#also i feel ya kaner

[derpcakes]

10 Books I Want to Read in 2023

About this time last year I filled out a meme with books I wanted to read in 2022. I can’t find that post, and no one’s tagged me in anything this time around, but I thought it could be fun to post a 2023 update. Feel free to tag me in your own lists!

Sequels: Lost in the Moment and Found (new Wayward Children book! New Wayward Children book!!), A Venom Dark and Sweet (second half of the Book of Tea duology), Heavenly Tyrant (sequel to Iron Widow), Godslayers (sequel to Gearbreakers that I just haven’t gotten around to despite how much I liked the first one. Not to be confused with Godkiller down below. Man, those will look confusing if they end up next to each other in a list…)

Godkiller by Hannah Kaner (coming 2023)

In this world, gods are very real, and our fiery, vengeful heroine makes her living hunting them. She’s all set to take out the God of White Lies when it turns out he’s attached himself to the young daughter of a noble house, who will die if he dies—and vice versa. I don’t know much about this one save for seeing it recommended/highly anticipated by a couple of people I follow. But apparently, its main characters are a traumatised godslaying lady, a former knight who just wants to bake, and a child whose bestie is some sort of trickster god… and that just sounds like a whale of a time even if the setting itself is apparently quite dark.

She is a Haunting by Trang Thanh Tran (coming 2023)

Jade Nguyen goes to stay with her father in Vietnam for the summer and finds herself in a very haunted French colonial manor. I’ve been in the mood for haunted house stories recently (it’s the plot bunnies for a potential new original project, methinks) and this one sounds super interesting for its cultural context and character dynamics.

Bianca Torre is Afraid of Everything by Justine P. Winans (coming 2023)

A teenaged bird nerd accidentally becomes embroiled in a murder mystery while out birdwatching. One for my bibliography of YA with non-binary protagonists, but also just sounds like a fun ride.

Nettleblack by Nat Reeve (already out)

1893: Welsh heiress Henry Nettleblack flees an arranged marriage and disguises herself among a ramshackle group of vigilantes who call themselves the Dallyangle Division. Described as “a neo-Victorian queer farce” and highly recommended by one of my current favourite reviewers. It sounds basically completely different to anything I’ve ever read before and I think will be a light and zany way to expand my literary horizons.

Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo (already out)

A story of young love and queer discovery set in San Francisco Chinatown in the 1950s. I’ve had this for ages but The Stars Have Not Been in Position for me to read it. I’d like to get to it this year!

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth (already out)

At the turn of the 20th century, two secret lovers attending a prestigious all-girls school are tragically and bizarrely killed by a swam of wasps. In the modern day, a film crew descends on the school to make a movie dramatizing the events, and find that the place is haunted (literally?) by more than the girls’ memory. I got this one from a generous friend who was clearing out her shelves and it’s been staring at me from my shelf ever since. PBH is a long-term goal since she’s a thiiiiick book. I’m going to try and dip into it across the year. Or maybe I’ll go feral and get through it in a month! Let’s see.

[saucerfulofsins]

coroNO

[welcometothepenumbra]

BONUS: THE RITA MINUTE 2 – THE RITA DETECTIVE AGENCY

RITA: No way, boss! You are not comin’ in to the office today, and that’s final!

JUNO (FROM COMMS): (CONGESTED) I am not taking a day off, Rita. Crime doesn’t take a day off, and you better—

RITA: Well, that sounds like crime’s problem, boss.

JUNO: Don’t try to change the subject, Rita. I swear to God, if you don’t unlock—

RITA: Oh boy, Mista Steel, you sure sound sleepy! I think I’m gonna hang up now and let you take a little nappy.

JUNO: Wait, hang on! Don’t hang up, god dammit! I need you to—

RITA: G’night, Mista Steel!

JUNO: Rita, unlock my door! Rita!

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

RITA: Whew! Good thing I talked Mista Steel into those digital locks last year. If I couldn’t lock him into his apartment, he’d work himself until he was in real trou— (GASPS) Oh, I better lock the windows, too.

SOUND: KEYBOARD CLICKING.

It sure is hard work to care so much. I think I earned a little snack or ten. Or maybe just five big snacks. Or maybe seven medium-sized ones. Or—

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

(GROWLS) Mista Steel! If he ain’t in bed, I swear, I’m gonna—!

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

Boss? Just whadda you think you’re doin’?

VOICE (FROM COMMS): Boss! Oh, I’m so sorry, this must be the wrong number, I’m just in such a state and I—

RITA: Is that… (GASPS) Patricia Marlowe, stream star, and game show host, and philanthropist?!

VOICE (MARLOWE): Oh, is that you, Rita? You flatter me, darling, but there’s really no need…

RITA: And entrepreneur and pet psychologist and social commentator and food critic and pet psychiatrist and—

MARLOWE: Rita!

RITA: (SQUEAKS)

MARLOWE: It is a delight to talk to you, darling, you know it is, but this is rather urgent! I need to speak with Juno this instant, Rita, do not delay a single moment, this is a matter of life and death!

Hello? Rita?

RITA: Patricia Maaaaaaaaarlooooooooowe.

MARLOWE: Rita! Where is Juno?

RITA: Mista Steel! Sorry, Ms. Marlowe, but he’s outta the office today. Got a bad case of the… the… whatever ya call it when your throat’s all red and swollen?

MARLOWE: A tumor?

RITA: Yeah, that’s it. He’s got a bad case’a the throat tumors and the doctor gave him some pills but they ain’t gonna work unless he gets lots of rest. You should call back tomorrow, though.

MARLOWE: This cannot wait until tomorrow! I’m sorry, darling, but I’ll have to call him at his apartment. This is entirely too dangerous to—

RITA: No! Stop! Wait!

MARLOWE: Quickly, Rita, I’ve not a second to lose!

RITA: (QUIETLY) This is your big moment, Rita. Mista Steel is countin’ on you. Lives are at stake. And also: if Patricia Marlowe calls the boss, you won’t get to hear her dreamy voice anymore.

MARLOWE: What was that?

RITA: You gotta take control, Rita. You gotta show Mista Steel you got what it takes to protect him. You gotta show the world that you can be a… a private eye.

MARLOWE: Yes, hello, hello? Could you speak up, dear?

RITA: I said, I’m gonna help you, doll-face! This is Rita, private eye, reportin’ for duty!

MARLOWE: Are you certain you could help?

RITA: The boss left me in charge!

MARLOWE: Did he really?

RITA: When you’re a private eye like me, you learn that it’s what people don’t say that’s really important. What seems t’be the problem?

MARLOWE: Well, there’s a package, you see. It arrived at my doorstep this morning, and—

RITA: Have you ordered any packages lately?

MARLOWE: Well, of course, but not th—

RITA: Case closed! That was easy.

MARLOWE: But not this one, and my God, it’s ticking! I’m just so worried, you don’t think it’s a bomb, do you?

RITA: Please, Ms. Marlowe, leave the detecting to the detectives. What have you done so far?

MARLOWE: Only called you, but… perhaps that’s it! Perhaps I should have called the HCPD! They must have a bomb squad of some sort, they could send someone right over and—

RITA: Hold it right there!

MARLOWE: Why? You don’t think… (GASPS) A conspiracy! The HCPD sent the bomb!

RITA: Nah, I don’t think so. I used to work there and we got all kinds of bomb threats all the time and that turned out to be nothin'. It was real annoying.

MARLOWE: But what do I do?

RITA: Well, you’re afraid of this package, ain’t you?

MARLOWE: …I believe I’ve made that clear, yes.

RITA: But you don’t even know what’s in it, right?

MARLOWE: Yes, but—

RITA: I don’t think it makes any sense t’be afraid of somethin’ you don’t even know anything about. And a good private eye needs clues! And all the clues are right inside the package!

MARLOWE: …You can’t be serious.

RITA: So open it, open it! I wanna know what’s inside!

MARLOWE: Really? You’re certain about this?

RITA: ‘Course I’m sure. I’m Rita, private eye! Now open the box please please please please PLEEEEEEEAAAASE!

MARLOWE: Well… alright…

RITA: So? What is it? What is it?

MARLOWE: It’s… well, it appears to be a…

RITA: Tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me—!

MARLOWE: Oh no.

RITA: Oop, nevermind. Hold on a second. I got a call on the other line.

MARLOWE: (SCREAMING)

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

JUNO (FROM COMMS): Rita, you’ve got to unlock these doors!

RITA: You again! Mista Steel, I told you I got everything under control here!

JUNO: This isn’t about that anymore! Rita, I think there’s something in my apartment!

RITA: Oh, really.

JUNO: Yes, really! I keep hearing them banging around the walls! If you just unlock the door I can make a break for it—

SOUND: CRASH.

Damn it, they broke through!

RITA: Nice try, Mista Steel, but you can’t kid a kidder. I faked healthy all the time when I was just a little Rita and I never bought it then, either. So, you get back in bed and sleep, boss. Now.

JUNO: Assassin drones! Dozens of them! Unlock the door, Rita, you’re gonna get me killed, you—

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

RITA: So, toots, how did it go?

MARLOWE (FROM COMMS): A bomb! It’s a bomb, a bomb, a bomb!

RITA: A twist, huh. Well. I guess no good case goes by without a good twist. I usually like it when they come later, though, like in the last five seconds of the movie and then you get a big DUN-DUN BWEEEEOOWWWWWW and then it all goes black and you get in a fight with Mista Steel on the way home about what it all meant and—

MARLOWE: Rita! There is currently a bomb in my home, and it’s ticking much more quickly than I feel comfortable with! Assist me, now!

RITA: Alright, alright, you don’t have to get so rude about it. Any brands or logos or anything on it? BlastForce, maybe? The Kaboom Room? T an’ T an’ You?

MARLOWE: It doesn’t say! I think it might be homemade!

RITA: Aw, that’s sweet. Ain’t nothin’ like a homemade bomb. I kept my Ma’s old recipe but they just ain’t the same when they don’t come outta her oven.

MARLOWE: Is this part of the investigation?

RITA: Just send me a picture’a the bomb and I’ll figure it out. Sheesh.

MARLOWE: Alright…

SOUND: ELECTRONIC BEEPS.

So, what do I do? What do I do?!

RITA: To do what?

MARLOWE: The bomb is going to explode!

RITA: It is a bomb, Ms. Marlowe.

MARLOWE: (SHRIEKS) No! No no no no no! You must fix this, Rita! You must fix it immediately!

RITA: Again? I think I’m startin’ to see why Mista Steel’s always so tired. This is exhausting! Just bring it here, willya? I can just defuse it when it’s here.

MARLOWE: But—!

RITA: No buts! I’ve had enough buts for one day, and let me tell you, I don’t like buts even on the best of days– well that ain’t exactly true but you know what I—

Oop, got another call, seeya soon!

MARLOWE: RITA!

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

RITA: Mista Steel, if this is you again—

JUNO (FROM COMMS): No time, Rita! I got out of the apartment through the window but now I need your help!

RITA: Boss, how dare you! I locked that window!

JUNO: Yeah, well, I broke it. Might’ve broken something else, too, that’s nearly a thirty-foot fall.

RITA: Well if you broke that window so easy you can march right back up and unbreak it, you—!

JUNO: There were more drones than I thought, Rita, I’ve got nearly fifty of the things chasing me down the street and I need help. I’m headed for the office right now, so get a blaster ready!

RITA: To the office?! Oh… no, boss, you can’t come to the office, you gotta turn around right away.

JUNO: Rita…

RITA: No! It’s- it’s- it’s… it’s on fire, Mista Steel; um, it ain’t decent, uh, you can’t come, you gotta wait until next week, maybe or a month, or two, that’s it—

JUNO: Rita, what did you do?

RITA: (QUIETLY) I tried to solve a case while you were out I’m sorry.

JUNO: You—! We’ll figure this out after we deal with the drones.

RITA: No can do, boss! It’s Patricia Marlowe, boss, and she’s got a bomb and I kinda told her to bring it to the office ‘cause I thought I’d have time—

JUNO: A bomb! That’s it!

MARLOWE: (DISTANT) Juno? Is that you?

JUNO: Patty! Throw me the bomb!

MARLOWE: Gladly!

JUNO: Alright, you stupid bugs. Eat shrapnel! (GRUNTS)

SOUND: EXPLOSION.

RITA: …Boss?

Boss, is everything—

JUNO: Rita.

RITA: Yeah, boss?

JUNO: (SNIFFS) I’m feeling a little under the weather. I think I’m gonna take the day off.

RITA: You do that, boss.

JUNO: Just… just don’t take any more calls. Please.

RITA: Okay, Mista Steel. Have a nice sleep, and be sure t’drink plenty of—

JUNO: Rita?

RITA: …Yeah?

JUNO: Don’t.

RITA: Okay, boss.

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

Bein’ a P.I. ain’t easy, it turns out. Maybe I oughtta retire. Spend a little more time with the family, like Frannie and Mista Steel. Take up a hobby, or—

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

Nope, nope. I ain’t gonna answer it.

I… ain’t… gonna…

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

Hello, this is Detective Rita, private eye, of Detective Rita Private Eye’s Detective Agency! We accept all forms of payment, but especially gift creds for that nice bakery down the street. Now, what crime can I stop for you today?

ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.

***

The second Rita Minute starred Kate Jones as Rita, with Joshua Ilon as Juno Steel, and Sophie Kaner as Patricia Marlowe. It was written by Kevin Vibert, and directed and sound designed by Sophie Kaner. The Penumbra is created and produced by Sophie Kaner and Kevin Vibert.

[iamvegorott]

A New Virus Chapter 7

Grounded With A Crush

Annalise had her arms crossed and she was pouting as she followed Dark into the Iplier meeting room. She wasn’t just grounded. She was grounded.

No tv. No computer. No electronics in general. She was only allowed to have her phone when she was at school in case there was an emergency and then had to immediately give it to Dark the moment she was in the car. Annalise wasn’t allowed out of Dark’s or Anti’s sights at any time except for bed. She wasn’t allowed to leave the house unless she was with one of them. She was constantly studying since she wasn’t allowed to just sit around and do nothing. Annalise had done more reading in the past week than she’s done in three years. She liked to read, but she was dying to do something else.

“Sit. Here.” Dark ordered, pointing at the chair in the corner of the room. Annalise did what she was told and slouched over.

Anti had to go do a job, that she was definitely not allowed to join and she had to come with Dark for his meeting since she wasn’t allowed to be at home alone. What Annalise wanted at the moment was to lay on her bed, cuddle with Cranky and watch some Netflix.

“Hey there, Anna-bell.” Annalise sat up when Bing entered the room, greeting her with a large smile.

“Hi, Bing.” Annalise greeted back.

“I heard that someone got in big trouble.” Bing chuckled.

“She’s been grounded,” Dark stated, not looking at the two as he organized his papers.

“I wish ya luck.” Bing held a hand out. Annalise raised a brow before taking the hand, feeling something press into her palm. Bing winked before walking away. Annalise lightly giggled when she saw that she was holding a phone, she hid it under her legs and waited until all of the egos came in and sat down before taking it back out and beginning to text the only number in the phone.

“When do I get to know the story of what Annie Oakley did?” Wilford asked.

“All you need to know is that she misbehaved, that is all.” Dark said.

“She must have done something terrible if she’s here.” Bim commented. “Before you would have killed us if we even thought of bringing Annalise into one of the meetings.”

“I’m assuming that Annalise knows the true forms of our work.” Google asked.

“I will confirm that, but we need to begin focusing our attention on the matter at hand.” Dark pressed a button on a controller he was holding and an image of a man appeared on the tv at the end of the meeting table. “We’ve been hired to financially and socially ruin a U.S. Senator.”

“All we need to do is catch him saying something offensive on camera and boom half of our job is done.” Bim said, clapping his hands.

“We’ll need to do more than that, but that is a start.” Dark said, sliding a sheet of paper to Bim.

“A sex scandal shows a pattern of bringing down a politician’s approval rates.” Google stated.

“A few doctored medical records could also lead to the belief of consciously transmitting a disease.” Dr. Iplier added.

“Anti can easily go into his bank accounts and...Bing.” Dark glared over at the younger search engine when he heard a chuckle from him.

“Huh? Oh, sorry.” Bing flashed a smile at Dark.

“Now, what are you up to over there?” Wilford asked with a grin. “No one looks down at the crotch and smiles that much.” Dark caught that Bing’s eyes traveled to the corner of the room. The demon turned and saw that Annalise was sitting sideways in the chair and laughing softly as she read off of a cell phone.

“Annalise!” The young virus stiffened when she heard her name. She swallowed when she saw her father standing in front of her.

“Uh…” Dark only held out a hand and that was enough to make Annalise hand the phone over. Dark made his way over to Bing and snatched the search engine’s phone away as well.

“Hands on the table.” Dark ordered, going back to his seat when Bing did what he was told. “Now, as I was saying.”

Annalise spent the rest of the meeting trying to find different ways to sit in the chair, not being able to stay still for more than a few minutes. At one point she was upside down and she fell out, landing on the ground in a very awkward and uncomfortable position. Her face turned a bright red when she noticed that Bing had seen what she did. Annalise quickly sat back down in the chair normally and looked away from the table, body burning with embarrassment.

“We’ll begin the plan tonight. We’ll start with the social destruction and then have Anti hack his account when he begins to reach his lowest ratings.” Dark stated as the conclusion to the meeting.

“Hey, Dark, ol’ pal. Do you mind talking with me for a moment?” Wilford asked, a playful smirk on his lips.

“Of course.” Dark stood and followed Wilford out of the room. The other egos gathered their papers and chatted amongst themselves as they prepared to leave. “What do you need, Wil?” Dark asked.

“I just thought I should fill you in on something about Annie.” Wilford chuckled. Dark’s entire body tensed up, fearing the worst.

“What’s wrong with Annalise? Did something happen? Is she alright?” Dark asked, his words spilling out of his mouth.

“She’s not hurt, but I think she might be a little sick.” Wilford let out a laugh as Dark’s face filled with even more concern.

“Sick? She’s a virus, they don’t get sick. Unless she has a bug. Anti got that once and it was terrible.” Dark began rambling.

“I mean, it is a type of bug.”

“I need to get Annalise home immediately!” Dark was about to walk off when Wilford caught his wrist.

“A love-bug, Dark. A love-bug.” Wilford was still laughing.

“A what?” Dark yanked his arm back.

“I think our little Annie’s got a crush.” Wilford explained.

“What!?” Dark didn’t see that the egos and Annalise all looked at him, only hearing his shout and nothing else.

“Calm down, my little demon, there’s nothing to worry about. She’s young, crushes happen. But she’s also reaching that age when-”

“No. Absolutely not. She will not-no.” Dark began to pace. “Who is it?”

“Not telling.” Wilford sang before disappearing in a cloud of pink smoke.

“Wilford!” Dark shouted. “You cock!” Dark let out a sigh when he heard laughter from the other side of the glass. He was not the biggest fan of realizing that Anti’s language was influencing him as well. Dark faced the glass and felt a strange feeling of dread fill his chest. Wilford would not have said anything if the person that Annalise had a crush on wasn’t in that room. “Great.” Dark groaned.

Annalise had a crush on an Iplier.

Tag List: @readeatfightlove13 @kenzie-110101 @kaner-va @fandom-trash1214 @sophs0ph @pixelenchanter @snickerz171 @fuck-im-emo @coffee-in-sweaters @burningpeachdelusionofchaos @butterlover328

[blackcherrycoke]

Thanks for loving Kaner as much as I do. Just saw a post from a fellow Bhawks fan who said she thinks he is a horrible human being, and it makes me so sad, but it also makes me love him even so much more.

Oh, man :( I’m sorry to hear that. But whatever’s the case, you know? Those people– it’s highly unlikely that they’re gonna change their minds. To be fair, even really nice & knowledgeable people disagree on a lot of things. But yeah, don’t worry about it! And don’t feel bad. It’s not a war of good versus evil, unlike what that post makes it out to be. As long as you’re aware of yourself and your stand in all of this, have thought this through very, very carefully and concluded that “yeah, this guy is worth being a fan of”, then you’re good :)

You know what they say. Everything is problematic, especially in sports fandom. Don’t let them haters get to ya, and just cheer for your favorite player and your team and BE HAPPY!!! :D

If you want to talk about Patrick Kane or hockey or anything at all, just message me!