#also i hope i haven't worded that poorly. i do not intend to underestimate how much the whitesaviourism here sucks

[mourn-and-watch]

merril's act 2 quest is so unfair and infuriating on so many levels i need to talk about it. especially about marethari's behaviour because the way she acts towards merrill here is so purposefully cruel.

it's hard to miss that marethari makes her own clan believe that merrill is a monster. which probably wasn't that difficult to do - merrill left them three years ago and even before she did all the clan members hawke had met hadn't been fond of her. they don't know what she's up to now, but they know she works with a demon and refuses to listen to the keeper, and now marethari claims that merrill, her favourite first, has become something they should be afraid of. and then merrill herself arrives, still asking about that mirror, still doing the same blood magic, and, well, they just assume the keeper was right. which leads to pol's death and then the quest ends and offers you an infamous white saviour option.

this is already bad enough, but i think as much as it is a desperate last attempt to keep merrill away from arulin'holm, it is actually a pretty calculated manipulation. marethari successfully plays on all of merrill's insecurities here.

first of all, the entrusting a human to keep dalish artefact thing. it is a direct spit in merrill's face. she cares so deeply about preserving dalish culture and lore and states multiple times that it is as important as keeping the clan safe - and then marethari prefers to give one of their oldest, rarest artefacts to a human. she could as well say that she trusts a person whose ancestors were destroying their people, slaughtering them and erasing their culture from existence more than merrill. she'd rather break every single sacred agreement than give arulin'holm to her. merrill's that unworthy. it'd better be lost to humans than be given to her.

there's an additional layer to it though. hawke is merrill's friend. she brought them here so they could have her back. she trusts them this much. and now they're offered a choice and merrill can't say what they will do.

marethari gives hawke an arulin'holm and then explicitly tells them not to let merrill have it. hawke is marethari's last line of defense because they're as well merrill's last line of defense. whoever gets hawke's sympathies wins.

marethari makes hawke doubt merrill and at the same time she lets merrill know there's no one who will unconditionally support her, and merrill buys it - she begs hawke to give her arulin'holm. hawke is her friend and she brought them here so they can support her and now she isn't sure anymore that they will.

basically, what marethari says here is not only that she trusts a human more than merrill but also that nobody trusts merrill at all. her clan is scared of her. her only friend seemed to believe her but now they've heard marethari's side of the story and what will they do? and merrill already thinks about an answer marethari wants to get from her. that she will inevitably lose every ally she gained because at this point she must be wrong and marethari must be right.

it is a carefully orchestrated betrayal. first marethari gives merrill hope that she will honour the agreement, then subverts the expectations and shifts responsibility to hawke. and if they make the decision she wants them to make merrill will run out of options. she will have no choice but to give up and return. that's an emotional abuse done by the book