doesn't have youthful ignorance for how the world works. She knows how to be responsible but she doesnt have to act like it outwardly, even with her Tragic Caregiver Backstory.

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

To a large degree in the beginning, yes, and to specific degrees now, also yes. Writing in general isnt my strong point though I did know what I wanted for her. The main image is there but the details are funky, and Ive been slowly hammering those out as I work along with her and Camila's stories. There's been some huge changes along the way that help push both of them towards an ending I like and that fits them, and even if it takes forever and I never actually write a fic, I'll be happy when she finally feels completed in New Vegas.

Aside from that, she kind of fits in anywhere in regards to AUs. My friend @yesjejunus and I have probably like 40000 fucking aus for our OCs and all of them feel just as organic and their canon stories.

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

So I know I have an 'original concept Emilia' art on here where she looked like Laura Croft and had aviators but that wasnt even her first concept. I had originally wanted to make a petite southern belle type from Louisiana who used a shot gun and had a mean streak, but as I kept playing with concepts Emi really started to lean other places. Another huge change was her personality. Even when her concept got settled as a sniper from Mexico, she was suppose to be an early 30s caravan guard who was way too sure of herself. While there are reminents of that concept still in her, she has a lot more experience in the wastes and in think-on-your-feet situations to back up her attitude. Another thing she required was dropping her "take me seriously" personality with more goofy "i do what i want cause why not" traits.

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

Emi can get along with anyone at a surface level, for a small while, if it will benefit her or she wants to pass time. She really doesn't have interest in folks who arent interesting or beneficial in some way. Since I don't really offer her much, and am a bit of a wet bag, she might yank my chain for her own funsies or she'd have no interest.

And while I did indeed give Emi my go with the flow attitude, I think I wouldn't be able to keep up with her. Emi is very fast paced and doesnt necessarily have regard for those she decides to pick up as drinking buddies for the night. Def dont trust her with my life, and knowing the shit she gets into I'd def want to steer clear of it....like a trainwreck its much better to watch her from a safe distance, lol.

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

A lot of affection from a meta standpoint? I've worked with Emi and Cam a lot since creating them, and they've def come a long way since their original concepts. I wouldn't say their story is quite where I want it yet, but I am quite happy with it overall.

That, and Ive met so many awesome writers along the way with Emi. Not all of my friends have posted fic but the amount of world building and having our characters interact and talking OCs ive done with them has placed both Emi and their OCs in a special place for me. Sure her having her own story is fun but I much more prefer the bonds Ive created with people over OCs and I think thats a bit more of a cherished component to character creation for me.

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

Literally? That she likes to be irritating if she feels she can get away with it (or even if she cant). Actually? That she has a very "I shelter you and feed you therefore I make the rules, period." stance on how she takes care of her charge. She lets a lot of shit slide with Camila but things get very Rapunzel-esque at times.

H) What trait do you admire most?

How sure of herself she is. Even if its to a fault, she trusts herself and her judgements. That sort of confidence is something I strive to have haha.

To a lesser degree, and more of a meta point I wanted to make with her, just...her appearance I suppose? To me she's attractive, but she also has a lot of traits that aren't conventionally attractive and that's played a lot into how Ive wanted her to be. Again she's 57 years old. She has age to her body, her skin wrinkles and droops, her tits sag, she has the body of someone who uses chems, and yet despite her age and breaking of beauty standards ive made it a point to show that she is desired or thought of as attractive in non fetish specific circumstances. She herself, while aro, also still has an active sex drive and I really wanted this to be a backseat part of her character, as I feel like fandom in general shafts older women in this department (this also goes for a lot of her non 'old lady' traits I give her too). She still has sexual needs and is still very much sexually active, and she is still found to be a regular sort of attractive and is desired by those she gets involved with.

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

Yes? Ish, to a degree. I didnt have to but I wanted to. I also did a lot of headcanoning with post Mexico for her early life which, afaik is free real estate for lore/nothing super detailed has been given in canon.

Given that she and Camila both shape their stories as individuals, I did have to split up some canon elements to follow two seperate characters, but other than that I really just had to make sure Emilia's story wasnt "boring" in the fact that she again, has no real stake in what happens to Vegas/the Mojave.

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

Cackles in 'which au will I obsess with today'

For the most part yes, however I love placing her in new things or different stories. She may be 'my courier' but really shes just the frog granny that goes into whatever au I am feeling at the time.

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Love, Maybe? {44}

Chris Evans X Reader OFC Vixen Giovanni

Warning: Cursing, Heavy Angst

Word Count: 3.7K

Summary: After a night of drunkenness you wake up next to warm, hot as hell body, a migraine and no memory of the night before. When you come to realize that the hot body belongs to none other than Hollywood’s golden boy Chris Evans you freak out. As events unfold you become even more panicked to find out you got married in your drunken haze. What else is there to do but get it annulled, right? Before walking away, you share one more night of molten kisses and passion. Three years later you are still living with the repercussions of your brash decisions, but the surprises don’t stop there. The past has a way of coming back and have you questioning is this fate that you’ve been running from, hell could it have been love, maybe?

NOTE: **Italic texts is an inner Vixen thought. Bold Italic texts is an inner Chris thought. 

**Loosley Edited/Proofread**

**Interactive**

Thank you guys for reading!!!! If you enjoyed this please LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG. 😊❤❤️

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Chapter 44:   Surrender 

-Vixen-

 “A divorce Vix, really?”

 You sighed and did your best to ignore her. You knew it wasn’t going to be easy especially now that she found out.

 “You can’t ignore me Vixen. I’m like your conscience, your voice of reason. I speak to that part of you that isn’t so withdrawn, the part that wants love, and connection. How do you think you’re going to get any of that by divorcing the man who wants to love you, the man who is trying to connect with you?”

 “Nex, let’s not,” you began opening your laptop.

 “No, we’re going to.” She came around and slammed it shut again. You gave her an exasperated look.

 “No, I’m not afraid of you. One why didn’t you tell me about this? Two, a divorce, is that really what you want? Have you thought about this?”

 You really didn’t want to do this. You were already barely hanging on.

 “Yes. I’m sure and I have thought about it. What else was I supposed to do Nex? We’re complete strangers. We live in two different worlds, there is no way anything can—this was the right call.”

“You’re full of shit. I know how you feel about him. I know how you’ve always felt about him. You can deny it all you want and ignore it and pretend that you have no feelings for him, but I know the truth. Why can’t you just let him in?”

 “I did that twice Nex! I let him in three years ago and he fucked me literally and broke my heart. Then three years later I did it again against my better judgment, against every single alarm inside my head. I did it and surprise, fucking surprise he fucked me again. I am done Nex, I am so fucking done!”

 “Both times you made the same fucking mistake. Both times you bit your tongue, you cut yourself off, you distanced yourself, you pulled a Heisman. Both times you were never all in,” Nexus accused.

 “For good fucking reason. Why would I be all in with a man who has shown me time and time again why he’s not trustworthy, who shows me how different we are, who shows me why I have these defenses why my freedom is the most paramount thing in the world?!”

 “Just say you’re scared and get it over with. You’re scared you’re so in love with him that he can do no wrong and have you fall out of love with him. Hell, you’ve been in love with him for three fucking years and still, you love him. he fucked you over again and you still love him.”

 “And I hate him for it!”

 Silence filled the room. There is was.

 “Vix, there is a thin line between love and hate. What you are forcing as hate could really be such a love that scares you.”

 “Nex, I am so drained. I have never been more drained in my life and that includes being pregnant, going to culinary school, and going through labor while I finish exams. I am tired.”

 “Then stop running. Yes he fucked up, twice, he should have told you, he should have never taken your choice away from you. I am not condoning it at all, but I understand.”

 “Of course you do. Why am I not surprised. You always understand everything he does.”

 “Because I choose to. You choose to shut it down, lock it away and never address it. You choose to hope it goes away, but Vix it won’t go away. It’s like a scab, it will keep itching and crusting unless you treat it. Face your fears baby sister, face them and grab them by the horns and take your happiness, take your life back. This isn’t living.”

 With your back to her, you stared out the window. You hated when she got this involved. The way you handled things it worked; it had been working. you couldn’t afford to go back to that woman from three years ago. Thankfully your phone rang distracting you from the conversation.

 “Hello? Hi Charmaine. No, you’re not interrupting anything. How can I help you?”

 You listened to her give you up to date information from Chris’ lawyers and every word she spoke made your heart beat faster and your mind race.

 “No, I’m here. Sorry. Um—so that means what exactly?” She spoke again and when she stopped you knew you should have said something but words failed you.

 “Thank you. I have to go.” You hung up and took several breaths.

 “Who is that?”

 “My divorce lawyer,” you informed.

 “Wow, you’re serious about this shit. Unbelievable. What did she say?”

 “Chris’ lawyers informed her that per Chris, he doesn’t want anything from me. Whatever I had three years ago and since he doesn’t want any of it.”

 “No shit!” You looked at her, she looked impatient as if she was sick and tired of you.

 “He also said that he won’t fight me for custody, he doesn’t want joint custody, he just wants access to her when he can in San Fran.”

 “Again, no shit. I’ve told you that he is not like that and you know he’s not like that. You know exactly who he is and always have. You saw the real him that night in Vegas, the him that you fell for and decided to be carefree with. He’s not an asshole Vix.”

 “She said that if I want half of what he has he will not contest it.”

 There was silence now, both of you letting that nugget sink in. He was giving you access to everything he owned, no fight. It showed a disregard for it like none of it mattered.  

 “Yep.” Nexus shook her head then sighed.

 “Look, Vix, you’re on the right path to being alone forever, the right path to just let the one man who actually is your equal, your potential match slip right through your hands. You are on the right path to not making sure that Ella’s relationship with him is not the best it can be, the right path of stealing such a happy family and future from her. So, if that is what you want then continue because the outcome is inevitable.”

 Once she said the words she walked out leaving you standing there shaking from the impact of what she said. You were going to fall apart; it was only a matter of time.  You already didn’t know if you’d made the right decision. You knew you sided with your fear instead of your heart and what made it worse was you felt completely incapable of taking a chance.

 Pushing the conversation with Nex away you focused on the tasks for the evening. You walked out of your office and looked out and down to the space below. The restaurant was coming together nicely. It was T minus four days before the grand opening and you were so close to the finish line you could see it.

“Amazing isn’t it?” Beside you, Kassius looked down at the view you were looking.

 “It is. I can’t believe that we’re getting so close.”

 “You worked hard for this Vixen. I can’t wait for it to pay off. This place looks incredible. You are going to blow minds on Saturday.”

 You smiled and felt the excitement bubbling within you. You sure hoped so. It would suck to put this much work, tears, and sweat into something and it be a horrible failure.

 “Don’t worry. This is what I do for a living. I take chances but only on things I’m sure about. I’m sure about you Vixen. You’ll see.” He patted your back then walked away. You took a deep breath and tried to knock it into your head that you were going to crush the opening.

 The rest of the evening you did your best to stay present and work with the crew that was left there. No job was too small for you, you chipped in and got your hands dirty. Nothing was beneath you. When you left that night you were pleasantly surprised to see that none of the paps were outside. For the first time in weeks, you took a deep breath and walked to your car. You thanked your security and drove down the near abandoned street.

 While finishing your errands at the pharmacy you saw the tabloid rack and scanned the covers. At least six of them were about you and Chris. This was still a big adjustment seeing your face plastered on tabloid magazines and having people so interested in everything about you. Over the last week, you’d scanned some of the gossip sights and had read some hurtful things that people were saying but also read some kind ones. It was a toss of the dice type of situation.

One of the covers had Chris’ face on it in the center, but there were several women circling him. The white headlines were all about his history with each of them. When you read the words, your interest piqued. “Chris Evans Married but quite the impressive list of mistresses over the years.” You couldn’t believe the nerve of these gossip magazines.

 “What if we were happily married and I saw this?”

 You bought the magazine and made it home to find Ella asleep and dinner in the microwave. After a shower, you sat down with a bottle of wine and ate in the dim light of the kitchen. You flipped through the article and saw pictures of him with the women. They were all beautiful, all sexy and all completely different. One of the two things they looked to have in common was the color of their hair. They were all brunette or brunettes with highlights. They all were also white. You knew that you were probably the only woman of color he’d associated with but to see his entire dating history laid out for you cemented it.

 For the next near hour, you sat there comparing yourself to these tall, slim, blue-eyed, actresses and models and tried not to feel any jealousy. He’d gotten around these last three years. While you were steering clear of the opposite sex, he was fucking his way through Hollywood. It made you think back to what he’d said the night at your house that he’d thought of you all these years and been in love with you. Looking at his little black book before you made you want to shout bullshit. You also tried not to be too critical on yourself for being so different from them or let your insecurities flare-up. You wondered why you and if you were some phase he had to work through.

 It took you almost two hours to realize the postal envelope across the kitchen. When you took it up you saw your name on it but no sender information. When you looked inside the envelope you froze for a few moments before you emptied out its contents onto the counter. Before you were items you hadn’t seen in years, items you’d almost forgotten about. Items you’d ran out of his house without.

 You slowly examined the items beginning with your golden anklet. You’d searched for it for weeks until you accepted you’d lost it somewhere in Vegas or LA. It was one of your favorite pieces of jewelry and you missed it. You then moved on to the lace bra and panties you were wearing the night you were at Chris’. You hesitated touching them, afraid somehow you’d be bombarded with memories. Finally, you took up the bra and smelled it, it still smelled like your perfume, a perfume you still wore every once in a while.

 “My god.”

 Your eyes landed on the golden ring on the counter. The last time you’d touched it was to slide it onto his finger. Suddenly you felt as if you’d run a marathon from your racing heart to your sweaty palms. You took up his wedding band and slowly examined it.

 “He’d held on to all of this, this whole time.”

 Your shock was evident. You couldn’t believe it and didn’t know why he still had any of this especially your underwear. You must have stood there staring at his ring for an hour or so. Everything from the last few months raced through your head, every conversation, every smile, touch, every quiet night together and every genuine moment. You began to wonder if he’d been truthful the whole time. Wondered if you had it in you to take that leap that was required.

 Walking over to your bag, you pulled your phone free and found his contact.

 MSG: 9-1-1. Cathy’s corner where we had tacos.

You shoved the items into a Ziploc bag, grabbed your bag and hurried out the door in your car without a thought to your attire. The drive was relatively quick because of the hour. The streets were mostly abandoned and the further you drove into Mulholland Drive the darker they got. When you pulled up to the spot where you sat with him a few weeks ago you stared out over the city lights. It was still a beautiful view. 

After a minute you worried that it was too little too late, worried that this was too far to come back from. You’d pushed too far.

 After a few more minutes, you saw bright headlights pull up the drive, then the car screeched to a halt beside yours at an angle that blocked your bumper. You watched as Chris jumped out his car wearing a men’s tank and dark sweatpants.

 “What’s the matter? Is it Ella? Is she okay? Are you hurt?” His words rushed out one after the other as he approached you. Once he was before you his eyes scanned your body. You then held up the items in front of his face.

 “Why did you hold on to these?”

 Chris’ expression changed from worry to confusion, then annoyance. “Vixen, are you kidding me? You text me 911. I'm running red lights, switching lanes, honking like a mad man thinking something was seriously wrong with you or Ella. You can't text 911 if it's not 911!”

 He sounded exasperated as he rubbed his forehead. Ignoring his rant you asked again.

“Why did you hold on to these? You could have thrown them out.”

 “I should have,” Chris dryly responded with little emotion on his face.

 “Yeah. So?” Chris didn’t speak for a few seconds. He then rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head.

 “I couldn't. I--I--,” he stuttered before he let out a loud groan while he ruffled his unkempt hair. With a grunt, he walked away from you before turning back to you once there was space between you.

 “What are we doing here? What do you want?”

 “Tell me why you couldn't,” you countered.

 “No. You tell me why I'm here. I've said everything I need to say. What do you want?”

 “Everything. It's my one fatal flaw. I want it all. I want the incredibly successful, fulfilling career that everyone envies, and I want the perfect, loving, sexy, guy who is head over heels in love with me and will give me everything I want. I want him to love me completely. I want him to never leave and have me be his only dream. I want my amazing little girl who is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I want to keep her happy and help her grow to be the best version of herself. I want happiness, peace, and joy. I want everything!”

 Chris scoffed and shook his head looking at you as if this was no surprise. “No surprise there. What does that have to do with me?”

 “My career is getting there. I am so close to getting what I want, so close to fulfilling my dreams there. My little girl is amazing, she was born amazing and she is happy and growing; or she was happy until she didn't get to see her daddy as much as she had been lately. Ironically, a daddy she'd lived without for years and now can't seem to forget him after only a few short months. She loves you so much and it makes my heart so full and warm. I want her to be happy again and the only way that can happen is if I find a way to be strong enough, a way to be brave to stand here and tell you that I've never felt nothing for you.”

 Your heart was racing a mile a minute and the fear you felt was real, but you also knew you couldn’t just stop there. Chris didn’t move, and his face gave nothing away. He was unreadable, you hated it. Guess it was your turn to suffer with it now.

 “Since we met even though I heavily drank and got drunker and drunker I felt things for you I'd never felt before. I was able to talk to you and open up to you in a way I only do with Nex. It was insane what we did getting married like that, but I know without a doubt I wanted it. That night at your house you hurt me but only because I thought we were on the same page I thought you felt what I did, and it turned out you didn't. Boston--of course it meant something,” you confessed. That was when Chris’ face glitched with emotion.

 “What?”

 It was do or die time, you thought.

 “I haven't been with anyone since you. No dates, no kissing, well except Zack but that meant nothing. There has been no one. I haven't let there be anyone and I tricked myself into believing it was because I didn't have the time or the energy but I didn't want to invest again or get my hopes up only to get hurt and the truth was I never got over you. I never fell out of love with you.”

 The way he stared at you was only making your heart pound harder and the butterflies flit through your stomach more. He still stood there not moving, not encouraging or discouraging your newfound candidness. Turning away you walked to your car and dug into your purse for the desired item then walked back to him. You held up the papers so he could see.

 “Thought you were going to file those. I signed them over a week ago.”

 “You did,” you answered before you ripped them once, then twice. You attempted a third, but it was tough. A small smile spread across his face before he walked closer to you. Still, he didn’t touch you.

 “Your mother said something to me in Boston, she said, "fate only brings us what is meant and letting something go and it coming back should not be let go again especially if it's what you want."

 He nodded his head as if he agreed. “Sounds like my mom.”

 “Smart woman. Fate brought you to me in Vegas, you let me go, fate said no and gave me Ella, then fate brought me to you, and I've tried to let go. I can't. I have to stop running.” Saying those words felt surreal. All the self-help books said acceptance was the first step then admittance, you just did both in the same breath.

 “Are you saying we're meant to be?” The curiosity and amusement on his face weren’t missed. You were relieved, you thought he’d be angry to see you after what you’d said.

 “Do you think we are?”

 Chris gazed deeply into your eyes and closed the remaining space between you, but still, he didn’t touch you. You wanted him to, but you’d wait.

“You're the only one meant for me. I love you Vixen, I always have, I always will.” Chris softly trailed the back of his hand across your cheek caressing it. A smile spread over your face as joy filled you. Chris looked scared, worried even.

 “I love you too, Chris. I always have and apparently no matter what idiotic plan you concoct, I always will.” 

 The two of you smiled the goofiest smiles ever then pressed your lips together in a sweet kiss. A kiss that increased in passion as the seconds ticked by. Before either of you got carried away, Chris pulled back and stared at you with a serious look on his face.

 “So no divorce?”

 “Nope. I’m so sorry. I ruined everything and hurt you. I hate that I hurt you, I hate that I said those things to you. My god Chris, I’m so sorry.”

 Chris didn’t speak, instead, he took the ripped papers that you still held and ripped them three more times before he flung them in the air. At that moment, the breeze picked up and blew them away scattering them around. The two of you stood there watching them drift in the night sky with sentimental smiles on your faces. 

 “Matter of fact,” Chris began. When you looked to him you were in time to see him drop down onto one knee. That was all it took for the tears to well in your eyes. Chris held onto your hands as he stared at you. You could see everything in his eyes and for the first time, you didn’t doubt any of what you saw.

 “Vixen Star Giovanni-Evans, the last time I did this I was drunk off my ass but even drunk me knew without a doubt that you were something to hold on to. The last three years have not been easy, and they have been quite unconventional. We've both grown so much and accomplished so much. I can say that I am a better man because of meeting you three years ago. I am a better man today. A man that is not only ready but begging for a second chance; a chance to love you properly; a chance to build a life with you, grow even more with you; a chance to be the man that loves you unconditionally; a chance to be the husband I've always envisioned myself, the father I've wanted to be. Will you spend the rest of your life with me, will you allow me to stand by your side and take care of you and show you every single day just what you mean to me? Will you be the mother of my six kids? Will you marry me—again--but for the last time.”

 You laugh throwing your head back and rejoicing in the feel of happiness, a happiness that you hadn’t felt in so long. You pulled him up to stand before you then pressed your forehead on his chest. You allowed your tears to fall freely unabashedly.

 “Are you sure?”

 Chris swiped the pad of his thumbs across your cheeks drying the tears as they fell. “I’ve never been surer about anything in my life as I am sure that I want to be married to you until the day I die.”

 “Goddamn!”

 “Yes, but we may have to revisit six kids.”

 Chris smiled widely and shook his head dismissing the notion.

 “Nope. Six. One down, five to go.”

 Your laugh was loud, and you didn’t care. You kissed him again and again and again hoping that this was the beginning of making up for the time you’d been apart and the beginning of building a beautiful life together.

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[written-on-the-trees]

Emerson Barrett Fan Fiction - Beautiful Things Come One Stitch At A Time

Prompt: Enemies to Lovers (or rather exes to still-exes-but-one-of-them-wants-to-get-back-together)

Word-count: 1825 words

Warnings: none

Description: Tia dumped Emerson because he wasn't good for her. She never expected to see him at work four years later - and now she doesn't know what to do.

Sequel to Not Enough Stitches To Put Us Back Together!

Tia sighed and ran her hand through her hair.

 This was not how she had wanted to spend her day.

 After getting fired, she’d started looking for jobs that would take her away from Las Vegas. It had only been a few months since she’d dumped her ex-boyfriend, Emerson, and it had seemed like the universe was telling her it had been time for a change. She’d applied for a few various positions, and ended up taking a job on Los Angeles, at Sumerian Records. At the time, Palaye Royale had been an unsigned band, and Tia had taken a job as a personal assistant in the record label’s legal department, figuring that even if Palaye Royale were signed to Sumerian, it was unlikely Tia would ever have any reason to deal with them.

 However, two very significant things had changed since she’d first started working for Sumerian.

 Firstly: she’d become a tour manager. Apparently she had an undiscovered talent for wrangling people and organisation. The last bit hadn’t really been undiscovered to her, but the people wrangling bit had been a pleasant surprise.

 Secondly - something that was a much less pleasant surprise - Palaye Royale got signed to Sumerian Records.

 Tia hadn’t been pleased. She’d gone straight to her boss, Kayley, and explained everything: that Emerson was an ex-boyfriend, that they hadn’t parted on the best of terms, and that Sebastian and Remington despised her. Kayley had taken it in stride, and made notes in all the relevant places that Tia wasn’t to be TM on any tour Palaye Royale were on. It was a system that worked for years; she never saw any of the three men, and since she’d blocked them all on all of her social media accounts, along with anyone she knew they were close with, she wasn’t even sure she worked for the label they were signed to.

 It was the perfect arrangement, as far as she was concerned.

 But then the world had gone to shit. That had been rough for everyone, not least Tia, who had been lucky to be put on paid leave through the worst of it, getting 75 percent of her monthly salary each month. Between that, using the extra time to spend on her crafting hobbies that allowed her open up an Etsy store, and her savings, Tia had been lucky enough to wait the virus out. Some of her colleagues hadn’t been so lucky, and had had to move on, but as much as Tia’s heart had hurt for them, she hadn’t really thought of what that meant for her.

 Like the fact Sumerian were now dealing with the world opening back up for concerts while they had a lack of tour managers.

 Which was how Tia had ended up being named TM for the second leg of Palaye Royale’s The Bastards Tour.

   Just kill me now.

   Kayley had been apologetic, and Tia honestly believed there was nothing her boss could’ve done, but in some respects that just made things more frustrating. There was no-one to blame for these circumstances but a shitty universe fucking with her, and so Tia just had to put on her big girl knickers and get on with it. Starting with introducing herself to the boys as their new TM.

 It wasn’t going to be fun. In fact, Tia was pretty sure it was going to be the worst day she’d had since she’d dumped Emerson.

 Despite that, though, Tia squared her shoulders, took a deep breath, and walked onto the tour bus that was going to be her new home - and the home of her ex-boyfriend and his brothers - for the next few months. The sudden silence that fell across the three men sitting in the main living area was deafening, but Tia didn’t let it intimidate her. She was going to have to face a lot worse than just silence, and she wasn’t going to be beaten so early on.

   So, instead, she just put a blandly professional smile on her face, and introduced herself before any of those idiots could speak: “Good morning. I’m Tatia, and I’m going to be the TM for this tour.”

 “We know who you are.” Sebastian glared at Tia: “It’s not like we’d forget the bitch who dumped our brother on the way back from the hospital.”

 Remington nodded: “We’re not awful people.”

   Tia would like to argue that point, specifically about Sebastian and Remington, but she was determined to remain professional.

 Even if Emerson was staring at her as if she was some sort of literal angel: like he couldn’t quite believe he was actually seeing her. It was weird, and Tia really hoped that he stopped doing it soon, but in the name of remaining professional she ignored it.

   “Of course you’re not.” Tia agreed with Remington, keeping her tone light and friendly, despite how bad his attitude was: “And irrespective of any previous relationships, we’re going to have to work together for the next three months, so I believe it’s in all out interests to be civil.”

 “Or we could just tell the label that you’re a ex and we don’t want to work with you.” Remington smirked.

 Tia just smiled at him: “Sumerian Records have been aware of the fact Emerson is my ex-boyfriend since you signed with them. Normally I would not have been your TM, but there’s a bit of a shortage of us around at the moment, and I’m the only one available for this tour. If you would still like to take it up with the record, then you can, but in terms of TMs, it’s me or no-one.”

   Silence reigned again.

   “Shall we get on the road, then?”

   The silence continued, and Tia took that as a win.

      A month into the tour, and Tia was ready to tear her hair out.

 Remington and Sebastian were dicks. Andrew, their touring guitarist, took his lead from them, even if he wasn’t as bad: and their merch girl Hope did the same. All the roadies, some of whom she’d worked with before, were on her side, seeing Remington, Sebastian, and Andrew as arrogant and rude because…well, they were arrogant and rude, snapping demands during set up and ignoring everyone the rest of the time. The driver hated them because he was constantly annoyed by their antics on the bus, so he was on Tia’s side too

 The bus was divided, and it was not conductive to a good environment.

 And then there was Emerson.

 Emerson, when he wasn’t busy on stage or doing media, followed Tia around like a lost puppy. The roadies had found it really creepy to begin with - and even when Tia had filled them in on the fact he was her ex, they still weren’t too happy about him. She was rarely left on her own, and she grateful for that - because apparently Emerson was not over her.

 He started with constantly trying to make eye contact whenever they were in the same room. When that didn’t work, he moved onto texting her, since she’d unblocked him for work, but she ignored all messages from him that weren’t work related. Once he’d realised he wasn’t getting anywhere with the texts, he’d moved onto gifts and cares. A lot of gifts and cards. Stuffed toy cats, expensive treats like fancy baked goods and chocolates, interesting sounding books, even jewelry.

 Tia ignored all of it, but she knew it was only a matter of time before he would stop letting her do that.

 Eventually, he managed to corner her while she was talking to Hope about how much stock the merch table needed and if they needed to look at getting more. With Hope being firmly on the band’s side, and probably assuming Emerson was going to chew her out like Remington and Sebastian constantly tried to, she disappeared the moment he gestured for her to give him and Tia a moment.

   He didn’t waste a moment once he had her trapped between himself, the merch table, and a wall, immediately launching into what he wanted to say: “Tia, I’m so sorry. Past me was awful - ”

 “I hate to break it to you, Emerson, but present you is also pretty terrible.” Tia rolled her eyes.

 “ - but I have changed.” Emerson continued, before his expression turned regretful when he registered what she’d said: “Even if I haven’t necessarily shown you that.”

 Tia rolled her eyes again: “Pretty much the opposite. You and your brothers are exactly the same as I remember you: aggressive, cocky, or just plain apathetic. Your brothers have gone out of their way to make life difficult to me, and you’ve sat back and let it happen, just like the three of you used to drive me to the urge of panic attacks, and you did nothing about it. So, yeah, I wouldn’t exactly say that you’ve shown you’ve changed.”

 Emerson had the good sense to look ashamed: “You’re right, I haven’t. I’m sorry.”

   Tia remained resolute when Emerson’s face dropped.

 She wasn’t sucked in by the act - and on the off chance it was genuine, it was nothing compared to the upset he’d caused her. The fact was, dating Emerson had been terrible for Tia’s mental health. It had driven her to therapy after the relationship ended, which had in time allowed her to see that although her issues were absolutely not Emerson’s fault, he exacerbated them so much that if she hadn’t dumped him when she had there would have been issues that he was to blame for.

 Had she missed him? Yes. Did she still miss him? That was harder to say.

 Emerson was a unique soul, and Tia had truly felt they had gotten along amazingly…he just never listened to her when she explained that there was something wrong. She had loved him, even though they’d been together for just six months, but that had been over four years ago now, and even though sometimes it made something in her chest clench when she looked at him, she honestly wasn’t sure if it was love or just an echo of the pain he’d caused her.

   “I want to show you that I have, though.” Emerson suddenly continued: his forlorn look being overtaken by one of determination: “I will show you that I have.”

 Tia wasn’t sure she believed him…but she found that, deep down, she wanted him to, even though she wasn’t going to admit it, so she just sighed: “I’m sure you’ll try, Emerson.”

 “I will.”

 “Okay, then.” Tia shrugged, still acting like she didn’t believe him - because she honestly didn’t, no matter what she wanted: “I’ve got work to do. You do what you want.”

   She walked away, leaving Emerson to plan whatever he was going to do to try and convince her that he was a better person that he used to be.

   I wonder if it will work…

[sanoiro]

Lucifer 3x22 -All Hands On Decker - Spoilers and Speculation

Warning! There is always a possibility that certain scenes might have been mixed up under their non-respective episodes.

The episode will air on Sunday (April 29th) in Canada, please beware of the early spoilers!

All Hands On Decker - 3x18 script/3x22 airing

Written by: Sheri Eldwood

Directed by:

Eduardo Sanchez

Sheri Elwood has written/edited the episodes:

1x05 “Sweet Kicks”

1x11 “St. Lucifer"

2x04 “Lady Parts”

2x11 “Stewardess Interruptus”

2x22/3x06 “Vegas With Some Radish”

3x10 “The Sin Bin”

3x17 “Let The Pinhead Sing!”

Press Release: When Chloe takes some time off, Lucifer is forced to work with Dan on a murder case involving a dog show. Meanwhile, Charlotte and Maze have differing ideas for Chloe's party and after a wild night, Chloe rethinks a life-changing decision. Cast: Tom Ellis as Lucifer, Lauren German as Chloe, DB Woodside as Amenadiel, Lesley-Ann Brandt as Maze, Kevin Alejandro as Dan, Scarlett Estevez as Trixie, Rachael Harris as Linda Martin, Tricia Helfer as Charlotte, Aimee Garcia as Ella and Tom Welling as Marcus Pierce Guest Cast: Eric Nenninger as Frederick Hoffman, Billy Malone as Vincent Walker, Victoria Platt as Dr. Valerie Haynes

Promotional Video:

Promotional Photos: 

Behind The Scenes Video:

Since the press release of 3x23 and the one of the Finale, this episode is treated more like a filler. I believe that’s wrong since the plot might not be as straightforward as we think.

The basic plot is given by the Press Release of the Episode and is supported by the promotional video and promotional photos.

Chloe Decker is engaged and so a hen party occurs where Charlotte and Maze seem to collide on what is the best way to celebrate. Maze clothes suggest that her plan is set and tries to make things as proper and easy as possible whereas Charlotte -who can afford the party bus- organizes a wild and alcohol filled night for the whole gang. The Tribe, in short, is back yet everyone seems to have their own agenda.

Maze still wants to return to Hell so she gets to the precinct in a curly hairdo... There we see Chloe with her hair down having lunch with Marcus and so it is apparent that Maze is willing to overstep boundaries in order to check on his immortality or lack of. Her plan as always is to make sure that Chloe will not only stay with Marcus but convince her she is in love and her choice is the right one and perhaps just perhaps put some seeds of doubt for Lucifer’s mental stability.

Charlotte is still working with Amenadiel and cannot quit now. In the Amenadiel supplied short version, Chloe should be with Lucifer as this might give Charlotte a chance to avoid Hell the second time around. Things also seem to escalate by 3x23 where nightmares return but with a twist. Also, this episode has many of the characters come to terms with what relationships are all about. I believe that in this episode Charlotte might at the end go to Dan and start a more meaningful and close relationship which we will see more clearly in 3x23…

Linda has broken up with Amenadiel but as we know her experience with Reese (her ex-husband) has given her a perspective which she may share with the group. What perspective? A relationship in which she felt trapped as she said in 3x07. Now if you want to understand Marcus and Charlotte or even the relationship between Marcus and Chloe, you should rewatch 3x07. As a key character, Linda does not only know Lucifer’s darkest deeds like killing Uriel but she knows that Lucifer was ready to confess his love for Chloe. When drinks are involved a lot of secrets might be spilt… And when those secrets are the unadulterated truth what can a Demon do?

Lastly, we have Ella. Ella has shown to be on Marcus’ side for the past episodes but she does acknowledge that what Chloe and Lucifer have is on a whole different level. Most importantly though she was with him in Vegas. Ella knows why he married Candy and all it takes is one little tipsy nerd to set the record straight…

As you can see every character has something to say that night but what exactly happens in that episode? That’s the purpose of this post after all… 

Okay so let’s begin!

Chloe Decker is seen having lunch with Marcus early in the episode as far as I can tell but I believe that Marcus somehow gets Chloe away from Lucifer when the new case comes in thus making Lucifer and Dan work together. The hen party is also a very good excuse to make it all about him... Also, there is a scene between Dan, Lucifer and Chloe in the conference room where Lucifer wears his suit, meaning they are not yet at the case or they are at the very end of the episode... I bet on the first possibility.  

Here the most important spoiler is that Chloe wears her hair up in a bun. That hairstyle is usually done when Chloe needs to be seen as a professional in her line of work but also when she confronts Lucifer.

What is also interesting is that Maze and Linda wear the same dress in this episode or someone forces Linda out of or even steals it… Weird I know… 

Also Lucifer’s scene is played behind Rachel Harris in that dress while Tom Ellis is still wearing a costume meaning that something might be said like,  put yourself in her shoes which might take a literal meaning as Maze is dressed in Linda’s dress and Lucifer changes clothes. 

As @kikitsa-di noted at a promotional pic Lucifer seems to imitate Chloe’s posture. That’s, of course, normal as Lucifer in this episode according to Henderson in TvLine, will try to understand why Chloe took the decision to accept Marcus proposal.

So for the first time, Lucifer will try to understand Chloe by imitating her. Probably it will work to an extent but I foresee some painful moments of realization near the end…

The real story in this episode begins with The Tribe getting in the Fun Bus but also Dan and Lucifer working together. Their paths do cross later in that episode but in order to understand what is going on, unfortunately, we will have to separate the two events although they will play at the same time on our screens and probably be conected in a hilarious yet bittersweet way. 

First, we will take the case that Dan and Lucifer are assigned which involves a dog show but so many more locations as well…

Everything seems to begin at the Dog Show event at the Pacific Palm Resort. There we see Lucifer along with Dan and Ella at the crime scene and II do believe that sooner or later they might return to that venue but we shall see as nothing is sure about them returning to the show but hey, you never know.. 

*The Dog Show location also provides a chasing scene*

Lucifer around this time seems to change his clothes, presumably in order to understand how Chloe thinks and acts. For the first time he takes time to see Chloe from a different perspective and the result of this experiment if you can call it that or therapy exercise by Linda for all we know, might be fruitful. PS I love the grey shoes! 

The next stop for our favourite Devil and Douche is probably at the Dog Spa where Lucifer is trying to extract some information from the groomers and at that point, we get to see the Spa’s doggy pool… I do wonder if Lucifer will be in the mood for inappropriate jokes in this episode... Perhaps he will manage to stay in character and I would love to hear Ella saying how an amazing method actor Lucifer is by trying to imitate Chloe… Yeah, doubtful but hey I have said weirder things that have made the cut!.

PS Marcus bike was spotted on set when they were shooting 3x22 but we don't know if it will indeed appear in the episode.

The third stop for Lucifer and Dan is the liquor store or at least a parking lot. Not much is known from that scene but we do know that the favourite duo will ride a lot of miles together during the day but also at night which brings us to how they will meet the Fun Bus and The Tribe near the Roosevelt Hotel or inside it. More about this at the end of The Tribe’s section!

So The Tribe is back… What we see is that Maze has prepared something different for the hen party but as would luck have it cakes didn’t really work for her so Charlotte took over. If we believe the BTS Charlotte was also the one who came up with the T-shirts that show Chloe as a comic figure in a wedding dress and veil + a photograph of her face on it. That woman is sure crafty… and this time presumably with God’s blessing! 

In between the takes in WB, there was something like a  barn to which some of the cast and crew took some photos of them sitting on the stairs and drinking their large cocktails. Also what that implies is that Dan and Lucifer will find themselves on the bus at some point near the end of the episode.

We know very little about what is going on the bus itself. Yet what we do know is that it’s mostly about how the girls have a good time but as Charlotte will let Maze *politely* know before they boarded on the Fun Bus, this is war. So do expect several moments of truths, hilarious excuses and downright deathly glares between Maze and almost everyone else as well as a roll of the eyes for at least one of Ella’s comments.

You may ask that’s it? That’s the purpose of the whole episode? Not really. 

You see first whether before or after the Fun Bus we meet Trixie who might give her mum a solid advice if she meets Marcus. Trixie may act in this episode as one of the catalysts for not only Chloe’s engagement dissolvement but the start of Maze coming to her more human-like senses. I mean the kid did have a ‘girl power!’ message on her shirt (watch the BTS video)

Additionally, in this episode we see probably Charlotte talking with Marcus and that talk will not end well again. If the speculation is correct about Charlotte being killed by Marcus in 3x22 then the scene between the two characters at the station’s garage will be the reason why. (Please note that Tricia might have posted a photo of the WB garage so treat this as a wild speculation.)

And now the point of the 100th Deckerstar meet-cute. Let’s be honest who hasn’ watched The Holiday? 

In film and television, a meet cute is a scene in which a future romantic couple meets for the first time. This type of scene is a staple of romantic comedies.

At some point near the end of the episode, the Tribe gets close to the Roosevelt Hotel. The cast and crew also shot some scenes inside the hotel that night... At that location, The Tribe might find some things that we as the audience might not have been expecting to see in 3x22. 

PS There is a hidden door behind the library of the Rosevelt Hotel which might be used for the episode so beware of who is behind it.

Here is also the point where possibly Lucifer and Dan meet the Tribe. We know they will be driving at night talking and they will meet them on the bus so the Tribe might eventually team up in order to take down the murder of 3x22′s case

As you know it is impossible to know everything but I do believe that Chloe after the ride, watching some of  Lucifer’s actions -perhaps also Marcus’ - as well as Trixie’s displeasure over the whole engagement thing might be why she will decide to take a step back. 

You have to realise this. In order for Chloe and Lucifer coming so close in 3x23, then 3x22 should change Marcus and Chloe’s relationship on a fundamental level and irreversibly.

6 AM (GR) Sunday Edit: I realised I forgot to add DB twitter post in the speculation. As we know Amenadiel will have a chit-chat with Charlotte because that is to be expected by her actions in this episode but we also see in one of the photos Lesley Ann along with DB Woodside. 

As I mentioned before I expect all the characters to get something out of this episode. Especially the members of the Tribe. Therefore do not be too surprised if Amenadiel and Maze have a talk at some point probably around the end. After all, if someone can relate to Maze is Amenadiel of S2 who desperately wanted to go home and was ready to sacrifice everything for it...  

The End of 3x22 - All Hands On Decker Spoilers and Speculation Post.

Remember to have fun in this episode as everything goes down for Marclo in this episode and Deckerstar will rise once more in the next one!  

[brimscythes]

16 17 18 for all your ocs :3c

i have over 100 ocs so im just gonna do shadow, rita, jessie, gunther, mercer [cause these are interesting w him], city, and casino16. Do they dream? What are those dreams like?shadow: nightmares, often. usually people yelling at him or being late or getting fucking murdered or reliving a tragic experience, like the death of hope [childhood friend he fucking killed]rita: he doesnt dream a lot!! when he does, its a mild stress dream [having to do a speech but doesnt have cue cards, fires, etc] or someone/attwood [guy he used to know] trying to strangle him, sometimes getting burried alive. hes had some weird like flashback things to the necklaces’ past lives but those are… bizarrejessie: doesnt dream!! hes a robot! he doesnt even sleep. he can be shut off but… why… why do that when he can stop crime 24/7gunther: he dreams, but its a healthy enough mix of dreams and weird shit and nightmares. he usually dreams about horses and shit and has nightmares about becoming a monstermercer: weird dreams about shopping malls. always. shopping malls.city: he usually has good dreams honestly, if he can remember them. sleeping with your boyfriend under the stars is nice enough to do that, i guesscasino: has stress dreams. fires, his teeth falling out, being burried alive, the like.

17. Are they more shaped by nature or nurture — who they are, or what has happened to them? How have these shaped who they’ve become as a person?shadow: nature!!! sure he was raised to be an incredible assassin and a real agent of chaos in his world, but he is literally the potential antichrist and his mother’s whole family is either criminals, cannibals, or other terrible things. he craves flesh cause its a family trait. all of natalie’s sons were fucked over before they even beganrita: nurture. sure, he got his anxious tendencies and anger issues from his parents- but his personality is definitley a result of a lack of nurture. his dad left and his mom couldnt/didnt pay enough attention to him and had bad post partum depression. the neglect and lack of socialization leds him to a lack of empathy and a strong code of “im the only one who will ever take care of me”, which overtime grows into almost delusional levels of narcissism and a strong disconnect with everyone else because he just… cant relate on an emotional level. he doesnt see why he shouldnt have what he wants just cause some laws say he cant, which is why hes the best jewel thief in townjessie: nature. jessie wasnt raised at all. hes programming. hes a robot with a chip with coding that says who he is. the way he acts is exactly how its written in his programming and he never goes outside of that because he cantgunther: nature! gunther greymantle’s natural desire to be a hero and helpfulness is what leads him to inventing guns and dedicating his life to murdering any possible werewolf/vampire/thing that goes bump in the night. hes lawful evil but everything he does, he does because his heart tells him its the good thing to do, and that cant be nurtured out of someone as moralistic as gunther. i love himmercer: nurture! he was kidnapped as a lil kid and raised by his kidnapper, so, like, if his kidnapper dad hadnt gotten him involved in contract killing… maybe he wouldnt use his superpower to become a traceless assassin driving around a serial killer and his friend in a fucking kiacity: nurture. city is the nicest out of his siblings due to his mothering from vegas’ mom, who had to take care of him cause his mom died in childbirth. but at the same time, traveling the wastes has shown him how fucked up people can be, which is why he can be more brutal than his brother. he was exposed to brutality and learned it to survivecasino: nurture. if his sister didnt abuse him, or he’d been allowed to leave his casino, or city didnt leave, he would probably have much less of a ‘me vs the world’ atttitude and be far less paranoid. college [his sister] treating him cruely and isolating him led to his ppd and extreme agoraphobia and ruthlessness

18. What kind of person could they become in the future? What are some developmental paths that they could take, (best, worst, most likely?) what would cause them to come to pass, and what consequences might they have? What paths would you especially like to see, and why?shadow: after his mom dies he becomes a wreck and throws himself into more murder and stuff and also has a fun time doing drugs w his half brother felix while his other siblings improve their livesrita: thankfully, rita becomes a … slightly better person? because his heist crew/family wont take THAT MUCH of his shit he learns to be a little less harsh and actually starts to like other people who arent him or his childhood friend. he even gets over his internalized shit and gets a boyfriend yeehaw. hes never… healthy, emotionally, and never really becomes a GOOD person, but at least he does feel legitimate worry when vadim gets beat up at school [could it be? empathy? how the fuck should he know]jessie: KEEPS BEING A CRIME FIGHTING SWEETBOY literally the only way that wouldnt happen would be if someone fucked w his code and. thatd make me sadgunther: he who fights monsters……. gunther and lydia are best frends who are literally like one bad away from becoming monsters, figurativley and literally, so it certainly doesnt sound like his future is good if he doesnt confront the issues his father’s death left him with or reconsile with the brother he abandoned in favor of becoming a monster huntermercer: mercer never stops being a hired killer but he does get a boyfriend, meet his family again, adopt his sister figure, and start living in an actual house instead of a car, though! sleeping in beds is fucking weird for him. hes lived in a car his whole lifecity: JUST A HAPPY DOMESTIC BOY W HIS MOTORCYCLE LOVING BF LEO!!casino: casino has a daughter with his trans husband and also dies one day without confronting his issues because not everyone gets a recovery arc in the apocalypse :(

[thevioletquinn]

A Psychological Assessment of Violet Quinn.

From Laura: Honestly, a psychologist would have a field day looking in to Violet’s past and why she does the things she does and why she feels the way she does and out of my girls, Violet has the most little habits that are so intricate and interesting. There are a lot of character things that I do with Violet that are so small (blink and you miss ‘em) things and even just thoughts she can’t say out loud that are so in depth that I wanted to share. This will literally go through everything so of course, the below triggers will apply throughout...

Trigger Warnings: Cancer/Leukaemia, Familial Death, Sexual Abuse (of a minor), Physical Abuse/Mentions of Violence, Emancipation from family (not legally), Alcoholism

Word Count: 5,430 (honestly I have spent about four hours doing this, 7 pages of a word document and it’s 3:15am.... I regret nothing)

Tell us about your parents.

That’s how most therapists start out right? Tell us about your upbringing, everything from the very beginning and what shaped you in to the person you are. That starts with the genetic DNA within you that you gain from your parents. As many know, Violet harbours a lot of hatred for her father but very very rarely speaks about her mother so I’m going to start with her.

Eszter Kozma, later simply known as Esther Quinn, was always a hard worker. She had always been one to take care of people which was no surprise when she graduated as a nurse and worked pretty damn hard back in Hungary and in coming to America. She works as an ER nurse and more often than not, she would work the night shift. It was Eszter that noticed Dorina’s (Violet’s older sister) health decline. Of course, this created a strange dynamic at first with Esther. She basically spent her life in hospital for those months and rarely left. It was fair to say she was a dedicated mother but a sick child did bring a little bit of neglect for her other two kids without meaning to do so. She couldn’t handle watching her first born die. It’s not that she became a bad mother. She always tried her best and there was a good effort to do better but that didn’t mean the abandonment wasn’t there when Violet was still so young and dependent on her parents. When Dora was sick, her mother didn’t want her two girls to be around to watch her die like she had to be which often meant them staying at home. The occasions when the two girls were allowed to come was when they hired a Play Specialist who was a friend of Esther’s to supervise and make the experience enjoyable for all of her kids. In one way, she thought she was protecting them but, in another way, it made Violet have to grow up pretty fast. I’ll get more in to this section of her life in a bit. After Dora died, Esther threw herself in to work which meant more night shifts and when she would be around her two other kids, she was utterly exhausted. It was hard to watch someone you love just be that tired all the time. She wasn’t able to function without coffee and would often just be passed out on the small bed in the caravan. Violet believes that Esther always had good intentions in regards to raising her kids but it was executed poorly. She does see a lot of her mum in Lily in the sense of being so hard working to do better and she is proud of Lily for still being able to show attention to her daughter while having this drive – something their mother failed to do. In later years, since Violet left her family behind, she can’t understand how a woman with good intentions can stay with a man like her father or perhaps she is oblivious to the kind of man he is. Either way, she puts blame on her mum for being able to be with a man like that.  

Moving on to her father and probably the most pinnacle relationship for why Violet is the way she is – after all, he is the one that caused the massive downward spiral Violet has taken - Violet does still like to believe that he wasn’t always the man that he became. Perhaps this comes down to childlike innocence that she never wanted to or simply didn’t notice the greed of the man who raised her. Szilveszter Kozma, once again this name changed to Silvester Quinn when coming to America, had an American dream complex. He always saw the movies that came from Hollywood that were shown in Hungary and saw this perfect life. He worked hard, much like her mother, to make this dream come true by working many security jobs. Once they came to America, it was like he made it. He had the house, the family and everything should have been perfect. They couldn’t have predicted Dora having leukemia a year after they came to America. This caused financial strain on the family to uphold the health for his daughter, as well as his wife’s decision for a Play Specialist and then a funeral for his first born. During the time that Dora was sick, he worked a lot to try and provide for all these expenses and a part of Violet can be sympathetic to having to carry that burden mainly because he would later put that burden on to her so she knows first-hand how overbearing it was. Violet does believe though that this was the moment her father became the man that he is today. She doesn’t believe the loss of a child was the defining factor but rather the financial burden he had to carry from this situation made him snap. Much like her mother, he worked continuous night shifts working security for casinos in Las Vegas and would often be sleeping or drunk during the day. Once again, I’ll come back to this time in Violet’s life in more detail as it deserves its own section. With that, I’ll move on to her father from the pinpoint moment of Violet’s life and how he led that. Violet was only fifteen and very naïve and innocent to the world. She was just a kid that got average grades in school. She wasn’t ridiculously smart like Lily but she saw how her father treated her younger sister. Lily was treated as the smart kid – like she was going to be the success that would save them from this life – which was hard on Violet to watch herself be thrown on the back burner like a plan B that would never succeed. Maybe she didn’t quite see how toxic that situation was for Lily in her own sense of failure so when her father turned to her and said how much she could help the family from all the debt they were in and give them a better life? Is there any surprise that she jumped at the opportunity initially? Again, Violet was young and naïve and very easy to manipulate in to doing something that she should have never done. However, as she followed her father’s lies, she thought she was doing something good. Something that would help her family because why would her own father want to cause her harm? What he saw was a beautiful young girl that unfortunately could be manipulated for money. Maybe in some sick and twisted way there were good intentions initially but at this point, it’s hard for Violet to find these good intentions after he let his daughter be sexually abused. After that point, her father would essentially pimp out Violet to the highest bidders for money. Yes, she was smart enough to pocket some in her bid to escape this life he was leading her in but that never made it okay. The despise that Violet holds for her father is rational in reasoning and she truly wishes nothing more than for him to suffer like he made her suffer from fifteen years old. She blames him for the way she has turned out because she feels she shouldn’t have been exposed to that seedy underbelly ever, let alone as a teenager. Violet often wonders who she would be now if he hadn’t corrupted her and sold her. After his first slap when she left her family behind, she has noticed in the two other occasions they have crossed paths that he is becoming more violent towards her. The first time he tracked her to Members Only, he pushed her up against a wall and was saved by Emery punching him. The second time, he got a hit in and pushed her so hard against the wall that she got a concussion and had to get stitches. In retaliation, Violet has used her contacts in Vegas (which again will be spoken about more) to get revenge that she truly believes he deserves and even then, she doesn’t think he has suffered enough for all the suffering he has caused her. He is also the reason that she will rarely mention that her real name is Violetta as it is a name he uses and the name sounds like poison to her unless spoken by Lily, who speaking of...

Staying on the family theme, tell us about your sisters.

Dorina Kozma, later nicknamed down to Dora Quinn, was the first born. She was only a year older than Violet which honestly made them thick and thieves. Although their time together was cut short, Violet will always remember the vibrant child that she was. She really was the heart of the family and even after her diagnosis in the times that Violet saw her, she was always doing her very best to be upbeat. Dora lived her short life in the manner of ‘tomorrow is another day and it will be better’. Yes, there were times when she was so weak, she could barely play which was very hard for Violet to watch happen when she was allowed in the hospital but the energy that Dora still tried to exuberate was a shining beacon until her passing. Violet felt like she had lost her best friend and although she still had Lily, that didn’t mean that losing Dorina was easy. Having to watch a tiny coffin be carried was hard and in one way, it made Violet very aware of mortality from a young age. She was only seven when she had to learn this lesson. Most families learn it from the death of a pet or possibly a grandparent but you never expect it to be someone so young. Someone who is just a year older than you. As she moved in to middle school and away from the crowds that knew Dora or knew about her, Violet began to not speak about her older sister. It hurt too much to talk about her and it still does. This is where Violet’s habit of lying came in to play. However, the good thing to come of Dora’s death is that it became the driving force for what Violet wanted to do with her life. She is studying Healthcare Play Specialism because the best way for Violet to look back on that dark time is to think like Dora and think of the good times. Remember the games they used to play with the Play Specialist and be able to still have those happy memories that she wouldn’t have had without that person. If she can give that experience to another family going through hell, she would feel like she succeeded in life.  

During Dora’s battle with leukemia, this is when Lilien Kozma (Lily Quinn) became a lot of prominent in her life really. It’s not that Lily wasn’t important before this but rather that she had been younger and Violet and Dora were old enough to play with each other. Now this is where I’ll explain what life was like for Violet and Lily during the time that Dora was ill. Violet was 6/7 while Lily was 4/5 in age which is important to note as Violet had to do a lot of growing up in this time. Their mum was constantly at the hospital either working or with her sick child. Their father would work 12 hour shifts from 6pm – 6am, come home and sleep. When the girls weren’t at school, Violet was basically looking after Lily and raising her. Violet had to learn how to cook and clean for herself and for Lily. She’d have to do bath time and bed time with Lily which is really when they began to bond. Lily also had to grow up pretty fast but, in some ways, not to the extent and speed that Violet had to. When they bounced around homeless shelters for a little while, Violet would always tell Lily everything was okay and would hold her hand while she got her to sleep and even once she was sleep, she wouldn’t let go until she fell asleep. This really made Violet protective of Lily but as I touched on in the paragraph about Silvester, there later became a slight jealousy in a sense. Lily was always really smart. She could just soak up information and got great grades in school. Violet, looking back, can see how toxic that atmosphere was for Lily and feels bad for being jealous or not stepping in and telling her dad that he was out of line in putting the burden on Lily but in the moment, she really was comparing herself heavily to Lily. Why couldn’t she be that smart? Why didn’t her parents look at her like that? It felt like Violet was doing all the hard work in looking after and practically raising Lily with no credit whatsoever. Don’t get me wrong, she loved/loves Lily so much but it really did sting to feel like the lesser child. After her sexual abuse began, Violet did become much more closed off with everyone and lied a lot more which wasn’t easy when Lily was so open and honest. People would find things out about Violet because Lily said something and she didn’t like people to see how fucked up things were. Of course, she lied to Lily too about what was going on because she wanted to protect her. That’s what it ultimately came down to: Protect Lily. She continued doing what she did so her father wouldn’t try to use her baby sister in that way. It’s also why when she got a boyfriend, Violet was and still is very quick to try and threaten her boyfriends. Case and point with how she was dealing with Adrian. Violet let men do unspeakable things to her and she just never wanted Lily to be taken advantage of like that so yeah, she got really protective which Lily might not understand fully.   Leaving Lily behind that day was the hardest thing Violet has ever had to do. She basically raised her and she had to walk away for her own sanity. If she didn’t, she didn’t know how long she could stay under her father’s control without things getting worse. Avoiding Lily and removing all contact was, as hard as it was, the only way she could stop herself going back in to that situation. She understands why Lily would harbour anger towards her for never saying goodbye or explaining it until she had to. Now that Lily is back in her life, she constantly feels like she has to fight to keep her now. She is scared of losing another sister. That’s why she tries to buy her things – even knowing that Lily isn’t the most materialistic person – because she feels lost on how she is supposed to get that kind of love back that she once had. Violet is way too scared to see that she might already have it. As briefly mentioned, she is incredibly proud of Lily for being everything that their mother should have been. She can see the amount of love and hard work that Lily is putting in to being a mother and despite only seeing Aria a couple of times, she can see so much of Lily in her which makes her so happy.  

Let’s move on to the first case of sexual abuse...

As I already touched on this, we have to remember that Violet was a young impressionable teenager. At any point, she could have said no and it would have stopped but because of how far the manipulation of her father ran in her blood, there really felt like there was no other option than to go through with it. It was her fifteenth birthday when this took place. She had been dolled up and wrapped in a pretty bow ready for Lucien who was also misinformed by her father who claimed that she was of age when he slept with Violet. This was something Violet also had to lie about. However, one true factor that Lucien did know was that she was a virgin. In one sense, this was a relief to Violet who didn’t have to pretend she knew what she was doing when she had no idea. On the other hand, that was the realization that she hadn’t just been sold for sex but he had sold her virginity for $1000. If you asked Violet what Lucien actually did to her, she actually has no recollection of that first experience. She could lie and say she was drunk from the champagne that they had been drinking but the truth is, she has blocked out the gory details. What she remembers isn’t anything to do with what it felt like or where he touched or what he did. She just remembers looking out of the window at the lights of Vegas. She’d try to look for stars in the sky but the illuminations of Vegas made them so hard to see. When she couldn't see out of the window from a change of positions, she’d think of Dora. She’d remember how vibrant she was and how brave she was when she was at the hardest days of her life. How she would tell her to just make it to tomorrow because tomorrow’s a new day. She’d remind herself that this was for her family – to make their lives better. This was for Lily.   Once it was over, she went to the bathroom and silently cried. All of that pent-up emotion had to be let out but she didn’t want Lucien to hear in case she somehow ruined this deal. But Violet felt dirty and no amount of washing could salvage her. It wouldn’t matter how hard she scrubbed and when she did get home and shower, she tried to harshly scrub every inch of her body but she still felt wrong. The bravest thing she ever did was find the strength to walk out of that bathroom after her soul cried and take the money back to her father. Lucien had given her extra which she didn’t tell her dad about saying she was worth more than her father gave her credit for. Finding out that she was worth $1000 to her father was the final nail in the coffin for her relationship with her father. She gave him the money with the words ‘I hope it was worth it’.  

What happened after that night?

This turning point solidified who Violet would become. After figuratively clawing at her skin for how unclean she felt, she decided to take control. If this is what she was going to have to do for the sake of her family, she was going to give herself the power in the situation. It was a few days later when she turned up at Lucien’s penthouse suite all on her own. Her dad said there was another contact at the casino who would love to use her but she wanted to know what she was doing. Still under the impression she was of age, Lucien was obviously happy to help. He’d get sex so what was the harm in this deal? This was Violet’s first effort to try and normalize sex in a way for her. Lucien was a good guy despite how it sounded or at least in Violet’s eyes he is. He still did pay for sex with a virgin but he also taught her everything she knows about sex and how to play the game when it comes to seduction. That meant when she would meet up with these other men, she could almost have fun doing it. There was still definitely a time that she hated how her skin felt but she really did learn to harness this and learn how to use her skin to get what she wanted. She began to find fun in playing the game.  

She was still very aware of how fucked up her situation was and that’s why she really began to lie a lot. She’d lie to kids at school about where she lived. She gave off this idea that she had a nice house with this perfect life. It soon became second nature for her to lie to people and in a way, she sorta liked to believe it for a minute. Much like how she retreated to her mind during the abuse, there was a definite sense of fantasy going on in Violet’s head during the next two and a half years of being under her father’s thumb. It’s why when Lily would tell the truth about their actual situation, she hated it because it clashed with the fantasy she’d built up in her head. The fantasy felt easier to live in than her reality even with the control she had. The reality of the situation was that she wasn’t in control at all. Yes, she could make the best of a bad situation but she didn’t get a say in who she met up with. She didn’t get a vote in who did what to her while her father raked in the dollars. That’s why she tucked money away from her dad without him knowing so she really could take control of her life again. Once she fulfilled her deed in gaining her family a house so her sister could have a normal life, that was her time to escape.  

Violet took what few belongings she had in the world and made her way to Lucien’s penthouse. Initially she lived with him for just short of a month while they found a small apartment that she could afford. It was this time that she began to find her love in stripping for money. It helped to pay for her apartment as well as working in a side business with Lucien where she would do escorting but this time, it wasn’t always about sex. Sometimes it was just about being a pretty thing on the arm of a guy in a casino. A bit of light flirting here and once again, playing the game. While playing this game, she made a lot of connections which is why Violet sometimes believes she’s indestructible. She has done escorting for plenty of judges, cops, lawyers and such that used her as a means to cheat on their partners. In these cases, she has taken pictures with them in compromising positions for “just in case”. She has a whole folder of blackmail material that she hasn’t had to use but she feels better knowing she has it. It’s like how she has a folder on her phone of dick pics that have been sent to her. This level of manipulation is another power move for Violet. On top of these, she has sweet talked her way in to a few hearts of tough people so like when she sent men to beat up her dad, she knows how to play a sympathy card with them and getting people to do her bidding if she needs it. It’s not that she would use them without a cause but it makes her feel safer knowing she has these things in place.  

Let’s talk about love. Not familial love, actual love. Have you ever been in love?

There’s only ever been one boyfriend, well, fiancé in Violet’s life. Daniel Costello. They had met through Daniel hiring Violet as a stripper for his best friend’s stag do. She did her job but Danny had caught her eye and he was interested in her straight away. In fact, he asked her to stick around after the dance and actually had a really great night. She didn’t think much more of it until he called her and sent a limo to pick her up and bring her to the wedding after-party. They dated for just short of a year and it was a real whirlwind relationship. There was this deep infatuation from the get go and they just really got along. He was rich and spoiled her rotten. It was really new to Violet to feel loved and to love in return. It wasn’t even about the money but him wanting to give her everything she ever wanted like it was a dream. She told him everything. Every horrible thing that happened to her: the loss of her sister, raising her little sister, her dad’s abuse, everything. He knew she was a stripper and she had stopped escorting entirely for a time. It was stripping that she had the hardest time letting go of because she felt like she was finally good at something naturally. She enjoyed it. It wasn’t about the way men looked at her. It wasn’t about the money. It was about the joy it brought that she only got from dancing. It was a frequent argument that came up but they still persisted in the relationship thinking it wouldn’t be a big deal. Daniel proposed to her which she happily said yes to.

Planning the wedding was harder for Violet than she’d have admitted. Leaving her family behind and the thought of them not seeing her marry the guy of her dreams felt wrong but every time she would think about driving to the house and having that reunion, she’d remember her father and everything he put her through. This inner turmoil was actually more stressful for Violet than planning the wedding and because of this stress, her and Danny began to argue about the same thing over and over. He expected when they got married that she’d leave behind the stripping thing to be a wife and settle down and once again, she would remind him that she enjoyed it and that she didn’t just want to be some trophy wife to a rich husband. After one of these arguments, she was left thinking about Dora and Lily and all those good memories she had in the hospital with them and in a moment of spite, she applied for the Healthcare Play Specialism course at Monarch. She never thought for a second that she’d actually get in. Stemming back to her father’s treatment of Lily, she was made to feel like just a pretty face and nothing more. The arguments got more and more explosive in the two months they were engaged until they finally broke up.  

Violet was very bitter about the break up for multiple reasons. 1. It was her first love and her first heartbreak and she didn’t know how to compute those emotions. 2. He knew from the start she had enjoyed dancing and she would repeatedly tell him so. 3. The explosive nature of their fights was a lot to take in with a lot of words thrown out there that he didn’t mean but it really angered her so when his friends started up in her DMs you can bet she was going to take advantage of it. First, she started with the very man whose stag do started their relationship. She slept with a married man and destroyed his marriage. She went further and slept with a couple more of his friends before she found the acceptance letter to Monarch. She didn’t actually believe it was real at first because why would they want her? Once she knew it was, it felt like an escape from this situation she was wrapped up in so she got her things and moved out to Monarch. This is why it took a year for Violet to tell anyone about her past because she trusted Danny with that part of her and he threw it back at her in that last argument so for a long time, she was scared of anyone knowing that part of her in the fear that they would reject her. So far, in knowing most stuff in her past but definitely not all are four people who (in order of them being told) are: Noah, Lily, Lovey and Caleb. (Though Caleb and Lovey are interchangeable in this as Caleb knows about the escorting which none of the others know about)

So the question here is: how does Violet feel about love? You might have noticed in some conversations that if people use the L word around her, she gets very uncomfortable. She will very very rarely ever use the L word with anyone and hates when people say it to her. Usually Violet will just answer an ew and make it out like it’s all a big joke but since that heartbreak, she really can’t stand the idea of love. She feels like she isn’t in control when she’s in love and does everything to avoid it. If she ever started to get feelings for anyone, she would most likely cut herself off from that person or again, do everything to deny it. Even friends saying they love (drunk or not), she just can’t handle it.  

Why are you not in touch with your emotions?

Much like the love thing, it’s about control. Violet has a huge control complex and feelings and emotions are something she can’t control. This is why she gets uncomfortable around crying people. She can’t deal with them because she can’t deal with her own emotions so how is she supposed to help someone else? Plus, she is so used to drowning her own misery in alcohol so she doesn’t have to feel that when she is around a crying person, her reaction is more of a “just get over it?” kinda thing. Or she just hands them a bottle of liquor and walks away. If she can walk away without having to interact at all she’d be happy.  

Speaking of alcohol, Violet is honestly quite dependent on alcohol at this point which she’ll never admit because that would admit being not in control. She uses alcohol to curb her emotions and for the simple joy of getting drunk. Being drunk is a moment where she doesn’t have to think about what she’s doing every damn second of the day. This is where you’ll find the most truthful Violet and the most emotional in a sense. Although it is very rare for her to be a crying drunk because well, she really detests crying, there are subtle signs that she’s not so okay. She’ll crave affection. I don’t mind sex per say but here is the best example I can give: When she is sober and if sharing a bed, she likes her space and prefers not to be touching the other person as much as she can help it. When she is drunk, however, she wants to be hugged and looked after. She becomes less independent and just wants softer affection than just sex.  

Back tracking to the crying part I just glossed over, Violet hates crying. More so, she hates crying in front of people. She is more likely to cry herself to sleep with her hand covering her mouth to make no noise like she did in the bathroom almost six years ago. Even when telling her past to people and going through excruciating details that still hurt her to this day, she is able to keep a stone face. It’s almost like she distances herself from her own story so she doesn’t have to feel all the pain.  

In conclusion...

I would like to return to the quote on the above image:

“I was not a pet, not a doll, not an animal. I was a survivor, and I was strong. I would not be weak, or helpless again. I would not, could not be broken, tamed.” - Feyre Archeron (A Court of Thorns and Roses)

Not gonna lie, I don’t know the source material here but when I found the quote tonight, it really resonated with me for Violet. She has been through a hell of a lot from a young age and a lot of trauma but she took all of that pain and suffering and created a sense of control in her life. She took charge and yes, some things aren’t healthy about how she deals with that trauma on a day to day basis and her actions can be really questionable but she refuses to be helpless. She is a strong person and strong people are forged from broken pasts and that is exactly what Violet has done.