#also i love how people were saying “omg you made satan look like adam”

[metamatronic]

rolls up with my “what if lucifer was to crowley/raphael as crowley is to aziraphale” headcanon

imagine the pain of crowley raphael not being able to save lucifer, falling in the process, and then seeing aziraphale go through the same process and constantly fearing he was going to drag aziraphale down with him the same way lucifer did to him.

[lodestarslagoon]

AHS Apocalypse 8x03 Live Stream

SPOILERS UNDER CUT

Oh I thought the opening scene looked like the Dinah, Coco, Mallory descencum. Damn Michael...

Night Vision of the soul? Tell me about your powers!

Lol, spoiler, entitled, helpless. 

OMG COCO! Fire Mallory lol

“Something Dark”

DAMN CALL HER SHALLOW!

Og again? He knows Dinah?

SHE’S NOT POWERFUL ENOUGH?!

DINAH IS A WITCH!

MICHAEL CONFIRMED IT!

Ish

Dinah is in the sanctuary!

Evil soul?

Oh nvm, it’s Andre.

Unless Dinah is Andre’s son...?

God this is one opening scene of mind fuckery.

I want Dinah to use some powers

Mallory’s made for that world?

Mallory should want to leave.

Ew what an ugly close up to Michael.

Oh Mallory has a darkness..... Unfun.

MALLORY PUSHED HIM BACK

MALLORY IS A WITCH!

OMG MALLORY PYROKINESISED MICHAEL!

That’s right Mallory! Call his ass right back out!!!!

OMG MY THEORY THAT DINAH MALLORY AND COCO R WITCHES ARE RIGHT!!!

THEY DID DESCECUM WHEN THE OTHER 3 WALK IN!

BEST OPENING SCENE IN AHS HISTORY!!!

I swear the opening theme has been changing scenes every week.

ITS COMMERCIALS AND I AM SCREAMING IN EXCITMENT STILL THAT MALLORY, BILLIE LOURD, AND DINAH, SAME NAME AS BLACK CANARY, ARE WITCHES!!!

I still wonder if Coco’s a witch based on set pics Ryan Murphy released.

I am so excited to find out how Dinah knows Michael.

Adina Porter came out and said the scripts made her mind twist and turn, and well I hope it’s true cause it’ll be interesting to see a strong black witch since Angela Basset is too busy with 911 to come back as Marie.

Omg Michael’s doing a spell, ritual.

I wonder if it’s Tate father of devil father.

OHHHH It’s a scrying!!!

He thought he destroyed them all?

Michael did the witches?!

HE DESTROYED WHO? THE WITCHES?!

I cant with this fucking shit. Omg Witches need to ocme and take hsi ass back.

Boiling blood is actually kind of a cool effect.

Am I the only one whos still scare dof Michael’s demon face that happened earlier?

Oh yay the snakes are still around.

Ave Satanis... “Awaken Satan” right?

Kathy Bate’s voice is so distinct.

Her own self made costume is adorable.

The tricker treatgiver is a famous actress I remember her from places.

Wasn’t Kathy Bates in Rosemary’s baby?

Go Young Kathy Bates! Slap him.

Oh shit, she’s a good fighter!

Oh she’s an agent. This makes sense.

Can we have Kathy Bates in Spy 2? 

Can someone inform Melissa McCarthy and 50 Cent Piece to get Kathy in on this?

Oh everything happened on Halloween in Kathy Bates’ life. Nice.

Okay as nice as robot Kathy Bates’ life story is, can we get back to the witches?

I still swear Mallory and Coco are connected because they’re witchy powers keep them together.

I am so validated by this knowledge they were witches.

Awww Venable showing support for Kathy Bates is actually touching.

Omg Venable being so adamant on Michael is very interesting.

“That’s Outrageous”

“If you die here, Justice dies here” Really? you’re the sadists here!

“Kill everyone!” Jeez Kathy, these methods are nice.

“ You’re mean and self invovled enough to survive anything, and I’m a robot”

Oh is this guy the Coco husband who screams “You bitch?”

Someone saw a leaked pic that he appears again I think.

I was a finalist on top chef omg hahahhaa

Omg, he is very good “tracking” her for a year.

No one sees the figure approaching behind him?

I wonder where this guy got the gun.

Wait I guess we know officially that the apocalypse did actually happen.

How come these people can breath fine without pain like the people Michael claims he saw.

mother with kids^

OMG ANOTHER WITCH BREACH?!

STEP FORTH WITCHES PLEASE!!!!!

MADISON I INVOKE THEE!!!

They teleported in already I bet.

Ugh.... Why can’t we just reveal the witches already.

Anyone have any guesses where Michael did the ritual? I am very curious? How do people not notice things that happen in this place?

Apples... cause they’re fucking for Adam and Eve aka UCLA and Jail Girl

lol a nurtition blog!

Oh Venable happy enough to try the red delicious.

Vine providence? Wtf Kathy Bates....

Before they die? Don’t you just kill them anyways?

“Not a bad apple in the bunch?” Is that symbolism for they all deserve to go to the sancutary?

WHERE ARE THE WITCHES?

I could honestly care less about Coco’s husbando bf guy.

How can he breath the air and not the guy in the mask?

This Nuclear fallout is making less and less sense to me.

Less sense than where are the witches of all things.

I ownder how Coco will react ot seeing him.

MALLORY STARE AT THE FIRE AND INVOKE THINGS PLEASE!

Oh another Gray got a speaking line.

God I have a lot of thoughts tonight.

Celebration and Comradery?

Wait the only saved Asian is a Gray....

Victorian Masquerade Ball.... @holypancakes is about to blow it!

What are they going to be able to make in this bunker.

Omg Coco, and Gay Evan Peters destroying Mallory is so relatable and sad.

Omg Stew!!! I love how they love Stew.

“I don’t wanna rub it in for the ones who don’t get picked” lol

“No offense Mallory” BAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAJA

These 1v1′s is hilarious.

OMG WHY THE FACE AGAIN :’(

Oh Mallory’s coming out of the broom closet!

Oh they’re laughing at him.

NO MALLORY ITS NOT THE BLAST!

OMG DARK PHEONIX! Shit thats so meta, with Quicksilver right there lol.

Coco commanding shit. 

I know she probably won’t but pleas Mallory do something.

This is such a Cinderella point.

Shit Coco is kind of getting a little far right now.

She totally had a point with Evie’s room.

OH IS THIS WHEN MADISON APPEARS IN THE BEAK MASK TO DINAH OR WHOEVER IN THE TRAILER?!

I know it’s not confirmed but we all know that mask was the same Madison wore for to scare Zoe in Bitchcraft.

LOL “Sweet horses”

Lol Mallory has to introduce her.

LOL THAT BOO

FX WTF DON’T U FUCK UP THE PICTURE AUDIO NOW!

Oh shit Venable knows the Ghosts situation.

I mean if it’s been 18 months, this has happened before.

I wonder how many monologes Sarah Paulson has this season.

WHAT MUSIC WILL PLAY I WONDER?!

No idea what this symbolizes honestly.

Oh UCLA’s wire crown is actually creative.

OMG THE FOG IS ROLLING IN WHICH MEANS THE WITCHES CAN COME!

Madison is not that tall, so idk who that could be.

Mr. Langdon doesn’t seem that tall either.

Is Coco dying? Damn....

I still pray it’s Madison, but still.

Wait Coco got into Harvard?

I hope it’s like by real merit. Not money.

BITCH YOU WERE TRYING TO BE AN INFLUENCER U NEVER MADE IT!

Analingus omg Coco.

Coco’s about to die sigh.

Coco can you not....

Short tongue and sensitive gag reflex. sigh this show.

Oh shit Brock I forgot he was around lol.

HOW DARE SHE INVOKE SUSHI!

Brock doesn’t look happy.

NOOOOOO COCO!!!!!!!!

SOMEONE VITAL VITALUS HER!

WHERE IS MISTY?!

BRING COCO BACK!!!!

COCO WAS SEEN IN OTHER SET PARTS AND SHIT!

Lol festivities and your gun. Bitch, has no clue who Michael is.

So many snakes.

I wonder how bored they must be that this si so thirlling for them.

I wonder how many times these peopl have bobbed for apples. I think it’s harder than this I think.

I also think it’s weird UCLA and Jail Girl are so calm right now about all this. They were about to be murdered last week. I don’t knwo how I could deal with these people.

I wonder how bad this mass suicide will end up.

Oh Gay Evan Peters sis howing signs.

Mallory might be immune?

Oh nvm she threw up.

Oh UVLA had blood on Jail Girl ew.

Gay Evan Peters looked so fake.

I wonder what it’s like to act this scene.

Okay so where is Misty to bring everyone back?

Literally we know Misty is in the first 5 episodes since the trailer promos only filmed the first 5 episodes at time they made it. I thought she’d be in later.

Misty being team Michael would make so much sense based on what we just saw. 

“Oh Venable you think you killed everyone? HA! Watch this,” Michael shows Misty who dances around and brings everyone back.

“And here’s the trick” hahahaha

I’m still waiting for Michael to bring Misty in.

I wonder when they’re going to realize Coco’s like head stabbed.

Oh shit he’s just open about the laptop being there lol.

I think this is funny, let alone Michael.

Oh shit, she passed the test!

I wouldn’t do that either.

NO SCARY FACT IS COMING BACK :’(

Oh wait she’s on his side duh #HailSatan

OH SHIT!!! CONCILUM!!!!

BE THAT WARLOCK MICHAEL!

I know why she did it.

Michael’s monologe right now is so confusing.

Not what he’s saying, but how interested I am.

Where is the witches?

Someone from his childhood?!

The Beautiful Boy? I’m still confused by this.

Okay so this song is so calming over these corpses and bile.

Brock is around doing what right now?

OH SONG CHANGE?!

THERE IS A HOUSE IN NEW ORLEANS?!

Oh no, it might not be?

OMG THEY’RE COMING!

THEY’RE HERE!

OMG I BET THEY ARE!!!!

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!

THEY’RE IN MY EYE SIGHT!

I SEE THEM!!!

I’M DYING!!!!

I AM CANARY CRYING ALL OVER THE PLACE RIGHT NOW!!!!

OMG MY EYES MY HEART MY LIFE!

I CAN’T HANDLE THIS OMG YASSS BRING THEM BACK!

BRING BACK MALLORY AND CO!

FIND OUR SISTERS YES!!!!!!

I KNEW IT COCO IS A SISTER!

YASSSS RESURGENCE! 

Madison looked happy to see them back.

OMG YES MADISON KNEW! SHE GOT THE LAST LINE!

AHHHHH SHE GOT THE LAST LINE!!!!

i am so happy!!!!!

[metzili]

Things that Have Happened To Me at School: January-March

Boy: I’ve lost all faith for the human race. Do you know how many things people have managed to get stuck in their rectum?

Teacher: you need to stay away from the internet

Boy: the internet needs to stay away from me. It depends on who gets the restraining order first

...................

(My teacher plays music while he teaches)

Teacher: *stops* oh yeah, this is a good one.

Boy: what is it?

Teacher: what? Have you guys never listened to Spoon?

Girl: oh yeah. I love Spoon. I also love when they did that song with Fork

Girl 2: and that Spork fanfiction? Omg that was great

...................

Music: starts playing Ke$ha

(The only music my teacher plays is classic rock)

Everyone: *gets quiet*

Teacher: the fuck is this shit

Class: OHHHHHHH

...................

“Hey, listen to this song about grilled cheese”

...................

(In band class)

Boy: *playing around*

Girl: Adam, stop acting like your chair placement!

Everyone: oooohhhh

Boy 2: low blow, man

Boy:*slowly melts to the floor*

Me, who rejoined band a week ago and took his chair placement:

...................

Teacher: I have to warn you that at the end of Act II of Macbeth-

Girl: SATAN SHOWS UP

Teacher:...you’ll have to read the last scene by yourselves

................

My Latin giving a lesbian dating advice. He told her to not even bother with the girl she liked if she won’t even text back because that’s just rude

..............

Teacher: okay so who can give me an example of a paradox?

Girl: Spaghetti is a noodle and a noodle is spaghetti?

Teacher:..no

....................

Girl- oW HE HIT ME Teacher- I don’t blame him you’re more annoying than my nephew

.....................

Teacher: apparently it’s bad luck to say Macbeth before a theatre performance

Girl: wait how is it bad luck

Teacher: it’s like...how it’s bad to say Voldemort

Class: ohhhhh

Boy: see, if you want us to understand, just talk in harry potter references

Teacher: noted

Girl: okay but why is it bad luck

Teacher: weird stuff happens if you say it, like one time someone traded the prop knife for a real one and an actor accidentally killed someone on stage

Girl 2: what I want to know is if that person was charged with murder

Boy: yeah because it was accidentally

Girl 2: I’m gonna look it up

Teacher: you can’t find murder charges from hundreds of years ago in a different country.

Girl 2: I can if I hack into the British government’s FBI

Teacher: what

Girl 2: what

...................

“So, how’ve you been? Been bothered by any fuckboys lately?”

...................

Teacher: why are you looking up where I’ve lived before

Girl: Just because

Teacher: but how

Girl: okay so in tech class we found this code thingie that literally told you everything about someone so we looked up our teacher and found out everything like we even found out where he was holding his wedding in a month

Teacher: great. I’m teaching a class full of hackers

...................

“I get to write short essay introductions because I’m a short girl”

...................

My math teacher wrote the number 8 really weirdly and everyone noticed and this one girl, Riley, made fun of it so my teacher changed the 8 into an R and proceeded to write “Riley sux” on the board for revenge

...................

Teacher: Justin stop acting like a lazy piece of crap

Girl: You can’t say that!

Teacher- I can say it because I’m a lazy piece of crap

...................

Boy- I betted on the Patriots winning and I got $5 from my coach

Teacher-Betting is illegal

Boy-

Teacher-

Boy-

Teacher-

Boy- *runs out of room*

Teacher- YOU’RE GOING TO JAIL

...................

“Boy shut your turtle-looking Michelangelo face up”

“Excuse you I’m Donatello”

...................

Teacher: I mean, who wakes up in the morning wanting to do evil to other people

Boy: Donald Trump

(This was Inauguration Day)

...................

Teacher: *singing* My name is Riley and I’m a loserrr

Riley: True

Teacher : And I have no frieeends

Riley: tHAT’S NOT TRUE

Teacher: I DIDN’T MEAN IT

Riley: YES YOU DID

Teacher: You got me there

...................

Teacher: So why is Macbeth angry about *sees a girl taking pictures* Zipporah taking sELFIES UNDER THE DESK

Zipporah: he’s just jealous of this nude lip gloss

...................

Teacher: Mussolini spoke of reviving Roman greatness-now where have I heard that before? Sounds kind of like “Make Italy great again”

...................

“Why does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella?”

“Fo’ drizzle”

...................

Teacher: We’re going to be outside this period so let me put on my jacket so I can look like a full on pimp

...................

We were doing IRL geometry questions outside and the last question was if the tree in the parking fell, which administration's cars would be screwed. (Yes, that was how it was written) When we were done, our teacher said to just screw it, we’re going to walk straight through the office instead of going around the school to look like gangsters. He also said to wink if we saw any administration and say that we figured out how to destroy their cars.

...................

Teacher: *reading an email* important weather information is being sent to you

Girl: can we leave

Teacher: it’s just a thunderstorm warning

Girl 2: SEVERE thunderstorm and tornado warning

Teacher: why do you care so much? I thought all you kids wanted to die

Girl: yeah but I want to die in the my aesthetic house not this dump

Teacher: you don’t want the firefighters looking for your body saying “ew can you believe this girl died in this place it’s total trash”

Girl: yes

...................

Girl: *clearly distressed* DID YOU KNOW CRAYOLA GOT RID OF DANDELION YELLOW

Boy: *also distressed* I KNOW

Girl: It was the best yellow! W H Y

Teacher: wtf

Girl: I mean why did they add another blue they already have like six of them

Teacher: I’m sure if you find the volume of this metaphorical 100 meter crayon Crayola will re-instate dandelion yellow

...................

Girl: can you please check your email for the weather email

Teacher: there’s nothing there because no one cares whether you live or die