#also both my sibling's SOs get stockings from my parents. but im single. so im costing them half as much candy

[yardsards]

pros of super bulky yarn: i finished a hat in just 2 days

cons: you can't mess too much with the stitch count of stuff when adding 3 stitches adds a whole inch to the item

[citialiin]

ZIGGY ✰ STARDUST

i jacked this from @cardinalrot​. thank you dad. tagging: @gothsic​ ; @blossomingbeelzebug​ ; @betelguide​ ; @thatcertainnight​ ; @prophesyed​ ; you, specifically, reading this.

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬

FULL NAME.     [ redacted ] * NICKNAME.     ziggy  GENDER.     agender (he/him or they/them) / typically presents as a “man” for simplicity’s sake and also because he doesn’t care enough to think about it for more than 4 seconds HEIGHT.     5′10″ AGE.     26 (earth years) ZODIAC.     ??? (he wasn’t born under our stars ... so .......) SPOKEN LANGUAGES.     any/all (he doesn’t really know them, though, he uses an internal translator)

𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬

HAIR COLOR.     bright red, seemingly unnatural -- but it’s natural EYE COLOR.     left pale blue, right black SKIN TONE.     very, very, very pale BODY TYPE.     skinny. very skinny/slender/svelte.  willowy and tall and bony.  good for looking waifish on magazine covers but bad for lifting even vaguely heavy objects. VOICE.     posh, nasally, low, the slightest bit condescending.  speaks with an english accent despite not being english, let alone human.  drawls his vowels and enunciates his letters.  his voice is strangely clear and bright when he sings, unlike his somewhat unpleasant speaking tone, and he tends to sing in higher pitches than his speaking voice. DOMINANT HAND.     ambidextrous -- but he can only play the guitar left handed POSTURE.     very straight and proper, holds his head high and his shoulders square.  uncertain if it’s height alone or if he really is looking down upon you.   SCARS.     small incision in the back of his neck where the translator was placed. barely there and usually covered by a collar or his hair, anyways. TATTOOS.      none BIRTHMARKS.     a large yellow disc on his forehead, rimmed with a slightly darker yellow/bronze with the slightest hint of a chromatic shift affect due to reflecting/light catching pigment in skin cells.  this isn’t unique to him, however, as every member of his race has it. has the tiniest hint of a freckle above his lip, on the left side, and he hates it and wishes he could nuke it off his face.  both of these are usually covered, anyways. MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S).     the circular mark, his unusual eyes, his sharp features, his bright hair. everything about him is weird and outlandish and strange, but it helps him maintain a striking, marketable image.  

𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝

PLACE OF BIRTH.     far away.  HOMETOWN.    faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar away. SIBLINGS.    [ grabs the steering wheel and veers straight into worldbuilding headcanon territory ] the society he comes from is no longer sexually dimorphic and typically doesn’t reproduce the natural way.  having evolved far beyond such icky things, they use genetic samples from large swaths of the population to make consistent batches of new individuals -- the genetic samples are screened for defects and aberrations and sort of tossed together into a genome salad, and out comes however many individuals they need to fill in gaps in the population.  there’s a lot of consistency in his species due to this: everyone has reddish hair, everyone has heterochromia, everyone is about the same height, etc.  so technically, he’s related to everyone in his “batch.” PARENTS.   he wouldn’t ever know -- a lot of people, probably

𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

OCCUPATION.    rockstar -- cultural icon -- celebrity -- musician -- singer -- model -- jerk CURRENT RESIDENCE.    london, LA, NYC, but he’s constantly moving and tours quite often CLOSE FRIENDS.    few and far in between -- he’s friends with his drummer who is named priscilla but usually goes by the stage name WEIRD, as well as siddharth, his bassist, who goes by sid in his personal life but GILLY on stage.  they were the first two humans to encounter him and taught him everything he knows, from how to tie his shoes (aliens wear boots, and you should know this) to the C major scale -- because they are among the few humans who know his secret, he views them as his closest and dearest friends.  his stardom isolates him from them, just a little -- he likes the spotlight but they don’t mind just being “the drummer” and “the bassist.”  they don’t quite have the star power that he does.  his manager  -- tama ahinariki, some guy from new zealand who seemed to bumble his way into becoming in charge of one of the most successful musicians of the decade -- also knows he’s an alien, but they tend to be more business partners than close friends.  tama is more interested in the money side of things whereas priscilla and sid are only interested in the music.  ziggy has stock in the music, money, and his personal brand.  

via rp, he’s made some friends with other characters! a few. very few.  RELATIONSHIP STATUS.    single -- he intends to stay that way.  he gets all the action he could ever need from his legion of devoted fans and groupies.  even in situations where he’s romantically involved and emotionally invested, he would never consider himself exclusive or monogamous.   a lot of tabloids make rumors that he’s involved with cardinal copia, fellow rock icon, but he tends to be sneaky at hiding any time they spent together.  it’s hard to keep things private when you’re both massively popular public figures, though. he goes out of his way to be sure no one knows about his predilection for spending time with thomas, because the last thing an awkward alien in disguise needs is a lot of public attention because people think you’re dating a celebrity (who they don’t know is also an alien). he hangs around annie a lot, too, but this is extra extra under wraps, because annie has a stalker named jonathan who may or may not go apeshit and try to tear his head off or something if he finds out.   FINANCIAL STATUS.    filthy rich. should be guillotined.   DRIVER’S LICENSE.    doesn’t have one. he has some paperwork, somewhere, with a “real” name and all that, but he has no idea where it is and lets his manager deal with that stuff. CRIMINAL RECORD.    none ! clean slate.  that doesn’t mean he doesn’t do illegal things, though.  he just doesn’t get caught.   VICES.    smoking, drinking, la cocaina, sex, impulsive spendng, rockstar stuff.  

𝐬𝐞𝐱 & 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

SEXUAL ORIENTATION.   bisexual. PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE.     submissive  |  dominant  |  switch  | top |  bottom | verse. this doesn’t really come up in rp because i dont write nsfw. the way i view it is that he’s lazy and would rather you take care of him than the other way around LIBIDO.    pretty high, but it’s difficult for him to have as much sex as he might prefer because, uh, he has, uh, alien..............parts...........and stuff ..... like ....... some parts down there look different ....... so he’s stuck having sex with usually in the dark, under sheets, and he has to zip his pants up really quick afterwards. maybe it’s a little bit hilarious and i just think it’s funny idk LOVE LANGUAGE.    selflessness (which is big, for him, king of all douchebags and lord selfish dickhead the third), rambling to you about his day, physical affection, gifts, letting you see him without make up, opening up to you about his life before earth.  he might play you music, sing to you or write you songs if he’s feeling particularly sappy.  this is stuff reserved for people that he finds himself incredibly romantically/emotionally attached to, though, not the people he has one night stands with.  and he almost never forms any sort of lasting attachment to the people he sleeps with casually. RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES.    he tends to fall for people who challenge him in some way, who aren’t easily beguiled by his status and physical looks, but who aren’t outright mean to him.  that being said, he is very vain, and he loves being showered in compliments, praise or attention.  he matches well with people who can put up with his antics and moodiness and odd behavior.  he likes the idea of being someone’s muse or someone’s idol, so he finds himself drawn to other creative types.  he has the most intimate/special connections with other nonhuman beings, especially other aliens, cuz he feels like they Get him and he wouldn’t be really giving himself in his fullest form if he had to still play pretend that he was a human being.  for whatever reason he goes apeshit for goth guys/dudes with black hair who wear a lot of black.  he really doesn’t like people who are too much like him, because HE’S HIM, and you’re YOU, and he really wants it to stay that way.  GET OUT OF MY DRESSING ROOM

𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬

CHARACTER’S THEME SONG.   there’s a whole album about him .......... theres a song called “ziggy stardust” .......  HOBBIES TO PASS TIME.    singing, music, writing -- he lives for that shid.  he likes art in all forms, so he reads, watches movies, looks at paintings -- he has a lot of human culture to catch up on, and he loves all of it, from any time period and any culture.  he also likes buying things, shopping, looking nice, gossip.  he tends to be a party animal (party alien?) and often indulges in more hedonistic fun. LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED.    his brain is not structured like a human brain. also, head empty.  no thoughts. FEARS.    being perceived as ugly or untalented, being outed as an alien, being rejected for being an alien, becoming a nobody, losing his social status, becoming a conformist, becoming “outdated” or “uncool” SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL.    somehow sky high and on the floor at the same time. he usually thinks he can do anything and he’s pretty perfect, but that may just be from a solid few years of repeating that to himself and empty praise given by people who are just crazy obsessed with him -- he built his confidence level on a very shaky foundation, so it’s easy to start making him doubt himself and panic if you know what to criticize him on VULNERABILITIES.    a lot of things, and im sick of typing

* pay me 100000 USD to unlock my LEVEL 20 ZIGGY STARDUST LORE pack now with NAMING/TITLE INFORMATION, HOME PLANET CLIMATE/WEATHER PATTERNS and PAST OCCUPATION/EDUCATION information.  includes a piece of gum i found on the floor.

[rickktish]

BNHA Headcanons

Yagi Toshinori | All Might is asexual. He has had romantic relationships before and did enjoy them, but he’s a complete virgin and satisfied to remain such. He’s not utterly sex-repulsed, but he is rather uncomfortable with the idea of it. He generally assumes that if he met the right person he would be okay experimenting, but none of his past romantic partners have been “the right person,” so it’s kind of more of an idea than a practice.

Aizawa be trans.

Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic grew up with deaf lesbian moms.

Aizawa is a little bit autistic, mostly in regard to sensory issues and social cues. He doesn’t really portray a lot of overt autistic behaviors outside of his home because he’s very good at masking.

Iida is also a little bit autistic, and possibly Tsuyu though not as much for her.

Todoroki has never been diagnosed as autistic in any way. This will probably not change any time soon. He was so isolated growing up that it’s impossible to tell what social queues he misses because of inexperience and what may have less environmentally determined reasons.

If Todoroki ever was diagnosed as being autistic, his father would deny it to his dying breath and bury the evidence deep. No proof will ever arise of any particular doctor’s visits in his childhood having ever taken place. At all.

Todoroki was not allowed in the same room as his siblings from the time he was six to when he started high school. When Fuyumi started cooking she was required to leave his food in the room before he finished training and leave before he arrived. His only interaction with people other than his father for most of his life has been what he can catch on tv and radio and listening and sometimes talking through the walls with his siblings. The only exception was when dressing wounds, but whoever was sent to clean him up after training wasn’t allowed to speak to him nor he to them.

Izuku has never knowingly met another quirkless person, but he did grow up hearing about quirkless suicides on the news. During his late elementary school years, he started trying to attend the funerals for those he heard about on the news whenever he could make it. Some of them had a good-sized gathering, but others were empty, lonely affairs with only one parent attending— two is rare in households with quirkless children— and sometimes not even that. It’s left deep scars and he remains terrified of being revealed to have been quirkless previously.

Midoriya never really gets much taller. Where All Might is this giant— 7 foot something and before he lost all his power an enormous slab of meat and almost nothing else— Midoriya is just this little stocky determinator who definitely never breaks 5’10”-- if he even hit 5’8” it must have been a miracle. He beef, of course, but he short beef, not tall beef.

Todoroki is taller (6’- 6’2” ish) but slimmer than Deku and can curl up very extremely small. Sometimes he has bad days and comes home and curls up into a ball on the couch and when Deku comes home he just picks him up like nothing and holds him in his lap even though his thighs might actually be longer than Midoriya’s torso. Todoroki inherited his mother’s slim build, which translates on him as scrawny, wiry muscle where Deku may be smol but he got BUILT. His arms can cover Todoroki like a blanket, which is exactly what Todoroki needs on bad days.

Deku does the same fairly often for Iida, who has several weighted blankets but they’re just not the same as a warm person who knows what is okay and how to ask and cares and is the best friend he’s ever had

He’ll also occasionally hold Uraraka this way, but mostly only when she’s drunk. She’s a very cuddly drunk.

Actually a lot of the class has found themselves randomly curled up in Deku’s lap at some point for one reason or another and it’s honestly one of the most comforting things. Kaminari had a bad breakup, Tsu got really sick for about a week, Sato had a mild breakdown after a series of really difficult family challenges that culminated in his grandma dying, Tokoyami and Dark Shadow got in a fight that Deku ended up helping to resolve where they took turns with one of them in his lap and the other behind the couch until he got them to talk through it, Aoyama went through a bit of a rough patch with his French parent involving his parents’ messy divorce, it’s kind of just become a thing. For some it’s a one-off, a one-time thing that they’re grateful for but never repeat, for others it’s a regular event when circumstances align, and even those who have never actually wound up curled up in a messy ball of suffering of one kind or another have found themselves draped across or leaning against Deku at one time or another during some kind of distress. He’s very tactile and very comforting. He’s just a magnificent bean who kind of accidentally became dorm parent at some point and then stayed group parent even long into their hero years.

Deku has a habit of randomly picking people up and carrying them. It startled a few of his friends at first, but they all adjusted rather quickly and now it goes without comment. Besides, Deku gives the best hugs (aside from Shoji, Literal Huggin Machine), and being carried by him is basically just an extension of that.

Anyone whose legs are too long for him to piggyback rides on his shoulders, upright, like a toddler. Sometimes he’ll have one person on each shoulder. Giggles abound, but for the most part, they just keep conversing like nothing has even happened.

Various members of class B have wandered past or walked in on conversations between Deku and any combination of people he’s carrying and people he’s not. None of them are quite sure what to make of it. It becomes such a casual part of Class A’s lives that none of them can figure out why Class B is staring.

Uraraka has a bunch of planet mobiles that she sometimes sends floating around her room. She calls it quirk training, but really, she just really likes space.

No one in their class realizes what a space nerd she is until they’re in a science class and start talking about space and she can name every single thing and answer random obscure questions.

The whole class goes stargazing at some point and Uraraka points out every single constellation in the damn sky and it’s a wonderful evening. Someone responds by buying her a shirt with an otter in a flying saucer, backed by faint stars, captioned “i’m off to otter space”

She and Tsu also have paired Tshirts that both have a starry sky, where one is captioned “I have no idea where I am” and the other has an arrow pointing at a single star and says “You are here.” They trade who wears which regularly and never wear one without the other.

She jsut has a lot of space stuff, okay? She really likes space that’s all im tryina say she just really fucking likes space.

She is of an undecided opinion on Aliens and hasn’t explored the idea a lot

Sero is the aliens guy. Uraraka can tell you about celestial movements and the history of the discovery of the stars and constellations from three different cultural beliefs. She can describe interplanetary motion and actually understands the mathematics behind light and space travel. Sero is the aliens junkie who can tell you about coverups and mysterious floating lights and things.

Sero and Kaminari are conspiracy theory nuts and as far as anyone else is concerned they deserve each other.

Even Deku can only listen to so many “the US planted chemicals in the Luminous Baby’s home town and then spread them all over the world when the mutation worked” spazz-outs before getting a little twitchy-eyed.

Deku’s response to things he likes in chats is “my skin is clear, my crops are watered, my father has returned” and all his classmates are Concerned.

Midoriya Inko and Bakugou Mitsuki went to the same middle and high school, but Inko is two or three years older, so they were only there together in her last year of each. Still, they hit it off well in middle school and it meant that they stayed friends while they were at different schools.

At some point while Katsuki is in middle/high school, he and his mom have a huge fight that ends with everyone in the house in tears. His mom decides at that point that she needs to go to therapy to figure out how to be a nicer person. It’s a work in progress— it will always be a work in progress, her therapist tells her, and that’s normal and that’s all right— but their relationship is slowly improving. It gets even better when Katsuki starts attending therapy himself and working through his own issues, both those that are a result of his mom’s behavior and those that are entirely his own. Coincidentally, his other relationships also begin to improve at that point.

Bakugou is trans.

Bakugou transferred into Deku’s preschool halfway through the year. Initially, he was attending another preschool, but problems arose with the teacher when Bakugou declared his gender. Before he arrived, Deku had a fair group of friends who he played with. They were all equals, but Deku was the central figure of the class, being friends with literally every one of the other friends groups within. When Bakugou arrived, he asserted dominance by turning Deku into the laughing stock of the class, and it continued through middle school that way. This is why he describes the method he does during the special training with the kids— that’s what worked for him.

Deku knew Bakugou before that, because their moms were friends. He calls him “Kacchan” because they’ve known each other literally since they were in diapers, when both their moms would refer to them as “Kacchan” and “Zu-chan” because they were both so damn tiny and cute and precious. Zu-chan just didn’t stick the way Kacchan did.

Both Present Mic and Bakugou have some level of hearing loss due to their quirks. Mic is fluent in sign language, as is Aizawa. Bakugou doesn’t talk about it.

Deku learned sign language when he found out Kacchan was losing his hearing. He only brought it up once. It did not go well. He stays on top of it though, practicing with Present Mic whenever he gets the chance, just in case he needs it someday.

Bakugou has reading glasses that he hides very carefully in his dorm and never wears to class in spite of it probably making his life easier if he would.

When Bakugou and Kirishima get married they do in fact decide to have biological children.

They all have dark brown/black hair, because genetics, but at least one or two are born with blond hair that darkens over time instead of just having straight black straight away.

The mommy/daddy question is a real one, Bakugou struggling with questions of his identity as he tries to decide what he wants his kids to call him. He ends up being mum-mum for a short while in the midst of it all (he chooses to breastfeed because it’s better for his kids, dammit, he’s not gonna have them developing hearing problems because of improperly shaped ear canals or anything else of the kind that he’s heard can happen, and when his oldest starts babbling Kirishima has been calling feeding “num-nums” for so long that the kid starts saying “mum-mum” every time he’s hungry and it just goes from there), but eventually by the time all his kids reach middle school they all call him dad or pops. Kirishima is Daddy or Papa all the way through though.

They have three kids, one girl and two boys. It goes boy-girl-boy. Their eldest has a mutation quirk that makes his skin highly resistant to high temperatures. Their daughter has a slight mutation that makes her hands very rough but also an emitter type where she sweats not nitroglycerin but something chemically similar. Their youngest can transform his head, neck, and shoulders to be hard and sneezes nitroglycerin.

Kirishima was sexually abused by a relative as a child and struggles deeply with his sense of self-worth and esteem as a direct result. Starting high school was when he decided to stop letting his fear and pain control his life, hence the hair dye and other changes he made to himself.

Shinsou gets migraines when he overuses his quirk that aren’t really painful but leave him in a weird confused state where everything is too loud and too bright and he can’t really follow words because they just sound like noise. He goes nonverbal, closes his dominant eye against the brightness, and tries to keep going as normal but usually gets caught and pulled gently into a dark, quiet room to recover. They go away after he sleeps.

Bakugou has the most fashion sense out of any of class 1-A.

Hagakure is NLP blind from birth, since she was born invisible and light cannot bounce off her retinas because they reflect no light. She can, however, perceive the reflection and refraction of light around her, which is a semblance of sight for her, except that she senses it with her whole body like heat, not through her eyes. This is part of why she chose to be in the nude for her costume, because she can sense light better when it’s not blocked by her clothes. Eventually she gets clothes that are made of her DNA like LeMillion has which are invisible like her, but she dislikes how it blocks her light perception.

She reads by holding her hands over the page and feeling where the light is reflecting and where it is not. It takes a lot of concentration. She can also read Braille, and that’s easier on her, but often far less available. She has accommodations for quiet rooms to read in and sometimes to take tests in, though she’s embarrassed about it and often doesn’t take advantage of it.

The Todoroki siblings are all very different people, who went through different kinds of trauma as a result of their awful home life and grew up with very different attitudes about many things.

This said, there is exactly one moment in each of their lives in which they all behaved in the exact same way, thinking the exact same words.

At some point in their early adulthood, each of them independently stood in line at a store and noted a small stuffed animal on display. None of them were allowed stuffed animals as children.

None of them were allowed any soft toys as children.

Independently, several years apart from each other as each of them reached their majority and began living alone and free of Endeavor, four hands reached out and picked up the stuffed animal. Four minds thought to themselves, fuck you, Endeavor; I can have this now. And four siblings, never knowing that their older or younger siblings had done or would do the exact same thing, began collections of stuffed animals which no one except their most trusted friends ever saw.

Natsuo showed his husband. Fuyumi showed her spouse. Shouto showed Izuku. None of them ever knew about each other’s collection.

(Touya showed Hawks. It was the beginning of the end for Endeavor.)

Himiko and Twice know about Touya’s stuffed animal collection. He’s never told them, they just know, for their own reasons. Both of them have randomly attached little stuffed animals on keychains to various parts of his body and outfit, ostensibly to mock him, but actually to help contribute to his collection.

Kurogiri also knows, because he is the only well-adjusted adult in this whole damn scene, damnit, and he’s basically already parenting these absolute CHILDREN anyway he might as well spoil them a little as well sometimes. He doesn’t actually tell Dabi he’s doing anything, but he’ll randomly teleport a toy or two into the space where he knows Dabi keeps his Pile. Dabi is occasionally confused when he finds a toy he doesn’t remember purchasing, but kind of just tries not to think about it and appreciates the fluffy.

Shigaraki has a single thimble he uses to keep from disintegrating things he wants to pick up. It’s just big enough to cover enough of one finger to disable his quirk, but is too small for him to get all fingers on at once. It’s also pink.

Shigaraki can neither read nor write, nor can he tell time from anything other than a digital clock set to twelve hour time, not twenty-four. AFO got him young and never bothered to teach him, only indoctrinated him and trained him in what he would need to know in order to one day rule the earth. Which did not include reading, writing, or telling time in more than the least complicated way. He’ll have minions to do those things for him, so best not to bother.

[sammlethal]

Anyone ever tell you that they do not love you? At that point when you have stars in your eyes and that person fills your heart to bursting? Have you ever given someone every single emotion there is to give? From rage to tears of joy? Emotions from both your personal stock and theirs?

Its like we live in a time period where actual love is dead. Everything is selfish. Everyone. Me included.

My father quit on me. Packed all mine and my siblings belongings into small plastic shopping bags and dropped us off 6 hours away in my mothers neighborhood, not sure which house was hers. I had to hold my brother and sister's hands while knocking door to door, looking for my mom. I was 12.

That was a couple years after the era of beatings, after the era of divorce. After that Friday afternoon day at school; my mother was the school bus driver before the divorce. Everyday we rode home with her. Until my father picked us all up. It was fun for us kids. We NEVER got picked up, and by our father! What a thing! He drove us to our pastors house. We did not see our mother again for almost 5 years. In the State of Virgina, in the late 90s, it wasnt considered kidnapping for a biological parent to take off with the kids if they stay within state lines. And my mother must have given up after that. I imagine the evil that was my real father, and how crushed and scared she must have been. Only now do I know what it is she felt.

That was after the molestation of me and my sister by our God father/Sunday school teacher/the churches singing coach.

Then there was my first love. I was 17. She was 16. By 19 we had a daughter, her name is Serenity. My ex was a freak. My demanded things from me that I could not give her, not physically. So in order to keep her and my kid, I let her have her satisfaction and pleasure.

I guess someone screwed her over because she fabricated these fake police reports about a guy who kept coming after her and she said she called the cops over and over and he wouldnt leave her alone (she was 6 months preggo when this happened) and she didnt feel safe and I beat him up. I beat him up bad. Almost killed him. Turns out she lied and he had been paying her for preggo nude flicks and videos amd she felt he still owed her money. So she used my insecurities and my nature and set me on a course that led me to 5 years in prison. Then she left me. Yeah I know. I'm a fucking idiot. My only defense was that i was young and dumb and in love. Or so I thought. No really...i thought it was the right thing. That I was protecting my small, new family. And damnit man, family means the world to me. Probably because mine has been so fucked up lol.

Anyways I get out in 2015 and I meet a girl. She rocks my world in all new was and we CLICK. Like...humor and taste and the world issues we care about and nerdy things and the SEX IS ON FIRE. And I fucked up. I fucked up bad. I broke her heart. I got drunk. I started the road to becoming my biological father.

Then she left me. Which was biggest, greatest thing she could have ever done for me. I went spiraling out of control and ended up living in the woods.

Until she calls me one day. I had a new girlfriend. We did not CLICK lol...and as soon as me and her spoke I turned to that girl and told her we were not gonna work out.

You see. Me and my lady had a son together. A beautiful, handsome as hell and adorable baby boy. And he really became my world. I walked 7 miles to meet him. My feet had popped blisters by the time I got downtown and saw them. The whole time I'm walking I'm hopping she didnt leave. That she would wait. And she did.

Then I messed up again. I scared her. That time between when we broke up and when she came back...i did not do good. I found cocaine and alcohol and it led to a very big fight between the two of us. That night we fought I have never been more like my father than right then and there. And I payed for it. The next morning I was arrested. No one thought of rehab. No one had the sight to see the root of the issues. Or no one cared. It was back to prison for me. A parole violation.

I got out. We tried again. I failed again. Only this time nothing horribly bad had happened. She just wanted an escape. I know this because she has since told me so. That she wasn't IN LOVE with me and needed an escape. We had been split up almost a week. I will never forget. It started on a Wednesday night, I left and went to my mothers. That following Sunday the police beat down the door and arrested me AGAIN. Only this time nothing bad had happened. Not really. She just didnt want to be with me. And so she sent me away. For two more years. 2!

I get out. I find peace finally. I start taking care of mental health.

She comes back! Again! And once again I leave my girlfriend at the time, who by the way, had a heart of gold and did not deserve to get caught up in mine and my lovers drama. I will forever feel guilty about that and I hope she forgives me over time. But at the end...no one can replace my son's Mother. She is my other half. My best friend.

We've been going since April? May? It had been a few years and I had just gotten out a few months before and the Covid just hit so I was trying to get the family court papers started. I got in touch with a private detective to find her so I could have her served. The the last thing I expected was to get a call from her.

And here we are. I am struggling to learn all the important, fundamental life lessons that my parents failed to teach me. I am struggling to learn those crucial relationship lessons we learn when in our twenties...that era of my life that was spent locked away.

All i want is my family. Is to be loved. And to ve able to return that love. My life could have went a few different ways. But here I am, doing the right things as much as I see them. I beat myself up when I fail. I work hard doing general construction. I'm good at it too. I start school in the spring. Nothing fancy just community college. I am an awesome dad. An awesome lover. And I have a huge heart.

ALMOST every single day I am with my little family. My son's Mother and my son. She doesnt want me to move in...which I understand. She claims to be an introvert. Which I also understand. (Along with beating, my childhood was also spent locked in my room, grounded, for days on days on days).

And dont get it wrong. Me and her have some issues. Mine (I think?) are just basic life things I'm trying to wrap my head around, like I said, the things my parents failed me on. But at least I know that. I admit it. And I'm trying. Because I'm a good man who has been through hell and because of that hell, I love with a feirceness, I don't give up. I am patient. And I generally have a positive outlook on life. I would I am doing good, all things considered. Her issues? Jesus fucking Christ. You would swear the world is ending right now.

She is constantly breaking up with me. For example, this weekend I gave it to her in a way neither of us have had...im talking sex here...we both have this...fetish, both of us (how rare?) And we both click when we do these things. Anyways I left her empty of all juices. Then I massaged her a little that night, telling her how good and amazing she is. Then another nice massage a day or so later. She thanked me after the last one (massage I mean)...saying how her back didnt hurt in the morning and how she got her yoga done.

And now we are broken up. Right now. Again. It was last week when it happened. She calls me on Wednesday or Thursday and says that I got in her head. Then this awesome weekend happens. Then an awesome start to the week. Then tuesday, doing construction, I think i pulled something in my leg or gave myself a small hernia, because after work I was in pain and sore. I asked told her I wanted to stay home. Rest up. That the next day we were supposed to start this big window replacement job. 20 something windows. But no. We argued over it. I dont know why. I think she just really missed me. Or so I thought. And said she needed help with our son. She always says that, then when i get there and dinner is over, the rest of her night is spent on her phone (which she is sneaky with), on the TV, or MAYBE catching up on homework. Says she is tired after a long day of working from home, on the phone and computer. Doing IT. But I do physical labor. And if I complain that I am sore or tired she just thinks i want to sit at home on my PlayStation or watching netflix, instead of taking the responsibility to be there for our son. Which remember, I am ALWAYS THERE. Unless she has decided that I am horrible, in which case she breaks up with me, and I spend the next couple of days hurt and crying and missing my family. I can not move in with her and my son. She does not want her family to know. (My mother told me she would disown me if me and her got back together. But it did not stop me. Because i am a man, and she is my woman. He is my son. And this is my life)....and is so stressed and anxious that will find me over there. I have actually, more than once, had to run and hide because her family popped up.

So yeah, I walk over there. This was Tuesday. The day when I think I pulled a muscle. I walked. She says that the only reason I walked was because she had to yell at me. But man...see these text. You would swear I am the world's largest dick head. In reality she said all these things in front of my son. That night I touched her. Massaged her just a little...soft touches. We made love. I woke up throughout the night with leg cramps. Woke up the next morning so tired from lack of sleep and hurting leg muscles. Called the doctor. Had to miss work. Turns out that yep, I gave myself a small hernia. Then WALKED on it lol.

So when we talked yesterday. I told her that the doc is pretty sure I have a hernia...my appointment was today and yes...yes I do have a little hernia. Doc wants me to rest but I'm pretty sure I have to work. Anyways so yesterday, before she picks our boy up from daycare (by the way, kuddos to you moms who work from home AND have kids to deal with at the same time. You girls are superheros!)...which I agree with daycare. He is an only child and he needs interaction with other kids. It's important for his development. Anywho, she ask me before picking him up if I want to come over. I tell her no, tell her what the doc said. By this point I have been there everyday since Friday. While on parole and breaking cerfew and worried about that. (Which I got questioned on. If I didnt worry about parole before, why now? And I dunno. Thats way of anxiety? But good thing I did because he came by this morning and I was here. Had I been there with her, I would have been here and would be on my way to a big ole parole violation. But no. In her eyes I dont do enough. I have to be there every day, no matter if I'm sick or sore or in pain. That is what she said. That a real parent never quits.

I'm just so confused. I didnt quit. He can come over here to my place whenever he wants. Ive told her this. I have told him that. Of all nights for the two of us to stay at our respective homes, last night was it. I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN AND CAN BARELY MOVE.

But she broke up with me again last night. Or better yet, said that we have been broken up. She said she doenst love me anymore.

How? Literally all we do is laugh. Have amazing sex. We are awesome parents. I literally dote on her. Massage her. Touch her softly. Like for real, I EMPTIED her of all juices, have seen her cry...actually cry, from pleasure. She makes 50x more money than I do, but I still give her money because I don't want to feel like a burden.

I dont get it. I really don't. I give the shirt off my back. Gave myself a hernia. All I want is belong to a family that doesn't quit when the anxiety comes. Who doesnt take a lifetime of anxiety and stress and then blame it on someone else simply because they are what is in front of you at the moment.

How can someone be so smart and not see that? Or not want to?

Its 2020. We live in a world that encourages us to lie to ourselves. To lie to ourselves about our nature. We all believe we are good. Harmless people. Who would never hurt anyone or cause ill will. What we fail to see is that yes, we do cause all of these things, and then some. We are not perfect. We are human. We will hurt other people. We will lie. The great tragedy of the world isnt this in and of itself...these different hurts and heart aches are as old as humanity is....war, peace. Love and hate. The great tragedy is that we have been led to believe that we are beyond that, that we good, perfect people. And so when we do hurt others, its not our faults but theirs because how can I, this wonderful human being in the modern age, ever hurt someone? I have a car, a job, I'm a good parent. I'm a good boss. Whatever it is. We justify who we are by our level of success. And this is wrong.

And when she ask me why I love her after everything. Those moments when we both see the truth and see who we are, those are the moments when she ask me how I'm the world I can actually love her knowing all this. Dealing with all this. How? And I dont have the answer. I just know that my heart beats for the two of them (her and my boy) and it always will and I really hope one day she comes around. I'm waiting for that.

Some men find that one lady, that one lover, and there is nothing else after her that we want. She has it all. And that is me. That is her.

I love you

[jaouinedcan]

Home is Where the Journey Takes You [NedCan Week: Day 5 - Home/Journey]

I was initially on the fence about Nyotalia, but oh man did I ever fall for Nyo!Netherlands when I read “The Raven’s Call”   👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit

...So yeah I wanted to spread the love a bit and also give props to paladinquen for the inspiration; I also really liked the name they chose for her so I went with it for this fic, too :)

Anneke de Boer had her whole life mapped out by the time she was ten.  She was going to inherit her father's shipping company, manage it from her mother's flower shop, marry the most capable man in sight to take charge of the ships, and have a few children to carry on the family business after she retired.  It was a simple and clear-cut plan.  She didn't even have to be in love with the man she would marry since it was far more important to find someone with smart business sense.  Since her father was one of the most successful men in town, Anneke didn't think she's have much trouble interesting someone, and, indeed, a few young men began making a habit of visiting her and her father once she grew older.  It seemed as though everything was going perfectly as planned, and she continued focusing on her education as she left negotiations to her father, trusting him completely as he weeded out the smooth talkers hoping to simply live off her family's wealth like a parasite instead of contributing to it and ensuring that her family name would carry on in prosperity.

It startled her how easily it all came undone once the Netherlands were invaded in 1940 as she teetered on the cusp of adulthood.  Her father's ships did not return, his warehouses were commandeered by the invading army, and their home was used as a residence by the men assigned to control the city.  Even her suitors disappeared, either having lost interest or their lives through resistance efforts.

Most of their possessions, wealth, and assets gone, they moved into her mother's flower shop.  It was an unfathomable difference between having a private room to herself and sharing a small storeroom with her parents and sister, which shrank further yet when one of her father's most trusted business associates came to them under the cover of night with little Luca in hand and a desperate plea, and then she had a little brother, too.  The townsfolk closed ranks and spoke of little Luca de Boer as if he had been theirs all along, and when the German soldiers asked them why he had no papers, Anneke feigned humiliation at having a son while still so young herself, saying he was raised as her little brother instead to avoid bringing shame upon her family and harming her marriage prospects.  Luca was lucky that his facial features were so miraculously similar to hers, because the soldiers moved on without asking any more questions.  They never saw his father again and no one else would come to collect him, but that was fine.  Little Luca became so precious to them it wasn't long before he was truly considered a de Boer in every way that counted.

Over the course of the next five years, conditions continued to deteriorate, but nothing was quite as terrible as the final winter of their occupation, when all they had left to eat were the tulip bulbs left in the storeroom and Anneke was forced to get creative.  As people succumbed all over the city to hunger and the cold, her family scraped along until liberation, though it came at the price of her father's peace of mind.  She knew that he blamed himself for being unable to provide for his family--he apologized often and spent long hours sitting up awake when he should have been sleeping, going so far as to eat smaller and smaller portions of the food she brought home, insisting that she share the rest of it with her siblings.  Despite her best efforts, he nearly willed himself into an early grave, bedridden for weeks before the Canadians marched through their streets.  While her mother kept a close eye on Emma and Luca, jumping up and down with pieces of chocolate melting all over their hands, she'd dragged her father's moldering mattress all the way to the shop's front door to watch the parade.  It was the first time she saw him cry, and it would not be the last, because instead of passing on he slowly recovered over the next few months and became much less concerned with keeping up appearances.

There was one last blow as the reforming Dutch government sought to punish Germans and their supporters, but Anneke endured it with her head held high.  Her family wasn't able to return home since it had been destroyed in an allied strike, but she didn't mind that so much as the townsfolk silently staring at the back of her suddenly bared neck as she went about her errands, and so limited her time outside as much as possible.  Some of the other girls refused to go outdoors at all, and she could hardly blame them.  She, at least, had been fortunate enough to not fall in love.  There had been some good men in the German army--she'd had the sense to avoid them, but some of the girls in town were so desperate for companionship in such trying times that they'd been drawn in by any hint of affection.

When they'd been gathered in the street to face their punishment, Anneke, repulsed by the whole spectacle, took the scissors from the official stepping up from behind her and cut her hair herself, refusing to give him the satisfaction of shaming her and the other girls for making the best of a bad situation.  Some of the other girls were shocked out of their tears as she threw down the scissors and walked away.  When Emma told their mother as she helped her even out the mess she'd made, Anneke caught her smiling in the mirror's reflection, and remembered what pride felt like.

Even so, Anneke disliked the attention and kept to herself, taking care of the flower shop as money began to pour back into the city.  It was easier to handle than going out into the street since the majority of her customers were Canadian soldiers, the one group of people with a bit of money to spare for non-essentials, though it was the young Dutch girls capturing their hearts who enjoyed the gifts they bought.  It had been the same story over the course of the occupation, though she only sold flowers to the Canadians.

One day, about a week after cutting her hair, a new customer came in.  She'd long since learned the names of the others and their beaus along with their favoured arrangements.  It was all part of being in business, knowing what the customers wanted and ensuring that she kept the most popular items in supply.  This soldier was unfamiliar, though, and she went through a mental checklist of the local girls who were still single, trying to match him with one.  He seemed either shy or nervous, pacing among her displays, so the girl may have approached him, first, but all the more assertive girls were already dating, to her knowledge.

Anneke tried to decide whether to leave him be or greet him.  It was in good business sense to welcome him to the shop, but if he was skittish--and she couldn't fault anyone who fought the Germans for suffering lingering anxieties--it was possible that surprising him would cause him to leave and she'd lose a possible regular customer.  All of a sudden, though, he steeled himself and approached the counter.  "Hallo," she said, having the decision made for her.

"Hello," he replied, standing straight like he was facing his commanding officer.  "Do you speak English, miss?  Au Français?"  He had a quiet way about him, but she had no trouble hearing his voice in the otherwise empty shop.

"My English is better."  There hadn't been many French nationals in the city willing to let her practice, especially once the occupation began and speaking anything but German in public became increasingly dangerous.  "What are you looking for today, sir?"

He seemed relieved; most of the soldiers she'd encountered spoke English, so maybe his French was weak, too.  "I'm afraid I don't have the faintest idea," he admitted.  "It's for a girl, of course--I don't exactly have family nearby--but I don't know what she would like.  Do you have any suggestions, miss?"

"What is her name?" she asked.  "I may know her preferences."

"We haven't yet been introduced," he said, and offered his hand.  "I'm Matthew Williams."

She was a bit taken off guard by the abrupt change of subject, but shook his hand anyway.  "Anneke de Boer."

"On nuh kuh," he repeated carefully, getting a feel for the pronunciation.  "Anneke, if you don't mind me asking, what is your favourite flower?"

She heard that question often; men often assumed women liked certain kinds as a collective.  Well, he was in luck at the moment, because Anneke had plenty of her favourite in stock at the moment.  "For soft feelings of affection, tulips are best.  As with roses, the colour of choice for romance would be red.  If your intention is to pursue a Dutch girl's heart, even if her English is not good, the meaning of a red tulip is clear."

Matthew smiled, pulling out a handful of coins from one of his pockets.  "That sounds perfect; I'd like to buy one, please."

She counted out his change first, then lead him over to the tulips, pulling an attractively shaped one out of the bunch for him.  When she held it out for him to take, though, Matthew enclosed her outstretched hand between both of his, instead.

"Anneke," he said, "I hope to see you tomorrow at the town centre."  Matthew then released her hand and bowed his head slightly toward her before turning and walking back out into the street, leaving the tulip in her hand.  She stared out after him until he stepped out of sight.

She isn't sure how long she stood there, but it couldn't have been long because Emma and Luca tumbled out from behind the counter, obviously having snuck in through the back door.  "Anneke you have to go," Emma insisted, bringing her from English back to Dutch.  "He's the one who always has sweets!"

Indeed, both Emma and Luca held up hands marked with melted chocolate, but Luca looked a bit unsure.  "He wouldn't let me and my friends play in the field by the hospital yesterday, though..."

Emma tugged on his ear.  "That was because they haven't finished clearing out the land mines, Luca!  We really have to work on your English before you get blown up!"

"I'm not going to get blown up!" Luca protested with a pout, holding one hand over his ear and licking the other one clean of chocolate.

"Listen to what the soldiers tell you, Luca," Anneke said, backing up her sister, "and you will not get blown up.  The fields are too dangerous to play in, so you will have to stay in the city for now."

"Okay..." he agreed, though he still looked put out.  "I hope they get all the mines soon.  I want to go out exploring like the boys in books do.  It's not fair."

"It isn't fair," Anneke agreed, helping to placate him by acknowledging the injustice, "but it is better than before and it will continue to get better from here on out.  If business keeps up at this pace, I will be able to buy you a football in time for your birthday."

Luca's eyes opened wide  as saucers.  "Really, Anneke, really?!"  At her nod, he launched himself around her legs, burying his face in her skirt.  "Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!"

Anneke ruffled her little brother's hair with her free hand, and looked over to her sister, who thoughtfully licked her fingers.  Luca was still a boy, but Emma was well on her way to leaving childhood behind her.  Anneke suspected that she even had a good idea how she'd kept them all fed over the last year, though she'd hoped to spare her from the knowledge.  "Anneke," she said, eyes locking on the tulip, "I was just kidding about the sweets.  You know that, right?"

She wanted to find out who told her and tear a strip from their hide.  "I know, Emma."

"Still," she said, lips curling into an encouraging smile, "he's really nice, always asking us how we're doing, and I don't think he even knows we're family so it isn't just to get into your good graces.  You should go see him tomorrow.  I can look after the shop.  Luca can stay here, too, and I can help him with his English in between customers and you can have a day off and have some fun for once."

Anneke considered it.  With their father at the Allied hospital and their mother working to help care for him and the rest of the recovering townsfolk and soldiers, Emma and Luca were mostly left to run free, but maybe it was time to allow them a little more responsibility.  "If you really mean that," she decided, "then I will go."

She brought the tulip to the back room and left it on the table in a cup with sugar water so it would last longer.  When their mother returned from the hospital with their supper, she saw it, took a long breath, slowly exhaled, and once she was done, looked more at ease than she had since the occupation began.  Anneke brought up the football idea before she could ask.

The upper ranks of the Allied military were supposed to discourage romantic relations between their soldiers and the civilians they protected, but such regulations were doomed from the start.  Young people were drawn to excitement no matter what their elders had to say about it, and while Anneke considered herself an exception to the rule, she still liked to see people around her having fun.  In the weeks following liberation, the most exciting thing was to meet the Canadian soldiers, and it was inevitable that romance would result.  She profited from it directly, and swiftly heard about the unsanctioned social gatherings in the town centre.  Someone would bring a radio and everyone in attendance would drink and dance.  The generals could not dictate where the troops spent their off duty hours and forbidding contact with the locals would lower morale, so many of them were in attendance and flirted with the girls who came to see them in open defiance of military policy.  It had only been a few weeks and already there were at least a dozen couples dancing, clearly besotted with one another.  She wished them well.

Matthew found her quickly.  There were not many Dutch girls with short hair willing to walk the streets these days, so she stuck out like a sore thumb.  "Anneke," he said, "I'm glad you're here.  Would you like to dance?"

It would be easier to talk to him in motion rather than awkwardly standing off to the side, leaving them vulnerable to eavesdroppers.  "Yes," she said, raising her arms and inviting him to step toward her, allowing him to take one hand in his, settling the other on her waist while she rested hers on his shoulder.  Up close, she realized they were either the same height or very close to it and his eyes were a very peculiar pale blue that seemed to shine violet in the light.

"Thank you for coming, Anneke," he said, once they'd found their rhythm.  "I've been wanting to meet you for a while now."

That was the thing she was the most curious about.  How did he know her?  She avoided the streets as much as possible and yesterday had been his first time visiting the flower shop, so when had he developed an interest in her?  Well, all she had to do was ask.  "I'm a little confused how I managed to make such a strong impression, given I've been keeping to myself lately."

"Yes, I've noticed," he agreed, smiling faintly.  "I'd have thought I would have run into you before now, but I ended up having to ask around to find you again.  I'm not surprised you didn't notice me back then in the crowd.  I was one of several soldiers assigned to the area to prevent any violence from breaking out."  So that was it.  She really should have guessed, but that still didn't explain his interest in her.  "I have a pretty good idea of what you said back then, but I wanted to know for sure.  Would you be willing to translate it into English for me?"  He made a good effort of repeating the Dutch phrase that must have echoed in his mind for the past week.

Matthew could have asked almost anyone in town.  He could have asked her yesterday, too, if it mattered that much to him, but maybe he had noticed her siblings spying on them.  Or maybe going in such a roundabout way was a Canadian custom.  Whatever the case, she had no reason to not answer.  He'd either like it or hate it and if it disturbed him the worst result would only be her mother's disappointment.  "In English, what I said was 'I will not be shamed for the things I have done to protect my family'."

His eyes closed for a moment as his lips curved further upward, likely focusing on matching the words to his memory.  "Yeah," he said, softly, "that was the feeling I got."  An odd pressure began to form in her chest as he opened his eyes again.  "Anneke, I've yet to meet a woman quite so resilient as you.  You're amazing; I hope you know that."

Anneke wasn't quite sure how to respond, so she didn't, and continued to dance with him.  When she didn't excuse herself as the first song ended and the next one began, Matthew took it as a sign to restart the conversation and they began to introduce more of themselves to each other.  As the afternoon wore on and Matthew's remaining off duty hours ran low, they agreed to meet each other again (and again and again...)

It was months later, after her father returned from the hospital, that the other shoe dropped.  Her mother had told him all about Matthew and he'd pried what information he could from Anneke when she closed the shop on Sundays to take Emma and Luca to see him.  He insisted that she invite him over for dinner at the first opportunity and she indulged him.  Matthew had already met her mother and siblings several times and got along with them well, especially as he insisted upon washing the dishes himself after meals, but he was nervous about meeting her father.  She gently teased him for worrying about nothing, but that was before she learned what they quietly discussed together when her father pulled him outside to talk over a few cigarettes.

"He's going to propose to you, soon," her father explained after Matthew left, knowing how much she hated surprises.  "I think you should accept."

"Father--" she started to protest, but he was having none of it, reaching out to grasp her hand and squeeze it tight.

"Anneke, the sacrifices you have made for this family are far over and beyond what any father would expect from their child.  You see me, here, a mere fraction of the man I used to be, unable to provide for you a future that does not involve you toiling away without a passing thought toward your own happiness.  I did not even have to meet Matthew to see that you care for him more than you would admit, but I did wish to see him and verify that he felt the same.  I'm sure you clearly remember the day that Luca was brought to us, but I never imagined I would understand the depths of his father's desperation and anguish.  He could not provide a life for his child, and so brought him here to us.  I cannot give you the future you deserve, and so I ask you now to go with Matthew and live your life as you wish.  That is all I can do for you, my darling child."

She forced the words out of her throat, tight with emotion.  "Father, I cannot leave you and Mother to raise Emma and Luca alone.  You still need me here.  You can't have me leave you this way.  How am I to help from halfway across the world?"

"Emma is nearly as old as you were at the start of the occupation," her father reasoned with her.  "It is her turn, now, to step into the responsibility you will be leaving behind.  She will spend a few years running the flower shop with your mother and I supporting her in every way we can, and once she reaches your age, she, too, will leave us to pursue her own happiness, and so it will go on with Luca after her.  It is my fondest desire as a father to see my children more successful than I was during the height of my career.   You know this, Anneke."

"Yes," she was forced to admit, eyes beginning to burn.  He'd told her many times over the course of her life.

"You will not be leaving us so soon," he assured her.  "The mission is far from over.  I expect the soldiers to stay for many months to come, but Matthews tour will expire soon enough and when it does, his government will be all but forced to take his wife back with him.  Until then, we will enjoy the time we have left together."

Her father, hunched over his cane, stood shorter than her.  It was the first time an embrace between them had her chin resting atop his head rather than vice versa.

The proposal had been simple, the ceremony had been small, and the honeymoon limited to a one night stay at the nicest hotel in the city, but it suited them both just fine.  Life continued on as before, but Matthew was unable to stay in her company for longer and longer stretches of time until he was finally relieved of his duties and sent back to Canada.  Her own voyage was postponed until much later, all sorts of bureaucratic nonsense to be done as governments worked together to organise the travel details of tens of thousands of war brides.  During their separation, they wrote letters often, the latest of which detailed Matthew's efforts to build a house for them on his parents' property and how he planned to prepare several flower beds out front and back just for her.  She hadn't even had to ask.

The ship was filled to the brim of women and children borne to them over the course of the war.  Most of them boarded in Great Britain because that was where most Canadian servicemen had spent at least a portion of their time in Europe.  She got along with the rest of the women well enough, but after a time, she'd gotten weary of the noise in the larger gathering areas and made her way to a more secluded area on the upper deck, where she would spend the majority of her time aboard.  Something about the open air and sea breeze just felt right.  If people were reborn into new lives after passing on, then she must have been a sailor in a past life.

She found her brother-in-law, Arthur Kirkland, leaning against the railing shortly after the stop in Great Britain.  She wasn't surprised to see him in a surly mood--British men were proud, just like most men everywhere, and he didn't take kindly to being teased as a 'male war bride'.

Anneke leaned on the railing beside him, recognising him on sight from the description Matthew had provided.  Arthur had met and married her husband's sister back in Canada before Matthew had been deployed, as it had been one of the safest places on Earth for Commonwealth airmen to be trained.  She'd been warned about his height but she was still surprised that the British Airforce allowed him to become a pilot.

Arthur glanced over at her and said, "Well, you may as well bloody get it over with," as he retrieved a pack of cigarettes from his jacket, lighting up without another word.

"I'm Anneke," she said instead of teasing him as he expected.  "I'm making the assumption that you're Arthur Kirkland?"

He seemed surprised, nearly dropping his cigarette, obviously having refrained from introducing himself to anyone on board as of yet.  "And how would you know that?" he asked, suspicious, looking as though he half expected an assassination attempt.

"Because I am Matthew's wife?" she asked in confusion.  He was supposed to have known that they would be on the ship together, but clearly, he did not.

"Damn it, Amelia..." Arthur grit out, the pieces falling into place.  "The worst part is that I have no idea if she forgot to mention it or did this on purpose just to vex me."  He took a long drag of his cigarette, then took it out of his mouth and extended his free hand to shake hers.  "Arthur Kirkland at your service.  It'll be good to have some sane company on board; can't see Matthew going for anyone without a lick of sense.  Should have married him myself."

She was surprised enough by the joke to stifle a laugh, and Arthur allowed himself a satisfied smirk as she replied.  "I heard from Matthew that Amelia could be a handful at times.  Best of luck to you," she wished him.

"I'll need all of that I can get," he griped, then sighed, casting his gaze over the side of the ship.  "God, I miss that woman.  Having to go back to England for years without her was almost unbearable, but at least I could be sure she was safe.  My family lost everything in the blitz and were scattered to the four winds; I'm sure you have the general idea, being Dutch.  You know, I had the honour of flying some of the Operation Manna missions.  We had to fly so low I could make out individual people dancing in the street."

So he had placed her accent after all.  "I imagine it was quite different, flying a bomber to save lives rather than take them."

He smiled again.  "I have to say, it was one of just a handful of reasons why I was glad to have chosen the Royal Air Force over the navy."

Ships were as British as tulips were Dutch.  "Why didn't you join the navy, Arthur?"  He seemed to be enjoying himself on the sea.

Arthur used an arm to indicate his entire body.  "They would have taken one look at me before folding me into a suitcase and loading me onto a submarine with the rest of the sardines.  There was no way I was going to risk getting on one of those deathtraps when what I really wanted was, well, this.  The fresh open air, the salty spray, the freedom of an endless expanse of ocean...  Hah, at least piloting a bomber meant a bit of time here and there on aircraft carriers."

She was glad that he mentioned his size first so she could likely escape his ire if anything unwise slipped out of her mouth.  Anneke wasn't used to being around men so much shorter than herself.  "I see," she replied.  She would have felt claustrophobic, too, crammed into small spaces with strangers, though it hadn't been so bad sharing small spaces with family.  "Had I the choice, I may have preferred to spend my life aboard a ship like this one," she said, wistful.

"Why not?" Arthur wondered.  "If the lad liked you enough to ship you across the Atlantic, I doubt he'd be opposed to giving the sea life a shot."

It was Anneke's turn to smile.  "Unfortunately for my sea legs, I fell in love with flowers first."  There was no person on Earth able to get everything they wanted, but she could enjoy this part of the journey while it lasted.  That really was all that anyone could do.

Anneke and Arthur got along so well they were nearly siblings as heart by the time they disembarked, having enjoyed the voyage and explored the ship in mutual interest.  Unfortunately, the train was another story, the jarring motion of the rails putting them both on edge to the point that they could barely stand the sight of each other after a few hours.  Even worse, there were still several hours left to go.  The sheer size of Canada was almost unfathomable to both of them; the whole of Europe could easily be set inside with room to spare.

They were very nearly the last few off the train.  The moment they stepped out onto the platform they instantly began to feel better, and Anneke's eyes locked onto the western horizon in wonder, having never seen anything quite as spectacular as the mountain range in the distance.  "Would you look at that..." she mumbled, amazed.

Arthur was a bit more used to the sight.  "I'll bet you haven't seen much more than gently rolling hills before, back in the lowlands."

"No bet," she replied, since he would win hand's down, and dragged her eyes away.  "Did we arrive on schedule?  I half expected Amelia to tackle you straight out the door from all you've said about her."

He looked down at his pocket watch to check, and therefore completely missed seeing his wife barrel toward him.  "Artie!!!" she called out, and he looked up just in time to yell in outrage as she grabbed him around the middle and raised him over her head.  Even Amelia had a few inches on the poor man and Anneke held back a chuckle for the sake of his pride already under fire as she began scanning the crowd for her husband, who couldn't be far behind.

"Anneke," he said, approaching from the side, and she turned to see him.  He looked just as handsome out of uniform, and just as happy as he had been on their wedding day.  After a long moment of ignoring the loud struggle beside them, they stepped forward to meet in the middle of their stride, reaching forward to lay a hand upon each other's face, drawing themselves in for a long awaited kiss that slowly transformed into a full embrace as they sought to pull each other even closer, their heads tucking into the curves of the other's neck, taking in the familiar scents they'd missed so much.  "How was the trip?"

"Exhausting," she complained without a hint of exasperation.  "Please tell me the farm is a stone's throw away at the most."

"I'm so sorry," Matthew replied, contrite.  "There's still a few hours of driving to get there."  Anneke moaned in horror directly against his shoulder, and he tried to comfort her.  "I'll drive as smoothly as possible so you and Arthur can sleep, I promise."

"I'm in the back seat with Artie!" Amelia declared.

"You'll be up front with me so Arthur can rest," Matthew overruled.

Amelia howled in indignity.  "Mattie, I haven't seen Artie in years!  You can't do this to me!"

Matthew pulled back from Anneke and turned them both to face his sister and Arthur, who had freed himself from his wife's manhandling but looked nearly ready to give up the ghost.  "Anneke, this is my twin sister, Amelia.  Amelia, this is Anneke, my wife."

"Don't just ignore me, Mattie!" Amelia complained, but shook Anneke's hand anyway.  "Hey there, Annie, I'm sure we'll get along great as long as you aren't half the spoilsport my brother is."

"Oh, for God's sake, Amelia," Arthur said, finally at his limit.  "Calm down a tad, would you?  Let me rest a bit now and I'll give you my full attention once we arrive."

"You have a deal, mister!" Amelia accepted, then leaned in close to Anneke.  "I'm not gonna let him leave my room for a week."

"Amelia!" Matthew and Arthur protested in sync.  Her sister-in-law wasn't very good at whispering.

Matthew and Amelia's parents were good, hardworking people; farmers born from farmers.  They grew crops rather than flowers, but they were interested in her expertise.  In time, they might be willing to allow her a portion of the land to grow a few varieties to sell.  It would be wonderful if she could open up a flower shop one day.  She'd been told the winters could be brutal, though, so she'd have to look into building a sturdy greenhouse.  Before that, though, there was something else far more important to put their savings towards.

She was taken for a tour of their home-in-progress.  Until it was finished, they would be using Matthew's old room in his parents' house, but that was fine--it wasn't much smaller than the storeroom back in the Netherlands and didn't have to double as a kitchen.  The new house, on the other hand, would be much bigger--possibly even bigger than the house she'd grown up in.  They would have enough room for both them and Amelia and Arthur to stay until they settled upon their own plan.  There were a few possibilities between moving south to America or living full time at an air base, but the only thing they knew for sure as of yet was that they had no interest in taking over the farm, which was perfect, because she and Matthew would be happy to have it.

"Once Amelia and Arthur move on, your parents can move into the secondary master bedroom--theirs and ours will be on opposite ends of the house for as much privacy as possible.  The kids' bedrooms will all be upstairs; Emma and Luca will have great big windows to see all the way out into the field and plenty of space they can use to store whatever catches their fancy in town.  There'll be a few extra rooms we can use for storage at first; we can clear them out once we decide on when to start trying for kids of our own, but until they're big enough for their own space, we'll have the nursery in the room right next to ours.  I've plotted out the gardens, too, you see there?  It'll be great to see tulips popping up everywhere in spring like they did in the Netherlands."

If there was no such thing as perfection, this was pretty damn close.  Anneke looked over the properly with a smile, squeezing Matthew's hand tight as she turned to regard the vast open field untouched by conventional warfare.  "Luca is going to love it here."

[Notes: I hope I did nyo!Netherlands justice here; I waffled on whether or not to write her smoking, but in the end, I decided the timing didn’t work; tobacco would have been rationed around the time she would be considered old enough to smoke and she would have spent what little money she had on necessities instead.  Once she gets her family all together again, she might get into the habit, but not before.

I felt a little odd about mostly putting the romance on the backburner, but I felt it was more important to visit all aspects of Anneke’s life, journey, and development.  I might write a few drabbles in the future set in this AU to help flesh out their love story a bit more.]

[thehenryhiggs]

bre’s big ol podcast rec list

heyyy everyone! so @bodhilukes​ asked for podcast recommendations on twitter and @czarrish​ and i immediately jumped on that. i was gonna make this list sometime this month away, and im super excited to do it! this is probably gonna get long so under the cut we go!

COMEDIES:

1. Hello From The Magic Tavern

Updates: Every Monday

Current # Of Eps: 101

General Length Of Eps: 40 mins to an hour

Synopsis: Arnie Niekamp fell through a dimensional portal at a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of Foon. He’s still getting a slight wifi signal from the Burger King, so he hosts a weekly podcast with his buddies Chunt (a shapeshifter who normally takes the shape of a badger) and Usidore, a wizard. They interview different creatures from Foon each week as Arnie tries to learn about Foon, while also trying to figure out how to get back home.

Notes: Okay, I have to say it. This is my favorite podcast. I love it to absolute death. It 100% got me into improv comedy and comedy podcasts, to the point where that’s pretty much all I listen to anymore. Arnie, Matt, and Adal are sweethearts and the show is so genuinely funny and interesting. Please give this one a listen.

2. The Adventure Zone

Updates: Every other Thursday

Current # Of Eps: 57

General Length Of Eps: An hour, but there are a few that are two or three.

Synopsis: The McElroys play Dungeons and Dragons. But it’s also so much more than that.

Notes: Okay you all know how much I love this podcast. I love it to death. I’m still only like halfway through it but god it’s amazing and I’m so angry I didn’t start it earlier. All of the characters are amazing and Griffin is truly such an amazing storyteller. It’s so much deeper than you would originally think, and it will make you cry like a baby. Please listen to The Adventure Zone. Holy shit.

3. CoolGames Inc 

Updates: Every Friday

Current # Of Eps: 45, with some CGI Jrs mixed in.

General Length Of Eps: An hour (CGI Jrs are 20 mins)

Synopsis: Polygon’s Nick Robinson and Griffin McElroy take listener suggestions and make video games out of them.

Notes: These are my favorite soft boys, and they are just too funny. Some of the games they come up with are genuinely good games that you’ll be upset don’t actually exist, but most of them are just silly goofs that are guaranteed to make you laugh. This podcast single-handedly got me through last semester, so shoutout to Nick and Griffin for that. You should also check out CoolGames Inc Animated!

4. Improvised Star Trek 

Updates: Every other Monday

Current # Of Eps: 157, with a BUNCH of bonus eps mixed in

General Length Of Eps: About 30 mins for regular eps, 5 mins for bonus

Synopsis: These are the voyages of the starship Sisyphus, Starfleet’s worst crew. Captain Julius Valentine Baxter and his crew, including First Officer Corbomite Hayes, Science Officer Crick Watson, Ensign Laserbear, and Chief Medical Officer Zarlene Zonaldson, just to name a few, get into way too much trouble out in the final frontier.

Notes: I started listening to this because of Matt Young from HFTMT (and because I got super into Trek), but god I fell in love with every single character. Quite a few guests from HFTMT are regulars on IST, and their shenanigans are just amazing. If you love Trek, you’ll love this.

5. Siblings Peculiar 

Updates: Infrequently

Current # Of Eps: 29

General Length Of Eps: 30 mins

Synopsis: Adam and Sarah Peculiar (pronounced Pec-U-lAr) are trying to figure out what happened to their parents, paranormal investigators that suddenly disappeared 10 years ago. They interview conspiracy theorists of all sorts as they try to gain any information they can about their parents’ whereabouts.

Notes: I started listening to this one because of Adal Rifai from HFTMT, and I’m glad I did because he and his sister are so funny together. Their conspiracy theories are so off-the-wall hilarious (there’s a whole episode about Grease being propaganda where they interview the real creator of Grease), although I will say the comedy might not be for everyone as it can veer a little into the offensive (but it’s satire and I personally love it). It’s less frequent now because Sadieh got cast in a tv show, but I still recommend listening to it!

DRAMAS:

1. Welcome to Night Vale 

Updates: Bimonthly, on the 1st and the 15th.

Current # Of Eps: 103

General Length Of Eps: 30 mins

Synopsis: Cecil hosts a radio show in the mysterious town of Night Vale, where abnormal things like Glow Clouds, angels, ominous dog parks, and floating cats are commonplace.

Notes: We’ve all listened to WTNV at this point, right? Or at least heard of it? Besides an old Fringe podcast I used to listen to back in like 2008, this was the first podcast I ever listened to. Cecil’s voice is just incredibly soothing, I find this podcast really helps when I’m super depressed, and I used to stock up on eps specifically for those times. 

2. The Black Tapes/TANIS 

Updates: they used to be weekly but they look pretty infrequent now

Current # Of Eps: TBTP has 24, TANIS has 25, both with several bonus eps mixed in

General Length Of Eps: 30-45 mins

Synopsis: TBTP is about journalists Alex and Nic investigating The Strand Institute’s Richard Strand and his various black tapes that may be evidence of the paranormal. TANIS is the spinoff, where Nic focuses more on real life conspiracy theories as he tries to find the location of the mythical TANIS.

Notes: I’m not gonna lie, I did drop both of these podcasts and I’m not sure if I will pick them back up. But the first season of both were incredible, and @czarrish introduced them to me and they really got me into podcasts. In my opinion they both declined in quality during their second seasons, but that’s just my opinion!

3. The Penumbra Podcast 

Updates: I think it’s on hiatus? But I think it was bi-weekly at one point

Current # Of Eps: 19, with bonuses mixed in

General Length Of Eps: 30-50 mins

Synopsis: The Penumbra is the grandest hotel this side of Nowhere.The series mostly follows Detective Juno Steel trying to solve mysteries, but they’re all stories you recognize told in ways you won’t expect. 

Notes: Again, I’m not gonna lie, I’ve barely listened to this and I really don’t know that much about it. I had to take a lot of the synopsis from the actual one on their website. But the first two episodes were awesome, so I feel confident in recommending it. I think they might be rebooting it?? Idk, you might want to ask @czarrish for more details.

4. Alice Isn’t Dead

Updates: Season one wrapped in Jul 2016 and it’s been on hiatus ever since. edit: s2 is starting soon!

Current # Of Eps: 10

General Length Of Eps: 30 mins

Synopsis: Alice is a truck driver who’s driving across the country in search of her missing wife, who she thought had been dead but now has reason to believe otherwise.

Notes: This is from the creators of WTNV and features the voice of Jasika Nicole, who I know and love from Fringe but also does the voice of Dana on WTNV. It’s spooky but not too much so, and I’ve admittedly only listened to 3 episodes but just like Cecil, Jasika has a wonderfully soothing voice.

MISC:

1. Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Updates: Every Monday

Current # Of Eps: 148

General Length Of Eps: An hour

Synopsis: Basically what it says on the tin: two guys explain in detail everything that has happened in the X-Men universe, starting at the very beginning.

Notes: Again I haven’t listened to too much of this, but it’s really fun. I’ve loved X-Men for a while but I always get confused with all the retcons and different verses and stuff, but Jay and Miles do a wonderful job of explaining everything without making it confusing.

2. Terrace House Mafia 

Updates: Infrequently

Current # Of Eps: 14

General Length Of Eps: 10-15 mins

Synopsis: Polygon’s Nick Robinson and his roommate Chad watch Terrace House: Boys & Girls in the City and talk about it. That’s it. But it’s cute as fuck.

Notes: I absolutely love listening to these guys talk about Terrace House because they’re going through the exact same journey that I (and probably everyone) went on when I first watched it. It’s quick and super fun to listen to.

3. The Probe 

Updates: Was weekly, but s1 wrapped in November so it’s been on hiatus

Current # Of Eps: 8

General Length Of Eps: 30 mins

Synopsis: A satirical take on news podcasts, two journalists follow the election at Franklin Delano Roosevelt High School, and learn about the country’s political climate along the way. 

Notes: Again, I started listening to this because Matt Young from HFTMT produced it, but I really enjoyed it beyond that. If you like HFTMT, you’ll recognize a lot of the Chicago-based actors in The Probe. Also I wasn’t exactly sure where to put this so I just put it in MISC cuz it’s like... definitely funny and improvised but also it’s a little serious, maybe? Idk, it’s satire. And it’s great satire.

I’m also gonna include the podcasts that I’m subscribed to but I haven’t actually started listening to yet. They piqued my interest but I just haven’t gotten around to listening to them yet! So here we go: The Bright Sessions, Darkest Night, The Hilarious World of Depression, Hollywood Handbook, Homecoming, Lore, My Brother My Brother And Me, Reply All, The Room Where It’s Happening, Wolf 359, With Special Guest Lauren Lapkus.