#also i haven't yet watched the series finale of toh so um

[fishedeyelenz]

*flies into the window*

I-... I NEED YOUR EXPERT OPINION IF YOU'RE NOT TOO BUSY!

So!

I know that DILF!Billy hates/scared/generally avoids kids (and it's pretty dangerous to leave him with them, we all know), that's fair enough, but... Let's suppose that in one BEAUTIFUL day a wild 14 year old homeless kiddo wanders into his attic or basement, maybe escaping from an orphanage or hiding from the cops after stealing food from the store or it's just a idk freeze outside. And Billy of course has chased them away in every way possible, but this little devil keeps finding way back (because they like to annoy him and steal his stuff) and even dares to hang out with Billy's cats!

And I wonders... What are the chances that they would have become like... Half enemy half friends? Is that even possible? Or nah, that's some pink dreams? I'm by no means talking about any parental relationship or anything like that, ahah, fuck no, never, BUT specifically... Um... About little random communications of two inherently similar strange creatures, just one damn young and wild and other damn old and... Well... "The Billy".

Actual Dilf Billy Lenz ???!!!

Maria you can't do this to me. You just can't. I'm such a sucker for found family, but especially like when the accidental caretakers of the younger members are criminals/fucked up/not really suited to take care of them but they only have each other in this godforsaken world (the members of gorillaz+ noodle but ESPECIALLY Noodle and Murdoc, Eda and Luz from the owl house, the cast of cowboy bebop and ed (yes they are family in my eyes!!!) etc, etc)

So uh, my mind says it would never work, but my heart... but my heart says "found family <3333" so uh... I actually think that if the child was stubborn enough to stick with Billy, they would actually develop a pseudo father-child relationship. Like it would take some time don't get me wrong , and the relationship would be far from perfect and always fractured (think Murdoc and Noodle from gorillaz if you're familiar with them, except Billy is not an alcoholic lmao ), but yeah there could be some room for genuine "paternal" care and love. Though it would take some time for Billy to be okay with the child, because fourteen is the exact same age Agnes was when she ran away from him so uh... trauma. Even more so if Billy finds them in the basement...

But yeah, a strange sort of on-and-off kinda parent child relationship is likely to develop. This might not have been what you were asking for but oh well i got soft thinking about "actual dad" Dilf Billy. I will say it would be the best for the child to have some other influences other than the crazy, nasty old creep that lives on the edge of the forest lmao. And it would be best for Billy to have someone else take care of the kid every once in a while lol. But the fact that Billy wouldn't have to take care of them as like a baby would also mean their relationship could be an emotionally warmer one because the child's self sufficiency wouldn't burden Billy as much. Also, when Billy stops seeing them as a version of Agnes he would be like "14??? that's almost like a smaller, dumber adult I can kick back, relax and share a beer with" (Billy NO-)