#also before you think i have some white apologia thing goin on no i'm just american. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bastardwhoisnamedrat · 8 months

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this shit sounds hilarious when i verbalize it so i might as well see if it transfers to text: i have TERRIBLE anxiety in relation to most interpersonal relationships, even longstanding ones like family. i can't text i can't call i can't talk first. this extends to a desire for what i'd like to call "socio-political overawareness" wherein instead of actually synthesizing information into anything even moderately important with my fucking needle head's worth of free time, i just. keep reading shit.

paper after pdf after paper and i can recite the information, yeah, but i can't DO shit with it. so i just get kicked into this gear of anxiety (that truly is my own fault) where i think i'll never know anything, i'll hover in this state of non-awareness and i'll never be able to help anyone like that.

it comes from an internal responsibility to take advantage of how much informaition is avaliable, but sadly i just lack the time to really dive into print resources in depth and this is SUCH a first-world problem, so to speak, so know it's really a non-issue like "ohh i can't understand world politcs fast enough oughh i don't understand historical tragedy :(" but also it just. upsets me.

#i just get anxious about it and there's really... no reason to?#im not gonna explode #i have to learn to parse information at my own pace. but i'm used to the reading rythym of posts. too used to it.#time to log off and get some rest #i think :p #butttt if you have any resources on imperialism than let me know. notably i'm trying to learn what the wider intersts of imperialism are #other than divide and conquer #personal interests of some of the major world powers and how they use imperialism as a means to an end #and basically using that to develop a more leveled perspective on politics in imperialist countries.#haha. this sounds like a research essy topic hehe #im writing one of those but it's about feminists movements in iran and..#the importance of global political awarness... geez im really neurotic huh.#in other news a read a VN today for the first time in awhile!#just a short vn cup title. uhm the one with the clone sisters and the beasts and the human manufactured killing machines. and frotting #it was good!#also before you think i have some white apologia thing goin on no i'm just american.#im not white i swear to god man im not. if you saw my hands right now you would not see white person hands #though you would see my weird ass claw-like typing posture. kind of just Over the home row. but all the fingers are raised so i don't #mistype by accident.#this post is more tag than post. ah well. i hope if you do read this you find my neurosis entertaining .

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